Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“So you’ve been lying to me this whole fucking time?” Mickey tries to keep his voice down so Hope doesn't wake up.

“I didn’t lie.”

“No? Because from where I’m standing, keeping this from me is the same as fucking lying.”

Ian puts his hands on the kitchen island and takes a moment. He understands why Mickey is upset, but Ian thought at least some part of him would be happy about Ian's news. After he hung up from his phone call with Sue, Ian sat up in bed while Hope and Mickey slept beside him contemplating the pros and cons of going back to work as an EMT. He loved the job, more than anything he has ever done, but it wasn’t just about him anymore. He had Mickey and Hope to consider, which is why he instantly knew that he had to give it another try. This could be the answer to what they’ve been looking for in terms of trying to find a new job, giving them a schedule that didn’t have them working opposite each other. 

They had spent the whole weekend at home. Saturday was mostly a lazy day in bed, snuggling up to Hope while blowing raspberries on her belly just so they could hear her laugh. After the scare at the hospital, her soft giggles and flailing arms and legs were all they wanted to see from their baby girl, watching her be her happy, lively self lifted a weight off their chests. They took naps when she did, keeping her in their bed so they could lay on either side of her, not wanting to let her out of their sight for a single moment. 

On Sunday, it was the Gallagher monthly catch-up dinner and the last thing Ian and Mickey wanted to attend. They decided to host it at their apartment so they could keep Hope in her environment. Once everyone had arrived and settled, not once did they allow anyone else to hold Hope when asked if they could give her a cuddle. 

Mickey was feeling overwhelmed. He had no energy to interact with the horde of people in their living while they glared at him for refusing to let them hold Hope. It was beginning to be too much. He made his way into the nursery so he could take a moment to sit with his daughter without the judgmental looks being thrown his way.

“He’s getting a little overprotective there, don’t you think?” Lip takes a sip of his soda.

“That’s my husband you’re talking about, so why don’t you shut your mouth.”

The room goes silent. Lip and Mickey have always riled each other up and Ian has let it slide. However, his reaction to Lip’s comment sets off alarm bells with his siblings. Ian sighs. He rubs the back of his neck and takes a look at the nursery door to make sure it’s still closed. 

“Hope was admitted to hospital on Friday.”

“Shit. What happened?” Debbie pulls Franny onto her lap, instinct telling her to hold her daughter close after hearing about a child being sick or hurt. 

“She had a reaction to her vaccinations. Fever, nonresponsive.” The memories of how Hope looked in that hospital bed flash before him. When he worked as an EMT, Ian had seen so many haunting situations when it came to people needing medical attention. None of them even compared to seeing it happen to his own child.

“They gave her fluids and antibiotics. Thankfully her fever broke so they were able to release us Saturday morning.”

“Fuck. I had no idea. No wonder he didn’t want to let her go.”

“Yeah. It’s been a rough couple of days.”

“How you holding up?”

For the first time, Ian feels like he can just let go. Tears fall from his eyes as he allows the fear to take over. He was just as scared as Mickey was, but he knew he had to keep it together. He had the training, the knowledge, and the strength to make sure Mickey didn’t lose control. Now, with the support of his family around him, Ian was able to let the panic of ‘what if’ consume him while in a safe environment. 

He leans forward, his head resting in his hands as he quietly sobs. The sudden pressure of bodies leaning against his own calm his racing heart as it reminds him that he is home, with his family who love him and their daughter, who is safe in her daddy’s arms. 

“Ian, hey. She’s okay, man.” Lips words register with him and he sniffs to collect himself.

“I know. I know. I just haven’t been able to process it. Mickey needed me and, until now, I’ve just been keeping it together.”

“You can’t do that, Ian. Especially with-”

“Don’t say it, Deb’s. Not everything I do has to revolve around my Bipolar.”

“You sure? Because last I checked every single one of your actions could affect it”

“If that’s how you feel then maybe you should leave.” Mickey’s voice cuts through the tension that was building between Ian and Debbie. Hope is leaning against Mickey’s shoulder, nuzzling into his neck.

“It’s been a really fucking hard couple of days and we opened our home to you all because we know how much it means for Liam and Franny to be with everyone. But if you even think of disrespecting my husband, your brother after the stress we’ve just been through, then you can walk the fuck out.” Hope smacks her hand on Mickey’s chest, pulling at the collar of his t-shirt. Mickey had only stepped out of the nursery because it was time for Hope’s feed, but he was sure as hell glad he did.

He casually steps towards Ian, noticing the tear stains on his cheeks and glistening eyes shining up at him that say ‘thank you’ for stepping in. Mickey passes their daughter over to her Dada, knowing having her close will ease the tension in Ian's heart, the same way it settled his own. He makes his way into the kitchen to prepare a bottle. 

No one speaks. They all keep their eyes on Hope, soaking in every part of her as they realise that there may have been a small possibility that this dinner could have involved one less family member had things gone wrong. 

“Here. Why don’t go you feed her, I’ll order the food for everyone.” Mickey hands Ian the bottle, gently pushing him from the couch to stand up and make his way into the privacy of Hope’s room. Without hesitation, Ian obliges and leaves Mickey to his siblings. 

The door to Hope’s nursery closes and Mickey looks around the room. 

“You have one minute to tell me what you want, otherwise I’ll order and you can all eat what I get.” An influx of pizza flavours begins to get shouted at him and the ear-piercing chaos suddenly has him feeling at peace. 

Hope is curled up in Ian’s arms, fast asleep with her small little hand clinging onto the white and teal giraffe squeaker toy that Ian had seen in the hospital gift shop while they were waiting to be discharged. The soft fabric and gentle squeak noise when squeezed had lit up Hope’s face, excited to have a toy to distract her from the unknown surroundings of the hospital. He brushes the hair away from her face, rocking back and forth in the chair while he reminds himself that she is safe, she is healthy, and that she is home. 

Ian looks up at the sound of the nursery door opening. Expecting it to be Mickey, he’s only a little surprised to see Lip sneaking in with a plate of pizza in his hand. He closes the door, blocking out the outside noise of their family bickering as he takes a seat on the floor, his back against the wall.

“Thought I’d bring you some pizza before it all get’s eaten.” Lip makes sure to whisper, not wanting to disturb his niece.

“Thanks.” Ian offers a warm smile, quickly locking eyes with Lip before averting his attention back to Hope.

“Did the doctors mention anything about future vaccinations?” 

Ian nods, keeping his eyes on his daughter. “They don’t think we need to rule out not getting her vaccinated. But they do suggest booking them in with the hospital so they can monitor her and provide antibiotics quicker in case she needs it.”

The thought of watching his daughter go through what happened over and over again petrifies him. However, as they confirmed, it wasn’t an allergic reaction, it was just unfortunate that her immune system reacted the way it did to the vaccine. Ian takes in a deep breath, knowing the weight he is feeling only has half to do with what happened with Hope.

“I need to ask you something, but I also need you to keep it to yourself.”

Lip sits up a little straighter, eyes focused on his little brother.

“Okay…”

“I mean it Lip. I haven’t told Mickey yet and I don’t…I’m not sure how to, so just, hear me out.”

The coward that he is decides to keep his eyes on Hope rather than look up at his brother.

“I bumped into Sue at the hospital, you know, back when I was working as an EMT. She called me yesterday and offered me my job back if I retake the exams and pass.”

“Ian, that’s amazing.”

He waits. He thought so too which is why he doesn’t understand why he’s afraid to tell Mickey. 

“Is it?” He finally looks at his brother, his words putting a confused look on Lips’ face.

“Mickey and I already struggle with our work schedules, Lip. You have no idea the pressure it has put on our relationship from constantly being apart.”

“You two were always so codependent on one another.” Lips’ comment is meant to be snarky but Ian doesn’t bite. He explains.

“Can you blame us? Look at our track record. Years of being torn apart and not always due to it being our choice.”

Lip looks down at his lap.“Shit, you’re right. I’m sorry, man.”

“We just- I don’t know how to explain it, but being apart isn’t good for us. Mentally. Physically. We’ve been working on opposite schedules for the last two months, seeing each other in passing or talking over the phone. Then weekends all our time goes to Hope. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change having her in our lives, it’s just…”

“You miss just having time together, alone.” 

“…Yeah”

He looks back down at his daughter, running the back of his index finger against the smooth porcelain skin of her chubby cheek.”

“If I knew I was coming home to Mickey and Hope, and that once we put her to bed we'd have time for ourselves, then the struggle wouldn’t be so hard.”

“So what, you want to be an EMT and have Mickey as the stay-at-home wife.”

“I mean, it would fix all our problems.”

“For you. Is that what Mickey would want?”

“Maybe…I don’t know.”

“Because you haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Because what if he says no? What if he tells me not to go back working as an EMT?” Ian’s sudden rise in his voice causes Hope to stir.

“Ian. You honestly believe he would do that?”

Ian knows he wouldn’t. He told Mickey all about his time as an EMT when they drove to Mexico all those years ago, then shared his hopes of one day being able to go back into that line of work while they shared a prison cell together.

“Look, if you’re really that worried, then wait.”

“Wait?”

“Study during the day. Take the test, and find out if you officially have the job before working yourself up over something that might not happen.” 

“I can’t tell if that’s a smart idea or just a way for you to tell me I probably won’t pass.”

Lip slaps Ian’s leg, the only part of his body he can reach without needing to stand up or without disturbing his sleeping niece. Chuckling softly, Ian kicks his brother back, aware that this may soon become rough if he doesn’t stop. The door suddenly opens, Ian’s beautiful, caring husband standing in the doorway. 

“Hey, just wanted to see if you wanted any more pizza.”

“I’m good. Thanks, Mick.”

“Did you take your meds?”

“Not yet. I was about to grab them once I put Hope down in our room.”

Mickey nods, his eyes averting from Lip back to his husband, trying to read the room to make sure Ian was okay. 

“Alright. Guess I’ll get back out there before Carl drops more pizza on our couch from trying to throw pieces in the air and catch it in his mouth.”

“Fucking, Carl.” Ian shakes his head at the stupidity of his brother. 

