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Lizzie wasn't certain when she started thinking of Charlie as her own. She'd never been close to the boy before Grace's death. Like others Lizzie had admired the sweet babe from afar, finding herself grinning stupidly whenever she had the pleasure be around him. From his very first breath, Charlie had been so sweet and gentle, causing everyone around him to be entrapped by his kind heart. Polly had remarked one day whilst minding him that he was everything his parents were not and although her hatred for his Mother ran deep, Polly's love for him ran deeper.
Lizzie had never been jealous of Grace but envious of her perfect life. To Lizzie, Grace had everything she could only dream of, everything she'd wanted before finding herself thrusted into a life of prostitution in order to survive. Lizzie wanted the loving husband, the beautiful house filled with lively children to run her ragged. She'd never told anyone but Lizzie had been pregnant before, a few months after Grace left the city and Tommy had found his way back into her bed. Eight weeks passed when Lizzie lost the baby leaving her heartbroken. After that she refused Tommy for a two months before allowing him through her front door again.
When Grace was killed, Lizzie no longer felt envious of the woman instead she felt a deep sadness. Sadness that both Grace's and Tommy's world had been ripped apart but also sadness for the young child who suddenly found himself without his Mummy, a child too young to understand why she was no longer there. The world seemed to stop for a moment as Tommy began to grieve. Lizzie no longer got to see Charlie's smiling face during his visits to the office with Grace or hear his screams of laughter as his Dad tickled his sides. She would watch them through the office windows in awe but the office blinds had soon been drawn and Charlie no longer came instead he was kept at Arrow House under the careful eyes of the maids along with the Peaky Blinders.
A few weeks passed by slowly when Lizzie had been called into Tommy's office like a lamb to the slaughter. The blinds remained draw, filling the room in darkness but Lizzie had seen tommy clearly. Resting in his throne she'd caught sight of the deep sadness within his eyes but also a familiar look, a look she'd seen many times before with the ability to make her feel both wanted and unwanted all at once. It was never her or her heart that he was after but the cunt between her legs and a warm body, it was all it had ever been.
From that day, Lizzie was called into the office multiple times a week whenever Tommy decided to make an appearance. It wasn't all too bad, he was rough and distant but cared enough to seek out her pleasure as well as his own. She was always left feeling more than satisfied yet even more unwanted each time he called her into the room. What had first been quick office fucks had soon turned into late night house visits. Whenever Tommy found himself alone in the big house, left with nothing but his thoughts he soon picked up the phone and Lizzie would appear on his doorstep like a perfectly wrapped gift dropped from the fucking sky to be at his mercy until he was done. It was in these times that Lizzie found herself getting closer to the youngest Shelby of the house.
"Tommy!" Lizzie moaned out, her hands fisting the bed sheets below to steady herself beneath him. He hadn't even offered her a drink this time. Instead she'd been led straight up the stairs and into the bedroom, not the bedroom he shared with Grace of course, that room had now been locked up keeping the past inside, keeping her inside. Lizzie was grateful to feel the softness of a mattress beneath her and not the hard wood of Tommy's desk. It frightened Lizzie that at times she found herself grateful for the littlest care she received from Tommy. There were times she wanted to kill him and times where she would melt like a blushing schoolgirl whenever he laid a hand on her shoulder or praised her work. She ached for his approval but also want to rebel against it and show him that she was more than just a warm body for him.
She could feel his thrusts starting to slow down, the hands wrapped round her hips loosening as his stare melted into the back of her head.
"You alright Liz, do you want me to stop?" She heard him call out, the voice that had once been thick with arousal, now calm and soft.
Fuck! She'd allowed her train of thoughts to run away, distracting her from where she was for a moment. Tommy believed she was no longer enjoying herself, he was going to stop and pull away from her. Lizzie had the habit of losing herself in thought quite often yet she'd never done it with Tommy, she'd always been present, not lately though. The more they slept together, the more Lizzie found herself wanting more, not just from him but from any man she hoped to have a future with. She didn't see a future with Tommy, he would never give her the house to fill with children. Lizzie was now twenty four and not getting any younger, she didn't want of just be that warm body anymore.
'He's grieving, he needs you' A voice nagged in her head and letting one hand come free from below, Lizzie ran her fingers slowly into her folds and softly began to caress her clit, letting out a small huff of pleasure as she did so, her hips pressing back into him until her arse was pressed firmly against him.
"No keep going" Lizzie murmured feeling her stomach coil up delightfully, her thoughts flushed from her mind until she could no longer focus on anything but the way he felt inside her.
