Work Text:
teh sat on his bed staring at his legs, he didn’t know what to do. he never thought that one day he would be without oh-aew, even in his worst nightmares. oh-aew has been a constant in his life especially the past three years through all the changes and without oh-aew, he feels like he’s drifting. nothing to ground him to reality.
he knows that it’s his fault but he never meant to fall for p’jai. it was just something that happened. it felt amazing to finally have someone who was just as driven towards his dreams and he could finally talk about plays with.
though oh-aew leaving him left him feeling heartbroken, he couldn’t help but be devastated over the fact that p’jai used him and manipulated his feelings all for his own dream.
his chest hurt from sobbing and the ground under his feet seemed to be moving, his tired eyes no longer able to focus on anything. the clock read 4:00 am and he really should be sleeping, but oh-aew’s pain stricken face from earlier in the night kept flashing in his eyes.
teh knows that he isn’t the best at talking to people, but he has never felt this alone before. he’s sure that all their friends from back home will hang up as soon as they realise it’s him and he had driven his university friends away all because of his own stupidness.
sure he could call hoon or his mom but how could he ever explain to them how badly he treated oh-aew.
it was all his fault but he couldn’t help but wish that he had someone to talk to right now, he couldn’t deal with alone. he needed someone he could lean on and that someone used to be oh-aew and he took him for granted and let him slip right through his fingers.
they used to be so inseparable, how had he allowed so many things to come between them. he remembers asking oh-aew to never give away his time to others and promising their time only for each other but here he was always cancelling plans and never being there for oh-aew.
he doesn’t even know what classes aew has this semester or what is happening with his friends. he doesn’t know how oh-aew’s being treated by his professors and whether he still missed home like he used to freshman year.
slowly he has let himself get untangled from oh-aew’s life and no matter how desperately oh-aew tried to keep them together, the thread was bound to break one day from teh’s dead weight in this relationship.
he doesn’t understand how he didn’t see all the problems in their relationship. he only now sees all the compromise oh-aew has made for him ever since they moved to bangkok. always coming to visit teh after his gruelling workshops and rehearsals, always taking care of teh whether it was cooking for him or simply
listening to him complain about his life.
and somewhere along the line he allowed oh-aew to feel like an outsider and all those stupid fucking jokes about how he isn’t focused enough to become an actor and all the times he has bragged about p’jai understanding him in front of oh-aew.
he knows how it feels to be waiting for the other and wondering about how he fit into oh-aew’s life, it was so fucking painful and he would never wish it on his worst enemy and to think that he’s been putting oh-aew through that for so many months. the guilt makes him want to fall at oh-aew’s feet and plead for forgiveness even through he might not get it.
one more chance that’s all he wants though he isn’t sure if he deserves it anymore.