Chapter Text
Central City
February 23, 2013
Saturday, 7:09 A.M.
The air was thick. Too thick for the usual cold weather in February. It felt like he was back on the island all over again. He could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead, down his neck, soaking into his leather jacket. He ran through the mostly empty subway station, the duffle bag carrying his vigilante gear slung over his shoulder. He didn’t care that he was running on next to no sleep after working at Verdant the previous night and arriving in Central City an hour ago.
The damn air conditioning wasn’t working. Stupid Central City subway stations.
Desperate, he called her again, cursing when it went straight to voicemail. Fighting the urge to punch something, he frantically turned, sharp eyes scanning every face for her. His heart leapt in his throat whenever he saw a flash of blonde hair.
“Oliver!” Digg called through his comm. “Did you find her?” He could hear the poorly hidden worry through his friend’s tone.
“If I did, I would have told you by now.” Oliver growled, trying to push back his own growing fear and desperation. It was his fault that she was here in the first place. If he hadn’t blown up at her, he wouldn’t be searching the seemingly endless maze for her. “Tell me if the facial recognition software is working.”
When Digg stayed silent, he cupped both of his hands against the back of his neck, the only nervous gesture he allowed himself. Oliver could hear him typing through the comm unit, probably trying to make the software work or checking the security cameras. “I thought she said it was simple enough for an idiot to run.” He snapped, turning down another hall.
“Maybe you should take a stab at running it then, Oliver.” Digg retorted.
“Funny.” He barely kept himself from rolling his eyes as he shoved aside a guy carrying an umbrella. He half turned, waving his hand in a sorry attempt at an apology before resuming his search.
It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
“I know you’re worried, man,” Digg blew out a breath. “But we’ll get her back.”
They had to. He didn’t know what he’d do if he failed her.
The Foundry
24 hours earlier
“Felicity,” Oliver called out as he walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes from working in the club all night. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. “Tell me you got something on Pawlin.”
She muttered something he couldn’t catch as he made his way to her workstation. He silently approached, rubbing the back of his neck to relieve some tension before standing behind her and taking her in.
He caught her reflection in the computer screen. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot from staying up all night, her make-up slightly smudged from rubbing at her eyes God knows how many times. The blue top she wore was wrinkled, sleeves bunched to her elbows. He could see indented marks from resting her forearms against the desk for hours on end. She was furiously typing, hitting the backspace button more often than not. Her blonde hair fell in messy disheveled waves down her tensed back. A few empty paper cups of coffee littered the trash beside her desk. Some lay haphazardly on the floor next to her, as if she couldn’t afford to waste the energy needed to toss them in the trash.
How long had she been working? Since he opened the club last night? Did she even go home?
Oliver refused to acknowledge the wave of guilt that clenched his chest at the thought. He could practically feel the tension and stress radiating off of her. He cleared his throat and gently placed one hand on her shoulder, automatically rubbing his thumb in small circles into the knotted muscle without even realizing it.
“Felicity.”
The steady clicking rhythm of her fingers on the keyboard faltered, her eyes meeting his through the screen for a split second before going back to a window that displayed schematics of a subway station. Oliver pressed harder, finding a knot at the back of her neck. He didn’t miss the slow, shaky breath she released or the shiver that ran down her spine. He felt her shoulder slowly relax as he continued his ministrations.
“How long have you been here?” He tried again, pitching his voice to be almost gentle. “John left at eleven last night. You should get some rest.”
“I can’t.”
He winced at the exhaustion that lined her voice. Didn’t she understand that he needed her at one hundred percent? He couldn’t have her pulling all-nighters - hell, working twelve hours straight - if she was just going to mess up. People’s lives were on the line. Subconsciously, the hand on her shoulder tightened.
He should have never brought her into this. What kind of person was he? She should be sleeping, or getting ready for work. Maybe sleeping away a hangover like the other girls who went to the club last night. She shouldn’t be in a dark gloomy basement losing hours of sleep.
She was better off without him.
“I can’t have you doing this, Felicity.”
