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His shoes squealed as he ran down the hallway, his bag jumbling across his back. His mouth still tasted like sleep, and one of his shoes was still untied.
How could you be so incompetent? You shouldn’t have even gone back to sleep, now he’ll be mad at you.
You’re a second year student, you shouldn’t be so irresponsible, you can’t be a hero if you keep messing up like this. He’s told you how many times now? You have to be more responsible. You can’t keep being such a problem child.
You can’t save anyone if you can’t even stay awake.
His feet slid to a stop in front of the intimidating classroom door, he reached out to tug open the door, finding it already shut and locked. The new rule, (implemented after a particularly scary villain attack) meant that the doors to classrooms had to be locked during class times, and once again managed to screw Izuku over.
He let out an exasperated groan, giving into a hesitant knock. He ignored the jumpy feeling he got in his chest when Aizawa sensei peered out at him from the doorway.
Look how disappointed he is.
He stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. He looked him up and down before crossing his arms.
“Problem child.” His teacher’s endearingly tired voice was laced with something akin to disapproval. “You’re almost twenty minutes late.” The tired looking man sat there with an expression that clearly said he wanted an explanation.
Izuku didn’t bother coming up with one, he’d rather not be shouted at for whining over a stupid nightmare. Just because Aizawa sensei had been kind to him didn’t mean he would put up with his issues. Bad dream’s weren’t an excuse, and panicking over one wasn’t logical.
“I thought you said you set an alarm.” He did. He set it, but he just couldn’t get up when it shouted at him.
He didn’t wake up when Kaminari and Eijiro called him, he knew it was an issue. He didn’t need Aizawa sensei looking at him like that to make him feel bad.
“Problem child look at me.” Izuku kept his eyes on his untied shoe instead, hoping to forget the feeling of guilt that bloomed in his stomach. “You’re training to be a pro hero. You can’t be irresponsible, you need to get it together.” He lowered his voice. “I know it’s been hard since..your mother-” Izuku didn’t want to think about that. “She left because she couldn’t see what you were becoming.”
She left because she knew he wouldn’t actually change. He wasn’t ever going to be what he needed to be, he’d never be better than a useless, and hopeless deku.
He would never be the hero he was supposed to be, he would be like she always said.
Not good enough.
“If you want to be more than what she thought you were, you have to put the effort in.”
Oh but he had been, he had tried so hard to master one for all-it was just a little hard for him to get under control. It just kept changing-and he could hardly keep up.
Maybe it was him.
He thought he had been doing well.
“We were going over the study guide for next semester, so I hope you remembered your notebooks.” He gave him a final glance before reopening the door. “Go to your seat problem child."
Izuku realised a little too late that having his shoelaces untied may cause an accident. He stepped into his row, feeling the eyes of the occasional classmate on him before feeling the horrific feeling of falling forward. He landed awkwardly on one knee, and both hands. His bag, and the wide eyes of several of his classmates made it hard to get up.
The rest of the day went similarly. He kept managing to gain those disappointed looks, and those all too familiar frowns.
He knew he was making a mess of things, and he knew it wasn’t good enough. Nothing he could do yet was good enough. He wasn’t what people would want to save them, and it was starting to show.
He let his own petty feelings get in the way of what he was supposed to be doing, and it made him a worse hero because of it.
After an entire day of disappointment he felt relatively numb.
The kind of numb where everyone else disappears from around him, and all he can be bothered to do is stare at the lunch table. The kind of numbness where Izuku feels as if he’s slowly fading out of existence.
Like there’s nothing real anyway.
Where none of the thoughts he had fought since middle school could reach him.
He spent most of the day fading in and out of that, coming back to people who didn’t realise he was gone, and even more thoughts than he had left behind.
If he thought he had been feeling drained after the first period, he must be dead now.
He could already tell he wasn’t going to get much sleep.
Maybe if he stayed up, he’d get a chance to work on his training and the study guide. Maybe work out what he could do to make himself better?
Yeah, that would work.
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By morning Izuku had become distraught. He had come up with a conclusion.
He wasn’t good enough, and there was nothing he could do to change that. He could try, and try, but he would never be.
That’s why he felt so wrong and bad. That’s why he felt like a liar when someone called him a hero-because he wasn’t.
He was trying too hard to be something he would never be.
All Might said he would be someone people would see-and when they did they’d feel inspired. They’d see his mighty smile and realise everything would be okay when he said his catchphrase.
But that wasn’t him-that was who he was supposed to be, someone just out of his reach. That was someone else-someone Izuku could never be.
Everyone saw it eventually.
