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Today has been a day.
It didn’t start out that way. Kaeya woke up, had a refreshing breakfast, and got to work early, giving him time to settle down and enjoy some warm tea.
Life then did a one-eighty when Klee stumbled in, covered in dust and soot and asked Kaeya for help. Kaeya had readily agreed, not only because Klee had him wrapped around her finger but also because when Klee needs ‘help,’ it’s because chaos has been caused.
Normally, it’s pretty easy to fix Klee’s chaos. They just get someone in to do some repairs and call it a day. Not when it’s a records room though. Not when it’s countless information on Knights and civilians alike that’s been destroyed by a clueless ten year old. No, then they have to work double time to replace it all.
Kaeya had taken a deep breath upon seeing the destruction, and sent Klee to Albedo. Then he got Lisa, and they got to work. Hours upon hours of going through what was left and replacing what they could. He’s sure they still lost some information, potentially critical evidence too, but they’ve done their best for now.
And they’ll be back at it tomorrow.
Kaeya groans and lets his head hit the bar in the Angel’s Share. It’s past midnight and his entire body is sore and tired, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t spend at least an hour reminding Diluc why he hates Kaeya so much. That’s what little brothers are for, after all.
“Say, Diluc, how have your adventures with Aether been recently?” Kaeya swirls his drink nonchalantly. “I heard you fought an oceanid.”
Diluc, sporting many bruises he didn’t have yesterday, meets Kaeya’s eye with a dead stare. “It was fine.”
“Oh, yes, I can tell,” Kaeya continues. “Bennett’s still in the hospital and Fischl’s eyepatch is on the right side because her left eye is too swollen to see out of.”
Diluc only grunts in response. Usually it’s much easier to get a rise out of him, but they must both be tired. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.
The door bangs open loudly enough to draw the attention of the few patrons left at this hour and Kaeya smiles at the sight of Childe. If anyone can cause Diluc to turn red with rage and kick everyone out, it’s a Fatui Harbinger. This should be good.
“Hey, Kaeya,” Childe waves pleasantly as he takes a seat at the counter. “And Diluc! How’s it been?”
Diluc’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly, and he begins polishing an already clean glass. “What are you doing in Mondstadt?”
“You didn’t show up this week!” Childe says. “Aether brought Hu Tao instead. She really handed it to me, but it just wasn’t the same.”
“You…” Diluc stops. “You came all the way to Mondstadt just because I didn’t show up?”
Oh?
“Well, yeah, I was really looking forward to it,” Childe continues. “Aether said you had work to do in Mondstadt though so I figured I’d just come over myself!”
“Oh, yes,” Diluc says. “We’re coming into season so I need to hire people to pick the grapes, I won’t be in Liyue for a while.”
“Damn,” Childe mutters. “Oh, well. I’ll just stay here!”
Diluc drops the glass and it clangs against the counter. He quickly reaches for it, but Childe does as well and they smack their hands together, sending it flying off the counter and smashing on the ground. Diluc, red with something Kaeya isn’t so sure is rage, puts his arms back at his sides.
“I need to go get a broom.”
“Wait, first,” Childe grabs Diluc’s arm as he turns around. “We gotta have a fight sometime soon, to make up for the one we missed.”
“I-yes, okay,” Diluc yanks his arm away to pull at his fingers as he looks away from Childe. “Someone might step on the glass…”
“Ah, right, I’ll get out of your way then,” Childe smiles up at Diluc. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Childe leaves then and Diluc’s shoulder slump as he lets out a sigh. Kaeya, meanwhile, is sitting up completely straight, smiling wider than he has in his entire life.
“Diluc.”
“What do you want?” Diluc fixes him with the usual glare.
“You have a crush~”
If the absolute mess from before hadn’t keyed Kaeya in, the way Diluc’s face goes completely red would have sealed the deal. “I do not-”
“You like him~”
“Shut your-”
“You wanna kiss him~”
Diluc dives across the counter to physically attack Kaeya, who yelps as he falls off his seat in an attempt to dodge away. Despite the assault, Kaeya is not at all deterred.
“You wanna make sweet, sweet love to him~”
“Shut up!” Diluc manages to get a hand over Kaeya’s mouth and he immediately sinks his teeth into the skin, making him let go.
“You wanna-” Kaeya is interrupted when Diluc puts him in a chokehold and he can barely even breathe, let alone continue to torment his brother.
“I can and will snap your neck,” Diluc whispers in his ear. “Don’t fucking try me.”
“Do it, pussy,” Kaeya wheezes.
“Um… Master Diluc,” one of the patrons approaches hesitantly. “Can I get a refill…?”
Diluc, seemingly remembering he’s in a public space, lets Kaeya go. He drops to the ground and eagerly takes in breaths of cold, delicious air. He feels like that was a bit of an overreaction to some light teasing.
Well, as light as Kaeya is capable of giving.
“Tavern is closed,” Diluc says. “Get out.”
“Customer service at it’s finest…” Kaeya picks himself up off the floor and reclaims his seat at the bar as the rest of the patrons hurriedly take their leave.
“That means you too,” Diluc rounds the counter as Kaeya ignores him.
“Well, I can’t leave now,” he says. “We need a game plan.”
Diluc narrows his eyes. “A what.”
“To get you your boyfriend,” he clarifies. “Childe is an interesting choice but I’m not one to judge-”
“Out,” Diluc repeats. “Or I’ll remove you myself.”
“Look, that conversation hurt to watch,” Kaeya picks up the glass Diluc knocked over when he attacked him and pushes it over for a refill. “We may not be on good terms, but you have no hope without my help.”
“There is nothing I need your help with,” Diluc continues to lie directly to his face. “So leave.”
“Do you want to die sad and alone, Diluc?” Kaeya asks. “Or will you swallow down that idiotic pride and accept my help?”
“Even if I did… like a Fatui Harbinger,” Diluc struggles to even get the words out. “Who says I would want to do anything about it?”
“Me, I say. And either you accept my help, or I go about this in my own way, completely unsupervised.”
Diluc’s eyes widen in horror and Kaeya knows he’s got him. They both know from experience that an unsupervised Kaeya is bound to end in disaster. Usually for Diluc.
He refills Kaeya’s glass. “You’re a nightmare.”
“I’m a gift,” Kaeya takes a sip. “Now sit down, we have a lot to go over.”
-
Kaeya has never worked so hard in his life. The rest of that paperwork was set to take another two days but he sped through it all, Lisa and a few other helpers struggling to keep up, and then graciously accepted the rest of the day off. He has a much more important task to get to after all.
“Alright, give me that jacket,” Kaeya tugs on Diluc’s sleeve and immediately gets punched in the arm. “Hey, I’m trying to help you.”
“And I have stated many times that I don’t want you here,” Diluc crosses his arms, but Kaeya continues to pull on his sleeves. “Fuck off.”
“The sooner you cooperate, the sooner we can all go home,” Kaeya pats him on the shoulder. “So I suggest you comply, dear brother.”
“I’m not giving you my coat,” Kaeya tugs particularly harshly and Diluc nearly trips over. “Hey!”
Being off balance, Kaeya is easily able to pull the sleeve off and then twist the rest away from him. Diluc makes a grab for his jacket and Kaeya quickly puts it underneath him to cushion his seat. It’s much more comfortable, and Diluc’s arms are much more on display.
“There you go,” Kaeya fiddles with the sleeve of Diluc’s shirt so his wrists are more visible. “Show off those biceps. I already know you won’t unbutton your shirt.”
“Well, I’m not a common whore like you.”
“At least I’m not a sad virgin.”
Diluc has no retort, so he settles for a glare. “I wear the coat for a reason, Kaeya. It’s fireproof. I’m going to need that if I’m fighting Childe.”
“Alternatively,” Kaeya couldn’t care less. “Go sleeveless. He’ll be too distracted to fight properly and you won’t set yourself on fire unless you try really hard. Remember, you only want to be hot in a metaphorical way.”
