Chapter Text
At least they hadn’t sent out the invitations yet.
If they had, it would have made things much more complicated. But the engagement had been fairly short, and the invitations had been late coming back from the tiny artisanal press where Pete had ordered them, so they hadn’t been sent out by the time Sam broke it off.
There were still things to do, however. Or to undo. Vendors to contact. Reservations to cancel. Deposits to attempt to get returned.
Since Pete had been the one making most of the plans, he also had to unmake most of them. He’d insisted. Sam had told him multiple times she appreciated it, and that he should make it as easy on himself as possible. He didn’t need to consult her. She didn’t expect any deposits back.
She was busy with other things, anyway. Wrapping up projects at the SGC. Trying to find a subletter. Reading stacks of files from projects she’d be taking over at Area 51. Trying to keep Cassie’s mind off things over spring break (the only way Sam knew through grief was to keep busy, so she kept Cassie busy too). Arranging for Cassie to stay with the family of some friends in Colorado Springs for the last several weeks of her senior year, and helping get her ready for her move to D.C. for college in the fall. Grieving, and trying to hold everything together despite her grief.
She would have preferred to walk away from the relationship without looking back, and after Pete’s initial reaction she’d thought she would have that. The cut wasn’t quite as clean for Pete, however. In the few weeks since she’d called it off, hardly a day had gone by that he hadn’t texted or called or asked to swing by to tie up some loose end that didn’t really need Sam to tie it.
The day Daniel returned from his latest flirtation with Ascension, the original members of SG-1 ended up at Jack’s for Chinese food, like the good old days, and Sam ignored several texts and a phone call before finally sneaking out to the deck to take Pete’s second call of the night. She sat on the railing in the chilly night air of early April, looking into the house, wanting to be back in the warmth and light and company, enjoying one of the last few parties at Jack’s. Wishing she’d put her coat on before going outside.
Pete had managed to get at least one deposit back, but he didn’t want to keep it all. “I just wasn’t sure if you wanted a check for your half, or cash. Should I mail it, or drop it off, or what?”
She didn’t care about this four hundred bucks back from the caterer Pete had chosen; she’d already forgotten she’d paid it in the first place. Wasn’t entirely sure she actually had paid it.
“It’s fine. Really. Just keep it.”
Wrong answer.
“I’m trying to do the fair thing, Sam. Um, look, I also think I left some socks at your place. Can you take a look for me? Under the bed, maybe? I could run this by and pick those up at the same time. I’m near your neighborhood.”
So it was a ploy. She was glad she didn’t have to lie, at least.
“I can’t, Pete. I’m not at home right now. And you didn’t leave anything else there. I’ve already looked. Please stop asking.”
And the universe being what it was, Jack chose that moment to open the door to the deck and say, quite audibly, “Carter? You okay out here?”
“Oh. You’re at his place. Okay, I get it. Wow. You didn’t waste any time, did you?”
Pete’s tone was so clear Sam could picture the exact, ugly expression on his face. Suspicious. Judging. Morally superior. The worst part was, he’d looked like that often when they were together, sometimes even looked that way at her, and she’d stayed with him anyway. Let him judge her as if he had some right to. Thought it would make her a better person to try to live up to his standards, as if she’d needed to become a better person. A different person. It had been exhausting.
In the time since then, she’d finally started to recognize the parallels between Pete and Jonas. Her behavior with both of them. The red flags she’d ignored. What she thought she’d needed, what she’d actually needed, what she’d accepted. What all of that said about her.
She tried to smile at Jack. “I’m fine, sir. Will you need me to give Daniel a ride home later, or will he be crashing here tonight?”
Pete huffed, obviously not buying that the situation wasn’t what he’d thought. “Whatever, Sam. I guess you got what you wanted, all right.”
