Chapter Text
Izuku has been in love with Katsuki for as long as he can remember. And he always believed the opposite was also the truth.
They've been a pair for so long they could never pinpoint when or where it started.
Izuku has always been Katsuki’s and Katsuki has always been Izuku’s. From kindergarten playmates to best friends to lovers. Inside four walls at least, but they were so young and stupid, it made sense to be sneaky about what they were doing.
It made it seem like their love was an adventure for them both only.
They didn't interact much in school, Katsuki had his own group of friends and they weren't very fond of Izuku.
It was ok though, as soon as they were outside of the gates and on their way home Katsuki was all over him as he always was. Apologizing for once again not doing anything while Izuku got tossed around, he was scared that if people found out they would be even more targeted.
Izuku that is, of course, Katsuki is looking out for him keeping his distance. He loves Izuku so very much. It pains him to see him suffer.
They study together and stay in each other's houses until their parents are back from work. Sometimes Katsuki goes out with his friends and Izuku goes home alone.
They can't be too obvious, even if they live close to each other is weird they always leave together.
Izuku is happy, he can't wait for high school where they will be able to be closer. The problem you see, they don't go to the same high school at all.
Katsuki thinks is weird Izuku doesn't remember but of course he told him he was applying to that other school in another prefecture. Is the best there is, of course he would want to go there.
And that makes sense. Katsuki is amazing, how could he not study at the best school.
Even his parents were surprised, they were so sure he was applying with Izuku. But, again, if Katsuki wants the best is what he gets.
It is good too because it means he will be able to attend the top universities with his grades and that also means a good future for both of them.
Izuku is elated he is thinking about their future already! He will also make sure to study a lot!
Their time together is cut short. Katsuki leaves his home very early and comes back later than most. Sometimes he doesn't come back at all.
He is part of so many clubs and extra courses, all in the name of his - their future.
Izuku is so proud of him. Even if they haven’t seen each other in months. When they have weekends free Katsuki always has to study or is so tired.
But that's also ok, they have their whole lives to enjoy together. Katsuki always makes sure to text him and sometimes when they meet, he is still so affectionate it makes all the hard work worth it.
They will be graduating soon and Izuku also has his friends and they spend a lot of time together, sometimes Izuku doesn't tell Katsuki that.
He doesn't like his friends very much. He is worried they will steal Izuku away.
Even if that is not possible at all.
When they finally, finally get to uni, even if not on the same one Izuku thinks this is it.
They rent an apartment together and are always in each other's spaces. Izuku leaves earlier to go to his classes and he loves talking about the boyfriend that waits for him at home.
Be it to his friends or even to his coworkers at the convenience store.
Being out in the open is so rewarding.
Katsuki has night shifts at the restaurant he works at, so they overlap with Izuku's schedule sometimes.
But they spend so much time together it doesn't matter most days.
They have home dates on the weekends and Katsuki is always cooking for them. When they cannot see each other Izuku goes out with his friends or study at the uni library until late.
Katsuki always meets him at the station when that happens.
Izuku has this one friend that he considers his best one. She knows everything about his life and his puppy love.
She doesn't like it one bit. She is always pointing him things he doesn't mind much as if they are bad things. It makes him feel weird and a bit sad, he avoids talking to her about it.
He doesn't know Katsuki's friends much, he is not one to talk a lot about them, but they make him happy so he already likes them.
He meets one of them one day. He is coming back home from his job when he sees a girl pacing in front of their building.
“Hi, do you live here?”
She smiles at him and Izuku thinks she is pretty and extremely friendly.
“Yeah, I do, can I help you?”
“Please! I want to surprise a friend, their birthday is coming up and I brought a gift! But I don’t know the number of their apartment and don’t want to call them not to ruin the surprise”
She shows him a small gift bag and Izuku thinks is so sweet of her.
“Of course, let me buzz you in, you can look for the names on the plates, not all of them are complete here on the intercom”
He knows that because their apartment has both their names on the door but only Izuku’s on the intercom. The space is too small to put both and Katsuki said he didn’t expect to receive any visitors so it only made sense.
They go up the stair talking to each other and Izuku is surprised to find out she is the same age as him. She also goes to Katsuki’s university but he won’t say so, he learned Katsuki doesn’t like him blabbing about their lives to strangers.
He comes to his door and is about to tell her this is it for him when he sees her looking at their nameplate.
The door is open before he can’t even think of what to say.
“What took you so long nerd, dinner is ready!”
Then Izuku moves in front of the door, confusion still clear on his face.
“Kats? Hi!”
The girl is now in view and Katsuki looks like he just saw a ghost.
“I thought you lived alone! I came to give you a birthday surprise gift!”
Katsuki is still standing there shocked and Izuku starts to get nervous with the awkward silence.
“I'm sorry, I think I missed your name?”
“Oh, I'm Camie! You must be Kats roommate?”
