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Home wasn't at all what it used to be, but the small family of three had expected nothing less when retuning to New York as they all settled back into the mundane lifestyle they'd lived by during Clary's childhood, only now without the weight of secrecy rearing its ugly head. And for a change, things actually seemed right in the world. Amidst the ashes of what used to be, good and bad, there was hope for something better.
And amidst the rumble, there was a kiss. Many, at that. This was the start of a new beginning for Luke and Jocelyn, and for as long as they'd waited and as much as they loved each other, there were nuances to this new branch of their relationship that they were just now discovering and getting used to.
Chastity had been crucial in the first few weeks. Luke had brought it up, needing time to adjust, especially since Jocelyn and Clary had moved in with him. He wanted a slow pace to things, to have time to treat Jocelyn right and take her on dates, no pressure to be too intimate too quickly. Jocelyn easily agreed, already overwhelmed – albeit delightfully – with the fact that they were really doing this, together at long last.
Of course they both wanted each other, that was obvious on both parts as the days went on. While Luke was manning the bookstore, Jocelyn would more often than not find him to simply keep him company. While in passing, Luke might wrap an arm around her shoulders and steal a quick kiss or two. Clary pretended to be grossed out by their casual affection, but both adults knew just how much it relieved her to even be able to make fun of them in the first place. It was easy to tell how happy she was for them, and both Luke and Jocelyn couldn't be happier knowing that their little girl had always approved of them; had always wanted this to happen. Even when they were too stubborn to act on their feelings, she'd known just how perfect it would be.
No, neither of them were perfect, both bruised and battered from what life had thrown at them and from the choices they've made, but together they seemed to fill in every hole in the other's heart. With every kiss, every gentle touch, they were rebuilding something that felt more and more like home then either had ever imagined possible.
So of course the chastity didn't last long.
They'd spent two weeks like that, living together, adjusting to a new routine and not letting their kissing go far enough to require a room. Luke had been sleeping on the couch while Jocelyn occupied his room, per his request, until one night when neither could sleep.
Luke had woken up from another nightmare. There were dreams he often had of past horrors, bloodshed and betrayal, often through the eyes of the wolf. He had been bred from a young age as a warrior, but especially when times were peaceful, the violence came back to haunt his mind in sleep. He knew Jocelyn suffered the same, so she would understand. Just the thought of her safe in his house provided comfort, but the need to see his little family with his own eyes drew him to his feet.
He first went to check on Clary. He didn't open her door, he didn't have to. The werewolf thing had its perks, so his hearing is excellent. With an ear close to her door, he could hear Clary breathing steadily, a sure sign that she was sleeping peacefully. It was only then that he let himself venture further down the hall to his room, finding the door slightly ajar, a habit of Jocelyn's from when Clary was small. He nearly laughed at himself, going to her like a child after having a nightmare.
Quietly swinging open the door, he found Jocelyn sitting up in bed. The lights weren't on, but they'd both adjusted to the darkness, apparently.
"Can't sleep?" She asked. "I heard you moving around out there."
"Yeah. Bad dreams." He confirmed, stepping inside and gingerly closing the door behind him.
"Me too." She said somberly.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked, having always been her confidant, and vice versa. He doubted there were many nightmares they hadn't shared with each other already, and now they only seemed to be repeating themselves. He made his way to her and sat on the opposite side of the bed with a familiar ease, noticing that she moved to face him.
"Nothing new." She said, reading his thoughts.
They met each other's gaze now that they were closer. Jocelyn was gripping her hands together anxiously and Luke was outright exhausted from the memories. All he wanted to do was lay here with her, but he wasn't sure how to initiate that. They'd always hugged, but...cuddling, for the lack of a better word, was completely new territory, as odd as that seemed.
"Do you want to talk?" Jocelyn asked after a moment, seeing the slight worry in his eyes.
He sighed and shook his head as an answer. Reaching out, he swept a strand of hair from her eyes, letting his hand linger at her cheek. She leaned into him, snaking a hand up his chest to the line of his jaw and bringing him down to kiss him lightly. They separated after a moment and, without words, determined between them that sleep wasn't going to come easily tonight, so why not put their time to better use? They kissed again, fuller, deeper this time as they both slid down to lie beside each other. They made love for the first time, quiet, slow, loving, everything neither had ever experienced before.
After that night, Luke had moved back into his room. Not long after, the full moon was approaching.
Jocelyn knew as much as the best friend of a werewolf should, which was very little. She knew the basics of transformation from her years of being a Shadowhunter; he could change back and forth from wolf to man whenever he wished, but on the night of a full moon, there was no choice. Not only that, but it was harder to control the wolf.
