Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Felix absolutely loves going to university. He always wanted to make that experience to tell his future grandchildren about his funky university student stories (and really, it is not hard to experience crazy stuff if you live with your three best friends.) He has some modest wishes for his new and “adult” life, for example studying in a cosy library, meeting new people, moving out of his home to learn how to be independent. 

And it is awesome to be independent, to have their own flat with his closest friends and to earn his own money to provide for his essential needings. But. 

But. 

Independency can be a pain in the ass too, especially if the tuition fees are raised. Felix cannot work any more shifts at the bar because there is no way that he can manage working, studying, chores and sleeping. And even if he asked, his boss would tell him to fuck off. 

He appreciates that his friends want to cover his rent until he is financially stable again, but it is hard to accept this offer. He always felt independent when he lived with his parents, so to him growing up means taking care of his own finances. (why is it hard to accept this offer?)

Felix’s family has enough problems already, so he cannot just ask for more money. He has two sisters, who also need financial support. And it is not like Felix has to fear being thrown out of his current residence (that is the privilege of having friends who are more like a family to you). 

Giving up is not an option. He knows that he belongs to a university. It has always been his wish to be employed in the management of gastronomy. Ever since he baked his first brownies for his family he has known that he wants to make people happy with the food. Because food is love. It might be a weird dream to some people but Felix combusts with joy whenever people compliment his food or cherish his ideas for restaurant concepts.

“That's fucking crazy,” Felix groans, holding a letter in his hand, “They just can't raise the tuition fees! That’s hella unfair. Not everyone swims in money.” He is about to crumple the paper in his hands but stops because this would not change anything either. “Maybe I should get a second job.”

“Now that is crazy,” Jisung objects, “You barely make it with all the hours you work at the bar.” 

Felix sighs and frowns. “I know.” 

“I already told you we can help out,” Seungmin says, “we’re not that poor, you know?” 

“ Well… that’s not exactly the case for me,” Jisung counters. He is an art student and makes his income through commissions. It is enough but he surely does not have money aplenty. 

“Nobody asked you,” Hyunjin teases Jisung, who just stares at him deathly.

Felix smiles bitterly. “I appreciate that a lot, guys, but I can’t take your money. I need to solve this another way.” He massages his temples, thinking about other possibilities. It is obviously not the first time that he has tried to figure out a solution, but he still hopes that a miracle might show up with glittery fairy power to make his problems go pop.

“Maybe I should find a different workplace then,” he says, “One that brings me more money than the bar.” He sighs. “But it’s not like I’m qualified for those kinds of jobs.” 

After all, he is just a student and does not have too much experience. Sure, he could work in a café or another restaurant but since he has no degree he can be a waiter at max. And frankly, his job at the bar is the better option in this case.

His friends are brainstorming as well, but finding a realistic way is easier said than done. Besides, Felix does not have a lot of time to pick an option. 

“But what then?” Seungmin asks, “A job that brings you more money is likely more tiring.” He sighs. “So even if you found something, how would you keep that up? It’s not only about meeting the deadlines. You need to make time for yourself as well."

Felix shrugs lightly and looks up to the sky.

This is supposed to be a beautiful day: the sun is shining, the leaves of the trees are dancing with the soft breezes and other students are sitting on the meadow on the campus to enjoy their free time. They are chatting and laughing, having no worries except the next deadline for their assignments. 

Felix would absolutely kill for that kind of privilege. 

“I thought that I could earn a scholarship,” he whispers, nearly embarrassed, “I know that I’m not the best student but I’ve been improving a lot.”

“Yeah, okay, but in order to keep your improvement going you need to study more.” Seungmin does not sound snappy, he is genuinely worried about Felix’s well being. Felix's eyebags have gotten darker and his skin is a lot paler, making his freckles appear stronger. 

Felix buries his face in his hands, “Yeah, you’re right.” 

He needs to figure out another plan but at this point, he is sure that he has gone through every human possibility. 

“How about a sugar daddy?”

Well, not every human possibility.

Seungmin hits the back of Jisung’s head.

“Ouch! Just saying …”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “And I thought that was just one of your dumb jokes.” 

Hyunjin taps his chin. “Actually … that doesn’t sound too dumb. A sugar baby makes a lot more money than your poor bartender job.” 

Flustered, Felix takes a look around the group and then shakes his head. “Is this a competition for having the craziest idea?” he laughs, although his chest feels tight. Silently he prays to God that he would give another sign. Because being a sugar baby surely does not sound like the smartest plan, starting with the fact that Felix has zero experience.

“Come on, it’s not that crazy,” Jisung argues, “we’ve already gone through every other option.” 

Felix frowns, looking nearly desperate. “That’s … just … who would want to pay me? I’m a stressed university student who cries before every exam.” Definitely not very charming. 

Jisung lifts his eyebrow. “Aside from your lovely and gorgeous eye bags, there is nothing that would speak against paying you for a good time.” 

Groaning, Felix slaps his hand against his forehead and hears Hyunjin giggling. 

“Seriously, have you ever looked into the mirror, my guy?” Jisung folds his arms, an accusing expression on his face. “Your face’s cute, you’re athletic, blonde and a great listener. Perfect for some old dudes who are neglected by society.”

“Ouch.” Felix grimaces. “That's so …” He brushes through his hair. “I don’t even know where to look for a …. sugar … daddy.” It’s hard for him to even say it out loud. 

He is definitely not an innocent prude (against any expectations which rise whenever he mentions that he is Catholic), but he surely does not have a lot of knowledge about this whole sugar-baby-service thing. It feels weird to enter that industry without any prior experience.

“There are enough apps and websites! We can look through them together to avoid any scams. Seungmin can take pictures of you to set up a nice profile," Jisung says. 

"Who knows, maybe you could have several sugar daddies.”

Suddenly Felix feels sick and holds his stomach. “Look, I’m desperate, but I don't think I can do this. There are more experienced people out there. No way that I can get more money with this than with my current job.” 

He does not have anything against sugar-baby-related work—not at all. It is just a job, just like his work at the bar, and he respects that. The problem is that he is an absolute disaster;  he cannot even take care of himself, so how is he supposed to please a stranger?

“You don’t have to do any sexual favours tho,” Jisung proceeds, “just  go on some dates with rich people.”

“If it was that easy,” Felix mumbles dryly, “aren’t sugar babies meant to be a nice companion?” 

“You are a nice companion!” Hyunjin says immediately. 

“Yeah, maybe to order pizza and play some games with, but not for dates in fancy restaurants with champagne and expensive food.” Felix shakes his head. “I really don’t think that I’m able to do that.”

“Why? You have the looks, the personality-” Jisung objects. 

