Work Text:
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. - Gilbert K. Chesterton”
“Seriously?!” Dean pawed at his pillows blindly, not even bothering to wipe the crust out of his eyes, until he grabbed one in his fist and slammed it down over his head. Clutching the pillow with both hands he tried to smother himself well enough to keep out the source of his morning annoyance but the pounding in his head just kept hammering on and on. “Come on!” He groaned into the pillow in agony. Realizing that no amount of pillows were going to help him he kicked off his sheets angrily and stomped out into his living room, wiping his eyes clumsily until he could open them up enough to be met with a painfully sunny reminder of his hangover. He vaguely remembered passing out the night before after a night of partying and possibly too many shots. But hey, it’s not every day your little brother graduates from law school.
He was regretting it now though as the pounding in his head worsened. He climbed up onto his couch, barefoot and clad in nothing but the plaid blue boxers that he fell asleep in, and began pounding on the wall he shared with his neighbor. “Who. The fuck. Plays drums. At ten. In the morning. On a Saturday!” He yelled, accentuating his words with a pound of his fist. His new neighbor, whoever the hell it was, had been waking him up with his early morning drum sessions for the last 2 weeks. Seriously, who even brings a drum set into an apartment? Especially one with paper thin walls? This guy obviously knows nothing about common courtesy.
His neighbor seemed to get the hint, as the drumming slowly quieted down to be replaced by much softer music, probably from a radio. “Finally” Dean grumbled as he climbed off the couch and held his head between his hands for a few moments of peace. Well, he was already awake. Might as well make some nice greasy breakfast of bacon and eggs to chase away his hangover. He opened up his laptop to connect his internet, maybe put on some music of his own to accompany him while he cooked. He clicked the Network icon to look for his router name.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
FBI Surveillance Van
Bill Wi the Science Fi
Bill Wi, that one must be the new neighbor. Another comedian. He already knew Dr. Badass and Skynet were his upstairs neighbors, Ash and Charlie. They were pretty freakin’ nerdy, but seemed kinda cool from the few interactions he had with them, and they were damn good with computers. Charlie was the one who taught him how to set up his router and how to change the name to something fun. He thought it was a silly idea but he went with FBI Surveillance Van, thinking it would be worth it if he freaked some people out with it. Feeling a bit passive aggressive he decided to change his router name, doubting anybody would see it anyway but still smirking at the small sense of gratification he got out of it. He went ahead and typed his password in and went straight to his “mullet rock” Pandora, which is what his little brother Sam called it.Twisted Sister started playing and he felt no shame in singing along to We’re not gonna take it while he danced around his kitchen frying up some bacon and scrambling some eggs.
“Oh yeah, that hit the spot” he moaned appreciatively while flopping on the couch and rubbing at his belly. He pulled out his cell phone and checked the time, groaning at how damn early he was awake on a freaking Saturday. He usually slept way into the afternoon on Saturdays, opting to stay out late at the bar or stay up drinking and watching movies the night before, after a long week working at Bobby’s body shop. His weekend was for relaxing, not waking up at ass o’clock in the morning to some douchebag who couldn’t have just picked up acoustic guitar and play quietly, like Dean used to, rather than the loudest most annoying instrument ever. His cell phone buzzed in his pocket and he jerked in response, realizing he was falling back asleep. He pulled out his phone and smiled at the text from Sam:
Wake up jerk! Jess and I are going to the beach with some of our friends and you’re coming.
Only Sam would be all gung ho about actually doing stuff in the morning after getting wasted enough to twerk in front of the whole bar on a dare the night before.
Yeah yeah bitch ure lucky im actually awake
Ok, we’ll come by to pick you up. Don’t worry, we got you beer to drink through your hangover =)
Dean sat up and smiled. Yeah, Sammy knew him too well. He quickly got dressed, pulling on his swim trunks and a white tank top over his head and grabbing his sunglasses while waiting for the party brigade to show up.
Dean got home that night maybe a little bit sunburned and crazy tired, but it was a good day. They drank beer on the beach, did some swimming, played a little beach volleyball and went out for dinner with some of Sam’s friends. Any time he got to spend with his brother was awesome, since he was always so caught up with school and his girlfriend, who he was getting really serious about.
He flipped on the TV and found a channel that was doing a Back to the Future marathon. Hell yeah, he thought, turning the volume up and sitting back, until he fell asleep sometime during the middle of the third movie.
---------------------------
He woke up the next morning with a cramp in his neck. “Well that’s what I get for falling asleep on the couch” he grumbled, stretching his neck to each side.
He flipped open his laptop to connect his Wi-Fi and did a double take when he realized that not only did he forget to change back his passive aggressive router name, but that his neighbor had decided to reply.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Who plays drums at 10am?