“Yes, my roommate”
Izuku can feel his heart stopping. His what?
“Kacchan...”
“Awn, such a cute nickname! You must be such good friends!”
Izuku can hear her but he can't take his eyes out of Katsuki's frantic face. Is like he is asking for Izuku to deny them.
To lie and say they are roommates, even though is an only bedroom apartment and they have only one bed. Even though they have matching rings on a chain around their necks that obviously state otherwise.
Even though he has not even once denied their relationship to his own friends.
He can feel all of the alarms going off in his head, all of the moments he felt insecure about their relationship but forced through it because they loved each other and Katsuki was just reserved with his life blasting to the front of his mind. All the warnings his friends told him about and he played it off.
His chest hurt so much he felt he would pass out from the lack of air. He was griping his bags so hard his knuckles had run white.
That was it wasn't it? Katsuki was embarrassed by him. Had never even told his friends about him. And now a beautiful girl was looking as confused as Izuku was on their doorstep.
Most probably as in love with Katsuki as Izuku was too.
He drops the things he bought for dinner on their doorstep and turns away.
“Deku!”
He has given no more than five steps when he hears Katsuki shouting.
“Don’t worry /Kats/ I will leave you two alone, let me know when you leave so I can come back home”
“Deku is not what you think”
He turns back to him, tears in his eyes and pain so strong he might as well just rip his heart in two right there.
“I don't even know what to think Katsuki, should I tell you all the things I have in my mind right now?”
Katsuki stood silent.
“I thought so. Fuck you Katsuki! I hope you have fun with her to make it worth it”
“No, Deku, please, let me explain”
“Explain to her how you have a roommate and only one bed Katsuki. Good luck with that”
Izuku trades his hands through the chain he carries with him everywhere and tugs it free from his neck.
He wants to say something, anything wants to give him a good beating and crawl in the dirt floor of the hallway crying asking him why.
He wants to be mad and wants to fly out of there just so he can cry his heart out.
But he is mute. His hands are badly shaking and he can feel the tears falling on his cheeks.
His throat hurts from lack of air and there’s a headache coming and it hasn’t even been five minutes since their encounter.
He throws the chain at the ground, ring rolling on the floor to stop at Katsuki's feet.
How ironic. He was the one who bought them.
“No, Deku...”
He can’t answer that anymore. He turns around and runs away.
Later he would remember wishing Katsuki had run after him. When he didn't, Izuku understood he had made a choice.
He would come back when he knew Katsuki would be working and grab all his things, leave his keys and rip his name from their door frame.
-
It had been five years since that day and to say Izuku hasn’t looked back once would be a blatant lie.
Katsuki had been his centre for far too long that it took him several falls to learn how to walk alone again. He had more bad days - and nights - he could count in his head, way more than he wished he had.
He had nightmares and daylight terrors. He cried and screamed and laughed he thought he would go crazy.
Izuku alternated between feeling sorry for himself while trying to hate Katsuki and thinking he might be the stupidest person alive not to have seen it before.
He felt sorry for Katsuki when he understood he was afraid of who they were, of their love and still it didn't deter him from feeling so much sorrow and hurt from the realisation he had lost almost five years of his life with him.
Someone that might even have loved him. But not enough to love him completely.
That he had been hidden and lied to without even knowing. So blindly in love, he disregarded so much for Katsuki.
Just so he could hold on to those moments of affection at the end of the day. Those small demonstrations of care and companionship.
He could see now how damaging that had been.
He was thankful he had amazing friends that supported him, even though he knew they were itching to say they told him so, and probably slap Katsuki face for good measure.
They took him in and allowed him to bawl his eyes out for months no end.
He changed jobs for one closer to his uni and got a - real - roommate to share his new home.
Shinsou was a great friend even though they barely saw each other due to their hectics schedules and unhealthy sleeping habits. But he was a grounding force on his home and Izuku rejoiced on feeling safe inside four walls again.
He also changed his number because if he had to deal with another drunk call from Katsuki he would probably need an alibi and he was too young for jail.
To his defence, Katsuki tried almost everything to try and get Izuku to talk to him once again in the first few months.
He called, texted, emailed, dmed and everything else that didn't involve any type of personal interaction. And when Izuku didn't answer, he showed up at his uni.
He didn't know where he was living now so it seemed like the last method available.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just want to talk Deku”
Izuku had his best friends behind him, backing him up and keeping him from crumbling to the ground before he could send Katsuki packing.
He was not ready for a conversation and didn't think he would be so soon. But he relented anyway because Katsuki was still Katsuki and Izuku knew there was no way he would be able to deny him in this lifetime.
“Talk then”
Katsuki looked around, clearly bothered by so many eyes on him, before shuffling on his feet.
“Can we... Can we go somewhere more private?”
It broke Izuku to see him so vulnerable and still so stupid, so selfish, so incapable of seeing Izuku as he deserved.
