Chapter Text
NYC, 2006
“Hi, I'm Alex”
Alex wanted to die at that moment.
“Jules, they're talking to you”
“Oh, I'm sorry. What? Do I know you?”
Alex was also trying to figure out whether the unknown Brooklyn location he had ended up on was an actual bar or just somebody's basement. New York parties were something else, he decided.
He'd been invited to this one by a friend of someone Jamie had met on a random record store just that afternoon. Jamie had said he was supposed to be some kind of big deal in the New York City music scene— someone's producer or something— but to Alex the guy just looked like a really shitty weed dealer. Anyway, they had decided to show up under the promise that they would be in good company— apparently every big music star in New York liked hanging out in shady basements. So far the party had been sweaty, really sketchy, and overall an uncomfortable place to be in if you didn't have some booze in your system taking the edge off. Which was not a problem for Alex, currently holding a beer for dear life in his right hand and, as mentioned, wanting to die.
He had lost his bandmates ages ago in the suffocating crowd— which hadn't really been a problem when he'd had the opportunity to observe Paul Banks, sitting on the floor, doing three lines of cocaine in a row— but now it was starting to make him feel anxious. Then, while trying to find a familiar face through the heavy smoke, he spotted a small group on a shady corner that took his breath away.
No way .
Alex blinked and looked again, trying to make the dizziness, caused by a deadly mix of jet lag and second-hand smoke, disappear. And there he was, Julian Casablancas, chatting with his guitarist and best friend, Albert Hammond Jr., reclined on the wall and casually looking cooler than Alex ever would. Alex felt his heart starting to beat faster.
The Strokes meant a lot to him, to all of his bandmates. If he hadn't spent his afternoons debating in Matt's bedroom whether it was “Maya” or “my ex” in Someday when he was 15, he wouldn't be where he was today. Julian had always represented everything he wanted to be: a big artist, huge even, that never compromised his art to get to the top.
And so, with his heart beating out of his chest, Alex had grabbed another beer, taken a big breath, and approached (in what he hoped was a casual manner) the far corner of the room.
Alex, who was currently wishing death upon himself, had come to regret that decision.
Right from the beginning, he'd made a fool out of himself, speaking too low for anyone to hear him over the music, and so having to repeat himself twice. Thankfully Albert had been chill about it (or maybe just too stoned to come up with a reply), but then Alex realized there was a third person with them: a short, curly-haired girl, standing very close to Julian, still reclined against the wall. For some reason, the girl's presence made Alex more nervous, and the fact that Julian was still speaking with her and hadn't noticed him, even more.
“No, we don't know each other. I'm Alex.”
Julian's attention was finally on him, his piercing eyes staring down at him (he was much taller than Alex had thought) with little to no interest. He looked good, Alex noted, in his own way: leather jacket, skinny old jeans, messy hair. His uninterested expression, the dark circles under his eyes, only served as accessories to the look— they added to the “I don't give a fuck” attitude Julian always seemed to carry.
Fuck. Was his voice too high-pitched? Was he slurring? Speaking too low again?
Julian stared at him for a few seconds, like he was processing what he'd just said, and then laughed.
“Oi, mate! Are you British?” he said mockingly, in the most obnoxious British accent Alex had ever heard.
The curly-haired girl slapped him lightly on the side.
Fucking hell. This is why they say to never meet your heroes.
“Julian, don't be a dick. What's your full name, honey? I think I know you from somewhere,” she said, also with an accent, but a real one and unknown to Alex.
“Does he know you, that should be the question,” Julian said, probably noticing the look of confusion on Alex's face, “Do you know her? That's Regina Spektor.”
Alex had never heard about a Regina Spektor before, and the way Julian said it, like he was a complete idiot for not knowing her, made him feel embarrassed again. He let out a nervous laugh.
“No, I'm really sorry. I'm Alex Turner, nice to meet you.”
Regina rolled her eyes and punched Julian again, this time harder.
“Ignore him. I'm no celebrity, but he likes to act as if I was. Truth is, nobody knows me. Nice to meet you, Alex.”
“What d'you mean, nobody knows you? That's not-”
“Shut up Jules,” she said, trying to hide her smile.