The mood had already been ruined and despite a few more weak thrusts Tommy couldn't shake the thought that there was something wrong with Lizzie and not wanting her to feel forced to continue, he slowly pulled himself from her with a sigh.
"What's up Liz?" He questioned his eyes never leaving her form as she got up from the bed and rearranged her skirts. A flash of sadness bore deeply within her features before it disappeared and she gave him a soft smile.
"It's nothin' Tom, m'just tired" She answered quietly almost as if she were expecting him to tell her off. Not wanting him to read her further, Lizzie walked off into the bathroom to clean herself up. Through the mirror that rested above the sink she saw he'd followed her inside but keeping her head low she kept herself to herself and began to turn the cold tap on.
"Just tired ey? How long have I known you? This isn't just tired" He protested strongly leaning up against the doorframe and watching her wash her face. This wasn't like Lizzie, she was never distant from him and the last time she had been was after Epsom. As far as Tommy knew she'd been perfectly happy all day.
"Tom I swear it's nothin'. I had a lot to do at work today and I think it's put me in the wrong mood. I'll be fine after a good nights rest"
"Are you saying I work you too hard now?" Tommy jested with a small smirk that quickly dropped from his face, replaced by a stern frown "If you're not in the mood Lizzie you can tell me, you don't have to show up every time I call. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this"
"Do this? What, fuck you?" She chuckled as she turned to face him, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Liz, I mean"
A loud cry interrupted Tommy's words and Lizzie thanked the heavens quietly. Opening up to Tommy was not something she wanted to try again after failing so many times in the past. She hated pouring her heart out knowing fine well he wasn't listening to a word she said. The cries became louder cutting through Lizzie's small moment of victory.
"Charlie" She acknowledged in concern, surprised by how gut wrenching his cries were. She'd never heard a baby cry like this, not unless they had been hurt.
"I'll go check on him" Tommy replied quickly turning away from Lizzie and rushing out the room. Tommy was a man of many faults but being a bad Father wasn't one of them, he adored his little boy.
Charlie's cries continued as Lizzie placed her shoes and coat back on. If they weren't going to fuck she was now overstaying her welcome. This is how things worked, they would fuck and she would leave without a word, sometimes he'd offer her a cigarette for the road but nothing more. There was no point in staying for conversation when there was nothing for them to discuss.
Walking out the bedroom door, Lizzie decided she would take the time Tommy was away to slip out the house. No doubt she would be called into the office tomorrow but for now Lizzie wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. Rather than heading towards the stairs, Lizzie found herself moving towards Charlie's nursery. She wasn't sure why, perhaps it was his little cries causing her unrest and a part of her couldn't leave until she made sure both Charlie and Tommy were fine for the night.
She knew she was overstepping as she walked into the open doorway to see Tommy trying desperately to soothe his child. He was rocking him on his hip, kissing his crown with gentle hums yet nothing appeared to be working.
"Is he ok?" She called out gently, alerting tommy to her presence. Lizzie waited for him to tell her to leave instead he threw her a quick glance and moved his attention back to Charlie.
"He gets like this sometimes....since Grace died. Can go on all night until he wears himself out" Tommy informed her and through her pity for the pair, Lizzie took and chance and stepped forwards with her arms outstretched.
"Would you like me to try?" She asked sweetly giving Charlie a bright smile as he shyly looked over at her, his cheeks red and soaked with tears. Tommy on the other hand looked startled at the thought of giving his child over to her "Don't look at me like that Tommy I've always been good with kids. The least I can do is try while I'm 'ere"
"Suit yourself" He grunted and feeling her heart flutter in delight, Lizzie made the rest of the journey over to them and gently took Charlie from Tommy's arms.
It had been a while since she'd looked after a baby but her doubts in calming him never wavered, she was determined. Cupping the back of his head, Lizzie brought it to rest on her chest and supporting the rest of his body with her free arm she cleared her throat and thought of a song.
"Little wild rose in the hedgerow growing,
Coral pink petals blushing and glowing,
While out on the air your perfume is blowing,
Little wild rose, so fair.
Fond little love, in a sweet sleep dreaming,
Dreaming of eyes with the love flame gleaming,
While out on the night a bright moon is beaming,
Dear little love, so true"
"I didn't know you could sing Liz" Tommy whispered looking at her in surprise, hiding his delight as Charlie's cries began to settle.
"Never needed to sing around you Tom" She humoured sticking her tongue out at him before going back to singing until Charlie's sniffles stopped completely and the room was filled with silence again "See told you I was good with kids"
She was more than just a warm body.
