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Dib woke up in the middle of the night to a tapping from his window. He blinked the sleep from his eyes as fast as he could and dashed to the window. It could just be a tree branch bumping against the glass from a strong wind, but normalcy was never the first thing on Dib’s mind. His first thought upon hearing the tapping was that Mothman had somehow stranded itself in his neighborhood, unable to fly and needing a splint on one of its wings. Dib had anticipated this exact scenario fourteen times before and was met with disappointment each time, but that didn’t stop him from expecting Mothman first and foremost.
Rather than a gargantuan half-man, half-moth beast tapping one of its long black claws against his window, it was one of Zim’s PAK legs. Even as Dib approached the window as was in Zim’s sight, the tapping grew faster. The Irken had a large smile on his face and was noticeably bouncing his hands up and down in excitement.
Dib unlocked the window, a task that was more difficult than anticipated because of his weak nerd arms— which caused Zim to quietly laugh at him. As Dib opened the window, the tapping of Zim’s PAK leg didn’t stop until the window was all the way open, with the spike following the receding glass to the top of the frame.
“What do you want, Zim? It’s late.” Dib took off his glasses with one hand and rubbed his eyes with the other. He needed to yawn as well, but was too afraid to open his mouth in fear of Zim making his swallow another nanobot.
Zim let out one loud “ha!” at the prospect of needing sleep. “Late for a feeble human , Dib-stink. But Zim is of a superior race, the Irken race, and I have no need for this ‘sleep’ that you pathetic flesh piggies require.” Dib was impressed by Zim’s correct usage of air quotes as he spoke, but telling the alien would only serve as an unnecessary and exhausting ego boost. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with any more of Zim’s shit than he absolutely had to.
“Okay, cool, good for you, Zim.” Dib said sarcastically, beginning to shut the window again. He was far too tired to try to capture Zim at this hour— not that he would ever admit such a thing to his face— and was more interested in going back to sleep rather than rooting around in the dark for his alien-capturing handcuffs.
Zim reached out a hand and shoved the window back open. He froze after a loud ‘SLAM’ echoed through the night when it hit the frame. Dib jumped at the sudden sound and at the near-crunch experience his fingers just narrowly missed as he retreated his precious phalanges. “Zim has not come to exchange pleasantries, human ! I have come to gloat about my new tactic that will surely come in handy while blending in with the humans! One so dastardly that you will never be able to prove to anyone that I am actually—”
“Will you keep it down?! I’m trying to play Deltarune!” Gaz suddenly yelled from her room, causing Zim to curl in on himself and stop talking (for once).
“Although I haven’t a clue what these Delta’ed Runes your sister-thing speaks of is, I am sure I will conquer it just as I will conquer you sniveling humans .”
Dib gasped. “Even Toby Fox?!”
“Yes! Especially Toby Fox!” Zim shouted, not knowing who Toby Fox was. His PAK’s legs extended further off the ground to create a more menacing appearance as he cackled. In her room, Gaz turned up the sound on her headphones to drown out his evil laughter with the sweet, sweet melody of Attack of the Killer Queen. “But! Before I enslave Toby Fox and the rest of the human race, you must know one thing, Dib-pig!”
“Close the window!”
“Gladly.”
“Knock knock!” Zim yelled so he could be heard through the glass.
Dib reopened the window. “Are you kidding me?”
“No! You have to say “who’s there?” For a human, you’re really bad at knock knock jokes. Seems pretty sus to me.”
“Never say that again.”
“Sus.” Dib was on the brink of tears. Zim didn’t even know what sus meant. His voice was sandpaper to Dib’s brain.
“I will make sure the Irken armada suffers twice as much at my hands because you said that.” Dib balled his fists as he shook with rage.
The more he thought about it, the more Dib realized his life was just like among us. Zim, the imposter, constantly slipping his way through the emergency meetings of life. What these “emergency meetings of life,” referred to, Dib couldn’t come up with an answer. It was a dramatic comparison, though. And Dib, the only crewmate with the sense to know who the imposter is… but always getting ejected.
A tale as old as time.
“You will never overpower the Irken armada you dumb pig smelly, now say your line in this infernal knock knock joke or I will continue to talk about Among Us.”
“Fine.” Dib huffed. “Who’s there?”
Zim’s face slowly split into a dark grin, his tiny body bouncing with barely-controlled laughter over his own hilarity. “Doughnut.”
“Doughnut who?” Dib responded, a little cautious because of the sinister giggles coming from Zim’s mouth as he awaited Dib’s question.
“Doughnut tell anyone I fucked your dad, Dib-shit!” With that, Zim bounded off into the dead of night, cackling to himself. The mechanical joints of his PAK legs creaked with every long stride he made back to his house. All while Dib stood at his window, dumbfounded. He wondered if Zim fucked his dad just to display his newfound knowledge of knock knock jokes.