Julian smiled too, like they'd had the same conversation a thousand times before, and put one arm around her before giving her a light side-hug. Alex suddenly felt really out of place and took a big sip of his beer to make the awkwardness go away.
“So, Alex Turner, what do you do?” Julian spoke to him again.
“Well, uh, I'm in a band.”
“Seriously?” he opened his eyes in surprise, as if he hadn't thought Alex was the type to be in a band.
“Um, yeah. I'm the singer.”
“The singer? Wow.”
Julian raised both his eyebrows and eyed him up and down as if he was looking at him for the first time. Alex couldn't decide whether he was making fun of him or not, so he took another sip of his beer and hoped for the best.
“Yeah, we're called Arctic Monkeys”
Julian raised his eyebrows even more and bent down slightly to get closer to Alex, as if he hadn't heard correctly.
“I'm sorry?”
It was stupid, really. He was far from being the first person to react like that when hearing his band's name for the first time, but that reaction usually amused Alex, making him feel prouder of it. It didn't make his palms sweat, and it certainly didn't make him blush like a teenager. He cleared his throat.
“Arctic Monkeys.”
Julian stared at him with a blank face for a few more seconds and then burst out laughing.
“That's the stupidest name for a band I've ever heard! And I'm friends with the guy from The Moldy Peaches!” His laugh changed his face completely, making it much friendlier, and it was incredibly contagious. Alex let out a nervous laugh, relaxing considerably, and ran a hand through his hair. Julian was still laughing as if “Arctic Monkeys” were the two funniest words he'd ever heard, and it was making Regina giggle as well.
Then Julian got off the wall and threw an arm around Alex's shoulders, pulling him close. He hadn't noticed when he wasn't moving, but from the way he was walking and the pink on his cheeks it was now obvious that Julian was drunk off his arse.
“Andy! Get another beer for me mate Alex here!” he shouted, again in a terrible British accent, at some guy who was passing their way.
Alex hadn't even noticed he had finished his beer, too busy freaking out about his body pressed to Julian's side, and the way his fingers were gripping his right arm. He tried to steady his breath and his heartbeat.
It's no big deal, he's just drunk. Don't freak out. Be cool. Don't freak out .
After that, the night went on better. He sat next to Julian on a beat-up couch and mostly watched as various people came to chat with him, or kiss his arse. He didn't talk much, and Julian didn't pay him too much attention, but he was more or less comfortable and sometimes Regina or someone else would make conversation with him.
He drank a lot though. Every time he started feeling self-conscious, or embarrassed, or worried about having lost completely his bandmates, he took a big swig to bring himself to a pleasant buzz.
That pleasant buzz became more of a promise of a hangover when Regina passed him something with vodka in it, claiming that “ This stupid country has no idea how to party” . She sat on the floor at Julian's feet, and Alex spent most of the night trying to figure out the nature of their relationship, without much success. They were close, that was obvious, but their closeness was ambiguous and could have been only friendship. Alex didn't know, and he ignored why he wanted to know so bad.
“Okay, maybe this should be the last one”, he thought when returning to the couch with two beers (one for Julian, and one for himself), trying his best not to trip on his feet.
“Here you go,” he said when he miraculously reached his destination in one piece and he handed Julian his drink.
He hadn't even set his arse down on the couch when Julian grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him close.
“Oh, you're a doll,” he said, and then kissed Alex on the lips.
It was barely for a second, and it was over before Alex's drunk brain could process it, but he could swear it burned him, left a mark: Julian's fingers on the back of his neck, his smiling lips against his own.
It wasn't even a real kiss, either. Julian kissed him too harshly and quickly, ending with a loud “mwah!” and pulling away, making clear to everyone that he was fucking around. Still, it made Alex's breath catch on his throat and his cheeks redden.
“Julian, stop teasing the poor boy,” Regina scolded him from where she was sitting on the floor, and Julian smirked. Hearing that made Alex's blood burn with fury and humilliation. He could be fun, he could be care-free, cool. He wasn't a fucking kid, and he didn't like to be teased.
Alex did something then that surprised everyone, including himself: he cupped Julian's chin, who was already turning away, and kissed him back. It was also over in barely a second, but this time he was able to notice more details: Julian's lips were soft, and even sitting down he was still a bit taller than Alex. Then he pulled away, and Julian's surprised face (raised eyebrows, mouth slightly open), as well as Regina's laugh, were quite satisfying.
