Work Text:
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:52 --
TG: help me
TG: heeellpp me
TG: seriously this is a siorus problem im having here
TG: *serious
TT: It seems that you require my assistance.
TG: wow no fuck i really dont need to deal with your autoresponger right now
TG: send real human strider asap
TT: You hurt my feelings, sis.
TT: You hurt them real bad.
TT: That was the real me. You thought I was just an automated facsimile of my real self?
TG: stop fucking with me for real i need to talk to u
TG: about this devil child i pcieked up from that ateroid
TG: *atsteroid
TG: * meteor
TT: Ah, I see. The scourge of adulthood, parenting problems. Dear little Rose is misbehaving, then?
TG: no that s not it
TG: shes not misbhaeving at all
TG: seriously its totally freazking me out
TG: yesterfda y i tried to feed her carrot s and i accidentally all over the goddamn kitchen table
TT: Were you drunk?
TG: you can prove nothing
TG: lmao yeah i was totally sozzled
TG: but anyewa y i go to get some naptkins and a nice bottle of tequila
TT: Tequila? How uncouth.
TG: shut up strider las time we went drinking u passed out after two beers
TT: I was sick.
TG: yeah u were
TG: on the babies
TG: maybe thwats why my baby is so ffcuked up
TG: shes got vomit-induceid trauma in her brain
TG: so i get back after like i dunno twenty minutes
TG: devilbabys sittig on a completely clean table
TG: carrot mush covered napinns in the tash
TG: *napkins
TT: Are you sure this isn’t yet another tequila induced hallucination?
TT: I remember you calling me once with hiccup-filled rants about how your baby was making you ovaltine for your hangover.
TG: no thats real
TT: ...
TT: Shit, Dave can’t even form proper sentences yet.
TT: Kid’s two and the most complicated thing he can say is “not like smile puppet.”
TG: wanna trade
TT: No.
TG: haha no yeah that was a joke
TG: i love my little devilbaby
TG: although she scares me sometimes
TG: shes gonna be the best fcuikin devilbaby that ever deviled
TG: shes tryin to read my psych textbook now isn that cute
TG: she knows shes only on a middle schol readign level
TG: go baby go
TG: someday when uour big and strong
TG: you will be a king
TT: Are you quoting The Lion King 2 at your baby?
TT: Shit’s real deep, yo.
TG: sthvup
TG: *shurup
TG: *shut up
TG: you will be a kign little rose
TG: lol no no one cares about kings
TG: you will be a god