“How do you know that?” Felix lifts an eyebrow. He grabs his books to stuff them into his backpack. He knows that Jisung is being serious, and that is exactly why he needs to end this discussion now .

“I need to go or else I’ll be late for work. But thanks for the advice, guys.” 

Felix keeps rewinding the conversation on the way to his workplace. Him as a sugar baby? The thought makes his stomach churn and causes his pulse to shoot up. He has a rough understanding of this kind of service but the mere idea of meeting random people with lots of money does not sit right with him.

It would be practical and maybe even a bit easier to make money like this. But no matter how Felix turns his imagination he cannot quite picture himself as a sugar baby. 

"Don't even think about it," he murmurs, "That's a fucked up idea." 

“What?! Why didn’t you just send an email back?!” Changbin nearly knocks the pile of papers off the table as he glances at his employee. He furrows his brow, leaning over the table while waiting for an answer impatiently. 

The new employee’s name is Mina and since she is inexperienced Changbin should be a bit more lenient. However, he has had two hours of sleep, his parents are driving him crazy and he just had a horrendous date. 

It’s by no means an excuse, but honestly? He does not fucking care.

People suck. Everyone keeps looking at him like he was some sort of poison, but not because of his asshole behaviour (it’s not like he could even be mad at that anyway. ). 

It is because people envy him, although there is nothing to be jealous of. Well, well, how could they be jealous of the heir of a billionaire’s company? Changbin was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and oh yeah, he should be so happy about it. He genuinely hates it whenever others determine that he should feel in a certain way. 

“I-I’m sorry!” Mina stutters, pressing the folder against her chest, “I thought that I could rearrange the customer's order in time but-”

“Yeah, then you should’ve contacted the customer! You know that reviews are key to a business's success, right? I hope that you fucking learnt that in school because that’s literally basic class!”

The office goes quiet as Changbin cannot hold back his anger. He is not even angry at Mina. 

Okay, maybe a little tiny bit.  

But the main focus of his wrath is actually himself. He cannot take his ridiculous life anymore. It is not fair to take it out on his employees and he knows it, but he has a hard time controlling his temper.

He probably would have knocked over the whole table if it was not for Minho, who clears his throat behind his back. “Sir, may we talk in your office? I have some news about a potential deal.”

Changbin snuffles and lifts up his chin to eye Mina sternly. “You’re going to call that customer and apologize for your stupid mistake!”

Mina nods frantically. “Of course, of course! Just please, don’t report it to your da-, I mean Mr Seo, I promise that-”

“Mina,” Changbin interrupts her before turning around, “I get to decide what I do.” He stomps into his office, brushing past Minho, who then closes the door behind them. 

Changbin surrounds his broad, expensive acacia wood table with its endless drawers and falls into the big, cosy leather chair. 

“So?” He lifts his eyebrows. 

Minho straightens up and draws his tie tight. He approaches the table and puts down the folders he has been holding. “I picked the best offers for you to check, although I do recommend the second one the most. It would make the most profit in the long term. But …” He smirks. “You decide. As always.”

“Damn right.” Changbin sighs and grabs one of the folders. 

He remembers that Minho used to be such a shy secretary. Always quiet, obedient but very ambitious and conscientious about his work. Over time they developed a bond similar to friendship. It is a bit difficult for them to label their bond, after all, they do not only work with each other but Minho’s position is also below Changbin’s. 

Regardless, Minho has grown some confidence and does not miss opportunities to make some sneaky comments. Something which Changbin cherishes since it makes him feel more like an actual human being Minho can joke around with. 

“Bad day, huh?” Minho asks although the answer is ridiculously obvious. Instead of wearing a suit, he should perhaps opt for a clown's mask next time, Changbin thinks.

Changbin takes a sip from his coffee (no milk, two sugars—he unnecessarily reminds Minho every single time just to be bossy about it) and browses in the folder. “I knew that it was a fucking bad idea to start dating again,” he grumbles and tries to concentrate on the papers. 

“I mean, it was your free will,” Minho says with a light tone. He sounds so gentle, although he is probably laughing his ass off.

“It was.” Changbin’s shoulders slump down. “Because I think that it’s nice to have a person to be with.”

“Then what’s the problem? There are hundreds of beautiful ladies out there.” Minho sounds bored, but Changbin does not care. 

“They are lifeless shells with tons of makeup on. Only pretty, nothing more.” Changbin grits his teeth. “No matter how I try to hide where I come from, they all find out. They only meet me because of the money. It’s pathetic.” 

Furthermore, it damages his self-confidence. Changbin likes to think that there is something charming about him despite him being on the shorter side. He is buff and strong, ambitious, a hustler and likes to fantasize about romantic nights.

That is nearly unbelievable given that he threatens his employees because of every mistake. He has simply realized that it is easier to keep his distance. It prevents unnecessary pain. 

Minho sits on his table and supports his weight on one hand in order to lean forward. “What do you want me to say? That you’re absolutely handsome and deserve better?” He chuckles.

“No, I don’t pay you for that.”

“You pay me for nothing. Your parents do.”

Changbin furrows his brows. “Ouch.” 

But it is true. Changbin is still not in charge of the whole company. He is responsible for a big part, definitely, and he has the skills to lead hundreds of employees. Nevertheless, there is no doubt that he is not ready to take over completely. 

Besides, his parents are not that old, and especially his father enjoys his well-deserved position.

Changbin loves his parents with all of his heart, he really does. He is grateful for all the opportunities he has received. And it is not that business is the worst thing in the world. 

There is something satisfying about seeing the numbers shooting up, making deals with other influential people and sitting behind his desk with a hilariously high amount of power. 

But he has also worked his arse off for this position. His parents pressure him constantly, maybe not even on purpose. They lead one of the biggest companies in Korea, so of course, they are serious about their company. Years of hard work cannot go to waste just because their son may be rebellious. 

So they are blessed that Changbin is incredibly smart and hardworking.

“Sweetheart, if it upsets you that nobody gives you attention, pay for it. Then it’s clear that it’s about money,” Minho suggests, “I’m sure that you could deal easier with it like that.”

It still baffles Changbin that Minho just switches between “sir” and “sweetheart” so casually, depending on where they are. But he likes how open Minho has become. He could not have any other secretary who is too insecure and whiny. 

“You’re not talking about yourself, are you?” he asks sceptically.

Minho snorts with laughter. “That would be really weird. Finding your secretary hot? Damn. That sounds like a very entertaining, cheesy romance movie.”

But the thing is that Minho is hot, so Changbin does not know what to answer. 

“No, I mean something like a sugar baby. How about a man?” Minho winks. “Since you’re so sick of women. And you surely have the money to treat a pretty boy well, right?” 