Luke had hardly talked about anything supernatural since he swore to live a mundane life alongside her, as she'd asked of him. She had always felt guilty about his turning, at how Valentine had betrayed him so long ago, so she never brought it up either. The only mention they ever made of it was on nights before the full moon when he'd tell Clary he couldn't tuck her in that night because he had to go out of town to visit a friend, or to pick up an order of books, little things like that. Maybe that's what being a werewolf had become for him, a small thing that stayed in the background.
But it was different now. He was on the council specifically to represent all werewolves, had been the leader of two packs, and they were living together now. There were things about being a werewolf, personal things, that Jocelyn was just now learning about and she wasn't going to hide from it any longer, or let him shy away from her.
On the night before a full moon, he couldn't quite control himself.
They were making love, and where it had started slow and sweet like it normally was, it had evolved into something more, and quickly. His kisses became hard, his arms tightening almost painfully around her waist before he flipped them, pinning her underneath him. His thrusts grew faster and deep, and she gasped, breathless. It was incredible, but surprising. He had never been like this.
The moment she felt his sharpened teeth on her neck, everything stopped. Still buried deep inside her, his hands were no longer on her, instead gripping the sheets at her sides, his head turned away from her, his cheek firmly pressed against her forearm. She could feel his rapid heartbeat against her breast, could hear the sheets tearing under his hands, only now feeling how his claws had nearly drawn blood on her skin. She waited, unafraid, as he came down from whatever high he was drifting from, her arms still wrapped around his neck, her fingers gently running through his hair in an attempt to sooth him. He shivered at the touch, oversensitive, she assumed.
Minutes later, he was still breathing heavily, still rock hard and inside her. He raised his head and looked all of her over that he could from this position before meeting her eyes. His eyes were glowing, that sickly shade of yellow that she was admittedly still getting used to. She'd very rarely seen him like this, least of all in their current situation.
He blinked a few times, trying to rid himself of the wolf. Easing out from her, he rolled onto his back beside her and shut his eyes in anguish.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked, eyes still shut, refusing to look at her.
"I'm fine. I might be a little sore later, but I'm not complaining." She said, half joking. He didn't respond, but at least his breathing had finally returning to something normal.
After silent moment, he grumbled his words. "They warned me about this."
"Who warned you about what?" Jocelyn asked, propping herself on an elbow and watching him carefully, waiting patiently for whatever explanation he was trying to give.
He signed. "The pack. Some of the guys, they told me about...sex before a full moon. But not just that, having a significant other in general who...who isn't a werewolf."
She stayed silent, but reached out to turn his head towards her. He finally opened his eyes and looked at her, a fainter glow now.
"Do you know what I nearly did to you? One of my greatest fears..." He turned away again, tears escaping his eyes. "Turning anyone, let alone someone I love."
She reached out fully and held him then. He wasn't a man who was afraid of crying, he never had been, though it wasn't often that he did it.
"You didn't hurt me. You stopped yourself, and that tells me that you're stronger then you think you are.” She said, reassuring him as she felt his arms wrap around her again at a comfortable pressure. “We'll be careful next time, we'll figure this out together."
"I put you in danger--" He started saying, his words a growl tight against the skin of her neck.
"Don't you dare say that making love to me is putting me in danger. You are not a monster or a danger to me." Her sternness shone through then, the warrior she was trained to be still alive and well in when there was a fight to be had.
Luke leaned up so that he could look at her again. The fearful look in his eyes was glazed over by the tears smearing his face. "Just because you're not afraid of me doesn't make me any less dangerous."
"I'm just as dangerous, but I will never hurt you. And you would never hurt me, even on your worst days." Jocelyn said, fully convinced of his strength over the wolf.
He shook his head several times, chewing at his lip. "I wish I could believe you. The wolf--"
"Is apart of you now. And has saved my life, as well as my daughter's. The wolf knows about our family. I don't believe you could do anything but protect us."
Luke let or a shaky breath, completely back to himself, completely in awe of the woman he loved.
The next night, Jocelyn couldn't help but stay close.
He'd isolated himself early in the day, to be safe. He'd kissed her goodnight, a few hours before it was even dark, and then left for his chamber. When night had fallen, however, and she can see the moonlight shine through the window, both she and Clary can hear his muffled screams.
Clary looked concerned, though in a curious way. "Why do you think it hurts him? He doesn't look hurt when he transforms on any other day."
Jocelyn tightened her lips, wondering why she hadn't learned in her classes yet. "He has full control on every other day but today. This transformation takes longer because it depends on the moon and how long it takes for it to rise. That's why he leaves so early, because even when the sun is out, he can feel the change beginning."
"And he's lived like this for how long?" Clary asks, more for effect than for a real answer.
Jocelyn sighed. "Only a little longer then you've been alive."
