Chapter Text
Yuri was gasping for air and screaming as she came to, desperately trying to cover herself, before she realized it had only been a nightmare. As she relaxed her body to the extent that she could, (not all that relaxed, by most standards) she squinted in the blinding light of the bedside lamp. There was… a person hovering over her looking very concerned, and repeating her name.
Yuri looked down at herself to notice that she was in her underwear, in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room.
Where am I? Who is this?!?
Yuri's vision gradually became more focused. The person above her was… it was Natsuki, the woman… from the waiting room … at the mental health center.
What the fuck?
Natsuki was wearing a tee shirt and… nothing else, parts on full display. "Donald-ducking it," as Yuri's friend and coworker Josh had once described.
What's happening right now?
Yuri's head was aching horribly. She tried to remember how she had ended up in this situation, but everything after the first hour or two of the book club meeting was blurry, and the end of it was completely blank.
"A-are you okay?" Natsuki asked.
"I-I'm… yeah. Just… I get night terrors sometimes, and… y-yeah. Sorry to worry you." Yuri stood up as she stammered, feeling her face flush to a degree it hadn't in years. At least she was wearing a bra— her drunk self apparently didn't have the same gripes about sleeping in one, which was now serving to save her even further embarrassment, however slight.
She shuffled, unsteadily, out of the bedroom and quickly found the bathroom in the unfamiliar flat. It felt like her skull was going to split open as she shut the door behind her and crouched over the toilet. It made her skin crawl to touch a strange toilet seat that she hadn't performed her normal sanitization ritual on, but there wasn't time to search for her purse and get the clorox wipes. Yuri retched, but nothing came out. What did she drink?
At first it was just wine, then after a few glasses… what was it that Sayori's hot roommate… her name was Monika, right?... yeah. What had Monika called that stuff? Jungle juice? Yuri had told herself she'd only have one cup, but...
She gagged again, actually throwing up this time. A little bit got in her hair. Yuri was going to need at least three showers before she felt clean again.
Why did she agree to having this book club meeting at Monika and Sayori's dive bar of an apartment? So many bottles everywhere… ugh. And why had Monika even suggested it? Letting random people that she'd never met know where she lived was reckless! Yuri was stupid to have even gone. If they'd just rented one of the meeting rooms at the city library, or gone to a fucking coffee shop, none of this would have happened. She wouldn't be sitting here over a stranger's toilet with the foul taste of bile in her mouth. She wouldn't have slept with some rando she'd met in the waiting room for fucking therapy two days ago.
Oh my god. I really did that, didn't I?
She didn't have moral objections to the idea of a hookup, but she'd never imagined being brave or trusting enough to get so intimate with someone so quickly, especially considering her past.
As she hovered over the toilet, the vile bodily fluid dripping from her lips, Yuri reflected on how all of this had even started.
————————————
Yuri sat in the waiting room of the mental health center, on a Wednesday, forty minutes before her appointment. She knew it was best to be fifteen minutes early for appointments, and she was in the habit of being early, so she planned to get there twenty five minutes beforehand. Then, since that was the time she'd designated in her head, she'd ended up leaving ahead of schedule for that, thus being early for being early. And so here she sat, every two weeks, for a not-insignificant chunk of time. But it was nice to check in when the place was practically empty anyway, giving her a chance to brace for the larger crowd that would accumulate as the turn of the hour drew closer, rather than jumping straight into it.
Yuri pulled out the small novel that Josh had lent her. Last time she'd hung out with him and Maureen, (who were a couple and basically her only two friends nowadays) she had complained about needing some lighter reading that was easy to jump in and out of in situations like this, and didn't physically weigh her purse down so much. Josh had smiled at that, "I have just the thing for you, Yu," He'd said. "They have a type of book in Japan that's literally called light novels. They're barely any bigger than a manga volume, but they're regular book series. Usually with occasional illustrations, but still."
Yuri had been skeptical after hearing about the pictures, but she was trying to keep an open mind. The spinoff books from A Song of Ice and Fire had illustrations, and those were okay, so hopefully these books would be too. She scanned the back cover, learning that apparently this book was about some kind of video game turning into reality, with a player being trapped in the inhuman body of their character in a new world.
Yuri was no stranger to video games, but she wouldn't call herself a gamer per se, and the MMORPG setting of this book was foreign to her, who mostly preferred puzzley single player games in the vein of Team Ico's works. Still, she pressed on into this book for the sake of her friend.
At some point, another person sat down beside her, but Yuri made a point not to look up.
Don't make eye contact. That'll just be awkward.
