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-October 2013-
Pierre ignored the stabbing feeling in his chest to savour the moment of his first championship win. It had come down to the wire, the last race determining who'd win between him and Oliver as they were neck and neck, but they crashed and despite Pierre only coming in 6th place, Oliver came 28th. He'd done it. He'd won. He'd actually won.
As he left his car, he saw the swarm of his team circling him, congratulations leaving their mouths as he bathed in the praise. He pushed down the feeling that it was a cheap win, that he didn't deserve it like he pushed away the soreness from where he'd collided with his title rival because he knew there was no place for those thoughts, not when he was now the winner of the 2013 Eurocup Formula Renault 2.0 and he knew how many people wished they could say that.
It wasn't until he crashed down onto his bed that the intrusive thoughts swarmed his mind and started to overwhelm him again. All the comments made about how Oliver should've won or how there were much better French drivers on the grid begun to drown him again and before he knew it the room was closing in on him and it was getting harder to breath. Somehow, he managed to speed dial his best friend but couldn't even get a word out when he heard the soft "Bonjour Pierre" echoing out of the phone. Charles immediately knew what was happening and started telling Pierre to follow his instructions. They spent a while breathing in and breathing out and finally Pierre began to feel alive again.
"I don't deserve it." Pierre choked out trying to hold the tears back, not wanting to seem too weak in front of Charles despite having him witness (albeit via a phone call) his panic moments before.
Charles shook his head before facepalming, Pierre couldn't see him. "No Pierre shh. You deserve that win you've driven fantastically this season I promise. Take a breath and focus Pear." He slipped into French, taking the pressure of translation out of the equation and to hopefully ease things for Pierre.
They continued to discuss the season, how the win was due to Pierre not making any mistakes and how it wasn't his fault that Oliver crashed out and eventually, Pierre's mind started to clear of the dark thoughts. He tried to divert the conversation onto Charles' final season in karting but the younger one was adamant they could talk about that when Pierre was better, that this call was for Pierre not him.
The two drivers fell asleep on the call, and both would never admit that they wanted to fall asleep together more often.
-May 2015-
He'd been a Red Bull Junior for just over a year now and despite only being in GP2 he already felt the pressure of being affiliated with a top team. He was on his way to Barcelona to partake in the testing that was happening on the current Red Bull and Toro Rosso cars. All throughout the journey he was fending off the thoughts making him feel as though he was going to ruin this opportunity and he even managed to get to his hotel without panicking which he was impressed by. It was an easy first night, with a couple of meetings to prepare him for the following day and he went to bed feeling rather positive.
It was the following morning when things seemed to go downhill. He woke up feeling like shit with all the positivity from the day before washed away, leaving him terrified and anxious for the day ahead. He couldn't stop at all, his leg bounced quickly as he sat, he was constantly alert and looking around and he just couldn't get comfortable. Pierre had no idea how he'd perform in a car when he couldn't even eat breakfast and that was the straw that pushed him over the edge.
What Pierre thought would be a full-blown panic luckily never amounted to that; it was merely that unnerving bubbling feeling in his gut alerting him that he wasn't okay. But he spent all morning catching himself, reminding himself to breath and to release the tension he was carrying - which was easier said than done Pierre found. It was the STR10 first for Toro Rosso and the younger Dutch driver Max showed him the previous data he'd gathered only to be hustled away by the engineers - this was Pierre's session they said, not Max's. That alone filled him with dread, it cemented the fact it was his time to shine, that all eyes were on him and every single move (in and out of the car) he made was going to be judged by his bosses. Everything was riding on that session.
What if he crashed? What if he was too slow? Could they demote him from their junior programme? What would that mean for his career? All these thoughts fought for Pierre's attention as he tried (and failed) to concentrate to Christian and the engineer who were setting him up. Pierre zoned in on the car and tried to savour that moment - his first time driving a Formula One car, the crème de la crème of motor racing - and before he knew it he was actually on track. It could've been better - he screwed a few corners here and there. Even though Red Bull seemed impressed at how he did, Pierre still felt like it wasn't good enough, that he could've done more.
Charles video called Pierre that evening to find out all about his day and was slightly disappointed to see that his best friend had struggled through it.