The door closes and Lip automatically turns towards Ian.

“So what are you going to do?”

Ian stands from the rocking chair and looks Lip straight in the eye.

“I’m going to do it. I’m going to study and take the test before I overthink it all.”

Lip stands, patting his brother on the back, a proud smile evident on his face.

And that’s what Ian did. For the last two months, Ian prepared himself for the exam while Mickey was at work. He spent the day studying while Hope slept or played by herself on the floor. He took his books to work so he could read on his break and then left them hidden when he spent time with Mickey. Ian didn’t like having to hide the books in Hope’s bedroom wardrobe but that was probably due to the fact that he didn’t like lying to Mickey. 

On the day of the exam, he organised Lip to babysit Hope, and although Ian had spent his time rereading all the books, he was pleased to see he still remembered most of the content. He sat down in front of a piece of paper that could change his and Mickey’s life and there was something exciting and nerve-wracking about that.

It wasn’t even a week later that Ian got the call from Sue, offering him his job back after receiving his test scores. She wasn’t even surprised to see he had aced the test just like the first time he took it. Ian hung up the phone, his emotions going from excitement to being nervous, to dread as he realised he now needed to share the news with Mickey and hope that he would be excited for him.

“I’m sorry if that’s how you feel.”

“If that’s how I-” Mickey thinks if that’s Ian’s way of an apology, it’s a pretty fucking shitty one.

“Tell me, if your family fucking knew about it and I didn’t, then how the fuck is that not lying.”

“It’s not- I was planning to-”

Mickey raises his eyebrows at the bullshit excuses that are trying to leave his husband's mouth.

“So this whole time I’ve been working, thinking you’ve been at home taking care of our daughter, this is what you’ve been doing?”

“I needed to do this. To see if I could do it.”

“Were you even going to tell me about the job or just come home one day in your uniform and be all ‘surprise, I’m now working as an EMT again.’”

“Of course I was. That’s what I’m doing now.”

Mickey scoffs.

“Yeah, two months later.”

Mickey paces the living room. He’s itching for a smoke which is a surprise since he hasn’t wanted once since before Hope was born. 

“I was scared, okay.”

Mickey stops. He looks towards Ian, the sad puppy dog look on his husband's face hitting him in the chest.

“I was scared of failing and letting you down.”

“Is that was it was? Or were you scared of telling me in case I said no?”

Ian’s silence answers Mickey’s question. 

“You really think that little of me?” Mickey’s voice is weak. The last time Ian heard Mickey’s voice like that was on the front porch steps of the Gallagher house after he returned home from running off with Monica. 

“Mickey, of course not. It’s just…” Ian pushes off the kitchen island and makes his way towards Mickey, still keeping the couch between them as a buffer. Ian looks down. He can’t deny that the thought crossed his mind but admitting it makes him feel guilty for believing Mickey would put his foot down on something that was so important to Ian. But right now, this is the moment for truth, so Ian asks it.

“Would you…have said no?” 

“The fact that you even have to ask just shows how little faith you have in me.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just with all the stress of us trying to find a new job and Jackson, I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me even considering going back.”

“Of course I wouldn’t have said no, at least not to you taking the test. But we needed to discuss it first. You can’t just make a decision about where you work without running it by me first. This changes everything, Ian. And it’s not just you and I this will affect. We agreed to be honest with each other. No more secrets.”

“What, like this apartment?”

The minute Mickey’s face drops Ian knows he fucked up.

“Mickey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“Fuck you, Ian.” He storms off into the bedroom, closing the door behind him and wincing as he remembers Hope is asleep in the bassinet beside their bed. He stands with his back to the door with his hands on his hips. So many thoughts are running through Mickey’s mind right now and he isn’t sure which emotion he wants to tackle first. 

He’s angry that Ian kept this from him for so long, especially with how hard he had been working so Ian didn’t have to take on any additional hours, even sometimes working the night shift two weeks in a row to help balance Ian’s sleep routine. Another part of him was proud that Ian once again was able to get a perfect score on his exam which allowed him the opportunity to go back and work at the only job he has ever been proud of having. But right now, the emotion that's hitting him the hardest is the hurt and sadness after Ian had just thrown this apartment in his face, comparing it to the lie Ian had been keeping. This apartment was meant to be a fresh start for them after what Ian went through. This was Mickey’s way of trying to help them both move forward.

Mickey’s hurt that his own husband would assume he would deny Ian the happiness he knew this job would bring him. He's tired of fighting but Mickey knows they can’t end this argument here. They need to discuss this to the end. He counts to five before storming back into the living room.

“You have some fucking nerve throwing this apartment back into my face.”

“I know.” Ian’s voice is soft. He’s a coward and used one of the most thoughtful gestures Mickey has ever made to take the heat off himself. 

“I didn’t sign a lease and say ‘this is it.’ Unlike you who just walked through that door announcing you have a new job.”

“I know.”

“I gave you the option to say yes or no to this place. After everything we had been through together, after what happened to-” Mickey takes a moment, flashbacks of finding Ian's bloodied body after Terry kidnapped him flood his mind. He clenches his fists, rage taking over his body. He takes a couple of deep breaths before continuing. 

“Mickey…”

“Did you even think about me and Hope?”

“What?”

“When you took the job, did you even consider how this would affect us?” His voice is weak. He’s tired of the fight but he needs to know.

“You were both the first thing on my mind and the sole reason I said yes.”

Mickey’s look of confusion causes Ian to continue, slowly stepping around the couch to get closer to his husband.

“Working as an EMT again means I can earn enough money so you don’t have to work. You can stay home with Hope. I can finish my shift and actually get to spend time with you rather than watch you run out the door.”

“So I’m some househusband now? You going to pay for everything and treat me like some kept women?”

“No, not if you don’t want to be. I just thought, maybe this way, we could actually get more time together as a family.” Ian's close enough to Mickey to be able to touch him. He links their hands together, holding them by his side as he gives Mickey a moment to process. 

“It’s not that simple. You’ll be working crazy hours and with one wage, we’d be pushing it to cover all our expenses.”

“We’ll make it work. We always have. And I’ll talk to Sue, make sure I only get rostered on for nightshifts if they really need me. Explain that it doesn’t work with my routine and the meds.”

“You’re the rookie again, Ian. Doubt you’ll have much say in what hours you work.”

Mickey wasn’t wrong, but Ian knew that Sue understood his situation and took that into account when she asked him back. He also knew that what Mickey was saying wasn’t a no.

“Does that mean…”

Mickey lets out a sigh.

“Don’t think I’m not pissed still. You just spent the last two months hiding this from me, using your family to cover for your ass so you could study and take the test.” Mickey rubs his thumbs over Ian’s hand. “But I also know how much being an EMT means to you, and the fact that they asked you back after you aced your exam for the second time just shows you were meant for this job.”

How Ian ended up with the most supporting husband, he will never know. He leans his forehead against Mickey’s, a silent 'thank you' being passed down to him through touch. 

“Have you spoken to Jackson?”

“No, not yet. I figured once you had decided what you wanted to do we could speak to him together.”

Mickey scoffs. “Yeah, well. I might wait a few more hours to let this all set in before I go quitting.”

The soft snuffly cries from Hope causes the bubble they had found themselves in to burst. Ian gives Mickey’s hands a gentle squeeze, laying a kiss on his husband's forehead before pulling away. 

“I’ll get her.” 

Mickey nods, letting Ian step away and give him a moment to himself. He runs his hands down his face, listening to Ian’s voice raise a few octaves as he says good morning to Hope, even though it’s well into the afternoon. He walks to the kitchen hoping there’s a beer in the fridge, his hand freezing on the door handle as his eyes catch a bill hanging off the freezer door and the calendar beside it reminding them of Hope’s next dose of vaccines she has scheduled in two days time. 

The room suddenly feels small and Mickey needs to get out before he struggles to breathe. Ian’s walking out of the bedroom, smiling from ear to ear as Mickey grabs his keys and a jacket. 

“Mick? What’s going on?”

“We’re ah, out of beer. I’m just going to get some.”

The door slams shut, concern running through Ian due to the fact that he knows there's a six-pack sitting in the back of the fridge. 

Mickey rushes down the stairs of their apartment building, his feet barely touching the step before he hurries onto the next. His lungs feel like they’re bursting as he pushes the door open onto the busy streets of Chicago and takes huge deep breaths to ease the pain in his chest. He leans his back against the building, his hands on his head as he closes his eyes and waits for his breathing to settle. 

He knows he was on the verge of a panic attack. He has had enough of them over the last year or so to be able to notice the signs and for the first time ever, he didn’t want Ian helping him through it. Needing further distance away from his husband, Mickey begins to walk with no destination in mind.

As though time hasn’t passed, the sound of live music coming from the same bar he and Ian went to the day they found out they'd been approved for a home visit from the adoption agency is in Mickey’s sights. 

Pushing his way through the crowds of people on a Saturday afternoon, Mickey finds an empty spot at the bar and takes a seat, allowing the loud music to drown out the thoughts in his head. He grabs the bartender's attention, ordering himself a Jamison and a beer, and then ordering another as he downs the shot before the bartender can walk away.

“Rough day?”

Mickey downs the second shot, ignoring the guy's question. 

“How bout I buy you another and you can tell me about it.”

“Not interested.”

“How would you know, you haven’t even looked up at me.”

With a scowl on his face, Mickey turns towards the guy trying to hit on him and is faced with someone the same height as Ian, maybe a little taller. He’s older, has a buzzcut and muscles which he is showing off in a shirt two sizes too small. He’s dark-skinned and has a cocky smile on his face.

“There we go. Was that so hard?”

“For me, excruciating.”

“Well to make up for the pain, how about that drink?”

“In case you haven't noticed, married. So go waste your money on someone else.” Mickey holds up his hand to emphasize his point by showing the sparkling ring on his finger. 

The guy actually chuckles, causing Mickey to raise his eyebrows because nothing he said was a joke. 

“You’re feisty. I like that. I’m Caleb.” 

The guy sticks his hand out and alarm bells ring in Mickey’s head.

“Caleb?”