But just a minute or two later, a woman's voice, coming from that same chair, interrupted her reading. "Overlord, eh? I could only make it a couple episodes into the anime. Wasn't exactly my thing. But I've heard the light novel is better."
Yuri frowned at the book, before looking up to the woman beside her. She appeared to be somewhere in her mid or late twenties, close in age to Yuri, and had shoulder-length rose pink hair, with matching eyes that sparkled behind a pair of glasses.
Wow, they're so pretty...
Yuri realized she should probably respond to what the woman had said instead of just staring at her eyes. "Uh, well… this isn't quite speaking to me, at least not yet. I'll get through it though. My coworker who recommended this series is really into it, so I'll at least finish the first volume and tell him what I think. I'm hoping it'll surprise me."
The pink-haired woman smiled. "Leave it to a guy to recommend something to everyone just cause he likes it, without considering the audience. Maybe I'm wrong, but you don't strike me as the 'isekai power fantasy with a haram of hot monster girls' type. I'm Natsuki, by the way." The woman offered her a hand.
Accepting the handshake, Yuri responded. "Um… I suppose that's an accurate read. I do enjoy worldbuilding, which this seems to be setting up plenty of, but otherwise… yeah. A-anyway, I'm Yuri."
"Nice to meet you," Natsuki grinned, leaning back in her seat and folding her arms. "You come here often?"
Yuri cocked her head, confused. "Um… once every two weeks. Why?" It seemed odd for someone she'd just met to be asking about the frequency of her therapy visits. Had she just given away too much information?
Is this lady stalker or something?!? Oh God, what am I doing? I shouldn't have said anything!
Natsuki stared back at her for a moment, looking befuddled. "Uh… sorry, that was meant to be a joke, not a serious question."
What? It was a joke?
Oh, right. That's a cliche pickup line that people like to use as a joke.
"O-oh, I'm sorry," Yuri apologized, embarrassed "I should have realized."
"Ah, no worries," Natsuki reassured, before their conversation was interrupted— Sue, Yuri's therapist, was calling out to her from the door to the office area.
"Um… I-it was nice to meet you, Natsuki," Yuri said, waving, before following Sue through the door and down the hallway.
...
"It always fucking comes back to this, doesn't it?!? Every problem, every hang up… fuck!" Yuri pulled at her hair as she sat in the corner chair, avoiding eye contact.
"Well, when that level of trauma happens during your formative years, it certainly… creates pretty big ripples."
"But it's like… a thing that happened to me when I was nine. I-it shouldn't define my entire existence. It just seems like this is all I am! I-if you took away all the baggage from that one event there would be fucking nothing left of me."
"I don't think that's true, Yuri," Sue started. "You've really–"
"–It is true!" Yuri interrupted, choking on a sob. "I've been coming here for five months, a-and every single time we dig deep enough into a problem we end up in the same fucking place! I'm so tired of thinking about it! I can't stand this! Are you trying to break me down or something?"
"I'm sorry, I know it's really hard. We'll drop it for today, alright? Why don't we try practicing the breathing exercise together, from a couple meetings ago? Do you remember?"
"Y-yes, I remember. I'll do it myself though. I need to go." Yuri stood up and made toward the door.
"That's certainly your right. If you'd like, though, we can–"
Yuri passed through the door and slammed it shut before Sue could finish the sentence. She speed-walked through the hallway and the waiting room, before finally settling down on the curb outside the entrance and burying her face in her hands.
She watched the bustling cars over on Elm street drive by, listening to their sounds and feeling thankful that the side street she sat on was deserted.
Dammit. I'm such a bitch. I shouldn't have slammed the door on her. I shouldn't have gotten so heated. Sue is, like, the nicest lady, and she's just doing her job...
Yuri rummaged through her purse for a cigarette, lighting it with shaky hands and taking a drag. She was trying to quit, and she was smoking less often overall, but she always, without fail, needed a cigarette after therapy.
Some 'breathing exercises' these are, huh? God, I'm pathetic. One self-destructive habit isn't enough...
Soon she was lighting her third in a row, and Yuri noticed how hot and sweaty she was starting to feel. She looked up at the sky.
Is this from getting upset, or just the sun? Probably both.
It was an exceptionally warm day for April in New Hampshire, and the dark blue fabric of her office-appropriate fleece sweatshirt was not helping.
Fuck it.
Yuri took off the sweatshirt, baring her heavily scarred arms for the world to see. If there was anywhere that they would count as a normal or expected sight, it was here, on the sidewalk outside the mental health center.
