Chapter Text
Cycling with Manami was hard to describe.
Onoda didn't know what exactly made it so different from riding with all the other people he knew. Naruko's cycling was brash and mischievous and Onoda always felt an undercurrent of friendly rivalry whenever they rode together. In contrast Imaizumi was cool and confident and Onoda had the impression of being firmly supported by his friend during their rides together. Cycling with the Sohoku team filled Onoda's chest with a fierce sense of belonging and pride.
But Manami was different and Onoda noticed it from the moment they met. There was something entirely pure about the way he rode, like a child; cycling for the sake of cycling. He was not trying to reach a certain speed or gain a certain score; he was simply happy to be pedalling up a hill, eyes sparkling, hair swaying in the air as he pushed against the wind. Onoda hadn't seen such a pure look of enjoyment on somebody's face for a very long time. Certainly not since he was a little boy. He noticed that teenagers tended to lose that stubborn single-minded passion of repeating the same activity over and over again. That belonged in the childhood. Onoda recognized that he too lost it somewhere along the way; when he cycled there was always a firm goal in his mind, an extrinsic motivation that was outside of himself. Catching up with his team-mates...reaching Akihabara...returning home... Onoda remembered that once upon a time he had that pure enjoyment too. Seeing Manami's riding made him want to experience it again.
"Isn't the weather great today?" Manami sighed, eyes shut for a moment and Onoda suddenly became conscious of the fact that he was staring. He immediately turned to face the road, cheeks red.
"Y-yes. Not too hot, yet," he replied with a timid smile. It was true. The temperature was still forgiving, the late spring not yet giving into to the harsh summer heat. The cicadas weren't crying out yet.
Manami grew quiet again, seemingly focused on something unseen at the top of the hill. It was always like that between them, Onoda knew. They didn't really talk much whenever they met up like this; Manami would visit him and they would ride together and sometimes not say one word the entire time. Onoda assumed it was because they didn't really have many common interests outside of biking. He liked anime and Manami...what did Manami like to do? As far as Onoda knew, the boy was only interested in bikes, slopes and sleeping.
"Manami-kun...do you like nature?" Onoda asked tentatively, regulating his breathing as they entered the steepest part of the hill.
"Hmm, I guess you can say that," Manami hummed thoughtfully, glancing at the trees passing them by "I like how alive it is."
'Alive'. Onoda chuckled at the answer. What a funny way to say it.
"What's so funny?" Manami smiled at him and swayed teasingly towards his bike, "Are you laughing at me, Sakamichi-kun? That's mean!" he admonished playfully, baby blue eyes large and comically sad.
Onoda opened his mouth to answer but a sudden pressure on his bicycle made him steer right and with a panicked cry he crashed into his friend. The collision forced the breath out of his lungs.
There was a moment of confusion during which Onoda could only shakily inhale mouthfuls of air. He was lying on the road, glasses no longer on his face. His right knee ached and in the distance he could hear a soft exhale. The boy continued to lie on the warm asphalt for a moment, trapped in strange daze, before he remembered his friend and jumped to his feet.
"Manami-kun!"
"It's alright, I'm fine!" a vaguely Manami-shaped blur called from the side of the road and Onoda moved forward with a grimace.
"I'm so sorry, it was my fault, I wasn't paying attention to the road and-"
"Sakamichi-kun."
Without a warning Manami was right in front of him and something firm and cold enveloped his face. Onoda instinctively winced but the moment he opened his eyes again, his eyesight was back. Oh, glasses.
"Thank you," he nodded jerkily, adjusting the thin frames. Fortunately they didn't seem to be broken; Onoda's eyesight was pretty bad so he doubted he would have been able to bike down such a large hill without glasses if he couldn't see what was on the road in front him...speaking of which...
Onoda turned to pick up his bike, undamaged thankfully, and looked around the road to see the reason for the crash. He was sure that he felt something bump into his bike...maybe there was a stray tree branch or-
"Oh!" Onoda gasped as he saw what lay on the asphalt road. Small. Furry. Unmoving.
"A fox," Manami stated next to him, picking up his own bike with slow movements. The whole time he was staring at the animal carcass with wide eyes. Indeed it did look like a fox. Onoda felt like crying.