Clary sits back in her chair, visibly winded. "Poor Luke. I never really thought about any of that until now." A silent moment passed between them before she smirked and spoke again. “And I thought our monthly thing was bad.”
That earned her a half hearted slap to the arm by her mother, though she was smirking through it too.
"Whats on your mind?" Luke asked one afternoon. She'd looked oddly contemplative all day. At the moment, they were just sitting together at the kitchen table for lunch. Both found that they enjoyed just that, sitting together in quiet; reading, writing, drawing, in peace, as mundane as it was. Mundane was good when the first half of their lives was nothing but drama and chaos. Mundane together was even better.
"Joss, honey?" Luke pressed on, looking up above the frame of his glasses, his gaze now on his girlfriend and away from the book he was reading.
Jocelyn looked his way finally, and he could tell that she was still thinking. She was like this when she painted, too, or when she was thinking about painting. Something about her behavior that day, and a few days before actually, told him that this wasn't about her artwork.
She'd responded to his new endearment for her, 'honey.' She liked the sound of it, coming from him. He'd always called her Joss, it reminded her of when they were younger, when everyone was always calling her Josie or Lyn. But he'd known without her even saying that she didn't like those names. And now, there was this new addition to her list of names. She can't say it suits her more than it suits him saying it, it's sounds right coming from him, and it's one of the small things he does now to make her feel loved.
"Yeah?" She vaguely answered, the word almost under her breath.
That made him smile wide enough so that lines were showing up around his eyes. These lines only reminded her of how much time they'd known each other, because she remembered a time when there were no lines there; remembers everything that makes Luke who he is. She watches him carefully as he puts his book down, adjusts his glasses, and reaches out for her hand.
"What are you thinking about?" He said, re-wording his previous question, though he was sure she hadn't heard it before.
She squeezed his hand lightly, feeling the course skin there, then the thin, fading scars. She knew his every scar now, she'd counted and kissed every one, having sought out the ones she hadn't known about. She knew more about this man then anyone else ever has and ever will, and he knew her better than she knew herself. She didn't want to waste anymore of their time together.
"I want to get married." She said, having made him wait long enough for an answer, might as well be straightforward about it. After a few seconds of confirming silence, she urged him to respond. "What do you think?"
Luke was surprised to say the least. He kept his cool quite easily, however, but took a moment to think of what to say. "Well, as long as it's to me, then I'm game."
That made her laugh, and he was glad for it. He didn't want their past to dictate their future, or keep them from being happy.
"I thought about asking you." Luke continued. "But I didn't think you'd want to get re-married. We could end up like one of those happily unmarried couples, grow old together as boyfriend and girlfriend."
She was smiling along with him, being serious all the same. "I want to make this official. It won't atone for all the mistakes I've made, but it will be...right. I love you, and I want you to be my husband."
Luke could hardly contain himself, he was beaming. "I would be honored. I love you so much." He leaned in and they kissed, long and sweet.
Moments later, Luke could hear Clary walking up to the apartment, her keys jingling incessantly. They separated, Luke looking towards the front door.
"Better stop now or she'll tell us to get a room." He said.
They were laughing as she walked in, and the teenager looked curious, looking around. "People are going to think you're crazy, laughing at nothing."
"Hello to you, too." Luke deadpanned. "And how was your day?"
"Normal. Studied some runes, trained, got coffee after, now I'm here, looking for real food." With that, she opened the fridge to make an assessment. "Have you guys even moved? I think I left you in the same place this morning."
"I was in the store all day today, which I should be getting back to now." Luke said, looking at his watch as he got up from his seat at the table. "I was only suppose to be gone for ten minutes." He sneered at Jocelyn. "Thanks for making me late."
"I'm not apologizing, you're the one who wanted to know what I was thinking." Jocelyn countered.
Luke couldn't help but smile unabashedly, warmth rising in his chest at the thought of their engagement. "So glad I asked." He leaned down and kissed her check.
"Are you talking about something gross in front of me?" Clary said, making a face.
The two adults gave each other looks before Jocelyn address her daughter again. "Not unless you think Luke and I getting married is gross."
The stunned silence was palpable, but it only lasted for a moment as Clary nearly yelled in excitement, wrapping her arms around her mother in a tight embrace.
"Well I'm glad you approve." Luke said as his soon-to-be step daughter practically jumped up to hug him too. He held her close as it finally set in that he was legally going to be her father. Step-father, granted, but it was a title he deserved all the same. And by the looks of it, she liked the idea.
She looked up at him and he saw the face of the little girl he'd helped raise, happy and safe. This family is all he could ever ask for, and he was more than glad to finally be able to call it his. It had taken half a lifetime, and now he and Jocelyn had finally made a home.