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Tony took a sip of his cold coffee and grimaced, dropping the mug to the table and shoving it away in disgust.
‘Any progress, FRIDAY?’ he asked, swiveling around in his chair, trying to peer across his lab to see if there was any more coffee brewed, or if he’d need to get up and make more.
‘Not since you asked me ten minutes ago, no boss. Increasing the power of the repulsors in the boots of the suit needs careful calibration. Shall we take another look at the footage recorded from your first initial tests of the Iron Man suit?’
‘No thank you. You’re getting way too much pleasure out of that,’ Tony grumbled, snatching the Rubik’s cube from his desk and putting his feet up as he twisted it idly.
Is this what I’ve been reduced to? Making microscopic changes to a super suit that already defeated the greatest threat we’ve ever seen?
‘I’m going to be a while, boss. Why don’t you get out of the lab for a bit?’
‘And do what?’ Tony asked, closing his eyes as he threw the Rubik’s cube back on the desk, slumping in his chair. He hadn’t thought about what would come after Thanos, after his life had been spared when the final battle had been won. Tony had believed he’d continue his life with Pepper, his team, but fate had twisted her hand, and nothing was as he’d envisioned.
Pepper was with Happy, a union he was happy about, giving his blessing to them both, but he still felt reality cruelly biting at him every time he saw them together. His team had disbanded, Steve God knows where, Nat gone, Clint retired, even Bruce wasn’t the same, and all he had these days to keep him company were memories and regrets.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d hugged another human being, his only warmth coming from his own arms wrapping around himself.
Peter was still a fixture in his life, and if it wasn’t for that kid, Tony knew he would’ve done something reckless by now. Even he had his own life to live, finding his footing in the world, his balance between being a superhero and his civilian life, and he needed Tony less as the years went.
Folding his arms over his chest, Tony opened his eyes, glaring at the chrome panels of the ceiling, the light of his holograms reflecting across it.
Maybe it would’ve been better if Strange hadn’t saved him at the Battle of Earth. He should’ve gone out in a blaze of glory rather than fading away like this, melting away like paper in the rain, dissolving piece by piece until there was nothing recognizable left.
The melancholy thought tugged at him, burrowing its way into his brain and leaving its poison in its wake, destroying Tony in tiny agonizing pieces of loneliness. He tried to steer his mind away from those negative thought patterns, focusing instead on the wizard who had saved him, but that brought its own pain.
‘You want to go out for a drink sometime, Strange?’
‘Tony…I’m flattered…but I can’t. You know what the rules are regarding Master of the Mystic Arts and involving others, and I’m bending them as it is working with you-’
‘It’s fine, Doc, just thought I’d ask.’
A little squirm of embarrassment made him sit up straight in his chair. He’d been able to brush aside the rejection and remain friends with the wizard, they still tore strips out of each other’s hide with their sarcasm, still called on the other if they needed help in a battle, and Strange still saw Peter on a regular basis.
But Tony had seen the way his expression had softened when he spoke about Christine, the faraway look he got in his eyes when he looked out the window towards the city, the way he’d cut whatever he was doing short when she called.
It wasn’t fair for him to pin everything on Strange, if he loved someone else that Tony needed to be content with friendship, but he couldn’t help but wish for more, wondering what his life would be like if he was dating someone like Stephen Strange. That man could keep up with him intellectually, understood what it meant to be a hero, described worlds to Tony that he could only marvel at.
It was an indescribable type of agony, loving someone who didn’t love you.
A flash of orange in the lab made him panic, scrambling up from his chair as he recognized the figure stepping through the portal.
‘Strange? We didn’t have anything scheduled, did we? We talked about this, no using magic in my lab when…what happened to you?’
The man looked ill, a sickly color to his complexion, obsidian slick lips and shadows around his eyes so dark it looked like war paint.
‘I’ve found you. I’ve finally found you,’ Strange rasped, his eyes wide as he took a step forward, the tips of his fingers that were stained black reaching towards him.