"You know you could've messaged me. You didn't have to be alone." Charles reminded Pierre who just nodded. The Frenchman just wanted to be distracted, not a discussion or another debrief of the session, and that's what Charles did. With his silly jokes and tales of his younger brother, Charles unknowingly helped Pierre clear his head enough for him to enjoy the fact he had now driven a Formula One car.
It was the second day of testing and Pierre was due to be driving Red Bull's RB11. He was feeling slightly better in his abilities but was massively feeling the pressure that this was the main car and was slowly starting to get overwhelmed. He had a final check of his phone before putting it away for the day and saw a notification pop of from Charles.
Only one word was written: 'Breathe', it was followed by a red heart emoji and the gesture made the anxious fire mellow into butterflies for the younger boy. He smashed testing that day.
-October 2017-
The first thing he felt that day was the warm familiar feeling of Charles' arms. Pierre was in the paddock preparing himself for the Malaysian grand prix, RedBull had called him to replace Daniil Kyvat in the Toro Rosso and he couldn't quite believe that it would be his first Formula One race. He was never expecting to see his best friend there so when he realized who was embracing him, Pierre held Charles close.
"Calamar. Why are you here?" He exclaimed as they let go only for Charles to explain that he would be driving for Sauber within the first practice session. Both drivers were ecstatic to be alongside each other and with the first practice running smoothly for them both, Pierre was confident that he wouldn't do too badly at his first race.
Second practice was a different story though. With Grosjean having a bad crash Pierre began to overthink things leading to a less than impressive session for himself and an even worse final practice the next day. With hearing murmurs about how everyone thought Charles' was the future of F1 even after only seeing him in one session and there barely being a word said about him Pierre began to doubt his talent and started feeling as though he didn't belong in that seat. Throughout the break between FP3 and qualifying, Pierre made sure to keep to himself. He had a few interviews but, as he wasn't anything special he mainly had a free few hours. Charles tried to reach out to him, sensing something was wrong with the Frenchman, but Pierre even ignored him; not even sparing him a glance as he got ready to get back in the car.
Somehow, Pierre got the car into Q2 and the team congratulated him on a good time resulting in P15. Pierre felt he could've done more, the only thing preventing him from spiralling into self-pity was the fact that his teammate was only a place in front - at least there wasn't a massive gap between them. After the debrief, Pierre quietly made his way back to his hotel room and flopped onto his bed finally letting the emotions out that he had been holding in.
Statistically speaking, Pierre shouldn't have been upset. He had kept up with his teammate, gotten out of Q1 and even did some great laps within the practice session. His team had said he was doing great and even Max had stopped by to congratulate him, saying it was an impressive start for someone who hadn't been expecting to be racing that weekend. But none of that mattered, he couldn't get himself to care about the positives; they all seemed to be fading behind the ever-growing thought of disappointment and fear that was growing every time he stepped onto a racetrack. He knew he couldn't be alone, couldn't bear face the demons by himself, so he contacted Charles.
It wasn't long after the text that Pierre faintly heard the creaking of a door and soon Charles was by his side - not touching him but close enough that his presence was felt. Pierre hadn't noticed how deep he'd gone into his anxiety attack, couldn't feel the tears streaming down his face or notice how shallow his breaths had gotten. He could barely hear the words leaving Charles mouth let alone understand them. Time stood still as he was sat there, but what felt like forever to Pierre seemed like mere seconds to Charles and before he knew what was happening Pierre was on his lap and his trousers were growing damp. Pierre twitched slightly but quickly melted into Charles' touch when the Monegasque started to run his hand through Pierre's hair in an attempt to offer some comfort.
A little while later, Charles felt movement below and then an arm was wrapped around his waist. "I'm sorry. I know you'd love to be in my position, you probably should be. You would've done better than me I'm sure." Pierre managed to splutter out, he voice still dry and cracked from the amount of crying he'd done. Charles told him he was being silly, that Pierre did great and reminded him that if he thought he'd done terrible the only way was up which got him a weak chuckle. Now that Pierre was aware, they moved onto his bed and Pierre held onto Charles as tightly as he could.
"Breathe Pear, I've got you." Charles whispered, before pressing a kiss to Pierre's head.
-Summer 2019-
It was official. Charles was a Ferrari driver and Pierre was a RedBull driver, both over the moon at achieving their dreams. And what made the experience better for them is that they could go through it together, as a couple.