“Yeah. I like the way my name sounds rolling off your tongue.” He gives Mickey a wink.

“You a firefighter Caleb?”

“Actually I am. How’d you know?”

“Oh, lucky guess. Or maybe it was because I could smell the douchebag dripping off of you.” 

“Excuse me.”

“Fuck the drink, you want to get out of here?”

The smile appears back on Caleb's face. He’s leaning on the bar but stands up straight as he catches on to Mickey’s proposition.

“After you.”

Mickey chugs his beer, belching before he walks back out through a crowd that’s even busier than before. He turns to see Caleb not far behind him as he stands on the footpath, tilting his head towards the alley beside the bar. 

“Parked my car back here.” Mickey lies, seeing the eagerness on Caleb’s face.

“Your place or mine?”

“Well, mine might be a problem since my husband Ian is home.”

As they turn the corner, Mickey stops walking. Caleb steps closer, Mickey’s words not even registering as he crowds Mickey against the wall.

“We can go to mine...unless he'd be interested in joining in with us?”

“Doubt it. He has a thing about guys called Caleb.”

“Oh yeah, why’s that?”

“Maybe because the one he dated cheated on him for a cunt. Kind of suited his personality to be honest.”

Caleb finally stops his pursuit as he takes a step back to study Mickey’s face. 

“Who’d you say your husband was again?”

“Ian. Ian Gallagher. I’m his husband, Mickey.” Giving Caleb no time for the words to sink in, Mickey throws a punch, his ‘fuck’ knuckles landing on Caleb's jaw. It’s been a long time since he’s thrown a punch, the pain in his hand throwing him off but the thrill of seeing Caleb take a hit pumps him with enough adrenaline to mask it. 

“I know all about you, you piece of shit.” Mickey hits Caleb again, this time landing on his cheekbone. 

Mickey catches his breath as Caleb tries to steady himself on his feet, holding his hands up in surrender.

“So you’re Mickey.”

"Heard about me, huh?”

“I heard about you. Heard how abusive you were, beating the shit out of Ian before you guys fucked. Heard how you married some whore you knocked up. Guess I’m not the only one that fucks woman on the side.” 

Mickey sees red. Pure fire and rage from the words that Caleb is spiting at him, knowing he's simply repeating things that Ian has said to Caleb in the past. He steps forward, taking the element of surprise by kneeing Caleb in the groin, causing him to bend over which allows Mickey to throw one more punch, hard enough for Caleb to fall to the gravel below them. 

“Fuck you. Whatever you think you know, you have no idea.” Mickey wipes his nose with the back of his hand and walks off, not caring about the mess he left behind. 

Mickey walks a few blocks before stopping. What the fuck did he just do? He stepped out of the apartment needing to process the fact that his husband had been keeping a secret from him, one where he had planned their whole life for them without even consulting with Mickey on whether it was the life he wanted, and now this. Caleb knows exactly who he is and by any means could easily press charges for assault. He just risked Hope being taken away from them and for what? For revenge? For payback? Ian broke his heart and then went off to play house with this guy and yet here Mickey is defending Ian’s honour. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He looks around, hoping answers for how he is feeling will suddenly appear. The sound of his phone ringing causes him to jump. He looks down, the photo of Ian and Hope appearing on his screen with Ian’s name flashing up at him. He lets it go to voicemail, crossing the street and making his way to the park bench so he can sit down. 

He cradles his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees as he calms himself down. The sound of his phone once again ringing was not helping the situation. Mickey takes his phone back out of his pocket, declining Ian’s call so he could go into his contacts and call the only other person he knows who could calm him down. Putting the phone to his ear, it rings only a few times before it connects.

“What’s up dick breath.”

“I fucked up, Mandy.”

“Mickey, what’s wrong?”

“I was just so angry and hurt and I wasn’t thinking, you know.”

“Hey, whoah. Slow down. What are you talking about?”

“They’re going to take Hope away, aren’t they. They’re going to put her back in the system with people who don’t love her the way we do and it’s all going to be my fault.”

“Jesus Christ, Mickey. You’re scaring me. What the fuck happened?”

“I punch him.”

“Ian?”

“What?! No! Caleb.”

“Caleb? Who the fuck- oh shit.”

“Yeah. Oh shit.”

“How did you even meet him?”

“I was at a bar. He started hitting on me and the minute I put the pieces together I took him into the alley and beat the shit out of him.”

“You didn’t make him bleed did you?”

“Why the fuck does that matter, you on his side now?”

“No, you idiot. He’s HIV positive.”

Mickey sits up so straight he swears he can hear his spine crack. He holds his phone between his ear and shoulder as he looks down at his hands, studying them for any signs of broken skin or blood. Relief washes over him from the sight of a few bruised knuckles on his ghostly white skin.

“Mickey. Mickey!”

“I’m here. Fuck. I just, I just checked, I’m good. I had no…Ian never told me.”

Great, another lie from his husband. What else has Ian been keeping from him?

“You want to tell me why you were alone at a bar that led you to give this guy a beat down?”

“You going to tell me first if I need to worry about DCFS coming to collect my daughter.”

“You should be fine, Mick. She has been in your care for four months so even if he does file for assault, you can probably state that he came on to you and wouldn’t take no for an answer which led you to feel unsafe and you needed to protect yourself.”

“Like they’re going to believe me over him. The firefighter, Mr. Perfect, against my record.”

“He’s not perfect, Mickey. And everything on your record says who you used to be, not who you are now. Otherwise, they never would have approved you to raise Hope.”

He lets her words sink in knowing that there has to be some truth to them. Since he was released he has kept a clean record, not once broken probation, and has been raising Hope for the last four months with the state's approval. He’s changed.

“Ian got his job back as an EMT.”

“What? Mickey that’s amazing.”

His silence says enough.

“Or…it’s…not?”

He exhales. Why is he the only one that doesn’t see the positive to this?

“I guess. It’s just. I don’t know, Mands. He lied to me. The last two months he's been studying behind my back and took the fucking test without even saying a word. He didn’t even mention that his old boss offered him his job back after we got home from the hospital with Hope.”

He lets the information settle before continuing. 

“It just makes me wonder why he decided to hide it from me. Ya know. Then on top of all that, he said I can quit working if I want. Stay home with Hope and become a full-time dad and that’s just- fuck, that is something I never pictured for myself.”

“If only Terry could see you now.”

“Ha. If I’m going to be the pansy of the family might as well go all out, right?"

“Mick.”

“I know. That’s not, that’s not how I actually feel about it. I’d fuckin love spending all my time with her. She’s my world. I just don’t know what this would mean for us. For Ian and I.”

“You make it sound like this new job is the end of your relationship.”

“What if it is?” He doesn’t give his sister a chance to bite his head off before he explains. “EMT life is crazy hours, Mandy. We hardly see each other as it is. And I know Ian has done it before, working while maintaining his Bipolar but it caused him to relapse, twice.”

“You can’t hold his mental illness against him like that.”

“I’m not. Never. He deserves to work as an EMT. There is nothing he has wanted more since he tried joining the army.” Tainted memories once again fill Mickey’s mind. Days watching Ian train. The day Ian came to him telling him he was enlisting. 

“I’m just scared. What happened before Hope, that episode was minor in comparison and if it happens again...”

“There's one thing you’re forgetting though, big bro.”

He waits. No energy was left inside of him to play games.

“You’re not alone.”

A tear falls down Mickey’s cheek. Mandy’s right. He isn’t alone. He has her, he has Hope and Ian, and most of all he has the support of Ian’s family, his family. Even if they all give one another shit, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. 

“If anything happens we will help. And, if anything happens, it might not necessarily be because of Ian’s job. When he first started working as an EMT, the incident was due to his meds needing adjusting. The second time…well, he'd just lost the love of his life, for what he thought was going to be forever, and Monica. He had no one to turn to that could understand what he was going through and so he went off his meds to take away the pain. You can’t tell me that you’re scared of that happening again when one of those situations is out of his control and the other is never going to happen again.”

Deep down a part of Mickey already knew this, but he needed to hear it from someone that wasn’t Ian or himself. 

“And what about me? I’m just supposed to sit at home, wait on him hand and foot.”

“How is that any different from what you do now?”

“Bitch, shut up.”

They both chuckle. The insult easing them into familiar territory than the over-emotional sharing they are still getting used to. 

“What I do now is because I want to, not because I have to.”

“And you still don’t have to. For the first time in your life, you can do whatever you want, Mickey. No Terry telling you what to do, no PO telling you where to work. You can decide what you want to do in life.”

The sun is setting, the air finally cooling down around him.

“Thanks, sis.”

“Always. Tell my niece I love her and hopefully I can get permission to come and visit soon.”

“Little under a year left and you’re free of your PO.”

“I’m counting down the days.”

Wiping his face, Mickey smiles, says goodbye, and hangs up the phone. He has a string of text messages from Ian asking where he is, if he is okay, whether or not he was coming home. He doesn’t reply. Instead, he stands, takes one final deep breath, and makes his way back home to face the music. 

Mickey walks through their door, the apartment quiet with Ian sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand. 

“You didn’t answer my calls” Ian’s voice is monotone.

Mickey ignores him, walking to the fridge to collect that beer he supposably left the house to buy. He takes a bottle out, pleased to see he has five more left in case he needs them.

“Was on the phone.”

“To who?”

Mickey takes a chug of his beer, ignoring the question 

“Could have at least replied to my messages. Let me know you were okay.”

Mickey walks over to the couch opposite Ian and sits. The light from the lamp illuminates Mickey’s features, causing Ian to cast his eyes on his husband's body, noticing the bruises that are forming on Mickey’s knuckles.

“Jesus, Mickey. What happened?”

“Ran into your ex.”

Ian sits up, alert and concerned.

“Which one?”

Mickey scoffs. “Yeah, exactly. Which one. Don’t see any of my ex’s running around for you to bump into.”

“You know none of them meant anything to me.”

“Do I?”

Ian is taken aback by Mickey’s comment.

“Because as of a few hours ago, I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“You never told me Caleb was HIV positive.” Mickey raises his eyebrows, watching as Ian opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water.