Nighteye knew who really deserved it, and he was right.
Someone brighter, someone who could smile through everything-someone logical, and brave and smart. Someone who was better than Izuku.
Even Aizawa sensei saw it.
He knew the reason his mother left him-all because he wasn’t who he should be-he was a phony. Nothing like who he should be.
They were too committed, his friends, his family-they had all put too much wasted time and energy into him. His partners’ they didn’t deserve him-they both deserved better than him, and he had to make sure they got it.
They had to be suffering didn’t they? Tolerating him the way they had been. Dealing with him, and encouraging him to do something they knew he couldn’t do.
They probably couldn’t wait until he figured it out for himself.
He had to get out of this, and he knew they wouldn’t let him go out easily. They were all too nice, and he was much too tired. Much, much, too tired to stay in everybodies way.
He knew how to do it.
How to get out of the little trap he had ensnared himself in.
He was so stupid to have gotten stuck in the first place.
He should’ve known better than this in the first place.
At least he knew how to get out.
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Shota was, and is not a stupid man. He knew something was up with his problem child when he knocked on the classroom door.
He looked like he hadn’t slept at all (and he would know), and he didn’t even take the time to brush his teeth-or tie his shoes.
He could’ve brushed it off of course, decided that Izuku just didn’t want to be any later than he was. Decided that he just didn’t want Shota scolding him.
He would’ve left it to be forgotten if he didn’t see Izuku the rest of the day. He spent most of it quiet, regardless of the topic or of the situation.
He seemed almost absent. Like he hadn’t been there since their conversation that morning.
He knew it must have been something he said that morning-he had meant what he said about being irresponsible, but he shouldn’t have said anything about the boy’s mother-it wasn’t exactly called for.
Shota thought about what he could do to make it better on his way to his classroom. He needed to get his presentation on the board.
When he came in however-he was shocked to see Izuku there before him, and his fellow classmates.
He grinned at him when he came into the classroom, but all Shota could focus on was the heavy bruise-like bags under his eyes.
“Hello Aizawa sensei!” Awfully upbeat for someone up so early.
“Yeah...hello problem child.” Shota got ready for the day, and watched Izuku in the meantime.
He sat there with an almost hysterical grin on his face whenever someone so much as glanced at him.
It was...off putting.
So he had him stay after first period.
He stood near the door, a somewhat immovable smile still plastered on his face.
Like that’s not creepy.
“Problem child?” He should’ve planned what he was going to say to him. “What time did you go to sleep last night?” Problem child licked his lips, looking slightly off put before answering.
“Well-I-I uh I didn’t get tired last night-so I just didn’t? But it’s fine! I mean, I just took the extra time to work out and stuff.” Shota stared at him.
“You didn’t sleep at all?”
“Uh-no, but I was here on time-”
“Problem child no. ” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t just stay up all night.”
“Well-”
“No ‘well’ I’m sending you back to the dorms. You can’t just not sleep and then stay up all day. It’s bad for you, and it can harm your performance in class, and one day in the field. I’m excusing you to go back to the dorm to sleep. ” He crossed his arms, pursing his lips in an awkward way.
“I-I was supposed to-”
“Problem child. You’re going back to the dorms, and you’re going to sleep.”
He stared at him for a minute before curtly nodding.
“Okay.” He took a deep breath before grinning again.
That looks painful.
“Okay Aizawa sensei, goodbye.” He opened the door to disappear.
“Goodnight problem child-I’ll see you tomorrow.”
At least he put a stop to that before he hurt himself.
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Things were tense today. Like something terrible had happened somewhere behind the scenes.
It was hard to break the awkwardness of the silence.
“Where do you think he went?”
Eijiro had been...confused when he couldn’t find Izuku the next period-and he got even more confused when the trend continued.
“Maybe he just went back to bed. I know I want to.” He shook his head at Kaminari.
“I’m not letting you fail the whole semester because you ‘forgot’ the study guide.”
“That was once , and I was sick most of it anyway.” Kaminari took his hand from his side, and started to fiddle with his fingers.
The elevator came into view at the end of the hall.
“Y’think Izuku was...off this morning?” He stared at Kaminari for a second.
He was kind of...weird.
“Yeah...but he was probably just overworked. Y’know how he is, he’ll work himself unconscious if Mr. Aizawa lets him.”
Again.
“Yeah-he was just like... really …weird I guess.”
He knew what he meant. Izuku had been disorientingly quiet yesterday, and almost inordinately happy this morning. It was off putting, and kind of creepy, but who was Eijiro to ruin his fun?
That wouldn’t be manly of him.
The elevator doors closed, and Kaminari came up with an idea.
