Chapter Text
FIRST PART
DECEMBER
I sigh in frustration. I messed it up again. I grab the bottle, pour some drops on the cotton and rub it on my eye.
I’ve been practicing at this for 25 minutes and still can’t get it right. I pick up the eyeliner another time, and start again.
I’m not really a fan of makeup, but eyeliner is an exception. I really like the way it looks, and I feel more confident with it on. Although I just can’t seem to get it right, which kind of makes me feel bad. But I know that I just have to keep practicing.
This time it looks kind of decent. I haven’t messed it up yet.
“What are you doing?”
I lose concentration and mess it up. My whole face has a long black line coming straight from my eye. I turn around and look at the one who scared me.
“Nick, what did I tell you about talking to me when I’m busy?” I ask him.
He starts making that face, which means that I probably sounded too pissed off.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to sound too mean” I apologize. I can’t get mad at him, but sometimes I talk in a way that I sound like I did.
“My bad, I shouldn’t have bothered you…” he sounds hurt. Gosh.
“I was practicing with the eyeliner” I say, as I start pouring some remover into the cotton again.
“I thought you didn’t like makeup” is he teasing me? “Are you trying to impress a boy or what?” He is using that tone, he is definitely teasing me.
“I don’t but eyeliner is pretty cool” I say.
“So who is he?” He keeps going at it.
“I’m not trying to impress anyone, gosh”
“It’s Azzy, right?” He says trying to contain his laughter. And the worst part is, it’s kind of true.
“Kind of” I mention. “He said that eyeliner would look good on me, so I tried it and he’s right” I confess.
I’m doing this for myself, not for him. “He also looks good with it” I mention. We bought it together. He looks kinda cute with it on, to be honest.
“Boys can also wear eyeliner?” He asks. I notice he has been staring at the pen ever since he entered the room.
“Wanna try it on?” I ask.
“Can I?”
“Of course you can! Get here, you dummy”
Just as I expected. He really just wanted to try it on.
“Alright, so I need you to stay very quiet, alright?” I ask him. It’s already hard for me to do it to myself, I can’t imagine trying it on another person.
“Okay” he answers.
I start drawing. He’s completely still. It’s like painting a statue. I legit can’t get my mind how this kid manages to not move. Not like I’m complaining, though.
For the first time, I don’t mess it up completely. It’s not perfect, but it’s not terrible. I pour a few drops on a cotton swab and start getting rid of the few imperfections he has carefully.
He suddenly turns away.
“Don’t move!” I order.
He complains “but it’s wet”.
“Do you want to look good or not?”
“Yes I do”
“Then you’ll have to endure this”
After some work, he looks perfect. I mean, not a 10/10 but a solid 8 or 9. I mean, for my first time doing someone else’s make-up, it’s way more than what I would ask.
“Do I look good?” He wonders. I get out of my chair and let him see his face in the mirror. He looks astonished.
“Do you like it?” I ask him. He looks so happy…
“Do you think I look pretty?”
“Yeah, I guess”
He stares at his eyes for some time. “I love it”, he admits after almost a whole minute. “Can I leave?” He asks.
“Why are you asking me that? Of course you can!” I answer.
Why is he asking me if he can leave our bedroom? He always asks permission for a lot of dumb things. This is our house, not a prison.
He quickly leaves the room and goes downstairs. I can hear him yelling across the house. “Dad! Mom! Look how pretty I look!” I didn’t think he would be so excited about it.
I don’t feel like practicing anymore, so I just go downstairs as well. I wanna watch TV. I sit on the couch, relax and realize I can’t find the remote. I get up only to see mom walk up into the living room, and she looks angry.
“Why the hell does your little brother have makeup on?” She asks loud. If we weren’t living in a mansion, all our neighbors would have heard her yell.
“He just wanted to try it on” I answer as calmly as I can. “Is there any problem…?”
“He is a boy and boys don’t wear makeup!” She is so loud…
“Mom it’s just eyeliner, boys also wear eyeliner, Azzy does as well…” I just want her to stop asking me questions, I just wanted to watch TV for the angel’s sake.
“Azzy and his family are not normal!” she says. “Sure, whatever you say” I reply. Just leave me alone, gosh…
Suddenly, the front door opens and dad enters the room.
