Archive of Our Own

When Buck walked into the firehouse that morning it was with an extra pep in his step. Today was his birthday!

He tried not to, but deep down Buck knew that he liked the extra attention he got on his birthday. It made him feel special. And if Eddie’s extra attention in particular made him feel good then that was his business and his business alone.

As he jogged up the stairs to the loft he tried not to smile too much. Bobby usually got him a coffee on his birthday, one of those expensive frappuchinos that Buck loved so much. Hen and Chim would usually sing to him, loud and completely embarrassing. He loved it.

Eddie, though. Eddie would give him a small smile and a big hug. Buck loved Eddie’s hugs. Even though he was shorter and less broad than Buck, Eddie had a way of making him feel small. Loved, protected, warm. He savoured each and every Eddie hug he got. He wished he could have more but he would take what he could get.

However, when Buck got up to the loft there was no overpriced, basically-a-milkshake, coffee waiting for him like usual. Chim and Hen were nowhere to be seen, Bobby was doing paperwork in his office, and Eddie was sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee and reading a book.

“Hey, man,” Buck said, clapping Eddie on the shoulder as he dropped down beside him. He desperately wanted to let his hand linger, maybe smooth out the tense line of his best friend’s shoulders — he was always so stressed — but he can’t. He’s done so well at keeping his feelings under wraps so far. It’s fine. They’re fine.

At one point, Buck had honestly thought maybe there were on the same page. That they were heading in the same direction. He knew that Eddie found him attractive, but he had actually started to believe that it could be something more. That Eddie might feel the same way.

But then Eddie had started dating the teacher and Buck had felt all that hope just vanish. It’s fine, he would just be the world’s greatest best friend and bury his deeper feelings. He could do it. All he wanted was for Eddie to be happy and if he was happy with the teacher — with Ana — then that was enough for Buck.

At least that’s what he told himself.

“Morning,” Eddie mumbled back, looking tired. He shook his head when Buck looked at him in concern, knowing what the other man was going to ask before he could open his mouth. “Don’t worry. Just didn’t sleep well.”

“Oh,” Buck replied, standing up to refill Eddie’s coffee and get one for himself. “Was it Christopher? He having trouble sleeping again?”

Eddie shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed. “N-no, it was me. Just, I, uh — I don’t know. I was up late thinking about something and then I couldn’t fall asleep afterwards.”

Buck hummed as he sat back down, sliding over Eddie’s coffee and trying not to beam in pride when Eddie took a sip and made a pleased sound. Buck knew exactly how he liked his coffee.

“You want to talk about it?” Buck asked, trying not to look as curious as he felt.

Eddie hesitated for a moment, something flashing in his eyes that Buck couldn’t quite read but was gone before he could look any closer. Eddie plastered on an easy smile, shaking his head no. “Nah, maybe later. It’s really nothing to worry about.”

“Okay…,” Buck trailed off. He didn’t believe Eddie but the other man clearly didn’t want to talk about it right now, so he dropped it. He’d find a way to bring it up later, maybe when they were back home— when they were at Eddie’s house. It was movie night tomorrow, maybe he could bring it up then after Christopher went to sleep.

Buck was stopped from saying anything else but the arrival of Hen and Chim, the two bickering as always.

“Buckaroo! Tell Henrietta here that I’m right!” Chim shouted, collapsing dramatically across from Buck.

Hen rolled her eyes, sitting next to him and reaching over to steal Buck’s coffee— which, hey— taking a sip before cringing. “Ugh, Buck, how can you drink this? It’s like syrup. Exactly how much sugar do you put in this?”

Buck spluttered, offended. “Excuse me, that was my coffee! Don’t stay other people’s coffee if you’re just going to make fun of the way they drink it!” Buck was not pouting, really he wasn’t. “Plus, this is obviously a be-nice-to-Buck day, so no more caffeine thievery!”

Chim just snorted at his dramatics while Hen put her hands up in mock surrender. Eddie was watching the whole thing with a small smile on his face, his eyes impossibly soft as they rested on Buck. Not that Buck saw, of course. He never seemed to see just how Eddie look at him.

“What’s so special about today, Buckaroo? Since when do we have ‘be-nice-to-Buck’ days? Chimney asked absently, looking curiously at the now abandoned cup of coffee in front of Hen. “It’s like sludge…this can’t be drinkable, Buck.”

Buck scoffed, looking his eyes and ignoring the second comment. “Come on, you know what today is.”

“Uh,” Chim hesitated, looking between Buck, Hen, and Eddie, as if their faces alone would give him the answer.

Buck’s brow furrowed. “Do you guys seriously not know what day it is?”