He felt her shoulder tense before it was ripped away.
“Excuse me?” She spun around in her chair to face him, her hair brushing over his fingers. Her blue eyes turned cold, her hands clenching her armrests. There was an angry crease between her eyebrows. “What the hell, Oliver?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but for some reason he couldn’t voice his thoughts.
She stood up and glared at him.
A distant part of him noticed that she was shorter, that she was barefoot. A quick glance under her desk showed a pair of beige heels resting on the cold concrete. Another wave of guilt crushed him, knowing her condition was his fault.
“I-”
“No!” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “I have been working nonstop to find Pawlin!” She took a step closer, standing toe to toe with him. “I’m doing what you told me to do! I am so close to getting all his information and you want me to stop?!”
“You need to stop! You’re-”
“I don’t think so, buddy!” She advanced, forcing him to take a small step back toward the med cart. “I know Starling City is your home turf, and that Pawlin’s evil lair is here too, but he isn’t! You can’t wait for him to come back to Starling! He’s going to be in the Central City subway station tomorrow morning with even more girls, and take them off to who knows where. Probably Russia, if his contacts are anything to go by.”
Oliver frowned. Russia? He hoped with everything in him that Pawlin wasn’t connected to the Bratva. They were dangerous, responsible for human trafficking, mob wars, drug shipments into and out of the city, and who knows what else. He tried to think of his contacts and anyone he knew while he was in Russia, but ‘Pawlin’ didn’t ring any bells.
“We won’t be able to catch him once he leaves tomorrow,” Felicity said, bringing him out of his thoughts. She straightened her back and he was surprised to see her eyes alight with passionate determination as she continued. “And I will not stop until those girls are safe, Oliver!”
He pressed his lips into a thin line. It was like the whole thing with Williams and his ten year old kid all over again. Were children a weak spot for her? Was it her maternal instinct kicking in? No, her feelings about this didn’t matter. Those girls were in Central City. He came to save Starling City. Like she said, it wasn’t his home turf. He couldn’t just rescue someone in Central City just because Felicity wanted him to. Even if they were innocent children.
He couldn’t deny the fact that he felt like a jackass.
Felicity must have seen something pass across his face because her features softened. She must have thought that she got through to him because she calmed down. “Some of the cameras there are offline, and I can’t do what I do from here. I need to be in the field- in that subway station- so we can stop him, okay? I’ll just mosey on down to the subway, connect my tablet to their system and-" She leaned in to whisper the next word as if they were in a crowded room and she was telling him a secret, “- hack, find out what subway train he’s taking, stop it, and get out. Everything will be done from my tablet too. Easy peasy.”
She looked so earnest, like it was so easy, but he couldn’t risk it. It would be near impossible to protect her, especially in an environment like that. He couldn’t watch her from above like in Starling, with its skyscrapers, fire escapes, and high vantage points. Not with the multiple entry and exit points, crowds, potential targets to look out for, and level ground of a subway station. Plus, they didn’t have time to plan for every single contingency plan in case something went wrong.
He stayed silent and stared at her.
“No bad guy involved, I swear. If I somehow get captured- which will not happen by the way- you can say ‘I told you so.’ I uncovered a list of names from my research, and compared them to SCPD’s database of missing kid’s files.” She went back to her desk and pulled up a window that showed a bunch of pictures of girls that appeared to be underage. “Look, all of his hostages are missing girls. They’re all under sixteen years old. Their disappearances go back as far as two years ago.”
A coil of tension appeared in his chest with every word she spoke, every piece of information she revealed. Kidnapping young girls? This had Bratva written all over it. He didn’t like this one bit. Crossing his arms, he forced out, “If I agreed to your plan, how is this supposed to make me feel better about sending you to Central City?”
“Right. I thought you might say that.” She took a step forward, taking a deep breath. “I’m not a girl- well I am. A girl. That is. But a grown up... girl. A woman.” She gave herself a quick shake. “I mean- I went through puberty. Obviously. I mean, look at me.”
