Work Text:
Hey Frankie,
Thanks for your email man. Means a lot. I’ll get straight into it I guess.
No, we didn’t fuck. I mean. I gave him a few hand jobs. He blew me a couple of times. I know, I know, you’re 100% sure I boned the lead singer of your band, but believe me. We didn’t fuck.
If we did, I don’t remember it at least. And it wouldn’t be through Gerard’s lack of trying. I’m sure that’s not something you wanna hear.
It wasn’t like you were around much for TOC anyway. Your wife was there, wasn’t she? Girlfriend back then. Jamia. She’s a sweetheart.
And Gerard had crack. And he had me.
The fans should be fucking grateful he’s afraid of needles. Maybe I should be too. It got me off heroin. Onto cocaine more. But off the heroin, for a bit at least.
Everything is easier when you’re looking at it through a rainbow. Trapped inside a prism of your own construction.
I’ve always been a better writer than talker.
Gerard’s good at talking isn’t he? Charming. Manipulative. Maybe that’s all he is. Sly, coy and cunning. A vixen trapped in a man’s body.
And we’d watch you wander the from festival backstage, with your lips pressed in the thinnest line and your hand grasping at your girlfriend. Looking like you were fucking constipated.
Looking like a solid right hook in the nose would do ya the world of good.
No fun allowed. No Fun Frank. That’s what we called you back then, behind your back. Gee and I.
Put away the beer or he’ll take it off you. Hide the drugs or expect an hour-long lecture. Or he’d sic Brian on us. Mikey didn’t give a shit, so why did you Frankie?
Well, you know why.
But back then you didn’t, not back then. You had no idea why seeing me draped over your frontman made you feel like someone shoved a peeled lemon up your ass.
But I knew why.
Or suspected. Gee would talk about you. But Gee talked about everything. Getting him to shut up is a fucking impressive feat. But he’d shut up anytime you made yourself present.
Like he was scared he’d say the wrong thing.
Honestly, the whole thing, whatever it was between us, was blown out of proportion.
And I’m sorry okay? I said dumb shit. Did dumb shit. I was on fucking drugs dude. Ready to go off the deep end. Join the 27 club. Just kill me, it woulda been less painful than my life.
I lost everyone I loved. I lost a lot. No one gives a shit about that though. As long as my pain is poetic.
So yeah I regret some shit, but it didn’t matter. Not like it stopped MCR becoming superstars. Not like Gerard would call me, even if he had my number.
Take my band on tour with you guys? Yeah fucking right.
At least things between you and I became cordial a few years ago.
You’re a pretty forgiving guy. People don’t think it, with how you wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re always acting so fucking angry, so fucking put upon. But you always had a second chance for those who needed it.
I guess we’re similar. We both express our truest emotions in our lyrics. Gee hides his under layers and layers of twisted metaphorical bullshit.
You know Gee and I both got clean in the end, in crazy different ways. He dragged himself up from rock bottom. I embraced it. I loved it. Leave me to rot in the filth. Leave me to die.
I was ready to hide the bottle the rest of my life, just to get people off my back.
But I did it. Rehab and AA. Took it a step at a time dude.
I think that’s what you don’t get man. Gerard. His brother. Me. We’re all cut from the same cloth. That addiction is a part of us. But self-sabotage is the biggest part.
When I heard about the Lyn-Z thing, I didn’t know you guys were fucking at the time. There were some rumors sure. But there’d always been rumors.
There will always be rumors.
So, I found out way after the fact. The same way you find out anything in this industry. Through a friend. Through a fan. Through the grapevine.
Okay. Brian told me.
He was pissed at getting fired. Sure, he didn’t fight it, but that’s ‘cause he knew he’d lose anyway. You guys wanted him out and he knew he had no choice but to take it.
We caught up a few months later and it all came out.
And everything clicked into place for me.
Maybe that’s why things got cordial between us. Ex-boyfriends gotta stick together right?
Not that it compares. What Gee did to you? That was shitty. But man, sometimes a little communication solves everything.
Makes me wanna smack your heads together.
At least with how things ended between us it was mutual. Our falling out was all over the internet. Papers and magazines. I might have had a little to do with that.
Drugs are bad man. But they’re so fucking good.
If you want to keep friendships, band members and your wife however? Not so worth it.
Like I said. I got clean. Ali and I had two precious girls. My Cleo and Minnie, absolute angels. The loves of my life. You get it, I’m sure.
I wasn’t losing that. And that’s why I won’t relapse. I know I don’t want to lose them, wouldn’t risk it. Ali would have me by the throat. Not in a sexy way either man.
And I don’t wanna die anymore. There’s that too.
I’m not judging Gee for his relapse. It happens man. Not everyone has the same reasons to stay clean.
And your band breaking up? Hey, if that what it took to save his life? His brother’s life? Then cool.
I mean, it’s not for me. Relapse. Band’s ending and shit. Nah. I just moved the fuck outta it all and straight to Sydney. Good fuckin’ luck to the rest of the scene.
It’s not 2005 anymore. Those years aren’t coming back.
And hey, maybe I lost some friendships along the way. But those people are still alive. Still out there somewhere, struggling and living.
It’s more than I can say for some of our other friends. These assholes don’t always know how good they got it.
I wish they’d open their fuckin’ eyes sometimes.
If you’re ever in Aus man, hit me up. I know you’re not the biggest fan since the accident. But if you’re about and I’m around I’ll show you a good time for sure.
Keep the faith bro,
Bert xxxx
PS I know you didn’t ask, but I have to say – how come the Way brothers managed to inspire half the fucking songs in the scene by themselves? Someone should start a support group for their exes man. Way Anonymous or something. You, me and Pete. I’ll bring doughnuts.
B xx