“What if we make Izuku help us study instead?” Eijiro looked at him.
“I guess we could ask.” Izuku would probably be way too willing. The primary subject of homeroom was supposed to be analysis and his favoritism wasn’t exactly a secret.
He’d probably enjoy that.
The elevator doors opened again, and they stepped out onto their desired floor.
“Let’s go get him Ei.” Kaminari dragged him down the hallway, stopping a few inches from Izuku’s door. Eijiro raised his fist to knock-being cut off by a round of noises from inside.
The two partner’s shared a look.
“Izuku? Eijiro and I came to see you!” Kaminari rapped at the door, receiving less than a stellar answer. Eijiro grasped the thin doorknob, looking the multitude of all-might stickers in the eye before opening the door.
Sprawled on the floor was the distorted body of what should've been Izuku. He should’ve been sitting up and talking to them, he should’ve been laughing at something one of them said-or grinning and showing them something he did in his journal.
He should’ve been breathing.
Kaminari made a noise that failed to distract him from the horror they had found on the floor. Eijiro stepped back as blood pooled further around the side of Izuku’s head. His stomach churned at the sight of Izuku’s blank face.
Kaminari was breaking his fingers at this point, attempting to pull him back out of the room as his eyes started to burn. His throat tightened as the door shut in front of him. He looked at Kami, finding him shakily trying to retrieve his phone. He made nearly desperate noises as he struggled to open it.
“We need an adult.”
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Hizashi had been on the couch with his husband, english papers in hand, when Shota’s phone rang. He didn’t answer the obnoxious ringtone until the fourth ring, giving Hizashi a tired look before mouthing the name ‘Denki’ at him.
Probably another question about homework. He had trouble with that sometimes.
As Hizashi watched his husband's face melt into something between horrified and panicked he realised it most likely wasn’t about homework. Shota tossed the (still on) phone onto the couch, and headed for his shoes. He didn’t bother with more than his slippers however before he left the apartment.
What was Hizashi to do if not follow him?
So there he was, glassesless, and missing a proper pair of shoes, as he followed his husband into height’s alliance. The confused students gained nothing from Shota as he pressed on.
“Hey little listeners-uh stay down here.” He got more disgruntled and confused looks as he chased after the man he married. He caught up to him as he went towards the stairs, grabbing onto Shota’s shoulder. “Sho, what’s happening-I don’t-what’s going on?” Shota made an upset noise as he shrugged out of Hizashi’s grip. He jogged up the stairs, and Hizashi groaned.
He was still covered in leather, he wasn’t ready to hear his knee’s scream.
Hizashi followed him up, barely getting to see him disappear into the second floors’ door. He panted before following him up the other flight of stairs, confused on how he disappeared so quickly.
In the tiled hall, Denki sat on the ground next to Izuku’s door, holding his head a little too heavily in his hands as he made a noise that was concerningly sob like. Kirishima leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the wall across from him.
Denki spotted him, and raised his arms like what they had started to expect from Eri. Hizashi cautiously walked down the hallway, keeping his green eyes locked on Izuku’s door. Denki gave up on getting a hug before Hizashi got over there.
He wished he hadn’t peeked inside that room.
Hizashi, as a pro hero, had seen some fucked up shit , but he had a small list of things he never wanted to see again.
Shota cradling a bloody Izuku was now at the top of said list.
As he came further into the room, it became abundantly clear that he would never have the option of seeing it again. For some reason that hurt worse.
His vision was blurred by his lack of glasses, but he was all too able to see the blood that soaked into Shota’s slippers-and his pants legs, and the hauntingly blank stare that covered Izuku’s face. Hisashi’s stomach churned as he tried not to look at Shota.
Shota hadn’t cried since Oboro.
Hizashi didn’t blame him for crying now however. That was his problem child-his problem child which he found dead in his dorm.
Hizashi put his hands on Shota’s shoulders, flinching at the muttered pet name he repeated.
“Sho?” His vision got hot and blurry as he attempted to peel Shota away from Izuku.
Someone needed to be the adult.
“He’s dead Hizashi-why-why’s he gone-I don’t-”
“I know Sho-”
“No! No-he was fine-he was fine this morning-he-he said he was tired-I don’t-I don’t want him to be dead Hizashi-He-He can’t be dead. He was fine this morning-” Hizashi managed to peel him off of Izuku, and drag him slightly out.
They needed to do something-talk to someone who wasn’t stricken with grief.
It hurt -and it just got worse the more you thought about it-what exactly are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do when someone-no a kid that you were supposed to be caring for-protecting and keeping safe-what are you supposed to do when they die ? When they die, and you didn’t know they were even thinking about something like that.
