Chapter Text
Kaz Brekker was not known for showing mercy. He was ruthless and cold and cruel and that had only increased since the Bastard of the Barrel had become the King after driving out Pekka Rollins. Nobody knew how he did it. They just knew they didn't want to piss him off in case they were next. Nobody in the barrel knew that Dirtyhands' vendetta against Rollins was personal. Which was unfortunate for them really, because Dirtyhands was torturous when things became personal. Murder was reserved for when he wanted to show mercy. Torture was reserved for his breaking point.
Children weren't an odd phenomena to spot in the Barrel. The East and West Stave were both home to plenty of orphans that came and went to work at the clubs and shops the way Kaz had first started out. Most didn't last long. Kaz had never seen a reason to care for them. He had survived in the Barrel starting from when he was only 9 years old. Kaz Brekker didn't believe in Saints like Inej did, but he thought it a mercy to the children who did die from cold or starvation. None of what they had seen could render them anything but the broken man he had become. He envied them the way he used to envy Jordie. Before he had built an empire born of spite and vengeance. Back when he had nothing. Death was a mercy. But Kaz was too spiteful to die so easily.
Kaz had dealt cards for two shifts at the Crow Club before finally leaving. He never did like the late night rush as much as he had begun to tolerate larger masses of people. It was this early departure from the club that caused Kaz to come across two burly men that clearly weren't Dregs in the process of killing a victim. Normally Kaz wouldn’t have stopped them. This is just what life in the Barrel was like. But Dime Lions, or rather what was left of them, encroaching on Dregs territory was enough to send Kaz into a tailspin. He didn’t tolerate any of Rollins old men in his territory and never would.
A tiny hunched figure lay rolled up in a ball in the middle of the alley. His back and sides received the majority of the kicks the Dime Lions were bestowing upon his frail figure and despite the painful screeches and whimpers every time a hit landed he refused to move. Kaz realized through a white-hot flash of fury that they were torturing a child.
Kaz saw red. He may not have cared for most of the Barrel’s children, but he had been one of them too. If he had ever slipped a few coins while passing them in the streets, unnoticed like all his other coin tricks, then no one was ever the wiser for it. The Dregs was an unspoken safe territory for children. Kaz had never explicitly said it, but the entire gang knew that any children who wandered in this side of the Barrel were supposed to be left alone. There was enough pain and misery without having to force it upon innocents who would die anyway.
Within moments Dirtyhands had disarmed the two Dime Lions, crushing one's skull with his cane, rendering him unconscious and the second sprawled on his back while Kaz stepped on his fingers, crushing it to to pieces.
"This isn't your business Dirtyhands. Let the child go. He's ours." The man still had the audacity to speak back to him and Kaz just stepped on his hand harder.
"This is my territory, lion. Everything belongs to me here." Kaz spat, crushing the fingers in the man’s other hand too, taking his time to drag his feet to ensure the point was clear.
The man screamed in agonizing pain and Kaz kept his boot firmly on his fingers until he passed out. His friend was long dead from the cracked skull. Kaz backed away in disdain. He'd have Pim retrieve him for an interrogation later. The Dime Lions were disorganized since Rollins had left but the fact that they had gotten brave enough to encroach on Dregs territory was not something Kaz would put up with.
He turned instead to the scene behind him. The child was silently crying, his clothes drenched in blood and Kaz felt his heart weigh heavier for a second when he realized that there was probably no way to save him at this point. The Slat was still a few streets away and no medik would make it in time. Oh well… It wasn't the first time although it didn't make the ordeal any more pleasant.
"Please, No." the boy whimpered out through labored breaths. His eyes were barely open and he had no way to realize he was talking to Dirtyhands himself but Kaz supposed that at this point, anyone who laid a hand on the child would be as big a monster to him. For once, Kaz Brekker didn’t know what to say. Dirtyhands would have walked away, thinking saving the boy’s life was favor enough but for once his demonic persona was silent. Kaz Rietveld slipped through the cracks instead.
"I won't hurt you," Kaz said. His voice, raspy as it was, was uncommonly gentle even to himself. The boy slumped over to his side in exhaustion and Kaz realized with a sickening lurch why the boy had been in such an uncomfortable position the entire time the Dime Lions had been hurting him.
In his arms was a baby. Asleep or unconscious, Kaz didn't know but he saw the baby breathe and a knot he didn't even realize was there loosened in his chest.
"Where are your parents?" Kaz asked, voice gruff but still gentle. The boy looked in pain but replied through a mouth gurgling blood, "They killed them. Ma and Da. They wanted money."
Kaz swallowed hard. The boy’s ribs were broken badly and he was already slipping away. Then his eyes snapped back up to Kaz, pleading, desperate.
"P-please," he cried. "My sister."
Kaz looked from the boy to the baby.
"D-don't l-let them… h-hurt her." He begged through the pain and tears.
Jordie's face flashed in Kaz's mind. He hadn't been much older than this boy was. This boy was only eleven by the looks of it. And yet, it was as if Jordie was staring through his eyes at him. Pleading for escape but holding on for his sister.
Kaz finally lowered himself next to the boy, ignoring his protesting knee, and gently put a gloved hand on the child’s head. It had taken forever to get even this comfortable with touching people – strangers – through his gloves, but he could manage it. He still didn't know why he did it.
Dirtyhands didn't know why. Dirtyhands thought it was a waste of time especially when the child was dying anyway. Kaz Rietveld wasn't heartless. He remembered wishing someone would put their hand on his head in kindness when he and Jordie had had the plague. He remembered missing his Da and Ma in those moments before death. This boy was too innocent yet even in his dying breaths. He still hoped for kindness even in a place as rotten as the Barrel.
"I'm sorry I c-cant," The boy struggled to speak now. He lifted his hand and reached for his sister one last time as if to hug her before turning to Kaz once more. His eyes were wild and desperate. Apologetic to the sister he was leaving behind. "Please" He asked once more and Kaz finally gave a short nod. The boy gave a small sigh, pain and relief mingled together, before finally breathing his last.
Kaz swallowed hard as he closed the young boy's eyes. There would be no funerals. But Kaz Rietveld mourned the boy who fought so much to protect his sister like Jordie had tried to protect him.
The baby woke up then, as if sensing something was wrong. As if she knew her last of kin had died. She wailed and Dirtyhands contemplated leaving her there or simply killing her to put her out of her misery. The Barrel killed children before they reached adulthood but it was no place for a baby. For some reason he couldn't. Jordie's voice was whispering in his ear.
Is this what Jordie's forgiveness looked like?
Kaz made a split-second decision. He didn't think things through or at all. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard King of the Barrel always thought things through. He picked up the baby who had lived through far more terror than she ever should have in less than a year of her life. He had thought none of it through when he arrived at the Slat ten minutes later with a crying baby shielded by his coat.
But he would.
Inej never knew what to expect when it came to Kaz. She knew his secrets and he'd dropped his armor around her and only her in between her visits to Ketterdam over the years but he still managed to catch her by surprise every time. He tried for her, even with all his flaws and for her that was enough because she had them too.
Inej had returned from sea a week prior and had been to dinner at the Van Eck mansion. She knew Kaz was dealing at the Club and likely wouldn't make it. She shared the attic room at the Slat with him and had before they had gotten married less than two years earlier so knowing she'd see him later, she had delayed her return until well into the night once Jesper and Wylan had finally stopped making her laugh herself into stitches. She had missed them. She always missed her friends when she was away at sea.
