Chapter Text
Clint sat slumped against the bulk head staring numbly at the spot where Phil had lain. He should have known that there was no way that Phil would have not tried to go after Loki on his own. He would have done whatever it took to get Clint back. That was what he always said, he would never leave a man behind, and Clint was his.
Clint sighed tilting his head back to rest against the wall with a soft thump. The logic was sound same as when they had been sent after robots, take out the control unit and the rest fall when the signal is cut. Take out Loki and the theory was that those under his control would be cut free. Tasha only had to stall him long enough for Phil to try and if it failed then Tasha was the only one who would be able to take him out.
But that wasn't how it had ended up as Tasha had said it was magic and monsters and nothing they were ever trained for. A sharp blow to the head and Clint was back with them and one stab wound later, Phil was not.
Chest heaving Clint buried his head in his hands fighting back tears. They had always known their job was dangerous. There were never any guarantees when they went out on a mission that they would come back. There had been so many close calls over the years to remind them of that but Clint had always thought he would be the one to go first. Now left on his own he didn't know what to do. Cut adrift, feeling like he was only one half of a whole that would never be complete again.
Quiet footsteps and the swish of fabric told Clint that Fury had come and found him. Not that he had been hiding. He had been cleared by psych and could go where he damn well pleased. “what?” he grumbled turning to look up at the director, steadfastly ignoring how is voice tried to break saying that one word.
Fury leaned against the railing and didn't look at Barton, didn't winch at the sound of his voice oh so close to breaking. He knew why Clint was here, heck he had been the one to conduct their damn wedding and wasn't that a kicker. Clint sat staring at the place he thought his husband had died and Fury knew full well that he was going against every one of his best friends wishes by trying to bring him back to life. Fury rubbed at his fore head, and there was no guarantee that it would even work or that the Phil Coulson that woke up would be the same man he had been before he died.
Reaching into his pocket Nick closed his hand around the wedding band that sat there. He knew that this would be the final nail in the coffin, the one thing that would ensure that Clint would never forgive him if he ever found out what nick was doing. Drawing his hand out he finally turned to look at the archer “I believe this belongs to you now”
Clint had been watching Fury carefully seeing for the first time the man with his shields down letting the emotions he felt play across his face. Guilt, regret, and finally something that looked like the older man was begging for forgiveness. Clint felt his breath catch, if Nick was going to tell him that Phil was alive after all this he was going to punch him so hard... The thought died as Nick spoke and something small and gold was passed over. Numbly he reached out taking the wedding band that he knew had been his husbands. Running his thumb over the scratch caused by an attackers knife he clenched his fist over it and with out speaking stood and swiftly left. He refused to cry in front of the director no matter how close they had been, no matter that he had been the one to marry them after Clint had jokingly pointed out that he was captain of the ship and so should marry them.
Fury watched him leave and sighed. If he knew that Barton would never forgive him for this then there was no way Phil would and that was exactly why he had had to do it. The last thing he had wanted to do was lie to the archer. They had tried so hard to bring Phil back but time after time all he had done was beg to die. There was nothing they could do to convince him that Clint was alive and well. That they had managed to get him back from Loki and that he had gone out to fight with the rest of the team and won. A world without Clint in was not one that Phil Coulson had wanted to be in and Nick had been forced to wipe his memory. Taking away Clint and leaving Phil with a simple memory of a cellist that he had parted with and had moved back to Portland. It was a running joke between Clint and Phil, the story they had come up with for Phil having his wedding ring on or off depending on the mission he was running. It pained Nick to have to pervert the memory but god knows if there was such a thing as soul mates, and if Clint could ever forgive him enough to try again, there was no reason that if those two ever met again that they would not just fall in love all over again. And whilst he certainly would not be invited to their actual wedding, he had no doubts that the avengers would step up to take his place.
Sat slumped on the end of his bunk Clint slowly turned the ring over in his hand before reaching up to pull his own out from where is hung on a fine chain around his neck. He had always hated the fact that being on missions meant he rarely got to wear his own ring though he could not have been more grateful that this was something Loki had never gotten hold of. Equally agents were not allowed any distinguishing features in case they were captured by the enemy so Clint had never been able to get a tattoo to replace the ring so that he could always have that part of Phil with him. Now though he unfastened the chain and slid Phil's ring on to rest next to his before refastening it around his neck and tucking it back under his shirt. Lying back on the bed he felt the weight of the two rings nestle against his chest and rested his hand over them.
Clint and Phil had been well known to be in a relationship inside shield, after all when the director himself is the one to conduct the wedding no one particularly cared that it was not actually official. Everyone at shield accepted it as such and they were each marked down as the others medical proxy and all other legal paperwork that they could be allowed until New York finally got it's act together and made same sex marriage legal. But outside of shield no-one knew, and now no-one would. Clint had been looking forward to the day they could finally officially tie the knot and Phil's family could be invited and Tasha would have insisted on being the maid of honour. No-one outside of shield would know to give Clint time to mourn and with no official funeral being held due to as Nick had damn well said 'magical contamination I'm sorry Barton but you know the drill' Clint felt like he never even got chance to properly say goodbye.
Blinking back tears Clint stood and with one last glance around the room grabbed his duffel bag and bow case and left. There was no way he could face going back to the apartment he and Phil had shared and with Phil's ghost haunting the corridors at shield he had gratefully accepted Stark's offer to stay with him. He knew that Tony thankfully would not bat an eyelid at how little he was bringing with him, after all the man probably thought he lived in barracks or something. Tasha had already been to their apartment and grabbed the few pieces that Clint had wanted to keep before he knew the shield teams would be in to clear out anything important and then ship the rest off to Phil's family.
Clint had to move on, just add it on to the ever growing pile of loss in his life. He had a new team now one that Phil had worked hard to put together and that he had always wanted Clint to be part of. He would keep Phil's memory alive and keep doing what he had always hoped for him to achieve and one day maybe he would get to see him again. Maybe he would ask Thor when he saw him again, he seemed god like enough to know.