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Bellamy Blake is 13 years old when he first starts to understand how his mom is finding out about surprise inspections in advance. He's just old enough that the lingering looks, the extra touches, the low whispers tell him about her relationship with the inspector.
He asks her if Inspector Jones is her boyfriend one day and her face freezes up for a moment before she dismisses the question. If not, he asks, then why is he always touching you like that? She tells him that everything she does is to keep Octavia safe. He knows that already -- he and his mom have both gone hungry so Octavia can eat.
She tells him he'll understand when he's older. He resents it by the time he's in his late teens. Octavia is still too young, too sheltered, and she doesn't understand, but it makes Bellamy sick to his stomach when Inspector Grus puts his hand on her ass, and later, when she slips out of their quarters at night, but there's nothing he can do.
Everything is for Octavia.
***
Bellamy loses his virginity when he is seventeen years old. Her name is Rebecca Kim and she's in his Earth Skills class. Her mom works in the hydroponics bay and her dad is a mechanic. They've been "dating," if you can call it that, for over a month, but so far it's all been hurried makeout sessions in empty classrooms and furtive touches under the table.
Then one day class is cancelled because the teacher is sick, and her parents are both at work. They have sex in her quarters, and it's awkward and doesn't last long, but it's still good. Their teacher is out sick for three days, and by the end of it Bellamy has learned every inch of Rebecca's body. He feels like something's changed inside him, like he's different somehow, and if his mom notices she doesn't say anything.
Rebecca dumps him a few weeks later, because she doesn't understand why they always have to go to her quarters and she's never allowed to see his.
After that, there are no more girlfriends.
***
Mom hits a dry spell when Bellamy is almost nineteen. She's still got the inspections covered but her man in the rations department has been reassigned to construction. After three weeks of giving up half his rations so that Octavia can eat, Bellamy decides to take matters into his own hands.
There is a man who works in the pantry, Oliver Jones, who he remembers from maybe four, five years back. He'd been there when his mom had tried to work her magic on Jones and failed. Mom had always been careful not to get angry and end up on the bad side of anyone they might have trouble with, but that time she'd been angry.
Bellamy still remembers Jones saying, "You're not my type, sweetheart, but that boy of yours has a real pretty mouth."
When he comes home late that night with extra rations tucked under his shirt, Octavia is ecstatic. Mom forces a smile, but while Octavia is eating she corners him and hisses in his ear, "Where did you get that?"
"From Jones, in the pantry," he replies in the same low whisper. The color drains out of her face and she grabs his shoulders and squeezes hard enough to leave bruises.
"Bellamy, tell me you didn't, please tell me you didn't."
His throat is still raw and his jaw aches. "My sister, my responsibility."
***
"Bell, what's it feel like to kiss someone?" Octavia asks him one night when their mom is out. She's fourteen years old, and he is twenty. She climbs into his bed, the way she always has when mom's not around. Their quarters only has two bunks, and Octavia has never in her life slept on her own. Her back is pressed to his chest, and his arm curls around her protectively.
"What kind of a question is that? You been reading romance novels again?" She jabs him with her elbow. "I dunno, nice, I guess. You'll find out some day."
There's silence for a moment, and then Octavia pushes his arm off so she can turn to face him. "When is that? You know I'm never going to be able to leave this room." Her voice catches and even though it's dark he knows she's close to tears. "I'll never be able to meet people, fall in love . . . " She sniffles, and adds in a small voice, "I'm going to die here, under the floor, when I'm old and all alone."
Bellamy strokes her hair and holds her until her breathing is back to normal, then slips his hand down her cheek to raise her chin and gently presses his lips to hers.
***
It becomes a thing that happens sometimes, when they're alone together. Curled up on the small mattress, just kissing, sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for an hour. As she gets older it starts to get more intense, her hands wandering over his chest and her tongue working into his mouth. Sometimes, when she thinks he's asleep, he can hear her breathing heavily while she touches herself, and feel her hips shifting in the small bed. He wonders if she knows what Mom is doing when she's out during the night.
Octavia is barely sixteen when she pushes the boundary further. They're kissing in the dark, and she pushes him back and climbs on top of him. They've been in this position before, with her sitting on his stomach, but this time she straddles his hips and rocks against him, and Bellamy can't help the reaction of his body. She takes his hands and puts them on her breasts, and he stops, holding perfectly still.
"O, what are you doing?"
"I want to, Bell. I've read all the sex ed chapters. I've watched all the old movies." She rocks her hips against him again and he draws in a sharp breath.
"This isn't the kind of thing you're supposed to do with your brother." Octavia just stares at him.
"Who else am I going to do it with?" And just like that, he caves. He always caves, always gives her what she wants, because Bellamy can't stand the thought of his sister going her whole life without knowing what physical intimacy feels like.
