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Yerim is 15 when she realises she likes girls.
The signs were all there but Yerim chose to ignore them. She probably would have kept convincing herself if she didn't end up kissing Park Chaewon in a game of truth or dare.
Yerim couldn't deny that she liked it. Chaewon wasn't a bad kisser. That day Yerim heads home scared upon the realization that she was attracted to girls.
She tried to convince herself she was bisexual and that she only slightly liked girls. It didn't lessen the fear that one day her parents would find out and disown her nor did it make her feel better about her attraction to the same sex.
Yerim swore liking the same sex would guarantee her a place in hell as that's what she was taught growing up. Sure her friends didn't seem to care when she and Chaewon kissed but they were teenagers what did they know?
***
Yerim is 16 when her best friend comes out to her.
Hyejoo and Yerim were hanging out at the younger's place when she told Yerim.
"I'm gay"
Hyejoo said it so casually that Yerim didn't realise the weight of her words. Then it sunk in and Yerim stared at her best friend in shock.
"What?"
Hyejoo laughs at the expression on Yerim's face.
"I'm gay, Yerim. As in I like women. Only women"
Yerim wants to say she shouldn't and that doing so is a sin. She frowns at the way Hyejoo states as nothing. The news alerts a different side of Yerim however and she couldn't help but ask...
"Do your parents know?"
Hyejoo smiles and nods.
"I told them last night, they were really supportive"
Yerim was at a loss for words at this point. Her parents would surely skin her alive if she came out to them like Hyejoo did to hers. Yerim stays silent for a moment pondering the situation. Then a big smile finds it way to her face.
"I'm happy for you"
Yerim truly meant that. No matter how much her parents stressed to her it was wrong to love someone as the same sex, Yerim knew people's happiness came first. She was proud of Hyejoo being able to freely say who she loves and she wishes her nothing but the the best.
***
Yerim is 17 when she realises she is not attracted to men in the slightest bit.
At the start of the school year, Yang Jeongin asks Yerim out on a date. Yerim didn't really have a crush on him or anything but said yes anyways.
They date for two months before Yerim breaks it off. Jeongin was really a good guy and was really sweet but Yerim knew she didn't feel for him the way she did when she saw a pretty girl. She offered for them to stay friends which he accepted and to this day they're really close.
Now the day Yerim breaks it off she realises she is gay. Very very gay. She felt the same fear she did when she realised she liked women. Sure almost all her friends were gay but she still couldn't accept herself as one of them.
Her parents always insisted she would find a nice man to settle down with and have a big family but Yerim realised that life wasn't for her. She went to bed that day fearful for the future but surprisingly free. She no longer felt like she was hiding anything from herself. The next day would be the start of a new chapter in Yerim's life, hopefully for the better.
***
Yerim is 18 when she realizes she has feelings for her best friend.
It's their last summer together before they split up to go to their separate colleges. The two of them insisted on practically spending every moment together. Yerim spent the night at Hyejoo's every night. She was thankful her parents were too busy to stop her.
Over the span of the summer, Yerim found herself staring at Hyejoo a lot. Like A LOT.
Did she always have such pretty eyes?
Did her triangular lips always look so kissable?
Wait-
Yerim panicked at her train of thoughts. Hyejoo had excused herself to go to the bathroom and tye older took that time to decipher what the hell was going on in her mind. These feelings confused her. She never felt these things before. It was all so new to her. When the two best friends turned in for the night, Yerim's thoughts kept her up.
Yerim may have accepted that she was gay and she knew liking girls was a part of it but none of her previous crushes made her feel this way. It's 3 am when she realizes she may be in love with her best friend.
She spends the rest of the summer enjoying her time with Hyejoo but never telling the girl. Loving her best friend seems like something she should take to the grave.
***
Yerim is 20 when she confesses and comes out to her best friend.
Both Hyejoo and Yerim were visiting their parents for winter break and used that time to catch up with each other.
College had definitely changed Yerim. She was a bit more confident with her sexuality, going out on a few dates with some girls. None of them made her feel what a certain raven haired individual made her but it did help Yerim break out of her shell. College had changed Hyejoo too. In Yerim's eyes she seemed to have gotten hotter. Chaeryeong, Yerim's best friend in college, would call her whipped but Yerim couldn't help it. Who wouldn't be whipped for Son Hyejoo?
It's Christmas Eve when Yerim is at the Son's house. Hyejoo's parents were asleep but the two were still awake, giggling and sharing experiences they had in college. Yerim felt like this was the perfect time to tell her.
"Hye.."
Yerim called softly. Hyejoo's full attention turned to Yerim who was fiddling with her fingers nervously. Yerim took this time to continue.
"I'm gay"
Hyejoo smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair from Yerim's face away.
"I'm happy for you"
Yerim took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Another thing"
Hyejoo kept her focus on the girl in front of her, silently telling her to continue.
"I like you. Actually no scratch that. I'm in love with you. I know you probably don't feel the same but-"
Hyejoo cut Yerim off with a kiss.
Her lips are so soft.
That's all Yerim's mind thinks as they kissed.
"Choi Yerim, I've been in love with you since we were 16"
Yerim's mind malfunctions for a second. She wasn't expecting her feelings to be reciprocated. Hyejoo giggled at the shock on Yerim's face. It was cute.
"I- I-"
Hyejoo decides to help her out by kissing her again. It's at 11:50 pm on Christmas Eve that Yerim gets her girl.
***
Yerim is 23 when she moves in with her girlfriend of almost 3 years and comes out to her parents.
As Yerim expected, her parents were livid. They made it clear she wasn't welcome there anymore. It didn't hurt Yerim the way she thought it would. Maybe it was because she had grown apart from her parents or that she had her girlfriend by her side. Either way Yerim accepted that her parents may never accept her and that's okay. Hyejoo's family treated her like their own. In fact Hyejoo's family seemed to have been waiting for the pair to get together.
Yerim felt free. She felt happy. Hyejoo made her happy. She finally learnt to accept herself even if others don't.