Chapter Text
Did the light leave or did the dark come?
I was driving between either one
Nothing in mind but getting to you
When a man ran out before I could move
Morning crept into the bedroom after another sleepless night for Bucky, memories of his past clawing at the inside of his brain. Zemo slept soundly, draped over his chest and entirely unaware of the horrors that were running through his husband’s mind.
Bucky hadn’t been honest, despite his desire to make amends and become a changed man after years of having his psyche pulled one way or another to benefit a master. His hands would forever be stained with blood and a part of him really thought he could just allow all of it to fade into a distant memory.
Almost every night, the bed feels too soft underneath him, Zemo’s skin feels too hot against his and his thoughts weigh heavier than he can carry. He’d tried to tell Zemo who he’d been before they met, but he was plagued with fear. Fear he would be seen differently, as dangerous, as something that Zemo should run away from. Bucky wasn’t sure that was a loss he would be able to live with.
My babe, I don’t want you to know
That I can’t ride with this alone
My babe, I don’t want you to know
But I can’t ride with this alone
“You’re up early,” Zemo suddenly muttered before turning his head upwards to kiss at the edge of Bucky’s sharp jawline. “Bad dreams again?” Bucky leaned forward and gently returned the kiss against Zemo’s forehead before sinking back into the pillow and just nodded. Nightmares were a word for what was going on with him.
Zemo smiled before lying his head back against Bucky’s chest and squeeze his arm around the man’s waist. Ever since the destruction of Sokovia, this was the only place Zemo truly felt safe. He felt like there was a little bubble around them that would allow no harm to ever reach them. He wondered if Bucky felt the same. He knew something deeply troubled his husband, but he also knew that if Bucky wanted him to know about it, he’d tell him in his own good time. He’d learned early on in their relationship that prying didn’t work so he had to learn to leave things be.
A couple weeks later a paper spoke out
Caught the attention of the eyes of all around
Man with no name found off '31
Somebody long lost, finally found
“I need to tell you something,” Bucky muttered, and this caught Zemo’s attention but he remained draped over the man's chest.
“Hmm?” he replied.
My babe, I don’t want you to know
That I can’t ride with this alone
My babe, I don’t want you to know
But I can’t ride with this alone
“Remember how I told you that… um… that I was special forces and… couldn’t talk about it?” Bucky asked, his throat suddenly feeling dry.
“Of course,” Zemo said. This really had his attention now. He sat up in bed and crossed his legs as he prepared himself for whatever was about to come out. His eyes drifted to the artificial appendage and then back to Bucky’s face. There was a look, one that Zemo very rarely saw. His eyes were glassy, his brow was furrowed and his chin occasionally quivered as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Bucky took a deep breath and it trembled.
“I was an assassin for HYDRA,” he finally managed. Bucky couldn’t bring himself to look at Zemo, afraid there would be fear or disgust on his face. He clenched the sheets with one hand as he prepared for the worst. Aggressive tears fell out of his eyes despite his best efforts to keep them locked away. “I didn’t… I didn’t do it willingly if that makes it any better. I’ve done some really awful shit. I…” His voice was breaking as Zemo leaned forward and placed both of his hands on Bucky’s cheeks before closing the space between their lips.
You know that I
Am always on your side
You know that I
Am always on your side
Zemo lingered for a long time before finally pulling away, stray tears falling out of his own eyes. The new information was admittedly scary but that wasn’t Bucky anymore. That wasn’t the man Zemo had fallen deep, deeply in love with. Everyone had secrets, filthy pasts and battered souls.
“That doesn’t matter anymore,” Zemo said as he sunk back down beside Bucky and wrapped his arm around his ribs again, this time squeezing so hard as if he was making sure the man couldn’t run away from him. “That isn’t who you are anymore. The Bucky I married, is a good man.”
Bucky finally forced himself to look at Zemo, who smiled at him. The man’s reaction to the information only caused more tears to stream out of his eyes in relief.
“I wish you had told me sooner.” Bucky nodded in agreement as he reached up to wipe some of his tears away. He wished he had told him sooner too but perhaps this was the perfect time. The weight on his shoulders felt lighter than it had in years.
My babe, I don’t want you to know
That I can’t ride with this alone
My babe, I don’t want you to know
But I can’t ride with this alone