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"You're without a doubt the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
Those words snap him back into the present, and at first the shorter boy is unable to interpret the unprompted declaration, let alone respond.
"Y-you're ridiculous."
"Yes, maybe." He gives an easy smile, one that seemed to soften his entire face. Like there wasn't a single weight on his shoulders. Only the boy in front of him.
"But you're not. Who could witness something like you and not be moved?"
He fiddles with his keys.
"C-come on, that's not… you can't be serious."
There's a density to the silence that follows, forcing him to turn around. The soft clink of the keychain before it's silenced by the palm of his hand. They watch each other for several moments. One nervous, the other...
"I take you very seriously." It's the most definitive statement of the night. The conviction has him squirming in his shoes, eyes begging to break away and slink off into the cracks of the pavement where they belong.
He holds him there with his gaze.
"...I know." The spell is released with this soft admission, his voice barely audible over the distant rumble of the city. So much movement, so many textures. It was too much. Like trying to see in the dark after staring at a light.
The serrated voices of life, scraping ceaselessly against the cast-iron tombs of their own making.
But that wasn't here right now. When they were together, this little hole in the wall felt like it was somewhere else. Somewhere safe and far away from the noise and stench. Where blood and hurt couldn't reach him.
He needed to get the door open. It was so loud. Too much.
His hands shake just enough to bar him from doing it properly. The tremors rarely seemed to stop now. They were as unconscious as they were involuntary. He didn't have to be feeling anything in particular anymore. His body... his brain and its chemicals, had imprinted the behavior - and now repeated it back to him like a parrot.
He feels tight. There's nothing around him, and yet the open air threatens to suffocate him. The chilled night succumbs to stagnancy until it begins to rot at his lungs with an impending heat that commands him to run. There's not enough space and his repeated failure only builds a miserable frustration as his breath becomes harder to find. There's a pressure inside of him building in his gut screaming to either get out or hide and he can't do either because he's only trying to open a fucking door and why can't this damn thing open he's such a fuckup why is he like this why can't he even do the most simple things like a functioning
"Shinji-kun." It's in his ear, and for every logical reason the intimate closeness the other boy has taken should only make him feel worse. It doesn't.
"Please be kind to yourself." A pale hand covers his. Its thumb rolls across the back of his own, and the knuckles are brought up to a familiar pair of soft lips. "I can only give you the love I'm capable of providing on my own, and you deserve far more than that."
The overlapping hand guides his, its digits gently hugging the sides with a gentle pressure. The tremors gradually reduce themselves just enough for the key to slip into the lock.
"You're so cute."
"Y-you keep saying that…"
"Because you are."
"I love you."
The blush he gives is all he could ever want. Look at me. Just look at me like that, that's all I ask.
"I-I l-love you t-too…"
"So cute…"
He squirms as the next kiss comes, but it's not from discomfort. Socked toes curl behind him along the bed.
"You deserve the world, sweet boy. Beautiful boy."
There's no reply. He doesn't need to. His face burns.
"I'd give you anything. Did you know that? Every last drop of infinity."
His skin prickles at the proximity, the hair on the back of his neck tingling as hushed tones tickle at his ears and fill the dead air of the room. It's so quiet.
"You, Shinji, are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that is why you unfairly suffer so much."
He's silent, quiet tears spilling from his eyes as he's held so close. Wet cheeks rub themselves affectionately against his love's shoulder.
"I don't even deserve you…"
"No. You deserve everything."
And he can't. Not everything. It hurts.
"You're so good to me…"
"And you're so good for me."
They lay frozen unto the present, the warmth of breath slowly receding as the world fades away.
"Am I really me?"
"Yes, but you don't have to be."
"Are you scared?"
"No. Not with you."
"Why do you trust me?"
"Because I love you."
"When?"
"Since we were born."
"Were we always like this?"
"Does it matter?"
"We were quite the pair."
"Still are."
"Are we?"
"I love you."
"I know."
"Hold me, will you?"
"I'm…"
"I know."
"How long?"
"Forever."
"Forever?"
"Yes."
"I'm happy."
"I know."
"You're so warm."
"I think that's you."
"I…"
"Yes."
"Do you…?"
"No."
"I love you."