“What is going on? Dess what did you do that I could hear your mother from outside the house?” He asks genuinely. He doesn’t seem too worried.
“Why don’t you go check on Nick and see it for yourself?”
He starts to look worried. “Is he okay?” He asks.
“Check it yourself” she replies.
Dad leaves the room, and there is silence. I avoid eye contact with mom, I just want this moment to end, and I can feel her stare.
After a few minutes, dad comes back and by his facial expression, he looks really confused.
“Carol, can we talk?” He asks mom. They go upstairs, to their bedroom. Nick comes back, and although he is smiling, he has been clearly crying for a while. The liner wasn’t waterproof, so it looks terrible now. “Hey, do you want me to remove it? It has worn out” I ask him. He nods his head.
“Dess…” I hear. “Dess, are you awake?”
I turn around and see the silhouette of my brother staring at me, tucked in his bed.
“I don’t know, am I?” I reply.
I should be asleep as of right now, but I got caught up in reading some comics, and now it’s 1 AM and I’m still reading on my tablet.
But why is he awake?
“Why aren’t you asleep at 1 AM, Nick?” I ask him. At least I have an “excuse”. But he doesn’t seem to be doing anything.
“I’ve been thinking” he answers. “About Kris”
This is kind of weird.
“Why? Do you have a crush on them or what?” I tease him a bit as payback.
“Not it’s not that” he sounds kind of scared. I can hear some insecurity in his voice.
“What is it then?” I wonder.
“I…” he starts saying. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell anyone yet…” he continues.
“You know you can tell me anything” I tell him. I want him to feel safe.
“Promise you won’t judge me?” He asks. He truly asks this. He sounds like his whole life is depending on my answer.
“Of course not!”
“I don’t think I’m a boy” they finally reply after some time. I thought they had fallen asleep.
It makes sense. They have never been good at being a boy. And what happened today, well normally it wouldn’t have meant much, but it means a lot right now.
“So… you want to be like Kris?” I wonder. I want to understand them better.
“I don’t know” they say. “All I know is that I don’t wanna be Nick anymore”
I check on the clock. 1:30 AM. Our parents are asleep.
“Alright dummy, do you wanna do something crazy?” I ask them. But whatever they reply doesn’t matter, we are going to do it anyways.
“Like what?” They ask.
I get off my bed. I close the door and turn on the lamp. I open my closet and start looking for my old stuff.
“I’m going to dress you up” I state. I’m going to make my sibling the prettiest they’ve ever been, even if it is going to last only one night.
“For real?” They sound excited.
“For real, but don’t make too much noise because if mom and dad wake up, we might get into trouble” I warn them.
They get out of their bed and start looking through a selection of my old clothes. Most stuff is boyish clothing, but there are a few outliers for whenever I want to feel pretty.
Of course, they pick up a dress.
“I like this one”
It’s a very beautiful dress. Mom bought it for me… I can’t remember why, but it made me look pretty as hell. And now, they are going to try it on. I help them with their dressing.
Once they are done, I realize how pretty they look with it. They look even prettier than I did. If I was a stranger, I would think that they are just a short haired girl.
“You look like a girl” I mention.
“For real?” They sound too genuine. They look at themselves in the mirror. And then I notice something in their sight.
They had been wanting to try this one ever since it arrived at our house. Ever since it was in our closet, they had been waiting for a moment like this one. Whenever they looked at me with the dress on, they looked at me with desire. And now, they were looking at themselves with fulfillment.
“And do I look like a pretty girl?”
“Do you want to be a girl?”
“Do I look like a pretty girl or not?”
“You look prettier than I ever did in it. Anyone would think you are a pretty girl with short hair”
“Then I want to be one” she tells me. I give her a hug. To my little sister. She deserves the whole world. And I’m going to be there for her.
“You are the prettiest girl I’ve seen” I whisper to her ear. I can feel her excitement. “Wanna put on the eyeliner again?” I offer.
“And paint my nails as well?” She asks.
“And whatever else you want to do, Cinderella, but remember that the spell breaks after the sun rises”.
And we spent the rest of the night dressing her up. And she looked so pretty and so happy.
I had always known that there was something going on with her.
And she had finally figured it out.