"I didn't- was it me that-t-that-"
"It was already dead," Manami put a hand on his shoulder and the touch felt warm and comforting, "Look at it. Must have been here for quite some time."
It was true. It was only when Onoda forced himself to look at the dead creature for longer than a second that he realized there were maggots crawling in its insides. It was a scary sight and Onoda immediately covered his eyes.
"W-we have to do something...what if somebody else rides here...or if some kids see it." Onoda knew that if children saw something like this they would probably have nightmares. He didn't want anything like that to happen.
When Onoda turned to look at his friend, Manami nodded and without a word handed his bicycle to the other boy. Then he walked up to the animal corpse. Now that he got over the initial shock, Onoda began to smell the stink of rotting meat, drifting towards him along the lukewarm breeze. It made him want to throw up. The fox's decaying insides were open for the whole world to see, looking somewhat vulgar on an ordinary hill road.
Manami had his back turned towards him, silently looking down at the corpse. He was completely still with the exception of the light breeze tugging at his hair and clothes. Onoda assumed he was thinking about what to do. Then suddenly the boy crouched down and his arms moved. For a moment Onoda didn't know what he was doing but when Manami turned towards him, the fox was carried in his hands.
"Manami-kun! You shouldn't touch it!" Onoda cried out "I-it's not hygienic!" He was keenly aware of the maggots crawling inside the furry corpse, some of them making their way onto Manami's wrists. How could the boy stand touching the animal? It was so disgusting that Onoda felt ready to pass out, his gag reflex activating somewhere inside himself. Fortunately he managed to keep his breakfast in.
"Oh, but we have to move it, right?" Manami asked, tone curious and casual and Onoda was taken aback by how much the boy didn't seem to care about the thing in his arms. There was not a hint of disgust on the climber's face.
"I suppose so..."Onoda breathed out and then hurriedly secured both of their bikes before leading Manami to the side of the road and over the short railing. The trees hovered above them, leaves rustling in the light breeze and Onoda was suddenly conscious of the buzzing, savage nature all around them. He wondered if this was what Manami meant by 'alive'. In the current situation, it unsettled Onoda.
Eventually they found a spot that was far enough from the main road and Manami placed the dead fox by a thick bark of a tree. There were some bugs still leftover on the boy's hands and Manami proceeded to carelessly flick them on the ground. Disoriented, they crawled across the forest grass. Manami must have noticed his gaze because he gave him one of his trademark friendly smiles.
"Do things like these scare you, Sakamichi-kun?"
"You mean bugs...?" Onoda asked, nose wrinkling with disgust.
"No," Manami turned back to stare at the fox, "death."
Onoda thought about the question. If he was honest with himself, being put in a position where he had to face the nature's ugly side was scary. He had never seen a dead animal before, certainly not one this size. Somehow mammals were different than insects in his mind. A large part of him felt sorry for the dead fox.
"I guess it's a bit unsettling" he admitted in the end.
"Hmmm" Manami hummed thoughtfully and then crouched down in front of the corpse."I think it's natural. Animals struggle and fight for survival just to continue living for a bit longer. It makes their lives more meaningful. More exciting. Humans don't have that anymore. Not in the society we're living in."
What a strange thing to say. Onoda had never imagined that words like these would ever come out of his friend's mouth. They were oddly mature, in contrast with Manami's usual energetic appearance.
"But we find ways to imitate it. With competitions and sports. It's not the same though" Manami continued, and he must have noticed Onoda's confusion because his sombre expression transformed into a concerned look. The strange atmosphere from before was suddenly gone.
"Sakamichi-kun, are you alright? Your face is pale." He lifted one of his hands in his direction but stopped half-way through, smiling apologetically "I probably shouldn't touch you with these."
"No, no I'm fine. It's just that...I feel kind of bad for the fox. It's just lying here, all alone" Onoda admitted quietly.
"Are you thinking that it will be missed by its little fox family?" Manami asked with an affectionate smile and Onoda blushed because that was exactly what had been going through his head.
"It's just sad" the boy replied.
Manami crouched down again, rolling up the sleeves of his school uniform and taking off his biking gloves.
"We can bury it then."
