Chapter Text
Considering her rich life of crime, wild magic practicing, raising an energetic human child, the occasional arson, and now fleeing the Emperor’s wrath with her ex-coven sister, Eda had come to enjoy the quiet moments of calm and stillness at The Owl House.
In the last month Eda had found her life consumed in a whirlwind of action that was equal parts increasingly tense criminal business, teaching and caring for her human apprentice, and trying to get along with her sister whom had recently come screeching back into her life with all the grace of a transit beetle collision. It was difficult to say the least, but for the first time in a long time The Owl House felt warmer, more alive, and even in a strange way more like an actual house. For so long it had been a place to store excess garbage, a place where one could lie low when the patrols were tight, a place where you didn’t have to pretend to be dating a suitor just to swindle them out of their cash. Luz and Lilith had made it feel like a real home though, even if it wasn’t a tranquil one.
But dear Titan it had been anything but tranquil, especially after the near-petrification incident at the Conformitorium, the one incident that had delivered the esteemed leader of the Emperor’s Coven to the lowly rank of couch surfer. That night had ended up being a mix of equal parts jubilant and ruinous. Even as Lilith apologized again and again never had Eda had such a violent urge to beat someone, to finely get back at the one who had made her life so difficult for so long. The fact that it was her own sister both chilled her to the bone and ignited a new inferno in her raging soul. The absolute audacity of her sister to curse her, TO CURSE HER, at the age of 17 over a position in the Emperor’s coven was astoundingly short sighted, selfish, and immensely destructive to everyone involved. There were no words to begin to describe the swarm of conflicting emotions the younger Clawthorne felt as she learned more of the elder Clawthorne’s past, but betrayed was a good enough place to start.
Luz, bless her soul, had try to temper Eda’s anger, trying to hold her back from doing something that she might regret, and Titan knew to many such actions had already been made. It didn’t take Eda long to see just how deeply Lilith regret her actions as well. The moments when Lilith flinched and cowered, the night where she wept and held Eda to her chest as she poured out how much she regretted what she had done. It was sobering and it caused Eda to realize that no matter how upset she was with Lilith it was likely no where near as upset as Lilith was with herself. Eda was no stranger to self loathing, and so while the anger still boiled just under the surface much of the time Lilith fought with her she tried to remind herself how fragile Lilith’s sense of self worth probably was right now.
Things were complicated at The Owl House, not one of it’s resident’s could be considered to be anything near a properly functioning member of society. Yet in a way it balanced itself out, and Eda still had faith that despite all that had happened, things would get better. There was rarely tranquility in her life but she had not given up on believing things could improve.
Which is why in peaceful moments, such as the bright and cheering morning Eda had awakened to, Eda did her best to savor the moments as long as she could. Luz had already left for school with Lilith flying her there (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays were Eda’s days for dropping off Luz, leaving Tuesdays and Thursdays for Lilith to pitch in in escorting the kid to school). With the hustle and bustle of the early hours over with an empty house and a cup of appleblood Eda settled in with an activity far more domestic than anything she’d like to admit she did: Scrap-booking.
Going through old boxes to clear out an extra room for Lilith had ended in a surprising bounty of old photographs. Eda had wondered where her old photos ended up but as she sifted through the photos she noticed many were severely damaged or weathered and only a few endured. Apparently Eda of the past had no interest in keeping these in a safe environment for a nostalgic Eda of the future. All of the photos were fairly colorless though, when she was a kid cameras ran on a spectral crystal shard which only managed to capture fairly sharp or bright colors. Compared to the photography of the void-powered scrolls of today the photos Eda held were practically gray scale.
That didn’t stop the picture that peeked out from behind a burnt photograph from catching Eda’s eye with it’s splash of dull orange color. Eda pulled the photo out to be greeted with a window back into her past. A grinning young Edalyn, no older than 7 years old, stood to the side watching as a young Lilith, similarly no older than 9, held a sizable chunk of a crystalline mineral over the opening of a bubbling cauldron in the foreground. Eda couldn’t hold back the smile at the sight of her and her sisters early endeavors in potion-making. Their parents hadn’t exactly been pleased by their early attempts to brew fog potions and their misuse of valuable ingredients. While Eda and Lilith had often been quite smug in their brewing of rudimentary yet unstable healing potions and sleep drafts, their parents had rarely been very pleased with the hassle and mess their kids made in the process.