“It’s Thursday?” Chim said, more confused than ever. Again he looked to Hen and Eddie for answers but found them looking back just as confused.

Buck stared at his team, his family, as it set it. They forgot. They forgot it was his birthday today. Buck couldn’t help the ache that started in his chest at the thought, old hurt rising quickly to the surface. It wasn’t the first time people had forgotten his birthday— his parents had never remembered and after the first few times Buck had given up on trying to remind them. It clearly didn’t matter to them.

But when he’d found the 118, found his family, he had thought that that was behind him. The resigned acceptance of being forgotten all the while pretending it didn’t fucking sting.

Buck felt like retreating into himself. Insecurity and hurt making it difficult to breathe.

Buck heard himself laugh, but it sounded fake even to his own ears. “Yeah, you’re right. Thursday. Just another Thursday. Excuse me,” Buck mumbled, rushing out of the loft and leaving behind three very confused teammates.

Eddie stood up, clearly intending to go find Buck and see what exactly had just happened, but was stopped by Bobby coming out of his office and making his way over to them.

Bobby looked around, a confused scrunch to his face as he looked for Buck. Wasn’t he just there a second ago? Oh well, he’d find him soon enough.

Bobby assigned that days chores before dismissing them with an absentminded, “When you see Buck tell him it’s his turn to wash the truck,” to Eddie and everyone started to disperse, ready to get on with their chores while they waited for a call.

As Eddie made his way down the stairs he tried to think about why Buck might be upset. He kept thinking about it as he searched for Buck, knowing that the other man would most likely have gone to either the locker room or the bunks, like he usually did when he wanted space from the rest of the team.

Buck wasn’t pouting. Really, he wasn’t. That was just his face.

Buck sighed, feeling equal parts miserable and ashamed. Miserable because the people he considers his family had forgotten his birthday. Ashamed because he was making such a big deal out of it.

He couldn’t help it, he had such bad memories associated with birthdays. A day that was supposed to be filled with laughter, family, and love, but for Buck was often full of rejection, disappointment, and hurt. It wasn’t until he got to the 118 that he had started to enjoy his birthday again.

Buck was angry at himself. He shouldn’t be so upset. Yeah, they had forgotten his birthday and that sucked but that didn’t mean his family didn’t love him. It wasn’t like when he was a kid. Nowadays the forgetfulness probably just stemmed from their insane work schedule and how most of them had kids (all of them, if you counted how Buck secretly considered Christopher to be his kid). He knew that they had lives outside of work and with so much going on, it wasn’t too outlandish to consider they may have forgotten what today was.

But knowing all of that rationally, and actually using that logic to fight his current feelings were two vastly different things.

Buck sniffled. His head was starting to hurt from all the thoughts racing through it and from the conflicting emotions he could feel warring with each other in his chest.

His phone buzzed from where it was on the bench beside him and he picked it up, swiping at his eyes as he unlocked his phone.

It was a message from Maddie with an attached picture.

Happy Birthday to the world’s greatest little brother! I love you so much, Evan. You make my life so much better just by being there and you bring so much joy to everyone around you. Jee-Yun and I are wishing you a happy, happy day! We love you!

Buck choked on what was a half laugh, half sob as he re-read the message twice and then looked at the picture of his sister and his niece.

Maddie was smiling big for the camera, with Jee-Yun giving a similar, yet much more drool-y, smile from her place squished against Maddie’s chest. They both looked so happy.

He stared down at the picture, letting the love he had for his sister and for his niece wash over him.

Maddie was doing better. That beautiful brightness was starting to come back to her eyes. Of course, she still had her good days and her bad days, but Buck was confident that she was finally starting to feel somewhat like herself again.

God, he didn’t know what he would do without Maddie. She had been through so much and yet here she was, working to get better, to be better, for herself, and for Jee-Yun. She was the strongest person Buck knew and he was forever grateful that she had come back to him.

“Hey,” A soft voice interrupted him. Buck’s head shot up, finding Eddie standing in front of him with those large, worried eyes. “Is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Buck stuttered, clearing his throat before trying again. “Yeah, everything is fine.”

Eddie didn’t look like he believed him but Buck was saved from having to come up with something more convincing by the sound of the alarm going off above them.

“Ah, duty calls! We’ll talk later, Eds,” Buck said, jumping up and acting like nothing had happened. Like Eddie hadn’t just caught him sniffling and staring down at his phone like it had the answers to all of life’s questions on it.

“Yes, we will,” Eddie said to himself, vowing to get to the bottom of what was bothering Buck. Buck pretended not to hear him as he bounded out of the locker room, heading towards the truck.