“Give me back my coat,” Diluc tries to drag it out from under Kaeya, but makes no progress. “Now.”
“Orders have never worked on me before, I don’t see why you think they would now,” Kaeya watches on amused as Diluc continues struggling. “Maybe just give up. You have a fight to win, you know.”
Kaeya continues to smile pleasantly as Diluc stares at him in astounded rage. They both know who’s going to win this argument, but Diluc has never been good at accepting failure. Still, he’s not getting his coat back no matter what he does.
“Fine,” Diluc gives in. “Get out, I’m locking the tavern behind me.”
“Of course,” Kaeya says. “I’m coming to your fight after all.”
“No, you aren’t,” Diluc stops dead in his tracks. “Absolutely not.”
“Afraid I’ll witness you fail to flirt?” Kaeya teases. “Don’t worry, I got good at dealing with second hand embarrassment after growing up with you.”
“How many times do I have to tell you it’s not like that?” Diluc groans. “We’re barely even friends. He’s a Fatui Harbinger. I only tolerate him for Aether’s sake.”
“Diluc, he accidentally touched your hand and you turned into the protagonist of a heterosexual romance novel about a touch starved maiden with a dowry just burning a hole in her pocket,” Kaeya says. “I may only have one eye, but it’s pretty good at it’s job.”
“That is not how it went.”
“Oh?” Kaeya rests his chin in his hand. “Do enlighten me then.”
“I was just… annoyed. Because of the glass. Those cost money, you know.”
“Mhm.”
“And Childe just generally annoys me.”
“Mhm.”
Diluc’s always been a bad liar but this is just sad. Kaeya tried giving him tips when they were kids because he was incapable of lying to their father and Kaeya was sick of getting in trouble because of it, but it obviously hasn’t helped.
“I don’t like him,” Diluc maintains the terrible lie. “I don’t.”
“Right,” Kaeya nods. “Anyway, you’re going to be late for your date.”
“I swear to the fucking Seven-”
“Better get going before I decide I need to do your hair as well,” Kaeya says. “Maybe some gel to-”
Kaeya is silenced by Diluc slamming his fist on the counter. “I’m leaving now and you’re not coming.”
Diluc makes it out the door in record time, leaving Kaeya alone in the tavern. With a quick glance around to check for any potential staff, he reaches over the counter and grabs the first bottle his hand finds. While it’s true that he’s gotten used to Diluc’s special brand of secondhand embarrassment, he’s still going to need alcohol for this.
And he’ll consider it Diluc’s fee for Kaeya’s expertise on the subject of romance.
Upon trying to open the door however, Kaeya realises that Diluc was not lying when he said he was locking the place up behind him. Why does the man have to be so difficult ? But if he thinks a locked door will stop Kaeya, then Diluc is even dumber than he thought.
Kaeya has his own key to the tavern lying somewhere at home. It’s useless now, but he can easily recreate it with his vision. It takes almost no effort at all to get the door open and he starts making his way after Diluc.
This might be for the best. Diluc not knowing Kaeya’s there could give him more confidence. And the day is less likely to end with Diluc ‘accidentally’ sending his elemental burst in Kaeya’s direction. This method probably won’t result in Kaeya’s fiery death.
Diluc is a cautious person, but Kaeya’s always been quick and stealthy. Following Diluc out of Mondstadt is embarrassingly easy. He’ll have to give Diluc pointers on that too, it seems. Once they reach the Whispering Woods, Kaeya notices signs of a fight that’s already happened and decides to take up residence in the nearest tree.
Perfect timing too, because he spots his second-to-last favourite redhead in the distance.
“Hello~” Childe bounds up to Diluc, bleeding from multiple cuts in various places. “Lot’s of hilichurls around here. They’re good for warming up!”
“You can thank the Knights of Favonius for that,” Diluc says. “Since they’re always wasting their time on frivolous exercises in futility."
Hm… maybe Diluc has noticed Kaeya is following him. Or, more likely, he just can’t miss an opportunity to insult the Knights of Favonius.
“I did see some Abyss Mages too, so I took them out,” Childe shrugs nonchalantly. “No big deal.”
It’s pretty obvious to Kaeya that Childe is just trying to impress Diluc. Unfortunately, his brother is an idiot.
“You’re fighting Abyss Mages on your own?” Diluc frowns. “Don’t be stupid. What if they brought in a hydro one?”
“I’d simply wait for the heroic Master Diluc to come save me,” Childe swoons dramatically into his chest. “Please, carry me to safety in those big strong arms for I am weak in the knees just at the sight of you.”
“If you keep talking, I will hit you,” Diluc gently pushes Childe off of him.
“That’s what we came here for, isn’t it?” Childe laughs, but his eyes are still focused on Diluc’s arms. Kaeya can’t wait to mention that little fact to Diluc and bask in the fact that he was right. As always. “I am still a little sore from fighting Aether though so go easy on me?”
“Never,” Diluc’s claymore is out and swinging immediately and Kaeya settles in to watch the fight go down.
Kaeya’s seen Diluc fight countless times before. They’ve fought together too, both as allies and as enemies. But he’s never seen Diluc fight like this. His usual style of violence is relentless, never slowing down as he strips at his opponents defenses. But this is slower, more casual, and almost… playful.
It’s fun, Kaeya realises. They’re having fun. Trying to kill each other.
Ah, young love.
It’s not that exciting, really. Kaeya sees people fight all the time, for all kinds of reasons. Whether it be for fun, to the death, or in pursuit of a higher goal. Like the last bottle of dandelion wine at the Angel’s Share… turns out Venti has some bite in that tiny body.
Childe lands a hit on Diluc with his hydro blades but soon stops dead in his tracks and Diluc ends up smacking him directly in the chest with the side of his claymore, sending him flying into a nearby tree. Kaeya cringes in sympathy, having experienced this exact situation many times in his youth. Diluc has never and will never pull his punches.
“Childe?” Diluc drops the claymore as he rushes to help the other up. “What the fuck was that?”
“Nothing, nothing at all,” Childe graciously accepts Diluc’s hand up and then bounces in place. “I’m full of adrenaline. Let’s go. Come on. Sword up.”
Diluc jabs Childe in the stomach and he folds in on himself, falling to the ground in a disgruntled heap. “That’s what I thought.”
“Ugh…” Childe groans as he struggles to sit up. “All my insides… mush…”
“You probably have a few broken ribs,” Diluc tells him. “That’s what happens when you decide to just stand there and take a claymore to the midsection.”
“Hey, now, you weren’t really playing fair with that,” Childe gestures vaguely at Diluc who frowns as he looks down at himself. Noticing Diluc’s cluelessness, Childe decides to clarify, “white shirt plus water equals…”
It takes a few moments, but Diluc goes rigid when he realises. “Oh, my god,” Diluc’s voice raises several pitches higher as he quickly turns away from Childe and puts his head in his hands. “I’m gonna wring his fucking neck the next time I see him, that little-”
Kaeya feels no need to hide his smirk as he takes another sip of his drink. Whatever violence Diluc decides to enact as revenge will absolutely be worth it.
“I’m happy to help in any murderous pursuits you have,” Childe laughs. “But if you could help me to a healer first…”
“Yes, of course,” Diluc helps Childe up and gets his arm over his shoulder. “I’m… going into Mondstadt. Like this.”
“We can wait for your shirt to dry first if you like,” Childe offers. “I don’t mind!”
Kaeya’s sure he doesn’t. He hasn’t stopped staring this entire time.
“No, you need a healer,” Diluc shakes his head. “I’m fine. And the sooner I can kill Kaeya, the better.”
-
“You.”
Kaeya is seated at the bar, one leg over the other, enjoying a glass of wine when Diluc busts open the door and fixes him with an accusatory glare.
“Me?”
