Chapter Text
{SIRIUS IS IN BOLD}
{REMUS IS IN NORMAL TEXT}
*
Fri 8 Sept
[7:32] hey cutie ;)
you free for drinks tonight? That three broomsticks place just opened.
[7:41] Don't get me wrong, I'm truly flattered, but I'm going to have to ask that you give me absolutely any context at all first?
[7:45] oh it's me from the art exhibition last week
[7:46] you know the one at Hogwarts gallery?
[7:46] that sounds like fun, I've been meaning to check that place out for a while.
[7:47] ??
[7:47] I haven't been, personally.
[7:47] We met there on Friday??
you gave me your number...?
[7:48] oh, now this is rough
[7:48] I'm sorry??
[7:48] No no, I'm sorry
[7:49] I'm gonna be honest, you're confusing the hell out of me
[7:49] sorry but I don't think you were given the right number
[7:50] don't beat yourself up about it though, could've been an honest mistake...
[7:51] so... you're not from the art gallery?
[7:51] you catch on quick
[7:51] fuck this
I got ready to go out and everything
[7:52] that was confident of you
[7:53] my confidence is unyielding.
[7:53] even now?
[7:53] like you said, I'm sure this was all an honest mistake
[7:54] yeah, you tell yourself that
[7:54] well
I mean
it probably was
[7:55] I'm sure
[7:55] is that sarcasm?
i feel like you're being sarcastic
[7:56] which is rude, by the way
[7:56] something you should know about me, stranger, I'm never sarcastic
[7:57] mm, I really got that vibe...
[7:58] but just so you know
they really were into me, so it was definitely a mistake
[7:58] that's more than a little arrogant of you
[7:59] it's not arrogant if it's true
[7:59] is that so?
[7:59] so it is.
they were into me.
[7:59] what makes you so sure?
[8:00] because everybody's into me
I'm me ;)
[8:00] wow
that's just
wow
[8:01] I'm sensing judgement
[8:01] you read me like a book stranger
[8:01] you can't seriously think I'd be awful enough to get stood up... digitally
as in
over text
[8:02] that is just insulting
[8:02] um... you opened with "hey cutie ;)"
I rest my case
[8:02] OBJECTION YOUR HONOUR!
[8:03] what grounds?
[8:03] it was an inside joke
[8:03] overruled. you can't have inside jokes with strangers who reject you at art galleries
[8:03] you can!!
[8:04] hey
I didn't get rejected
[8:04] You're right. Let me just get my coat and I'll see you in 10.
oh wait.
[8:05] No I won't, because I am not the person you hit on at the art gallery. I am the unsuspecting decoy they threw under the bus in the process of rejecting you
[8:06] so I'm starting to think you were being sarcastic about the sarcasm thing
[8:07] fuck, what gave me away?
[8:07] look stranger
you've got me all wrong.
I am not the embarrassed reject who couldn't pick up a date. not in this lifetime, not in any lifetime.
[8:08] I am the devilishly good looking inveigler that everybody lusts for. Nobody would purposefully reject a chance with ~this~
*gestures to self with a seductive degree of indifference*
[8:09] I see that...
[8:09] fuck you.
[8:10] ouch
[8:10] i won't apologise
[8:10] oh dear god and all my angels, help me to go on...
[8:11] I'm really starting to dislike you
[8:11] this troubles me greatly
[8:11] you're wrong about me
[8:11] I don't believe I expressed an opinion on you, stranger
[8:12] You didn't have to, I can feel what you think
and you're wrong about me
[8:12] bold of you to assume I've put any thought at all into this conversation
[8:12] I'm a bold person.
[8:13] so I noticed...
"Hey cutie ;)"
[8:14] I TOLD YOU THAT QWAS ABN INSIDE JOKE!!!
was an*
you know what
it doesn't even matter
[8:15] I don't care what you think
[8:15] evidently.
[8:15] okay, whatever.
think what you will of me.
goodbye bothersome stranger
[8:16] goodbye cutie ;)
*
Sun 10 Sept
[10:14] what is a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
[10:32] that's the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.
[10:36] can't relate
[10:36] did you look that up?
[10:36] maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
all part of the mystery
[10:37] excuse me while I decide whether or not that makes it worse...
[10:37] you are not excused
just admit it's a good line and move on
[10:38] just admit you can't flirt and leave
[10:38] it would be different if i said it to you in real life
[10:39] how's that?
[10:39] I'm gorgeous ;)
[10:39] mhm, it really translates
[10:40] I'm just saying you should take it into account
[10:41] I hate to disagree but all I have to go off is the fact that you were rejected by a stranger and you're spending your Sunday morning talking to me
[10:41] I'd send you a photo to prove you wrong because I'm *that* petty, but stranger danger and all...
[10:41] guess I'll have to pretend to take your word for it then
[10:41] guess so.
*
Mon 11 Sept
[11:48] Is your name Winter?
because you'll be coming soon.
[12:32] 2/10
[12:47] what why?
[12:48] it's lightly traumatising at best, downright distasteful at worst
[12:48] it was a bit much ig
[12:49] it's also pretty seasonal, limited payoff
[12:49] well see the 'Winter' is interchangeable
[12:50] until you try it on the poor girl actually called Summer...
[12:50] happy accident?
[12:50] you're strange, stranger
[12:51] why thank you, stranger
*
Tue 12 Sept
[2:55] let only latex stand between our love.
