Chapter Text
With golden string
Our universe was clothed in light
Pulling at the seams
Our once barren world now brims with life
That we may fall in love
Every time we open up our eyes
We are as infinite as the world we hold inside
Infinity times infinity times infinity
Let there be light, let there be light
Let me be alright
“Sun” - Sleeping At Last
(prologue)
“Hey! I’m home,” Madi called, as she stepped through the back door. She threw her backpack on the kitchen table and took an apple from the fruit bowl, rolling her shoulders. She couldn’t wait to get rid of her sweaty uniform shirt, and shower, washing away the smell of sticky ice cream after spending the day working at the parlour.
She hesitated before taking a bite. The house was too quiet. The kitchen lights were on, and the sound of the television came from the den, where her foster parent spent most of her time. She heard the muffled noises of Wheel of Fortune—but Mrs. Thompson only watched Jeopardy.
“Mrs. T! Are you here?” she called up the stairs, dropping the apple back on the table. She listened for an answer, but the house remained quiet aside from the audience cheering on tv. Concerned, Madi moved to investigate the den, stepping through the door.
“Hey, are you in he— oh! ” she gasped, hands flying to cover her mouth at the sight before her. Mrs. Thompson was lying on her side in front of her maroon reclining chair, unmoving, hand over her chest. Her eyes were unfocused, yet wide open—unblinking and hauntingly still.
“No, no, no,” Madi whimpered, her lip trembling in shock. She knew she should do something—she had to. But she stood there frozen, unable to remember anything from the First Aid courses Clarke had made her take.
With a shaky hand, she reached for her phone, and dialled three numbers.
(earlier that day)
“Well, well, well,” Diyoza drawled, glancing up as Bellamy entered her office. “Look what the cat dragged in. Finally decided to grace my humble office with your presence again, Blake? It’s a miracle I remember what you look like, it’s been so long.”
Raking a hand through his hair, which was much shorter thanks to a recent haircut, Bellamy shrugged apologetically. “I know, it’s been a few weeks. I’m sorry,” he began. While he felt guilty for missing three weeks worth of therapy appointments, he wouldn’t trade the memories he’d made on those days.
Memories of chasing Julia through the sprinkler in their backyard, teaching her to swim at the lake and ride a bike without training wheels. Of water gun fights with Jasper and Monty during their summer barbeques. The times he and Julia would hear the ice cream truck coming, and run outside in their bare feet to get matching rocket pops, leaving their hands and faces stained red. Memories of fishing on the lake with Miller, hikes with his sister, and sitting outside looking up at the stars with Clarke. His tanned skin, prominent freckles, and muscled arms told a story of summer well spent, a summer Bellamy never thought he’d be able to experience again.
Diyoza cut him off with a wave, and gestured to the armchair in front of the window. “You know, I don’t like being stood up by my clients.”
Bellamy chuckled, moving toward his chair, “I didn’t stand you up. I called, and left messages with your assistant.”
With a small glare, Diyoza picked up her notebook, flipping it open and reading off a page. “So you decided to skip because three weeks ago you were away on a fishing trip, then the next week you went to the beach with Clarke, and, oh, I didn’t write down last week’s excuse.”
“It wasn’t an excuse,” Bellamy said quickly, wondering how he could argue his point. “Clarke’s mom invited us over for a barbecue, and Julia’s been missing her grandmother lately, and—”
“And I understand,” Diyoza interrupted, closing her book with a soft thud. “I get it. You’ve been making the most of your summer, creating memories with your family and friends. And that’s incredible progress Bellamy.”
Raising an eyebrow curiously, Bellamy waited for the other half of his therapist’s sentence. Usually her praise came as a double edged sword, offering him a slight kindness before handing him a lesson or challenge or an explanation of what he did wrong or work to be done.
She smirked at his expression, “I’m serious, Bellamy. Just take a moment to remember who you were, and what your life was like the first time that we met. That was only six months ago, and look how far you’ve come. You are allowed to enjoy life and be proud of the progress you’ve made, and all the healing you’ve achieved.”
Bellamy swallowed, and nodded curtly, unfamiliar with the compliments. “Okay. Thanks, I guess.”