Who blasts their tv until 2am?
Ok, so it wasn’t the most mature thing to do but what the hell, did the guy have to stoop to his level? He rolled his eyes and closed his laptop. “I’ll deal with this later” he muttered. He got up and went to his room to throw on some shorts, a comfy t-shirt and his running shoes. He popped in his headphones and oh yeah he was ready for a nice long jog, his feet hitting the pavement as he sang along:
Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance
Now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive
---------------------------
Clash! Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada
“Aww come on!” Dean groaned, sliding out of bed limply and laying on the floor, defeatedly. ‘Why does this have to happen to me?”
Another Saturday morning being woken up early by the clashing of drums and cymbals. He sighed exasperatedly and stomped his way to the living room, once again pounding on the wall. “Come on man, knock it off!”
The drumming became slightly muffled and Dean realized that all his neighbor was doing was playing the same song, just more softly. Man, it’s not even that he didn't love Zep but if he had to hear Immigrant Song one more time this morning he was going to go crazy.
Clash! Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada, Ba-dun-dun Ba-dada
“Oh my god that’s it!” Dean growled as he grabbed his laptop off the coffee table. The guy wasn't gonna listen to him pounding on the wall and if he went over there and knocked on the door he’d probably kick little drummer boys ass so he pulled up the list of router names and decided to change his again. Maybe this will make him get the hint.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
At least play something other than Immigrant Song!
Who blasts their tv until 2am?
Again, up to early and too annoyed to stay home and listen to his neighbor play the same song 20 times in a row, Dean took a shower and got dressed, deciding to run a few errands he'd been putting off for the last few weeks.
--------------------------
That night he came home to a new router name on his list.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
At least play something other than Immigrant Song!
It’s a classic you ignorant potato
“Ignorant Potato!” Dean exclaimed, once he saw the new name. He couldn't help but laugh loudly at that one, clutching his stomach and curling in on himself on the couch struggling to breathe. “Wooooh! That’s, man this guy is something special… Ha, potato!” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. He had to admit, his neighbor was one weird dude. Well, he decided, he might be an ignorant potato, but he was going to be an ignorant potato that watched his favorite movie with the volume on full blast. “Take that” Dean said to himself as he fell asleep to the sounds of gunfire and explosions.
-----------------------------------
The next day Dean woke up to a loud knock on his door. “I’m coming, I’m coming” Dean grumbled, trudging along in his sweatpants and white undershirt. He opened the door and was immediately attacked by an energetic blonde with a killer bear hug.
"Jo! What are you doing here?” He asked, once he managed to extricate himself from her tight grip.
The petite blonde shoved past him, followed by Jess and his brother. “Game day!” she yelled over her shoulder.
Jess held up a box, and gave him a sheepish smile, “just got a Wii, figured we could break it in over here.” she told him.
He grinned back at her, “Of course, just hope you're all ready to get your butt’s kicked”
Okay so he didn't do too well at Wii bowling, but he kicked ass at Just Dance once he got comfortable enough to just act goofy and go with it. It helped that Jess made Sam do the ridiculous dances with her.
“Dean! Hey!” Jo said, snapping her fingers in his face, “Get off the damn laptop, we’re dancing this one together.”
“Aww come on I’m still winded from that last one!” He cried. She just rolled her eyes and grabbed Jess to dance along with her, a Rihanna song. Glad he passed that one up.
He felt kinda bad for ignoring whoever was dancing when it was his turn to rest, but apparently his douchey next door neighbor had nothing better to do but argue with him all day. He noticed the router name change while he was waiting for Sam to set up the Wii and he was oddly proud of himself for having gotten on his neighbors nerves with his late night movie watching.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Ignorant Potato Wi Fi
How many times are you going to watch Die Hard?
As much as he liked his new router name, he was having too much fun arguing with his stupid neighbor.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
It’s a classic you turnip!
How many times are you going to watch Die Hard?
“Your turn, dork” Jo said, collapsing in a sweaty heap next to him and snatching his laptop away.
He had to admit, this game was a really good workout. His legs were burning by the time he finished his song and he flopped down on the couch next to Jo, snatching the laptop back while Sam and Jess did another song together.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
It’s a classic you turnip!
Turnip?
He smirked to himself. Yeah, he was proud of himself for that one.
“Watcha doing?” Jo asked, looking over at his screen as he changed his name again.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
You started it!
Turnip?
“My douchey neighbor and I have been arguing over our Wi-Fi router names because he’s too chicken shit to come over and tell me he has a problem with me” Dean answered.
“Why. Does. He. Have. A problem. With you.” Sam asked, huffing for breath while trying to execute an overly complicated dance routine that Jess was getting down flawlessly.