Oliver froze as heat rushed through him. He forgot about everything. McKenna, Pawlin, whatever the hell was going on with his mother. It had to be the sleep deprivation that caused her next actions. Either that or he was imagining things, his mind playing torturous tricks on him.
He had to be imagining the sinful way her mouth curved into a smirk, her tousled blonde hair framing her face perfectly. There was absolutely no way her hand slid sensually down her body, the glow from the computer screens behind her highlighting certain... features. No. She wasn’t really inviting him to look. She didn’t really want him to stare, right?
Although, if he was being honest with himself, he did look at her. But that was one time, and it only lasted two seconds. When they were at the Starling City Cancer Society’s auction a couple weeks ago, and she was wearing that gold dress that she looked breathtaking in.
He couldn’t look at her like that now.
I mean, look at me.
Goddammit. He knew she didn’t mean it like that. He knew it was just a typical Felicity babble and that it was because of his own exhaustion and her own exhaustion that his thoughts were heading in a direction that he never thought they’d ever ever go, but... Jesus.
It took every single ounce of self control to keep his eyes on her face. To not track the descent of her hand with his sharp eyes. To not react. To not even breathe.
Did the air between them get thicker? Or was that just him?
Felicity froze, as if she just realized what she was doing. As if she felt the air shift around them. As if her ears caught up with what tumbled out of her mouth half a second too late. Her eyes flew to his in horror, sucking in a small breath. She squeezed her eyes shut, a breathy, “Oh... God.” falling from her lips.
He clenched his jaw so hard he thought he felt a tooth crack. Why did he think that staring at her face was a good idea? He swiftly closed his eyes, only to see that reaction again, this time his imagination running wild with... Scenarios. Fantasies.
With Felicity.
Grabbing Felicity’s waist and lifting her onto her desk. He would cup her face in his hands, his name a breathy sigh on her lips. He’d bring his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss, her legs wrapping around his hips, his hands wandering across her back.
Felicity walking over to him after working out on the salmon ladder, a devilish glint in her eyes and coy smile on her lips. She would press herself against him, running her hands along his abs and kissing him in a way that made him weak. She’d pull away the tiniest bit, making a comment about how she should punish him for distracting her from work.
Finding Felicity frustrated at her desk, her lips mouthing some sort of command or line of code, trying to break an encryption. He’d spin her chair around and lean down, bracing both of his hands on the arm rests. He would bring his mouth to her lips, silencing her startled gasp, As he’d move down to her pulse, she’d lean her head back against the chair with her eyes closed, clenching his hair in tight fists as he would go lower. He’d get onto his knees in front of her, one of his hands moving under her skirt, up her thigh. Felicity would moan his name, begging him to-
Fuck. His eyes shot open. What the hell was he thinking? He did not think of her like that. He couldn’t think of her like that. This was Felicity. His friend. He swept his gaze around the room to look at something else. Anything else. The sunlight starting to stream through a hole in the ceiling he’d been meaning to fix. The small arrow sized indentations in the opposite wall he used for target practice. The training dummy that definitely needed to be replaced soon. He cursed when he saw her beige sweater innocently hanging off of it.
He never thought he’d willingly go back to Lian Yu until now.
“I- uh...” She must have seen something on his face, because she stammered something he didn’t hear, the descending hand curling into a fist and falling to her side. He started breathing again when she backed away, bumping into her desk, the monitors behind her slightly swaying as a result, evaporating the tension between them.
He forced himself to get his shit together.
Felicity quickly straightened and regained her composure as she continued, “My point is, I’m not even close to the typical kinds of hostages he takes. It’s not his M.O. I’ll be fine, I promise. Why won’t you trust me to go-"
“I can’t trust you with this!” He exploded. She flinched at his outburst. Her words- her promise- replaced whatever he was currently feeling with anger and something else he couldn’t name. “Look at you! You’re being irrational! Central City is six hundred miles away! You’d have to leave right after work today to get there in time to catch him!” He shook his head, fingers carding through his hair. Maybe if she rested, she would get her head on straight and realize how crazy she was. He tried to keep his voice level, to reign in his anger, but it came out more like a command. “Felicity, you need to get some sleep, shower, and change-"
“Saving those girls is more important than how I look!” She let out an incredulous laugh that was a touch hysterical. “I thought that’s why you brought me into this! So I could help you until we find Walter.” Felicity huffed and crossed her arms. “That’s rich. After everything!”