Diyoza’s eyes sparked mischievously in the afternoon sun, reminding him of the familiar expression that crossed Clarke’s face, or Octavia’s before they said something to grind his gears.
“So yes, you’ve made progress. While that’s excellent, it doesn’t mean you’re at the finish line, Blake,” Diyoza reminded him, her words sitting heavier, as if she were chiding a small child. “Healing from what you’ve experienced is going to be a marathon, not a short sprint. You can’t just keep skipping our sessions, okay? I know that right now, it seems like everything’s hunky dory, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and all that nonsense. But that won’t last forever.”
Diyoza continued her warning, “Look, I hate to be a downer, when you’ve clearly been having the best summer of your life, but things are going to get hard again. I’m not being mean, I’m just being realistic. The world isn’t fair, and life isn’t easy. And sure, I doubt you’ll experience anything worse than what you’ve already lived through these last few years, but don’t be naive and think there won’t be any challenges.”
Bellamy exhaled, processing her words. “Okay, life sucks sometimes, what else is new. Your point?”
“Ugh, such sass today. You’re worse than my six-year-old,” Diyoza groaned, rolling her eyes. But then she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she pressed her fingertips together. “My point, dumbass, is stop. Skipping. Our. Sessions .” She clapped her hands together as she spoke, accentuating the last few words.
“I said I was sorry,” he offered his half-hearted apology with a shrug, leaning back in his chair. But in his heart, Bellamy knew he’d never regret skipping a therapy session to spend an afternoon at the beach with Clarke and Julia building sandcastles and jumping through the waves. And while the office armchair was more comfortable than a rickety canoe seat, Bellamy would never trade it for the day he spent at the lake fishing with Miller, catching up on the years they’d missed. “I’ll try to do better.”
“You better, I’ll hold you to it.” Diyoza leaned back in her chair, returning to her familiar pose of one knee crossed over the other.
Bellamy sighed, and stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.
“I’m not going to spend this whole session berating you, don’t worry,” she grinned. “But I do want you to understand why I’m pushing you like this. Sure, this summer has been great, and on the very few occasions I’ve actually seen you, you’ve told me about it. That’s awesome. But we still have lots of work to do. Your brain is healing from the initial trauma, and it no longer needs to be in survival mode all the time. Now that your brain feels safe and secure, it’s going to want to start healing the deep scars, the hurts you’ve tried to bury, and the memories you’ve repressed. These are all things that your brain puts on the back burner, so to speak, in order to survive, but they didn’t disappear. My point is that we need to take these moments of you feeling okay and begin working on strategies to deal with the bad shit before it comes back up again.”
He sighed. Bellamy hated to admit it, but she was probably right.
“Tell me,” Diyoza asked, after a slight pause. “Have you had any more nightmares lately?”
Biting his lip, Bellamy sank against the back of his chair. He crossed his arms nonchalantly, and his fingernails bit into the soft skin of his upper arm.
“No,” he lied, regretting his honesty in the last session where he had admitted to a few infrequent nightmares. It was only a little white lie. It wouldn’t hurt him or Diyoza. But it would keep her from asking a million more questions, which in turn would mean he could leave his session sooner.
“Hmm.” Diyoza watched him carefully for a long second, before jotting something down in her notepad. Whatever it was, it likely couldn’t be good. Probably more complaints about how he wasn’t taking his therapy sessions as seriously as he should.
Bellamy pinched the skin on his arm again, desperate for this conversation to end. He had been so close to skipping today’s session again today, after Lincoln had invited him over to help paint the baby’s nursery. But Clarke had intercepted him at the door, reminding him of his scheduled appointment, insisting it was non-negotiable after missing the last few weeks.
All he wanted to do was leave Diyoza’s office, and drive home. All he wanted was to be at home and spend a little bit more time with Julia, before dropping her off with his sister so he could take Clarke out on a date night. Glancing at the clock, he realized he still had most of the hour to suffer through, and he sighed.
Diyoza looked up from her notes at the noise, and tapped her pen a few times. She proceeded to ask him no less than a hundred more questions about his mental health and well-being. Bellamy answered half-heartedly as he watched the hands on the clock move by slowly.
