Work Text:
And if you gave me your heart I wouldn't break it (this time)
Sacred Heart didn't care if you were having a bad day or a good day, for the hospital and its occupants it only counted if you were able to do your job.
Today JD wished he could have called in sick, like one does at an 9 to 5 office job where you type numbers into Excel spreadsheets and don't have to worry about people dying if you get distracted by the way your intern is hanging around your male coworker the whole day.
JD snickered quietly into his clipboard, thinking about how desperate he would have reacted to this just a few weeks ago.
*Dr. Cox comes into the room, holding Lonnie by his hand. He shows him around while JD watches from the sidelines crying. As Dr. Cox turns away for a second, JD suddenly jumps forward, his tear streaked face consorted in white-fury and tackles Lonnie to the ground. “He's my mentor!” Lonnie shrieks shrilly and alerts Dr. Cox to his predicament, but it's too late.*
Now, as he walked by Dr. Cox with his arm around Lonnie in a patient's room, obviously showing the young intern how to diagnose a simple disease, JD couldn't even muster up the energy to care.
He'd seen Dr. Cox ask Lonnie about medical procedures all week and saw him openly praising the young man for correct answers on several occasions. Even going as far as declaring him the best intern in front of the whole room.
And just two days ago he had seen both of them at the bar together, drinking beer like old buddies. And while it stung to see one of his interns get the treatment JD had dreamed off as an intern himself, it didn’t hurt anymore to think about Dr. Cox's refusal to show him any kind of affection or care.
And if a few weeks back JD would have thrown a fit at the sight of Dr. Cox openly mentoring someone else, when he forever insisted that he didn't care for being a mentor to JD, now it posed a mild annoyance at best.
What a bit of self-reflection can do for a guy, one might wonder. But the truth was that JD had been mentally distancing himself from Dr. Cox as a mentor figure for some time now, and it had just reached a point where displays like this didn't disturb his carefully crafted 'I don't care' attitude towards Dr. Cox anymore.
JD was just on his way to grab a quick coffee between patients when he saw Dr. Cox standing in the middle of the Doctors lounge, as if waiting for something. As he came closer he could see him wave at someone on the other side and open his arms. Suddenly Lonnie came forward and stepped right into Dr. Cox's open arms. JD unwittingly flinched in anticipation of the ear flick Lonnie would no doubt receive in a second. Instead, he watched frozen in the door frame as Dr. Cox's arms came around Lonnie's smaller shoulders and pressed the other man against his chest, enveloping his entire upper body in a no-doubt bone crushing hug.
JD turned around sharply, almost colliding with the wall. His abrupt change of direction made the soles of his trainers squeak and alerted Dr. Cox and Lonnie to his presence. He imagined them springing apart guilty and watching after his retreating form with crestfallen expressions for a moment.
“Hey, Becca!” a whistle called through the hallway behind JD, but he just squared his shoulders and kept walking. He didn’t care, and if he told that to himself often enough it would become fully true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JD was checking over a patient's chart when Dr. Cox stopped in front of him.
"Say, Clarice, I can't help but notice I haven't seen you around as much these last few weeks."
JD looked down at his clipboard again and shrugged.
"Really? Must have been busy."
"Well I had to make do with Lonnie in your absence, I hope you don't mind, but we bonded quite a bit."
"Good for you."
"I think I am going to start mentoring him officially."
At this JD looked up from his clipboard.
"Good for you, I'm sure Lonnie will profit from it a lot."
Dr. Cox swiped his nose in annoyance.
"What, no whiney monologue about you always wanting to be my pupil and wanting me as a mentor?"
"Guess I don't care about you like that anymore." JD shrugged again. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tell Mr. Mason that he has diabetes."
With that JD pushed away from the counter and left Dr. Cox standing stunned and speechless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A loud banging startled JD awake. At first, he thought his neighbours were going at it again, but after a few seconds he realised that the noises were coming from his front door.
Disgruntled he threw the covers back and slumped to the front door. It couldn't be a hospital emergency since his pager hadn't gone off, and he just hoped it weren't his neighbours again, they tended to drink too much and then confuse their front door with his.