She sighed, turning away from him and pressing her hands flat against her desk. Her gaze returned to the open window that displayed pictures of the missing girls. He watched an almost visible weight settle across her shoulders, and once again, he felt an almost equal weight of guilt settle into the pit of his stomach. He had a sudden desire to put his hand on her shoulder again, to comfort her, to take that weight away and add it to his own. But he couldn’t.
“Having a bomb collar around my neck is worse than anything this guy will do. After the laptop, the syringe, and the security fob for that scavenger hunt-” She turned back around like a realization just hit her, her face contemplative. “You know, I never did get that bottle of wine you promised me for breaking that encryption.” She gave a slight shrug, and he made a mental note to bring her down to the Mansion so she can pick a bottle out for herself. “Anyway, after we brought down the Dodger, what makes Pawlin different? Why don’t you trust me?”
God, she looked like she just wanted to understand. There was no way that she could. He thought of everyone in his life he came in contact with. Each face that flashed in his mind’s eye was like a punch in the gut. His father. Laurel. Sara. Yao Fei. Shado. Slade. Akio and his family. Taiana. Everyone in his life got hurt in some way. They either ended up dead or alone.
Because of him.
If he trusted her to do this, it would be on his hands. Not hers. Because he chose to trust her with his secret. He chose to bring her in. He picked her. And he had to protect her. He brought her into this life, and everything that happened to her was because of him. She must have been out of her mind to think that he’d let her even come close to Pawlin and his operation. She could get captured, or worse. He couldn’t let her get hurt.
He wouldn’t.
“Because I can’t completely trust anybody!”
“What about John? You trust him, don’t you?”
“That’s different!”
The silence that followed was deafening.
“I... I see.”
Watching her face crumple before his eyes tore at something deep inside him. Oliver scrubbed a hand down his face. “Felicity, I-”
“I get it.” He felt the guilt twist his stomach in knots when he heard how small her voice was. Felicity bent down to slip on her shoes, her movements almost forced. Mechanical. “You trust me to keep your secret, and you trust my computer skills, but that’s it.” She straightened and stepped around him to gather her purse. “You don’t trust me.”
Did she really believe that? “Felicity, that’s not-”
“You don’t trust me like you trust John. You guys are in the field. Protecting each other. Fighting. You both have that shared experience. I don't punch people. I don’t know how to fire a bow and arrow, let alone a gun.” Her voice broke, but it was laced with a resigned acceptance. “I’m just some IT girl stuck behind a computer screen.”
No. That wasn’t it at all. He tried to reach for her, to tell her how wrong she was, but she went around him to grab her sweater. As she passed by, he thought he saw moisture gather in her eyes before it was rapidly blinked away. “Wait-”
“If that’s how you feel, fine. Let’s not make a big deal out of it, okay?” Felicity slipped her sweater on and made her way to the stairs, her heels clicking on the concrete.
She’s leaving? First she says she needs to stay here, and now she’s heading out? What the hell? That spurred him to move and follow her. “Felicity! Where are you going?” His harsh tone thundered through the Foundry.
Her shoulders stiffened, and for a split second he thought she was going to turn and tell him that she was leaving for good this time. She stopped three steps above him with one hand resting on the handrail, the other gripping her purse. She stood, facing away from him. “Your lack of trust in me won’t stop me from doing my job.”
“Goddammit Felicity, it’s not about trust!”
She spun around to look down on him, hair whipping around her, her voice hard. “Really? What is it then? Because you’re not telling me why!”
I can’t lose you, too. He pushed the thought away. “Why doesn’t matter! What does matter is that you’re being so fucking stubborn!” She opened her mouth to retort, but he plowed on. “I am ordering you not to go after Pawlin in a subway system in Central City!”
