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"This is a stupid fucking game," Mac slurred into his beer.
It was stupid. For Mac and Charlie, at least. Dee and Dennis were kicking ass as always, one card away from advancing to level three: emotional battery and public humiliation. It was all over after that. Dee and Dennis were psychologically untouchable.
Charlie drew a card shakily—physical challenges usually ended up for him as extreme trials of pain endurance—and tried without success to read the challenge.
"Tw.. twaa-aaahh..?"
Mac snatched the card away. "Two, Charlie. The word is two. 'Two opposing players must go in the back room and—" Mac squinted, unsure that he was really reading what he was reading. "..and dry hump until one of them comes. Whoever lasts longest gets the card.' Who wrote this?!"
Dennis raised a hand shyly, eyes not leaving the table. "I mean," he began. "I figured we'd be playing this with chicks, at some point."
Dee matched Mac's squinting. "It's called 'CharDee MacDennis,' who else wo—?"
"I see the problem, Dee! Okay? I see the error of my ways now! Just get in the back with Charlie!"
"Whoa whoa whoa," Charlie looked the card over pointlessly and looked up. "..does it have to be Dee?"
"Well, no," Mac said, setting the card down. "It just says 'opposing players'.."
"Okay, sweet. I pick Dennis."
Dee squinted again. "You can't do that."
"Uh, actually yes I can, Dee!" Charlie began yelling, stepping off his barstool. "See, you're a girl. You can easily lie and say you're not getting off when in actuality you're down there havin' like a thousand orgasms or whatever. But with Dennis, I'm gonna know right away!"
"Yeah," Mac agreed. "Plus, no one really wants to think about you dry humping anyone, Dee."
"Yeah, eugh," Charlie and Mac exchanged disgusted looks, the former crossing to drag Dennis by his arm to the back room. "I don't even wanna imagine what you look like mid-orgasm, Dee, I'll see ya later."
Dennis was dragged back, gaping and forming wordless objections.
"Hey, you know what," Mac said. "We just missed calling Charlie out on asking a question."
"Yeah. Didn't miss you though." Dee handed her glass over smugly. Mac attempted to flip the board.
--
Once inside, Charlie shut the door behind them. And locked it.
"Charlie, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Hey, man! You can't ask questions, the clock's running!"
"Charlie, if we are going to do anything remotely sexual, I reserve every right to ask questions."
Charlie rolled his eyes—"Alright, fair enough"—and proceeded to shove Dennis against the door by his hips, grinding into him.
Dennis's face flushed as he realised, somehow, to his horror, he was getting a boner from this. What's more, Charlie already had one. "O-okay, what the fuck are you doing now?!"
"..? I'm dry humping you, dude."
"Well, stop. Not in jeans. I can't come in jeans."
Charlie stopped, suddenly outraged. "Oh? OH?! Well WHAT DO YOU WANT, DENNIS? Do you need me to UNDRESS YOU? To COMPLETE THE FANTASY?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!"
"No! Dude, chill out!"
"JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT DENNIS, AND I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU. AND I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU, OKAY, DENNIS?!!"
Dennis just stared. "O.. okay, man, just.. calm down.."
"OKAY!! ...take your pants off and get on the floor."
Dennis nodded slowly, unzipping his jeans.
--
Meanwhile, Mac was still sipping his beer and glaring.
"I'm telling you, Dee, I hear them asking questions. Charlie just asked a shitload of questions."
"Give it up, Mac, if we interrupt them now, they're not gonna finish the challenge."
"But they're breaking rules! They have to drink!"
Dee brought her hands up in her eyes in classic cry-baby fashion. "Ooh, is Mac upset that Charlie's banging his boyfriend? Is Mac upset?!"
"..that's a question!!" Mac screamed, face red. "That's a question! You have to drink!"
"That was taunting, shut the fuck up, baby."
--
"Why didn't you take off your jeans, dude?"
"Oh, I don't need to, man, I can come in anything."
Dennis didn't know how he'd allowed it, but Charlie was mounting and humping him. And for a victim of a myriad of sexual abuses, Dennis had to admit, Charlie knew what he was doing.
"That's a really weird thing to know about yourself, dude."
"Oh is it? IS IT?!"
Although, Dennis had to admit, for all the abuse, Charlie was predictably batshit. He considered for the first time that this might be the most normal sexual encounter of Charlie's life.
"I am SICK of TAKING your SHIT, DENNIS," he half-screamed, punctuating the words with thrusts. "And if you don't stop, I'm gonna smack you, I swear to God."
Dennis looked horrified for a moment, then tried to stifle it.
"Wait a sec, do you like that? Would you like getting smacked?"
"..I'm not gonna answer that!"
So Charlie smacked him. And Dennis moaned. Loudly.
"Do not do that again, Charlie."
"Hell yeah, I'm gonna do it again!" he yelled, resuming his pace. "You like that? You like it, you little slut?"
"Ch-Charlie, I-.. oh~.. o-oh, Charlie, s-seriously, dude, stop.."
"You don't really sound like you want me to stop~" Charlie hit him again. Dennis practically screamed this time.
"Seriously man!! P-please, stop!"
"No, Dennis. I'm gonna win this. And you're gonna let me."
"Ch-Charlie~!"
--
Mac and Dee were, at this point, entirely focused on the back room door.
"..does it.. Does it sound like he's hurting him? It sound like he's getting hurt."
Charlie thrust the door open before Dee could make another Mac-loves-Dennis comment.
"I did it, guys! I won!"
Mac's face lit up. "We get a card?!"
"We get a card!!"
Dennis was visible from the waist up in the doorway, hands over his eyes
Mac was right. This was a stupid fucking game.
--