Diluc makes it to the counter in two long strides and snatches his coat, quickly throwing it on before returning to glaring at Kaeya. “You are an evil, conniving little-”
“That’s a weird way to say thank you,” Kaeya hums.
“-bitch and if I ever see you again, I will personally-”
“Remove my head, blah blah, castration and suffocation,” Kaeya shrugs. “You need to get more creative, Diluc. There are so many murder methods out there, but you always stick to the same five.”
Diluc’s eye twitches as he claims one of the seats, takes Kaeya’s glass, and downs the whole thing in one go. Ah… maybe Kaeya has overstepped. “I can never speak to him again.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Kaeya twists so he can kick his legs up onto Diluc’s lap. “He enjoyed the show.”
“I can never speak to Barbara again either,” Diluc continues. “Or half of Mondstadt. Why do so many people live here? Why do bad things happen to me?”
Diluc hasn’t even pushed Kaeya off of him yet… yeah, maybe this was a bad idea. He actually feels kinda bad now. “Alright, what’s the problem?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe that I just walked through Mondstadt showing off more than you,” Diluc’s head hits the counter. “My only option is to leave the city.”
Kaeya sighs. “I’ll walk around shirtless tomorrow so they all forget about you. And I’ll talk to your simps and make sure no one took photos.”
“I don’t have simps, Kaeya.”
“Wow, you’re just gonna invalidate Donna’s entire life like that?” Kaeya shakes his head. “Rude. She worked hard for that title.”
Diluc finally comes to his senses and shoves Kaeya’s legs off of him. “You’re the bane of my existence.”
“Thanks, I try,” Kaeya refills his wineglass himself since Diluc so rudely stole the rest of it. After Kaeya stole it from him. Details, details. “Well, tell me how your little date went.”
Diluc scoffs. “I’m sure you were there. Do you honestly think I believed you would have just sat here for the past couple of hours?”
“I was trying to preserve your dignity,” Kaeya says. “But if we’re dropping the pretenses… buddy, he’s so into you.”
“I swear to-”
“No, really,” Kaeya cuts him off. “Oh, Diluc, carry me to safety… haha just kidding… unless? ”
“People joke,” Diluc says. “They do that.”
“Also trying to impress you with Abyss Mage murder, not that you had the brain cells to pick up on that,” Kaeya continues. “And he was very pleased with the little shirt thing, despite the resulting injuries.”
“Unfortunately, I couldn’t care less,” Diluc claims. “Because I have no interest in him.”
Why does Diluc have to be so difficult? Those two could already be a happy, murderous couple if it weren’t for Diluc’s emotional incompetency.
… Maybe Kaeya’s working this from the wrong angle.
“Alright, alright,” Kaeya takes a long drink from his glass as he stands up. “I’ll leave you in peace then.”
Diluc narrows his eyes, not at all believing Kaeya would give up that easily. “What are you planning?”
Kaeya offers nothing but a vague smile and a two fingered salute as he takes his leave.
-
It’s bright and early in the morning when Kaeya arrives at the Goth Grand Hotel, looking for a certain Fatui Harbinger. Having already secured permission from Jean to acquire outside help for an expedition in Dadaupa Gorge, Kaeya has coincidentally decided Childe is the best person for the job.
Hydro and cryo go well together, after all. It has absolutely nothing to do with Diluc.
After a brief conversation with the receptionist, Kaeya is told to wait as they contact Childe. He’s definitely still healing, but Kaeya knows he won’t ever miss a chance to commit acts of violence. Besides, it’ll just be a few hilichurls and Kaeya will keep an eye on him throughout the trip.
“Hey, Childe,” Kaeya greets once his target is in sight. “Was wondering if you might join me on a trip through Dadaupa Gorge. We don’t often have hydro users available, so I figured I should take the opportunity while it’s here.”
Childe’s eyes brighten at the promise of a fight. “When are we leaving?”
And so, they find themselves fighting off hordes of hilichurls as Kaeya gathers any resources he can find that might be useful. It doesn’t leave much room for talking, but Kaeya is a very talented multi-tasker.
“How have you been enjoying Mondstadt?” Kaeya begins with casual small talk.
“I haven’t been here long, but it’s nice!” Childe says. “I’m planning on doing more exploring soon.”
“You should invite Diluc to come along with you,” Kaeya suggests. “He probably needs to get out more.”
Childe sighs deeply as he looks up at the sky. “‘Come to Dadaupa Gorge,’ he says. ‘There won’t be any ulterior motives to set you up with my brother.’”
“To be fair, I didn’t say that last part,” Kaeya smiles innocently. “And it looks like you could use the help.”
“Oh, yeah,” Childe takes a seat on a nearby fallen tree trunk and Kaeya knows he’s in for a long talk. “How long did it take you to figure out I like him?”
“About three seconds, give or take,” Kaeya shrugs.
“I’ve known Diluc for months and he still doesn’t know,” Childe seethes. “I thought maybe if I was just really obvious, he’d finally notice, but nope. Literally everyone else has caught on, but not Diluc. I’m ready to fucking-”
“Okay, let’s take a moment to calm down,” Kaeya interrupts. “You now have someone that knows Diluc better than he knows himself. I’ve got this.”
“Do you, Kaeya?” Childe falls back against the tree. “I asked if I could kiss him and he thought I was talking about some Fontaine greeting custom.”
“Sadly, that doesn’t surprise me,” Kaeya thinks for a moment. “But the problem isn’t you, it’s just that Diluc’s an idiot. I might have an idea though…”
Chidle sits straight up. “I’m listening.”
“Well, Diluc’s still in denial that he even likes you himself, and I think that extends to your advances,” Kaeya explains. “So, we just need to help Diluc gain self awareness, and we should be good to go.”
A task much easier said than done.
“You think he likes me?” Childe doesn’t even acknowledge Kaeya’s words, instead tapping his feet giddily. That’s fine, Kaeya’s happy to do all the heavy lifting here.
“Some other things first, however,” Kaeya sits down next to Childe and puts an arm around his shoulder, just tight enough to be vaguely uncomfortable. “I’m not going to threaten you not to hurt my brother because Diluc can easily burn you to a crisp, but make no mistake, I’ll be the one hiding your body.”
“For two people who hate each other, you sure are protective,” Childe mutters.
“It’s quite simple,” Kaeya says. “No one’s allowed to kill Diluc but me and vice versa.”
Well, it’s not that simple, but it’s easier to think of it that way. Diluc can claim Kaeya’s not his brother all day, but the instincts are still there. And Kaeya’s not letting him forget it.
“But, I really do need to get more materials,” Kaeya stands and offers a hand to Childe. “Up for more murder?”
“You fucking know it.”
And so, Kaeya gets on with this damn expedition. He does still have to do his job, even if he has a much more important task to get to. Jean probably won’t agree with him on that front. In fact, she’d tell him to stop meddling. Which is exactly why she doesn’t know.
The rest of the trip goes mostly fine. Childe is easily able to keep up but Kaeya still makes sure to be cautious of his wounds. It might have been smarter to get help from someone else, but he makes it back to Mondstadt with only one minor head injury. That’s pretty good in his opinion.
“You sure you’re okay?” Childe lightly pokes at Kaeya’s temple. “Looks bad.”
While it really doesn’t hurt that bad, Kaeya still doesn’t appreciate the wound being poked. He smacks Childe’s hand away and makes sure his hair covers the worst of it. “Believe me, I’ve had worse.”
“You were thrown pretty far,” Childe continues. “I’ve never seen someone fly like that.”
“Yes, Childe, we were all there,” Kaeya sighs. “… Do not mention this to Diluc.”
“What, that a mitachurl turned you into a human ragdoll?”
“Do you want me to tell Diluc that you tripped over a whopperflower?”
“Eh,” Childe shrugs. “He already knows I’m a dumbass. If I didn’t ruin my chances when I asked him what’s in dandelion wine, I doubt this will.”