They needed to get the kids away from here-Shota too, and get someone to take care of it.
Hizashi dragged Shota out of the room, seeing the smears of blood his husband left behind through his blurry irises.
He couldn’t leave him there with Izuku.
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He was dead.
His problem child was gone, and it was his fault. He knew he wasn’t doing well, and he pushed him, and then he decided he’d rather be gone than struggle any longer.
Shota had pushed him too far hadn’t he? He was too brash, and he didn’t care enough.
It had to have been him.
Him who didn’t make Izuku feel better-who didn’t see the signs, or him that did something that made this happen.
His pant’s were dry with his problem child’s blood. His problem child who he would never see again. Never see him progress-never see that face he made before he laughed, and who he’d never see the curly green hair that he owned suddenly bounce into his eye-line.
He’d never hear him get excited enough to mutter again-and he’d never so much as scold him again.
All because Shota was too much of an insensitive, inconsiderate, emotionless robot who relied on logic, or what he deemed logical, whether he hurt someone or not.
He was too stubborn to do anything else.
You shouldn’t be allowed around children.
His eyes were too wet to watch them move Izuku’s body-and he couldn’t look at the thick letter that was taped to Izuku’s desk.
He thought he saved him. That after his mother left him, Shota and Hizashi might be able to save him-to put him in a safe-stable home, one where he could become better than anyone said he’d ever be.
He had been wrong.
He leaned heavily into his husband. He made the kids go to their dorms-well, someone’s dorm.
Kirishima and Denki were cooped up with each other, and Hizashi hadn’t left him alone since.
He should’ve seen it.
He should’ve done something.
He should’ve been there.
He shouldn’t have let him cope on his own.
Maybe if he had been better, he’d still have his problem child.
He shouldn’t have lost him. Izuku Midoriya should’ve outlived him by fifteen years at least.
It should’ve been you.
Shota’s heart was breaking in half, and it should’ve been him.
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The dorms were quieter than normal. Icey cold-and painfully silent. Izuku’s death brought nothing but pain to the class.
Bakugou and some of the other’s spent the week off in their dorms.
Height’s alliance had lost the friendliness that had inhabited it less than a month ago.
It was a newly somber place where the students grieved.
Izuku wasn’t supposed to die , none of them were.
Especially not like that.
He was supposed to be a hero with the rest of them-graduate with them-fight with them.
Instead he stopped his hero career before it began.
There were a couple kids in the school-they said that he shouldn’t have wasted his time in the hero course just to do that.
That he shouldn’t have been so selfish-that there were kids out there that were strong enough.
Those kids were shown the error of their ways.
They were missing a part of their class-and that absence stung. The class (when resumed) was too quiet. The class wasn’t loud enough, with the scratches of pens-and the shuffling of papers it became all too clear that Midoriya’s muttering was missing.
It was painful.
Knowing that reality was cruel-and that it took people from them. That this was real-that he was gone, and that he wasn’t coming back.
It tore them apart.
Especially after the note was read.
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I’m sorry to have gone out like this.
I didn’t mean to get all of your hopes up. All of you were wonderful to me, and I’m sorry to have let you all down. I’ve felt like a liar ever since I joined UA and I finally realised why.
I was never going to be a hero, and I shouldn’t have wasted all of this time denying it. I am so thankful for you guys, for Aiawa sensei, and Yamada sensei for taking me in when they had better things to do-and better people to do it for. And I’m thankful for all of you-thank you for teaching me, I know you didn’t have to-and that I should’ve been expelled on the first day.
I’m so happy to have made friends-and had partners-but I just couldn’t be what I was supposed to. I know I failed you all-and you have the right to be angry with me for all of your wasted time, but please don’t be too upset about this.
I’ve gotten told these kinds of things my entire life-that I was delusional, and stupid for trying-that I was a quirkless nobody who would be lucky to make it to eighteen.
It took me forever to realise they were right.
I need to apologise to you All Might, I know I let you down-and I know I’m sorry to have taken your quirk in the first place. It was too much for a quirkless deku like me. I thought I could take it, but I was far too weak for it. You should’ve listened to Sir Nighteye. I was never good enough for one for all, and I’m sorry to have to kill it off like this.
I’m so happy to have known all of you, but you deserve better.
And thank you Kacchan-you knew all along that I’d never be a hero, and I’m happy to finally be able to take your advice.
Thank you all for being the best friends and family I’ve ever had.
Maybe I’ll see you in the next life-or maybe not, who knows.
I love you, and goodbye.