Slipping into his window silently, Inej's mouth fell open the moment she saw Kaz hovering over a tiny bundle in their bed and the Dregs medik who was clearly just as confused as she was. The medik didn't notice her as he finished telling Kaz that the baby was alright, just very scared. When he finally left, Inej turned to Kaz with an eyebrow raised asking the question for her.
For once, Kaz Brekker looked like he had no plan. His shirt was covered in blood and so were the baby’s clothes but this was very little to go off of.
"Dime Lions. Parents were in debt." Kaz explained shortly. "Her brother died protecting her. I didn't know what else to do."
Inej softened. She knew that was a lie. She knew Kaz Brekker too well to know he hadn't considered sending the baby to join her family before ever considering bringing her back to the Slat. It seemed Kaz had made an impulsive choice instead. It loosened something in her chest even more. Kaz was a good man, even if he didn’t believe it.
She walked over to the child to see she'd fallen asleep, her little face red as if she'd spent a long time crying.
"Does anyone know?"
"Roeder came back an hour ago. Her father used to frequent the Emerald Palace. I suppose the Dime Lions are harassing old creditors for money now that Pekka is gone."
Inej nodded. She picked up the bitterness that still remained in Kaz’s voice whenever he said Pekka’s name but she knew this time it wasn’t for himself. Her eyes were still on the hapless child as he continued.
"I sent Anika to make sure her brother's body was taken care of. I-“ He hesitated and Inej turned to look at him. “I was thinking of sending Rotty to go and bury him on Black Veil tomorrow.”
Kaz’s eyes were guarded as he looked at the child asleep beside him. Inej knew he was remembering Jordie. Remembering the fact that he didn’t have a grave and no ashes either. Long dissolved by the sea. This was Kaz trying to save another child from him own story. She was proud of him for trying.
When she didn’t say anything, Kaz continued, “Pim has one of the Dime Lions as hostage. They've been getting too comfortable near our territory lately and I want to know why."
And you want to hurt them for taking away this girl's family
Inej heard Kaz's unspoken words. This situation was too similar to his own with Jordie, down to the very gang that separated the family.
"What are we going to do about her?"
Kaz didn't even blink at her use of "we". They'd been committed to each other for years now. Any decision Kaz took, Inej was with him and vice versa. It had served them well when she was in the Dregs. It still served her well still as Captain Ghafa and Bastard King of the Barrel and they would work together to handle this situation.
"I don't know." Kaz finally replied.
Inej blinked once. Then again. In all her years of knowing Kaz Brekker he had never uttered these three words and had meant them. He always had a plan. And the full realization settled on Inej that Kaz really did make this choice on impulse. He was still too quick to deny any goodness in his heart but Inej knew otherwise. It was also why she knew his choice before even he did.
"The orphanages won't take care of her. She'll be dead in less than a month and I…" Kaz looked down then. Inej sat down next to him and he took her hand, "I promised her brother she wouldn't get hurt."
Inej knew Kaz was many vile things. But one thing she knew best about him was that he did keep his word. He didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.
Better terrible truths than kind lies. She knew that better than anyone.
"Then I suppose the best way to do that is to protect her ourselves."
The baby's name was Maha. Her mother was Suli, her father was Kerch. Roeder was right in his Intel of the father frequenting the Emerald Palace. Maha's father had worked at the docks in Fourth Harbor. Her mother seemed to run a tiny bakery out of their own home for extra money. The broken picture frame of the happy family – mother, father, brother and sister – in the living room had made Inej's heart crack as well when she went to inspect the baby girl's house herself.
Roeder had brought the basic information but they still needed the baby's identification papers. Specht could forge an adoption certificate but they still had no idea who she was.
She returned a while later with a bag full of the baby's clothes, the necessary papers and a few toys. The picture of the family had been wiped of the glass shards and was safely tucked among the necessities too. The clothes and toys were a relief, at least the Bastard of the Barrel and the Dregs’ Pirate Queen wouldn't have to go baby shopping and risk the gaze of curious onlookers. Most people still were unaware of Kaz and Inej's relationship and they liked it that way.
Inej still wasn't sure what she and Kaz would do regarding his notoriety as a Barrel boss and Inej's pirating with a baby now though. She was docked for 6 months after a long while away at sea but after that she wasn't so sure what they would do.
Five years on the open sea following the aim of her arrow had made Inej proud of herself. The Slave trade was significantly reduced and Inej finally felt satisfied enough to go on shorter voyages and return to Ketterdam for longer intervals but that didn't mean it was over. Inej was suddenly more relieved than ever that she had gotten herself two smaller warships with crews to roam the seas in hunt of slavers when The Wraith was docked for the longer intervals. Initially it was just to get rid of the residual survivor's guilt that didn't leave her in peace every time she docked but now it proved more useful since apparently she was a parent now.
Kaz was sitting at his desk when she arrived back. The baby was still asleep. He looked up when Inej arrived. She recognized his scheming face.
"I brought back the necessities." Inej told him, going to check up on the baby. Her tiny breaths were escaping in small puffs and the sight couldn't help but make Inej smile despite the looming worries.
"We need a few days to adjust with her," Kaz finally spoke up. "I don't want the gang knowing about this yet."
"Kaz, she's a child. Not a painting. We can't hide her."
"We won't hide her forever. But we don't know anything about taking care of her. I'm not sure why you’re so calm about this. I just said we need to figure out a game plan."
"You can't scheme your way out of this Kaz. Parenting is unpredictable. There is no foolproof plan you can make."
Kaz was silent. "Why are you agreeing to this?" he asked again.
"We're married, Kaz." Inej's glare was intense. Sure, there hadn't been fanfare but two years earlier Kaz had slipped her a ring and asked. They'd hadn’t made a big deal about it, neither of them fans of ostentatious productions, and had simply snuck the papers into the Ketterdam registry with no one the wiser but their friends and the most loyal of the Dregs. Everyone in the gang knew about her and Kaz’s relationship but few knew they had had it registered.
Inej sighed. "Do you want to do this? We can't go in half-heartedly."
Kaz was still for a moment before looking away. "This was just another one of those dreams that would have died with Kaz Rietveld." He said after a while.
"Does Kaz Brekker have this dream anyway?" Inej understood more of what he meant without him ever saying it.
He nodded and Inej came close to him. He opened his arms and she immediately walked up to him, putting her arms around him as he leaned his head against her stomach and hugged her. She felt him inhale a bracing breath as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Then we do this together. I've wanted a family too. You know that. If the Saints sent this little girl in our protection, then we'll do our best."
Do their best they did. Kaz took a few days off from terrorizing the Dregs. Nobody but the Medik, Anika, Pim and Roeder knew why and nobody asked. The walls in the Slat were not thick by any means but nobody dared to venture near the attic once Kaz had made it explicitly clear he was not to be disturbed.
The first few days were… difficult to put it bluntly. Neither he nor Inej knew what they were doing and Maha clearly knew it too. She gave the two twenty-five year olds hell. Kaz knew she recognized that, despite both his and Inej's skin matching her parents, she knew they certainly were not them and were some imposters instead.