“Pete, that’s not--”
He hung up, leaving Sam to stare at the phone in disgust and not a little mortification. She’d involved Jack in a drama she didn’t even want to be involved in herself. She chided herself for feeling like she’d needed to justify being at Jack’s. Old habits died hard, but at least she now saw that habit for what it was. She didn’t owe anyone any explanations here.
“Do you still want an answer,” Jack asked, “or was that for him?” He pulled the door closed behind him, shutting out the sounds of Teal’c beating a tipsy Daniel at Mario Kart, and sat on the railing next to her. He’d brought her coat, which she took gratefully and slipped on.
“I’m sorry, sir. I should’ve gone on ignoring him.”
“Need me to beat him up for you?”
She knew he was at least half serious, but still smiled at the idea of Pete trying to hold his own in a fight against Jack. It wasn’t so much a question of whether Jack would prevail, but how badly he would choose to hurt Pete in the process. Pete was big, and could afford rules; Jack was wily, and had no qualms about fighting in whatever way necessary to win.
“I wouldn’t wish that on him, but thank you.” As if it needed saying, she added, “I called off the engagement. I guess he’s still processing it.”
Jack took a quick swig of beer before saying anything. “When?”
“Not that long ago. A few days after Dad’s memorial.”
“Ah. But that wasn’t the reason—“
“No.” It was dark. They were alone. And she was tired, so tired of pretending to be someone she wasn’t. “We both know the reason, Jack.”
“Ah.” His hand was almost touching hers on the railing. He moved his pinkie deliberately to tap it on top of hers, then let it rest there. “And you’re confirmed to go to Area 51?”
She was almost too enthralled by the pinkie thing to speak, but she managed. “Yeah. We both know it’s been a long time coming. It’s a better move for my career, and I just couldn’t keep going off world now that Cassie….”
“So you broke it off, and pretty soon you won’t be under my--”
“Correct.” She stroked her ring finger along the side of his pinkie, then pulled her hand away to her phone where it couldn’t get her into any more trouble. “I should’ve told you sooner. I just didn’t want it to seem like I was...like it was only…about that.” Only about you, she wanted to say, but couldn’t, even though it was somewhat true. Jack hadn’t even been available at the time as far as she knew. It had been about how she wasn’t in love with Pete, and how Pete wasn’t the right person for her. But knowing who the right person was definitely factored in there somewhere.
“Were you planning to tell me before you left the state?”
Sam looked at him, but he was still gazing into the house. He didn’t seem angry, didn’t seem upset. If anything, he looked bemused.
“I was trying to figure out a way to tell you tonight. A better way than this. I thought I’d wait until the guys left. Then see how awkward I could make it for both of us, probably. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. I’d heard you stopped seeing Kerry, but I didn’t want to make assumptions about...” She cleared her throat, waving two fingers between them.
“Pretty safe assumption, Carter.”
“Well, I realize that now.” In fact, it all seemed simple now. So simple she felt stupid for being so anxious about it. But then, it always had been simple; the military had made it complicated. She and Jack had been opting for complicated.
“I realized when I saw your transfer request.”
“You--but you didn’t say anything.“
“Also, Daniel told me.” He took another sip of beer. “About the broken engagement thing. Then Teal’c told me. Then Cassie told me, but she said not to tell you that she told me, but that I had to tell her when you told me. Or something. So. I’ve been waiting. For you to tell me.”
Sam blinked. She looked through the door at Daniel and Teal’c, still happily immersed in their game. She reached for Jack’s beer and plucked it from his fingers, then took a long pull.
Jack inspected his toes, lining up the seams on his socks. “I’m glad you did it before you left the state.”
She stole another swig, then offered him back the beer. He didn’t take it. “Thank you for being patient.”
“Like a spider.” He wiggled his fingers in an arachnid-esque manner. “Waiting patiently for the delicious fly to get caught in my net.”
“We’re both really bringing the romance to this, aren’t we, sir?”
“Oh yeah. It’s like Valentine’s Day out here, Colonel.”