As he unlocked his door he was mentally preparing a strongly worded letter to the couple about nightly visits, so when he opened the door and was faced with Dr. Cox he was too surprised to react.
Before JD could recuperate or even utter a single word, Dr. Cox had already pushed his way into his apartment. With an annoyed sigh JD pushed the door close and followed the other doctor into the living room.
He watched the other walk in circles around the coffee table for a while. The rhythmic thudding of his footsteps almost lulled him onto sleep against the door frame when Dr. Cox suddenly stopped and turned to face JD.
"Newbie, what did you mean you don't care about me any more like that?"
"Dr. Cox it's 3am, what are you even doing here?"
"Answer. The. Damn. Question." Dr. Cox gritted his teeth, withstanding the urge to shout at the younger man.
"I just meant that I am not looking for a mentor in you. It's been 4 years, I'm a doctor, and you have made it abundantly clear that you do not care for that or any position in my life." JD yawned and looked towards his bedroom longingly.
"So you just decided to give up?"
"Dr. Cox, it's late and I have a shift tomorrow, is there anything else?"
"No, no I guess there's not. I'll see you tomorrow Dr. Dorian." without looking back, Dr. Cox left the apartment and closed the door behind himself.
JD was left standing in his hallway utterly confused by what had just happened. He moved to lock the door and leaned his forehead against the door for just a moment, ordering his thoughts. A small voice inside of him screamed at him to open the door again, to run after Dr. Cox and chase him down.
*The rain was hammering down on the pavement, each of JD's footsteps making a loud splashing noise, as he ran down the street after the figure of Dr. Cox. He shouted after him and the older doctor stopped in his tracks. He turned around just as JD came to a halt right in front of him. He tried to open his mouth to talk, but before he could even form a sentence, Dr. Cox had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and they were kissing in the rain*
It took him another few seconds to collect himself, finally turning away from the door while angrily scrubbing at his eyes to get rid of the tears threatening to fall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JD had thought him and Elliot breaking up and seeing each other every day had been awkward, and while it definitely hadn't been fun, it was nothing compared to the pure torture it was working with Dr. Cox now.
With Elliot there had at least been hostility from her side, but Dr. Cox just straight up ignored his existence outside the bare essentials of professionalism.
"Dr. Dorian your patient in bed 203 requested a few additional tests, I wanted to run it by you before doing anything."
"Oh hey Lonnie. Why didn't you ask Dr. Cox?"
"Oh he's not talking to me anymore. Which I'm very okay with, those last two weeks were scary."
JD tried not to show his confusion at what Lonnie had revealed to him and instead just shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, well let me see those tests."
JD studied the requests Lonnie had written down for a moment.
"Yeah that seems reasonable, you go ahead and run the tests if it makes her feel better."
"Thanks Dr. Dorian."
He nodded at the intern and went on to finish his morning round with his patients, checking their vitals, medication and asking a few questions as to their feelings and symptoms.
He saw Dr. Cox in passing a few times, but the older doctor barely acknowledged him, just nodding sharply at him and continuing down whichever path he was on.
JD knocked against the door frame of the room Dr. Cox was currently in, speaking with one of his patients before their surgery.
“Dr. Cox, I have a question about a patient.”
“One moment please Dr. Dorian.” Dr. Cox nodded at him and finished up his rapport, before turning towards him. Which gave JD enough time to get his face back under control, from the pure shock of being addressed as ‘Dr Dorian’ by the other.
He held out the clipboard towards Dr. Cox, who took it without another word and flicked through the pages for a few minutes, studying the notes in the chart and test results that had come back so far.
“Everything seems in order, maybe try asking about any other symptoms that haven’t been mentioned yet.” With that, Dr. Cox gave back the clipboard and turned around, leaving JD standing alone in the hallway, staring after him confused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*knock knock knock knockknock knock*
JD blinked blearily at his alarm clock, noting with disdain that it was just after 2 am. Whoever was trying to batter in his door, better have a great reason for doing so in the middle of the night.