‘You’re…you’re not him, are you?’ Tony asked, taking a step forward, hand on his arc reactor.
‘I’m Stephen Strange, just as much as the man who lives in this timeline is.’ He noticed where Tony’s hand was and he stopped advancing, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm, his eyes shimmering with tears.
He had no scars.
‘FRIDAY, call Strange,’ Tony demanded, planting his feet as he stared at the stranger. Even his Cloak was menacing, all sharp points and ominous, like a vampire bat or something.
‘Remember when I said I was busy? That you should only contact the Sanctum if it was-’
‘An emergency, yeah I know, Doc,’ Tony interrupted Strange’s voice filling his lab, the Strange he knew, whose mellow baritone he could pick out from a crowd. ‘But I think standing opposite your goth doppelganger with the twisted evil Cloak is reason enough,’ Tony shouted as he took a few steps backwards, stumbling over the boxes littering the floor of his lab, unable to break free of the stare from the evil apparition
‘Tony, I promise you, I’m not going to hurt you,’ the imposter begged. Tony could hear the pleading in his voice, and he stopped, wanting to believe him, but he’d been tricked and betrayed too many times to believe him, even if he wore the face of the man he’d come to love.
‘Stark!’ The voice made them both turn, Strange’s skin still glowing from the magic he’d used to make his portal, his gaze concerned as it flittered between them both.
‘Stephen,’ evil Strange greeted. ‘Do not be frightened, either of you, we are one and the same.’
‘What happened to you?’ Strange asked, edging around the lab so he could stand beside Tony, his hand reaching out to him even as he kept his gaze on the newcomer.
Tony reached out to tap his trembling hand, reassuring him that he was alright and uninjured. It was something they had always done in battle since Thanos, communicated this way, small touches and fleeting glances, confirming to the other that they were safe.
‘You’ve been corrupted by power,’ Strange told him. ‘Mordo warned me about this, the bill always comes due. What did you do, why would you possibly choose this outcome?’
Tony didn’t understand what Strange was asking, but he was fascinated by this new, villain aspect of him, the way he watched him with an ache Tony recognized, a desperate, fervent want.
‘It was…this is all for Tony. The others who warned me against this, they didn’t know him, we knew him, we loved him-’
‘I don’t love Tony,’ Strange interrupted, his shoulders rising in a wince as he looked behind him at Tony, who felt like he’d been gutted and left to bleed out, struggling to breathe as everything drained away from him.
He’d known, he’d always known, but that didn’t make the grief bearable.
‘Don’t you dare lie to me! I am you, there is no conceivable timeline or universe where we don’t love Tony!’
Flames engulfed his body then, the twisted shadows of otherworldly creatures writhing behind him, their inhuman shrieks making them both take a step back, fear making the hair prickle across their skin. This was a savage creature, birthed from heartbreak and grief, blinded to anything but his quest.
A deadly form of love.
The despair on evil Strange’s face called to him despite his horror, a lonely call of anguish that he found himself responding to.
‘Stephen,’ he found himself saying, unable to stop himself reaching out, trying to comfort this pitiful man, a grotesque parody of someone he loved.
‘Stark, get away from him, he’s dangerous! He’s not thinking about you, this is an overload of power, a weak man drunk on-’
‘Shut up! I had the courage to do what others would not! I spent centuries absorbing others, sacrificed everything for Tony!’
‘And even after all of that… could you save him?’
Strange’s voice had a threat of melancholy weaved through it, an understanding, even as mandalas formed over his hands.
‘No, Stephen, we can! We can save him in this timeline! He survived in his timeline, he won’t be taken from us. Please, I promised him I would always be there for him, that we would always be together, and I failed…help me, please!’
‘This isn’t the way. I’m sorry for your loss, I honestly am, but meddling with time and events only leads to more pain and destruction, doing this endangers the world, the timelines!’
