Archive of Our Own

"It's not gonna fit, I'm telling you."

"Jeez, be more negative, Tommy Joe."

"Dude, I'm being realistic. It's too damn big."

"You're forgetting who has the experience here. It'll fit."

"All the experience in the world isn't gonna change reality."

"Hang on. Just twist a little like this, and maybe… Well, fuck."

"Told you."

"Hey, guys, Sophie's wondering what you're doing back here," Isaac said as he opened the door and walked in. "Are you coming out anytime…" Isaac's gaze landed on them and he trailed off, eyes widening.

"Busted," Tommy whispered to Adam, as if Isaac couldn't hear him.

Isaac looked from Adam, to Tommy, and back again. "Seriously? You guys couldn't do this somewhere else?"

Tommy smiled sheepishly. "We were running late. There wasn't time."

"Give us five more minutes and we'll be done," Adam said earnestly.

"Five more minutes…" Isaac repeated, trailing off. Taking another look at them, he shook his head, closed the door and crossed the room to the bed. "Five minutes isn't gonna help. You're doing it wrong. Here, let me."

"Hey!" Adam exclaimed indignantly. "I can handle it. Back off."

"Yeah," Tommy said, rolling his eyes. "He can totally handle it. He's experienced."

"You're in my bedroom," Isaac said. "That means I get to call the shots."

"I'm always in charge," Adam huffed.

"Not today, boss man, so sit back and watch how it's done."

"When do I get to be in charge?" Tommy asked, a slight whine in his voice.

"Never," Isaac and Adam said together.

Tommy pouted.

Isaac tilted his head one way, then another before nodding. "Yeah, I think I see the problem. Not enough lube."

Tommy snickered.

"I caked it on," Adam said, offended.

"Just needs a little... Ouch!"

"Yeah," Tommy said sarcastically. "That totally worked."

"Shit," Isaac said.

"Guys, I'm cramping up here," Tommy complained.

"Maybe we're going about this wrong," Adam mused, ignoring Tommy.

"You mean, like, trying to put something too big somewhere it's not gonna fit?" Tommy asked sarcastically.

"Shut up", Adam and Isaac said together.

Tommy glowered.

"I've got it," Isaac said, expression brightening briefly before falling again. "No, that wouldn't work either."

"Hey, is anyone back here?" Ashley asked, opening the door and peeking inside. Her lips twitched up as her gaze landed on the three of them.

Tommy glanced toward the ceiling. "Why don't we just invite everyone back here to watch?"

"Not to interrupt the little party going on back here," Ashley said, "but Sophie's wondering if the Bermuda Triangle relocated to the back of her house. You guys gonna rejoin her baby shower anytime soon?" she asked, clearly amused.

Adam threw his hands up in the air. "I give up. It's not gonna fit."

"Like I've been saying all along," Tommy said, exasperated.

Adam glared.

Isaac shook his head.

Ashley rolled her eyes, closed the door, and walked over. "Hand it over."

"Like you could do any better," Isaac said.

Ashley arched an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, drummer boy?"

"It's no use," Adam said. "I've put one of these together before and it wasn't this hard."

Ashley picked up the directions and studied them, then took one of the straight parts from Tommy and a curved part from Isaac. Incredulously, she asked, "Is that… You lubed it?"

Isaac shrugged. "We just thought—"

"Lube fixes everything," Adam interjected.

Tommy snorted. "That's duct tape."

"Hey," Adam protested. "Lube's gotten me out of some pretty tight places."

Tommy laughed. "I'll bet."

Ashley just shook her head. "Boys." With a twist of her wrists, the curved part slid easily inside the straight part.

"Where were you ten minutes ago?" Tommy asked, awed.

Isaac just gaped, at a loss for words.

Ashley held out her hand. Tommy handed the other part over and she performed the same magic on that, then eyed the rest of the stroller parts scattered across the bed.

"Can you guys handle the rest?"

"Of course," all three men said indignantly.

"I'll go tell Sophie you'll be out with her present in, like, an hour," Ashley teased, tossing the assembled piece to them as she walked out, leaving them staring after her, mystified.