They had a call get to but as soon as they were back, Eddie was going to solve the mystery.

Thankfully, the call had been easy and they finished quickly. Buck had been quiet the entire ride there and back. When Hen asked him what was wrong he just shrugged and said everything was fine, he just had a headache. No one really believed him but at the same time, no one wanted to be the one to push for answers.

“Buck,” Bobby called as Buck got out of the truck, clearing also having noticed that something was off with the youngest member of the team. “You wanna help me with lunch? I can show you that recipe you were asking about the other day.”

“Uh, maybe another time. Thanks though, Cap,” Buck mumbled, giving Bobby a strained smile. He pretended he didn’t see the startled looks the rest of the team gave each other.

Buck never turned down an opportunity to learn a new recipe from Bobby. He never turned down a chance to help the captain, always so eager to please.

“That was weird,” Chimney said as the four of them continued to stare after Buck who had stalked off in the direction of the gym. “What’s wrong with Buckaroo?”

“I don’t know,” Hen admitted, looking concerned for her friend. “Eddie, did something happen?”

Eddie looked surprised. “Why are you asking me?”

Chimney snorted. “Maybe because you and Buck are always together? You’re partners? Basically in love and married?”

“Chim,” Eddie growled, looking around to make sure no one had heard. The last thing he wanted was news of his hopeless crush on Buck getting around. He’d only figured it out recently and had been spiralling since. Breaking up with Ana last night had helped but there was still an undercurrent of anxiety gnawing at him, making him restless.

He wanted to talk to Buck, see if the other man would be willing to maybe go on a date, but he was nervous. Buck was one of the best things in his life, second only to Christopher. Was it really worth making it awkward just because Eddie had a crush? Buck would probably be nice about it, let him down easy, but the thought of Buck rejecting him made Eddie want to throw up. He’d rather ignore the problem until it went away.

He may have only just figured out his feelings himself but according to Chim and Hen, his crush was obvious to everyone but Eddie and Buck. They virtually assured him that Buck felt the same way, but Eddie wasn’t quite ready to take the leap yet. He was getting closer, but he wasn’t there yet.

“Anyway,” Hen says, giving Chim a pointed look. “Back to Buckaroo. He was so happy when he got in this morning, he was practically skipping. What changed?”

Eddie rubbed at his jaw as he tried to think. He tried to reply every word of their conversation from earlier and while there was something niggling at the back of his mind, he couldn’t quite put his finger on what about this morning had been strange.

Eddie went to follow Buck to the gym, hoping to get a chance to talk to the younger man, when Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t we give him some space and after lunch we can talk to him.”

Eddie sighed but reluctantly nodded. He didn’t want to wait, he wanted to know what was bothering Buck right now so he could find a way to fix it. But he listened to his captain and the team made their way up to the loft to start on lunch.

After lunch, they were lounging around the loft, putting off their station chores and hoping that there would be no major calls for the rest of the shift.

Buck had wandered in from the gym right as Bobby was about to send someone to find him for lunch. Buck had plastered on a small and simply shook his head when Eddie raised his brow to him, silently asking him what was wrong.

Eddie couldn’t help but be a bit frustrated. He wanted to help the other man, he hated seeing Buck quiet and withdrawn. It was the opposite of what Buck was like usually and Eddie hated it. He missed Buck’s laugh, his smile, his shoulder nudging Eddie’s when he wanted some attention.

Eddie had only been missing this for half of one day and it was already too much.

Before Eddie could say enough was enough and demand that Buck tell him what was wrong so he could fix it and Buck could go back to being Buck, Eddie was interrupted by the familiar soft sound of his son’s crutches against the firehouse floor.

Eddie jogged down the stairs, meeting Christopher at the bottom and scooping him up in a hug. “Christopher! What are you doing here, buddy?” Eddie asked, pressing a kiss to his hair and giving Abuela a curious look.

It didn’t look like anything was wrong with Chris and Abuela hadn’t said anything about a midday visit when Eddie had dropped him off this morning.

“I’m here for my Buck!” Christopher said, a bright smile on his lips. Abuela gave him an indulgent smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek before looking to Eddie.

“Yes, my bisnieto here has been basically bounding off the walls! I figured if we came now it would be more likely you were here,” Abuela explained, but Eddie felt like he was still missing something. Was he missing something?

Before Eddie could ask his Abuela what exactly was going on, Christopher was wriggling in his arms, having caught sight of Buck.

“Bucky!” Christopher cried, brightening even further when Buck noticed him.

Buck came bounding down the stairs, a large smile on his face and for the first time since that morning, the smile actually reached his eyes.

“Superman!” Buck exclaimed, snatching Christopher up and holding him close as he got his own hug. “What are you doing here, buddy?”

