Chapter Text
Jeremy sat in his bedroom- messy and cold, like it had sat uninhabited for months. The walls were grey and uninspiring, blue curtains only half drawn. Unfortunately that reality wasn’t true, Jeremy had been living in this room, though he was more of a ghost these days than a person. He glanced down at his comforter, covered in dog hair and piling. It was in desperate need of a wash but Jeremy thought if he took the energy to strip his bed he might just die right there. He had no desire to take care of himself anymore so what was the point in clean sheets? It’s not like he slept much these days anyway.
A one sized too big blue sweater hung on his shoulders. At one point the fabric had been loose but appropriately fitting on his frame. More cozy winter day and less drowning is wool. The amount of weight he had lost in the last 3 months was something he could tell was concerning to his therapist but it was also a subject that they had hardly indulged in. He hoped he’d be dead by the time he had to sit across from a shrink and answer the ever so looming questions of “have you been eating Jeremy?”.
The thought made his heart sink. He sat with the feeling for only a moment before pulling himself from the depths of his mind.
Jeremy moved his eyes to the object currently in his grasp, twirling the grey pill around in his finger tips. Was he really about to do this all over again? He knew it was a shitty idea but fortunately there was no one there to stop him before he was parting his lips just enough to slip the pill onto his tongue and quickly swallow it down with a swig of the horrendously caffeinated green drink next to him.
Jeremy excepted the world to go blurry again right away but he had a few moments for the pit in his stomach to grow before he was gasping in pain. A SQUIP start up felt like the ninth circle of hell. He had had time since he’d last done this to pondering what exactly he could describe it as but no words seemed to fit quite right when he really thought about it. And he had thought about it. The words danced on the tip of his tongue- threatening to spill out but no matter how hard he concentrated on mushing his mouth into different shapes he just couldn’t express the words to describe it. He assumed it was some sort of trauma response- like women right after they give birth. The thought of labor made his skin crawl but he remember his mother saying she’d do 9 years of it rather than 9 months if I meant she would get another little Jeremy. It had to be the dopamine rush that clouded his memory.
For the first time in months though Jeremy could actually confirm he was alive, as dead things did not feel pain as intense as this. Maybe this was the end though? Maybe his body wouldn’t be able to take it again and he’d just slump over and die right there. That didn’t sound so bad.
He imagined his father walking into his room after not hearing from Jeremy in 2 or 3 days. There was no way his oh so concerned parent would even notice Jeremy was missing until it was already too late. He envisioned the look of horror on his fathers face as he met eyes with a grey or blue or green Jeremy. He would surly be covered in bodily fluids and his eyes might even be popping out of his head. That made his skin crawl. He thought that maybe that would be the greatest revenge for his fathers absence. He was only able to entertain that though for half a moment though before his blood turned to acid and he was yelping.
His body writhed and spasmed and unlike last time he knew this was only the start.
In the passing moment of relief he thought about throwing up as it would certainly make him feel better but knowing then he’d have to clean his sheets he sucked back the feeling.
And then the second much more intense wave hit him. It started in the back of his head, an electric pulse he was sure was strong enough to kill any man surging down his spine. His heart beat hard against his rib cage and he clutched his head. When he was sure he couldn’t take anymore and a strangled noise of pain escaped his gaping mouth it suddenly stopped.
Unlike last time there was no dialogue right away. The pain subsided in less than a minute but instead of instantly visualizing a reeves look alike sitting across from him or hearing a godly voice boom in his head there was nothing.
“Fuck”, he cursed, throwing his head into his hands. “I should have known better than to test my luck twice”, Jeremy muttered. It was obvious now looking back at the interaction. Of course the sketchy dealer behind the Payless wouldn’t have given Jeremy another legitimate SQUIP. There was no reason for this guy to believe Jeremy was rid of his original and he most likely thought Jeremy was just trying to waste the pill on a crush or something. God damn the ethics of this dodgey gym shoe dealer. He considered going back and demanding the remainder of his bar mitzvah money back but there had to be some kind of rule about not doing that when purchasing illegal things. He could never show his face at the mall ever again as he was sure by now everybody with a SQUIP in the whole world know he was indeed a dumb ass and to steer clear.
He collapsed back onto his bed, his head just barely missing the pillow but still leaving his neck in a weird craned position. He moved to readjust- flipping over on the his side in a pouty performance but freezing when his eyes met another’s set.
Instantly his breath hitched in his throat, sitting up and supporting himself on his elbows.
“H-hello”, Jeremy didn’t break eye contact but he sure wanted too.
“Hello Jeremy”, the voice echoed back.
In that very moment Jeremy knew he had made a grave mistake. For the second time in 3 minutes he thought again he was the stupidest person alive and a title like that was almost enough to make Jeremy cringe. What kind of masochistic fucking idiot would bring back the thing that almost took over the entire human civilization because he was lonely? A selfish masochistic fucking idiot named Jeremy Heere, that was who.
His mental spiral was cut short by the SQUIP clearing his throat. Jeremy had momentarily forgotten that SQUIP’s lived inside the users mind and therefore fucking enemy #1 had heard everything Jeremy had been repeating back in his head just moments earlier.
He imagined in that moment the SQUIP was getting ready to take control of his limbs and march his Jeremy meat suit right into drama rehearsal to take over the whole student body once again. He didn’t think, even if he wanted too, he would be able to fight it too much.
Jeremy was weak and needy and drowning and all the while staring motionlessly at the monster under his bed take full form right there in front of him.