***
After the first time with Jones, it gets easier. Bellamy is glad for the fact that he can bring home some extra food and water, get some books for Octavia, keep track of inspections, without his mom having to roll over for anyone. Half the time he's the one who's out at night, not Mom, and that's okay because whenever Mom is out Octavia wants to have sex, and as much as Bellamy loves his sister he know's it's not really right.
Neither is sucking dicks for rations, but after a while it almost becomes normal.
He's had the fight with his mom about that, outside their quarters so Octavia wouldn't hear. When it comes down to it she can't stop him, and the fact is that she's getting older. She's not the young, shapely woman she used to be, but Octavia still needs to eat. And Bellamy?
Well, he's young and good-looking and women and men both want him.
It's not that he likes doing it -- he doesn't. Sometimes he even feels sick afterwards, and has to hide out in a bathroom stall until he can compose himself enough to go back home. There's a little bit of pride, though, in being the one who can provide for his family, and that's kind of fucked up but so is everything in his life.
In fact, with his position as a cadet in the guard going well and a regular supply of black market rations coming in, Bellamy gets a little too confident, a little too cocky. He starts to forget the fear of his childhood and think that he can make everyone happy and everything will always be okay.
It's a mistake that costs Octavia her freedom and his mother her life.
***
It's been a week since Octavia was taken away. A week since Mom was floated. Bellamy sits in the middle of his quarters and is more alone than he's ever been in his life. He's still not used to coming home to empty quarters, to not having Octavia always there, almost part of the landscape of this room.
He spins a pair of his mother's scissors in his hands, wondering how sharp the blades are.
She was your responsibility! Mom had shouted at him when they were taking her away. What were you thinking? How could you take a risk like that?
They didn't let him say goodbye to her. They didn't let Octavia say goodbye either. He'd been held in custody down the hall from the airlock to keep him from causing trouble, and he'd only seen her body shooting by outside the window, close enough to know it was her but too far to see her face.
Demoted to janitor, and barred from visiting his sister. It's better than he deserves. Bellamy swings the scissors open to their widest point and sets the blade against the sensitive skin of his wrist. He presses, just a little, and a thin red line appears, a single drop of blood welling up.
They're sharp enough, after all.
It's Octavia that stops him. There's still one more chance, the review when she turns 18, when she might be released, and no matter how badly he's screwed up, she's still his responsibility. He has to be there for her if she gets out, so he folds the scissors back up and stows them away in the sewing kit.
It's only later, when he's laying in bed alone in the dark, that he breaks down and cries.
***
Two weeks after Octavia is put in the Sky Box, Bellamy goes to Nygel. If he's not going to give up on everything, then he's damn well going to try his hardest to make things better.
When he shows up, she's sitting alone at her chessboard -- well, alone except for the enormous guy hanging in the background, keeping a watchful eye on everything. "Well, hello handsome," Nygel says, looking him over. "Sorry to hear about your mom. It's a shame to lose someone like that; she always came through on her end of the bargain."
"Thanks." He stops at the far side of the chessboard and stands awkwardly. He's worked with her before; anyone who's had anything to do with the black market has worked with her. She leaves him hanging for a moment, then leans back in her chair.
"I admit I was surprised to find out about your sister. Octavia, was it?" He nods shortly, irrationally angry at her just for saying Octavia's name. "Well. Sixteen years under the floor and none of us any the wiser. If I'd known, maybe I could have…"
"If you'd known you would have sold us out whenever it was convenient for you."
Nygel laughs. "You're probably right. What can I do for you, handsome?"
"They're not allowing Octavia any visitors. I want to see her, or at least get a message to her. I want to make sure she's taken care of while she's in the Sky Box, and I want to get her released when she's 18." Bellamy clenches his jaw at the amused expression on Nygel's face. He knows he's asking for a lot, but it's best to get it all out in the open.
"I can't do all of that. I don't have that kind of power."
"I'll take what I can get," he says, and she smiles.
***
It takes some time to fulfill the terms of their deal. The message is the quickest part -- she hooks him up with a new Sky Box guard she's worked with before. It turns out to be a woman from his cadet class whose advances he'd ignored while they were colleagues. He supposes he's already fallen so far in the eyes of everyone he worked with that it doesn't really change things for her to find out he's spent years trading sex on the black market. He fucks her on a Friday, and on Monday there's a note under his door in Octavia's tight scrawl. It just says, "Message received."
As for the rest, well, getting Octavia better treatment and passing messages back and forth is an ongoing process. Sex isn't enough to buy all of it; he spends a lot of extra hours scrubbing out people's toilets and moving various illicit items around the Ark in his mop bucket.
It also turns out Nygel has a thing for younger men. She trains him to eat her out just the way she likes it, and he comes to her once a week for six months to get the last part of their deal sorted out. Bellamy has had sex with a lot of people, but Nygel is probably the most uncomfortable of them all because she's the same age as his mother. Still, he thinks of Octavia and does what he has to do.
She gets him assigned to clean Councilman Kane's quarters.