He angrily stomped to his door and swung it open forcefully, wincing as it rebounded from the wall and hit his arm. He almost threw it shut again when he realised that Dr. Cox was standing in front of him again.
"What?" he snapped at the older man.
"What are you looking for?" Dr. Cox's words slurred together and JD narrowed his eyes at the suspicious brown bag in Dr. Cox's hand.
"Are you drunk?"
"You said 'I am not looking for a mentor in you' but that means you are still looking for something from me, right?" In a flash Dr. Cox had his hands on JD's shoulders, his eyes looking crazy and JD could clearly smell booze on his breath.
"I am not having this conversation with you drunk," he pushed his arms away and watched as Dr. Cox swayed in place for a few moments before taking pity on him and tugging him inside his flat.
"You can sleep on my couch, but no puking, okay?"
JD waited until the older man nodded, before he steered him towards the couch. He moved to get the bucket from his bathroom, but Dr. Cox grabbed his hand and stared at him.
"You! You just had to go with your doe-eyes and your big mouth and go yap-yap yapping about your hopes and dreams to me of all people. And believe me, I tried to tune you out. Hell you know I did everything I could to get rid of you, but you kept coming back for more like some damaged hostage victim." Dr. Cox started rambling, trailing off in-between sentences a few times.
"Wow great analogy, please tell me more about my mental state." JD muttered, but Dr. Cox either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him.
"And then I did my very best to crush your incessantly happy girl spirit, but you just kept on caring and going the extra mile all the time and caring about every damn thing and person so damn much and even caring about me."
"Well someone has to." JD mumbled under his breath, but just like before Dr. Cox showed no signs of acknowledgement for his interruption.
"And you just go on giving so damn much, and I just didn't know how to handle it. But it turns out I can handle it even less when you aren't doing all these things."
"Okay, Dr. Cox I'm going to stop you there. I don't think you wanna tell me all this." JD pushed him down on the sofa and moved to finally get a bucket from his bathroom.
"But I do! That's the thing I do! God help me but I really do." He heard Perry shouting from the living room.
"Look Dr. Cox, whatever it is that made you turn up at my apartment drunk in the middle of the night, and by god I hope you didn't drive, it can wait until tomorrow."
JD carried the bucket and placed it next to Perry's head. He waited for a few seconds for a response but upon seeing his colleagues closed eyes and even breathing he sighed.
"And he's asleep, great."
He pulled a blanket from the back of the couch and put it over the sleeping man. Then he made sure that he was in a safe position, since he wasn't sure how drunk exactly the other man was, and then went back to his own room to fall back asleep.
The next thing he noticed was the sun shining in his face and his alarm clock beeping incessantly.
He fumbled for the button to turn it off and dragged himself out of bed.
As he left his room the events from the last day came rushing back, and he risked a look towards the couch.
To his surprise, there was no trace of Dr. Cox in his apartment and even the bucket wasn't standing in front of the couch anymore.
The only proof that Dr. Cox had ever been in his apartment was the brown bagged bottle he could see in his trash bin and the faint smell of the other man's aftershave in the air.
"Should've figured he'd run as soon as he realises what he did." JD shook his head and scoffed at the thought of Dr. Cox actually opening up.
*Dr. Cox is standing in a mechanics shop. He takes off his shirt and a mechanic comes and opens up his torso. There are a lot of wires and plugs behind the flesh plate.
"So what seems to be the problem?" The mechanic asks.
"I seem to have developed...feelings" Dr. Cox-Robot spits out, his mechanical voice clearly disgusted. Suddenly a red light starts flashing.
ALERT! FEELINGS! ALERT!*
"They would probably reset him if that happened." JD mused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JD went into work as usual the next morning, the hospital not caring for any personal troubles he might be having. He did not see Dr. Cox during his whole shift, but somehow he wasn't surprised. He was probably still getting rid of all that scotch in his system.
His day was mostly routine, with a few surgical consults, and he took some time to play a round of toe or finger with Turk during their break.
But still at the end of his shift he felt exhausted.
He got some Pizza on his way home and had just settled in by the TV for a relaxing night, when a knock came from his door.
