Work Text:
Sam smiles as Sarah’s house comes into view, grateful to be home after a long mission. He’d been gone for nearly three weeks; tracking a terrorist cell that had planned on unleashing a virus to cull half the human population. He had taken off before the leader had even hit the floor, trusting Torres to handle getting everything processed and the terrorists into custody.
He slows to a stop in front of the house, already feeling his shoulders relaxing. His two idiots are inside he already knows; Sarah had told him that they had barely left her house; content on driving her insane and playing all kinds of games with the boys.
The gear can wait for now, but he does grab his shield before climbing out. The boys love playing with it and who is he to deny them? He can hear shrieks of laughter from inside and thundering footsteps before two dinosaurs burst out of the door and hurtle off the porch.
What?
AJ and Cass tear out of the house after the two apparent dinosaurs, wielding Super Soakers and laughing their heads off.
“Uncle Sam, help us fight the Super Dinosaurs!” Cass shrieks, jumping down off the porch to follow his brother to where the two dinosaurs are wrestling around in the grass.
Super Dinosaurs ? Oh. Oh. This is gold. Sam scrambles for his phone and starts recording as the boys pounce on his idiots; spraying them with water as they scream their battle cries. Bucky and Karli flail about for a brief moment, before turning to one another and they gently throw the boys off before taking off again.
“Next time you leave; please take them with you.” Sarah begs, walking out of the house with two cups of coffee. She hands one to Sam and they stand in silence for a few moments; listening to the sounds of a truly epic battle. “Dealing with four kids was a nightmare.”
“How did this even happen?” Sam asks, hiding a smile under his cup as Karli sprints pass, Cass clinging to her back and cheering to the sky.
“They had a bet. The boys won.” Sarah shakes her head. “I don’t even know where they got the dinosaur costumes. Not sure I want to.”
“Hi, Samuel!” Bucky yells, pushing AJ away by his face. “Are you going to help us or are you just gonna stand there looking pretty?”
“I think I’m good here; enjoying the view!” Despite this, Sam does put his cup down and jogs towards Bucky and AJ, scooping up his nephew and sitting him on his shoulders. “You ready, little man? Fire!”
Bucky shrieks at the surprise attack, lifting his arms in an attempt to shield himself. He rolls backwards, away from the pair, and pushes himself to his feet, shaking some of the water off his costume. “Karli, I need some help over here!”
A war cry comes from behind the house and Karli and Cass are back again. Cass, the traitor, has switched sides, and manages to nail Sam right in the face once they’re close enough. He shrieks with delight, spraying the duo a few more times before scrambling down off of Karli.
“Go, I’ll hold them back.” Cass declares, loudly, and Sarah sighs as he valiantly launches himself at AJ and Sam. The ‘Super Dinos’ don’t hesitate and use this distraction to escape. If they use a little bit of super speed to help themselves, well who’s gonna stop them?
Sarah shakes her head, a smile twisting her lips before she heads inside. There’s a Super Soaker with her name on it and she intends on getting her revenge on the two Super Soldiers for acting like children while her brother was gone.
Cass sighs in his sleep, left leg kicking slightly as he curls up closer to Karli. His leg connects with AJ, who luckily only stirs for a brief second before settling back down again. They’re both using Karli as a pillow, ignoring Sam in favour of the Super Soldier because she ‘runs hotter and always wears soft clothes’. He would complain but it leaves him free to cuddle up to his own Super Soldier. Said Super Soldier would only complain about the fact that Alpine had abandoned him to also use Karli as a human pillow.
There’s an animated movie playing on the tv; that only Karli and Sarah are properly paying attention to. Something about a dysfunctional family having to fight the robot uprising. Currently there’s a giant Furby chasing them, that may be avenging the defeated robots, Sam isn’t really sure.
Bucky grunts, pulling away from Sam to glare up at him with half closed eyes. “You’re thinking too hard, birdman. Just watch the movie with it’s terrifying fluffy creatures. That are murderous- Karli why did you want to watch this movie anyway?” He twists his neck to peer down at their kid, who has to push back her hood to see him properly.
“Main character is gay.” She deadpans and turns back to the screen. Bucky blinks, glances at the main character who is in fact wearing a pride pin, nods to himself and lies back down against Sam. “And her brother is obsessed with dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are awesome.”
Sam smiles as he shakes his head, relaxing back into the couch. He catches Sarah watching them out of the corner of his eye and she’s smiling too, her eyes twinkling.
He never could have imagined this; sitting in his family home, surrounded by his family and watching weird, end of the world movies. He could also never imagine having a water fight and chasing two Super Soldiers in inflatable dinosaur costumes all around the neighbourhood; a chase that had ended in a huge water fight when the other kids had seen what was happening.
There’s probably still water stuck in his ear. Some of those kids have deadly aim.
Alpine’s gentle purring fills the air, loud enough that it can be heard of the sounds of robots getting their asses kicked. Karli reaches up to scratch under the little cat’s chin, smiling happily when the purring rises even more in volume.
Life in this family may be chaotic and occasionally dangerous, but none of them would trade it for the world.
The next morning, there is a very interesting segment about Captain America taking down to rogue dinosaurs who were terrorising a town. It makes an interesting story; one that the media loves. The best picture shows Bucky and Karli lying on the ground, still in the dinosaur costumes, with Sam, Sarah and the boys piled on top of them. The one showing Alpine sitting primly atop the silly humans whilst daintily licking one paw is a close second.
(There is a small problem where a group of people think that dinosaurs have legitimately returned and have had super powers this entire time. This happens after a video showing the Super Idiots using their abilities is released, where they’re jumping and running about like maniacs.
Sam has far too much fun explaining that no, dinosaurs have not returned, with or without super powers and that his dumbass husband and daughter had simply gotten bored and decided to entertain themselves.)