“I dunno,” shrugged Dean.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
You started it!
You are an immature imbecile
“I bet it’s that horrible "mullet rock" music you like to listen to” Sam said, laying down on the floor and out of breath after his song ended. “Can we switch to Mario Kart please?” He whined.
“I second that,” Jess called out, pretending to pass out on top of Sam, only to bolt up a second later. “Ewww, you're so sweaty!” This, of course, quickly escalated to Sam chasing her around the apartment, arms outstretched as he tried to trap her in a sweaty hug.
Dean continued his weird passive aggressive conversation with his neighbor.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Well ure an asshat
You are an immature imbecile
“It’s not my music you jerk, he’s actually the one who started it.” Dean said, as they all finally settled down, swapping out the games and handing out controllers.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Well ure an asshat
And YOU’RE an assbutt
“So…… how did he start it.” Jo asked a distracted Dean, who was still grinning at the response he got. “Oh uh… he plays drums.”
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Assbut seriously?
And YOU’RE an assbutt
“Drums?” Asked Sam.
“Yeah he wakes me up early every Saturday playing his loud ass drums and it was getting on my nerves so I called him out on it but uh… I did it through my Wi-Fi router name.” He said, feeling kind of silly now that he had said it out loud. “Look, I didn't want to go over there and I didn't think he would respond and now we’ve kind of been arguing through our router names and uh..yeah I know it sounds dumb” he finished, noticing everyone giving him a patronizing look. “Fine fine!” He said, putting his hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. I’ll let it go, come on let’s play.” He wasn't sure how he was going to top his latest router name change anyway, he thought as he lost himself in the game.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
Skynet Global Defense Network
Assbutt the Ignorant Potato
And YOU’RE an assbutt
A few rounds and several wins later Dean declared himself Mario Kart champion. “Alright Sammy, as the loser I believe it is up to you to buy the beer.” He gloated with a wink.
“Whatever,” Sam grumbled, fishing his keys out of his pocket. He and Jess left for the gas station together, leaving Jo with Dean.
They sat on the couch for a few minutes before Jo punched Dean playfully in the arm and exclaimed, rolling her eyes: “You know you want to check up on your argument."
Dean gave her a mischievous smile and grabbed his laptop. He clicked on the Wi-Fi router list and immediately blushed when he saw that someone else had joined their conversation.
LINKSYS
Dr. Badass Is In
APT 302
OMG WILL YOU 2 JUST F#@K ALREADY?!
Assbutt the Ignorant Potato
EXCUSE ME?
“What did he write, is it funny?!” Jo asked a red faced Dean. He ignored her, shaking his head and typing, continuing to refresh the list as more names changed in response.
LINKSYS
HAHAHAHAHA
APT 302
YES your robot overlords command it!
Did Skynet just tell us to do it?
EXCUSE ME?
“What the hell Charlie” he muttered under his breath with a chuckle. Realizing how ridiculous they had been all day he decided to drop the whole thing, changing his name one last time before slamming the laptop shut. He deflected any conversations about the argument for the rest of the evening.
Before going to bed that night with Star Wars on at normal volume, he checked his router list one more time.
LINKSYS
Turnip for what?!
APT 302
Skynet Global Wingman Network
Assbutt the Ignorant Potato
APT 102
No matter how often he checked over the next several weeks, all the names stayed exactly the same. His neighbor opting for something normal while he and his upstairs neighbors kept their silly souvenirs from the conversations. The only other evidence of their argument was an unspoken mutual peace treaty, with Dean now watching his movies at normal volume and his neighbor not beginning his drumming until late in the afternoon.
---------------------------
Dean rolled out of bed to the sound of drums. He checked his watch and realized it was already 4pm. It felt weird waking up late again after a few weeks of being woken up early, forcing him to be productive. Now it kind of just felt like he wasted half the day. He threw on some sweatpants and headed to the bathroom. Halfway through brushing his teeth he realized that his neighbor had been playing the beat for Welcome to the Jungle. Damn, he was getting pretty good.
Dean searched through his closet until he found it. His acoustic guitar. He made his way to the living room and sat on the couch, seeing if he could remember how to play the song. After tuning his guitar, man it really has been a long time since I played, and some practice, Dean finally got the hang of the song and by the time his neighbor started up the song a second time, Dean was ready to play along with him.
By the third time around Dean was playing along and singing along, albeit off key, with the song.
The next week it was Nirvana.
The week after that it was AC/DC. He may have sang Highway to Hell a little too loudly. But his neighbor continued playing. Every week he seemed to be getting a lot better and even Dean noticed that playing the guitar was something he really missed.