He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
“I swear if that’s Dr. Cox again I may have an aneurysm.” he muttered while making his way to his front door and unlocking it.
JD sighed as he spotted Dr. Cox standing in his door frame yet again.
"Is you turning up at my door drunk going to become a habit?”
"I'm not drunk JD."
JD was stunned momentarily after hearing his real name from Dr. Cox. Stunned enough for the older man to shoulder past him and into his flat without being intercepted.
JD sighed and closed the door. He went into the kitchen to grab a beer for Dr. Cox as well but a sharp whistle stopped him in his tracks.
He turned around, abandoning his quest for alcohol and braced himself for the inevitable rant coming his way instead. Because why else would Dr. Cox turn up at his door sober?
Instead of crossed arms and piercing eyes, ready for a rant, JD was met with the sight of Dr. Cox yet again walking circles into his carpet.
"So this gonna be a nightly occurrence or...?"
"Gosh Newbie don't make this harder for me than it has to be."
"Well you are the one treating my flat like a hotel!" JD tried not to shout, but his annoyance shone through in his voice.
"Look, I'm sorry for last night. That was out of line."
"Yeah it was."
"You suddenly shutting me out like this, made me realise a few things. And I didn't know how to deal with that. But I think I figured it out now and..."
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"I mean that whatever this is, I don't wanna hear it. I have taken a lot of crap from you for the last 4 years and the second I stop hanging onto your every word like gospel you suddenly decide to take an interest in me as a human? And you 'think' you may have figured something out? No. "
“Newbie, I'm trying to have a moment here."
"Well, have it somewhere else." JD's voice left no doubt as to his seriousness. He shoved Dr. Cox and the older doctor was so stunned by the sudden display of dominance from JD that he let himself be pushed out of the apartment.
"Newbie wait, let me just explain." Dr. Cox made one last attempt and tried to put his foot forward against the door, but JD reacted faster and slammed the door shut in front of him.
"Forget it. I don't want to hear it!" He shouted at the door. There was banging from the other side for a moment but as JD made no attempt to react it eventually ceased.
As JD got ready for bed, assuming that Dr. Cox had gone home, on the other side of his door, Dr. Cox was sitting with his back against it, his head in his hands, fighting against the tears that tried to spill from his eyes out of frustration and self-hate.
When JD went to check a few hours later about possible damage to his front door from the recent assault, Dr. Cox was gone. But there was a note taped to his door. JD ripped it off and took it inside. He debated just throwing the note away, but eventually his curiosity won out.
'Let me prove it to you JD'
was scrawled inside and even if JD hadn't spent 4 years reading Dr. Cox's handwriting he would have known who left the note.
*Suddenly his whole flat was dimly lit and sensual music started playing from somewhere. His front door swung open and Dr. Cox stood in it, wearing a suit and holding a dozen red roses. He moved into the flat fluidly and fell onto one knee in front of JD, presenting the roses to him.
“I am sorry I have been such an ass. It took losing you to realise that you are all I ever wanted.” Dream-Cox said kneeling on JD’s carpet and looking up at him earnestly. *
"Right, as if. Get it together, Dorian." JD mumbled. He absentmindedly pinned the note down on his note board and then went into his bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~
On Monday, when JD came into work Perry was already there, but more than that, Perry was holding two cups of coffee and as soon as JD had entered the hospital one of the cups was thrust into his hand.
"Uhm, thanks Dr. Cox."
"Ah, don't mention it."
Later that same day a muffin suddenly appeared next to JD as he was writing his report on a patient and as he looked up from the screen, he could have sworn he saw Dr. Cox's head vanish down the hallway.
~~~~~~~
"Laverne, can you do me a favour and write out the medication orders for all my patients please?"
"Dr. Cox already did that Dr. Dorian."
JD did a double take at the stack of papers Laverne indicated at the counter. He double-checked a few of the papers and indeed it were his orders neatly filled out and ready to be filed.
"When did he do that?" JD wondered aloud and just earned a disbelieving glance from the nurse.