They didn't sleep very well for those days. It was trial and error figuring out how to change clothes and diapers and one very confusing debate about what one year old babies ate. Kaz was a prodigy but even he had never needed to bother learning what babies ate for his heists. Eventually they just ended up giving her milk until they could visit Marya Van Eck and ask her for some guidance. The woman had come back to herself over the years and no one had been more pleased about that than Wylan.
Jesper finally came knocking on the third day after neither Kaz nor Inej showed up at the mansion nor at the club. The Dregs members were all unaware of what they were up to but Jesper could feel their confusion although they didn't dare voice whatever thoughts they had.
Appearing in the attic rooms of the Slat and coming across Inej and Kaz trying to put a baby girl to sleep was the last thing he expected to find. Inej's knives were strewn about the room where they used to be meticulously placed. Kaz's usually neat shirt was wrinkled and both of their hair was a mess.
Jesper watched the scene then promptly backed out of the room. Five minutes later, the picture still hadn't changed. All things considered, Jesper thought he rolled with getting a surprise niece very well.
After about a week of crying, Maha finally seemed to realize her parents weren't coming back. Her cries were now little more than sniffles and hiccups but she still didn't sleep easy and Kaz and Inej were losing their minds.
Her tiny sniffs and huffs were heartbreaking for the couple and Inej was driven near tears after Maha's innocent eyes burned into her as if asking for her real parents. After that she gave them no trouble, accepting her new situation to be as it was but one night she woke up, looked around the room and started crying again and wouldn't stop no matter how much Inej rocked her.
Kaz had gone downstairs to assign the evening's duties at the club and pick up some paperwork. She and him had figured out a routine so that both of them could stretch their legs while they were still adjusting to the new presence.
The moment Kaz came back Maha's wails stopped. Large round teardrops still streamed from her tiny face but she stopped screaming upon seeing Kaz's face. Inej almost sobbed with relief. Then Maha began wriggling in her arms and let out a cry as she leaned towards Kaz.
He came and grabbed her from Inej's arms and Maha's cries immediately ceased. Both newfound parents were immediately stunned.
She was crying because of Kaz
Then Inej let out a short laugh. "She was crying because she missed you."
Kaz frowned like he wanted to deny it but Maha chose that moment to burrow further into his arms which made Inej laugh even harder.
"Looks like she's gonna be a daddy's girl." Inej smiled in relief, satisfied that Maha was alright now. She let out a sigh as she saw Maha content against Kaz's shoulder, already falling back asleep, then left through the window for her own little break.
Anika finally ventured to see if Kaz was willing to come to the Crow Club again. Rumors were starting to spread and she knew her boss wouldn't appreciate any unease regarding his position as King of the Barrel. That, unfortunately, set about a whole new discussion. After putting Maha to bed, Inej came to see Kaz half asleep at his work table with scheming face in place.
"What are you thinking," she asked.
Kaz sighed heavily. In less than a week, Inej and him and become parents, responsible for a small child who couldn't care for herself. They were tired and they both had jobs but most importantly, they were growing attached. Kaz hadn't felt real fear since the day he'd almost lost Inej. He didn't know what he'd do if down the line he got attached to Maha and something happened to her. He was a walking target and while his friends and his wife could take care of themselves, a baby could not.
"Maha makes us vulnerable," Kaz huffed. "I'm trying to figure out how to make sure nobody comes for her."
"No hiding." Inej said even though she knew he didn't need it. Kaz would never hide a child like this. Especially not one so young and dependent on them.
"I'm thinking of just taking her to the Crow Club with me," He admitted.
"The Crow Club?" She asked incredulously. "What makes you think an environment with gambling drunkards is the best place for a baby to be?"
"It’s not. But I need to make a statement. We aren't afraid of anyone. Nobody's going to get to her, not before going through us. I'll take her in a few nights when I have to go," Kaz said.
Inej frowned. "You know better than anyone that children can be used against you, Kaz. You've done it yourself. Is announcing it so openly the best idea?"
"Pekka kept his son hidden which is why it was so easy to use him as a weakness. He was afraid and he showed it." Kaz countered. "The Crow Club is Dregs territory and most of them already knows something is off. They just haven’t said anything because Anika and Pim have been keeping them in line. If I take her to the Crow Club, I'm going to announce exactly what happens in vivid detail if anyone dares to lay a finger on our child."
"They won't have any fingers left," Inej growled. She looked contemplative for a moment before giving him a short nod. Kaz’s plan was probably the most feasible option for them as far as danger for Maha was concerned. "Fear of what will happen to her will kill us more than anything actually happening and we can't keep her hidden." She added, remembering what Kaz had told her when he had used Pekka's son against him. "But maybe a more slow and subtle approach?"
The next day all the Dregs found their boss casually walking around the Slat with a baby in his arms. A simple question led to a snap answer. She was his daughter. Nobody asked a follow up question although weeks of curiosity had finally been sated but dozens more questions cropped up in its place.
Rumor spread fast and the mystery was spoken about in practically every gambling den in Ketterdam and then spread further. Nobody dared approach Dirtyhands at the Crow Club or on the street to ask him themselves. The Dregs were loyal and didn't convey any details.
Another week later Kaz Brekker walked into the Crow Club on time. He didn't deal the cards, just kept a tight eye on the dealers that night. Midway through the evening the patrons of the Club looked up in confusion as a baby's wails were heard. Heads turned as Kaz Brekker promptly walked into a private parlor at the back of the Club and emerged a few minutes later with a baby girl in his arms.
The shock was palatable and there was a pin drop silence. The baby in Dirtyhands' arms was peacefully laying against his shoulder, babbling away. Kaz pretended he didn't see that all eyes were on him. He went back to his perch near the bar and just asked for another drink and continued conversing with Jesper who had turned up with Wylan just for the entertainment. He had joked that this was Maha’s debut as the Princess of the Barrel and Inej had hit him for it but both Kaz and her had smiled.
An uneasy murmur fell over the club as the patrons went back to their games, shooting glances towards the Barrel Boss and the baby in his arms.
It didn't take long for someone to try their luck and ask the billion-dollar question. Kaz was waiting for this and the patron was standing too close to comfort and trying too hard to get a look at Maha which sent a flare of intense fury through Kaz's veins which even he wasn't sure where he had procured from. He wasn't planning on actually getting angry, just playing the act. But it seemed protective instincts had already kicked in for Dirtyhands even if he had been apprehensive of the baby at first.
It didn't take long for him to explain in vivid detail what would happen if anyone even attempted to touch a single strand of hair on the head of the baby currently peacefully laying in his arms. The patrons of the Crow Club left considerably richer but shivering as they tried to expel the image of the fearsome Barrel Boss gutting them, crushing their bones and letting them bleed out painfully.
No one had looked at Maha the entire night after that, scared that even looking at her in the wrong direction would have Dirtyhands make good on his promise.
Inej was smirking when she climbed in through the window later that evening. She'd slipped in with Maha through the windows in the private parlor when Maha had started screaming. Inej knew she cried in the evenings if Kaz wasn't around so bringing her to the Club served their purpose more than hindered it. Kaz had arrived in the parlor and promptly upon seeing him, Maha had silenced.
It bewildered Kaz to no end but Inej just laughed. It was clear Maha had already picked her favorite parent in less than a month starting from the night she started crying when she woke up and he wasn't near her. Kaz's mixed expression of shock and confusion whenever he felt her calm down in his arms during a tantrum was one of Inej's favorites. It was like he never could believe he was having any sort of positive affect on anybody, especially someone so small and dependent.