Hm… Kaeya needs to talk to Diluc about his taste in men. This isn’t the first idiot his brother has become begrudgingly fond of. He might have a type.
“Right, well, you go hang out with Diluc,” Kaeya pulls a knife out of his belt and starts cutting at his shirt. “I have a promise to fulfill.”
Childe stares at Kaeya for a long moment as he strategically cuts his shirt to show off as much as possible while still making it seem incidental. “You sure you didn’t hit your head that hard, buddy?”
“A plan I had also had some unintended consequences,” Kaeya says. “This is my way of fixing it, believe it or not.”
He thinks he’ll blame some treasure hoarders. Although, he’s not sure how he’ll explain the fact that his shirt was ruined, but he’s not actually bleeding. Unless-
“Okay, I’m gonna stop you there,” Childe takes Kaeya’s knife away when he presses it too closely to his skin. “That’s a no from me.”
Kaeya grabs another knife. “Look, if you want Diluc to ever leave his room again, this is the solution. It’s fine, I just need a light cut to look realistic.”
“That’s-no!” Childe takes that knife too and Kaeya sighs as he pulls another one out of his boot. “Stop that!”
“You can’t confiscate all my knives,” Kaeya flicks a knife out of his sleeve with a smirk.
“Oh, my god,” Childe mutters. “Here, just stand still.”
Childe presses his hand against the side of Kaeya’s head, causing a sudden flash of pain, but he understands what’s happening when he feels the area become wet. Childe washes the dry blood off, leaving a watery red substance that he smears on Kaeya’s abdomen.
“Aww,” Kaeya pats him on the head. “You had a good idea! Great job!”
“Like you can talk,” Childe hands Kaeya back his knives one by one. “You just tried to stab yourself.”
“Hardly,” Kaeya rolls his eye.
"You better see a healer about that too," Childe flicks his head with no regard for his growing headache. "Just because it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it can't be dangerous."
"Yeah, yeah," Kaeya really can't be bothered to do that. It'll go away on it's own eventually anyway. "See you later."
With a small wave to Childe, Kaeya crosses the bridge into Mondstadt and starts acting.
-
“I heard you were injured,” Albedo frowns upon finding Kaeya sitting at his desk, a new, more loose fitting shirt on to hide the fact that he has no bandages or something similar.
“Oh, don’t worry, I was faking it,” Kaeya says. “Long story, don’t ask.”
Albedo stares. “I’m going to ask.”
“Alright, yesterday, I stole Diluc’s jacket so he could look good for his date-not-date with Childe, Childe got his clothes wet, and he had to walk through Mondstadt with a see through shirt, so I one upped him to make people stop talking about it,” Kaeya explains in one breath. “Any other questions?”
“Just one,” Albedo says. “Why.”
Kaeya thinks he explained everything pretty succinctly, but Albedo does often have trouble understanding Kaeya’s motivations. Most people do, actually. “Diluc needed help.”
Albedo sighs softly as he places a bag on Kaeya’s desk. “You’ve been working hard recently, so I figured you found something to fixate on and I wanted to make sure you’re still taking care of yourself.”
“Fair,” Kaeya has done the same for Albedo, because they’re both bad at remembering the simple things when they’re focused. “That lunch?”
“It’s just some soup,” Albedo says. “Enough for multiple days.”
Ah… Albedo doesn’t trust him to remember to eat tomorrow either. Again, fair.
“If there’s lots there then you should join me,” Kaeya leans back casually. “I’d love to hear about that old scroll you found on Dragonspine.”
And just like that, Albedo has taken a seat and started explaining the entire thing. Kaeya doesn’t understand most of it, and his head still hurts a little bit, but he likes listening to Albedo talk. He has a nice voice. And the passion with which he explains his findings can make anything seem interesting, no matter how boring it is on the surface.
“Sucrose is working on transcribing the recipe right now,” Albedo says. “I should probably be helping her…”
“Ah, but then you’d miss out on my lovely company, wouldn’t you?” Kaeya grins, leaning his chin on his hand.
Albedo doesn’t smile, but Kaeya’s gotten used to searching for emotion in people’s eyes. They crinkle in that familiar way they always do when he’s amused by Kaeya’s antics. “Indeed.”
“Kaeya!” Amber bangs open the door, the sudden noise making Kaeya’s head pulse with pain. “Oh, thank god, Albedo’s here too.”
“What’s wrong?” Albedo reacts much quicker than Kaeya, standing at attention within seconds.
Amber cringes. “Klee found the slime concentrate stash.”
“Oh, good,” Kaeya sighs. “I was worried I was going to have a peaceful day today.”
“It’s gets worse…” Amber doesn’t meet their eyes. “She set off a cryo explosion right outside Goth Grand Hotel.”
“Was anyone hurt?” Albedo asks.
“No,” Amber shakes her head. “But it’s… certainly a pricey repair job.”
Not only pricey in terms of mora, but Kaeya’s also going to have to do some peacemaking with the Fatui. It’s days like these that he questions his life choices.
“Well, let’s go survey the damage then,” Kaeya stands up, takes a moment to lament the Gods, and then leaves with his fellow knights in tow.
It doesn’t take long to reach the hotel, and it takes even less time to see the destruction. Albedo only lets out a brief sigh at the sight of smoke, while Amber looks like she wants to cry. Kaeya would understand if she did.
“Hello again,” Childe waves cheerily despite the state of the building. Any further pleasantness is cut short by the less friendly diplomats who just had their accommodations blown up.
Amber and Albedo are both lost on how to deal with angry crowds, so Kaeya takes a step forward and resolves to treat himself to an extra glass of wine tonight. He’ll need it.
“Rest assured that you will all be compensated and new accommodations will be found,” Kaeya says. “The perpetrator has already been detained, and… is now in time out.”
One of the diplomats looks up, confused. “Time out? I could have died!”
“She’s like five years old,” Childe interrupts and Kaeya doesn’t mention that she’s actually twice that. Being afraid of a five year old sounds ridiculous, and would hurt their pride to admit. It just makes things easier.
“I just feel like there should be more repercussions.”
Before Kaeya even has a chance to say anything, Childe does. “Do you want them to jail her for life or something? She’s a kid.”
Kaeya almost forgot that Childe is a Fatui Harbinger. That he’s higher up than every diplomat currently in Mondstadt. That whether or not they actually respect Childe, they have to listen to him.
Huh. He should utilise this connection more often.
With Childe backing him up, it’s not too hard sorting out the diplomats. He directs Albedo and Amber to take them back to Headquarters, where he knows Noelle will assist with anything they need. She’ll calm them down, it’s hard to be angry with Noelle around.
Kaeya’s ready to follow them back when Childe steps up behind him and ruffles his hair. “You did good, those guys can be real annoying.”
He blinks and turns back to face Childe, who doesn’t remove his hand from atop Kaeya’s head. Eventually, Kaeya just steps away to fix his hair. Why does Diluc always pick the weird ones?
“You need to join the others if you want the Knights to find you a new place to stay,” Kaeya says. “Or, I have a better idea.”
Childe tilts his head as a sign for Kaeya to go on.
“Oh no,” Kaeya exaggerates the despair in his voice. “There’s just nowhere we can find for you to stay. If only someone in the city could put you up for a while.”
Childe’s eyes widen. “Diluc!”
For a second, Kaeya thinks Childe has actually caught on to what he’s very obviously suggesting. But then he follows Childe’s gaze to find his brother approaching them. He looks as dead inside as ever, but his hair is just a bit more out of place than usual.
“What happened?” Diluc’s voice is carefully neutral. “Are you-was anyone hurt?”
Kaeya almost laughs. Diluc concerned about the Fatui. No, just Childe, obviously. But outright asking Childe if he’s okay might lead to Diluc fainting due to showing a genuine human emotion other than anger.