Changbin lifts both of his eyebrows. 

He has never considered this possibility. Paying for love and attention? That sounds sad. But that just reflects his current life. It is hard to be well-known and rich. Every date has been torture because he keeps hoping that this might be the one. The one who accepts and loves him for himself. 

It could be for his looks, his personality, everything, just not his damn money. 

But maybe that is just a dream. Because of the path, he has—more or less—chosen, maybe he doesn’t get the chance to fall in love like normal people. Perhaps he should get used to the stigma around the name “Seo Changbin”. 

“You may be right,” Changbin mumbles.

Minho looks back with wide eyes. “Wow, that was a joke but … I mean, no judgement.” He brushes through his light brown hair, still incredulous. “Have you ever done this before?”

Changbin shakes his head and starts working again as if the conversation was not about looking for sugar babies. 

“There’s a first time for everything, right?”

Felix is not a hateful person. He is not good at dealing with strong emotions like jealousy, disgust and wrath. 

But God, he hates his job with all his guts. 

His salary is fine. His co-workers are fine. The customers are fine (at least most of the time).  

But whenever he even catches a glimpse of his boss it makes his skin crawl. He hates how his hands start to shake as soon as he senses the presence of Mr. Choi. 

Mr Choi is just so … bossy. And yes, his position entitles him to criticize or even scold his employees, but it does not justify him being a stinky douchebag.

Felix tried many times to ask for more shifts. It is hard to find a new job as there are enough students who need money and apply for jobs. Consequently, he has no other choice than to beg his boss for more hours. 

But of course, he is neglected. It is cheaper to let multiple people work for shorter shifts since Mr Choi does not need to worry about bureaucracy too much. Honestly, it could count as slavery.

And yes, Felix gets it. People want to save money where they can. But this is no excuse to yell and accuse him of being egoistic. He genuinely does not want to steal any work from his co-workers. But he also does not want to leave university. How can he worry about others’ well being if he is about to sit on the streets? 

Aside from the money issue, he hates how Mr Choi nitpicks whenever he observes Felix’s work. Felix becomes nervous easily—he checks his pulse constantly—so it seems like he is not good at his tasks because his hands get shaky and start moving uncontrollably under Mr Choi's piercing gaze. It is the fear of losing the only support he has right now. And although he feels ashamed about his financial situation, it is hard for him to suppress the tears as soon as he is screamed at. 

Relief blooms in his chest as soon as he throws his uniform into the locker of the employees’ changing rooms. As fast as possible he puts on his clothes and gets on his bicycle to rush home. 

The wind clears his throbbing head, brushing his worries out of his mind. He closes his eyes, imagining that he could just drive away from his problems. 

This short 15 minutes ride is the best part of his day so far. He even extends his arms, pretending to fly, wishing that he could escape like a bird. 

He takes a deep breath and yells, "FUCK IT!"

A window opens and the resident of the regarding house shouts, "SHUT UP!", which causes Felix to tremble on his bike. 

He feels a lot better, nonetheless. It is so damn freeing to not care about other people. 

This is his city. He knows the streets like the back of his hand. So he enjoys the short time where he is the king of the night. 

Sadly the ride has to end at some point. But it is comforting to open the door to his home, step in and catch the smell of delicious dinner. 

Although their flatshare can be chaotic, Felix and his friends follow their schedules for chores strictly. (Partly because Seungmin insists on them without exceptions.) 

Therefore, Felix never has to worry about returning late and not having proper dinner. He prepares breakfast in return (and likes to put some homemade cookies and muffins into the others’ boxes as well) and cleans the flat every weekend with Jisung. 

Their rhythm is effortless, and the work is equally shared. It is always reassuring to have this kind of safe place where things actually work out.

“I’m home!” he shouts and toes off his shoes. He enters the living room and discovers Jisung, who sits on the couch.

Jisung is concentrating on his iPad, seemingly working on another commission. Since he wears headphones he did not hear Felix entering the flat.

Felix throws himself on the couch, causing Jisung to shriek. He laughs and loops his arms around Jisung’s waist. 

“Holy shit, don’t do that ever again!” Still, Jisung returns the hug after having put the tablet aside. “How was work?” he asks and ruffles through Felix’s hair. 

“Shit. As always,” Felix mumbles and pulls Jisung into his lap, “I messed up an order and my boss …”

“He yelled at you.”

Felix buries his face in Jisung’s hoodie to muffle his screams. 

Jisung sighs and pets his head. “You should really leave. This job will tear you apart to bits and pieces."

Felix lifts up his head. “You know that I can’t.” 

A weird expression crawls up onto Jisung’s face. He is clearly about to say something but is interrupted as Seungmin sticks his head out of the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready. Come on, guys.” 

Every time they eat together as a group it is loud. Since they are all close in age it does not matter that much to remain polite while eating. Nobody sees them, so they can act here however they can. 

Within just a span of ten minutes, Felix’s mood becomes a lot lighter, although his worries still annoy him in the backside of his head.

After dinner, Jisung and Felix wash dishes since Hyunjin and Seungmin already cooked dinner. Even doing chores feels peaceful compared to the rest of Felix's day.

Later they all sit together on the small couch to watch TV but end up talking over the film, cracking jokes and basically climbing onto each other because no position is comfortable (they do need a bigger sofa). 

Felix tries to forget about his shitty job and the worryingly high tuition fees, which are about to devour his whole bank account, but he knows that pushing away his problems will not help either. 

“You okay?” Hyunjin asks, worried. 

Felix sighs and shakes his head. “I don't know what to do. I talked to my mother and she said that I …” He swallows. “That I should move back home if I’m not able to pay my bills.”

Instant protest resonates through the room. 

“I don’t want to go either!” he interrupts his friends with raised hands, “I only need to make it through this semester, so I can get a scholarship.” But those few months feel like an eternity. 

Jisung shifts on the sofa and grimaces. “Argh, I just have to tell you!” he blurts and grabs Felix’s shoulders.

Shocked, Felix pulls his head back, staring at Jisung. 

“I … We …” Jisung looks back to Seungmin and Hyunjin. He swallows heavily. “We signed you up for a website to look for a sugar daddy.” 

The upcoming silence is unbearably engaging. Felix could probably hear dust falling on the floor. 

In disbelief he glances at his friends, trying to process what Jisung said. He gasps for air, chokes and puts his fingers against his neck to check his pulse. 

“Holy shit, he's about to faint!” Hyunjin shrieks and grabs a magazine to fan some air into Felix’s direction.

“Don’t be overdramatic,” Seungmin sighs.

Felix leans back and stares at the ceiling. 

