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"It’s worth the risk.”
As Raven helped Bellamy prepare for the mission Octavia felt anger and fear well up inside her. Not because she was scared for her brother’s life or for Lincoln’s life, although she was. Not because she didn’t agree with Clarke. Bellamy had been right when he said they needed an inside man, and as much as she wanted to go with them, she knew she had to be a link between her people and the grounders in Lincolns stead.
No it wasn’t so much the plan in itself that had formed the burning fire inside her, or that had made her heart feel both very heavy and at the brink of breaking. It was the look on her brother’s face when Clarke had told him his life was worth risking.
It was Bellamy staring into the fire and saying “He’d do anything for her, to protect her. It just makes sense”. It was Bellamy reaching out to smash the cup out of Clarke’s hand when he thought it was poisoned. It was her knowledge of her brother’s capability of love and most of all her knowledge of how he gave himself up completely for the people he cared about. Octavia had experienced that love and its consequences first hand. Bellamy had been willing to kill so she would not go to earth alone. She did not want to find out what he was willing to do for Clarke.
She had seen how her brother looked at their medic, she had seen the way he almost always had an eye on her, how his gun was always ready whenever she put herself in danger. She had seen him running after Clarke when she went out to confront Lexa. She had seen his face when Lincoln had asked how he’d known that Gustus had poisoned the drink and if not before that, she in that moment felt she could look right into Bellamy’s heart.
“He’d do anything for her, to protect her.”Her brother had said and looked down. “It just makes sense.”
Octavia had known then from the look on his face that he wasn’t really thinking about the Grounder Commander and her right hand. She’d suspected his thoughts were with a certain brave blonde and Bellamy’s reaction when Clarke told him to go confirmed that.
“I thought you hated that plan. That I would get myself killed.” He’d said and the pain and vulnerability in his voice had cut right into Octavia’s heart. Stupid big brother. She’d known for a while that Bellamy cared about Clarke, his initial dislike and mistrust turning into respect, turning to admiration, turning to love even. And she’d thought that Clarke might feel the same way.
It was stupid. They could not really afford to think like this, not when they were all risking their lives and fighting to survive nearly every day. But when she saw Bellamy’s face she also knew that she could not afford to ignore this. Her brother was in love and her brother did stupid reckless things when he loved someone. Maybe it was worth risking Bellamy’s life to save their friends, but she would not let Bellamy risk his life for Clarke. Not thinking Clarke did not care about him. She could not let him sacrifice everything for Clarke, like he had done for her.
And Clarke. Octavia did not believe for one second that she did not care about her brother. She knew Clarke needed Bellamy. Needed him as a leader and a friend. But she had also seen Clarke come running across the Ark’s camp to throw herself in Bell’s arms. That Clarke and this Clarke seemed so far apart, did not seem to be the same person. Octavia could understand what killing Finn must have done to Clarke, but there was more to this. Octavia had been right behind them as they’d walked to Lincoln’s village. Clarke had been reaching out to Bellamy then and now she was shutting him out. Octavia did not know what had changed, but she could not let her brother go on, what was potentially a suicide mission, thinking that Clarke did not care about his life. He could not and he would not.
She would make sure of it.