When it came to going out in the backyard woods to find various items for potions it was always Lilith who carried home the biggest mineral sample, the biggest amber shard, or even the biggest cockatrice egg. Anything to prove to her parents that she had potential to be a great potions witch. Being able to carry large quantities of ingredients for potions was just one of many ways she tried to show off. It helped that even as a child Lilith was pretty athletic, a quality that helped her be picked out early for Grudgby.
A few photos later Eda stumbled unto another picture that had survived extensive years of neglect. This one was a shot of Lilith wearing her Grudgby gear behind the bleachers at the Hexside while dousing herself in water from her canteen. While the photo seemingly had no context the eye catching detail of Lilith’s shirt rolled up to expose her toned abs, presumably to let off heat, began to spin the gears of memory in the back of Eda’s head.
Eda vaguely recalled an incident from her teenage years of sneaking around during Grudgby practice with her mother’s camera to snap risque pictures of the other members of the Grudgby team, some for blackmail, others for… ‘personal research’. Hey, She’d been a rebellious teenager, one trying to pull one over on anyone she thought was an easy mark, but the photo of Lilith spurred another memory. One of snapping the photo before running for her life from her enraged sister. Eventually when Lilith gave up on trying to catch her younger swifter sister and Eda made it clear that she intended to show the photo to Odalia, Lilith’s crush at the time, Lilith had resorted to offering her sister various deals and promises in exchange for the photo.
Eda looked back on the incident fondly as one of the ‘better days’ shared between her and her sister. Though Lilith would probably be outraged to find that the photo hadn’t been destroyed as Eda had promised. One thing that stuck out to Eda specifically now was just how toned and muscled Lilith’s abs and stomach was. Even for a fit teenager she had an exceptional physique. Eda tried not to stare at the photo for too long, as it still felt somewhat wrong to ogle her own sister but Eda was impressed by Lilith’s muscular build. She remembered them both being pretty fit when they we on the Grudgby team but she didn’t remember Lilith being that ripped. Heck even in this grainy photo she clearly had a six-pack for Titan’s sake!
Actually come to think of it, Eda actually hadn’t seen Lilith so bare in a long, long time. Possibly since this photo was taken.
‘I wonder if she’s still got it,’ Eda idly thought to herself as she mulled over the topic. ‘She probably does considering how many wanted criminals like myself she was probably running around after in her Coven days. Heh, I wonder if Odalia would still go red-faced at the sight of a shirtless Lilith with a six-pack. Probably, being a 40 year old childhood destroyer that hag probably still fantasizes about her high school crushes, poor Alador.’
Eda’s focus drifted back to the photo in her hands. Was this really something that she should save in her scrapbook? Oh wait- of course! It’d be funny to get a rise out of her older sister, even if a trip down memory lane wasn’t Lilith’s idea of a good time. Eda suffered the curse so Lily could definitely suffer some teasing.
Though Eda did still wonder just how muscular Lilith still was in her current years. She knew she had her elder sister whipped when it came to magical prowess, but in pure physical strength? Eda wasn’t sure, especially not after being reminded just what a beast Lilith could be when she had a good regiment.
“HOOTY NO! Put that back where you found it! Bad Hooty! Bad!”
“Aw, but Lilith, it’s just a baby tarrasque.”
‘Speak of the Devil…’, Eda thought to herself at the sounds of Lilith scolding Hooty outside. Eda flipped the scrapbook closed and tucked it back into her hair as she heard her sisters enter the house and walk into the kitchen.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to live alongside such a beast, truly it’s astounding,” came Lilith’s voice as walked up behind where her sister was sat at the Kitchen table.
“Well hello yourself,” Eda responded with a grin as she turned to face her sister. “Hooty’s not so bad sis, the bright side is how effectively his, uh, ‘personality’ keeps uninvited guests away. Though I think you already knew quite a bit about that eh?” Eda smirked as Lilith’s cheeks tinted.
‘Honestly Lily, you’re just too easy sometimes…’ Eda thought to herself. “Hey speaking of embarrassment you should have a look at this old photo I found,” Eda said as she snatched up the old blackmail photo of Lilith and held it up for her to see.
Lilith preemptively groaned, then as her gaze met the photo Eda held up she screeched.
“EDA, WHAT THE HECK!? You promised me you’d burn that photo!”