From that day Tommy sought Lizzie out often to look after Charlie and each time she would accept with the biggest smile on her face. They still fucked but looking after Charlie had became her favourite thing to do. Watching him grow made her glow with pride and now as he snuggled into her side on the bed, Lizzie couldn't help but fall in love with the child all over again. After falling pregnant with Ruby, Charlie wanted to be around her more often, attached to her hip whilst he questioned just how lizzie had managed to get his sister in her tummy and when Lizzie had moved in two months ago the boy has became her shadow.
Lizzie hadn't wanted to live in Arrow House, she was perfectly content in her own but after spotting blood within her knickers, Tommy in his worry had all but demanded Lizzie move in despite the midwife reassuring him that everything was well. She didn't want this move to give her false hope that Tommy would somehow become more to her than just the Father of her child. Of course she was delighted that he wanted Ruby but where did that leave Lizzie?
She couldn't stay here forever living happy families, it would do nothing but confuse her as well as the children.
"Oh look Charlie, Ruby is kicking again" Lizzie gasped excitedly glancing down at Charlie as her stomach began to move, Ruby was awake. It was the strangest feeling and the closer she got to her due date the more strange it became. It was also the most wonderful feeling knowing it was her little girl and Lizzie was growing more impatient to finally be holding Ruby in her arms.
"Can I feel?" Charlie asked, his eyes lit in wonder, his little hand already reaching up and laying gently on Lizzie's stomach. With any luck the Ruby would be here in a few weeks, her due date was fast approaching and she prayed she wouldn't go over. Lizzie was tired of pregnancy and desperate to feel herself once again.
"She's strong isn't she sweetheart?" Lizzie smiled placing her hand on top of Charlie's and guiding it along Ruby's movements, not wanting Charlie to miss anything "Mummy and Charlie can feel you Ruby, it's about time you came to greet us"
"Mummy?" A little voice asked, hesitantly as Charlie pulled his hand away and sat up on the bed.
"Yes Charlie?" Lizzie answered dreamily before she froze in shock and turned to look down at him, her eyes wide and her words gone from the tip of her tongue.
Had she heard him correctly?
Had Charlie called her Mummy?
She could see from his face that he seemed nervous, almost as if he had thought about the word long and hard before gathering his guts and allowing it to roll off his tongue.
"Mummy, will Ruby be coming out your tummy soon?" He questioned with a shy smile, his beautiful eyes innocently staring up at her, waiting for her to answer his question.
"Yes" Lizzie managed to get out and reaching up she cupped his cheek and placed a small kiss upon the top of his head "I hope so Charlie"
She should of corrected him, she knew she should of corrected him. Tommy was going to be furious. Lizzie wasn't Charlie's Mother, Grace was and Lizzie doubted Tommy would ever let another woman be more than just a minder to his son. As she walked down to dinner, hand in hand with Charlie, Lizzie came to the conclusion that she didn't want to correct him. She would never dare to think of stepping into Grace's shoes and taking over as his Mum but Lizzie loved the little boy as much as she did Ruby. She'd grown so close to him and hearing him calling her Mummy had made her want to cry in joy. Charlie was Grace's and Tommy's boy but now in a way he was also Lizzie's boy. Lizzie needed to talk to Tommy first, it was important she respected his decisions when it came to parenting Charlie nevertheless he also needed to know that Charlie had a right to decide too. She should of never agreed to move in, she should of told Tommy to fuck off with his demands. Already the situation was confusing Charlie and Ruby hadn't even arrived yet.
She ignored the glares she felt coming from Grace's portrait and continued down the stairs, holding onto to Charlie with everything she had as nerves began to bubble up inside her.
Lizzie had tried to tell him multiple times already but nothing came out of her mouth, instead she sat there gawking like a fish on dry land, the food in front of her getting colder with each minute that passed. Tommy didn't care to be there, he never did. As always he sat with a cigarette dangling from his lips while watching Charlie with a small smile, taking in the boys beautiful face before he was called back into the office for work. He'd been working more lately, trying to build up his campaign to take over the role as the Labour MP for the constituency of Birmingham South. If he won everything would change, more than it ever had done so before. Tommy Shelby MP, it was fucking insane to Lizzie.
'Tell him! Tell him!' Her inner voice screamed at her sending Lizzie further into a blind panic and connecting eyes with Charlie she watched a mask of worry cross his face.
"Is Ruby's kicks hurting you again Mummy?"
Fuck!
The air from the room seemed to disappear through the windows leaving behind nothing but suffocating tension. Lizzie didn't dare move her eyes fringe Charlie as Tommy's glare pierced the side of her head. She knew right away that he believed this to be her fault, that she had put that word into Charlie's mouth. She'd never encouraged him to do this, today had been the first time he'd called her it. The word had been just as unexpected to her as it had been to Tommy only Lizzie was upset to hear it.