“Sorry,” Jisung apologizes quietly, “But you've been so tired and upset the last few weeks … Blame me. It was my idea.”

“Of course it was,” Seungmin says and folds his arms. 

“Hey! You’re part of this as well!” Jisung complains.

“Just because you promised to wash my clothes for the whole next month.” 

Felix holds his head, dizziness munching on his mind. He still cannot comprehend what his friends have done. His brain just refuses to do so. 

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Why did you … and how …”

Jisung shrugs hesitantly. “It was easy to set up your profile.”

In the meantime Seungmin turns on his laptop, probably to show Felix the website. 

“Just some simple steps to fill out the form, uploading some nice pictures and then searching for people …”

“Wait, you guys already found someone?” Felix opens his eyes and frowns, nearly frightened.

“Not only someone. We got multiple requests,” Hyunjin says, nearly sounding proud. But he turns his head away when he realizes that Felix just stares at him without any emotion in his eyes. 

“Oh how fucking great .” Felix takes a pillow and presses his face into it before screaming loudly. He lifts his head. “What pictures did you even use?” He rarely takes selcas, he is mostly seen in group pictures. Horror is engraved on his face.

“You remember the photoshoot we did in summer?” Seungmin asks and places the laptop on the table. 

“Yeah, you wanted to test your new camera,” Felix mumbles, “So you used those, huh?” 

Seungmin turns the laptop to show Felix the screen. 

The logo “Seeking Arrangement” can be seen in the left corner, and Felix wonders how his friends even know about the site. But he is too focused on the worrying number which is attached to the message symbol on the bar at the top.

“Here’s your profile,” Seungmin says, clicking on the icon in the right upper corner.

Felix has to admit: The profile looks beautiful. 

No wonder, after all, Seungmin photographs professionally, and Jisung is an art student with an exceptional sense of aesthetics. 

Seungmin did a photoshoot with Felix last summer. They were at the park, the sun shining offering perfect lighting. On this day Felix wore dungarees and an oversized button up. A bright happy outfit that fit into his surroundings while standing out nonetheless. 

His friends always tell him that he is natural at posing, although he does not take too many pictures. That is why Seungmin asked him to be his model in the first place. 

They did some close-ups, wider shots with Felix sitting at the lake or leaning against a tree, half body pictures in front of the sunset—basically everything to potentially fill up a magazine.

Jisung doodled cute, little elements on the pictures without covering Felix. These details enhance the brightness and joyful mood in every photo, nearly inviting to click on it to zoom in. He probably arranged the photos on the profile as well because they mould smoothly into each other, complimenting the layout of the website. 

Felix's eyes trail over the headline which says “Just a little braver~” and wander down to inspect the box with basic information like body type and height.

He scrolls down further and discovers the tags sugar daddy, active lifestyle, flexible schedule. Then he moves on to the text fields “About Me” and “Seeking”. 

About Me 

I am a university student in the faculty of gastronomy business at the Seoul National University. I love doing sports, studying baking, playing video games of all kinds and having a fun time! 

I am playful but also caring, so we can go outside to have adventures and also spend time cosily at home while I am giving great massages~

“That … is actually kind of what I would write. Except for the part with the massages, that sounds too suggestive! What is that supposed to imply?!” Felix looks over the edge of the screen to level a gaze at Jisung. 

Jisung raises his hands. “Don’t look at me. Hyunjin is the one who wrote the texts. We split the tasks equally.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “I can't believe you,” he mumbles and continues reading.

Seeking

An arrangement which makes both sides happy! 

I like to have somebody who genuinely wants to spend time with me and pays fairly for that. You need a bit of patience to approach me because I am a bit shy. But I am never repulsive or passive-aggressive. I love to have deep, smart conversations, and it would be great if it is clear what you want! 

I take my studies very seriously. So I need someone who understands that I need to take care of my duties as well. 

Sexual intercourse needs to be discussed, but I am open to everything.

Felix sighs and frowns. “I … I’m not open for everything! That’s why I refused to do this in the first place.” He pulls his knees against his chest.

“We’re sorry,” Jisung mumbles, “But it worked! You got so many requests! I told you that people would go crazy over you.”

“Is that supposed to make me happy? I can’t do that! This profile makes me look like someone who knows exactly what they want,” Felix whines, “I’m not the type of person who is portrayed on this website!”

“No, you are! Everything we wrote is honest,” Seungmin interrupts him, “Listen, you can delete that profile. We just wanted to help you. But stop lying to yourself.” He shoves the laptop into Felix’s lap. “This is how we perceive you. You actually act like this kind of person people want to approach. You underestimate yourself.” He taps against the headline of the profile. “This right here? That’s your motto. Maybe you should follow it.”

Astonished, Felix stares at Seungmin, not able to answer anything. Then he looks at his profile again. 

It is frightening to spend time on this website, but it is not like he is disgusted or anything like that. There is nothing condemnable about these kinds of arrangements. 

Solely his insecurity stops him from trying. He does hate his job and wishes desperately to give a fuck about his boss. 

Perhaps he should stop wishing and start looking for something new. He is about to be thrown out of university, so what can he actually lose?

Felix sighs and puts on a forced smile. “Well, maybe … I should take a look first before deleting the profile.”

Hyunjin gasps. “For real now?” 

Felix nods. “I mean, you guys put so much effort into signing me up and searching for connections. I didn’t even thank you for that.” I was just a bitch about it.  

He closes the website, promising that he would take another look later. “Is it okay if I borrow your laptop?”

Seungmin nods, smiling. “Wait, I’ll write down your password.” He takes a piece of paper and scribbles down the information.

Felix’s heart pounds wildly against his chest. He said a few weeks ago that he was not desperate enough to look up sugar baby services. But maybe it was wrong to think of it as solely desperate. 

He has some pride as well, and he does not deserve to be treated like shit in his current job. The imagination that people swoon over him makes his stomach bubble with weird anticipation. It does boost his ego somehow, but it is also a bit terrifying. 

Later in bed, he opens Seungmin’s laptop to take a look at the different requests. 

He shares a room with Jisung, although they still swap from time to time despite their rooms being decorated individually. He likes that their room is so colourful. Jisung’s art utensils are spread on his table and sometimes on the floor. Several prints and canvas hang on the wall, lists for his commissions, sketches and plans for his study schedule decorate his working place. 

Sure, he tends to be messy, but Felix is used to it. Besides, Felix himself makes a lot of chaos in the kitchen as well whenever he tries new recipes, so he cannot really blame somebody for that habit. 

"You aren't angry?" Jisung asks out of a sudden. He is sitting on his bed, phone in his hand. But his gaze is focused on Felix.