That's what Yuri told herself, but it was still scary, even with nobody around, nevermind once people started to leave from and arrive for their appointments closer to the turn of the hour. Still, though, the unfamiliar feeling of the sun's rays heating her pale skin was nice.
As she put out the butt, Yuri considered lighting a fourth, when she heard a voice from behind.
"Aww, were you waiting for me? So sweet."
"Oh. H-hi, Natsuki," Yuri said, moving to obscure the scarred and scabbed parts of her wrists behind her back.
Natsuki had apparently already noticed though. "You don't need to hide. We're all coming here for a reason, y'know. I'd be stupid to judge you." She nodded toward the building they'd come out of.
Yuri relaxed a little. "Right. Sorry. I'm just… not used to it."
"Anyway, I was thinking about some other light novels you could try if you don't like Overlord," Natsuki changed the subject, thankfully. "I consider myself an ambassador of weeb culture, and I can't have you being put off from the community as a whole because of a thoughtless recommendation. What kind of stuff do you normally like to read?"
Yuri absently played with her hair as she thought. Maybe it wasn't the wisest choice to continue engaging with this stranger from the mental health center's waiting room, but Yuri found it hard to pass up on a chance to talk about books.
"Well, I've always loved fantasy and horror. My favorite books usually have rich and complex settings with lots of worldbuilding, or, like, psychological themes and elements. But I'm certainly open to other genres as well."
"Hmm, I think I have just the right light novel series for you, then. Would you wanna exchange numbers and meet up sometime so I can lend it–"
"–Ooh, are you two exchanging books?!?" An excited voice interrupted Natsuki. Yuri looked over to see a woman, with brilliant blue eyes and hair the color of a peach, beaming at them.
Oh wow, she's pretty too...
She also looked similar in age to Yuri, and appeared to be dressed for some kind of retail or customer service job, with a name tag that said Sayori on her button-up shirt.
"Yeah, what's it to you?" Natsuki asked before Yuri could say anything, apparently peeved at having been interrupted.
"Oh sorry— I'm Sayori." She announced. "It's nice to meet you!"
"I might have guessed," Natsuki commented, pointing at the name tag.
"Oh that's right, hehe." Sayori didn't seem deterred in the slightest by Natsuki's stand-offishness as she let out a small chuckle. "Well I'm sorry for interrupting you. I just happened to overhear your conversation, and I was interested 'cause my roommate has been thinking about starting a book club! Would either of you be interested? It would probably just be a little thing, with three or four people, if you end up coming. Just kinda hanging out to exchange books and talk about them and stuff— that's the idea."
Yuri's eyes widened. She'd always struggled to talk to new people and make friends, especially in the two years since her most recent relationship ended. It was even something she'd lamented in therapy in the past.
Had being approached by Natsuki today been some kind of sign? Maybe the universe was shining down upon Yuri, generously throwing opportunities to make friends her way. Anxious as it made her, there was no way she could ever let herself live it down if she declined.
"Th-that sounds wonderful," she forced herself to say.
Natsuki crossed her arms. "Is she going to be okay with you bringing a couple randos from the mental health center, though? I've seen some sketchy people in the waiting room here..."
Sayori thought for a second, before replying, "I think she'd actually prefer it. I mean, she's dealt with some… heavy stuff, too, and she generally feels safer around people with similar experiences— she comes here too, but, like, on a different day of the week. Besides, I don't get the vibe that either of you are malicious or anything, so… I think it's fine." She finished with a smile that Yuri couldn't help but return. It did seem a bit reckless, but Yuri had no plans to do anything bad, so hopefully it would be alright.
"Should we exchange numbers, then?" Yuri asked.
"Yeah, "
"Alright,"
The other two responded.
Sayori quickly added them to a group chat with her and her roommate. "Alright, we can work out the details by text, but I gotta go, like right now or I'm gonna be late for my appointment! It was nice meeting both of you!"
Yuri watched as she scuttled into the building, before Natsuki turned to her. "She seemed nice. I shouldn't have been bitchy."
Yuri was unsure of how to respond to that, so she kept quiet. There was a short awkward silence before she decided she ought to get back to the office. "Well, I should get back to work. It was nice meeting you, Natsuki."
"You too," said the pink-haired woman. "See you at, uh… book club, I guess," she grinned. "God I sound like a fucking wine mom."
After parting ways, Yuri returned to work to finish her shift. Her heart kept fluttering whenever a new text would appear in the group text with these new friends she was going to make.