Maha would soothe instantly the moment she realized Kaz was holding her and Inej would feel jealous except she knew how important it was for Kaz to have someone so fragile depend on him. Kaz still had good days and bad days when the waters started rising but Maha was already a good influence, her tiny hands a small reminder that he'd survived the waves and he got used to her touches much faster than he ever had with anyone else. Inej was still the only person he trusted at all times and even then he needed his gloves with her on the bad days. With Maha, things seemed to get a tiny bit better than before.
"That went well." Inej mused as she unraveled her braid. Kaz had put Maha to bed after rocking her to and fro in the tiny cot they had gotten from her house and put up beside their bed.
Kaz looked pleased. "I don't think we'll have to worry about anyone attempting to harm our little one anytime soon."
Inej didn't bother to hide her smile at his words.
‘Our little one.’
Kaz was growing attached as much as she knew he was trying to avoid it and it was beautiful to see.
Maha being a daddy's girl was something that baffled Kaz to no end even if it amused Inej. He was the Bastard of the Barrel. Terrifying to adults and children alike but somehow nothing in his demeanor scared the tiny tot he and Inej had ended up adopting.
Kaz had been mentally prepared for Inej to be the favorite parent. She was kind and gentle and children naturally found her more comforting a presence whenever next to Kaz – which wasn't saying much because anyone's presence felt comforting next to Kaz.
Maha was entirely different. After she had realized her new arrangement, she had stuck tight to Kaz as if knowing her brother had entrusted her to him and only him in his last moments. She always liked to make sure he was present and if he wasn't, she'd more than often start crying until he returned.
When he was working, she refused to leave his lap and preferred to sit on the table and make a mess of the extra deck of playing cards he kept there. It was an adorable sight to see: Kaz Brekker hunched over the Crow Club numbers on his table while baby Maha sat on the table or near him on the floor, with cards splayed around her and usually one in her mouth too.
Maha took a little longer to warm up to her new mother but she loved Inej too. She loved playing with the necklace of Sankta Lizabeta that hung from her neck – an heirloom from Inej's mother. She loved watching Inej as she cleaned her knives although Inej kept them well out of reach and she laughed like no other when Inej spun around the room with Maha in her arms.
The first time this had happened, Kaz realized that there were now two laughs he would love to bottle up and get drunk off of every night. Inej's laugh had been his constant balm but Maha's laugh mixed with hers made Kaz's heart ache in a different way.
Family.
It's a word he hadn't thought of in so long. Family… that's what he and Inej and Maha were now. He'd always known he'd have Inej and his friends were the closest family he had ever had since Jordie died but Maha had been an unexpected addition. It still shocked him how little he minded it. It shocked him how much his heart warmed at the thought of it too.
Hearing Maha squeal with laughter as Inej spun her around again, Kaz couldn't help the soft smile that slipped on his face.
I wish you could be here to see this, Jordie.
There were times when Maha started crying when even Kaz couldn't calm her down. She absolutely would not stop and even the Dregs medik had no idea what to do about it. The first time this had happened, Inej had taken her across the rooftops. It was a favorite past time for her and the baby girl in her arms seemed to agree the view was beautiful and the wind more pleasant because she had stopped crying and stared in awe at the setting sun across the horizon.
After that, Inej would strap her to a carrier and then bound across the rooftops, carrying her baby girl close quite often.
Inej remembered the technique from when her people used to do it while traveling. Carrying Maha across the rooftops, she felt as if she could remember her own mother carrying her in the same way. The wind always left a pretty flush on the baby's cheeks and she constantly giggled.
Inej felt something melt in her ribcage every time Maha looked up at her as if she adored her. She hadn't started speaking yet, still babbling, but Inej knew she and Kaz were already in a silent competition to see who could get her to say their name first.
It had been three months since Maha had become a part of their tiny family. Inej sometimes could hardly believe how the time had passed. She could hardly believe she was here sometimes. The remembrance of what happened to Maha's real parents still left a bitter taste in both her and Kaz's mouths. They had killed the man responsible for hurting Maha's brother after interrogating him for information about who was trying to roundup the Dime Lions and Kaz had seen fit to go murder the man himself the week after instead of sending someone else to do it. They had also ended up burying Maha’s brother and her parents bodies, what was left of them, on Black Veil Island. People like them didn’t get funerals, but Kaz had wanted it remembering how much he wished he could have Jordie’s grave to visit and pay respect to. Maha deserved what he hadn’t gotten a chance to have.
It felt strange to admit they were Maha's parents now. But Inej knew she wouldn't have it any other way. She thanked her Saints for sending her the family she had always wanted but was never sure she could have. After her time at the Menagerie, Inej was scared she was too scarred to ever take that step with anyone despite wanting to. With Kaz she'd found a kindred spirit. He hated touch more than she did but for such different reasons.
Things had gotten better over the years. They had both grown together and apart. Kissing and hugging and touching came easy to them but there were days where they still couldn't go far. This time it was her traumas preventing her since Kaz had done well to overcome most of his own. Seven years was a long time but it had been worth the wait. Inej didn't want to be with anyone else. But she also wanted a family and it had terrified Inej that it was something beyond her and Kaz's reach. But then her Saints had sent Maha.
Inej loved taking her little girl across the rooftops. She loved playing with her and trying to teach her to speak. She loved wandering with her and Kaz down to the docks where The Wraith still proudly stood. Maha loved the sea spray. She loved coming home from a reconnaissance mission to her daughter’s joyful squeals and she loved peppering kisses on her tiny face and hearing her giggle.
What Inej loved more though, was seeing Kaz with Maha. He was so gentle with her. In the moments where he played with her, gloves discarded, and smile on his lips, Inej felt herself fall harder for the man who felt his soul was black but Inej knew was just a really dark shade of grey.
Maha had taken to Kaz’s gloves the way she'd taken to Inej's locket. The first time the baby had attempted to tug Kaz's gloves off, he had frozen up. Maha had seemed to sense his apprehension and had started crying which had led Kaz to unfreeze and soothe her. But the next time she tried, he relaxed and let her tug and chew at them to her hearts content. The leather was soft and it seemed Maha liked the texture.
Maybe it was the fact that none of the corpses on the Reaper's Barge had been babies, at least none that Kaz could remember, or maybe it was just because Maha, like Inej, was the only exception to his lowered armor. It wasn't unlikely to see Kaz hold out his hands for Maha to try to tug the gloves off of. Sometimes she would reach out at Kaz to put them on herself and Kaz would oblige, the dark leather covering her tiny arms fully. She'd then squeal with joy and flail her arms happily. It was their little game, a way for Kaz to keep her entertained and Kaz would look at Maha with a softness she had never seen from him before. It reminded Inej of how her own father looked at her and Inej sometimes spent ages just watching her husband and daughter the way she knew Kaz watched her when she spun Maha around their room.
The first time Kaz got a panic attack was a few weeks before Maha's second birthday. He had been doing so well and he had never been triggered in front of her before but the waters tended to rise unexpectedly and such was the case that day too.