“Happy Birthday!” Christopher squealed, pressing a smacking kiss to Buck’s cheek.

There was gasping sound from the loft above them and Buck could hear Chim mumbling, “Shitshitshit,” under his breath. The weight of Eddie’s surprised and horrified stare was an almost physical feeling. But Buck ignored it. Ignored everything that wasn’t the little boy in his arms.

Buck closed his eyes, ignoring the sudden sting behind his lids as he buried his face in Christopher’s hair. “Thank you so much, buddy.”

If Christopher noticed the crack in Buck’s voice he didn’t say anything, he just continued to look like sunshine and Buck was so fucking grateful to have this kid in his life.

“I made you a present!” Christopher said, squirming to get down from Buck’s arms so he could give it to him. Buck let him down gently and knelt down so they’d be around the same height.

Christopher made grabby-hands at the gift bag Abuela was holding. She handed it to him with another smile, before turning the smile on to Buck.

“Feliz Cumpleaños, Evanito,” Abuela said, bending down to press a kiss to Buck’s cheek. She runs her fingers through his hair, moving her hand down to cup the cheek she just kissed, wiping away a small smudge of lipstick she had left behind.

Buck’s smile was bright, as were his eyes. He tried to blink away the tears that were forming at an increasing rate. “Gracias, Abuela.”

Christopher placed his hand on Buck’s cheek gently to get his attention, handing him the gift bag with a shy smile. “I hope you like it, Bucky.”

“I’m going to love it, bud,” Buck said, tapping Christopher on the nose and making the boy giggle. He reached into the bag and pulled out a nicely framed picture. “Christopher…” He breathed, looking down at the picture in his hands with awe.

It was very well done, neatly coloured with precise lines but the thing that caught and held Buck’s attention was what the drawing was. One large and one small figure were standing in front of a firetruck. The larger figure was obviously Buck, would have been obvious even without the small smudge of pink above his eye. He loved that Christopher always included his birthmark in his drawings of him.

“Do you like it?” Christopher asked nervously when Buck didn’t say anything for a bit, just kept staring down at the picture.

Buck’s head snapped up as he looked at Christopher, seeing the shy look in his eyes. Buck wasted no time gathering the small boy up in his arms, hugging him tightly as he whispered, “I love it so much, sweetheart. You have no idea how much. I’m going to keep it forever!”

Christopher giggled happily, hugging him back just as tightly.

Buck felt a few tears slip from his eyes as he breathed in the scent of Christopher’s kid shampoo and the laundry detergent Eddie favoured. He loved this boy so much. He didn’t care that the others had forgotten. Christopher remembered, Abuela remembered, Maddie remembered.

“I love you, kid,” Buck murmured, pulling back from the hug to cup Christopher’s cheek. “Thank you for the wonderful present and for coming to see me.”

“You’re welcome, Bucky!” Christopher replied, ecstatic that Buck had liked his present. He had said he loved it! That must mean he did a really good job because his Buck never lied to him!

“Alright, mi amor. We should let them get back to work,” Abuela interrupted softly, giving Christopher a sympathetic look when the boy pouted slightly. She turned her attention to Buck as he stood back up. “We’ll have to do a dinner for you, mijo. Maybe Sunday?”

“Sounds good, Abuela, thank you,” Buck said, giving her another kiss on the cheek. He was forever grateful that this woman had embraced him. She treated him just like she treated Eddie and Buck hadn’t felt the love of a grandparent before. It was wonderful.

“De nada, mi amor,” Abuela smiled, before giving Eddie a hug and a kiss. Christopher did the same and then they were waving goodbye, making their way out of the firehouse.

After they were gone, Buck just stood there, staring at the picture in his hands and smiling. He was already trying to think of the best, most special place in his apartment to hang his new masterpiece.

“Buck…” Eddie whispered from beside him. He sounded gutted.

Buck looked up and Eddie, Chim, Hen, and Bobby were standing in front of him, all with matching guilty looks.

“We’re so sorry, Buckaroo,” Hen rushed out, looking like she wanted to cry. “We’re terrible teammates and even worse friends. Can we make it up to you?” She asked hopefully.

“Don’t worry about it, guys,” Buck shrugged. “It happens.”

“It shouldn’t have though!” Eddie burst out, looking very upset. “We’re your friends and we forgot your birthday. I forgot your birthday.”

“It’s not a big deal, guys,” Buck said, looking down at his feet. It had really stung that they’d forgotten but after Maddie’s text and Christopher’s visit he wasn’t feeling quite so raw about it. “Everyone has stuff going on, we live insanely busy lives. It happens.”