I shouldn't get ahead of myself. It might not work out. Or it might be something sketchy. I should bring my pepper spray just in case...
By the time Yuri was done with her workday, the four book club participants had collectively agreed to meet two days later, on Friday after work.
Yuri was nervous, to say the least, but she couldn't wait.
————————————
Yuri stared into the toilet water where she'd just been sick.
This was awkward and terrifying. Waking up screaming in the apartment of someone she'd apparently fucked, not even able to remember, after having about four conversations? Yuri was barely equipped to handle normal daily social interactions without high levels of anxiety, but this... Jesus. She felt her heart rate starting to climb.
Why did she have to be so lustful and stupid? Staring at all the pretty ladies during the stupid meeting. Drinking more than she ever had before, even in college. She was lucky something worse hadn't happened.
Standing up, she flushed the toilet and staggered over to the sink. Yuri rinsed the bitter taste from her mouth, before drinking several swallows of water from the tap. Then she stood up straight and stared at her reflection, embarrassed.
God, I look so gross. If I'd known I was gonna do this, I could have prepared myself— There's nothing I can do about all the scars, but I could've at least done makeup, shaved, put on nice underwear that don't have fucking holes worn into them… I look like a fucking werewolf. How can I go out there and face her?
But soon Natsuki was knocking at the door and asking if she was okay, and at that point, staying in the bathroom would have been more awkward than going out regardless, so Yuri opened the door. She followed Natsuki, who had put on her glasses and some pajama pants, back to the bedroom.
Yuri noted a bare brick wall, and some guitars and musical equipment in the living room. A musician, huh? As they passed the kitchen, she saw that it was about four in the morning on the clock display of the microwave.
Maybe I can just go home… I wake up at four thirty when I have to cover a morning shift for support at work, so it wouldn't be that weird to be up and about now...
But Yuri wasn't even sure what part of the city she was in, so she had no idea how far she was from where she'd parked her car. Judging by the brick and the odd layout of the apartment, it seemed to be in one of the countless converted warehouses and mills that filled Manchester. Meaning it was probably somewhere a bit more in-the-city, unlike the apartment complex in the outskirts where the book club meeting had been held.
Manchester wasn't an exceedingly violent place, by any means, but walking alone at four a.m. was probably not a great idea, when her car was probably miles away.
Yuri sat back down on the bed and cradled her head in her hands. "I'm sorry that happened," she said. "For waking you and frightening you and everything. A-and throwing up."
"No need to apologize at all," Natsuki said. "I… sorry if this is prying too much, but was that night terror the flashback kind? You... don't have to answer if you don't want to. It just… I get those sometimes, too, and I saw... a bit of myself in you, if that makes sense."
Yuri looked over. Natauki was holding her legs tightly against her body, with her back against the headboard.
"Uh…" Yuri hesitated. Was that okay to share? Was there any chance for that knowledge to be exploited to her detriment? Natsuki sounded more concerned than anything, so…
"Y-yeah. It was. I'm... surprised you could tell."
"Mmm…" Yuri heard a shuffling behind her. "...Is it alright if I touch you?" Natsuki asked.
If she was asking politely like that, Natsuki probably wasn't going to do anything sketchy. Yuri nodded, and soon felt a hand rubbing gentle circles in her back.
"I know it's tough. But you're safe right now. Whatever it was is behind you."
This was nice, even if she barely knew this woman— It was actually somewhat comforting knowing that Natsuki was familiar with what she was going through, and she appreciated the moment of tenderness from someone whose default seemed to be facetiousness and sarcasm, based on their few interactions.
As she processed her situation a little further, Yuri realized something she might need to ask. "So, uh… this was the first time… th-that I've ever, uh… hooked up like this. What I mean is it wasn't something I was planning on, a-and I've been single for a while now, so I'm not exactly on the pill. D-did we use protection or…"
"Wait, you don't remember? We didn't have… that kind of sex— it gives me pretty bad dysphoria, usually, so we just… uh… got eachother off in different ways."
"Ah, okay," Yuri said, relieved. "Sorry for... bringing it up."
"It's fine. And besides, I've been on HRT long enough that there's no sper– there's no, uh… risk of pregnancy, even if I were to… y'know..." Natsuki sighed, grimacing. Yuri felt guilty for making her explain something that was clearly upsetting. She should have known that.
"But seriously," Natsuki continued, "you don't remember, like, what we did, or… leaving together, or anything?"
"N-no. I… I blacked out, I guess? A-another first." Yuri said, feeling her face heat up.