Kaz had been doing paperwork and Maha had tried to crawl into his lap. Kaz had let her sit there for a while as he worked but eventually her fidgeting had gotten too much and he had put her back on the ground. Apparently she hadn't liked that very much because she had ended up reaching up to grab Kaz's arm unexpectedly. He hadn’t seen it coming, Maha’s hand was wet from drool and suddenly Kaz was back on the Reader's Barge, a rotting corpse brushing up against his arm instead of his daughter's tiny hand.
Somehow, even in his haze, he had backed away slowly instead of violently but the moment Maha tried to take a step further he jumped back. The waters were rising and Kaz felt them as they came up to his throat and threatened to pull him under.
Maha's screaming had Anika running upstairs. The Dregs each had shifts for who was to guard baby Maha or babysit her if ever Kaz and Inej were both unavailable. Even when she was dropped off at Jesper and Wylan's, there were usually two Dregs on duty outside the mansion to watch out for anyone meaning her harm. Kaz was nothing if not thorough. But today Kaz was in his office and Inej went to check up on her crew and meet with them at the tavern.
It had started raining a little after she left but Kaz had been home. It's why the attic office was locked and why none of the Dregs were on duty. Maha screeching wasn't unheard of but the way she was wailing had most of the Dregs, even from the first floor of the Slat, looking up at the ceiling terrified. If the Boss wasn't home and something happened to his daughter, they'd all get their throats slit.
After two non-stop minutes of Maha screaming, Anika went upstairs to check. The lock was still on the door but Kaz wasn't responding. She sent Roeder to go get Inej from the local tavern then, a sick feeling in her gut. The only consolation was that Maha was still crying meaning she was still alive and still upstairs. But the question was, why wasn't she quietening when usually only being in Kaz's arms was enough to calm down her tantrums?
Inej entered her room through the window, stressed and in a rush. Maha was sobbing on the floor and Kaz was on the other side of the room. A single look and Inej knew he was having a panic attack. It had only been fifteen minutes since the cries had first reach the rest of the Dregs downstairs but Kaz was completely out of it.
Inej grabbed her daughter first and hushed her gently but Maha lashed out reaching out for Kaz who was sitting on the bed, as far away from the edge as possible knowing Maha couldn't be able to climb on it yet.
The Wraith of Ketterdam rubbed soothing circles on her daughter's back as she tried to call out to Kaz so he'd wade back through the waters back to her. Back to Maha. Back to their family.
Kaz couldn't breathe. All he could hear was Jordie's cries of pain before the fever took him and his own weak cries on the Barge yelling for someone to help him. The water was rising, rising and it wouldn't stop. Kaz had forgotten how to breathe.
It was an eternity later when Kaz heard his darling Inej's voice.
"Kaz."
Her voice cut through the choppy waves and Kaz vaguely remembered she was a Captain. Inej lived half her year on the waves. She had a boat. She could get him to shore.
"Breathe with me, Kaz." She called and he heard the sound of her breathing cut crisp and clear through the waves rushing around him.
He breathed, in and out, according to the rhythm he heard and his eyes came back into focus. Inej was soaked through from the rain outside. She was sitting a distance away from him so she wouldn't get his clothes wet and trigger him again. In her arms was Maha who was now only whimpering as she held on tight to her mother's shoulder and looking up at Kaz with her doe eyes.
"You're safe, Kaz." Inej looked relieved seeing his eyes focus on them and his breathing ease again.
Then the guilt came flooding in.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. Broken. Angry. He was supposed to be taking care of Maha. What kind of father was he if he couldn't even notice his daughter was screaming for who knows how long.
"Kaz-"
"How long?" He asked. Inej was about to avoid the question again but he repeated the question, more firmly this time.
She sighed. "Fifteen minutes. But Kaz, this is not your fault. You were doing your best and she caught you off guard."
"That's no excuse, Inej!"
"It's an explanation and a good one too. You can't control the waters, Kaz. Just as I can't control my demons. It's not your fault."
Kaz didn't reply. He looked away from Maha and Inej. This was his biggest failure after Jordie. He wasn't sure how he'd forgive himself for it. How he'd trust himself around Maha for it. Inej didn’t know how to comfort him either.
But then a small voice cut through the helpless silence between himself and Inej.
"Da."
Kaz snapped her head towards Maha just as Inej did.
"Did she-" Inej breathed.
They'd been trying to get Maha to talk for months but she'd never intentionally called out to one of them before.
Kaz looked at her and Maha reached for him again. "Da."
Kaz felt the tears well up in his eyes. He didn't remember the last time he cried. Probably when he had told Inej what happened to him after Jordie died. He wanted to hold Maha, he wanted to hold his daughter but he was scared. He was scared of the water. Scared of hurting Maha. Of not being what she needed him to be. Of drowning before he could get the chance to be it.
"She wants you Kaz." Inej whispered softly. "You're her Da. She loves all of you anyway, without armor."
Kaz inhaled a shuddering breath, steeling himself. He grabbed his gloves from the bedside table where they usually were nowadays. He couldn't risk another panic attack from skin contact, especially not if Maha was in his arms.
Inej let her go and Maha crawled across the bed to Kaz before hugging him, grabbing onto fistfulls of his shirt as she curled into him. Kaz shuddered from the contact even through his shirt but breathed in and out slowly before slowly closing his arms over Maha in a protective huddle. He gently rocked her against his chest and he sighed in relief as the waters slowly subsided the more she wriggled against him and he found it easier to remember his daughter was living and breathing in his arms; not a corpse. She cooed quietly to herself, unaware of his silent tears as they fell but they were a quiet apology.
Not for the first time, Kaz remembered his own father. He missed him so much sometimes. His father had been poor but he had been kind and he had loved his sons wholeheartedly, doing his best to act in place of their deceased mother and manage the farm at the same time. Kaz had lost both his father figures too soon and neither of them had had to deal with what he did but he was trying.
I'm sorry Maha, Da is trying to get better. Jordie… Da… please help me.
Inej smiled through tears too as she saw Kaz get more comfortable with holding Maha again. He still held her gently, as if ready to give her back at any minute but she could see him wading through the waters behind his conflicted eyes. Inej was so proud of Kaz for trying, for shedding his armor for her over the years and now for Maha. She slowly inched closer as well, trying not to startle the father daughter duo until Kaz was wrapping one of his arms around her too.
For a moment they all just breathed as a family. They were wounded and cracked, each three of them in different ways, but together still whole.
Nina Zenik didn't do things by halves. This much was known by everyone who met her. So, when Inej sent her a letter telling her that she and Kaz had adopted a baby girl named Maha, instead of sending a letter in return as most people with busy lives usually did, the Slat doors burst open and one Nina Zenik robed in a magnificent blood red Corporalki kefta marched through to the attic, ready to meet her niece.
She had gotten the first ship out of Ravka that she could arrange and was here to stay for at least a month. Inej had been expecting her parents to arrive. She had known they would want to meet Maha. What she didn't expect was for Nina to waltz in with a gift basket as if it was any other Tuesday, share quips with Kaz before hugging her and demanding to be introduced to the newest member of the family.
"Brekker," Nina had greeted Kaz who was sitting at the table, bad leg stretched out as he did paperwork. He looked unphased though Inej knew he was surprised at her arrival too.
"Zenik" Kaz acknowledged, turning back to his paperwork to hide a smile. He was pleased to see her too even though he didn't show it. His work was promptly covered by an enormous gift basket instead.