“Still,” Chimney said, wrapping Buck up in a bear hug. “We’re sorry, man. And Happy Birthday!”

Buck laughed loudly as Hen, Bobby, and Eddie joined the hug. Hen and Chim started signing to him, like they always did, and then Bobby was offering a coffee run to get Buck his birthday sugar-in-a-cup.

Hen and Chim offered to go get the coffee while Bobby went to whip up some last minute birthday cupcakes. Finally, it was just Eddie and Buck.

Buck hated the guilty look on his best friend’s face. “You don’t have to feel bad, Eds. People forget birthdays all the time, honestly it’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, it is,” Eddie insisted, coming closer. Close enough that he had to tilt his neck slightly to look Buck in the eyes. “It’s your birthday, Evan. That’s special. And I’m so sorry I forgot.”

“I forgive you,” Buck mumbled, cheeks pinking as Eddie just continued to look at him with that same intense gaze. He couldn’t help it, his eyes flicked down to Eddie’s lips for only a second but it was enough for Eddie to see and oh.

Fuck it.

Eddie leaned in, giving Buck plenty of time to move away if he didn’t want this to happen and then finally, his lips were on Buck’s. It was nothing like he had imagined, it was so much better. Buck’s lips were soft, impossibly soft, and as Buck’s tongue slid against his, Eddie moaned softly at the taste.

It took Buck a few minutes to remember where they were and the fact they were practically making out in the middle of their place of work. When he did, he pulled away reluctantly. He huffed a laugh as Eddie chased his lips, giving him one last peck.

“Happy Birthday,” Eddie whispered against Buck’s lips before he finally let the other man pull away completely.

“Thank you,” Buck whispered back, smiling happily at Eddie.

“Go on a date with me?” Eddie asked breathlessly, looking nervous but hopeful.

Buck was nodding before Eddie even finished speaking. “Yes, yes, yes,” He looked so unbelievably happy that Eddie wondered how he had ever hesitated in asking Buck out in the first place.

Buck’s brow furrowed after he completely processed what exactly had just happened. Oh god, he’d forgotten about Ana. “W-wait, what about Ana?”

“We broke up last night,” Eddie said easily, looking completely content.

“Oh, why? I-I mean, not that I think it’s a bad thing, it’s obviously a good thing! Not for Ana, but definitely for me and oh god I’m rambling, please stop me—“

The last couple words were mumbled against Eddie’s lips, who had already figured out that the best way to get Buck to stop the nervous spill of words was to kiss him. Buck was very enthusiastic about this new technique.

“I broke up with her because I kind of realized I’m in love with my best friend,” Eddie said after he pulled away, biting his lip softly. He hadn’t intended to drop that particular bombshell so quickly, he didn’t want to scare Buck off, not when the younger man had only just agreed to go out with him. But he couldn’t help it, he didn’t have much of a filter around Buck.

“Oh,” Buck sighed, his entire being lighting up. “T-that’s good. Very good. Excellent, even.”

Eddie shook his head fondly. He really did love this man.

Buck opened his mouth to say something and Eddie desperately hoped it was something along the lines of ‘I love you too, yes I do want to get married and raise our kid together’— but Buck was interrupted by the return of Hen and Chim.

“Birthday Buckaroo! Your coffee has arrived!” Chimney yelled, trying to balance the tray in one hand with the other on his hip. He looked ridiculous. Hen rolled her eyes, exasperated at his antics. Chimney was oblivious, continuing on, “Although, I really don’t think this qualifies as coffee. I think it’s a milkshake. It might just be sugar. Hen, did we get him a cup of pure sugar?”

“Alright, alright,” Buck said playfully, giving Eddie one last look before going over to Chim to grab his coffee. He accepted it with a loud, smacking kiss to Chimney’s cheek, cackling with glee when the older man just stared at him in shock.

“Enough, boys,” Hen said, pretending to be annoyed. “I believe there was a promise of cupcakes?”

“Cupcakes?” Chim perked up, running up the stairs of the loft to go see Bobby and inquire about these aforementioned cupcakes. Hen followed at a much slower place while Buck came back to stand beside Eddie, slurping obscenely at his frappuchino.

Eddie really should not be distracted by Buck’s lips wrapped around a straw. And he wasn’t. Really, he wasn’t. (He was.)

“Hey,” Buck said suddenly, forcing Eddie’s attention away from his lips. “I love you too, Eds. I just realized I hadn’t said it back.”

Eddie just rolled his eyes, love and warmth blooming in his chest at Buck’s sheepish look. Instead of replying, Eddie just tugged Buck back in for another kiss.

He tasted like coffee, sugar, love, and home.