[3:47] 5/10
creepy, invasive, crosses a line, but you get points for advocating safe sex
[3:47] my last tinder date left the same review
[3:48] I'm gonna be processing that for a while...
[3:49] you and me both, stranger
*
Wed 13 Sept
[5:12] You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
[5:20] that
that's not even word play?
[5:21] I told you, I'm a bold person.
[5:22] well like... don't be?
[5:22] you can't change me
*Katy Perry's 'Part of Me' starts playing at full volume*
[5:23] *puts in ear buds pointedly*
[5:24] you know
I will change your mind on me
I am a very likeable person
I don't care how many bad pick up lines it takes
[5:25] *blocks without remorse*
[5:25] You'd miss me ;)
[5:25] What did I do to deserve this?
[5:26] probably something terrible
[5:26] probably
[5:27] wow, you're so mysterious
[5:27] and you're insufferable
[5:27] hey
[5:28] Google pick up lines or not, I'll have you know I'm actually very cool
[5:28] oh yeah?
[5:28] yup
very punk rock
[5:29] punk rock as in you wear eyeliner and still collect records, or like, you went to gigs in the 70s?
[5:29] I'm sorry what?
[5:29] well, you could be old for all I know...
[5:30] oh
I'm not old
[5:30] cool
[5:32] me neither
[5:32] I'm also not a child
just so we're clear
[5:33] considering the start of this conversation, that is a relief
[5:34] ;)
[5:34] ew
0/10
*
Fri 15 Sept
[6:07] fucking hell she's really done it this time.
I mean I'm about one (1) bad decision away from biking my ass over there, knocking down the front door and forcing her to look me in the eye and say to me whatever the fuck she's been saying to him
[6:08] like who the fuck does she think she is??!?
SKDNFIAKS0UQsjdiq\
[6:08] there's a lot to unpack here, but I think I should probably start by saying 'was this meant for me?'
[6:09] oh shit
sorry stranger
no it in fact wasn't meant for you
[6:10] that's alright
[6:10] James is usually first in my contacts
[6:11] James?
[6:11] My brother
best friend/roommate
[6:12] brother
he's at work anyway now I think about it
[6:12] i see
do you wanna talk about it?
[6:12] nah, no worries I'm fine
sorry to hit you with that anyways
[6:13] not to be *that guy* but you seemed kinda upset...
[6:13] I'm not upset
I'm pissed off
[6:14] that too
I'm just saying, if James isn't around to talk to
my opinion of you can't really get worse...
[6:15] ha ha
[6:16] idk
[6:17] it's my mum
[6:17] oh?
[6:17] not much to it, except that she's a right bitch
[6:18] mothers can be
[6:18] is yours?
[6:18] no tbh she's lovely...
but talk to me stranger
[6:19] we don't have a very good relationship
we don't have a relationship*
haven't for a long time
[6:20] she cut me out of the family for one reason or another, and now my brother's going through a similar thing
[6:20] that sucks, have you had support?
[6:21] yeah, I've lived with James for years, and his family before that
and money hasn't really been a problem
but my brother's situation is a bit more complicated
[6:21] he's still stuck with her?
[6:22] she pays for his apartment and he's pretty much stuck doing this business course he hates
supposed to take over the family legacy or whatever
[6:22] that sounds...
honestly the worst.
[6:22] yeah
and now she's trying to cut me off from him
[6:23] you two are close still then?
[6:23] we try to be
but she's not happy about it
thinks I'll influence him or some bullshit
[6:24] but he needs me you know?
sorry stranger, this is nothing to do with you
I should go
[6:24] no, it's really no bother
[6:25] is he safe?
[6:25] i hope so
she cares about him more than she ever did me
and I think he knows he can leave any time and I'll be here to catch him
[6:26] I hope he knows that too
[6:26] lately she's been saying all sorts about me
I hear it from him, and I know it gets to him but she never comes to me about it
just spends half her time throwing ultimatums at him
[6:27] does he want out?
[6:27] I think he does
but he always cared more about her than I did too
or at least, he wanted to make them proud
god knows why
he had to pick up after me a bit I suppose
[6:28] sounds pretty complicated
I'm seeing why you were so pissed off
[6:28] yeah
it never makes any difference though
only ever ends up hurting Reg when I get mad at her
[6:29] Reg
brother Reg?
[6:30] hah, yeah. Regulus. Reggie. Reg.
Sorry, keep forgetting you're a literal stranger
you could be my mum for all I know...
[6:31] that's a disturbing thought
[6:31] mm, you're telling me
thanks for listening anyways
[6:32] no problem
[6:32] James just got back actually
[6:33] I guess I'll pass you on to him then
[6:33] yup
send him your thoughts and prayers...
[6:34] all my luck to James
[6:34] um, thanks again
and hey, if you ever need to rant to a fellow stranger
[6:35] you'll be the first stranger I come to about it
[6:35] is it selfish of me to hope the world gives you a reason to rant to me?
[6:35] hah
piss off and talk to James
[6:36] :)
*
[10:23] "biking my ass over there"
[10:23] I'm sorry but the question of bicycle or motorbike has been playing on my mind all evening...
[10:24] hah, the idea of me cycling is hilarious
[10:25] so...you own a motorbike?
[10:25] I do not *own* her, I worship her.
[10:26] that is
very punk rock of you
[10:26] see now, what did I tell you?
[10:27] You're still the absolute worst.
[10:27] I never doubted it.
[10:32] night
[10:33] goodnight stranger