Surprised, Felix looks back. Then he shakes his head. "First I kind of was. But I guess that it came from my bad mood. Today isn't a great day," he replies and logs into his Seeking Arrangements account. 

It is weird to be on this website, knowing what he is about to do. The first time he felt like an observer but now he is actually the owner of this account. His responsibility only. 

He takes a few deep breaths and clicks on the speech bubble symbol. He has 25 requests which seem a lot. However, he realizes that he can sort out 60 % of them without even interacting because the descriptions do not fit his categories (and he wonders whether people are really that stupid to read a simple bio).

He spends the first fifteen minutes scrolling through various profiles. It is nearly embarrassing how he examines every little detail before actually responding to the messages. He does not expect an answer immediately but he cannot stop himself from staring at the screen. 

"And?" Jisung asks, curious.

"Waiting for a response," Felix answers. He nearly falls off his bed when he sees another request popping up in the list. Not that there is something dramatic about a new … prospective … customer. He only feels like he was caught while doing something forbidden. 

Stop being so ridiculous.

He exhales, clicks on the profile and freezes. 

"What?" Worried, Jisung places his phone on his bedside table and stands up. He sits down next to Felix and takes a look at the screen. 

"Oh, wow." 

They both stare at the laptop like idiots. 

Felix breaks the silence. "Do you think it’s a troll?" 

Jisung tilts his head. "I don't know. The profile looks pretty neat and professional." He clears his throat. "Looking for someone who is caring, cheerful and happy. I want to have positive vibes on dates and sensual nights." He whispers. "I think that he could be the one." 

"Except that this may be the Seo Changbin who happens to be the heir of one of the biggest companies in all of South Korea," Felix sputters and shudders. 

There is no way that someone as influential, rich and successful would pay someone like Felix to spend time with him. That is a fever dream, it has to be. There is no other way. Never ever would this be a possibility. It is just ridiculous. Nearly amusing. 

"I can see how your brain's overheating," Jisung chuckles, "Just answer. Then you'll find out whether that person's a troll." He shrugs. "But it isn't impossible that this might be the actual Seo Changbin."

Felix shakes his head. "Why would he look for a sugar baby? He is rich and handsome. He could have anyone ."

Jisung wiggles his eyebrows. "You think he's handsome? How come that you know him that well?" 

Felix groans. "I don't know him well. I just read the news. He developed a whole new successful production chain, so he has to be hella smart. That’s mentionable."

"Does that turn you on?"

Felix presses his pillow into Jisung's face. "You're missing the point, Ji. What I want to say is that he doesn't need to scatter around for poor university students. I'm sure that he would go out with anyone without paying anything if he wanted." 

And that is why this cannot be the real, rich, successful, hyper-intelligent, adored Seo Changbin. That is too crazy to happen in any universe. Besides, someone like him has probably better things to do than spending time on fucking Seeking Arrangements. 

"Apparently he wants you." Jisung scans his profile. "It seems legit though. Look at the pictures. Have you ever seen those in articles?" 

Felix takes a closer look. He has to admit that those photos look a lot more … private. They were partly taken with a phone too. The quality is good but there is something more personal about the pictures. 

"I've never seen them," he admits.

"See? Come on, just try it," Jisung encourages him, "You can still back out." 

Felix hesitates. "I'll do it tomorrow."

Jisung raises an eyebrow. "No excuses. Do it now." He puts his hand on Felix's shoulder. "You said you wanted to try. Then try." 

Felix knows that Jisung is right, but that does not stop him from freaking out. He closes his eyes and massages his temples.

"Okay," he mutters eventually, "I'll do it." He takes one more look at Changbin's profile and sees that Changbin viewed his profile around 15 times already. Is that a good sign? 

Felix opens the inbox and looks at the message. 

Hello, 

I saw your profile and think that 

our interests match. Money is no 

problem, I just want to see whether 

you hold up to your standards you 

promote. 

"Shit, I don't even know whether I meet the standards," Felix whines. 

"You do! Now answer him!" Jisung seems a lot more enthusiastic than Felix, but well, somebody has to be the confident one. 

Felix taps his chin before starting to type.

I mean, I kinda want to know whether 

you meet the standards as well, sir

Jisung cackles. "I like that!" 

Felix smiles, satisfied with his witty answer. But he tenses as he sees that Changbin is online and about to respond. 

The room is completely silent as they both stare at the screen. 

At least you have a sense of humour 

So you go by Felix? 

I have a Korean name as well

But Felix feels more natural 

I respect that

What are you doing right now? 

Felix is a bit surprised that the conversation is that light-hearted. He sort of expected it to be more straightforward about an arrangement. But he certainly does not mind the direction they are going. 

I'm sitting on the bed

Nothing special 

What are you wearing? 

"What the hell? He sounds like a pervert," Felix says, "I don't know about this …" 

Jisung hums. "It feels more like an interrogation, but I can't tell what his goal is."

Felix is a trembling mess but he does want to know what maybe-real-rich-Changbin's intentions are. Just responding cannot hurt, right? 

Black shorts and a green shirt 

Send a picture, please 

Jisung snaps. "He wants to see whether the profile pics are fake or not!" he exclaims, "That's clever." 

Felix cannot deny that but he does not like the idea of sending a picture. He does not look very fashionable right now either. 

"That shows that he’s serious about it," Jisung adds, "I guess that’s a good sign."

Felix thinks about possible consequences and cannot find a real bad one. Therefore, he picks his phone to log in Seeking Arrangements there. Then he takes a picture of the upper half of his body.

"Make it a bit more provoking," Jisung suggests, "It cannot hurt to spoil him a bit. He is clearly interested in you, after all." 

Felix sighs and opens the camera again. He leans against the wall and lifts his phone higher to gaze up into the camera. 

His eyes are pretty big already but they even seem glossier from this angle. The light reflects on his freckles and frames his snub nose. He parts his heart-shaped lips a bit and exposes his white teeth, forming a subtle smile. 

He grabs the hem of his shirt with the other hand and pulls it up as if he wanted to show in a stupid, obvious way that his shirt is indeed green. 

He takes a picture and shows it to Jisung.

"You're a natural!" Jisung praises him. 

Amused, Felix shakes his head and sends the photo.

Only twenty seconds later Changbin responses. 

You're breathtaking 

Felix gulps, his grip tightening around his phone. His cheeks become warm and he hides his face behind a pillow. 

Jisung sees the reply on the screen of the laptop. He whistles. "What a gentleman." He leans forward. "Can I type an answer?" 

"As long as it isn't embarrassing …" 

"Come on, Lix. When have I ever been embarrassing?" 

Felix looks at him admonishingly.