***
One of the privileges of being on the council is having a janitor clean your personal quarters instead of having to do it yourself. The first time Bellamy goes into Kane's quarters, he just stares. The main room -- and yes, there are multiple rooms -- is easily four times the size of the room he shared with his mom and sister. When he gathers his jaw up off the floor he walks slowly through the rest of the rooms. There is a separate bedroom with an actual bed, instead of the narrow bunks he's used to. The bathroom, at least, is similarly equipped although more spacious.
His hands clench on the handle of the mop. Bellamy closes his eyes and breathes deeply. It takes several minutes to calm down enough to unclench his hands and get to work.
He cleans Kane's quarters twice a week for a month before the first time Kane is actually at home. He considers approaching him that time, the first time, to ask about Octavia, but decides against it. Kane is absorbed in something he's reading and barely notices Bellamy even exists.
For another month, it goes on like that. Sometimes Kane is home, sometimes not, and Bellamy holds back from saying anything, though he's not quite sure what he's waiting for. Sometimes he thinks he feels Kane's eyes on him while he works, but whenever he glances over Kane is reading or working at his desk.
Finally, one day, Bellamy is finishing up in the bathroom, on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor of the shower, when he hears the door swing open and slam shut. Kane walks into the bathroom and stops abruptly. "Oh, sorry," Kane says, "I didn't realize you were here."
Bellamy stands up and wipes his brow. "I was just finishing up." He stows the scrub brush in his cart and wipes his hands on a rag.
"It's Blake, right?" Bellamy nods and sticks his hand out.
"Bellamy Blake, sir." Kane's hand is warm and dry. His grip is firm and his smile friendly, and Bellamy tries not to think about the fact that Kane probably gave the order to have his mother floated.
"Blake . . . Blake, that name sounds familiar. Have we met before?"
"I've been cleaning your quarters for two months, Councilman." Bellamy manages a smile, and Kane laughs.
"I meant before that."
"No, sir. You probably know my name because of my sister."
"Sister . . . ?" Kane's eyebrows draw together in confusion, then his expression suddenly changes to pity. "The girl who was hiding under the floor, yes, I remember."
"Sir, I--" It's the opportunity Bellamy's been waiting for, but the words catch in his throat. He's suddenly angry, angry that he has to beg for his sister to have a chance to live, angry that people like Kane are getting rations and large quarters and his sister had to be jammed into that little hole and starve, angry at the whole damn human race for fucking things up so badly.
He clears his throat. "I don't suppose there's anything you can do to help her? Or to make sure she gets released at her review when she's eighteen?"
Kane drops his eyes and shakes his head. "She'll get a fair review just like everyone else. I can't give anyone special treatment. I'm sorry."
Bellamy bites back his anger, turning away to take off the brakes on the janitorial cart so that Kane won't see his face. He looks back when he's composed himself, and as he starts to leave, he puts a hand on Kane's arm, just below the elbow, his touch light. "If there's anything I can do to help my sister . . . anything . . . you know where to find me."
Kane looks away first.
***
Bellamy has been cleaning Kane's quarters for three months. They haven't spoken again since the first time, but he's felt Kane's eyes on him more than once.
Kane takes him up on his offer one day when the environmental system is malfunctioning. The temperature has been going up all afternoon, and it's hot enough that Bellamy has taken off the uniform shirt he was wearing to avoid getting sweat stains on it and is in only a tight-fitting undershirt. He's been scrubbing the sink and he knows Kane is watching him from the other room, following every movement while pretending he's reading.
He carefully lowers himself to all fours to work on the floor, knees spread apart farther than strictly necessary, hating himself for putting him body on display like this but knowing it's the only thing he can do to help Octavia. He's not sure which is worse -- the fact that he's treating himself like a sex object or the fact that it works.
Kane is turning off his display and standing, and Bellamy swallows tightly and keeps scrubbing. He pretends he doesn't hear Kane coming up behind him, but the steady strokes of his scrub brush come to a halt when Kane rests a hand on Bellamy's back, just above his right hip.
"Do you still want to help your sister?" Kane asks. Bellamy slowly sits back on his heels; it brings his head level with Kane's groin.
"Tell me what you want and I'll give it to you," he replies. His voice is gravelly with nerves but maybe Kane will think it's desire instead. Kane reaches out and cups the side of his face, and Bellamy turns his head into the caress. Kane's thumb brushes slowly over Bellamy's lips; Bellamy opens his mouth and sucks it in.
Later, when Bellamy is pulling his clothes back on, he says, "About my sister . . . ?"
Kane lays back against his pillows. "I'll think about it."
***
He lets Kane fuck him for three months, three months of "I'll think about it" and "I can't promise anything," and is it any wonder that when Shumway comes to him with a different offer he takes it?
Kill the Chancellor and get a spot on the dropship. It's all almost too easy.
If he can get on the ship, he'll get to see Octavia again, at least for a few minutes, before they both die of radiation poisoning. If he gets caught and floated, well, Octavia will be dead by then too, so what does he have to live for?