Chapter Text
Useless.
Too small to play basketball .
Just overall weak.
Those thoughts were circulating all throughout Kuroko’s brain as he laid in bed, staring at his ceiling while it was past midnight. He had been trying to sleep ever since late evening since he had practice in the morning before class started. If only Kuroko could sleep though.
Why can’t you be strong like the others?
Weakling.
You are useless on your team.
A single tear slipped from Kuroko’s face as those thoughts kept replaying. Then more tears spilled out. Kuroko began to feel his heart pound, and his breaths became rapid and shallow. His body trembled under the covers as he curled up into fetal position, and hair damp with sweat. The bluenette began to realize something. He was having a panic attack and he needed to relieve his emotional pain.
Your team and basically everyone around you would be better off if you just died.
In Kuroko’s state, everything that is going on in his mind, he believes. On wobbly legs, Kuroko stood up and walked to the bathroom. Back in middle school, he had a history of self harm due to the bullying that went on. He has been clean ever since his first year of high school at Seirin, but all of that is bound to change at any minute. Kuroko opens up the bathroom mirror and begins to pull out a tiny bag that was filled with razor blades, seeming as if it hasn’t been touched in ages. He opens the bag with shaky fingers, pulling out a razor blade. With his right hand, he begins to glide the sharp metal onto his soft, delicate skin in fine lines. Kuroko slightly winces as blood begins to spill from his wrist and onto the floor. Once he is satisfied enough with the cuts, he steps back into the mirror and sees bottles of Tylenol and the old antidepressants that he used to take back when he was in middle school. He grips the top of the pill bottles open, and just decides to take each pill.
One by one.
Until each pill was all gone.
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Feeling at ease now, Kuroko finally stepped out of the bathroom and went back to a blissful, deep sleep. Upon waking a couple hours later, he noticed a sluggish and lethargic feeling throughout his body. Nonetheless, he still did his usual morning routine before heading out of his house to make sure he gets to school on time.
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Once Kuroko arrives at the gymnasium for practice, All of Seirin have an idea of figuring out what is wrong with Kuroko. His small body trembling, almost as if he was freezing cold. Face pale and damp with sweat. His usual rapid passes were a bit slower than usual.
“‘Scuse me guys.” Kuroko slurred weakly as his legs trembled as he made his way towards the bathroom. The shaking sensation within his knees only intensifies in which he falls over against the tile floors in the hallway just a few feet away from the bathroom.
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“Kuroko is taking a longer time than usual.” Hyuuga exclaims as it has been past 10 minutes. “Can someone go check on him? Specifically you, Kagami.”
“Got it.” Kagami replies as he exits the gymnasium. Once he is just a few feet away from the bathroom, he sees a mop of baby blue hair, lying on the floor, shivering yet unconscious. Kagami speeds his way over, and his usual neutral but close to angry facial expression has quickly transitioned into worry. He brushes Kuroko’s bangs out of his forehead and places the back of his palm on it, only to be relieved that he didn’t have a fever, but only to realize his small and fragile body started jerking.
Oh crap. Is Kuroko gonna be sick? What do I do?.
Kagami thought as he trusted his instinct which was to sit down next to Kuroko and pull his head in Kagami’s lap and turn him over on his side. As soon as Kagami has Kuroko settled in his lap, Kuroko immediately coughs up white and foamy vomit on Kagami’s thigh, resembling the pills he took the night before. The vomiting had continued for 5 or so minutes, in which Kagami held Kuroko’s hair with one hand and rubbed his back with the other.
“It’s gonna be fine Kuroko, just let it all out.” Kagami hushed until he realized what the white substance on his thigh was, the little specks of pills apparent, until then Kagami noticed there was streaks of blood in Kuroko’s vomit. Kagami pulled out his phone and texted Hyuuga.
Kagami: I have to take Kuroko to the nurse, hes not okay.
Hyuuga: What happened?
Kagami: He just puked blood on my lap, and he is passed out.
Kagami then put his phone away in his pocket and once Kuroko was finished, he then picked up Kuroko then carried him over the threshold, and began taking steps through the halls. Sadly since the nurse’s office was on the other side of the school building, Kagami had to walk across different hallways and stairwells with an unconscious Kuroko in his arms.
“...ngghh….” A groan came from someone other than Kagami, in that case, it was Kuroko. Kagami turned his head to where Kuroko was, with a concerned expression plastered on his face. “I-I’m sorry…” Kuroko slurred weakly and faintly. “I...did stuff…last night.”
“Kuroko? What the hell dude? Tell me what the hell you did.” Kagami said, flustered and worried all because he cares for Kuroko deeply.
“I...took...a bunch’a pills…and cut my wris…” Kagami’s eyes widened as soon as he heard those words coming from Kuroko. What could have caused Kuroko to do such a thing? Why did he do the things he did? Kuroko then fell unconscious again until he and Kagami arrived at the nurse.
Shit. Why Kuroko? Why?