She giggled, then tried to hide it with another gulp of beer, which didn’t go well. Coughing, she let him take the bottle away. He set it down on his other side, out of her reach.
“Of course, that means that by the time it’s…I’ll be out of the state. Um. So…”
This was really the part she hadn’t known how to talk about.
She didn’t know what came next. So let’s chance it and skip to the sex? Let’s make a date for the next available weekend after the move, so we can…skip to the sex? Let’s…sex? Or date. Did they have to date first? That was inappropriate and they hadn’t done that yet, either.
After eight years of not talking about it, she found, it was almost impossible to switch to talking about it. And without talking about it, she had no idea where they really stood, what Jack’s expectations were or what her expectations should be.
Jack rested his hands on the railing, pressing them flat and rolling his shoulders until they popped. “So...Hammond’s retiring.”
She looked at him, mouth falling open before she caught herself. “What?”
“Hammond is retiring. Next month. Right around the time of the fishing trip. I’d put in for some extra leave, but instead of a few quiet weeks in Minnesota, it looks like I’ll be using most of that time to put my house on the market, pack up, and find a place in Washington before I report to the Pentagon to take over the Homeworld spot. Nobody’s supposed to know yet.”
“Darn it, sir. You told me, now do you have to kill me?” She kicked herself internally as soon as she’d said it. Not a joke they could make between them anymore, not since that time he’d had to kill her.
He shot her a look, meeting her eyes a few seconds too long for comfort before looking away again. “Carter, if I’m letting Pete live, you’re definitely in the clear.”
“That’s magnanimous of you, sir.” She let her hands drift back down to the railing, but stopped short of touching his hand.
“Dates aren’t written in stone yet, but it’s looking like the new guy will be officially taking over at the SGC that week before my fishing trip.”
She took the information in, mulling it over for a few seconds before she finally grasped what he was trying to tell her. “That’s sooner. Over a week sooner than I have to report to Groom Lake.”
“Yeah. And it’s before the fishing trip.” He trapped her pinkie again, then leaned close enough to let his shoulder bump hers lightly. “You know, I was gonna fly up there that Thursday.”
And Teal’c and Daniel had planned to fly up that Saturday, to spend the rest of a long weekend at the cabin. Originally, they’d expected to depart shortly after her reception. While they went to Minnesota, she’d planned to be flying off to Kauai with Pete. Now, of course, Kauai was off her schedule, although she was still taking some leave.
She expected Jack to hint. To offer obliquely. Tell her she was welcome to come on the trip, even to get there early if she wanted to. Indirect, like everything had always been because it had to be.
Instead he just asked. “If he does take over by then, will you fly up with me?”
“Yes.” She answered so quickly she almost cut him off. She hadn’t even thought to hesitate.
Jack’s shoulders relaxed visibly. She hadn’t been aware they were tense until she saw them drop. But he spoke as if it were no big deal.
“Good. I’ll get two tickets. I have a bunch of miles. Should I try to upgrade us?”
She considered balking at letting him buy her ticket—it would bolster any later case against them, and it might make him think she expected him to pay for everything—then decided she simply didn’t care.
“Yes, please.”
Hard to know what to say after that. They still couldn’t really say much yet. Even making these plans was risky. In lieu of words, Sam leaned against Jack’s shoulder, he rested his cheek against her hair, and they sat there for a moment. She thought about fishing, and not fishing, and wished she were brave enough to ask Jack what he was thinking about.
This was happening. They were actually going to do this.
Emotions and thoughts flooded her, too fast to capture or categorize. She let them go for the moment and allowed herself to bask in the warmth and excitement they left behind.
A rousing victory cry from inside the house broke the spell and they both straightened up and slid off the railing to go back inside. Jack held the door for her, even though it was a sliding door, and when she passed him she smelled his fabric softener and woodsy deodorant and had to clench her hands into fists to keep from running her fingers across his chest.