Charles had popped the question over the winter break between seasons and Pierre couldn’t quite believe it, still couldn’t believe that Charles had wanted Pierre as much as Pierre had wanted Charles.
The season so far had had many ups and downs and they’d been there together through everything. Through every crash, spin, podium, and points finish. Granted, it was mainly Pierre congratulating Charles with Charles comforting Pierre, but they had each other’s back. Until they didn’t.
It was the last race before the summer break and whilst Charles was having an amazing weekend, the same couldn’t be said for Pierre. All weekend there’d been rumours about his seat and what might be happening with his place. He’d overheard conversations which suggested Christian, and Marko weren’t pleased with him as a second driver all weekend.
Overall, Hungary wasn’t terrible as a race. Pierre came 6th so it was one of his better races, but Max had finished second and gotten the fastest lap, so he was still underperforming in the team’s eyes. Deep down Pierre had a bad feeling about the second half of the season but Max had patted his back as they left the garage and wished him a good break, but all Pierre could hear was Christian in the background saying he hoped Pierre came back significantly better.
In the first week Pierre was a downer and Charles was trying his best to keep his boyfriend afloat, but it only got worse as time went on. By the end of the second week, Charles couldn’t even get Pierre to leave their bedroom despite the fact it was their 6-month anniversary, the Frenchman feeling as though he couldn’t even face another room in his apartment let alone somewhere public.
Charles had never seen Pierre this bad before, he knew Pierre had anxiety, he’d helped him through enough panic attacks to know that, but Charles didn’t know Pierre could go this deep into a depressive episode and it worried him. He hated seeing Pierre so low especially because it was so different to his usual self. Charles was very concerned and wanted Pierre to go to the doctors although the Frenchman refused. If it was possible, it even got worse after Pierre received a call stating he’d be driving the Toro Rosso car when they returned in a couple of weeks’ time.
Not much changed over the following weeks – Pierre mainly stayed in his room with Charles trying to give him a reason to leave but it never worked. Eventually, Charles and Pyry managed to force Pierre to leave the house in order to continue his work. The first weekend back was a tough one – firstly Pierre was overwhelmed by the press trying to find out about his demotion, but Pierre would just shrug and say it wasn’t down to him. Whenever Charles passed him, the Monegasque gave him a small, reassuring smile and mouthed ‘breathe’ and thankfully that helped keep Pierre going throughout the day.
Unfortunately, that was the best of the weekend. Pierre was shocked, he was confused, and he was hurt at the events. He didn’t want to believe that his best friend was gone – they’d talked so much about being in Formula One together and now it would never happen. How could he go in public knowing he’d never see his best friend again?
Despite wanting to hide away and never be seen again, Pierre was forced onto the track for qualifying (it was awful, he didn’t even get out of Q1) and had to pretend to be happy for Charles who got pole position. Charles was just as distraught at the earlier events and they both went to sleep that night in each other’s arms, tears streaming down their faces.
-September 2020-
A year later and they’re back at Spa. After the last time they were there, Charles had had to persuade Pierre to see a counsellor as he’d completely closed into himself. He would show up for the race weekend but if he wasn’t in the car he would be in his driver’s room staring at the wall. When they were home he’d be silently curled up in bed or sat down in the shower, breathing quick and heavy and tears streaming down his face. Charles tried to help as much as he could – constantly providing a shoulder for Pierre when he needed a hug; providing food when Pierre could stomach it and even providing soft words of encouragement to help Pierre calm down enough to get into the car and race. Charles had lost count of how many time he’d told Pierre to “Breathe, that’s it baby. Follow me, in. And out. That’s it sweetheart, nice deep breaths.” It had become a mantra of sorts, what they’d do whenever Pierre had to get up and do something.
The counsellor had helped a bit – after a few months of seeing her Pierre started to be more relaxed again. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and given medication to help regulate it. Charles helped Pierre realise that the meds weren’t bad and after a few weeks of being stubborn and not taking them, Pierre caved into Charles’ puppy eyes and pouted lips and started to take the two pills a day. It took a couple more months, but they definitely made Pierre better. By the time the 2020 season was due to start, Pierre was up to press conferences and being seen and he didn’t need Charles at all times, so they were both positive about the season ahead.