In theory, he understood why he needed to be here, but in the moment, his therapy sessions were beginning to cause more anxiety than relief. It was supposed to be the other way around, to help him feel better, not worse, about his life. Which was why Bellamy no longer enjoyed his sessions with Diyoza, and why he’d much rather give them up, and sweep all of his problems away. Ignorance was bliss, so they would say. Right?
He’d spent so many years kept prisoner away from his family. All he wanted to do was go back home to them now. All he wanted was to take his beautiful girlfriend out for a surprise date to his favourite place.
“Where are we going?” Clarke asked, looking out the truck window as the scenery flew by, scanning for clues.
In the driver’s seat, Bellamy chuckled. His right hand moved from the steering wheel to rest on her thigh, just above her knee.
“It’s a surprise,” he teased, his thumb rubbing softly against her skin. “You can guess, but I’m not telling you.”
Clarke shifted in her seat to look at him, with a raised eyebrow. Without saying a word, she let him know that while she was intrigued, she also hated the not-knowing part of surprises. Which was precisely why Bellamy took such pleasure in arranging them for her.
Bellamy turned up the volume on the radio, and they sped along the street, following the road out of Arkadia’s city centre, toward the countryside. The windows were open, letting in the sweet end of summer breeze that sent Clarke’s hair flying in every direction. While she may have been tempted to tame her locks in the past, Clarke smiled widely, enjoying the sensation of the wind and sun on her skin.
She couldn’t believe that summer was nearly over. The long days of sunshine had flown by all too quickly, as Bellamy and Julia had enjoyed their first summer together. Unfortunately, Clarke had spent so many of the summer days at work, having used up most of her vacation time in the weeks following Bellamy’s rescue. And when the chance to become the hospital's next Attending General Surgeon arose, she began signing up for extra hours, hoping to show that she was a serious contender for the prestigious position.
But whenever Clarke had a day off work, they tried to have as many family adventures as possible. They made countless s’mores over the fire, camped under the stars, and built forts in the living room on rainy days. They built sandcastles at the beach, and spent so much time out in the sunshine, that Julia’s skin became almost as tanned and freckled as her father’s. Madi even joined them whenever she had a day off work—the soon to be high school senior was scooping ice cream this summer, as Bellamy’s return had cut down on the teen’s regular babysitting gig. And Bellamy taught Julia to ride a bicycle with no training wheels, the gift she had received for her fourth birthday in May—a crowning achievement for their daughter.
And on the many days when Clarke was stuck at work, Bellamy filled her phone with pictures. He sent selfies of him and Julia, eating messy ice cream when they visited Madi at work, of Julia wearing his too-large baseball caps, and riding her bicycle to the park. Clarke knew Bellamy sent the pictures to share the special moments with her, but sometimes she couldn’t help but feel jealous that she had to work while he spent the days with Julia. But that small doubt of jealousy was quickly pushed aside when Clarke remembered how much of Julia’s life Bellamy had missed. She would easily take a camera roll full of happy summer memories she wasn’t in, if Julia could spend those days with her father.
In all honesty, it was the best summer of Clarke’s life—even better than the first summer she had spent with Bellamy years ago, when they’d first hooked up—because now they didn’t have an expiry date. There were no secrets this summer, no hidden feelings, and most importantly, no broken hearts.
Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the man sitting next to her. The man she loved with her whole heart.
It had been a little over four months since they had finally confessed their true feelings, and found the courage to love and be loved by one another. And it had been four months of bliss.
Bellamy flicked the turn signal, and the truck veered right after a stop sign, pulling Clarke from her thoughts, as she began to recognize the route.
“Wait, this is Green’s Road,” she said hesitantly, leaning forward in her seat as she looked out over the dashboard. “But the only place down here is the river.” Her voice quivered on the last word, as memories of their last visit to the river flooded her mind.
Bellamy nodded once to confirm, and said softly, “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
Clarke fought the urge to ask more questions, and stayed quiet. She had faith in him.
Without any further explanation he followed the road to their destination, parking the truck in the same place they had stopped countless times that summer five years ago.