"Lizzie is not your Mum Charlie" Tommy finally spoke up cutting through both hers and Charlie's hearts without remorse, his voice like ice.
Lizzie watched Charlie's face become crestfallen and with a whimper he placed his fork down on table and looked at the floor.
"Tommy" Lizzie uttered wanting to rush to Charlie's side and take away the hurt he felt until he smiled for her once again. As young as he was, Charlie was smart enough to understand what his Dad had said and how much it had hurt him.
Ignoring her, Tommy got up from his chair and cleared his throat.
"Francis, watch Charlie for a moment. Lizzie follow me into the office please"
And then he was gone, storming from the dinning hall like a walking hurricane leaving Lizzie feeling like a child about to be told off by the headteacher.
No!
Lizzie was not about to let him make her feel this way and throwing down the napkin that had once been in her lap on top of the table, she jumped up from her own chair and followed after him, her feet screaming out in protest as she did so. She was too pregnant to fight with Tommy Shelby but by God she would give it her best fucking go.
"Was this you?! Putting words into his mouth making him believe that we're goin' to be playing fuckin' happy families" Tommy demanded once the office door had closed behind Lizzie. She watched him pace the room feeling her own fury growing the more he glared at her.
Of course it was her fault, it was always her fucking fault.
"No Tom it wasn't me! Today was the first time he's said it and you can't blame him for being confused" Lizzie snapped before taking a deep breath and continuing. She didn't want this to turn into a screaming match, not while Charlie was in perfect distance of hearing them "He's been with me almost everyday for two years. He's Ruby's brother, he hears me talking to her. Do you want her to know me as Lizzie too? Look I understand this isn't what you want but if the kids are goin' to be raised together we need to figure this out now so we don't confuse them both, it's not fair and frankly it's not your decision to make, it's Charlie's. Grace will always be his Mum, he knows this, he talks about her with me but I do not want to be constantly correcting him for regarding me as a Mother too. I won't hurt him like that Tom, he's just a child"
"Yes he's a child, my child Lizzie, my child and as his only living parent I say who he does and doesn't fuckin' call Mum" Tommy cursed pressing his index finger into the wood of his desk like he was trying to stamp the words into her mind.
"You're right Tommy, he is your boy but I think he should be able to decide. I love him Tom, looking after him make my days brighter. Please just talk to him, don't leave him confused and upset especially when he's worked so much courage up to call me Mummy" Lizzie pleaded feeling Ruby stirring inside as she tried to find a comfortable spot in Lizzie's now cramped womb. Resting her hand on her stomach she mourned for the little boy who was growing up without a Mother while wanting one, a present one. Of course it wasn't Grace's fault she wasn't here to raise him, everything would of been easier if she were. Now things were difficult but what was best for Charlie had to come first.
"I don't need to talk with him Lizzie, they'll be no confusion once you're gone" Tommy stated finally stopping his pacing and settling within his chair, reaching for his cigarette case and lighter.
"Once I've gone where?" Lizzie asked with a sharp frown. It was his idea that she move in this fucking house in the first place and now she was going to be shipped off again like always.
"Back to your house, bringing you to live here was a mistake"
That was it. Tommy was done with the conversation, it was time for her to go.
"Yeah it fucking was!" Lizzie sneered yanking open the office door and storming out, her heart racing and hands trembling in anger.
She wanted to kill him! All this time she'd spent with Charlie and now tommy was going to separate them. Slowly she felt the cracks beginning to open up in her heart and pausing in the lounge, Lizzie bent over and emptied the contents of her stomach.
She didn't want to lose Charlie, not now.
Tommy wrestled with his thoughts for the next few days wondering if he had done the right thing in correcting Charlie. A part of him had listened to Lizzie and decided to sit Charlie down the night after the incident. It didn't matter how much he explained to Charlie why Lizzie couldn't be Mummy or why it hurt him to hear it, Charlie was too young to understand and the more Tommy spoke the more sad Charlie became. Lizzie was good with his son, she was very attentive, caring and loving towards him so Tommy shouldn't have been surprised to find out Charlie saw her as a Mother figure. Tommy tried to disregard his own feelings on the matter but everywhere he turned he saw his wife and couldn't allow Lizzie to step into her place yet he hated seeing his son in a state of heartbreak more.
He hadn't told Charlie, Lizzie would be leaving and by the time Tommy had argued with himself over and over Lizzie had went into labour earlier than expected sending the house into a hectic mass of panic.