"Compliments from your friend the King of Ravka." Nina said dismissively. "He sends his regards since he couldn't make it to congratulate you in person. Sent me instead since proper royal etiquette demands keeping good foreign relations with Barrel bosses of foreign countries."
"It pays to know people" Kaz replied amused. The gift basket truly was enormous. Nikolai Lantsov had truly outdone himself for his friend across the sea.
"You're a father now, Brekker. Never thought I'd see the day."
"Neither did I, Zenik and yet here we are." Kaz finally let the smile he was hiding slip. Nina matched it and finally turned away, considering her duty done.
Instead, she squealed as she hugged Inej. Both girls had missed each other and a volley of congratulations fell through her lips as Nina demanded to meet her niece at once and asked if she knew the importance of waffles in daily diet yet in the same breath.
Inej laughed. She'd missed Nina so much. Seeing her again was unexpected but never unwelcome. They never got to see each other as often as they used to when they both were in the Dregs. Now Nina was a Ravkan Ambassador and Inej was a Captain. Their paths more often missed than crossed so seeing her best friend again, Inej held back happy tears. With Wylan and Jes only a few miles away, her family was complete.
Maha promptly hid behind Inej's legs, confused at the whirlwind of a woman who had entered through the door. She stayed hidden as Inej and Nina hugged and when Nina finally spotted her, Inej knelt down next to Maha to try and introduce them. Maha turned her face to hide in her mother's side as she used Inej's long hair, which was left loose for once, as a shield.
After a bit of gentle coaxing, Maha met her Aunt Nina and said Aunt Nina was smitten by her adorable niece at once. She claimed babysitting rights for the whole time she was in Ketterdam and when she left, Maha was spoiled rotten with the gifts her aunt had gotten her.
A happy family could only stay happy for so long and an attack on Maha was inevitable no matter how many cautions Kaz put into place and no matter how much he tried to convince himself and Inej nobody would try to cross him. Having too much power could guarantee safety but it also guaranteed danger in other places.
The Black Tips had snuck into a private parlor in the Crow Club which was more or less reserved for Kaz and Inej's family and friends at this point. It was also the room where Maha stayed whenever Kaz was looking after her while he worked at the Crow Club. Maha was playing contentedly on the floor with a tiny stuffed crow that her grandmother had sewn for her, this room being as familiar to her as her own.
The Black Tips spider who had been charged with the assignment of kidnapping the Dregs’ princess waited a long while and panicked when Maha started to cry. Kaz had rushed into the room and the spider held his breath outside the windoe until he left. He finally breathed a sigh of relief when Dirtyhands didn't seem to notice him. Kaz gently put his daughter to sleep before making his way back out to the club. The Dregs that were left to guard the room brought out a deck of cards to pass the time.
The spider rattled the window causing the Dregs guards to move towards it in suspicion. After that he knocked them out quickly, desperately looking over his shoulder to make sure the baby was still asleep. It wouldn’t do for her to start screaming and alert her psychotic father. Seeing that was not the case, he walked over, intending to the make quick work of grabbing Dirtyhand’s and the Wraith's child. She would fetch quite a tidy sum and maybe even the reputation of both the Barrel King and Pirate Queen.
Before he could even touch her, however, He found a curved blade cutting against his throat, ready to slice through if he so much as gulped his saliva down.
The Wraith.
Kaz and Inej weren't stupid.
They knew someone would try to come for Maha at some point or another. It was impossible for someone in the Barrel to not be so foolish. It was why Maha had at least two random rotation Dregs’ members guarding her whenever Inej or Kaz weren't with her. It was why even Jesper and Wylan conceded to two guards whenever they were babysitting at the Van Eck mansion as well. Kaz and Inej trusted them more than anyone else to take care of Maha but Jesper and Wylan could be outnumbered too.
Inej knew what the Black Tips were planning weeks before they executed it. Kaz wanted to go and raze them all down for even thinking of trying such a plan let alone attempting it but the Wraith had other ideas. This situation felt too close to comfort for her, the same way the Dime Lions attacking Maha's brother had been too close for Kaz. It was her scheming face that Kaz gave into this time.
The day the plan was executed, two of the newer Dregs members were guarding Maha. Kaz had gone to the Club with her to oversee some renovations to the bar. Inej had left the Slat earlier that day needing to organize supplies for her next voyage in a few weeks. It was to be a short one but she had been looking forward to it nonetheless.
Seeing her work took her less than an hour, the Wraith of Ketterdam changed course to the Crow Club and arrived even earlier than the Black Tips spider did who was sure to be the one to enact the kidnapping.
Inej spotted two other guards waiting in the street below and already had a plan to take them out the moment the spider was distracted.
Inej's blood boiled at the idea of anyone touching her daughter. She had been kidnapped right from her own home, from her own bed, and her parents had been devastated. She had long promised herself she wouldn't allow it to happen to her child, if she ever had children. It had taken her an immense amount of self-restraint not to kill every member of the Black Tips the moment she had heard them plotting. The spark of vengeance that only emerged while she was hunting slavers on the True Sea emerged white-hot and ten times brighter now that it was her own daughter that was going to be taken.
The minute the Black Tips spider knocked out the Dregs guards, who had been purposely told how hard to fight back to stall since Inej would be there the whole time, Inej knocked down the guards waiting on the street below.
She snuck up behind the spider before he could even reach for Maha. Sankta Anastasia was in her hand, the curved knife recently sharpened with vengeance just for this moment, and she held it to the kidnapper's throat with a rage unlike any she'd ever felt before.
"You shouldn't have tried to do that. Kaz warned you," Inej hissed. The Black Tip shuddered in fear as the knife cut closer to his throat. "We're going make an example of you to make sure no one ever tries to cross this line again."
Inej didn't like the idea of violence in front of her daughter but Maha was asleep. She took Sankta Alina and stabbed the man in front of her in the shoulder. He let out a scream and she held Sankta Anastasia closer to his throat.
"Don’t wake up the baby or this will be far more painful than it already is." Inej's voice was quiet, mocking, but held such venom the Black Tip’s spider wanted to die right then to escape the pain that was sure to follow. The Wraith’s Captain was known for her mercilessness on the sea and the woman who owned the ship’s moniker could be just as violent on land.
Then the door opened and Kaz walked in with Jesper and Rotty behind him. He looked completely unsurprised at the scene before him and the Black Tip realized with resounding horror that Dirtyhands had known he was coming all along. This was a trap.
Members of other gangs shuddered as they saw the bloody, beaten raw carcass of what used to be the previous spider of the Black Tips. His eyes were missing and his flesh was carved, face beaten in so horribly that one could hardly tell who he had once been if it weren't for the mangled tattoo on one of his arms. The Black tips symbol was left dripping blood from a bullet-hole and above it, darkened to the point where it could barely be seen, was a warning carved meticulously with Sankt Petyr. A crow and a cup with a knife. The symbol of the Dregs. The symbol of The Wraith. A clear warning.
The first time someone tried to kidnap Maha was the last time too.
Jesper and Wylan were Maha's favorite babysitters. Mostly because they were her only consistent babysitters. The Dregs did their best but Kaz had them on a changing rotation that he never wrote down for a reason. He didn't think anyone would dare try and pull a stunt like the Black Tips did but he still took no chances when it came to his family.
