Chapter Text
It was an average morning in Mondstadt. Wagner was hitting the iron (I wish he'd hit me like that mmmmmmmm daddy). He had always been a hard worker, but a little rude. However, no one cared about his brash persona because his work was of such high quality.
At around noon, Shrek woke up and chose violence. His swamp was just outside of Mondstadt, and he felt like ruining someone's day. He began his trek to the city's gate. When he arrived, the guards tried to stop him from entering. Unfortunately, they failed miserably. Every Knight of Favonius other than Captain Kaeya and Traveler were completely useless.
As soon as Shrek walked in, he saw a man who radiated almost as much daddy energy as himself. He carefully approached him. He felt an immediate connection to the blacksmith, and hoped that the hottie would feel the same.
"My darling, you are like an onion. You have many layers," Shrek said seductively.
Wagner was about to say something either rude or racist, until he looked at the ogre in front of him. He immediately began blushing. The ogre was so tall, and so daddy. He couldn't help but immediately fall in love with him.
"W-W-Who are you?" Wagner stuttered. He had never felt this way before. His nervousness shone through his speech.
"I am Shrek," Shrek replied. "Shawty, ever since I saw you two minutes ago, you have been in my mind. Shawty's like a melody in my head~"
Wagner had heard of Shrek before, but had no clue that he was THIS hot. "I-I'm Wagner. Would you be interested in going on a date? Oh wait, sorry. I forgot that you are known for being married to Fiona."
"Fiona doesn't need to know," Shrek said with a wink.
Shrek took Wagner by the hand and led him to Angel's Share. They ordered some dandelion wine. They got slammed, and left stumbling, and hanging onto each other for support.
"It's not even three, you alcoholics!" a stranger shouted at them. Shrek punched that Karen so hard she flew all the way to Liyue Harbor.
"You could have just left her," Wagner said, slurring his words.
"I was just doing some community service," Shrek replied smoothly.
"Understandable, have a nice day," Wagner replied. Wagner went back to his blacksmith stand, and continued his work. It was a little dangerous because he was drunk, but his daddy energy carried him through.
Shrek went back to his swamp. He took a mud bath, and planned a romantic date for his sweet onion. He couldn't wait to see Wagner again.
#Shragner