"L-like a grave?" Onoda squeaked in surprise and Manami gave him a warm smile.
"Yeah. I buried a lot of animals when I was little."
Onoda remembered that his friend's family home was in Odawara, an area that was surrounded by forests and hills. It made sense that he would encounter dead animals as a child. And yet the way Manami said it seemed to suggest something else. Deciding not to ask any further, Onoda nodded and rolled up his sleeves as well; the two of them went to work.
It was hard to dig up a hole with just their hands but Manami managed to find a place with soft soil and the longer they dig, the easier it got. Onoda noticed a return of that pure joy in Manami's body language as the boy put all his efforts into the dirty work the same way he did with cycling. The sight of it was infectious and soon Onoda began to enjoy the mindless physical labour as well -dig your fingers into the dirt, scrape up the soil, push it to the side and dig again- so much that he forgot why they were doing it in the first place. It was very pleasant to be here with Manami like this and the other boy must have felt the same way because he would continuously give Onoda smiles and words of encouragement.
Onoda never had many friends as a little boy but he imagined this is what childhood must have been like for those children he watched from afar but was never allowed to join. Doing something together, even as tedious as digging, was made enjoyable because of the company of the other person. No, more than enjoyable because Onoda felt that they were doing something useful, reaching a goal that they shared, not unlike riding side by side towards the road's finish line. It was a silly thought but at that moment Onoda wished that he had met Manami as a child and they could have been digging in the ground for worms and treasures. Perhaps that would have made Onoda's childhood a less lonely experience.
"There!" Manami sighed with pleasure and leaned back to look at the result of their work. The hole looked like it was deep enough to cover the fox completely and so Onoda stopped working as well and wiped at his sweaty forehead. He immediately regretted that action when he realized how dirty his hands were.
"Do you think it's enough?" Onoda asked, wanting to do a proper job.
"Sure!" Manami replied with a grin, already reaching for the carcass.
Onoda averted his gaze at the sight of the maggots, instead focusing on his friend's expression. Manami's face radiated calm patience, making him perhaps the most beautiful gravedigger in the world. The boy carefully lowered the fox into the hole and then began to cover it with the leftover soil. Once Onoda joined him, they were finished in a few minutes. For a lack of anything more meaningful to do, Onoda put his hand on top of the grave for a moment and patted the soil a few times before standing up. When he looked at Manami, his eyes widened in alarm.
"Manami-kun...your elbow!" Onoda didn't see it before as it has been covered by the sleeve but Manami had clearly suffered an injury during the crash. His right elbow was leaking blood, skin scraped until the glistening pink flesh peeked outside.
"Oh, I didn't even realize" Manami turned his arm to examine the wound, unconcerned "It's just a scrape."
"No way, it's bleeding! I have band-aids in my bag- come with me!" Onoda jerkily stood up and quickly made his way towards their bikes.Thankfully they were both still there, along with their bags and Onoda immediately reached inside his own, pulling out a handkerchief, band-aids and a water bottle.First he carefully cleaned his hands until they were dirt free, using the handkerchief to get rid of the cake soil and then he approached his friend. It was at this moment that the nervousness kicked in.
While Onoda had gotten hurt plenty of times and go treated by the school nurse and his mother, this was the first time he was on the other side of the equation. He wanted to do his best but somehow his hands were not cooperating, stiff and clumsy as he tried to clean the wound with the leftover water. The whole time Manami watched him with amused eyes. It was only when he was about to put the actual band-aids that the boys face changed. Onoda's nervousness made his fingers rough and during one particular clumsy movement he pressed his nails into the wound. Manami grunted in pain, surprised and Onoda looked at him in horror.
"Ah! I'm so sorry!" he apologized "I made it even worse!"
But Manami did not respond, his expression frozen as he stared at Onoda's hand. When the boy followed his gaze, he noticed blood on the tip of his nails. Manami's blood.
"Are you alright? Does it hurt?" Onoda asked but the only response he got was a strange throaty noise that did not indicate anything. Manami had shifted his gaze to Onoda's face now and his eyes were wide and unfamiliar. For a moment, it seemed like this was not Onoda's friend at all but somebody pretending to be Manami; or rather, something pretending to be human.
Instinctively, Onoda took a step back.