“I apologize for my lack of response upon start up”, the other stated plainly with an almost look of actual remorse across his features. “You just have a very uncommon goal for me is all”, he continued.
Confusion? From a computer? That was new. Seemed sketchy. Seemed unrealistic. Seemed like this thing was trying to buy enough time with that confusing sentence to get a full layout of the town and make Jeremy hand deliver SQUIP’s to each and every one of his peers.
Without response Jeremy darted up- running for his closet as fast as he could, reaching for the unopened bottle of Mountain Dew red on the top shelf.
Mistake. This was all a mistake. What the fuck was he doing? He needed to end this before he was walking around like a robo mafia leader once again.
He grabbed the bottle- twisting at the cap, expecting to hear a hiss of carbonation. Instead he was met with nothing and the confusion of the soda being flat- because of course it was idiot, it’s from the 90’s- was just enough time for the reeves look alike to move toward him. The two were now meer inches apart and somehow the projection of the SQUIP in Jeremys room was looming over him. He knew if this thing ever materialized into real life it had to be at least 7 feet tall. The pit in his stomach grew larger which each passing millisecond but he was absolutely frozen, staring up at the other.
“Jeremy” he sighed. “Upon accessing your long term memory I can understand your reaction- however let me assure you the SQUIP database has had some huge overhauls in the last quarter”, the SQUIP smiled with that. “So no robo overlords taking over the world”.
Jeremy sensed some kind of truth in the others voice but was he just sensing what this computer wanted to sense? Because it made it all easier to just go along with the one who was supposed to have all the answers. With that he glanced down- only now remembering he was holding grade A SQUIP killer inches from his mouth. Of course this thing sounded convincing- he was in self preservation mode.
“No Jeremy”, fuck this thing could read his thoughts. “My creators simply acknowledged world domination was a bit much for a little lab in Tokyo and had a change of heart”.
Definitely bullshit.
“Jeremy I’ll prove it to you in any way you’d like- in fact I’ll let you sleep with that bottle in your bed and I give you my word I won’t make you dump it”, the SQUIP added.
Jeremy pondered that for a second. He assumed the SQUIP would have already taken control of his body and made him pour the sticky red liquid all over his room if he was really after world domination.
“Precisely” he chuckled.
“Stop doing that”, Jeremy hissed, finally lowering his arms.
Jeremy figured even if this went horribly wrong he didn’t want to live anymore anyway- so might as well take the chance. It wasn’t like if the SQUIP took control of him he’d really be any more than a witness anyway. He would just simply watch as everyone he ever knew and loved turned into cyborg people and lit fires in the streets. If the whole world burned he couldn’t possibly be to blame right? He made a mental note to come back to that moral dilemma at a less pressing time.
With that thought he screwed the cap back on the drink and moved with it back to his bed, plopping down on the spot he has originally been seated. He was already suicidal and this would be prime evidence for his therapist if there was ever any question of that.
“Any freaky SQUIP the world stuff and a whole crew of high schoolers are after you”, he warned. That probably didn’t sound intimidating. He didn’t care. Jeremy slumped down- bad posture in front of a SQUIP. He almost mustered up enough care in his being to straight up. It was an impulse more than anything but when a shock didn’t come he didn’t bother.
“I won’t be providing any spinal stimulation to you in this state”, the other responded and Jeremy shot him a glare because god damn it he had just told him to knock the thought listening bullshit off.
“I’m here to assist only Jeremy”, the SQUIP moved back to sitting in the desk chair he had previously been occupying.
The projection leaned back and crossed it’s arms. This was unlike any SQUIP encounter he had ever been a part of or heard about. Granted Rich was the only other person who openly talked about his trials and tribulations with the quantum computer but still. This had to be some other worldly shit for a computer to be leveling with him like this.
Jeremy squirmed a little under the gaze of the other. It was for no other reason than being uncomfortable in the idea that this thing was watching him sit in his cave and grovel. His gaze fell down to his hands, picking at his nail beds. They were so raw and red he was sure the months worth of abuse on them was going to leave him permanently disfigured for life. He hoped he never had to explain to anyone ever why they’d gotten like that. He should be on meds for that. And actual prescription meds- not back ally super computers. Jeremy was pulled out of thought when his SQUIP continued his thought.
“Assist in healing from the death of a certain friend yes?”, the SQUIP questioned but Jeremy already knew there was no point in verbalizing an answer to the rhetorical question.
All of it just seemed a little too patronizing to Jeremy. The phantom gaze from the SQUIP projection, the dog hair on his comforter, the throbbing in his index finger on his left hand and he was sure he wasn’t just being sensitive. His emotions were run raw and anything could throw him over the edge at this point.
“His name is Michael”, Jeremy muttered and the thought of someone else speaking his best friends absence into existence made small tears prick at the corners of his eyes. His voice cracked a little on the last syllable of Michael’s name and he hoped it wouldn’t make him look even more pathetic.
“Ah yes, Michale Mell”, the SQUIP trailed off awkwardly- silence filling the room on a late October afternoon.
With that Jeremy nodded and imagined the silence was the best way the computer knew how to give him space. Surely a SQUIP wouldn’t know a thing about human emotions but he was programmed a certain way so that must have been it. He was sure his hormones were all out of whack and he was sure his SQUIP would be subconsciously fixing all those in hopes Jeremy would wake up fine tomorrow as if nothing ever happened.
Maybe then world domination would commence. Until they they’d have to fix this issue.
“We’ll let’s get to work”, he boomed, way to cheerful for the situation. Damn programming.