“No problem, darling,” he said with a smug smile.
Julian didn't reply and just drank his beer, but he started giving Alex these intense looks— with a smile that could have meant anything, but probably nothing good— that made him feel light-headed and self-conscious.
Needless to say, that wasn't Alex's last beer of the night.
-
“Mornin'”
Morning it definitely was.
Alex opened his eyes with effort and frowned, trying to block with his hand some of the light coming from the huge windows.
Wait. Whose huge windows?
He opened his eyes fully and incorporated a little, just enough to check his surroundings. The action made the headache that had been forming inside his head explode, making him groan and fall back down on the bed.
Laying on his belly, face down, and feeling like something had just died inside his mouth, Alex breathed in and out a few times before facing the voice that had addressed him moments ago.
Julian was sitting on the other side of the bed, reclined against the headboard and smoking a cigarette. His face looked tired, and his hair was even messier than before, but he surely didn't look as bad as Alex felt. He was wearing the same T-Shirt as the previous night (which, Alex now noted, said “ Regina Spektor” ), but he was only in his briefs.
“Do I know you?” Julian said, voice rough from sleep and cigarettes, and that was it.
Alex groaned again and brought a hand to massage his temples.
What the fuck .
“I'm Alex,” he said, for the fiftieth time in the last twenty-four hours.
“Oh, the guy from the Arctic Animals. Right,” Julian replied, and his band's name still made him smile a little bit as he looked out the windows.
“Where am I?” Alex asked, not even bothering to correct him. Julian looked back at him.
“My apartment.”
Great . Alex sighed.
“Is there a bathroom I can use somewhere?”
“Sure. Over there.” Julian pointed to a door on the other side of the room.
Splashing fresh water over his face didn't save him, but it certainly helped both with his hangover and the blush that had appeared on his cheeks against his will. He looked into the mirror and tried to fix his hair with his fingers. Julian's mirror. Above Julian's sink. With Julian's soap and toothbrush. Oh god .
He gargled some water to wash away the bad taste in his mouth and went back to Julian's room. He hadn't been as lucky as him and he'd fallen asleep in his jeans, but at least he was fully dressed now. Julian, still sitting on the bed, pointed to a water bottle and an aspirin on his nightstand. Alex thanked him silently. Had he gone up just to get that for him? It was nice, he thought.
Alex probably should have gone out the door at that moment, but instead, for some unexplainable reason, he let himself fall down on his side ( his side? ) of the bed and close his eyes for a while longer.
“Hey Alex,” Julian called, “Did we fuck?”
Excuse me?
“Excuse me?!”
Alex turned to look at him wide-eyed, and Julian shrugged.
“I'm not gay,” he heard himself say. Julian smiled a bit at that.
“Alright.”
Alex gulped and stared at the ceiling once more, blushing furiously.
“How did we even get here?”
“The party was across the street, I guess we were just close. Hey, are you sure we didn't even make out?”
Alex closed his eyes. A foggy memory came back to him. That same room, a few hours earlier. Sloppy kisses in between giggles, with too much tongue. Julian having to pull Alex up to kiss him, Alex wanting to tell him that hadn't happened to him before with a girl, and Julian falling asleep mid-sentence.
“No, I don't think we did,” Alex lied, and hoped his voice wasn't trembling as much as he was.
“Huh.”
They were silent for a minute or so while Alex prayed for the aspirin to kick in already. Julian lit up another cigarette.
“So, your band. How come I've never heard of you? Are you not signed yet?”
“No, no, we have. Actually, we have an album out already.”
“You do?” The way he was sucking on his cigarette and looking at Alex straight in the eye was distracting.
“Yeah, it came out earlier this year. It's doing pretty well, actually.”
Julian's gaze hardened.
“How is that?”
“Well, it's the fastest-selling record in UK history and all.” Alex sensed immediately that he had fucked up, somehow. Julian pressed his lips together.
“Oh, is that so? Well, congratulations, love,” he said, voice bitter and raw. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”
Now it was Alex's turn to get angry.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing. Ignore me.” He dodged his gaze and stared at his own feet, frowning.