Childe shakes his head. “No-”
“Childe got caught in the outskirts of the blast,” Kaeya wraps an arm around the man. “He says he’s fine, but how can we really be sure? Should help him to a healer, just in case.”
“No, really, I’m-”
“So brave and considerate,” Kaeya continues, tightening his grip in a silent plea for Childe to shut up. “And he has nowhere to stay now, with the hotel in such disrepair. Perhaps you could help him find a place to stay. Maybe somewhere you can easily keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t push himself with those injuries.”
“Wow,” Childe turns to whisper to Kaeya. “Klee’s destruction works hard, but Kaeya Alberich works even harder, huh?”
“I-” Diluc is silenced when Kaeya lightly shoves Childe towards him and takes off back to Headquarters.
“Look after him!”
-
Kaeya visits the Dawn Winery the next day under the pretense of making sure their dear Fatui guest is settling in nicely. It’s not entirely a lie. He does want to make sure Childe is doing alright, but mainly he’s there to continue playing matchmaker.
“Master Kaeya!” Adelinde greets him pleasantly at the door. “Come on in.”
He doesn’t often stop by, but Adelinde lets him in no matter what. Diluc has done his best to make sure Kaeya knows he isn’t welcome and Adelinde has done her best to make sure he knows he is. Last time Diluc tried to kick him out, Adelinde slapped him upside the head and he spent the rest of dinner pouting.
“What is he doing here?” Diluc looks up from his desk tucked in the corner of the main room. For once, he doesn’t sound like he wants to kill Kaeya. Probably because Adelinde would tell him off.
“I have partial ownership of this place, Diluc,” Kaeya happily takes a seat across from him. “And I’m Adelinde’s favourite.”
When they were young, Adelinde would have at least tried to tell them they were equals in her eyes. Nowadays, she doesn’t bother, silently leaving the room to prepare warm drinks for the two of them.
“What do you want then?”
“I’m just making sure Childe is in good hands,” Kaeya kicks his feet up onto the desk and he’s sure Diluc would strangle him if Adelinde weren’t in the building. “Where is he, by the way?”
“He spent the morning having a ‘dirt fight’ with the children of the staff,” Diluc pushes Kaeya’s legs off. “So now he’s taking a bath.”
“… A dirt fight?”
“Like a snowball fight, but much stupider,” Diluc smiles ever so slightly, but because Diluc never smiles, he picks up on it easily. “The kids had fun, at least.”
“Good with kids too, hm?” Kaeya grins. “Sounds like the perfect man.”
“Oh, for…”
“Should snatch him up before someone else does.”
“I’m going to kill you.”
“Don’t threaten your brother because you can’t handle the truth,” Adelinde places drinks in front of the two of them. “No milk and four sugars, right?”
“Thank you, Adelinde,” Kaeya uses his manners, and that’s why he’s the favourite. He takes a sip and remembers why Adelinde is the only person he trusts to make a drink that’s actually good. “It’s perfect.”
“Why not just pour a fistfull of sugar into some water?” Diluc mutters. “It would taste the same.”
“Why not just drink a cup of milk?” Kaeya looks at Diluc’s own drink, which is almost white despite the no doubt absurd amount of coffee that’s in there. “It would taste the same.”
Diluc glares at him for a moment longer before returning to the papers he was looking at before. “If that’s all you wanted to know, you can leave now.”
“Oh, but Adelinde prepared me this nice drink,” Kaeya says. “I can’t let it go to waste.”
“Then take the cup,” Diluc doesn’t falter.
Kaeya puts on his best ‘grumpy Diluc’ face. “Those cost money, you know?”
Diluc fingers clutch the edge of the desk, ready to leap over and attack him. Kaeya expects him to, preemptively placing one foot flat on the ground so he can make a quick escape, but Diluc doesn’t move beyond that.
He looks behind him and finds Adelinde glaring.
And then behind Adelinde, Childe comes down the stairs… with just a towel around his waist.
“Oh, hey Kaeya!” Childe waves. “Diluc, do you have any spare clothes? I forgot to ask before the bath and I can’t put mine back on because they’re dirty.”
Diluc makes no indication that he even heard Childe, staring intently at the ground, face slowly reddening. Kaeya picked the perfect time to visit.
“Watcha thinking about, Diluc?” He teases. “Completely family friendly thoughts, I assume.”
“Yes. Spare clothes. Somewhere,” Diluc quickly removes his coat and holds it out, eyes still focused on the ground. “Adelinde, please help him find some clothes.”
“Thanks!” Childe grabs the coat and throws it on. He still spares a moment to ruffle Kaeya’s hair again before walking away with Adelinde, who bears the same amused smile Kaeya has.
Once they disappear back up the stairs, Kaeya returns his attention to Diluc, who has face planted into his desk. “How we doing, buddy?”
“The freckles are everywhere,” he mutters. “Why is he so pretty?”
“Oh?”
Diluc shoots straight up, having realised he just said that out loud to Kaeya. “Shut up. If you say a single fucking word, I will kill you.”
Kaeya sighs. “Just ask him out you fucking idiot.”
“I am capable of thinking someone is pretty without wanting to date them,” Diluc folds his arms. “And I would rather be eaten alive by a cryo slime than date him.”
“He thinks you’re pretty too.”
“Really?” Diluc freezes. “I mean-no, shut up. I don’t care. Shut up.”
Kaeya smugly takes a sip of his drink. “Sounds like you care.”
“Shut up,” Diluc puts his head in his hands and takes a deep breath. Then he looks back at Kaeya, a familiar glare on his face. “I guess I haven’t made this clear enough. Kaeya, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. We are strangers, for all intents and purposes, and I don’t care to change that. All you have is a claim on my property that you won’t make use of anyway, so get the fuck out.”
“Oh, no, you’ve made that pretty clear,” Kaeya says. “The thing is, I don’t care.”
“Master Diluc,” Adelinde has returned, carrying a warning in her voice that Diluc has never heeded. Childe is beside her, clothed this time and still wearing Diluc’s coat.
“What?” Diluc turns his glare on Adelinde. “He doesn’t live here anymore, stop acting like he’s family. He’s a lying, manipulative-”
“Hey,” Childe’s tone is jovial, but his eyes are narrowed. “Don’t fucking talk to him like that.”
“It’s fine, Diluc just gets like that when he’s cranky,” Kaeya doesn’t care, really, but if Childe and Diluc get in a fight, it’ll ruin everything. He plasters a smile on his face and continues to tease him just to show exactly how fine it is. “Do you need your afternoon nap, Master Diluc?”
“Kaeya, stop talking,” Childe sighs. “Your brother’s a bitch but you’re not helping things.”
“Okay,” Diluc stands from his seat. “Since I can’t get any of you people to leave me in peace, I will leave.”
“Has Adelinde finally managed to convince you to take those anger management classes?” Kaeya claps as Diluc walks away, making sure to flip Kaeya the bird as he does. “I’ll see you later~”
Visiting Diluc is often tiring, but Kaeya’s shoulders feel even heavier than usual. He should probably head back home and begin sorting through the Fatui’s complaints about Klee. He regrets promising to help Albedo with that but it’s impossible to say no to either of those two.
“I’ll be off then,” Kaeya finishes the rest of his drink in a few gulps. “See you later.”
Adelinde smiles sadly, as she briefly waves. They both know he won’t visit for a while. Maybe he’ll see her around Mondstadt some time.
“I’ll walk you back,” Childe follows after Kaeya.
“I’m fine on my own,” Kaeya says, but Childe isn’t deterred. “You don’t need to.”
“I’m doing it anyway,” Childe smiles as his hand goes for Kaeya’s hair, but he anticipates and sidesteps him this time.
“Why do you keep doing that?” He leaves the building while Childe pouts at not being able to mess with his hair again. “It’s weird.”
“Just let me brother you!” Childe exclaims. “Mine are so far away, and if I don’t shower someone in affection, I’ll die!”
