Work Text:
the drive home was dead quiet and honestly sawyer was anxious driving home after the events that occurred just a few days ago. her hands clenched the steering wheel until her knuckles where white, every once and a while she would glance at emily through the rear view mirror. she was glad that emily and riley were in the back of the car and too distracted to notice. emily was staring blankly out the window, mr scratch clearly did a number on her and brought back old thoughts from when doyle had kidnapped her and nearly killed her. riley was holding emily's hand, hoping to provide her some comfort. sawyer drove slower than usual and with extreme caution, not wanting to scare emily.
as soon as she pulled into the driveway she got out of the car and opened the car door on emily's side, bringing emily out of her thoughts. "I'm okay sawyer," emily said, seeing the concern in her face. sawyer didn't believe that for a second, she knew emily better than anyone, she was going to compartmentalise as much as she could, put on a brave face for the world so the team wouldn't worry. the pair were very similar in that way, sawyer knew how bottling up emotions ends and it wasn't pretty. as soon as the three entered the house, riley gave emily a hug, "i'm going to go upstairs, i figured you two could use some alone time, you're going to be okay em," she said before walking upstairs to her room.
emily immediately retreated to the couch and wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the floor. she raised her hand to her mouth subconsciously, nibbling on her already bitten down nails. sawyer sat next to her calmly and reached for her hand, gently squeezing it, emily looked over at her, it was then sawyer could see the tears pooling in emily's eyes. sawyer immediately wrapped her arms around her, for a moment emily tensed up before collapsing in her embrace, wrapping her arms around the younger agent. the sobs that came from emily were gut wrenching, sawyer hated seeing the woman she loved in this much pain and wanted to take all of her pain away. she brushed her fingers through emily's hair and gently rocked her back and forth while softly singing to her. after ten minutes, emily's sobs had turned into sniffles but neither one pulled away from the other.
"h-he tortured me, the hallucinations, the drugs it was torture, even though it wasn't real i felt every second of it," she started to talk, sawyer nodded, wanting her to continue to talk, she knew how much she hated being vulnerable. "he tried to trick me into giving hotch and jack's location, i couldn't do that to them. he got into my head, at times i wasn't sure if i was strong enough and then i thought of you and the team, i repeated wheels up to myself, it reminded me that you were coming and you wouldn't give up until you found me. i got out of his sick mind game when he put me on the brink of death," she continued. just like doyle, he put her on the brink of death just like doyle. sawyer felt sick, she honestly wished he had taken her instead. it was like no matter what they did, doyle would always be there to haunt them even though he was long gone. "i can still feel everything both of them did to me," emily stated, not just referring to what scratch did. "i don't even know what is real anymore," emily's breathing started to quicken and tears started to fall from her face. it was then when sawyer pulled away from her embrace to make emily look at her.
"hey baby, look at me, i am right here, i am real," she reassured her, wiping emily's tears away with her thumb whilst putting the tips of her fingers on her lower neck so she could feel her pulse. "feel that? that's my heartbeat, the warmth of my body, i am real and so are you and i am not going anywhere ever, i promise you, this isn't going to be easy but i am going to be here every step of the way. i came so close to losing you and the thought of losing you kills me more than anything else so looks like you are stuck with me for life sweetie," sawyer said, continuing to brush her fingers through emily's hair.
"thank you, i love you," emily said softly, sinking back into sawyer's warm embrace.
"always," sawyer responded as they lay back on the couch, emily's head rested on sawyer's chest, the sound of sawyer's heartbeat calming her, letting her know that this was real. after ten minutes of being held, emily fell asleep but sawyer refused to fall asleep, not wanting emily to be alone if she were to wake up with a nightmare. tears silently fell down sawyer's face as she thought about how close she was to losing the love of her life yet again, that would have been the fourth time she lost her. she was grateful that she was back home with her but she knew there was going to be a long road to recovery and she was determined to be there for her every step of the way.