The engine clicked off, and Clarke was hit with a sickening sense of deja vu. The last time she had been here, parked at the river with Bellamy, he had left her heartbroken and furious. They had screamed at one another, spewing words of hurt and anger, and finally left in silence, neither one knowing the pain that lay ahead.
It was a vast contrast to how she felt about him now, five years and many tears later.
Bellamy unbuckled his seat belt, and reached out to squeeze her hand. “Do you trust me?”
“Always,” Clarke answered, half curious, and half terrified of her own memories.
Hopping out of the truck, Bellamy quickly crossed to the passenger door, opening it and helping Clarke out. He kissed her forehead sweetly, before opening the door to the backseat, and pulling out a small cooler bag and an armful of blankets.
After spreading the blankets out in the truck bed, Bellamy helped Clarke up, and they sat side by side facing the river, as the sky began to paint brilliant streaks of gold and orange as the evening sun lowered on the horizon. Sunsets were her favourite time of day. But of course Bellamy knew that.
Clarke leaned her head against Bellamy’s shoulder and interlaced their hands. “I trust you, Bell, but what are we doing here?”
“It’s date night,” Bellamy said quickly, with a joking lilt in his voice. But he sobered seeing Clarke’s wary expression.
He ran a hand through his hair. “This was always one of my favourite spots in Arkadia,” Bellamy said, by way of explanation. “And I know the last time we were here together, things, well… I was an ass, and really, I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
Bellamy looked down at her when Clarke squeezed his arm. “Bell, stop saying you don’t deserve things. You do.”
“You’re right,” Bellamy agreed, exhaling again. “I want to make a new memory here, a happier one. So that we can come back without it feeling weird. I know it’s hard for you right now, but when I was…gone,” he said after a pause, “The memories I have here with you were my favourites to remember. They got me through the worst of the bad days.”
Clarke leaned her forehead against his shoulder and hugged his bicep, needing to be close to him. “Okay,” she said softly, her lips brushing the skin below the hem of his t-shirt. “Let’s make new happy memories here. What did you have in mind?”
Looping his arm around her shoulder, Bellamy pulled her tight against him. Tilting her chin up, he kissed her. “This,” he answered with another quick kiss on her lips, “For starters. And a picnic watching the sunset.”
Melting into his embrace, Clarke kissed him again. “Sounds perfect,” she whispered against his lips, making no effort to leave his arms or unzip the cooler bag that held their picnic dinner.
…
An hour later, the sun had set and the night sky was dotted with brilliant stars. The constellations were a familiar sight from the nights they spent sitting on the front porch or around the campfire in the backyard. Clarke sat between Bellamy’s legs, leaning back against his chest while his arms wrapped around her, keeping her warm in the cool evening chill.
She sighed happily, and felt Bellamy press a kiss to the top of her head. It was clear they had achieved their new happy memory. And since Julia was staying the night with Octavia and Lincoln, they still had time to make a few more memories.
In the moonlight, Clarke traced soft lines over Bellamy’s muscular arms. He nuzzled her neck, placing a gentle kiss under her jaw. Though the kiss was innocent in nature, it still sent a shiver down her spine. Shifting against him, Clarke turned just enough to meet his lips for a proper kiss.
“I’ve missed you,” Clarke whispered against his lips.
Chuckling, Bellamy threaded his fingers through her hair. “You see me all the time.”
Shaking her head slightly, she slipped her hands under his shirt, spanning her palms up and over his muscular chest. “I mean, I miss time like this with you. I love having Julia around, but it feels like lately we never spend enough time just you and me.”
Pressing a kiss to her temple, Bellamy agreed. “That’s true, I guess. I love her, but it’s exhausting parenting a four year old. Jules never stops running, she’s always go, go, go. That’s probably why we’ve been falling into bed, too tired for anything else.”
Resting her head on his shoulder, Clarke giggled, remembering how they’d spent the better half of their morning playing hide and go seek tag with Julia in the backyard—and how winded she’d felt after chasing her daughter in circles. Luckily, Bellamy’s natural athleticism allowed him to chase after Julia until their daughter wore herself out.
“You know, the last time we were here, I was already pregnant with Julia,” Clarke mused, looking up at him.