“So you hide from me the fact that you were offered your old job back. You hid from me the fact that you were studying. You hid from him that one of your exes could have given you fucking aids.”

“Mickey.”

“Were you safe?”

“The fuck?”

“We never use protection. When we were young we were being idiots about it. But after that, we didn't bother because we trusted each other. I trusted you.”

“You saying you don’t trust me anymore?.”

“Just answer the fucking question.”

“YES! Yes, we were safe,” Ian waits a moment, sighing before he keeps going with his confessions. “because he made sure we were.”

“Right. So you would have fucked him raw if he hadn’t stopped you?” Mickey hates that his mind is putting images in his head.

Mickey stands up, processing the new information that he thought was in the past and put to rest. 

“Look, I got tested while I was with him. I had to relive my whole sexual history while I was a teenager, while I was manic, and honestly, I’m lucky everything came back clean after the stupid shit I did.”

Mickey thumbs his nose, the sight of his knuckles catching his eyes.

Ian decides to turn the tables back onto Mickey to lessen the heat on himself. “Who told you about Caleb?”

“Mandy.”

“Why?”

“Because I called her after I beat the shit out of him, okay.” 

They’re now looking directly at one another.

“I went to a bar to drown out all the noise in my head and he walks up to me, all cocky and shit, acting like he can be my dirty little secret. The minute I worked out who he was, I lured him into the alley and gave him what he deserved for how he treated you.”

Ian hates that even though he’s pissed, his chest still fills with warmth at the thought that Mickey will always put Ian’s well-being first. Ian told him everything Caleb had done. How he used Ian to get back at his parents and the things Caleb said to him about his sexuality. So Ian shouldn't be surprised when Mickey finally got the chance, he came to Ian’s defense with zero hesitation.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“No shit. And honestly, I don’t know why I did since I was just your abusive ex-boyfriend. Hmm. Is that what you told everyone to make yourself feel better? Tell em how I beat the shit out of you and then used you for a quick fuck.” 

Ian stands up, wanting to close the gap between him and Mickey.

“Don’t.” Mickey holds his hand up, not wanting Ian near him right now.

“I was adjusting, Mick. The meds had me feeling things, or not feeling and I was thinking about weird, crazy shit. I had no way of explaining our relationship to others because no one would ever be able to understand it.”

“Is that how you felt though?” Mickey lowers his voice, scared of the answer.

“Never,” Ian answers instantly, not needing any time to consider his response.

“Ignoring the fight we had that led to us having sex for the first time because honestly, I wouldn’t have expected you not to hit since I came at you with a tire iron. But the first time you actually hit me was because you were trapped. You were still dealing with what happened and I pushed too far. I was young and I had no idea how to process the fact that my boyfriend had just been raped.” Ian sees how Mickey flinches at the word, he takes a small step towards Mickey before continuing.

“The second time I was angry. I felt like I was losing who I was and in the process, losing who we were. I wanted to feel pain because it was the only thing my body was able to feel. So I pushed you until you did what I wanted you to do. The meds, the meds were taking everything away from me, including you.”

“Ian,”

“I know. I know now that nothing between us had changed and you were trying to help me. Which is why I never believed you were abusive. It was just words Caleb put into my mouth.”

“Big fucking mouth if you ask me.”

Ian gives Mickey a moment to process what he just shared with him, hoping he will take in the magnitude of every single word.

“So…you went to a bar. Caleb hit on you. You punched him a few times and now you’re home.”

Mickey looks at Ian, wondering what his point is.

“Why’d you leave, Mick?”

Mickey exhales.

“I left because I couldn’t breathe.” Mickey chugs the remainder of his beer, walking to the kitchen to discard the bottle and give himself a moment away from Ian to put his words together. 

“You walked through that door and suddenly you had our whole fucking future planned out and yet not a single part of it was discussed with me.” He heads back into the living room, not wanting to raise his voice and wake Hope.

“You said you made this decision for us, for our family, but how could that be when you didn’t consider how this affects anyone but yourself. What if I don’t want to give up working? With the hours you’re going to be rostered on for, it’ll be damn near impossible for me to find something that works around you. And even then, it leaves us right back at square one, never having the time to see one another due to opposite schedules.” Mickey is on a roll and he isn’t planning to stop until he gets it all out. “Let's not forget the added stress and pressure of being an EMT.” 

Mickey is starting to feel some anger inside of him, or perhaps its frustration. Either way, he uses those emotions to speak his truth. 

"Did you forget that I’ve been working my ass off to make sure you have a routine? I’ve been working extra nights or longer hours so you can rest, and now, now you’re throwing that all away. Acting like it was no big deal.”

The words hit Ian and he deflates. How could he be so selfish? This whole time he was looking at his new job as a way for their lives to get back to how things used to be for him and Mickey, a chance to wake up in the morning and actually look forward to going to work. But Mickey’s right. Since the arrival of Hope, Mickey has done nothing but push himself to make sure Ian wasn’t overworking himself. Making sure he got enough sleep and had a steady routine so he didn’t have another episode. Yet, within a blink of an eye, Ian had forgotten all of it because he saw being an EMT as the answer they were looking for. 

He knew from the past that the hours he’ll be required to work will be a bit of a shock to his system, which is why he was really hoping that Sue would be a little lenient about him taking on nightshifts. But he suddenly understands why the news is hitting Mickey harder than he thought it would.

“You did this, Ian. You made this choice and honestly, as much as the lying hurt me, the fact that it made me feel like you didn’t trust me is what hurts the most.”

“Mickey, wait. How the hell could you think that I don’t trust you? I trust you with my life.”

“Maybe with your life, but not with your heart. Everything I’ve found out today about your life is things that impact you, and considering I’m your husband, I was the last fucking person to know. The job offer. The test. Caleb being HIV positive - which you might not think is a big deal since he’s in the past, but it felt like a pretty big fucking deal when I was panicking on a park bench, worried that I had his blood on my hands.”

“You’re right. You’re so fucking right that nothing I could say would even begin to justify why I acted the way I did.” Ian leans against the back of the couch, defeated and hating how he has made his husband feel. 

“All I can offer as an explanation is that I wanted to see for myself if I still had what it takes. That’s why I didn’t tell you. If I had failed the test, then I knew I could let it go, forever. But if we had discussed it, agreed that I should go for it and make all these plans for our life together, for our future. Then all of that would have fallen on me if I didn’t succeed. I would have been the one to let you down. Let our family down. And I promised myself that I would never do that to you ever again.” 

Mickey lets the words sink in. 

“If that’s how you feel, then I guess I haven’t done enough over the last ten years to prove to you that nothing you could do could ever disappoint me. We were meant to be in this together. You and me, and now Hope.” He wipes a tear from his face, not from sadness but from exhaustion. He’s tired. Tired of this fight and tired of feeling like he's never enough. 

“I’m tired. I’m going to bed. You can sleep on the couch tonight.” Walking away from his husband, he’s surprised at himself for kicking Ian out of their bed. Not once have they ever slept separately unless they were forced to. They sleep better together, but tonight, Mickey just needed that extra space between them. 

With the bedroom door closed, Ian’s still standing in the same place, frozen at Mickey’s instructions to sleep in the living room. He watches the door, waiting, hoping that Mickey will change his mind by opening their bedroom door and allow Ian to hold him tight while he whispers to Mickey how much he loves him, and tell him how much he values everything he does for not only him but for their daughter too. But the light under the bedroom door turns off and Ian is left standing alone in their living room wondering how he could let it get this far. 

The next morning neither Mickey nor Ian felt like they've had a wink of sleep. It wasn’t just the fact that they were sleeping apart when they didn’t need to be, unlike the times one of them worked nightshift and they had to adjust to sleeping alone. No. This time they were sleeping apart because Mickey chose for them be sleep separately. It kept Mickey awake knowing for the first time in his life he couldn’t stand to have his husband, his soulmate, and his best friend sleeping beside him. Meanwhile, Ian was tossing and turning on the fold-out couch, playing back every word his husband spoke as he tried to put himself in Mickey’s position, understanding why he was so hurt from Ian’s actions, both past, and present. 

Hope begins to stir awake, giving Mickey a chance to get up and have something to distract his thoughts. He walks over to the bassinet which was still on Ian’s side of the bed and smiles down at his ray of sunshine. 

“Ready for a day of fun, gorgeous girl?” Placing a hand under her neck and the other under her waist, he lifts her from the bassinet and brings her to his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.

“You slept so well last night. Daddy only had to get up once to make you a bottle.” At four months old, Hope was now stretching out her nighttime feeds, allowing her to sleep longer lengths of time. He wasn’t sure if Ian had been asleep or was just choosing to ignore Mickey, but no contact was made when he snuck out of the bedroom at 2am to make a warm bottle for their daughter to drink. 

However, it was now inevitable and Mickey had to step out of their bedroom to change Hope and make her breakfast. He takes a deep breath, cursing himself for being a pussy about facing his own husband, and steps into the living room. He focuses on his path to the nursery, speaking soft words of praise towards Hope so he's distracted from looking in Ian’s direction. He closes her door behind him, giving him the privacy he needs to be alone with his strawberries and cream. 

“What should we do today my little munchkin? Should we go to the pond and feed the ducks?” He quacks at her and she giggles. He continues to do so as he changes her into a pair of beige stockings to protect her from the cool Fall air, a knitted dress with long sleeves, and then makes his way back out where it's neutral territory.

The smell of bacon hit Mickey’s nose. He looks towards the kitchen and finds Ian making breakfast, a bottle sitting near the edge of the kitchen island ready for Hope, and Mickey's relieved to see Ian’s back is turned towards him as he makes his way over to collect the bottle. He waits a moment, needing to find the courage to speak first. He never did like fighting with Ian. 

“Smells good.” He keeps his eyes on Hope, casting them to the side here and there to see if Ian reacts to his comment.

“I figured if I can’t sleep. I might as well cook.” Ian turns around, scooping scrambled eggs and bacon onto a plate for himself and Mickey. The toaster pops just in time, the sound filling the silence as Ian picks the toast up, juggling the pieces in his hands as the bread burns his fingertips. 