Timelines? There are more realities out there? Tony felt his lips part at this realization, the endless possibilities of what this could mean. Were there worlds out there where Thanos hadn’t been defeated? Worlds where he had, and Tony still had his team? A world where he and Stephen…
Tony looked up, meeting the gaze of the Stephen Strange another aspect of himself had loved, a Stephen Strange who had loved him in return and had been willing to rip apart the very fabric of the universe to find him again.
‘You loved…me?’ Tony asked, crashing onto one knee, unable to comprehend this. It wasn’t fair. Why had Stephen loved him in that timeline and not this one?
‘Don’t listen to him, Stark, he can’t care for anyone. I know what it’s like to be tempted by power, but nothing is worth the destruction you’ll create through this, the repercussions you’ll bring!’
‘If you won’t help me then I’ll take him from you!’
Tony surged upwards as the two Strange’s launched themselves at each other, but he was brushed aside by magic crackling with darkness, flung across the floor of his lab to land in a heap at the far end. Sitting up, Tony coughed painfully, hands going to his head as his armor formed around him, ready to leap into action.
There was nothing there. No powerful beings fighting to the death in his lab, no explosions, nothing.
‘Strange? FRIDAY! What happened?’
‘I don’t know, boss! Suddenly they were both gone, and my sensors can’t pick them up anywhere.’
‘Anywhere in the lab?’ Tony shouted, frantic as he spun in a circle, trying to figure out what to do.
‘No. Anywhere on the planet.’
‘Mirror Dimension. Was that…goth looking Strange who he said he was?’
‘My scans showed that he is Stephen Strange, but his DNA had been tampered with in some way, threads added to it, almost mutated like Peter’s is.’
‘Extra abilities?’
‘I don’t know, I would need to-’ she stopped as Strange reappeared in his lab, his robes smoking and a nasty gash on his cheekbone, but it was his Strange, clad in his technicolor dream coat of robes and non-threatening Cloak.
‘What happened, are you alright?’
‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…I…he’s gone,’ Strange said, struggling to get to his feet. Tony rushed forward to help him up, his armor melting away as he crouched on the floor, picking him up and holding him steady.
‘Did you know you could do that? Travel to other timelines?’
‘I’ve never done it before, but I was aware of the possibility yes. It’s not something I’ve attempted,’ Strange tried to laugh, leaning heavily on him.
It was wrong of him, but Tony couldn’t stop the pang of grief, the sting of tears as he set Strange down in his chair, hiding his face from the man. He startled as a hand clasped the side of his neck, sure and steady, grounding him.
‘I’m just glad you’re okay, Tony…you’re…you’re upset, over him?’
‘What? No, I’m okay, I’m always okay, it’s just another Tuesday. A mirror universe boyfriend that I didn’t know I had,’ Tony told him with a smile, patting his hand and getting up off the floor. ‘FRIDAY? Where’s the first aid kit?’ He made a small noise of exclamation as DUM-E rolled it over, striding over towards it, needing to be away from Strange.
The one version of Stephen Strange who loved him was gone. He hadn’t even had time to process the meaning of it, what it meant for him, before the possibility was snatched away.
‘I’m sorry you had to see that. He lost his heart, in another lifetime, in a world far from ours. He lost the most important thing to him, and it drove him to madness.’
‘I can imagine what that feels like, it’s like living a nightmare you can never wake up from,’ Tony agreed, prying the first aid kit out of DUM-E’s claw. In a way, it was sort of similar to what he was feeling now, watching a version of Stephen Strange announce he loved him and willing to fight for him, and now being left a version of the man who still didn’t love him.
Who never would.
‘Don’t you think this could’ve all been avoided if you’d just taken me up on that date I’d asked you on ages back? Man, I don’t think I’ve ever been turned down so fast.’ He knew the joke was inappropriate, but his mind was reeling from the complications of what had just happened, how one of the most powerful beings in the known universe had ripped apart space and time to find a timeline he was still alive in.
