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In the past three hours of so-called ‘getting it together’, Mingyu has only come to one conclusion: Wonwoo does a damn good job at making himself look small for someone who’s six feet tall.
When you are an equally as tall Kim Mingyu laying on a bed and staring at the ceiling with that exact Jeon Wonwoo (because, maybe there's more than one, who knows,) sitting a room across from you and reading a book in one of your sweaters, one that’s been stretched and pulled from the gain of muscles and shrunk back to size in accidentally too-hot wash cycles, he really can’t help but remember the day that he asked Wonwoo why his hoodies and sweaters were always going missing and Wonwoo had told him that it was because they smelled like his cologne and he was too lazy to buy a bottle for himself. He may have died a little that day.
Mingyu thinks it feels like a hug. He has absolutely no idea why, but the same warm feeling in his stomach that makes him smile and his heart go ballistic for a second, is the one he’s feeling now, staring into Wonwoo’s fluffy blue chest. He has a sudden urge to reach out and feel Wonwoo’s heartbeat. He wants to put his head on his chest and let himself drift into Wonwoo’s headspace and read with him, glare at a wall angrily when a character says something stupid with him. He wants to be with him.
Being with him, is something that he has technically already accomplished. Sadly though, Mingyu has accidentally friend zoned himself with false flirts and what was passed as ‘playful’ confessions and laughed off with red ears and a hand on the back of his neck.
Mingyu wants to listen to what Wonwoo is listening to on the other side of the room. He could easily pull out his phone and check Spotify, so unregretfully, he does, and seems Wonwoo is a bit moody today as his playlist flickers through Coldplay and Ed Sheeran to something a bit more whimsical. La La Land. They watched that movie together the week after it came out. Wonwoo bought him cookie dough bites at the movie theater and claimed that they were his halfway into the movie before Mingyu got to finish them. That was a good night.
And then, Mingyu realizes he was drifting off, drops his phone on his face, and ends up clicking the play button in a scramble to pick it back up. Shit.
“Stalker.” Wonwoo says lightheartedly and Mingyu can lightly register him leaning down to take the singular headphone out of his own ear. Mingyu chuckles lightly and lets out an awkward ‘ha’ from where he is on the bed and lets his eyes close like he didn’t just get caught stalking his crush like a middle school girl. “Could’ve just asked you know. I would've let you come sit by me and listen with my other headphone.”
Mingyu starts to ramble, “I figured you were using both,” because he’s been caught and this boy is halfway back into his heart and he hasn’t even recovered from the blush trip across his nose and cheeks yet when he says, “I didn’t want to intrude. I know you don’t get a lot of free time to read and stuff.”
Wonwoo chuckles. “Sure I do. Come, sit.'' Mingyu sits up from where he was laid out on the bed and opens his eyes again, running a hand through his hair, regretting the fact he didn't bring a hoodie with him so he could cover the now atrociously frizzy brown birds nest on top of his head, straightens it out, and only then stands up to move across the room and plop against the wall by Wonwoo.
“Take this,” Wonwoo sticks an earbud into Mingyu's ear, the one closest to himself, and the other in his own ear and decides to balance the phone horizontally against where his and Mingyu’s thighs press up against each other. “Just because I’m reading doesn’t mean I don't want company.”
Then he sets his head on Mingyu’s shoulder. Mingyu thinks Wonwoo will be the end of him. He thinks Wonwoo might be the end of all things, honestly. Everything is ruined because one day, when Mingyu decided he needed to think about possible suitors and let his mind wander the locked away file of ‘the things you’ve seen but choose to ignore,’ and saw all the little ways Wonwoo lives. He lives through his sight when he pushes his glasses up on his nose so he can see the movie better, because he actually chose to be able to look at something more than muddled greens and reds. He lives through the way he reads, when Mingyu looks at him and sees how far away he is and how purely happy he is to be somewhere different from their tiny hometown. He lives through the way he thinks and understands.
Mingyu lives through the way his heart shows it’s beats when he looks at the reflection of the windows in Wonwoo’s eyes. He lives through the blur of his own eyes when he looks at Wonwoo and thinks for too long.
And Mingyu thinks, right now, he is living. Even though he doesn’t have Wonwoo, he’s living a beautiful life wishing to. He decides what he has is beautiful, and he doesn’t really want to let it go.
“Gyu?” Wonwoo waves a hand in front of his face. He opens his eyes wide and flattens his lips. He whips his head to the side to look at where Wonwoo was signaling. “Damn, I didn’t know that John Legend affected you that much,” Wonwoo reaches out to his face and Mingyu doesn't stop the confusion that shoves it’s way through his eyes when Wonwoo's thumb presses against his lash line and when he closes his eyes on instinct he feels like his heart is about to burn up. And he feels the need to yawn, maybe for an excuse for the tears or just to get them out, but still he fights it. “It’s cool dude. We all have our moments.” He loves that Wonwoo senses the anxiety and that he chooses to try and make it better. He loves that Wonwoo knows how to shut off the whispers in his mind. Wonwoo knows how to share his life. Mingyu knows that he’ll take all he can get.
“So,” Wonwoo doesn’t move his hand when Mingyu opens his eyes and speaks. “What’s that book about?”
And maybe, Mingyu doesn’t have to let go just yet.