Charlie wasn't sure what was going on but he was scared. Cuddled up to his favourite teddy he had quickly been driven to his Aunt Polly's by his Dad in the middle of bath time only for his Dad to leave as quickly as he came. Before leaving the house Charlie had watched him run around shouting for a doctor to be called, his worried face striking fear in Charlie along with the loud painful moans coming from the other room, his Mum's room. Charlie had tried to get inside to see her but had been pulled away by Francis who lead him out to the car.
Something was wrong with his Mum.
Was it Ruby? Why wouldn't they let him see her?
Bringing his Teddy closer to his chest, Charlie stared over at his Aunt Pol who was sat on the lounge chair with him waiting by the phone.
"What's wrong with Mummy?" He whimpered wanting to go home and see her. He didn't understand why he was here when Mummy needed him. She always told him his hand stroking her tummy helped put Ruby to sleep so him and Mummy could rest. That's why he needed to go home, to help put Ruby to sleep.
"Everything is alright Charlie, your little sister is on her way" Aunt Polly informed him gathering him up in her arms and gently rocking him back and forth.
If Ruby was coming why wasn't anyone happy? Why did everyone look scared? Why was Mummy in pain?
Silently Charlie began to weep into the soft fur of his teddy, the Teddy his Mum had bought him when she came to stay with him. Feeling his eyes beginning to drop, Charlie allowed them to close, his tears coming faster as the sound of painful moans filled his head again.
"Charlie" Tommy whispered, softly running his fingers through Charlie's hair in an attempt to wake him "Charlie"
Seeing that his son was beginning to stir, Tommy leant in and kissed his brow, tickling him underneath the chin until his eyes fluttered open.
"Good morning Charlie" Tommy greeted him with a large smile watching as the boys eyes suddenly filled with tears before he let out a large sob.
"Mummy, I want Mummy" Charlie wailed jumping off the lounge chair and into his Dad's arms, his body trembling against him and letting out a sigh Tommy pulled him close and attempted to comfort him.
"Liz.....Mummy's alright Charlie. I thought you might like to go home and see her and Ruby"
"Ruby's here?" Charlie asked pulling away with a wide surprised stare, his tears still trickling like a small stream running through the woods.
"Yes, would you like to go see her?" Tommy smiled again getting up from the ground with Charlie still in his arms as his thoughts returned to his girls waiting at home. Ruby was perfect, the most perfect little girl he'd ever laid eyes on. He now had two perfect children, the greatest blessings Tommy had ever received.
"I'm going to give her my teddy" Charlie announced happily, keeping tight hold of the toy for Ruby so he didn't drop it.
"M'sure she's goin' to love it me boy, c'mon let's get you home it's been a long night"
The house was calm when they finally arrived back. Everyone was grinning, their spirits lifted at the arrival of little miss Ruby Shelby. Lizzie had instructed tommy to go get Charlie right away and not wanting to leave her waiting any longer, he walked through the house hand in hand with Charlie and up the stairs to Lizzie's room.
She was sat up in bed with Ruby cradled in her arms, buried within a blanket too big for her tiny frame. Lizzie was exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes told the story of a hard labour yet her face was lit up with happiness as she stared down at the baby, their baby.
"I found a lost soldier" Tommy spoke up walking over to the bed with a nervous looking Charlie. Hearing his voice, Lizzie brought her attention to them and held out a free hand.
"Charlie my love, I've missed you"
"Mummy are you ok?" Charlie asked accepting her hand and carefully climbing onto the bed, sinking into her side like always only this time Ruby was on the outside and no longer moving around inside her tummy.
"I'm ok darling, very tired but happy to see you" Lizzie cooed glancing up at Tommy with a pleading look. She didn't want to correct him, she refused to.
"It's alright Lizzie" Tommy nodded coming to sit down next to Charlie and wrapping an arm around Lizzie's shoulders he leaned over and placed a kiss on the side of her head.
"She's so small!" Charlie remarked with a gasp, peering down at Ruby in awe and bringing up his teddy he carefully placed it by the bottom of the blanket "There you go Ruby, it's yours now"
"Oh Charlie, it's a beautiful gift" Lizzie chimed pulling him impossibly close, the cracks in her heart mending as she stared down at her children. Tommy had already promised her that she could stay, the kids weren't going to be living separately. She wasn't certain how it was going to work between her and Tommy but she would do everything she could to make it work and make the home a happy place for the kids to grow up in.
Lizzie now had everything she'd dreamed of as a girl, the beautiful home and the perfect children. She didn't have Tommy, she knew she never would but that didn't matter to her now. Her heart belonged to Charlie and Ruby. Turning her head to look at Tommy she shared a smile with him and nodded gratefully.
"Thank you for them Tommy"
For her girl
And for her boy
Lizzie Stark was no longer just a warm body, she was a Mother.