Mickey lays Hope in the rocker that’s perched on the counter so he can hold the bottle for her with his left hand while he eats with his right. 

“She slept well last night.”

“Yeah. Only had to get up once.”

“I heard…” 

The small talk is awkward. They both hate it but the only safe topic of discussion they have is Hope.

“Thought you may have been asleep.”

“Couldn’t sleep. Not without you beside me… and not after the way we ended the argument.” Ian keeps his head down, his eyes on his food. 

“…I couldn’t sleep either. Kinda hate how much I need your freckly ass beside me to fall asleep.”

“Don’t lie, you love my ass, freckles and all.”

They both begin to chuckle and it's the first sign of the tension between them clearing. 

“I was thinking about taking Hope down to the pond to feed the ducks today. You know how obsessed she is with animals at the moment. Figured it’s best to do it before the weather starts to turn.” Mickey hated that their whole Saturday was wasted arguing, knowing how precious their time over the weekend is and how they want to spend that time together as a family.

“That sounds great. But, ah, I-I have to go down to the station. Fill out some paperwork and pick up my uniform”

Mickey drops his fork onto the plate. His appetite is gone and the delicious taste of the food in his mouth turns to ash. 

“So, this was a breakfast made out of guilt? Your way of apologising for having to skip out on today?”

“That’s not it, Mick.”

“Whatever. Do what you got to do. Hope and I have to get used to doing things alone anyway.” Mickey pushes back on his stool, hearing the scrape against their floor as he takes Hope out of the rocker, pleased to see she is finished her bottle. Mickey makes his way towards the bedroom, patting Hope softly on the back when Ian’s words stop him in his track.

“Is this what it’s always going to be like? I go off to work feeling like the bad guy only for you to ignore me when I’m home.” 

Mickey exhales. He keeps his back to Ian, knowing if he turns around he’d see that sad puppy dog look on his face that breaks a part of Mickey every time he sees it. 

“I don’t know. I wish I could say no, but I can’t lie to you. Right now, all I can tell you is that I love you.” With that, Mickey closes the bedroom door, leaving him alone with his daughter. 

At the park, Mickey tries to ignore the dagger threatening to push into his chest as his mind continues to replay the disappointment he felt when he walked out of their bedroom to find Ian had left without saying goodbye. Instead, he focuses on his daughter. He keeps his eyes glued to her beautiful red hair under the light grey beanie with a fluffy pompom on top as she sits on the edge of the pond, Mickey holding her so she doesn’t topple over to the side as she claps her hands at the ducks bobbing under the water to eat, their feet flapping in the air until they bring themselves surface side up.

“What sound does a duck make, Hope?”

She drools, the signs of teething starting to set in, then giggles when the ducks begin to quack at one another, fighting over the bread being thrown in by other kids and their parents. 

“If only watching a duck eat bread could keep them this entertained as they got older.” 

Mickey looks up. He’s squatting down on the ground, giving the guy beside him a larger height difference than he normally would have had he just been standing beside him.

“My youngest, I can still get away with it. A good thirty minutes can be wasted with her watching them swim around while I answer some phone calls or work emails. But my eldest, two minutes and he’s ready to go somewhere that involves seeing something crash or get blown up.”

For a second, Mickey considers getting a massive skull tattoo on his neck with blood dripping from the eye sockets so he can enjoy a moment with his daughter without some parent trying to make small talk with him. But right now, with how he’s feeling, talking about his daughter with another parent is all he has available to him that will help prevent him from breaking down. He stands up, his legs locking in on either side of Hope so she is still held upright while he makes himself feel more like an adult standing beside this guy. 

“I mean, watching something get blown up does seem more entertaining, but if she’s happy with ducks, then I can live with that.”

The guy chuckles. He pulls his hand out from his jean pocket, offering it to Mickey.

“I’m Jason.”

“Mickey.” He reminds himself not to squeeze too tight. Jason isn’t a threat, yet. 

“That’s Elle and Lucas.” He points to two kids on the other side of the pond. Elle looks around three years old as she stands in the pond in her yellow gumboots, trying to entice a duck to swim towards her. Lucas seems more around Franny’s age, throwing sticks into the air while trying to dodge them as they fall back down to the ground. Mickey nods, trying to show interest.

“This is Hope.” Just saying her name makes him smile, something he really needed. 

“The best age. Right before they can run off on you and start to talk back.”

He doesn’t understand why people feel the need to complain about the work that’s involved as a child gets older, making it seem as though they want to skip the whole process of watching their child grow up. Personally, Mickey can’t wait for the day Hope can run into his arms, or squeal while he chases her around the apartment. He looks forward to the day she says Daddy and can actually voice what she needs so that Mickey can get it for her. 

“I’m just here with the Dads group.”

“Dads group?” Mickey cocks an eyebrow, wondering if he had ever heard of something so lame before. 

“Yeah. If mums can have a group then why can’t we? Gives us dads a chance to exchange war stories about having to stay up late while we get no sleep and get pissed on. This group is a no-judgment zone for all your screw-ups and, if I’m being honest.. taking the kids for an hour or two basically just means that you’ll come home to a happy wife who’ll reward you for the break if you know what I mean.” The guy gives Mickey a sleazily winks. For a second, Mickey wonders if the dads in this so-called group actually enjoy being parents.

“Jason. You coming, man? The kids need food.” Jason holds his hand up to some guy with a buzzcut in a pair of khaki pants to let him know he was heard. 

“Better go. We always finish off with pizza before we split. Anyway, if you ever want some company, give me a call. There’s about six of us but can never have too many dads banning together.” Jason hand’s Mickey a business card with his personal number and email on it. 

“Keen eye?” Mickey questions the name on the card.

“Oh, yeah. I’m an art dealer.”

“Jason. Come on man.”

“Shit. Anyway, nice to meet you, Mickey. Hopefully, I’ll see you again.”

Mickey watches him jog over to his kids, scooping them up in his arms as they laugh and squirm, making his way over to the other dads he was spending his Sunday morning with.  As they leave from his sight, Mickey eyes the business card and shoves it into his back pocket, not sure if he wants to completely pass on the idea of joining Dads group.

The elevator doors open and Mickey spots a package leaning again their apartment door which means Ian still hasn’t returned from the station. Mickey tries not to let it get to him as he pushes the stroller forward, collecting the package which feels like clothes of some sort, and then unlocks their apartment door. Hope had fallen asleep on the walk home after he gave her a bottle in the park. He considered to continue walking with no destination in mind, but the wind was picking up and he didn’t want to risk Hope getting a cold, even though she was rugged up all warm and cozy in the carrier. 

Quietly closing the door behind him, Mickey leaves Hope to sleep in the stroller, not wanting to lift her up and disturb her. He heads into the kitchen to grab himself some lunch. There’s leftover Chinese that Mickey doesn’t remember ordering. He wonders if Ian brought it when Mickey went for his walk yesterday, only to never return in time to eat it. He pulls it out, noticing it's full, only to open it to find it’s Mickey’s favourite, Singapore noodles with chicken. 

He digs in, loving how the flavour is so much better the next day. Mickey figures it’s due to all the bacteria forming together to trick the body into eating something it thinks tastes amazing before it attacks with food poisoning. He shoves a second forkful into his mouth before the first is swallowed, making his way over to the package he threw on the couch as he walked in.

He notices Mandy’s return address on the back. Not sure what she has sent, he decides to rip it open and tip the contents out onto the couch. His eyes land on the clothing and he straight away grabs his phone to FaceTime his sister. The call connects and Mickey begins to talk.

“Bitch, in what universe do you think I would ever be caught dead in this?”

Mickey holds up the hoodie, reading the words printed across the stomach.

“Come on, Mick. It’s Hope’s first Halloween and you only have so many years of matching daddy-daughter costumes before she refuses to wear the same outfit as her dorky Dad.”

“Please. The only dork in this family is you, and maybe Lip.”

Mickey hadn’t even thought about Halloween. It was two days away. They had seen the streets littered with decorations and candy discounted in the stores to make people buy it in bulk, but considering Hope’s age, he wasn’t planning on making a big deal about it.

“I got one for Ian too. I know how much he loves the holidays, which is why I was surprised that he hadn’t been blowing up my phone with costume ideas for you to wear.”

Maybe because his mind had been elsewhere the last two months. Mickey sees the gears click as Mandy puts all the pieces together.

“Right. The studying…sorry.”

“It’s fine. At least we have something in case we do decide to go out. Though secretly I’m hoping this argument is enough to make him forget the holiday altogether and we can just pretend Halloween never happened this year.”

“I’m sure the decorations will throw him off.”

“He’s seen the store decorations. I was surprised myself when he didn’t say anything but now it all makes sense. He was too wrapped up in his head to register what month it was.”

Mandy gives Mickey a small smile. 

“I wish I could be there for you.”

“Yeah…me too.”

Mickey hasn’t asked, but he does wonder if Mandy will consider moving back once her probation is over, or if she’ll continue the life she has built for herself where she is. The sound of the door unlocking grabs Mickey’s attention, knowing full well the only person walking through that door would be Ian.

“Better go. Ian’s home.”

“Send me photos. I want to see her in the outfit.”

“Sure.” And just like that, he hangs up. 

“Hey, you’re home. I was going to message you and see if I could meet you at the park.”

“Hope was getting hungry and was due for a nap, so we came back.” He throws a pillow over the outfit to hide it from Ian.

“Well, maybe we could go tomorrow after her vaccines. Might make her feel better.”

“You don’t have work?” Mickey regrets saying the words with such venom.

“No. After last time, Sue offered to let me have the day off to be with her, just in case she has another reaction.” Ian can see the concern on Mickey’s face.

“Which she won’t. This time she’ll be at the hospital, not the clinic, and the doctors will monitor her the whole time. I know she’ll be okay.

Mickey simply nods. He has to believe what Ian is saying is true because he can’t let the panic begin to rise inside of him. 

“You hungry? I was about to make some food.”

“Sure, but, don’t eat big. I thought maybe we could go out for dinner tonight.”