-----------------------------
One week they were in the middle of a hardcore jam session, his neighbor attempting (and somewhat failing) to play Rush, while Dean was just butchering the singing, when he heard a knock on his door.
He held his guitar by the neck and opened the door with his other hand. “Charlie?” He asked, confused by the sudden visit. He hadn't said more than a passing hello to her since that whole Wi-Fi router incident.
“You’re coming with me!” She exclaimed, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him out of his apartment, still in his sweatpants and t-shirt.
“Hey, what!” He yelled, almost dropping his guitar. “Can I at least put my guitar down and lock my door?” He exclaimed.
For a second she just stared, as if she was pondering his question, then replied “Lock the door, keep the guitar.”
He gave her a puzzled look, but just went back inside to grab his keys and his phone and locked the door behind him, guitar still in hand.
“Where are we going?” He asked her, “and why couldn't I at least change?”
Charlie looked at him and scrunched her nose, “yeah actually that would have been a good idea. Oh well, too late now, we’re already here!”
Dean just stared at her with a strange look on his face. “Charlie, we haven't gone anywhere. What are you talking about?”
She smirked at him and grabbed his hand to lead him a few steps away until he was at his neighbors front door. He realized now that the drumming had stopped and it was clear why when Charlie dragged him inside to see a gorgeous guy with dark, messy hair and bright blue eyes still holding a pair of drumsticks, his face etched with confusion.
“Dean this is Cas, Cas this is your neighbor Dean.” Charlie introduced. He had no idea how he had never seen this guy around the neighborhood before. “Umm, hey Cas.” Dean said nervously, giving him a small wave. Cas replied with a nod of his head and a “Hello Dean,” in a rough sounding, deep voice that Dean thought was damn sexy.
“Sup Dean!” He heard from across the room and he realized that he hadn't even noticed Ash sitting on a couch with a laptop in front of him.
“Oh hey Ash. So uh...what’s going on here?”
“Apparently asking Ash to help fix my laptop required your and Charlie’s assistance as well.” Cas replied, narrowing his eyes at them.
Ash threw his hands up in the air, “look you guys were in the middle of some major jamming when I showed up and I figured you could continue, but you know, actually in the same room, while Charlie and I tackle this computer problem.”
Dean caught Cas’s eye and turned away blushing. “Yeah, I was just… messing around” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Well now you guys can mess around in the same room,” Charlie said with a wink. “Just like a certain robotic security system ordered you to.”
“Charlie!” Dean exclaimed, face blushing furiously, the sound of drum sticks hitting the floor at the same time.
“Well this is awkward,” Ash said, looking back and forth between him and Cas. “Well, I think I’m gonna order some pizza, cheese ok with everybody?” He asked the room.
Charlie nodded at him while Cas and Dean just stared. “Cheese it is then,” Ash said, whipping out his cell phone and making the order.
Cas finally got up from his drumming stool and made his way to the kitchen. “Well uh....I guess since I am now playing host, would anybody like a beer?” He noted 3 people raising their hands and dissapeared behind his fridge.
He came out with 4 beers and passed them out to everybody. Their fingertips touched when Cas handed him his beer and he felt his heart skip a beat as a nervous flutter settled itself into his stomach. What the hell is wrong with me? He thought to himself. Yeah the guy was hot but no reason to start acting like a schoolgirl with a crush!
“Well, keep playing!” Charlie demanded with a grin.
“Uh yeah sure,” Dean said, taking a sip of his beer and putting it down so that he could pick up his guitar. Cas sat back at his drums and started off with a simple beat.
dum dum da-da dun-cha-dun dun-cha-dun
He played it through a few time before Dean caught on with a laugh. He joined in on guitar and to all of their amusement started singing along:
Very superstitious, writings on the wall,
Very superstitious, ladders bout' to fall,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin' glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past
When you believe in things that you don't understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition ain't the way
They ended up spending all night playing through all the songs Cas knew, and a few that Dean played on his guitar that they all just joined along in singing.
This turned into a routine, with them all coming over to Cas’s apartment to listen to them jam out while Charlie and Ash played games on their laptops. When Sam, Jess, and Jo joined the group they started doing video game and movie nights as well. Somehow everybody got along really well. They still all teased Cas and Dean for their stupid arguments and if Charlie was bad before, Charlie and Jo were downright devious when it came to pairing up Cas and Dean every time they had to split into teams. It was, of course, their idea to announce a movie night and then make sure nobody showed up to Dean’s apartment except for Cas. They ended up doing a Star Wars marathon anyway but stopped actually paying attention to the movies after they shared their first kiss in the middle of Empire Strikes Back.
---------------
Charlie grinned when she opened up her computer and saw that her neighbors had changed their router names for the first time in months:
We <3 our robot overlords
Thanks Skynet <3
The End