"Wait— oh my god," Natsuki said. "D-does that mean that I just... th-that I raped–…" Yuri looked over to see the other woman was pale, covering her mouth.
"No," Yuri did her best to sound reassuring, "you were also really drunk, weren't you? So if anything, that would mean legally, we both… uh… y'know…"
Way to go, Yuri, you fucking idiot. Why am I like this???
Natsuki clenched fistulfulls of her hair, tears welling in her eyes. "But I didn't black out!! And the way you were covering yourself when you were having the flashback… oh my god, Yuri, your trauma is sexual isn't it? And I just triggered it by taking advantage of you when you were too drunk to consent!"
Oh.
The pieces fell into place as Yuri realized that jumping straight to sex with a new acquaintance, rather than easing into sexual relations over the course of several weeks like with her past partners, probably was responsible for this night terror— the first she'd had in the better part of a year.
She didn't think she had been taken advantage of, though. Even if Natsuki's troubled state was all an elaborate manipulation tactic, which it seemed far too genuine to be. Her cousin and her first boyfriend had both made sure that Yuri was intimately familiar with the feeling of being sexually violated, and she definitely didn't have that feeling right now. So, Yuri moved to comfort the other woman, kneeling on the bed to face her. She reached out and placed a hand on Natsuki's arm.
"No, Natsuki, I'm sure it wasn't like that. I remember ogling you before I blacked out, a-and I've been kind of… unintentionally depriving myself lately, with work and all my personal projects, so I've been feeling more, uh… salacious than usual, if that makes sense. I-I'm sure I was willing."
"Really?" Natsuki looked up to meet her eyes.
"Yeah," Yuri replied, nodding. "And you definitely drank as much, if not more than me. At least during the parts of the night I can remember. I don't think either of us was in a position to legally consent, but we just… we both did something irresponsible."
"Alright. Well… if anything changes— if, like, something comes to the surface later, 'cause you're repressing now, or anything like that, just… please let me know. I'll… I don't know. I'll do something— whatever it takes to make it right."
Yuri looked back at her, taken aback. "You should be careful saying that kind of thing to people. They could use it as an opportunity to lie and exploit you."
Natsuki cracked half a smile. "I mean, it's not like I almost do a horrible crime every day. And in that kind of situation I'd rather have less money and a cleaner conscience, honestly. If there's even like a one percent chance they were telling the truth…"
Yuri nodded. She smiled, happy that this woman she'd drunkenly chosen to be intimate with was at least a good person. Or... was it all an act? No, that didn't seem likely, so Yuri chose to force the thought out of her head.
She found herself hoping that this awkward experience wouldn't get in the way of them becoming friends. Maybe they'd even develop feelings over time, if they got to know each other.
Yuri released Natsuki's arm and moved back to the edge of the bed. "Um… s-sorry to impose, but do you have some pajamas I could borrow?" She asked, feeling a bit self-conscious about her state of undress but not wanting to change back into her office shirt and khakis.
"Oh, yeah, sure," Natsuki said, fishing through her drawer for several seconds, before tossing over a soft tee shirt and some pajama shorts. "I'm gonna go grab us some water. Do you want some tylenol?"
"Um… no thanks. Just water is fine."
"Alright," Natsuki said as she left the room.
Yuri took the opportunity to remove her bra and crusty underwear, which immediately helped her feel far more comfortable. After a deep breath and a stretch, she slipped into the pajamas she'd been lent and lifted the covers, lowering herself into Natsuki's bed.
Soon the other woman returned with two glasses of water, and handed one to Yuri. She bit her lip, staring at the cup. Was it really safe to accept a drink in this situation? Well… she was already in the apartment, and they'd already had sex, so… probably? She decided to take a sip, but apparently she wasn't quick enough.
"Still don't trust me, huh?" Natsuki asked as she grabbed the glass back from Yuri, taking a sizable sip herself. "See? All safe."
"S-sorry. Thanks," Yuri said, gulping down half of what remained and placing it down on the nightstand beside her.
"No worries. I'm sure you're still feeling kind of disoriented, so it's, uh... understandable." Natsuki replied. "Hey… how about we go out to breakfast, when we wake up? Get to know each other a little... My treat?"
Yuri closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember if she had any commitments on Saturday. None came to mind, though she realized her cat, Pepper, was going to be unhappy when she got home, having missed her wet food last night.
"Sure, that... sounds nice," Yuri smiled.
"Alright, let's try to catch some sleep in the meantime," Natsuki said, getting under the covers and removing her glasses before reaching to turn out the light.
"Okay... Goodnight."