“I guess.” Mickey struggles, his back is to Ian as he makes his way towards the kitchen. He's still uneasy about what happened and how they left things, but he can appreciate the effort Ian is trying to make to set it right.

“Just, you and me, Mick.”

He freezes from opening the refrigerator door.

“Like a date?”

“Well, you’re my husband, so more like date night. I called Debbie and since she owed us, she is locked in to babysit Hope.” 

Mickey turns towards their daughter who’s sleeping peacefully in the carrier. They’ve never left Hope alone with anyone before and the thought unsettles him.

“It would only be for a couple of hours and she’ll most likely be sleeping while we’re gone.” Ian takes a step closer towards his husband, his hands resting gently on Mickey’s hips.

“I think it’ll be good for us.” 

Taking a deep breath, Mickey nods in agreement. Ian’s right. They haven’t had a night out alone together since Hope was born and after the shit show over the last twenty-four hours, they need it now more than ever. Mickey sees the smile appear on his husband's face, shutting his eyes as Ian leans in and plants a kiss on his forehead. 

“Great. I’ll come pick you up at seven.”

“What?”

“Oh, I’m going to woo the pants off of you tonight Mickey Gallagher.”

“You better, it’s been too long since these pants have been taken off.”

Ian winks. He takes his uniform which he had dropped onto the couch and goes to hang it in their bedroom. When he returns, he has some clothes in his hand and a smile of pure excitement on his face. 

“I’m going to get dressed at Debbie’s, make sure you’re ready by seven.”

“That’s like, six hours away. You can’t hang around here for a little while first?”

“Nope. Things to plan and organise.”

Before he rushes out the door, Ian gives Mickey a quick kiss on the lips, aware that tension between them may still be too strong for anything more passionate. He pulls back, smiles, and exits the door. 

Once again Mickey is standing alone in their apartment. The door closing shut startles Hope awake, her cries alerting Mickey as he makes his way over to her, lifting her out of the carrier and onto the playmat to settle her down. 

Why the fuck was he feeling nervous? This is just another night out with his husband, who he has been with for eleven years. And yet here he stands in front of their bathroom mirror wearing the fourth shirt he has tried on. In the end, he decides to go with a well-fitted Henley and his denim jacket, along with his black skinny leg jeans which were the only ones that were clean, so he’s hoping Ian isn’t taking him anywhere that will frown upon the rips in the knees. He runs his hand through his hair one more time before cursing himself for ruining the look he spent thirty minutes perfecting. 

At a quarter to seven, the intercom buzzes. Mickey feels his hands begin to sweat as he makes his way over to answer it, Hope enjoying the taste of her shark teddy as she shoves the tail in her mouth.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, Mickey. It’s Debs.”

He buzzes her up without answering, a little sad that it wasn’t Ian at the door, only to remember Ian doesn’t need to be buzzed in since he has a key. He stands at the door, holding it open as he watches Hope roll from her back to her stomach, and then back again. Ever since that day she went from her belly to her back, she hadn’t done it again until last week. Now she happily rolls to get herself to whichever toy she is in the mood to play with, no matter how far away it is.

“Uncle Mickey!” Franny’s voice breaks him out of his concentration as he feels the wind get knocked out of him.

“Jesus, kid. How big are you getting?” He hunches over, giving her a hug as she clings onto his waist.

“Let go, Franny. Don’t want to crinkle Mickey’s clothes before his big date.”

Mickey looks at Debbie and cocks an eyebrow. “Big date?” She smirks and lets herself into the apartment, making her way over to Hope who is babbling with excitement to see her cousin and aunty.

“So her bottles are premade, you just need to warm them. Bath time is around 9.30pm and then you can put her to bed in the bassinet in our room. I laid the clothes out you can dress her in, they’re on the rocking chair and, oh, do you know how to swaddle?”

“Mickey. Breathe. This isn’t my first time taking care of a baby.”

“No offense, but things are a little different with Hope compared to how you raised Franny.”

“I’m going to ignore that since you’re stressed about leaving her for the first time but it’s only for a few hours, so just, go have fun.” 

The knock on the door causes Mickey to jump. He suddenly feels queasy and wonders if he should just cancel altogether. He walks over, ready to tell Ian he isn’t in the mood when he opens the door and his heart stops. Ian is standing at the door in black jeans, a maroon button-up, and a leather jacket. Mickey has to pick his mouth up off the floor and wipe away the drool as he looks his husband up and down. No matter how much time passes, Mickey will always claim Ian Gallagher as the sexiest man on earth.

“Fuck me.”

“Maybe later, first I thought we could go eat.” Ian gives his husband a wink. “Ready to go?”

“Um, yeah. Let me just grab my phone.” As he heads to the bedroom, Ian walks in to give his daughter a kiss on the forehead, whispering words of praise as he hopes she has a good night with her aunty. He passes her back to his sister, standing as Mickey walks out of their bedroom. Ian holds out his hand, pleased to see Mickey takes it as he tries to remember the last time they had held hands. 

“We'll message you when we’re on our way home, Debs.”

“Take your time.”

Closing the door, Ian stops which catches Mickey off guard. 

“You look great by the way.”

“Whatever man, nothing you haven’t seen me in before.” Mickey still finds it difficult to take a compliment, even from Ian.

“Maybe so. Honestly, you could be in a pair of boxers with baby vomit on your tank top and you’d still look amazing. But this, this outfit will make heads turn and that ring on your finger lets them know that all they can do is look.”

With a slight blush appearing on his cheeks, Mickey looks down at their hand, and he loves the way Ian’s fingers are playing with the silver weddings bands on his ring finger. Ian gently pulls at his arm, signaling for him to follow as they take the elevator and make their way down to their car which is parked out front. 

“Patsy’s? Really? We have the night to ourselves and this is where you take me?”

“Hey, this place serves your favourite burger. And on short notice, a lot of the good places were booked up.”

“McDonald's would have been better than this place.”

“Hey, we can go somewhere else if you want.” Ian can see a small ounce of disappointment in Mickey's eyes.

“It’s fine. We got to eat.” Mickey gets out of the car, feeling a little stupid for how dressed up he is for dinner at Patsy’ Pies, but then he remembers Ian's outfit is just as classy, if not more. He realises that no matter where they eat, it’s the company that makes it special. 

Ian opens the door for Mickey to step inside, and the first thing Mickey notices is a table in the middle of the diner with a reserved sign on it and a vase with blue Stargazer Lilies. He turns around, the smug smile on Ian’s face is enough to make Mickey chuckle at his dorky husband. 

“After you.” Ian holds his hand out, gesturing for him to take a seat in the booth, the same booth that Ian proposed to him in all those years ago. Mickey sits down, his arms casually resting on the table as he settles in.

“Forgot how much of a romantic you are.” Mickey picks up the menu, noticing that it's a personalised printout.

“Franny may have helped me with the menu. She’s been playing around on Debbie’s phone and said she was able to make us something. I then got them printed and dropped them off here before picking you up.”

Mickey’s eyes haven’t moved. Not only does Ian know his order down to a tee, but the fact that he went through with the extra effort to make sure all these options were available for him tonight made his heart flutter.

“I’m sorry you’ve forgotten.”

Mickey cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“That I’m a romantic. It's my fault if you forgot because it means I haven’t taken the time lately to show you how much you mean to me.”

“We've been too busy for romance, Ian.”

Garlic bread gets placed down on the table along with two strawberry milkshakes. 

“I promised to show you every day just how much I love you. That means doing all the romantic shit that you say you hate but I know you secretly love, so that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna make sure that there is never a day that goes by where you have to wonder just how much you fucking mean to me.”

Mickey thumbs his nose. “Secretly love, hey.”

Ian gives his husband a wink, placing his hand in the middle of the table, waiting for Mickey to accept it.

“We got distracted. With the adoption, and Hope, and then finding our routine. It’s time to be Ian and Mickey again…with Hope of course.” 

Mickey puts his hand in Ian’s, the same way he did back when he agreed to marry him. The second their hands touch Mickey feels the electricity cause through his body, and with that feeling, he decides to let everything go. The lying, the new job, the lack of trust, Caleb. He drops it all because he loves Ian and he knows, no matter how much of an idiot Ian can be and how much his husband had hurt him, none of it was intentional. He doesn’t have the words to reply, simply giving Ian’s hand a squeeze to let him know he likes the idea of getting back to being them. 

With his spare hand, Mickey takes a piece of garlic bread, always loving the extra butter they put on it here at Patsy’s and closes his eyes as he enjoys the taste. By the time he grabs a second piece, their burgers are being placed down in front of them. 

Reluctantly, Mickey lets go of Ian’s hand, needing both of them to pick up his burger as he shoves it in his mouth with no grace whatsoever. He moans, catching the way Ian sits up a little straighter as the sound falls from his lips.

“Fuck, I’ve missed that sound coming from you.” 

“Play your cards right and you’ll hear it tonight.”

“Personalised dinner where I proposed isn’t special enough for you?”

“It’s a start.” Mickey winks as he takes another bite, purposely moaning a little louder this time. 

“Tease.” Ian takes a bite of his own burger, watching the cocky smirk appear on his husband's face. 

Mickey swallows, then takes a few sips of his drink. The strawberry flavour igniting his senses. 

“Jesus. That girl has me wrapped around her little finger. One taste of strawberries and it instantly makes me think of Hope.” He swirls the straw around in his glass. “I mean, it’s been just over an hour and I already miss her so much.” He takes another sip, the smell hitting his nostrils and taking him back to the smell of their daughter's beautiful red hair. Sweet, bright, and constantly reminding him of strawberries. He is such a sap.

“I know what you mean. Just when I thought my heart was so full of love that it couldn’t take any more, she comes into our lives and suddenly I have all the room in the world to fit her in.” Ian uses a spoon to scoop some of the ice cream out of his drink.

They both sit in silence for a moment as they stare at their drinks like two lovesick dorks, everyone else around them unaware that it was their daughter who had caused that look to appear on their faces.

“So, where’d the leather jacket come from?” Mickey is a little sad to know this is the first time he has seen it on his husband. A look he should have been a witness to many years ago.

“Found it at the house. Haven’t worn it in a while. Surprised it still fits.”