“If you have anything to say Katsuki, you can say it here. I've never hidden who I am or who I loved”
It might have been the past tense on the feelings he had for him, which clearly was a lie, or just the fear of being exposed but Katsuki looked like he might puke right then and there.
His hands were grabbing at his bag for dear life but he seemed to have no words left.
“And here I thought you would be sorry enough if you came all the way to see me in person. It doesn't look like it”
Izuku grabbed Ochako by the hand and for the second time in his life, he turned his back to Katsuki and walked away.
“Wait, Deku!”
“If you show up here once again with that shit excuse of an attitude, I will call the cops and ban you from the grounds. Don’t test me”
Shouto slapped Katsuki's outstretched hand and turned to follow them away.
Izuku never saw him again. At least, not in person.
He didn't have him on any social platform, but Katsuki became quite the name when he took over his parent's clothing line and doubled its size while still in college.
After he graduated, he was famous enough he would sometimes make news on some gossip magazine trying to set him up with any new model or actress he was seen with.
Izuku tried his best to avoid anything related to him, going as far as muting his name online but some things still scaped his protective net.
Usually, it happened when he was almost believing to have moved on. Of course, just so he could realise that would probably never happen.
He knew Katsuki had ruined him for life when every new date he went on efforts of forgetting him just made him remind him even more.
He also tended to go for arrogant hot-headed blonds and he could not pass that under the rug as coincidence.
He gave up dating on his own after a while and started trusting his friends to find someone suitable for him.
The best match yet became his roommate and they had no attraction for the other whatsoever.
So that wasn't going so well.
Which was fine. Izuku had lost too much time dedicated to a failed relationship. He could now use all that time and efforts into himself, his studies, new hobbies and self-care for all the puffy dark circles he acquired after crying sessions on his couch.
Another thing that consumed a great part of his time was allowing himself to forgive Katsuki.
The mere thought of it before would make his blood boil but time was something he now had in great volumes and is definitely true when they say it heals all things.
He opened his eyes to how incredible flawed their relationship had been since the very beginning and how much could have been saved if they had properly talked to each other.
Sure the lying and hiding were still Katsuki’s fault only and he still had scars from school years that would never heal completely but behind it all, lied one extremely insecure and frail boy that relied on his followers and his fame to feel some sort of comfort in his own skin.
And none of that was Izuku’s fault. Never had been.
None of that was their love’s fault either. It had never been wrong and should have never been hidden.
Izuku knew that and that's the reason his friends knew about Katsuki. But he wished he knew that sooner. He wished Katsuki knew how much he hurt him and continued to do so for years not acknowledging how important that was for Izuku.
He wished he could take back all the times he believed in the excuses for their distance in school and lack of public dates.
But truth was, he couldn't. So he worked on it and learning to forgive Katsuki was what made him breathe clearly once again.
There were still days he was bitter, but after so long, they were far and few in between. He promised himself he would never allow anyone to ever belittle their love or try to hide him behind closed doors.
And with that force with him, life became easier.
It was on a normal day like any other while he was having lunch in his office cafeteria, he heard a small commotion from the coffee room.
“Do you think he will finally admit to the affair?”
“Never, he hates talking about his personal life! But there's no way the baby is not his, they've been seeing together for months now!”
The coworker sitting in front of him sighed.
“They are talking about that hotshot again”
Izuku was none the wiser.
“Who?”
“The one from that fashion line? Blond angry guy, rich as hell and apparently single”
Izuku gulped his food. There were lots of people that fit that category.
It could be anyone. Right?
Yeah, sure.
The girls turned the tv on in the cafeteria just minutes later.
“Just a moment guys, there's a conference starting!”
They seemed to almost vibrate in excitement.
Izuku didn't dare to look at the screen but there was no way he could not hear the interview.
“Mr Bakugou is it true you are to be the father of renowned model Momo Yaoyorozu’s baby?”
Katsuki sighed and Izuku felt all of his nerves itching for him to leave that place.
“I summoned this conference to end all of the rumours once and for all but is still shitty of you that the first question on an interview with me is regarding my personal life”
There was a pause and everyone seemed to collectively hold their breaths.
“Which, everyone knows I prefer to leave as it is, personal”
Izuku closed his bento half-eaten and gathered his things to leave, he couldn't hear this, he would not survive knowing anything about Katsuki after all this time.
He was doing so well.
“But if you all must know, Momo is a dear friend of mine and I'm supporting her with the pregnancy because her real partner bolted as soon as he discovered about it. He's a piece of shit and we already took legal actions”
He just needed to leave, get up and leave. Let's go Izuku, move your muscles.
He took big steps to cross the cafeteria in time but he was still too far from the door when his heart stopped once again by something Katsuki said.
“And no, the baby could never be mine because I'm gay and although I can admire Momo’s beauty, I have no interest in her or any other model you vultures try to put me with. I've been in love with one man my whole life, and that will not change. Interview dismissed”