“No, tell me,” Alex shot back, sitting up. “What the fuck do you mean? Do you think I don't have what it takes to make it?”
He meant to sound aggressive, demanding, but when he'd spoken he realized he just sounded like a scared little kid, looking for validation. Julian's eyes bounced back to his and Alex felt a shiver go up his spine.
“That's not what I meant at all. And anyway, to “make it”, whatever that means, I'm sure you can manage it.” Julian gave him an unsincere side smile, letting the forgotten cigarette burn on his fingers. “To last, however. Well, only God knows.”
Alex didn't know what to say. He watched captivated as Julian took another drag, and exhaled the smoke slowly into the cool morning air.
“That's not going to happen to us.”
“Huh. How do you know?”
“It's not.” Julian chuckled.
“Well, confidence is key, I guess.” He passed Alex the almost finished cigarette silently, probably confusing his stare for a nicotine wish. Alex sat closer to him, resting his back on the headboard, and didn't miss how Julian's eyes went straight to his lips when he took a drag. He thinks he wasn't supposed to miss it.
“You think I'm naïve.”
“Maybe.” Julian licked his lips, still staring at Alex's mouth. Alex fought the blush that was threatening to take over his face.
“Are you talking from personal experience?” Alex asked, and immediately wished he could take it back. Julian made eye contact again.
“What?”
“Do you think you're not going to last?”
Did that sound dirty?
“Honey, I'm already done.” Alex frowned.
“What? That's not true.”
Julian put some distance between them, seemingly annoyed.
“It is. Everybody loved us for maybe three years, and then we were done.”
“That's not true, your new album is great! I love it!” That was the wrong thing to say, again. Last night he had abandoned his initial plan of going over to meet Julian and ask for an autograph as soon as they had started talking: the older guy looked like he wouldn't like to hang out with a fan, and he looked the same now.
“You're a fan?” Julian raised one eyebrow.
“Everbody is.” Alex was sweating again, and his voice came out rushed. Julian scoffed.
“Yeah, sure. Anyway, you don't have to lie to me. Everybody hates that album.”
“I'm not lying!” he replied, probably with too much enthusiasm. “I love First Impressions. It has some of your best lyrics.”
Julian's gaze went from bewildered to sad, as he could somehow envision Alex's future and he didn't like it.
“Jesus, they're going to fuck you up,” he said, voice almost a whisper.
“What? Who?”
“This world. They're going to take your pretty face and fuck you up so badly you won't recognize yourself anymore.” He took what was left of his cigarette from Alex's hand, brushing his fingers, and took it to his own mouth. Alex was speechless again. Julian cleared his throat and sat straighter on the bed.
“Or maybe not,” Julian said, faking cheerfulness. His hip was touching Alex's, and when had he gotten so close? “Who knows. Maybe it was just me.”
“Julian...” Alex started to say something but Julian cut him off.
“Anyway, you got a girl?” The sudden change in topic struck Alex, who waited a few seconds before answering.
“Uh, yeah, actually.”
“Oh really?” Julian smiled too brightly. “Me too.”
He took one last drag from the cigarette and then reached over Alex— placing a hand too high on his thigh for stability, or to fuck with him— to stub it on the nightstand. Alex drew in air sharply. Their chests were almost touching, and he could smell Julian's hair without even moving. Then, Julian turned so they were face to face, centimeters away from each other even though Alex had to look up slightly to meet his gaze, and smiled again. The hand on his thigh was burning Alex.
“You know,” Julian said, as a matter of fact, but with a wicked expression. “I think we did make out last night.”
Alex kissed him.
To give Julian some credit, he wasted no time. If Alex had sensed the faintest trace of hesitation, he would have fled the room in the next heartbeat. But no, Julian had been waiting for it, and responded immediately. With his right hand, he pushed Alex back to press him into the headboard (not too harshly, but with determination) and kissed him back. Alex, on the other hand, had not been expecting that, and gasped in surprise. Julian took the opportunity to cup his head, fingers curling at his hair to turn him slightly and get a better angle to slide his tongue inside Alex's mouth. Fighting a string of embarrassing noises that threatened to come out, Alex threw his arms around Julian's neck and pulled him even closer, pressing their chests together while he poured everything he had into the kiss. It was hot, and it was desperate: Julian kissed as if he was starving, his fingers grabbing at Alex's hair and tugging , making him moan embarrassingly loud, while his left hand slid under his T-Shirt and traveled up and down his side. If he hadn't been so turned on, Alex would have had the mental breakdown of the century right at that moment. Thankfully, his brain was too occupied with Julian — who was finally tugging his hair hard enough for Alex to bring his head back gasping and then biting down on his bottom lip — to worry about the fact that he was snogging a bloke, and that said bloke was Julian Casablancas .