“Looks good on you…wish you had worn it sooner” Mickey takes another bite of his burger, letting the sexual tension build between them.

They finish their burgers in silence. As their plates are collected and dessert is placed in front of them, Mickey questions why there is only one slice of apple pie.

“You ain’t eating? You know I don’t share my pie.”

“I know. I’m getting my dessert later.” Ian smirks, enjoying the last sips of his drink as Mickey pulls the plate towards himself and enjoys the sweet apple goodness.

“You want to let Debs know we’re almost finished?”

“This isn’t the end of the date, Mick.”

Mickey takes another bit, not bothering to swallow before talking.

“It’s not?”

Ian simply shakes his head no. He pulls some cash out and leaves it on the table, not bothering to ask for the cheque. Scooping the remainder of the pie off the plate and shoving it into his mouth, Mickey puts the fork down onto his plate, following Ian’s lead as he stands to leave. Ian once again holds out his hand for Mickey to take, pleased to see Mickey smile as he accepts it. With his free hand, Ian takes the lilies from the vase and begins to lead them out of the diner

“Thanks for the help ladies. Have a good night.” He lets go of Mickey’s hand long enough to open the door for him, watching his husband's ass as he sashays out of the diner. Ian is so thankful Mickey decided to wear those jeans tonight.

Back outside, he hands the flowers over to Mickey who rolls his eyes as he accepts them.

“Really?” 

“It would be rude to ask you out on a date and not bring you flowers.”

Mickey chuckles. “How did I fall in love with such a dork?”

“I’m not sure, but I thank the gay gods every day.” He leans in, capturing Mickey's lips on his, the sweet flavour of strawberries and apple still lingering on his lips.  As they deepen the kiss, the flavours intensify, and Ian knows he is going to have trouble pulling away. 

The sudden bright lights from a car driving past brings them back to reality, reminding them that fucking in public now has more risk than it is worth.

“Get it the car. It’s time to go to our next stop.” 

Mickey obeys, interested to see what Ian has planned next.

If Mickey knew this date was going to be a trip down memory lane, he never would have expected this to be one of the places Ian chose to take them. As he gets out of the car, looking up at the old abandon building where Mickey spent countless nights drinking alone, shooting targets, or, on the rare occasion, bringing Ian to spend some alone time with him, it hits Mickey just how far they have come since they were those two teenagers in the South Side.

“Jesus, surprised this place is still standing.”

“Honestly, when I drove past, so was I.” Ian looks at his husband. “Come on.” Ian runs off, not giving Mickey a moment to register what is happening as he gives himself a decent head start.

“Oh, that’s how you wanna play?” Mickey sprints off after Ian, darting through the broken fence before making his way up the cement stairs. As he reaches out, his fingers brush against him just enough to think he has him before Ian leaps out of his arms and bolts ahead. Mickey gets to the top, out of breath and wishing they had brought something to drink with them when he locks eyes on the sight before him. A large blanket is laid out on the floor, but it's thicker than most, based on the way it looks like a fluffy cloud. There is a cooler filled with ice and stocked with beer and soda, and the sky is clear enough to offer the night stars as their light.

“Such a sap.” Mickey walks towards Ian. The coy smile on his face lets Mickey know he is proud of what he has accomplished here tonight. Ian takes a beer from the cooler, passing it to Mickey who happily accepts it. He cracks it open and drinks, fully aware that he isn’t seventeen anymore as his lungs ache for more oxygen after running up the stairs.

Ian sits on the basket, his legs crossed which looks uncomfortable considering how long Ian’s legs are, and Mickey takes a seat beside him, one knee up to rest his arm on it as he slowly sips his beer. 

“You know I dreamt of doing something like this for us when we were younger. Back when we were just, I don’t know, fucking around I guess.”

“You mean back when I loved you but I was too chicken shit to say or do anything about it?”

“You loved me that early?”

“I mean, I don’t think I really knew what love was until you left for the army.” Mickey scratches at the label on his beer bottle. “The pain from losing you. From hurting you. That only comes from loving someone.”

Ian doesn’t want to have to think about that part of their past. About all the pain they both went through. Not tonight. Not ever again. He pushes himself onto his knees, the extra height it gives him causing Mickey to look up as they lock eyes. Ian puts his hand on Mickey’s cheek, his thumb gently stroking it.

“I’m sorry about what happened back then, but I’m not sorry about where it led us.” He takes a moment before address the recent argument that had put them on edge the last few days. “I should have told you the whole truth about Caleb, but I hated how much it pained you to know I was with someone else after leaving you in prison.”

Mickey breaks eye contact, looking down at the bottle as he places it on the ground beside him.

“I never loved him. I thought he made me happy, but he didn’t. He was a distraction from my family who were breathing down my neck about taking my meds and adamant that I find a job. And honestly, I would have probably ended up shaking my ass for a bunch of old guys back at the clubs if it weren’t for Caleb.” Ian can feel Mickey tense under his touch.

“Hey. Don’t. Don’t think about them. I’m telling you this because I need you to remember that what we had...what we have, nothing and no one can ever compare.”

“I don’t know what I hate more. That these guys got to be with you while I was locked up missing you like crazy, or that they hurt you. But seeing that smug asshole yesterday, acting like everyone wanted to be with him, I just, I couldn’t help but picture you guys. And then when Mandy told me…”

“I got tested when I was with him,” Ian repeats what he said in their apartment to help settle Mickey's mind.

“He told me he was positive, and after all the shit I had done, I knew I should get myself tested. Then when I caught him cheating, I got tested again just to be sure. And then came…”

“The boyfriend,” Mickey says the word with monotone.

“We used protection. Then I was with you and when I got back… they tested me before I went to prison so to answer your question, I’m clean. We’re clean, and I’m sorry that you were told that bit of information yesterday, out of the blue by someone that wasn’t me.”

“So why are you telling me this now?”

Ian puts both hands on Mickey’s cheeks.

“Because I hate keeping secrets from you. I never could. Caleb and Trevor, I never spoke about them because I wanted them to be a secret, but because I knew it would upset you, and they were in my past. You were my future. And every single day since I got the call from Sue, I wanted to tell you about the EMT job. I did, but I was just-”

“Scared. I know.”

Mickey was tired of talking. By this point, they were going around in circles. He had the right to be upset, to be hurt, but now it’s time to move past it. They’ve said all they can say and he doesn’t want to keep walking on eggshells around Ian. He leans forward, pressing his lips into Ian’s so they could continue what they started out the front of Patsy’s. He too positions himself on his knees, putting them at equal height as he places a hand on Ian’s neck, the other on his waist. 

“Fuck I’ve missed you. Missed being with you.” Mickey mumbles the words against his husband's lips. The sweet taste on Ian’s tongue causes Mickey to become more addicted than he already is. He feels Ian put more pressure on his face, trapping him between Ian’s hands so he can’t pull away. Mickey’s mind goes blank as he focuses on the way Ian’s tongue is massaging his own. The kiss deepens, taking Mickey’s breath away literally and figuratively as he pushes his own tongue back into Ian’s mouth. Suddenly, Mickey feels the hard concert against his back, the blanket softening it enough to be tolerable. 

Over the years, they have fucked in many uncomfortable places, but now they don’t need to. They have their own place with a bed, and a couch, and a kitchen island they can use whenever they want. But right this second, all Mickey wants is Ian to own him. Ian hovers over Mickey’s body, the weight of him settling Mickey as he feels the pressure of Ian’s body cover his own. 

Ian moves one of his hands from Mickey’s cheek, placing it on the ground beside his husband's face as he holds himself up. He looks into Mickey’s eyes and thinks how he could never live a day without seeing those crystal blues stare back at him. 

“Tell me what you want.” 

The words send a shiver down Mickey’s spine, and not because he is cold. He moves both hands to Ian’s waist, digging into the leather jacket to ground him.

“You. All I ever want is you.”

Mickey feels the way the words cause Ian’s dick to harden. The nine-inch bulge in his husband's pants was ready for him. 

“You have me. You’ve always had me. Even when you haven’t, all of me belonged to you, Mickey.” Ian leans back in for another kiss as he pushes his hips into Mickey. 

Mickey moves his left hand onto Ian’s ass, squeezing it tight. 

“You’ve owned my ass since you came barging into my room looking for that fucking gun.”

“That’s just because I found your prostate.” They chuckle, not letting the moment distract them from the main event.

Mickey grabs Ian’s leather jacket, pulling it off his body, indicating it’s time to stop talking. Their mouths are back on one another, clawing to get their clothes off. Ian sits up, Mickey’s legs still wrapped around his waist as he unbuttons his shirt just enough so he can pull it over his head. Mickey follows suit, getting the denim jacket and henley off his body in record time. He grabs for Ian’s belt buckle, the clinking making him harden until Ian pulls Mickey's hands away, grabbing the buckle himself as he pulls the belt completely off, the whooshing sound causing Mickey to leak in his pants. 

He unbuttons his jeans and shimming out of them before kicking them off to the side. 

“Holy fuck. You went to commando.” Ian’s mouth salivates at the sight of his naked husband naked below him.

“Figured why dirty extra clothing when I knew I wouldn’t need them.”

“Didn’t know I married a man who puts out on the first date.” The joke causes Mickey to cock an eyebrow.

“Well, you did buy me dinner first.”

Ian removes his jeans, confused why he was still wearing them, and then reaches for a bag that was sitting behind the cooler. Mickey watches as his husband pulls out a bottle of lube and a thinner blanket to cover them.

“Looks like you were the one expecting to get lucky.”

“A man must always be prepared.”

Ian drapes the blanket over his shoulders and back before leaning down to cover his husband. Mickey’s eyes wander over Ian’s body, landing on his name tattooed into Ian's hip. He reaches out and touches it. 

“It’s still a surprise to me every time I see it.”

The feel of Mickey’s fingers tracing each letter always sends a shiver through Ian’s body. Mickey’s hand moves from Ian’s hip, up his ribcage, and then curves around Ian’s back so he can pull his husband down onto his body. 