Jisung pouts. "Okay, yeah, got it." He types quickly a response and turns the laptop so Felix can see the screen better. He asked for a picture of Changbin. 

One minute later a picture pops up. 

Felix scoots closer to inspect it. 

Muscular arms are reflected in the mirror. The face is only partly hidden, but to be honest Felix cannot stop staring at that massive biceps anyways. Besides, what he does see of the face is enough to identify the person. 

"Holy, he is buff as fuck," Jisung gasps, "Damn, that's hot. Seems like you hit the jackpot." 

Felix bites his lower lip and suppresses the urge to drool at the mirror selfie. 

So businessmen wear tank tops in their free time? 

Only if they want to impress pretty boys

Felix sighs again. "I still don't know …" 

"How do you feel?" Jisung asks. 

"A bit anxious. Like … fuck. Fuck. It's actually him." Felix brushes through his hair. "That's just … crazy." 

"But it's also awesome. He can pay you good money." Jisung wraps his arm around Felix. "Imagine that: You can quit your job if you two settle an arrangement."

That sounds nearly celestial. 

“He has those asshole vibes. Just … lowkey.” Felix is sure that he is not hallucinating or talking himself into that opinion, only to avoid further conversations. His intuition is pretty good, and it tells him that Changbin is weird. 

Although Felix has no idea what kind of “weird”. Changbin does not seem “creepy weird”, “nerdy weird” or “socially weird”. Frankly, Felix is kind of curious to find out what Changbin is precisely like.

They text for a little longer, talking about their interests, current life and working schedules. Only easy topics. It is better like this because Felix is able to check out other requests in the meantime. There are two other accounts that interest him, but he has to admit that his main focus lingers on Changbin. 

In the end, the two of them even exchange their Kakaotalk ID since it is easier to text each other over their phones. Additionally, Changbin seems to be interested in calling him soon too.

“Wow, that was a lot more successful than I expected,” Jisung says, impressed. 

Felix shuts down his laptop and falls back into his pillows. He stares at the ceiling, a bit overwhelmed. “Nothing’s certain though,” he mumbles and closes his eyes, “We’ll see about the outcome.”

The next week is pure horror for Felix. He does not sleep enough, studies in every free minute he has, forgets to eat and works multiple hours at the bar. His friends even took over a few of his chores because he does not have either the strength or the time to take care of his tasks. 

It is extremely frustrating to be a burden to everybody else. Unfortunately, Felix lives 24 hours a day just like every other human being, so there is not much he can do about the situation.

He keeps texting Changbin since he does not find anybody else he is genuinely interested in. He does not have enough time to message more people anyway.

Although he is about to collapse from tiredness, he always smiles every time he receives a new message. Their conversations are short and easy but not too superficial. 

Whenever Changbin asks how he is doing there is something genuine about it. But then he uses a cheap pickup line. Sometimes it seems stilted too, which is a turnoff. 

It confuses Felix because he is somehow charmed by Changbin’s ingenious words. But his opinion remains ambiguous because Changbin is unpredictable and switches between being sweet and a jerk. Nevertheless, there is something addictive about waiting for his response. 

Saturday night Felix lies on his bed, holding his phone above his head. 

Jisung is working silently on another commission, blending out his surroundings with his massive headphones. 

Suddenly Felix starts up and nearly drops his phone. “Shit, he asked me whether we could video chat tomorrow!” 

Jisung puts down his headphones. “Huh?”

“Changbin wants to call me tomorrow.” 

Panic is written all over Felix’s face. 

“But isn’t that good? You guys have been texting the whole week.” Jisung frowns. “I think it’s time to talk with him on a more personal level.”

Felix is aware that he needs to build a stronger connection at some point if he really wants to seal the deal. But that is the whole problem. He is not sure whether he should genuinely try to find a job as a sugar baby. He has been doubting it all week, especially at work. Because that whole sugar baby thing might symbolize some sort of escape from his current job for him (and yes, he is aware that this is quite pathetic).

“I can hear the gears turning in your head,” Jisung chuckles, “Don’t overthink too much. Just go with the flow. It doesn’t have to work out. But at least try if you’re that far already.”

Felix sighs. “It just makes me nervous.” 

He is in contact with Seo rich asshole fucking Changbin, after all. Somebody who knows exactly where he belongs in life. Somebody who has so much more influence than Felix. Somebody who can basically throw his money out of the window without noticing a difference.

Felix is proud of everything he has achieved so far, but he still feels a bit inferior compared to Changbin. The thought that Changbin actually has some sort of interest in him seems surreal. 

“I get that. But he texted you for a reason,” Jisung says, “Don’t underestimate yourself.” He stands up and walks over to Felix’s closet. “Let’s look for a nice outfit. It doesn’t hurt to impress him a bit.”

A dark shade of red spreads on Felix’s cheeks. 

“Huh? Don’t you have more clothes?” Flustered, Jisung rummages through Felix’s closet.

“I’m sure that Hyunjin borrowed some again,” Felix explains.

Jisung groans, rolling his eyes. “Classic Hyunjin. What a thief!” He rolls up his sleeves. “I’ll recapture your property!” 

Felix snorts with laughter and watches Jisung storming out of their room. Then he picks up his phone to finally send a reply: 

Sure, I have time

Do you use Skype? 

I’ll send you my ID 

Tomorrow, 5 p.m?

ok

Felix can hear Hyunjin and Jisung arguing in the next room. 

He remembers that the two of them used to have a hard time getting along. Felix and Jisung, on the other hand, have always been tied together, best friends since middle school. Then Felix befriended Seungmin since they both were signed up for the same school project. This led to multiple encounters with Hyunjin, who was close to Seungmin. 

The fusion of their circles was inevitable.

Jisung was fine with Seungmin. But he and Hyunjin ended up fighting all the time. Hyunjin did not want to leave Seungmin, and Jisung did not want to leave Felix, so they’d needed to figure out their tense relationship. 

They even had some sort of deal that determined that they acted like friends in front of the others. Their enemy dynamic moulded into genuine friendship over time without them even noticing.

It is a bit ironic that they probably know each other so deeply, although Felix is still Jisung’s best friend. But Hyunjin knows every single side of Jisung, the ugliest, most terrifying and also most vulnerable ones. 

They still tease each other but in a weird appreciative and lovely way (at least most of the time).

Felix looks up when he hears someone clearing their throat. 

“Jisung and Hyunjin are basically destroying my room,” Seungmin grunts. He seems tired, his hair messy and his glasses hanging on his nose askew. His hand is clutching around his laptop, which he probably saved from the brutal war going on in his room.

“Jisung wanted to find my clothes.”

“For a date?” 