Julian's hand left his hair to travel down his body fast, to finally grab his arse. Alex didn't have time to react to that, because the world suddenly tilted sideways and he found himself straddling Julian's lap, and his hips were being grabbed forcefully to settle him right on top of Julian's hard-on. Alex let out a loud sound— something between a gasp and a desperate whine— and Julian shuddered and pulled him close.
“Stop freaking out,” Julian whispered, his lips brushing Alex's ear. “It's no big deal, calm down, alright?” If Alex could have turned redder, he would have. He ran his shaky fingers through Julian's hair— which was much softer than he expected— and wondered if it was possible Julian could read his mind.
He had a point, though. Don't freak out, Alex. It's no big deal. So, Alex pressed his hips down into Julian's erection, loving the way his breath hitched on his throat, and captured his lips once more. Julian's hips rocked back against him, and even through the layers of fabric between them, it felt so good. When their lips separated, it was almost embarrassing how fast Alex went after Julian's, trying to join them again, until Julian reached his throat and started sucking. Alex moaned, his back arching and his nails digging into Julian's shoulders.
“God, I thought the days of banging groupies were long gone,” Julian whispered against his jawline, with a smile on his lips. “Never say never, I guess.”
“I'm not your fucking groupie,” Alex complained and scoffed, pulling away slightly to look at Julian, but not feeling half as offended as he should.
“Sorry, sorry”, he said, and Alex noted his lips were red from kissing. “Not a groupie.” He gave him a quick peck on the lips as an apology, and Alex's heart stuttered in his chest. “I've never met a groupie this fucking gorgeous, that's true.”
Alex couldn't have stopped himself from smiling even if he wanted to. “Flatterer,” he said, shoving Julian back jokingly. Julian grinned and shoved Alex too, harder, making him lose balance with a yelp and fall to the bed on his back. Julian hovered over him, his eyes going up and down Alex's body like he was trying to memorize every centimeter.
“Hey,” Alex said softly. “Why don't you come over here?”
Julian met his eyes, and the look of pure lust he gave Alex made him shiver, becoming painfully aware of his erection straining uncomfortably against denim. Julian wasted only a second to get his shirt off before settling between Alex's legs, their pelvis aligning, and kissing him once again.
His legs wrapped around Julian's hips, Alex wished he had taken his pants off, but the friction caused by Julian rocking against him was far too good for him to even consider pausing to get naked.
“Why are you still wearing so many fucking clothes?” Julian asked with a strained voice against his open mouth, reading Alex's mind again while he stroked the outside of his left thigh. Alex panted when Julian's fingers tugged at his waistband teasingly, all while keeping rubbing their erections together, faster and rougher by the minute. I'm probably going to come in my pants, Alex thought hystericaly, and let out a broken moan at the idea.
“Fuck, are you always this eager? Already gone and I haven't even touched your cock. Can you come only from this?” Julian's wrecked voice was muffled by Alex's neck, and Alex's eyes rolled back into his skull and moaned again, hips lifting off the mattress. He dug his fingernails into Julian's back and wondered how could he had ever felt out of place with him, when their bodies fit so perfectly against each other.
“You want me to touch you, eh?” Julian gave one last little kiss to Alex's neck before raising his head to look at him, “Just say the word, Alex, I'll do it.”
Alex was fighting to keep his eyes open, the sight of Julian, all bitten lips and messy hair, being too overwhelming for him.
“Fuck. Touch me. Just touch me already, please,” Alex begged, voice almost a whine. He heard Julian inhaling sharply, and then he was being tugged upwards until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Next thing Alex knew, his shirt was gone and Julian was kneeling on the floor between his legs, unbuckling him, and then Alex whined for real.