The cool Fall air doesn't bother them as their body heat gets trapped under the blanket, keeping them warm. Ian moves his lips from Mickey’s mouth and begins to nibble at his neck. The sweet spot on his collarbone that makes Mickey quiver is his first destination. As he mouths at Mickey’s neck, Ian can feel him growing hard against his groin. 

“I love how quickly I can make you hard.”

“As long as you don’t make me come that quickly then we’re good.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to take my time with you.”

“But Hope-”

“Is safe. Our phones are on loud if Debbie needs us. Just relax, Mick. This night is about making you feel good.”

As Ian’s lips connect back onto his body, Mickey closes his eyes and wills his mind to switch off, to relax, to - Mickey gasps. Ian’s tongue sucks and bits at his right nipple while his hand tweaks with his left. The sensation is electrifying. Kisses are trailed down his abdomen and the slight scruff on Ian’s face burns his skin in all the right ways. Ian gently gnaws on his hip bone until Mickey feels Ian’s tongue lap at the tip of his dick.

“Holy fuck,” Mickey bucks his hips, his body searching for more.

“Easy, baby. I’m going to take my time with you.” 

Mickey wines as Ian’s tongue teases his tip, playing with the slit as his giant hand wraps around his dick. 

“Fuck, I love how you taste.” Ian’s tongue circles around the head before he swallows Mickey down in one swift motion. The stretch of his lips is a burn he has missed, loving the feeling of choking on his husband's dick. 

“Fuck, yes.” Mickey grabs onto Ian’s hair. He pulls at the silky red locks as he allows Ian the chance to take in some air before he pushes him back down till his dick is touching the back of Ian’s throat. Mickey closes his thighs to traps Ian’s head between his legs, enjoying the feel of the beard burn from Ian going up and down like a pogo stick. 

“Ian, I’m close.” The words don’t cause Ian to slow down. He can feel Ian hollow in his cheeks and hum around his dick. It’s not helping Mickey from exploding. 

“Ian, Ian I’m-” Ian pulls off completely and the shock of the cold hair hitting his wet dick makes Mickey gasp. His orgasm is shot down and the build-up settles. 

“Not yet.” 

Ian wraps his arms around each of Mickey’s thick thighs, holding them up as he bends down towards his husband's ass. The way Mickey’s hole winks at him, begging to be taken makes Ian drip. He licks up, not stopping until his tongue arrives at Mickey’s balls where he sucks one at a time into his mouth, making herself look like a chipmunk. He hums before letting them go, feeling his husband shake beneath him.

“Do you remember the first time I ate you out, Mickey?”

“Hard to forget. I blew my load within a minute.”

Ian chuckles at the memory of them in the dugouts. He didn’t even ask, just went for it while Mickey was bent over for him. After the initial shock and swearing, Mickey melted under his touch, to the point where Ian came in his pants just from the sounds and taste of Mickey. Now, as he slides his tongue in and out, feeling Mickey push against him, riding it like he does his dick, Ian can feel the precum dripping out of him. He swirls his tongue, stretching Mickey open.

“Ian, fuck, Ian. I want you in me so fucking bad right now.” 

“You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes.” Mickey’s eyes are closed, enjoying the way Ian knows his body inside and out. He bites his lip as Ian laps at his ass like a man that was starving for food. 

“You want me to work your tight hole open?”

“FUCK, YES.”

In one swift move, Ian pulls on Mickey’s thighs, his body being dragged down on the blanket until his groin is in line with Ian’s. His lips are back on Mickey’s, devouring him as his hand reaches out for the lube, squirting it on his dick without breaking away from the kiss. As Ian lowers himself so there's no gap between them, his body weight pinning Mickey down, he places one hand behind Mickey’s head, the other entwining their fingers as he slowly pushing inside his husband. 

It’s not like how they’ve recently been fucking, going quick so they can get each other off before Hope wakes up. No, this is slow. Sensual. Their eyes lock onto one another as Ian pushing in slowly until he bottoms out. Ian sees the way Mickey’s mouth opens wider as he fills his husband. He stays still, not moving a muscle as Mickey adjusts, the tightness already putting Ian on edge. His tongue had worked Mickey open but not as much as his fingers would have, both of them wanting to feel Mickey stretch open from Ian's dick. He runs his long fingers through Mickey’s thick black hair, making note of every feature on his face. He’s aged, but not in a bad way. The years of being free and happy have caught up with him, giving him laugh wrinkles around his eyes and some sun freckles on his face. 

“You’re so beautiful. Everything I ever wanted in a partner I found in you.” Ian pulls out, leaving just the tip inside so Mickey doesn’t feel completely empty.

“You were my best friend. My lover. And now my husband.” He pushes back in, angling to the right where he knows Mickey’s prostate sits. He watches Mickey’s eyes close, his head tilting back as Ian hits his sweet spot. He slowly pulls back out again, leaving just the tip inside to keep Mickey satisfied.

“I love you with all my heart, Mickey. Knowing my actions hurt you over the last few days felt like lead in my chest.” He thrusts back in, slow and steady. Relishing in the soft whine that escapes Mickey’s lips.

“You deserve the world.” Ian pulls out. “You deserve happiness” He pushes back in. “You deserve to be loved.” He pulls back out again. “And I’m going to give you all these things till my last dying breath.” He pushes in and Mickey tightens his legs around Ian’s waist to lock him in place, making it so Ian was unable to pull back out. 

Mickey’s chest is heaving from the slow build-up, he brings Ian’s forehead down to lean on his own, feeling how his husband is shaking from holding on to his orgasm. 

“You’ve given me all those things, Ian. We’re always going to argue, that’s what we do. But we’ve never hidden anything from one another. Not in a really long fuckin time.”

“I know.” The words are barely a whisper.

“It’s going to be tough. Maybe even more so than us working opposite shifts. But we’ll make it work like we always do because my happiness means nothing if you’re miserable.” He pulls Ian down for a soft, tender kiss, clenching his ass so it tightens around his husband's dick, a trick he knows sends Ian wild. The moan that escapes Ian's lips is proof enough. 

“Now, instead of telling me how much you love me, why don’t you show me.” Mickey digs the heel of his foot into Ian’s ass, his fingers running through Ian’s hair, grabbing at the long strands and pulling it enough to hear a small hiss escape Ian’s lips. 

Moving his head to the crook of Mickey’s neck, Ian begins to repeatedly thrust back and forth, teasing Mickey to the point of him shaking beneath him. Ian changes tactics as he surprises Mickey with a fast thrust that slams directly into his prostate, sweat dripping down their bodies from the slow intense build-up that has left them both begging for a release. The friction from Ian’s chest hair on Mickey’s dick is enough stimulation to have him leaking precum, sticking them both together like glue. 

“Fuck, Mickey. I never want this to stop. It feels so fucking good. The way your tight ass squeezes around me, trying to milk me dry.” Ian raises his head, looking his husband in the eye and seeing the blissful lust that is shining back at him. He doesn’t give Mickey a chance to respond as he devours his lips, their tongues pushing back against one another as Ian continues to dive into Mickey’s prostate.

“Fuck, Ian. I’m close.” Mickey says the words against Ian’s lips. His husband's hand suddenly on his dick and the added sensation makes him gasp as Ian pumps him in time with his thrusts. 

With no further warning, Mickey shoots strings of thick white cum across his chest. The sight alone tips Ian over the edge as he lets go and shoots his load inside of Mickey. He makes sure to stay buried deep inside him as he empties everything he has, feeling some of it leak out and drip down his balls.

The only sound they can hear is deep breathing as they try to catch their breath. It’s the most connected they have felt towards one another in months and Mickey takes a moment to remember this feeling before the world of parenting and responsibilities comes crashing back and takes it all away from him. 

Ian’s body is crashing, He rests his forehead against Mickey as he waits for enough energy to pull out and roll off his husband. 

“I’ve missed you.” Ian closes his eyes as he inhales the scent of his husband. 

“I’ve been here the whole time.” 

“I guess this parenting thing is more than we thought it would be, huh.”

“I mean, yeah. But I don’t think that’s what was causing us to drift. We’re just not used to being away from each other. Not anymore.”

“I spent enough years separated from you, Mick. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Well, unless we have our own business where we can have Hope with us while we work, there's no other option.”

“I know.” Ian sounds like a whining teenager as he admits Mickey is right.

He lifts himself up, his body hovering over his blissed-out husband while he stays buried inside of him.

“I hate fighting with you.”

A soft smile appears on Mickey’s face. “Me too.”

“But I’ll fight for you, Mickey. Every time.” He leans down for a soft kiss that sparks a fire inside of him. 

The sound of both their phones getting a text message breaks them from their spell. Reluctantly, Ian leans back as he slowly pulls out. Mickey stays laying on the blanket, the cold night air hitting him as he gets used to the sudden emptiness that hits him after sex. If he could walk around with Ian’s dick in his ass all day, he would. 

Ian takes the blanket off his back and passes it to Mickey to wipe himself clean before they get dressed. With pants and his shirt back on, Ian reaches for his phone, passing Mickey’s to him once he’s back in his jeans and Henley. 

They both read the text message from Debbie 

“We better get home. Your sister may have raised Franny but she has no idea what she's doing.”

“You’re probably right.”

Mickey picks up the cooler while Ian takes the blankets and they walk back down towards the car.

“How did you know this would still be here when we came back tonight? Anyone could have stopped by and used it.”

Ian chuckles. “I may have had Franny make a sign about the place being demolished. I figured it might scare anyone away if they thought the building was going to crumble on top of them.”

Mickey laughs. He puts the cooler in the back of their car with the blankets, closes the door, and encases Ian in a tight embrace against the car.

“Thank you, for tonight.”

“It was my pleasure.” He plants a kiss on Mickey’s head, always loving how he can be tucked securely under his chin.

“What do you say about us making this a monthly tradition?”

“Wow. Planning a date night each month makes us sound really fucking old, man.”

Ian laughs. “Not old, just, needing to make sure we put time aside for ourselves, outside of being parents.”

Mickey presses his lips against Ian's. It’s soft, loving. 

“I think that sounds perfect.” 

They pull apart, smiling like two idiots in love as they get back in the car and drive home to their daughter.