~~~~~~~~~~~
JD glanced at his pager, which had been going off for the last ten minutes, each time showing the same message, to meet Dr. Cox in some room. The room numbers changed occasionally, so JD knew it wasn’t an emergency. He finished up his examination of Ms. Flinch before finally taking out his beeping pager again and checking the current room number.
He took a deep breath before jogging down the hallway to meet Dr. Cox in the requested room.
“You paged me?”
“Ah, thanks for joining us, it took you long enough.”
“I do have other patients, Dr. Cox.”
Dr. Cox didn’t argue back, only handed JD a clipboard.
“Take a look at this, would ya?” JD nodded and studied the sheets for a few moments before looking up and thrusting the clipboard forcefully back at a startled Dr. Cox.
“Is this a joke?”
“Why would I joke about this?”
“Dr. Cox the results are unmistakably clear. Are you trying to insult me again?”
Without waiting for an answer, JD stormed off.
“Well that sure backfired.”
“Ah, shut up Mrs. Wilson.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey Scooter. Uhm Dr. Dorian.” the Janitor passed by JD and nodded at him. Instinctively JD ducked away from the mop to his head that was sure to come, but the Janitor just walked by him without acknowledging him any further.
JD stood rooted to the spot, confused by the interaction.
“That was weird, why would he ignore me?” JD mumbled confused.
“It’s because I told him to back off.” Dr. Cox suddenly came up behind JD grinning.
"What now you think I can't fight my own battles, after laughing at my misery for the last years? Yeah, we get it. I'm a girl, I need rescuing blah blah.”
"I just thought it'd help you." Dr. Cox’s face fell, but JD ignored it.
“Why would you do that?
“Because I care about you.”
“Yeah right…” JD rolled his eyes and, without giving Dr. Cox another chance to reply, just left the room, completely missing the dejected look on the other's face.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey Newbie.”
“Good morning Dr. Cox.”
“I noticed that your pen was running low…”
“What…?” JD looked up to see Dr. Cox holding out a pen towards him.
“Uhm thanks Dr. Cox.” JD carefully took the pen and inspected it.
“It has unicorns on it.” Dr. Cox blurted out.
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“I thought you might like it.”
“I do, thanks to Dr. Cox.”
JD turned away, but couldn’t suppress the small smile on his face, as he watched the small plastic unicorn swirl around in the see-through pen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Is this seat taken?” JD looked up from his lunch to be faced with Dr. Cox standing next to his table, motioning towards the clearly empty seat opposite of him.
“No?” Dr. Cox smiled at him again and sat down. JD mentally went through a list of possible psychopharmacologic drugs Dr. Cox may have taken but none of them came with side effects of turning an asshole into a pleasant, functioning human being suddenly, so he abandoned this train of thought again.
“So how is Mr. Mason doing? I heard he came back?”
JD did a double take at Dr. Cox tray, making sure there was no booze in sight before sighing and deciding to just roll with it.
“He’s doing okay, turns out it wasn’t just diabetes but also his thyroid acting up, but the test results showed such similar results that the lab didn’t catch it.”
“I’m sure he’s glad to be in such capable hands then.”
Too stunned to answer, JD just nodded and focused back on his lunch. He listened to Dr. Cox talk about his day and some sports game on TV for the next few minutes and then excused himself, citing the end of his lunch. If Dr. Cox noticed that he still had half an hour left, he didn’t let on about it.
If asked about it, JD wouldn’t have been able to tell what he ate during lunch or how he got back to his patients room from the cafeteria.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey JD, this is for you.” Dr Cox thrust a small paper bag towards JD, who was leaning outside the hospital at the railing.
“Why?”
“Just take it, would ya?”
JD took a step forward, taking the paper bag from Dr. Cox's hand and peered inside suspiciously. When nothing sprung out at him, he carefully took out the small plastic case inside the bag.
“It’s a Phantom of the Opera CD?”
“What amazing deduction skills you have going on there, no wonder you make such a good doctor.”
“You know I can't tell if that was a compliment or an insult.” JD mussed while staring at the CD still held between his fingers.