Eda burst out laughing at Lilith’s reaction, her sister’s face going straight red in embarrassment. “I’m glad I didn’t if it still gets this much of a rise out of you,” Eda replied between laughs as she wiped away a tear. “You know Odalia probably wouldn’t turn you down if you wanted to have some, ‘weekly meetups’ with her. She’d probably be even more interested in you now that you’re basically a milf.”
Lilith groaned at Eda’s comments and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked away, pouting. “Real mature Edalyn, it’s one thing to keep the photo but to suggest that either of Odalia or myself would still be interested in the other, get real.”
“Now now sister dearest”, Eda retorted, “let’s not forget how big of a thirsty lesbian she was back in her Hexside days, if you think Alador is getting any you’re really out there. Plus, if you still got abs that are anywhere near what you were in your 20’s then she’d probably have a nosebleed before she even thought of pretending to turn you down.”
At that Lilith seemed to freeze for a moment, her back straightening and her eyes staring off in the distant for a moment before she snapped to sense and resumed a casual stance. Or at least as casual as she could manage with her sudden tenseness. This little detail was lost on her sister who attention was flitting between the photo of Lilith in her hands and her sister standing before her.
For the first time since Lilith had gotten back Eda took a moment to look at her sisters current outfit. Lilith wore what appeared to be long black suit pants with a thick blue wool turtleneck sweater that covered her from her hips to her neck. Eda reactively stuck her tongue at the ensemble, it was definitely a ‘Lilith’ outfit, meaning it was modest and concealing and boring. For Eda it was a reflection of Lilith’s dogged loyalty to the trends of popular society, and a lack of a discernibly unique aesthetic. It really wouldn’t hurt for her to branch out a bit, create a more personal sense of style and maybe show a bit more skin.
“Course I wouldn’t know if you did,” Eda said as she finished mentally analyzing her older sister, “since you never seem to wear anything but long dresses, suits, long-sleeves, and sweaters these days. You know you’re 46 not 76 right? You can show some skin still.” Eda paused for a moment to consider the weather outside before adding, “Come to think of it what’s up with you wearing a sweater today? It’s like 80 degrees out there, you really need to o stop being such a wintry prune.”
“Why don’t you just mind your own business?” Lilith Snapped angrily. “You really think I want to hear advice on clothing from a gray haired witch who looks so old she’s already got one foot in the grave?!”
The room stilled as the comment lingered in the air. The unspoken topic being prodded putting both witches on edge. Almost as soon as the remark was out of Lilith’s lips she regretted saying them, taking a somewhat cowering poster as her sister the stood up from the stool she was sitting at as she prepared a response that both knew was coming.
“Oh. I’m sorry your highness. Maybe I should remind you WHY my hair is fucking grey and my skin is wrinkly because I’m damn sure you liked to be reminded!” Eda yelled back, her anger boiling over.
“I didn’t mean-”
“Like that fucking makes it okay?! I’m just trying to make casual conversation and crack a few jokes but noooooo, you gotta go around ripping open people's wounds!”
“Like you’re one to talk!” Lilith yelled back.
Eda stopped for a moment, trying to wrap her head around her sister’s response,“What in Titan’s name is that supposed to mean?”
“Nevermind, I never wanted to have this conversation,” Lilith responded sharply. She exhaled slowly before looking to her sister,“Look I’m sorry about throwing the curse response at you like that, I don’t know why I did that but I know it’s unacceptable.” Lilith then shifted uncomfortably as her gaze drifted to the floorboards and remained there. She wrung her hands in a nervous gesture before looking back at her sister before saying,“If you’d excuse me I need to go take a shower to cool down.” Lilith then promptly left the room and was up the stars before her sister could formulate her next sentence.
Eda was stunned, ‘what the heck just happened’ Eda thought to herself as she slipped the photo back into her hair and leaned on the kitchen table. ‘It was just some teasing but before ya know it we’re back at each other’s throats. What the fuck made Lilith flip like that? Was it my comments about her clothing? Why dose she have to lash out so much when she gets defensive? I wish she’d just say what was up with her.’ Eda tried to think where things had turned south in there conversation, she knew something was up with her sister, but with Lilith’s secretive nature it could be difficult to figure out what was eating at her nerves.