Tony wasn’t sure if it was romantic or not, but there was no denying the powerful declaration of love, the way he’d been moved.
‘I was an idiot.’
The words were spoken right behind him as a hand rested on his lower back.
‘Say what now? Strange, go sit down before you fall down. I’m bringing the first aid kit over so you can bark at me about how I’m treating you wrong.’
‘I shouldn’t have turned you down. I don’t know what my reasons were exactly, probably entangled with some rules and obligations given to me by the Sanctum about how the Masters of the Mystic Arts and the Avengers shouldn’t mix…you know how they get,’ Strange whispered, turning Tony around to face him.
It was a flash, a mere heartbeat of a moment, but looking into his eyes, Tony swore he could see a reflection of the darkness tainting the skin around his beautiful blue eyes, the same manic grin pulling at the corners of his mouth before it was gone again, a figment of his imagination.
‘What are you trying to say, asshole?’ Tony challenged, not wanting to be destroyed by foolish hope.
‘That you can’t look at a mirror image of yourself and not be affected by it. He…that version of myself was willing to destroy everything, to lose the moral stipulations he held so dear for the slightest chance he would find you again,’ Strange whispered, clutching him.
‘That doesn’t matter, Strange, I’m sure there’s a version of you out there that can’t stand me, hell, you’ve probably thrown me into one of your dimensions yourself because I annoyed you,’ Tony laughed it off.
‘Tony, I know this is going to sound odd and you can say no, but I…I don’t know if what the other Stephen felt is affecting me in some way, the pain he was carrying, the despair, but can I…’
‘You want a hug, Doc?’
Giving a watery laugh, Stephen nodded from where he was looking down at his feet. ‘I didn’t want to complicate things between us, didn’t want to lose our friendship. I’ve never been in a relationship before where I’ve felt love, admiration, respect. I always saw people as beneath me, everyone except for you.’ Tony could feel the way Strange’s exhale grew ragged as he held him close, tears seeping through his hair to drip on his scalp. He ignored it, tightening his hold across Strange’s back and inhaling the scent of the man he’d grown to love.
He'd forgotten this feeling, how amazing it felt to hold someone you loved.
‘I’m sorry, Tony. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t care about you, I do, more than I can ever put into words.’
Reaching up to take Strange’s hand in his, Tony squeezed once, feeling something inside him crumble as he thought about what he should do next. There was a noise surrounding Strange, a voracious whispering, a plea for help, but it was easy to tune it out, to look into his eyes.
‘You want to try this again, say yes to that date this time?’ he teased.
‘Anywhere you want to go, anything you want to do,’ Strange swore.
‘The man you just fought…he isn’t coming back, is he?’
‘No, there isn’t any way for him to come back. He can’t hurt you again. I won’t let anything hurt you again.’ There it was again, the same shadow flitting over Strange’s face for the tiniest moment. Tony could see it then, a mirage growing from Strange’s shadow on the floor, an apparition of a wing, a tentacle, the jagged leg of an insect.
‘Are you going to hurt me?’ Tony asked, hating the raw way his voice came out.
‘No,’ Strange swore, holding him tighter, directing his gaze away from the floor with a gentle hand on his jaw.
‘Want to order takeout and watch a bad movie?’ Tony smiled, reaching up to rest his hand over the one on his face, thumb stroking across the smooth skin on the back of Strange’s hand. Eyes widening in dismay, Strange looked down at his unblemished hands, the steadiness of his grip.
‘Tony…I…’
‘I mean, we can do something else if you want, but I’ll let you pick the movie,’ Tony encouraged, increasing the strength of his touch on Stephen’s hand, ignoring the way they didn’t feel quite right.
Strange’s gaze bored into his, tears filling his eyes as he nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he struggled to hold back his sob.
‘Sounds perfect to me.’
The End
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