Felix frowns and puckers his lips. “Uh, I guess?” 

Seungmin walks over and drops on Felix’s bed. Then he opens his laptop again and begins working on his assignment. Judging by the key smash lines in the doc which he has to delete now, his escape must have been pretty wild.

Felix crawls over his bed and slips beneath Seungmin’s arm to place his head on Seungmin’s chest. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he murmurs.

Seungmin’s slender fingers glide over the keyboard, creating a soothing pattern of clicking. 

First, Felix thinks that he is not going to answer but then Seungmin starts humming. Sometimes he does this when he is trying to figure out a smart answer.

“We all don’t know what we’re doing.”

Felix smiles and buries his face in Seungmin’s shirt. “I’m sure someone who is the heir of a millionaire’s company knows what they’re doing.”

“That might sound super corny but I’d say ‘never judge a book by its cover’.” Seungmin stops, pondering over the next paragraph of his essay. 

Felix is at his wit's end because he still cannot think of a reason why Changbin would have the urge to look for sugar babies. Maybe Changbin really does not know what he is doing, after all. Or he is bored. 

“I’m looking too much into it,” Felix whispers into the fabric of Seungmin’s shirt.

“What did you say?”

Felix chuckles. “Oh, nothing.”

There is no such thing as a “day off” for Changbin. 

He has to be alerted all the time, checking for mails and picking up urgent calls. He does not like to procrastinate as a new load of work is added to the pile every day. He’d rather tick things off his to-do list quickly, although it will be never finished anyway. 

“You should rest.” 

Changbin stares at his laptop, having probably forgotten how to form proper sentences. His head feels so full. He has been having problems concentrating all day. 

He notices the cushions of the couch sinking down. He sighs, sets his laptop aside and turns his head to face Chan. 

“You can’t focus anyways. It’s better to rest.”

“It’s ironic to hear that from you,” Changbin mutters.

Chan is one of the few people Changbin considers as a friend, no, probably a best friend. 

Chan comes from a rich family as well, so Changbin does not have to worry about being exploited. They have been knowing each other since they were kids, therefore, Chan knows how Changbin used to be before … all this mess.

Changbin feels sorry for him. He knows that it is not easy for Chan to see his childhood friend building walls around him, becoming colder and more distanced. He thinks that Chan is extremely brave for fulfilling his dreams. Instead of taking over his parents’ company, Chan decided to become a swim instructor and lifeguard. 

“I mean, even I can take breaks when I really need them,” Chan says. He tilts his head. “There’s something on your mind, right?”

Changbin puts the laptop on the table and then crosses his arms behind his head. He thinks about the upcoming call with Felix, getting jittery all over again. It is ridiculous since he is the one who asked for a call. 

Perhaps he is insecure because he still cannot believe that he is actually looking for a sugar baby. But to be honest, he did not search too much. Once he clicked Felix’s profile he didn’t really want to find someone else. 

“I’m going to call someone in an hour,” he says.

Chan raises his eyebrows. “Someone from a different company? Don’t tell me that you’re trying to get deals on a Sunday.”

Changbin shakes his head. “No no … it’s like … you know, personal .” He cringes when he realizes that he pronounced the last word really awkwardly. He turns his head away in an attempt to hide his red cheeks.

“Ooooh, I see.” Chan starts grinning. “So you decided to give it another shot? Who is she?” 

“It’s not ...” Changbin tries to explain. He has been texting with Felix all the time, so why is it so hard to even talk about him? He is not obligated to keep it a secret. Or is he? 

They have not established their relationship yet, so maybe Changbin is not allowed to talk about having a sugar baby for Felix’s safety.

Chan hums. “I understand. How come?” 

Changbin shrugs. Why has he started this conversation in the first place if he is not even able to tell the whole background story? He probably feels guilty lying to Chan. “He’s just … cute. Found him on social media,” he finagles.

“That’s nice! So he lives nearby?” Chan’s interest is genuinely heartwarming—Changbin did not expect that kind of enthusiasm. 

Changbin nods. “Yeah … yeah. I think about meeting him soon. But maybe he doesn’t even want to …” 

“I’m sure he does. You’re nice and everything!” 

Changbin snorts with laughter. “I don’t think most people would agree. ” He stands up and collects his work materials. 

“Well, that’s why it’s my opinion,” Chan chuckles, “And I’m sure there are others who know you better.” 

“Whatever you say.” 

Changbin does not want to be mean to people, but feelings are complicated. That is the reason why he started looking for an emotional escape in the first place. Felix seems nice and adorable, so maybe he can pretend to have somebody he cares about, just to feel a bit more human again.

Chan leaves since he will meet his parents for dinner, and Changbin has nothing better to do than begin cleaning his flat. 

He does not like hiring cleaning services, although he has the money. Having strangers in his home is pretty stressful, so he prefers to just stay as tidy as possible. Being organized is a huge part of his career, hence it is not difficult for him to transfer this habit to his personal life. 

He hops into the shower and tries to wash his nervousness away. Then he puts on some jeans and a plain black t-shirt. He wants to look neat but not overdressed because it might make Felix uncomfortable. 

He opens Skype on his laptop. His request was accepted by Felix yesterday, so he only waits for the dot to light up green.

As soon as Felix is online Changbin starts typing but pauses immediately when he is called. He did not expect that they would jump to that step without further ado. He taps the green button with trembling fingers. 

“Uh … hello?” 

Changbin smiles without realizing it. “Hey. How are you?”

“Good! Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Changbin props his elbow on the tabletop and leans forward. “Your voice sounds deeper than I expected.”

“A lot of people tell me that.” Felix does not even hide the nervous tone. “So should we turn the camera on?” 

“Sure.” 

Changbin activates camera mode and nearly chokes on his spit when he sees Felix’s face popping up on his screen. 

Felix wears a striped long sleeve beneath an oversize thrasher t-shirt. His blond strands hang out of a black snapback cap messily. Since he put it backwards Changbin can clearly identify his petite face. Bright eyes, freckles painted like stars on his cheeks and candy-like, sweet, puffy lips.

Felix scrunches his small nose when he sees Changbin’s opened mouth. “Sorry, is this inappropriate?” He twitches at his shirt.

Changbin blinks multiple times. “What? No, no. You look really … cool.” 

Felix appears very petite and gentle in his profile pictures, so it is kind of a shock to see him dressed in such a boyish style. He looks like he is ready to go out and have fun (and Changbin kind of wants to participate in that). 

“Is that your usual style?”, he asks curiously. 

Felix indicates a nod. “I guess? It’s practical for, you know, going out, skating … and all that  … fun stuff.” 

Changbin hums, although he has no clue how this feels like. 