There's something I never thought I'd see. Julian was palming him through his boxers and giving little kisses to the bare skin he could reach on the inside of his thighs. Alex had to look up at the ceiling for a moment and try to control his breathing, his cheeks red with how hot, and completely insane, the situation was, and his fingers digging into the covers in an attempt to steady himself.
“Hey,” Julian said, putting his mouth directly on his clothed cock. “Eyes on the prize.”
Alex's eyes shot back down and the sight of it almost sent him into combustion. Julian had pulled Alex's pants down— now pooling around his ankles— and was currently kissing shamelessly Alex's cock through his boxers.
“Ah- just fucking do it already, will ya?” Alex didn't recognize his own voice, breathless and desperate as it was.
“You just had to ask,” he answered, mouth curved in a terrifying grin.
Alex lifted his hips so he could get his boxers off, anticipation running through his veins.
“That's right. Been dying to do this since yesterday, y'know?” Julian confessed, eyes never leaving his cock. When it was finally free, he wasted no time and licked a long stripe from the base to the head and, immediately after, got it in his mouth as far as he could— which, Alex thought in between broken moans, was pretty far. Julian's fingers were gripping his shaky thighs, and Alex had a moment where he almost let out a hysterical laugh when he realized Julian had one fingernail painted black— the middle finger. For the most part, he was just concerned about keeping his hips in place and resist the urge to snap them forward into the tight, wet heat of Julian's mouth; and about not coming in less than a minute, because of how unbelievably amazing it felt, and how much he'd been craving it. Julian was definitely not helping, bobbing his head up and down with such determination and confidence that could only indicate previous, exhaustive experience.
“Oh fuck, you've done this before, haven't you?” Alex let out panting, and if it was possible to smile with someone's cock down your throat, Julian managed. “Christ, who have you gotten to your knees for, huh? The entire male population of New York City?”
Julian's brows furrowed, his version of a smile disappearing from his lips, and Alex feared he'd said too much. But then, he felt a tiny moan around his cock, and he couldn't help it: he snapped his hips forward just a tiny bit and gasped. Julian moaned again and opened his eyes, looking directly into Alex's, and then took his cock out of his mouth in its entirety. Alex whimpered helplessly at the loss, and his right hand shot forward to try to retrieve it, landing on Julian's hair. Julian was smiling again, and he wiped the excess of saliva from his lips with the back of his hand. It was the most obscene thing Alex had ever witnessed, and his fingers curled around Julian's hair, involuntarily tugging.
“You can be a bit rough, y'know.” Julian's voice was completely wrecked. “I like it.”
Alex opened his eyes almost comically and acted on impulse, tugging Julian close by his hair and shoving his cock down his throat as far as he dared to. Julian made a choking sound but didn't make any effort to get off, and so Alex interpreted it as a green light and got to it.
It got embarrassingly desperate really quick, Alex alternating between moving his hips forward and tugging Julian closer with no real rhythm or finesse. He couldn't shake the feeling that, even though he was the one on his knees, Julian was the one in control the whole time— and judging by Alex's erratic movements, and the filthy comments escaping his mouth against his will, it was not a difficult conclusion to arrive to. The thought made Alex burn with equal parts lust and shame, and it brought him close to his orgasm in no time.
As if he could sense how close he was, Julian started sucking harder and bringing him deeper, but it was his lust-filled gaze, always on Alex, that did it for him. He came down Julian's throat, bringing one hand to his mouth to muffle the strangled shout he let out. His hips lifted off the bed almost entirely, and his toes curled in pure pleasure when his eyes rolled back in a moment of true perfection, when his brain finally shut down and everything but Julian (his smell and the heat of his body) disappeared.
Alex finally got back down to earth when Julian released his cock with a wet sound, coming to rest his head on Alex's knee, panting roughly. For a moment Alex got struck with the sight of him, having to blink twice to make sure he wasn't imagining how beautiful Julian looked right there. His cheeks were pink, and his lips were covered in spit; he had his eyes closed and his chest was rising and falling fast. Alex lowered a trembling hand to stroke Julian's cheek, still coming down from his orgasm.
“Julian. Jules.”