For the Dregs, having a baby around was an… adjustment. They were ruthless independent con artists, thieves and murderers. An innocent child in their midst was unexpected. They took to her well enough and nobody disliked babysitting for fifteen minutes when both Kaz and Inej were unavailable but there was always a lasting dread that if something were to happen to the boss' kid, he'd have their heads for it.
Jesper and Wylan were given the longer babysitting stints and they looked forward to them. After the realization that they were now uncles to an adorable toddler had sunk in, they had spoiled her rotten. They bought her toys and clothes and it got to the point where Inej had to tell them to stop because her and Kaz's things were hard to find among all the things Maha owned now.
"Look if I don't spend money gambling I save up. What better way than to spend it on my niece, Inej," Jesper had whined.
Kaz had responded to that.
"You'll have to buy us our own mansion then Jesper." His scowl was ever present but there was no heat behind it. Kaz knew Maha had everyone wrapped around her finger and the fact that so many people loved her and cared for her was not a bad thing. Especially Jesper. Kaz thought he loved her and spoiled her with the same intensity Jordie would have, had he been alive.
Jesper promptly took Kaz's words and ran with them as he was prone to do. A week later, one of the excessive Van Eck mansion bedrooms had been turned into a playroom for Maha and all the future toys and knick knacks they bought her waited for when she was to next visit them.
Jesper and Wylan loved Maha. She was a happy baby and loved them too. She loved coloring with Wylan and his mother. He'd set out all the supplies for her and she'd make a mess which would end up framed somewhere around the house or in the Slat’s attic. She loved pulling on Wylan’s red hair which was an anomaly to her among everyone else’s and Wylan read her picture books with made up stories, relieved that she couldn’t read yet because it meant he could still use his imagination to help hers.
Jesper found her fascinating. He was so somewhat nervous around her in the beginning, scared he'd do something wrong or behave too recklessly and hurt her. She was Kaz and Inej’s daughter and he was their best friend. He felt an immense responsibility to take care of her and felt honored they trusted him enough to do it despite his past mistakes. Kaz had never said anything when he’d tried to bring it up, the first time the Barrel Boss had mentioned trusting Jesper with his daughter. Jesper knew who Jordie was now, and a part of him also felt he should honor the girl’s long dead uncle’s memory as well by being the best Uncle he could be.
Wylan had reassured him constantly though and Jesper became comfortable with the baby. His endless energy was also a source of comfort for Kaz and Inej because they could drop her off whenever they were too exhausted and seriously needed some sleep but didn’t have the energy to play with her as a young child required. Knowing he was officially the ‘fun uncle’ worked miles to boost his confidence which also led to some of his more classic Jesper chaotic ideas though.
"Hey Merchling," Jesper asked, slinging his arm around Wylan as they stood by the door waiting for Kaz and Inej to drop Maha off. "Do you think babies like high places? Maha's always with Inej and she uses the rooftops. Do you think she'd take after her? The breeze is nice today and a picnic on the rooftop garden sound like a nice idea."
"You will NOT endanger my child by trying to get her to climb rooftops, Jesper."
Jesper let out a yelp as he saw Inej standing behind him, Maha in her carrier. All these years and he could still never figure out when she was lurking.
"Inej! You need to stop doing that."
"And you need to not treat our daughter like a toy, Jesper," Kaz said from behind him. "Merchling, watch him. No rooftops with Jesper especially not alone. I don’t want my daughter falling off the railing."
"Oh come on! I don't need to be watched." Jesper complained. "I'm not actually gonna try and train her in rooftop acrobatics."
"With your endless reserves of energy, we never know," Inej said with a smile as she handed Maha over to him.
"Watch him, Wylan." Kaz repeated although the quirk at the side of his mouth gave away that it wasn't a serious order. Kaz trusted Jesper, and he didn’t regret it one bit.
Jesper did not take Maha to the roof but they played that day in the Van Eck mansions balcony which was almost as high and easy to catch the rare pleasant breeze that was moving through Ketterdam. Marya started a new painting and Jesper answered some letters from investors while Wylan watched Maha. She definitely enjoyed climbing on the railing like Kaz predicted though even though it was quite high. And if she almost fell two rungs and if Jesper was the one who checked her over 20 times despite it being a small fall and kept an eye on her to make sure she didn't attempt to climb the railing again for the rest of the afternoon then no one but him and the Merchling and Marya had to know.
Living in the Barrel did have its affects on toddlers as it turned out.
Having a bunch of knives, guns and other weapons was not a wise idea when having a child which is why Kaz and Inej usually put theirs on the highest shelf possible, much out of Maha’s reach albeit not entirely out of her sight. Unfortunately, Maha had grown quite interested in Inej’s knives and was always tugging on the holsters of her clothes trying to get to them. The well-made metal was a little too heavy and well placed for her tiny hands to draw them out but that didn’t stop her attempts regardless.
Inej didn’t like it but there wasn’t much she could do. It would be foolish to go anywhere without her knives especially if she had to take Maha with her. The high placement of Inej’s knives when not in use only served to fascinate the baby more and she’d start crying if she realized that the reason they were so high up and out of reach was to avoid her.
Inej had been packing for her next voyage, only two weeks this time luckily. She’d been packing up her suit case and Maha had been with her, promptly unpacking it. Kaz had let out a laugh when he saw how diligently Inej had been placing the clothes in and then Maha, who had been curiously watching her mother, had started taking them out. Inej had laughed too but didn’t say anything, just quietly repacking the things Maha took out.
The baby girl didn’t quite know Inej would be gone for a while. It would be Inej’s first voyage since adopting Maha so to her taking out the things Inej put in was simply a game. Inej put something in. Maha took something out and it repeated. Kaz had been about to pick up Maha and entertain her elsewhere so Inej could focus but Inej had told him to leave their little one be. She was doing no harm and Inej wanted to spend every last minute she could with her baby girl. Her heart already clenched at the thought of leaving her behind but the open sea was no place for a baby especially when Inej was constantly needed and the crew had their own tasks. With the Dregs, Inej knew Maha would be well looked after and on steady land.
Kaz didn’t say anything but Inej knew he wasn’t too keen on Maha leaving dry land anytime soon either. The sea had swallowed Jordie and it still terrified Kaz every time Inej went out to sea but she could take care of herself and Kaz trusted that she would even with enemy ships constantly tailing her. But Maha was defenseless and Inej’s line of work was even more unsuitable to look after a child in, especially without Kaz accompanying her to help so Inej had to leave her family behind for two weeks despite how painful it was.
Seeing as most of the clothes she needed – aside from the ones Maha was currently in the process of extracting – had been packed, Inej got up to gather the toiletries she would need to pack as well. She left the door to the bathroom open. Kaz had left five minutes earlier to assign which members would be on duty at the Crow Club that day. Hearing nothing amiss, Inej took her time but when she returned, Maha was sitting happily beneath the weapons shelf, holding on to Sankt Ilya. The sharp blade’s handle was pressed between her baby’s hands as she slammed the pointy end into the ground repeatedly. Inej’s mouth fell open in bafflement. How Maha had gotten up to the shelf she didn’t know but she inhaled sharply as she realized the danger her baby was in.
“Maha,” She called, gently moving towards the child.
Maha seemed to realize her mother was coming for the long-coveted knife she held because she gave an annoyed screech and hugged the knife closer. Inej froze. Negotiating with a toddler would appear harder than negotiating with other gang’s members.