“And I thought that it might be nice to go skating together. Some time.” Felix smiles, competing with it against the sun. “It’s a hobby of mine. I like to be active so I don’t rot in my room, studying all day.”

Confused, Changbin looks at him.

“Or … ugh, sorry. I guess sugar babies usually go to fancy restaurants and drink wine. But I don’t like alcohol so …” Felix scratches the back of his head. “I’m babbling too much, right?” 

But Changbin likes it. Within the first two minutes, he noticed that Felix does have personality. He was a bit worried that Felix would be just like the others Changbin has met before. 

Empty. 

Changbin smiles. “I’d love that. I’ve never been skating.”

Felix gasps. “What?! That’s a crime! We have to change that.”

Changbin’s heart might have exploded at the sight of Felix’s shocked face. It is so genuine. Endearing. Lovely. 

“It’s getting cold outside tho … But maybe we’ll have the chance, regardless.” 

Changbin nods. “Yeah, sure.” He scratches the table, trying to calm his pounding heart down. 

Silence. 

Felix shifts awkwardly on his chair. Then he clears his throat. “So, what have you been doing today?” 

“Does it matter?” 

Felix pulls his head back, looking to the side. He frowns and presses his lips together.

Changbin can see that Felix swallows heavily, judging the way his Adam’s apple bobs. He sighs. “Sorry, I’m not used to that.”

“What do you mean?” Felix asks cautiously. 

Changbin bites his lower lip and shakes his head. “Nevermind.” 

He starts talking about his day, although he thinks it is boring. So it surprises him to see that Felix stays attentive the entire time. It feels weird because he is not paying Felix (yet), but their conversation stays vivid. 

Usually, Changbin does all the talking on dates (and yes, he knows that this is not really a date, but he can keep projecting). It is a nice change to have somebody who takes interest in actively participating in a discussion. 

An hour passes without Changbin realizing it. He even starts to loosen up which seems to have a positive effect on Felix as well. 

“I need to study now,” Felix says with apologizing eyes.

“That’s fine.” 

Felix nods and is about to hang up, but Changbin stops him.

“I’d like to meet you.”

Felix freezes. 

“Next week maybe?” Why is suddenly Changbin’s throat so dry? “We could grab some coffee.” 

“Really?” Felix tilts his head as if he could not believe that somebody would ask him out (which is ridiculous because Changbin really wants to take off the cap and ruffle through the blonde, soft-looking hair). 

Changbin folds his hands and stares at the screen. “Yeah. I’m really interested in an arrangement.”

“Huh?” Felix blushes hard—Changbin can see it through the screen easily. “Right, right, the arrangement!” He puts his hand on his mouth and seems to consider that offer. 

“If it’s too soon then …”

Felix shakes his head. “No! No, not at all. Yeah, let’s meet.” 

Changbin grins. His heart swells in his chest like it wanted to pop out any second. “Okay, I’ll text you.”

“Tight.” Felix waves. “Then … see you soon, I guess.” 

Changbin closes Skype and leans back, satisfied. 

For the first time in forever, he has a good feeling about meeting somebody new.

From  Felix’s point of view, it is bad to limit himself to one option.

He kind of likes Changbin, and he has the feeling that the other might like him back (in whatever way). 

But that is the exact problem. It cannot be a good sign to think about Changbin all the time despite having not met personally yet. 

Felix does not feel like contacting other people. Nevertheless, he starts responding to other requests again. There are a few other sugar daddies who are interested in him and would spend good money too. 

Felix needs any kind of support, and he cannot wait to quit his job. But he feels bad for messaging other potential clients, although he is about to meet Changbin. It is stupid and irrational because he is obviously allowed to do whatever he wants to do. 

“You seem stressed, Haengbok,” Hyunjin says when Felix comes into the kitchen. 

It is pretty late and he should sleep, but he needs to finish the assignment first. And what does help against frustration and writing blocks? Of course food. 

“I am stressed,” Felix yawns and opens the fridge just to basically fall into it because of exhaustion. 

Hyunjin catches him. “Aren’t you meeting this Changbin guy tomorrow? You should probably rest.” 

Felix sighs and takes an apple. He walks over to the sink and washes it. “Yeah, I am. But it’s difficult. I reached out to other potential clients and … ugh, I don’t think I can do that.” 

“Maybe you should only meet Changbin. You’re new in the business after all.” 

Felix sits on the counter and bites into the apple. “Yeah, I think so too, but I still don’t know … I feel like I’m getting attached too easily. It feels too personal if I have only one client.” 

Hyunjin stands between Felix’s legs and puts his hands on the counter next to each side of Felix’s hip. “So you’re afraid of catching feelings?”

Felix’s face becomes hot. “I don’t even know him.” He keeps biting big chunks out of his apple as if he could choke all of his irrational thoughts like that. 

“Yet we’re here.” Hyunjin smiles benignly. “Come on. You can talk to me.”

But what does Felix want to talk about? Whenever he texts Changbin his mind goes blank. Everything goes by so naturally. It is somehow motivational to see that his patience pays off.

Changbin is not as defensive as before and relinquishes more of his private life. They are going tiny, little, itty bitty baby steps, which seem insignificant. However, to Felix, they mean a lot. And it scares him.

Before Felix can answer his phone rings. He takes the ringing device out of his pocket and checks his messages. “It’s another client. His name is Eric.” He swallows. “He wants to meet me tomorrow, at 4 p.m.”

Hyunjin frowns. “Wait, when are Changbin and you supposed to meet?”

“At 3 p.m. Maybe I can make it to both meetings?” Felix mumbles.

“Isn’t it kind of ... mean to cut your time with Changbin although he was first?”

Felix buries his face in his hands. “Yeah, I know but I can’t just take one option.” He suppresses a groan. “It makes me feel dependent again.”

Hyunjin sighs. “So that’s the problem.”

Felix lifts his head up again. “Huh?” 

“You hate your job because your boss gives you a hard time. And you’d be self-employed as a sugar baby. So if you have only one client it’ll make you feel like having a boss again,” Hyunjin assumes.

Felix’s jaw drops. “Whoa, are you transforming to Seungmin?”

“I guess we’ve been spending too much time together lately,” Hyunjin laughs. Then he becomes more serious again. “No, but think about what makes you feel comfortable. You don’t owe anything to these strangers.”

Felix wraps his arms around Hyunjin and pulls him into a hug. “You’re right. I just needed to hear that.” He sighs. “Thanks, man.” 

So now he understands the real problem behind his overthinking. But that does not solve the question of who he should pick for tomorrow. 

“I guess I have to text back,” he mumbles and looks at his phone. 

Maybe there is no right answer.