It was when Julian opened his eyes lazily to look at him that Alex realized he had a hand in his boxers and was stroking himself. Almost immediately Julian closed his eyes again as he let out a tiny moan against Alex's knee. Alex gulped, mouth suddenly dry, and before he knew exactly what he was doing, he grabbed Julian by the shoulders and pulled him up to settle him on the bed. Julian whimpered, having to release his cock, but got up to kiss Alex hard anyway. The sound encouraged Alex, who decided to act first and think later and tugged Julian's briefs down unceremoniously. Julian gasped in surprise, separating his mouths and looking at Alex wide-eyed, as if he didn't expect to get anything in return for the world's hottest blowjob. Alex licked his hand, marveling at the way Julian's eyes followed the movement, and wrapped it around the other's cock. The weight of it felt strange, but not off-putting, so Alex started moving his hand up and down, wondering whether he was making a fool out of himself.
“Fucking hell,” Julian gasped, rolling his eyes back. Not too bad, then.
Alex started going faster, applying just a tiny bit more pressure, guessing by the iron grip Julian had on his shoulder that he was far too gone for slow and gentle. Guessing right, apparently, judging by the obscene sounds coming out of Julian's mouth. Alex started kissing everywhere he could reach without breaking his rhythm: Julian's shoulder, his cheek, his open mouth.
“C'mon Jules. That's it, do it for me,” he whispered in Julian's ear.
Julian turned his head to kiss Alex sloppily and came with a low noise, back arching off the bed. Alex did his best to swallow all the sounds Julian made, and when he finally settled, burying his head on Alex's chest, Alex looked down to marvel at his own hand, covered in cum.
They spent a good while just like that, only breaking the morning silence with their labored breaths. Reality, and Alex's hangover, were starting to slip through the cracks, and not even the world's best orgasm could stop them. In the end it was Julian who broke the spell, lifting his head off Alex's chest to look at him, and Alex could swear his eyes looked anxious as he searched his face. Alex didn't know what to say and averted his questioning gaze, deciding finally on kissing Julian's cheek and getting up silently.
In the bathroom, he cleaned himself and stared at his reflection. He felt pretty much the same, but, shouldn't he feel different? He'd just come down a bloke's throat, and then grabbed said bloke and wanked him off. Alex had only been interested in birds until then, or so he'd thought. Shouldn't he have an identity crisis or something? He decided it was a thought for a brighter time, preferably when he wasn't in his music hero's bathroom, cleaning his come off his hands.
Back in the room, Julian was in the same position as before it had all started— reclined against the headboard and smoking, this time with a blanket covering his lower half. It was almost easy to believe nothing had happened, if it wasn't because Julian's expression could only be described as well-fucked. The anxiety Alex had observed was also gone from his face, and his smile was back to being distant and superior. He watched as Alex got dressed clumsily, taking long drags from his cigarette.
“Hey Al,” he said when Alex had put on his shirt. “C'mere.”
Alex made his way to the side of the bed awkwardly, fixing his hair for a lack of something better to do. Julian slipped his fingers through Alex's hair and dragged him down softly to kiss him once more, slow and deep. He got the hand that was holding his cigarette away to a safer distance, and Alex melted against him with a sigh. After a moment, Julian pulled away but stayed close, their noses almost touching.
“I wish I'd gotten to fuck you,” he said, and kissed Alex's burning cheek. Alex let out a nervous laugh and started to pull away, but Julian followed him and gave him another peck on the lips, smiling. “No, no, I'm not complaining, trust me.”
“Goodbye, Julian. I've to go.” Julian kissed him again, this time on the cheek.
“I know, I know,” he said, and let Alex go. “Give me a call next time you're in New York, will ya?”
Alex let out a non-committal sound, but smiled as he picked up his denim jacket off the floor. He looked at Julian one last time before turning away and found him looking out the windows, wrapped in his own smoke and lost in his mind. Alex was already out the door when he heard him shout:
“And stay away from heroin!”
Downstairs, Albert was having a sandwich on the kitchen counter and he gave him a grunt as a greeting, but made no other comment. Alex waved at him awkwardly and got out as fast as possible.
It was only when he was already out in the street, wishing for the cars to stop honking so loud and wondering how in the hell was he going to find his bandmates, that he realized two things: first, that Julian had very obviously lied to him about not remembering last night, and definitely about not knowing his band, and two, that he never got his phone number to give him a call.
Oh, well.