… Brother?
“Touch Diluc’s hair,” Kaeya shakes of the weird tingly feeling in his chest. “He acts like he hates it, but he loves it, trust me.”
“Oh, I’d love to touch his hair,” Childe sighs dreamily. “It looks so soft. And pretty. I wanna braid it. But I didn’t mean it like that, I like Diluc in a very different way than I like my siblings.”
“I’m not your sibling.”
Childe shrugs. “I’ve arbitrarily decided you are. Aether lets me dote on them, why can’t you?”
“Because I-” Kaeya’s not sure, actually. It just feels weird. This is weird. He’s pretty sure it is at least. Then again, Kaeya’s not exactly… normal. “I’m not your brother.”
“You will be if I marry Diluc,” Childe says. “That’ll probably be a while away though…”
“You’re so fucking weird,” Kaeya gives up trying to understand him and begins walking back to Mondstadt as fast as possible. “You’re lucky Diluc has bad taste.”
“Aww,” Childe puts a hand over his heart. “You’re bullying me too now. We really are brothers.”
“An absolute freak.”
“You’re adorable.”
“Insane.”
-
This is fine. Everything is fine. Better than fine, in fact. It’s good. Better than good, great.
“You look like you’re about to cry,” Albedo interrupts Kaeya’s sad attempt at an internal pep talk. “We can… start again after lunch.”
Kaeya stares forlornly at the mess of ruined paper, soaked due to a nondescript leak in the ceiling that decided to ruin his life last night. This mess of ruined paper is not just any paper, it’s the paper that Kaeya, Lisa, and the equally distraught knights spent two days replacing.
Why do the Gods hate him?
Oh, right. His whole deal.
Kaeya lets out a brief sigh, rubbing his temples in a futile attempt to stop the oncoming headache. “Yeah. Okay. Okay. Sure. Yeah-”
“Let’s take an early lunch,” Albedo gently puts an arm around Kaeya’s waist to lead him away from the scene of the murder of his sanity. “Come on.”
Why did no one check to make sure the room was in good condition before deciding it would be their new records room? Why did Klee have to blow up the original records room in the first place? Why did she have to go for the Goth Grand Hotel next?
Right. The Gods. They hate him.
… And he still has to sort out repairs and payment for new accommodations and now replacing all that paperwork again and-
Albedo moves his hands up to massage Kaeya’s shoulders. He didn’t realise how tense they were before, and does his best to relax all of his muscles.
This is fine. Good. Great.
“Sir Albedo! Klee blew up one of the fishing boats by the docks!”
He’s going to cry.
“Okay,” Albedo doesn’t look much better than Kaeya right now. “I will deal with that. Kaeya, please take a break.”
Kaeya meets his eyes with a miserable stare, and Albedo squeezes his shoulder in solidarity before running off to deal with Klee’s latest exercise in human misery. He’s not going to take a break, because he’ll just end up thinking about all that paperwork and then he might actually cry.
Instead, he is going to replace all of it, find the most secure room in the building, and lock the papers in the strongest safe in Mondstadt.
He’s got this. He’s done it before, he can do it again. Probably faster this time too. Maybe he can finish it today. Yeah, he’ll finish it today, and then go get absolutely fucking wasted and pass out for the rest of the week.
Sounds like a plan.
Kaeya stretches his limbs that will be aching and sore within the hour, and returns to the records room. Looking at the mess, he gets a brief yet incredibly strong urge to throw himself off the highest cliff in Mondstadt, but he ignores it and joins his coworkers in replacing the paperwork.
Again.
He powers through the work, handwriting a bit messy due to the rush, but still legible. If anyone wants to complain, they can do it themselves, and no one wants to join them. Lisa helped out for about five minutes before claiming she had to assist Jean with something. And the other knights look ready to offer themselves up to a bunch of angry pyro slimes rather than continue.
When a messenger walks in, Kaeya barely notices their presence, too focused on getting this hell over and done with. “Sir Kaeya, there’s a visitor here to see you.”
“Is it urgent?”
“It’s Master Diluc.”
Kaeya drops his pen as he looks up at the messenger. “Did he say what he’s here for?”
“No,” they answer. “He’s in your office.”
Kaeya’s back clicks at least four times as he stands. The volunteers look on jealously as he escapes, but he’s not sure talking to Diluc will be much more pleasant than what they’re doing. Besides, he’ll be back soon enough…
When Kaeya makes it to the office, he finds Diluc uncomfortably seated in the chair across from the desk that used to be his. Has he ever been in this room since he left the order?
“What’s up?” Kaeya doesn’t bother using the formal language he would use for other visitors.
“I…” Diluc doesn’t meet his eye. “I’m apologising.”
Kaeya blinks. “Are you dying?”
“What? No.”
“Is someone threatening you?”
“No, I’m-”
“Is it drugs?”
“Can you just fucking listen?” Diluc snaps. “Childe said-”
“Oh, Childe put you up to this,” Kaeya sighs in relief. He was worried this was going to be a whole Thing. “I can just tell him you apologised and you can go home if you want. I have work to do.”
“Kaeya-”
“Really, I don’t mind-”
“You were right!” Diluc blurts.
Kaeya freezes. That’s… not something Diluc says often. Especially not to Kaeya.
“About what?” He relaxes into his seat. This might take a while longer than he expected.
“About… Childe,” Diluc sighs. “And I don’t know what to do.”
“Self awareness,” Kaeya gasps. “You did it. You fucking mad lad, you did it.”
“Just help me,” Diluc groans. “This is hard enough already.”
“Isn’t that how you want him to be?”
“I regret ever thinking you could be helpful-”
“Diluc, you can’t ask me for romance advice and expect me not to make fun of you,” Kaeya says. “I’ll still help though. This is literally everything I’ve wanted for the past week.”
Diluc doesn’t storm out, but he does look absolutely miserable. Maybe Kaeya will take pity just this once and offer help without judgement. Probably not though.
“You’re in luck Diluc, because Childe’s taste is even worse than yours,” Kaeya says. “He likes you too.”
“How do you know?” He doesn’t look convinced.
“Diluc,” Kaeya says. “He literally asked if he could kiss you.”
“I thought that was-”
“Some Fontaine greeting, yes,” Kaeya nods. “Why the fuck would someone from Snezhnaya greet someone from Mondstadt with a Fontaine greeting while in Liyue?”
“Oh my god…” Diluc puts his head in his hands. “He was so obvious…”
“He had to be,” Kaeya responds. “Because you’re a fucking dumbass.”
“I am,” now Diluc seems like he wants to cry.
“There, there,” Kaeya pats him on the shoulder. “He’s stupid too. You’re perfect for each other.”
“What do I do? ”
“Don’t stress,” the request is futile, Diluc is actively losing his mind. “Just ask him out and he’ll say yes immediately. Bring flowers though, or I’ll have to slap you.”
“No. I’m not doing that. I’m simply not. I’m going to hide in a hole until it all goes away,” Diluc decides.
“Diluc-”
“No,” he pulls at his hair. “It wouldn’t work anyway, Kaeya. He’s Fatui, and hating the Fatui is my main personality trait. And I don’t know anything about relationships or-”
“Diluc,” Kaeya grabs his hand. He didn’t think he’d be having to stop Diluc from spiralling into a panic in his office today, but it’s better than paperwork. “You’re overthinking it. You might be an idiot, but you can figure it out.”
“I’m going to ruin it,” Diluc squeezes his hand. “I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Don’t make me have to be nice to you,” Kaeya sighs. “Look, you’re a bitch, but you’re not that bad. You’re a good… okay person beyond all the… that. Just be honest with him, and try not to get all angry and defensive if you fuck up. All you have to do is apologise and move on. If you genuinely care about him, it’ll be easy.”
“No,” Diluc’s gaze falls to Kaeya’s hand, still on top of his own. “It won’t.”