“Yes.” Dr. Cox snapped and then turned around, walking into the hospital.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The weird interactions with Dr. Cox did not stop throughout the rest of the week, whatever JD did, Dr. Cox seemed to magically turn up and have a tip for him or some encouraging words.
At one point he turned up at a patient's bed with lunch after JD had spent hours trying to figure out what was wrong with them. And while JD braced himself for a lecture about caring too much and to better spend his time with people that he could actually help, Dr. Cox just dropped off the food, gave him a thumbs up and left again, without even trying to interfere with JD’s diagnostic process.
A few hours later, when JD had finally figured out the problem and sent his patient to get surgery, Dr. Cox came up behind him, patted his shoulder and told him that he had done well.
JD almost called him out on it, but thought better of it last minute. Whatever had happened to Dr. Cox, he preferred this version to the bitter sarcastic one he had to put up with for a long time.
Even if he found himself missing some of the sarcastic remarks and rants, the banter that he had thought they had established at some point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a knock on his door and JD was slowly starting to seriously resent that sound. He rolled his eyes, annoyed at being interrupted on his day off during a shower. He quickly threw on a towel and made his way to the door.
"Hold your horses, I'm coming." He called as the incessant knocking kept going.
He opened the door and was faced with Perry Cox.
His first instinct was to throw the door closed again, but after their interactions during the last week he just rolled his eyes.
Dr. Cox didn't meet his eyes as he raised his eyebrows questioningly at him and that was when JD noticed that the other was staring at his exposed torso.
He coughed and Dr. Cox's eyes shot up to meet his amused smile.
"Here I uhm...got this for you." A single flower was clutched in the hand Dr. Cox had extended towards JD. It reminded JD of an awkward schoolboy trying to impress their crush, but he ignored the fantasy for the time being.
"Uhm thanks, I'll just... He waved awkwardly around towards his naked torso and upon seeing the flush on Dr. Cox's face, quickly fled from the room to get dressed.
When he came back, Dr. Cox had entered his apartment fully and closed the door, but was still standing awkwardly by the door.
JD put the flower in a jar with water and then turned around to face the other again.
"So what are you doing here?"
"I... I thought we could continue our conversation. From last week you know…" JD had never thought he would ever see Perry Cox actually stumbling over his words or being nervous. And as much as he hated having to interrupt him, he knew it made no sense to let him flounder around any longer.
"Perry, I’m glad therapy has helped you be able to become less of an Android and feel human emotions. But every time I wanted to open up to you, you just shit on everything that remotely resembles emotional vulnerability. So why do you suddenly want to open up to me?" JD turned around to stomp away but Dr. Cox grabbed his arm. JD tried to pull away but upon seeing the pleading look in the others eyes he stopped struggling.
"Just listen to me, please?"
JD nodded, surprised by how small Dr. Cox's voice sounded all of a sudden. Dr. Cox let go of his arm and took a careful step back.
"JD, I know I have given you no reason to believe me, but I really do care about you. Yes, you reminded me of myself as a young doctor, but it's not just that. You have such a big heart and underneath all that ridiculous hair you've got the brain to back it up. Even if it pains me to admit it, you do have a sense of humour that's adorable and cheesy. You are a great person, and you make me want to be a better person in turn. And that scared me for a long time. But then you started to pull away, and I realize how ridiculous this may sound, coming from me, but I found myself missing our interactions. And I realised that I missed you."
"So what, now suddenly you want to be friends with me?" JD couldn't believe his ears.
"Newbie god help me, I'd be thrilled to be friends with you. But in addition — and I know this may seem coming out of nowhere, I assure you it is not, — but if you find yourself interested in being more than friends, I'd like to try that as well if you want to."
"Oh." he looked up dumbstruck at the other man.
"Yeah that was my exact thought."
"I'd have to think about that." JD admitted quietly.
"That's okay Newbie, it's a lot to take in at once." Perry nodded, but it seemed like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders nevertheless.
"I… I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah, I'd like that." Perry moved towards the door, but before leaving the apartment he turned around and smiled at JD and JD couldn't help but smile back at him.
They were going to be okay.
The end