Chapter Text
Tony hated his life. That was not a novel feeling for him.
Yes, the self proclaimed Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist™ wasn’t happy. Boo hoo. His longest & essentially only relationship was over. His best friend was paralyzed from the waist down. His so-called family hated his guts. The world looked to him for answers he didn’t have. And Steve.
That was it. Steve made the list just by existing these days.
Call him self absorbed, call him a pessimist, call him pathetic, fine. But if he never had to see Steve Rogers again he’d thank all the gods he’d never believed in.
Of course the exact opposite of that happened, and now the man in question was never more than 200 yards away from Tony at any given moment. In a wonderful display of the unfairness of the universe Steve Rogers & the rest of the rag tag wonder crew were permitted to return to the United States a mere 11 months & 17 days from their explosive family reunion in Germany. And the cherry on top of the shit sundae?
They were under the house arrest & supervision of the former funder of the Avengers: Anthony Edward Stark.
Fine fellow, really. Held his own role in destroying the only group of defenders the Earth had. Fought so stubbornly against other only other walking definition of stubborn. Steve was a man of black and white: moral and immoral. Therefore, Steve was never particularly keen on the gray areas Tony lived in so much he built vacation homes.
It probably shouldn’t have been a surprise that things came to quite literal blows the way they did. What was it a that Banner called them the first time they all interacted?
Oh right, a time bomb.
Tony couldn’t even find any comfort in his nearest and dearest science bro considering the fact he was still MIA along with Thor.
Tony had a sickening feeling in his stomach that Bruce & Thor would be ashamed of all of them. And that he would be inclined to agree.
No matter if he was supposed to keep a watch over the now not-so-former former Avengers, Tony stayed as far away from them as legally permitted. He’d said a combined total of 7 words to Steve since they’d returned and Tony was hoping to keep it that way. The one & only time they’d all been in the same room together he’d gotten glares from Clint & Wanda, an unimpressed glance from Sam, an ever-unreadable blink from Natasha, and a painfully miserable look from the Good Captain. Tony swallowed down the bile that threatened at the back of his throat.
In a few months the house arrest rules would be retracted along with Tony’s position as the fellow super humans’ keeper. Then he could go and run off in the woods and drink himself to death for all anyone cared.
Only a few months time. He could make it.