“Don’t be such a baby,” Kaeya rolls his eye. “Seriously, just talk to him. I promise it won’t be that bad.”
Diluc leans back in his seat and takes a deep breath. He takes down his hair and does it up again so it's only it's usual level of messy. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay,” Diluc nods. “I’ve got this. I’m fine.”
“I wish you luck then,” Kaeya says. “And if you don’t have a boyfriend by tomorrow, we will be having words.”
“Right…” Diluc stands up. “Um… thanks.”
“You’re welcome~”
Diluc leaves and Kaeya allows himself a moment of satisfaction at having achieved the seemingly impossible. He thinks he’ll cash in on those free drinks tonight. It might take some convincing, but he’s sure Diluc will cave.
“Sir Kaeya, if you’re done with your meeting,” someone new appears at his door. “There’s still a lot more work to do…”
“On my way,” Kaeya responds pleasantly.
The moment the Knight turns around, Kaeya bangs his head directly into his desk.
-
“Come on,” Kaeya leans forward against the bar. “One more. For your favourite brother.”
“That’s the limit, Kaeya,” Diluc says. “You’re not getting anymore.”
“Please,” Kaeya puts his hands together. “I own half of this place.”
“Then you should understand why there's a drinks limit better than anyone,” Diluc responds. “Go home, Kaeya.”
He groans and lays his head on the counter. Why does it hurt so much? Alcohol is meant to cure everything. It usually feels like it does, at least. “I will stay here until I get my last drink.”
“Do you want me to get the Knights to come carry you home?” Diluc asks. “Or would you prefer to keep some semblance of dignity?”
“Mn,” is the only sound Kaeya makes.
“Knights it is.”
Before Diluc can send someone to Headquarters, Childe enters the tavern, yawning loudly. What’s he doing up at three in the morning?
“Some dandelion wine please,” he hops into the seat next to Kaeya, taking advantage of his inebriated state to ruffle his hair.
“Mn,” Kaeya tries to slap his hand away but only succeeds in painfully banging his wrist on the counter, causing a much more distressed “mn” to slip out.
“He’s been like this for half an hour now,” Diluc places Childe’s drink in front of him. “Can you take him home?”
“Sure, but I also wanted to ask-”
“Yes, I apologised,” Diluc interrupts. “It was an ordeal for the both of us.”
“Liar,” Kaeya mumbles. “You said ‘I’m apologising’ and then proceeded to cry about your crush on-”
“Shut,” Diluc lightly smacks Kaeya on the side of his head before he can finish his sentence.
“Not there,” he whines. “It still hurts. Gimme the hurt less juice.”
Childe frowns and leans over the counter to reach the spot Diluc hit. He pushes Kaeya’s hair out of the way, causing him to groan in pain again, and sighs as his other hand moves to grab his drink. “You didn’t go to a healer.”
“‘M fine.”
“Clearly.”
“What happened?” Diluc is much less gentle searching for the injury. “What the hell did you do this time?”
“We had a problem on our expedition,” Childe kindly does not mention the mitachurl.
“… That was three days ago,” Diluc glares at Kaeya. “Why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“‘M fine,” Kaeya repeats. “It’ll heal eventually. It always does.”
“Childe, can you take him to a doctor instead, please?” Diluc ignores him.
“Why don’t you?” Childe responds. “Since he’s your brother and all.”
“I’m working.”
“Some things are more important.”
The two stare each other down for a little while longer before Diluc relents. “You’re… right,” he sighs. “Come with me?”
“Of course!” Childe’s eyes brighten as Diluc smiles. Kaeya’s glad they’re bonding while he suffers.
Diluc kicks the remaining patrons out as Childe tries to coerce Kaeya into drinking some water, but he remains steadfast in his belief that alcohol is the solution. That’s the way it’s been for the past four years and that’s the way it will continue to be.
“We can head out now,” Diluc turns back to them. “Come on.”
Kaeya stands up and staggers as black spots invade his vision. For a second, he's pretty sure he can power through it, but then the whole world tilts and he feels his knees bang against the ground. He narrowly avoids hitting his head only because Childe grabs him before he can faceplant. “You can usually handle alcohol better than this…”
“Answer,” Diluc kneels next to Kaeya on the ground. “Sleep?”
“I got the necessary six hours to function.”
“Water?”
“There’s water in alcohol.”
“Food?”
“Uh…” Where did he put that soup Albedo gave him?
Diluc sighs softly. “Did you seriously focus so hard on my love life that you forgot basic human needs?”
“It wasn’t just that,” Kaeya mumbles. “There’s so much work to do all the time. My wrist hurts…”
“So you take a day off,” Diluc says. “Gods… who let you be a captain?”
Childe is much less polite about shoving the glass of water in Kaeya’s face than he was before. “Drink. It.”
“Mn,” Kaeya does as told. The cold water feels nice on his throat, but does nothing to alleviate his headache.
“It might be best to keep him here,” Diluc says. “We’ll just get a healer to come here.”
“I’m on the job,” Childe salutes. “Make him eat something, even if you have to force it down his throat~”
“That’s what she said,” Kaeya’s head is pounding but he’s not going to pass up an opportunity like that.
“Even half dead, you continue to be a nuisance,” Diluc puts one arm under Kaeya’s legs, the other moving to his back so he can pick him up. “It’s almost impressive.”
Childe stares as Diluc effortlessly picks up his brother. “You’re… so strong.”
“It’s just,” Diluc turns away so Childe can’t see him blush. “Weight training.”
“Haha, right,” Childe scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I’ll be back soon.”
With no voices to ground him to reality, Kaeya loses focus of what’s happening. He ends up in a soft bed somehow and Diluc brings him a couple of hard boiled eggs that he only eats so he can be left in peace. It works though, and Kaeya manages to drift off a little.
His sleep is interrupted by someone else coming to take a look at his head and doing something that makes it hurt less. Which is weird, because he hasn’t been given any alcohol. How did they do that?
Once the magic person leaves, its quiet again for a little while before he hears Childe cough. “So, like, can you pick me up?”
“Probably,” Diluc responds.
“Can you do it right now?”
“Uh… I guess?”
He hears a lot of shuffling followed by a long moment of silence.
“So strong,” Childe mutters. “Can you do it with one arm?”
“You’re a bit tall for that…”
“But could you?”
“Theoretically, I suppose.”
“Alright, hold on.”
“Hey, don’t-stop moving!”
Kaeya groans at the loud noises and they fall silent. He doesn’t care enough to open his eye though and just tries to go back to sleep.
“You nearly woke him up,” Diluc scolds. “What are you even doing in here?”
“Diluc,” Childe sounds like an excited kid. “One arm. Are you even struggling? Do I weigh nothing to you? Step on me.”
Blissful quiet returns. And then it shatters.
“WHAT.”
There’s a loud thud as Childe hits the floor. “Ow.”
“Shit, are you okay?” Diluc panics. “I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s fine, I probably deserved that,” Childe groans. “You never noticed me attempt to flirt before-”
Kaeya twists and grabs his pillow before launching it as hard as he can at the source of the noise. “You can’t even consider that flirting, you’re just being stupid and annoying and for some reason, it’s working.”
He bunches the blankets over his head and curls into a cocoon. Maybe they’ll shut up now. If not, he’ll just cocoon even more.
“Sorry, Kaeya,” he assumes Childe is the one that wraps himself around Kaeya’s new home in a hug. “Get some sleep. I’ll make pancakes in the morning, if you want!”
“Hell yeah,” he mutters. Childe’s decision to be his brother might be weird, but Kaeya’s not fucking passing on pancakes. “Diluc, you have to marry him, no one else makes me pancakes.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Diluc sputters. “I agree to ask him out and you start badgering me to marry him now?”
“Childe brought it up first,” Kaeya shrugs but he’s not sure they can even see that with how much he’s been consumed by the big, fluffy blanket. “Go ‘way. I’m tired.”