***
Upstairs in the privacy of the bathroom Lilith took a moment to focus on her breathing and calm herself. Turning the shower on and setting the temperature she tried to wrangle her emotions back under control. She knew she had overreacted and that she shouldn’t expect Eda to automatically know which specific things would trigger her. Nevertheless even just having Eda brush the topic had set off alarms in her head, she knew she couldn’t keep these secrets from her sister forever but she still childishly tried to avoid bringing it up.
She took off her thick wool sweater, then proceeded to slowly take off the long sleeve shirt she wore beneath it. Released from the stifling prison of trapped heat, Lilith was offered a moment of respite however catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror made the relaxation brief.
Her upper body, from elbows to sternum, collar to gut, was coated in an assortment of scars. Some were long and deep, others had attempted to heal from their various afflictions and had become ghastly bruise like markings, while still others were ugly deltas of red vein marks, jagged and branching like the electricity that caused them. Sitting on her collarbones just above her breasts was the insignia of the Emperor’s Coven. For so long it had been a mark of pride, a sign of her worthiness and her destiny for something greater than any lowly potion pusher could dream of. As the years went by though Belos had sought to reinforce the tattoo each time that Lilith failed him, and even sometimes after she’d successfully completed an especially significant or important mission. To him it was a reminder of where she belonged, and what her purpose was. As the sessions of applying magic ink were slowly replaced with the sessions spent in the castle dungeon atoning for her failures Lilith’s world had become a dark reversal of what she’d strove so hard for.
Lilith turned away from the mirror, she didn’t need any additional reminders of what she’d endured at the hands of her old master. As she took off her undergarments and stepped into the warm refreshing waters of the shower she was hit with a sudden pang of guilt. Edalyn genuinely did want to help, even if it was through the veneer of jokes, but she didn’t have much of an inclination as to what really happened in the inner circles of the Emperor’s Coven. Which made the task of even beginning to open up to her about what had happened feel insurmountable.
‘I shouldn’t have lashed out like that, what kind of cretin am I to bring up Eda’s looks when her aged appearance is entirely my fault,’ Lilith thought. ‘She doesn't deserve me keeping secrets from her but without knowing what happened in the Emperor’s Coven how could I even begin to have that conversation. I can hardly handle remembering it myself without panicking and I don’t even know how she would react.’
Lilith thought back to the bridge duel and the Conformitorium incident, and the wrathful anger that Eda had shown towards her sister upon learning that she was the cause of her curse. A wrath that Lilith was completely due to receive from someone she had so wronged. Rage would always be her immediate response when learning of the secrets that had been kept from her, of the injustices that had gone on behind her back.
‘Anger, of course.’ Lilith thought to herself. ‘She’d use it to take shots at the coven system. And what would telling Eda gain them anyways, what would it help? She already hates Belos, and I doubt that it’d improve her view of my ability to take care of myself. She’d think I was weak for not doing something, for not leaving. She’d think mom and dad were right when they said to just stick to potion making.’
A distant voice echoed in her head, ‘You’re sick Lily, and you bring everyone around you lower with your disease.’ For a split second the shower went silent and she was back in that torch-lit room so far beneath the castle it knew no other light. Those eyes, those black abyssal pits surrounded in gold peered down at her as his hands idly cleaned a dagger, his gaze never leaving the spot she was strapped to. His eyes were black holes, in their gaze no comfort or warmth could exist. His voice mirrored it as his words froze her mind, halted from doing anything but listening.
‘Weak in body and weak in soul, you’re pushed around by so many. Once I’m through with you though only one shall make you cower in fear. Soon your ascendance will make everyone around you cower instead. But first… first, the sickness must be split from you, the weakness of your flesh must be removed...’
The pain Lilith felt was immense yet it was all in her mind now. She still shivered though, despite the warm water the darkness wouldn’t fade. She hadn’t had anyone to run to then. Who would she run to now? Who would be willing to deal with her issues when she had so little to offer?
Lilith just hung her head and let the water wash over her. She tried to and began focusing on getting clean to try to dispel her darkening thoughts. She knew deep down that the darkness in her soul would always linger. The happiness and warmth of her childhood couldn’t quell the voices, Belos heavy handed treatment couldn’t cut it out of her. The shower would end, she’d head downstairs, apologize to Eda, help make lunch, give back Luz’s corrected notes when she came home, and in the late afternoon she’d settle in with a book before dozing off.
But the darkness, the scars. They wouldn’t leave. She’d slip up eventually, and when she did it’d come back around to hurt Eda and Luz, again.