For a split second it looked like Manami would follow but then the boy tugged at his uniform shirt with a frustrated sigh and when their eyes met again, everything was normal. The strange moment had passed.
"You're pretty clumsy, aren't you, Sakamichi-kun?" Manami said with a smile, taking the band-aid from his stiff hand "It's cute."
"C-cute" Onoda laughed nervously "I don't think anyone ever called me cute before."
"Hmm? Really?" Manami's eyes were wide with honesty "I think it's rather obvious, though."
Onoda laughed some more, now blushing to the tips of his ears. It was really embarrassing to hear another guy call him cute but Manami was clearly not trying to be mean and so Onoda accepted it as a strange compliment. He felt rather silly now, thinking of his friend as scary just a minute ago.
Manami ended up using two band-aids, the cute Love Hime design contrasting against the boy's scraped skin. The two of them got back on their backs and continued their ride.
"Is this the anime you like to watch? The one about a princess?" Manami asked, lightly tapping his elbow with one hand, the other steering.
"Yes it is! How did you know? Do you watch anime too?" Onoda asked with poorly restrained hope.
"No, but when you climb uphill you sometimes mumble a song to yourself" Manami hummed a melody, singing only the first part of the Love Hime opening song. Just hearing that made Onoda embarrassingly happy.
"It helps me climb."
"You mean it helps you keep up a tempo?" Manami asked as they made it out of the forest area of the road. The hilltop view appeared below the railing.
"That as well but... it just gives me energy. Makes it more fun" Onoda attempted to explain "It's sort of hard to describe because it's tied to the message of the series."
There was a long pause during which the two boys rode in silence, the only sound being the wind rushing against their faces. Onoda thought the subject was dropped when Manami spoke again.
"That sounds interesting. What is Love Hime about then?"
Onoda's eyes lit up. Hearing that question coming from somebody as cool as Manami was a dream come true. His heart was beating hard as he tried to collect his thoughts before he opened his mouth and began to explain.
* * *
Later that night, just as he was about to fall asleep, Onoda received a message from Manami. His friend wrote that he had a great time and would like to meet with him again next week. With a smile Onoda typed a cheerful reply and then fell back into bed.
But for some reason sleep did not come and Onoda couldn't help but think of a particular thing Manami had said that day, which struck him as strange. Naturally, there were many weird ideas that his friend expressed during their meeting, the one about humans imitating the nature's struggle for survival with sports being the most prominent. But it was not this that went through his head now, no; it was one small comment Manami had made. The sentence was on loop in his mind as Onoda attempted to deconstruct its meaning, to find something that would allow him to pinpoint the reason for the uneasiness growing inside his chest.
'I buried a lot of animals when I was little.'
Manami said that, didn't he? And it clearly meant that he encountered a lot of dead animals in the past and buried them because he was a kind and sensitive person. That's what it meant. But then why did Onoda feel so uneasy when he remembered those words? There was something about the way the boy said them, something sinister that Onoda could not mention even in the privacy of his thoughts.
And yet a burst of confidence, brought on by the late hour and the darkness of his room made Onoda try to imagine the sinister depths hidden behind the carefree comment. If Manami as a child did not bury dead animals then did he bury them alive? Were foxes, cats and birds smothered by the heavy soil as Manami trapped them in earth? How horrible, Onoda thought with a pang of guilt, why was he imagining something so horrible about Manami? But even so he could not help himself but think of the other alternative which was...
Did Manami kill those animals with his own two hands before lowering them into the make-shift grave? At this thought Onoda buried his face in the pillow and grimaced, feeling awful. Why was he thinking about these things? Manami was kind. There was nothing about his character which suggested he was cruel or dangerous.
And yet there was that split second when Onoda scraped the boy's wound by accident when Manami seemed to transform before his eyes. His eyes looked scary, empty...no, not empty but in fact the very opposite- gaze filled to the brim with hunger and passion, overflowing with life, the way a pool might overflow during a storm. There was a pureness to this too but instead of inspiring a feeling of joy all Onoda felt was fear.
That night the boy's dreams were filled with dead foxes and Manami's dark silhouette looking down on him from the top of a lone hill. His hand was lifted in an unspoken invitation.