He doesn’t hear anyone leave, but it is quiet. Kaeya allows himself to relax into the bed and his head feels just a little bit better. Peace and quiet. Finally.
“You agreed to what- ”
“You brought up-”
“Away!”
-
This is un-fucking-believable. Literally the moment he had the chance, Diluc went and told on Kaeya to Jean and now he has to take three days off. Three days. They’re going to burn Headquarters down without him.
“Stop moping,” Childe wraps an arm around Kaeya’s shoulder. “Think of it as a lesson! Next time you won’t push yourself so much.”
“You vastly overestimate his intelligence,” Diluc responds. “When Kaeya does something stupid and then something bad happens as a result, he just claims that the Gods hate him.”
“They do,” Kaeya leans into Childe, who looks absolutely giddy at Kaeya finally returning his affection. “Diluc, why do you want me to suffer?”
“My apologies,” Diluc says. “Next time you pass out, I’ll just leave you on the streets.”
“Don’t be mean,” Childe whines. “He’s still recovering.”
“Yeah, Diluc, I’m still recovering,” Kaeya dramatically falls back into the couch. “Your bad vibes are going to make it take even longer.”
“I can probably get Jean to give you a fourth day off,” Diluc replies smugly.
“I hate you.”
Kaeya didn’t expect Diluc to invite him to the Dawn Winery. He claims Childe had insisted on being able to keep an eye on him while Childe claims that it was Diluc’s idea, he just didn’t want to admit it. It doesn’t really matter to Kaeya though because it’s hell nonetheless.
Childe jumps up from the couch to wrap his arms around Diluc who tenses up completely, but relaxes when Childe playfully pokes him in the cheek. Not only does Kaeya have no access to knowledge about what’s going on in Mondstadt, he has to bear witness to Diluc and Childe’s honeymoon phase and they are insufferable. It’s kind of adorable, and he’s gaining so much potential blackmail material, but they’re still incredibly annoying.
“I’m going to make a drink,” Childe says. “Does anyone else want anything?”
“Vodka.”
“Not if you’re making it.”
“No vodka, but you can have some strawberry milk,” Childe breaks Kaeya’s heart so easily. “And don't worry Diluc, I know most Mondstadtians don't put fire-water in their coffee now.”
“… That’s common in Snezhnaya?” Kaeya asks. “We really gotta visit sometime soon.”
“You’re already on my mothers guest list for the holidays,” Childe informs them. “I just need to figure out how to smuggle Diluc into the country…”
“How does she already know?” Diluc blinks. “We only just..."
“I may have jumped the gun just a little,” Childe laughs. “In that I wrote home the day I met you to tell my sister all about it, but it’s fine, it worked out.”
“I’d like to let you know that Diluc did not write to me about meeting you,” Kaeya takes advantage of Childe’s absence to lie flat on the couch. “In fact, he physically attacked me for even suggesting he liked you.”
Childe stops hugging Diluc and instead grabs his shoulders. “You what-”
“He was a real dick about it!” Diluc defends himself. “I didn’t even actually hurt him.”
“Threatened to snap my neck though.”
“Diluc! ”
Kaeya settles in as Childe goes on another rant about why Diluc should be nicer to his brother. Serves him right for telling Jean about everything. And forcing him to witness their disaster gay shenanigans last night. Watching Diluc suffer is good for the soul, Kaeya concludes.
The lecture is interrupted when Adelinde enters the room with Albedo. “A visitor for you, Master Kaeya.”
He looks up to meet Albedo’s eyes, always so expressive while the rest of his face is cold, and sees righteous anger.
“Oh, no.”
“I told you to take a break,” Albedo begins. “Jean informed me that not only did you not do that, you then worked until one in the morning and after that, instead of going home, went and passed out at a tavern.”
“Well-”
“You also continued to work with a head injury that you were never cleared to continue work with, didn’t eat that entire day despite mine and others reminders, and when Jean asked why, you said it was for the sake of romance,” Albedo finishes. “Is there anything I’m missing?”
“He tried to stab himself to make his fake injury look realistic,” Childe helpfully offers. “Forgetting, of course, that that would just be a real injury.”
“Kaeya.”
“Oh, shush, I never claimed to have my life sorted out,” Kaeya shrugs. “And I’m fine now so it’s whatever.”
Albedo glares at him. “I do not want to have to feed you soft foods and give you a bedtime, Kaeya. I’m already raising one child, I don’t need another.”
“I like this one,” Diluc nods to himself.
“Jeez,” Kaeya mutters. “I’ll be more careful, alright? Damn.”
Albedo doesn’t look completely convinced, but relents and holds out an envelope. “I also wanted to deliver this.”
“I’ll go get drinks now,” Childe decides. “Albedo, do you want anything?”
Albedo glances between Childe and Diluc softly shaking his head. “I’m alright, thank you.”
“Okay!” Childe kisses Diluc on the cheek, causing him to grab the edge of the couch to stop from fainting on the spot. “Be back soon~”
“I wish he’d stop doing that,” Diluc mumbles, eyes blown wide.
“No, you don’t,” Kaeya opens up the envelope to find a card and a folded up piece of paper. “What is this?”
“Well wishes from the rest of the knights,” Albedo answers. “And a gift from Klee.”
Kaeya assumes that's the paper so he ignores the card to unfold it immediately. Klee is more important than the rest of those other people will ever be. Once the full picture is visible, Kaeya sees that it’s the most adorable drawing of something resembling a dog saying ‘get well’ and Kaeya will treasure it forever.
“What is that?” Diluc leans over. “… Some kind of donkey?”
“Shut your whore mouth,” Kaeya snaps.
“Klee is a better artist than you’ll ever be,” Albedo glares at Diluc.
“Alright, alright” he raises his hands in surrender. “It’s a very nice… potato with legs?”
Kaeya shoves Diluc off the arm of the couch and picks up the card next. “Go help your boyfriend make drinks. Gods know he needs it.”
Diluc picks himself up off the floor, grumbling about the fact that Kaeya’s allowed to abuse him, but if he hurts Kaeya, Childe and Adelinde will manifest in the room to lecture him. He goes ignored as Kaeya reads the card.
Most people have just signed their names, but others have left little messages. Simple things saying they hope he feels better soon and that they miss him despite having been at Headquarters just yesterday. Kaeya’s signed cards like these before, and he’s only just now realising he’s never gotten one himself. That makes sense, considering no matter how bad an injury he got, he was capable of powering through it.
Unless someone else grew concerned, of course. Like yesterday.
He spots Albedo’s flowy handwriting easily and can’t help but smile at the little flower drawn next to his signature. Albedo is just as adorable as Klee sometimes.
“Thanks, Albedo,” Kaeya slips the card and the drawing back into the envelope for safekeeping. “And tell everyone else thanks as well.”
“Of course,” Albedo nods. “I have to get back, but remember to eat and-”
“Oh, for…” Kaeya rolls his eye. “If I didn’t know any better Albedo, I’d say you were sweet on me.”
Albedo's lips tilt upwards as he cocks his head. “Then I guess you don’t know any better.”
Kaeya freezes, and the only thing that comes out of his mouth is an ineloquent “huh?”
“I’ll see you in a few days, Kaeya,” Albedo squeezes his shoulder before heading out, leaving Kaeya still reeling.
He smiled. At Kaeya. Holy shit.
Kaeya has seen Albedo smile before, but not at him. Klee’s the only one who can make him do that, because she has some kind of mystical power of happiness. But somehow, Kaeya did that. What did he do? How does he do it again?
“Kaeya,” Diluc knocks him out of his reverie. He looks up to meet Diluc's and Childe’s eyes and a sudden feeling of dread encroaches on him as he sees exactly how smug Diluc looks. “You have a crush~”
Ah. The consequences of his actions. They arrive.