“You’re ordering me?!” Something in her expression changed. Resolve lined her features. She took a step down, towering over him, but he held his ground. Her voice held a cheerily sarcastic tone that instantly set him on edge. “Oh, don’t worry, Oliver. Of course I’ll do what you want! What makes you think I wouldn’t? I’m just going to go back to my apartment and do what you so nicely asked: take a nap, shower, and change. Then I’ll head to work for the day.” The smile she sent his way scared him more than anything he ever experienced. “I’ll even get a coffee. Probably one with way more espresso than I need since I stayed up all night doing what you wanted. You know who has some really good coffee?”
A part of Oliver knew that he wasn’t supposed to answer, but he did anyway. “That new place that opened near Starling General?”
“No, Oliver.” She flashed him a patronizing smile. He focused on taking a slow, measured breath as she leaned closer to him, a silent challenge brewing in her eyes. “I’m talking about Jitters. The one located in Central City. You should go there tomorrow morning.”
The tension coiled tighter inside him as he read between the lines. He wouldn’t risk her safety, not if they didn’t have all the information about Pawlin. Especially if Pawlin was part of the Bratva. She was really getting on his last nerve though. “If you go to Central City I swear to God I’ll-“ He stopped himself, suddenly not wanting to complete that sentence.
“You’ll what?” She crossed her arms. “Tie me up and stick your arrow in me?” She tensed and clenched her eyes shut again. “When I said ‘arrow’ I meant arrow. Not your-”
He grabbed her forearm to silence her, the one holding her purse, and took a step up, making her almost the same height as him. He forced himself not to react to how close they were standing. Usually, he loved her babbles. They were cute. Now, not so much. Now wasn’t the time for a classic Felicity babble.
She swallowed nervously, her eyes darting down to his lips before flying back up to meet his unamused eyes. Her eyes darkened. “Let’s say I do go. What will happen?”
“Say you do get captured.” He ground out, his voice rivaling the tone of the voice modulator she made for his suit last week. “You’ll be drugged. Shipped in a metal box. Never see your family and friends again.” He leaned closer, mere inches from her face. “Forced to sell your body to the highest bidder, abused if you don’t do what they say, when they say it.” He squeezed his hand on her arm to emphasize his words. He was so close to her that he saw the corners of her eyes tighten in pain. Good. “This isn’t a joke, Felicity.”
He saw a mixture of emotions- realization, hurt, and defiance - flash through her blue eyes.
But not fear.
“I’m not joking either, Oliver.” She dug her nails into the top of his hand, as if she was trying to drive her point home, but he didn’t feel it. She scoffed and glared at him. “I can’t believe you’d try to threaten me- to intimidate me- into not going.” She paused, as if she was gathering her thoughts. When she spoke again, her voice was full of determination and strength, despite everything he told her. “Someone has to save those girls.”
“Then...” He tried searching for words. Other options. “Then alert the CCPD! Don’t-”
“The CCPD won’t save them in time! They’ll be too late!” She shook her head, frustration forming in her eyes. She rested her hand atop his. “It’s up to us. Please... Help me save them, Oliver.”
He sharply looked down at their hands. Her small, soft fingers covering his rough and calloused ones. He swallowed. Did she know how much blood was on them? Not as the Hood, but while he was on the island? That she was holding the hand of a cold-blooded killer? A torturer? He minutely shook his head. He was a killer. A torturer. A murderer. That was all he’d ever be.
He killed his father. He killed countless others. He would have to accept that he killed those girls too. Their deaths would ultimately be his fault because he refused to save them. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find words. His voice came out agonized, like she was asking him to do the impossible. “Felicity, please. Leave this alone.” He ripped his hand away as though she burned him. He cleared his throat, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I will see you. Here. Tonight.”
Felicity froze with a sharp inhale. Her face crumpled, like she was seeing him for the first time. Like she saw the monster he really was. Because he was a monster. “I- I can’t.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I... I need some air.”
He watched her turn around and head up the stairs.
The door slammed shut behind her.