Inej slowly inched forward but any movement from Inej led to Maha gripping the knife tighter which caused her to wince. Instead, Inej picked up one of Maha’s toys – a toy knife Jesper had gotten for her as a joke once he’d noticed Maha’s fascination with Inej’s knives – and held it out to her as a peace offering. Maha appeared to know the difference however because she started walking further away. The moment Inej took it as a distraction and ran, Maha walked away faster and ended up falling. She dropped the knife barely missing hurting herself on it and Inej held her breath in terror.
Saints help her.
The door to their room opened and Inej sighed with relief. Kaz looked just as surprised as she did at Maha holding a knife but he looked over at Inej and a silent agreement passed through them, just as it did any other time they went on a parlay and things weren’t going as planned.
Kaz started sliding off his gloves in direct view of Maha before gently calling to her, knowing she liked to play with them by tugging them off herself. But Maha clearly knew this was a ruse because she remained uninterested, picking up the knife and starting to bang it on the floor again. Kaz and Inej winced as she barely missed hitting her own leg.
It was a sight to behold. The Bastard King of the Barrel and the Fearsome Wraith of the True Sea terrified before a toddler.
“Kaz,” Inej whispered, trying not to alert Maha’s attention. He knew her plan before she even said it. Inej could never vanish for Maha, same as she couldn’t vanish for him. Somehow they both knew exactly when she was around so Kaz had to distract their daughter while Inej did her best to sneak the knife away. He focused on walking away from Maha to the opposite side of the room which drew her attention as she gripped the knife tighter. Kaz started talking to Maha then.
He had started one day and had never stopped. She loved it too and often sat captivated as Kaz would tell her about the numbers at the Crow Club, how much he loved Inej, how annoying Uncle Jes could be sometimes when Uncle Wylan wasn’t around to keep him in line and then stories – stories Jordie used to tell him when he was a young boy. Kaz felt like he was overcompensating for his fear of touch with everything else he did. He hadn’t been this expressive since he had been farmer’s boy Kaz Rietveld. But somehow, Maha had a way of keeping Kaz Rietveld present in Kaz Brekker. The boy he’d been and the man he’d become had merged, just for his daughter.
Kaz did that now too. He went to the bookshelf and picked up a book, talking to Maha all the while. She looked up at him almost suspiciously as if she couldn’t believe her father wouldn’t try to steal her hard stolen knife back. Kaz felt his lips quirk at the absurdity of the situation. Maha may not have been born to him and Inej but clearly she was already their daughter with how quickly she’d managed to grab one of Inej’s knives and was now using it against them both in the strangest parlay he had ever had to participate in.
Maha slowly let down her guard as Kaz sat down on the bed with the book he’d grabbed but had no intention to read. He stretched out his leg and put his cane to the side which Maha had clearly learnt were signs meaning he had no intention of getting up again anytime soon.
“Da,” She called out followed by a string of unintelligible words.
Kaz looked at her contemplatively before replying with a random sentence of his own.
Maha replied with even more gibberish then looked around for her mother before realizing the knife in her hand was no longer there. Inej had slipped it away gently while Maha was distracted. The toy knife was left in place as a biscuit of the real one.
Maha wailed the minute she realized she’d been conned by her own parents.
“Mama,” she cried and Inej couldn’t help her laugh as she picked her up and kissed her all over to soothe her. She looked around for any injury but thankfully Maha hadn’t injured herself with the knife or in the process of trying to get to it.
She went and sat down on the bed next to Kaz, hugging her close. Her laughter wouldn’t stop and Kaz had started laughing too. Maha’s tears stopped in confusion at how hard both her parents were laughing and she let out a small giggle too.
“I’m going to miss you so much, my little thief,” Inej sighed when she caught her breath. “Watch out for the weapon’s cabinet, Kaz.” Inej warned him later that night after they had put Maha to bed and Inej had finished packing for her voyage the next morning.
Kaz had huffed out another small chuckle. It was only two weeks but it was hard for them all to part, harder than ever before.
Maha hadn’t realized Inej was leaving until she was gone and after she had, she wouldn’t stop crying. Her cries reminded Kaz of the first few days after he and Inej had adopted her and he had a sickening realization that Maha was perhaps scared Inej had left in the same way her first parents had even if it didn’t occur to her why.
Maha refused to leave his arms for most of the two weeks Inej was gone, screeching if even Wylan or Jesper tried to pick her up. She was terrified Kaz would disappear too which made his work considerably harder but he hardly cared. Dirtyhands would have huffed in annoyance at the number of delays and setbacks but Kaz Brekker – who was more Rietveld than Dirtyhands where his daughter was involved – found little inconvenience in it. Anika had to pick up most of the slack but that is what his lieutenant was for and the Dregs were fiercely loyal to Kaz even after his priorities had to shift a little since adopting Maha.
“I miss your mama too, little one,” Kaz had sighed as he rocked Maha back and forth on a particularly rough night where she wouldn’t go to sleep. Maha only whimpered and kept asking for her, repeating “mama” in her little voice.
Kaz knew it was only two weeks and he was incredibly proud of Inej for having the strength to go when she clearly found it hard to but he found himself hoping Inej wouldn’t leave again for a while, if only to give Maha more time to understand.
The day Inej returned from sea, Maha refused to leave her arms. She had run up to Inej and hugged her legs before looking up to make sure it was really her mother then hugging them again. Inej had picked up her baby as fast as she could, having missed her too but Maha pulled back to make sure it was Inej multiple times before finally settling down. She had refused to let Inej get up even for a shower or food so Inej had stayed put.
“She missed you so much,” Kaz told Inej later that night. Maha was asleep on Inej’s chest, lulled by her mother’s heartbeat. “She wouldn’t leave me the whole time.”
Inej looked sadly down at their precious girl who didn’t deserve the hardship she had already seen in her few years. “She thought you would leave too.”
Inej hugged her closer. She couldn’t not go on certain voyages when she was needed but she could certainly wait until Maha was old enough to understand the idea. It had been something she had been contemplating for a while, ever since she had realized how hard it would be to leave Maha behind.
The Wraith’s secondary ships were doing well on their own and the slave trade was slower than ever. Inej had longed to stay closer to home for longer again. Her heart was an arrow and for now it had begun to point at Maha and Kaz, having currently had it’s fill of the sea. She’d travel again but next time she’d take Maha with her.
Inej sighed later that night as she leaned back against Kaz. She had finally gotten to take a shower and eat something and her weary limbs ached but she felt peace like no other wrapped in her husband’s arms. Kaz was leaning against the wall behind the bed and Inej’s head was tilted to the crook of his neck. They sat in silence for a while, just appreciating the other’s presence and taking the time to breathe.
“I love you,” Kaz whispered. Quiet and meaningful. It held a gratitude he didn’t have words to express but knew she would get anyway.
Thank You for coming home. Thank you for having me without my armor. Thank you for agreeing to a family even though we both lead messed up lives.
Inej turned slightly and kissed him. “I love you too,” She replied gently.
Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for taking off your armor. Thank you for bringing us the opportunity to have a family.
They both watched the steady rise and fall of their baby girl’s chest and gentle puffs of breath as Maha slept peacefully in her cot, relieved she could feel the presence of both of her parents that night.
They were three splintered pieces, each broken to jagged edges in different tempests. Each of their pieces had whittled down over the storms they faced but finally fit together smoother than they had ever been before.