Overall, this year was better than the last – Pierre felt comfortable in the Alpha Tauri and it was very visible. He was consistently outperforming the car and Charles was so proud of the improvements Pierre had been making. Slowly, but surely, their relationship started to go back to the light and fun dynamic it once was. But then they were back at Spa.
The change happened on the flight from Monaco up to Belgium. As the entered the jet, Pierre was laughing and in good spirits. Although, as soon as they were landing it’s as though it had hit him where they were and what he’d have to face in the coming days. Charles tangled their fingers together and gave Pierre’s hand a gentle squeeze to remind him of his presence.
The weekend could’ve gone worse, on the Thursday Pierre went to a local Florist and brought a beautiful bouquet before heading up to Eau Rouge and placing them at the site. He said a little prayer and spoke to Anthoine which helped calm him down but on the whole, he was very on edge and concerned about the track and all the drivers. Luckily, nothing bad happened – he managed to finish in the top ten and as the race ended he thanked Anthoine for watching over them and keeping them safe.
It was only on the flight back to Monaco, when he was in Charles’ arms did Pierre feel he could let the emotions out. It was the first time in months that Charles had Pierre’s face buried in his shoulder and was telling him to follow his breathing.
-December 2025-
It was a new era of racing, unfortunately some of the legends they’d been racing had finally retired and there were many new rookies on the grid for the 2024 season. Charles was teammates with Mick Schumacher since 2023 and together they were bringing Ferrari back to their glory days and they were nearly unstoppable. Or they would be, if it wasn’t for Lando Norris in the McLaren which, over the last couple of years, had also had a comeback. The three drivers were in a three-way fight for the championship - and it all came down to the final race of the season. Charles lined up in pole position, Lando alongside him and Mick back a row in third. In fourth was George Russell in the Mercedes and in fifth was Pierre who had gone over to McLaren back in 2023 when RedBull swapped him for Daniel Ricciardo. This year really was the return of the classic teams with a title fight between Ferrari and McLaren with Williams up fighting Mercedes to be ‘best of the rest’.
The lights went out and the race started well – Charles kept 1st place, but Pierre was able to overtake George. For a few laps it was more of a processional race than anything else but halfway through Pierre got a radio message telling him to slow down and that the safety car was being deployed. As he passed turn 14 he saw a glimpse of the red Ferrari buried into the barrier.
“Who is it?” He asked trying to stay calm and he was informed that Mick was still on the track confirming his worst fears. The race was red flagged so Pierre headed back to the pit lane and got out of his car going over to Lando first.
“What happened to him?” Pierre was trying to stay calm, trying to remember the breathing exercises he did with Charles, but he could feel the fear and despair rising in him.
“I don’t know. He was a solid second or so ahead of me. It looked like he locked up or something, but the car started smoking and then he was spinning into the barrier.” Lando informed Pierre and just as he stopped talking, a Ferrari engineer came over and informed them both that Charles was out of the car and in the medical centre. Pierre didn’t have to be told twice before he was sprinting across the paddock to be with Charles.
In the medical room, Charles was on the brink of tears. Pain was shooting up his leg and anger was bubbling inside of him – how could he be so stupid to throw away that opportunity? It had all happened so fast, breaking just a bit too late causing a lock up on old tires and then the next thing he knew he’d lost the championship and was in the barrier. Charles thought he was over these stupid mistakes; that he was over making wrong decisions on the track. Tears of anger threatened to stream down his face as he struggled to catch his breath – partially from still being winded but also from the amount of emotion that was about to come out.
Then there was a warmth next to him and arms around his body and Charles didn’t even have to ask who it was. Charles leant back into Pierre’s hold and let the Frenchman provide the much-needed support as he finally broke – all the emotions and pressure of the season spilling out. Pierre’s heart broke at the sight of Charles; whispering supportive words into Charles’ ears and playing with his hair in an attempt to comfort his boyfriend. They stay in that position for a while with Pierre shielding Charles whilst he cried.
“Breathe, baby. Deep breaths for me.” Pierre whispered slowing his breathing down so Charles could copy him. In the back of Pierre’s mind he was thanking Charles for all his help over the years as he was now able to help Charles.