Bellamy chuckled beside her, “We had no idea what we were getting into, did we?”
Clarke shook her head. “No,” and after a small pause she added, “But I wouldn’t change it for the world, having her.”
“Me, neither,” he agreed. His palm skimmed the length of her arm, raising goosebumps with his touch.
“Are you tired now?” Clarke kissed the underside of his jaw and felt him shiver with excitement.
His large hands swept up her thigh, trailing a path along the skin under her dress. “I’ve never been more awake, love,” Bellamy answered, stealing her lips for another kiss.
Captured in the moment, Clarke leaned into his touch. Excitement flared through her veins as she savoured this alone time with Bellamy.
Spinning around in his arms, Clarke sat on Bellamy’s lap, her knees straddling his legs, anchoring her hands on his strong shoulders.
Her sundress strap slipped down her shoulder, hanging loose against her arm, and the skirt of her dress was bunched up against her waist. His hands kept moving, exploring and tracing every inch of her skin that he uncovered.
It was peaceful, the stars their only company on the summer evening, orchestrated by the river and the rustling trees.
Until the sound of Clarke’s ringtone blaring burst through the air, and pulled them back to reality.
Bellamy groaned softly, resting his forehead against Clarke’s collarbone.
With a quick kiss to his temple, Clarke untangled herself from his arms, pulling her dress back onto her shoulders. “I need to check, it could be—”
“It could be O, about Julia. I know.” Bellamy finished her thought, watching her climb down from the truck with dark eyes.
“It’s probably nothing,” Clarke said, opening the passenger door to find her phone in her purse.
She felt her stomach drop sharply when she saw Madi’s name flash across the screen. Madi never called, unless something was wrong with Julia, as Madi preferred to text whenever possible.
Clarke quickly answered, “Madi? Are you okay?”
A sob echoed through the line, “Clarke?”
“Madi? Madi, what’s wrong? Where are you?” Clarke questioned. She looked up and shared a worried look with Bellamy. He quickly hopped off the back of the truck, and began to put their things back in the truck. It was a sixth sense they’d developed, being parents, instinctively knowing something was wrong, and dropping everything immediately to rush to Julia’s aid—and now Madi too.
“Clarke, I’m at home, but…” Madi began to explain, trying to talk through her tears. “I don’t—She’s gone...”
“Madi, I’m here, keep talking. Bellamy and I are on our way over now, okay? We’re coming to help,” Clarke replied, trying to keep her voice steady, even though her hands were beginning to shake with nerves and fear. “Who’s gone?”
Bellamy climbed into the driver’s seat and started the truck, and Clarke jumped up into her seat too. As soon as the door shut behind her, Bellamy began to drive, even before Clarke could fasten her seat belt.
Putting the phone on speaker, all they could hear were muffled voices on the line, along with the quiet sounds of Madi crying.
“Mads, we’ll be there in about ten minutes, okay? Can you hang in there?”
Madi sniffled, “Okay. Hurry. It’s Mrs. T. I—I came home from work, and found her—in the den—she’s dead.”
Clarke whipped her gaze to Bellamy’s and found he wore a matching face of surprise and shock.
“I called 911, but… They’re coming, Clarke, the social workers. To take me away. Tonight,” Madi added, her voice full of sorrow and shock.
“Madi, just hang on, okay?” Clarke tried to reassure her. “We’ll be there in eight minutes. Don’t go anywhere until we’re there. We’ll talk to someone. We’ll figure something out.”
Bellamy nodded, silently sharing his agreement to Clarke’s words. After he pulled back on the main road, he reached out to squeeze Clarke’s hand as they drove.
“Hang in there, Mads. We’re coming for you,” Clarke assured, keeping her voice as steady as she could despite the aching in her chest. Madi was… well, Clarke wasn’t quite sure what to call her anymore. Madi was more than a babysitter, more than a dog walker.
Madi was a permanent part of their life. Some days she felt like the younger sister Clarke never had. Other days Madi felt like Clarke’s own daughter. No matter the label on their relationship, Madi was family. And right now, Madi needed a mama bear to fight for her.
Madi was family. And they had to do anything possible to help her and keep her safe.