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Jude felt the warmth of a white light dancing over him. He opens his eyes. Blinding lights blast him. His eyes flicker between long blinks, turning his head down into his lap. The light gets bearable after a while. He brings up his hand to shadow his eyes. The place is full of white clouds and a summer breeze that flows through his hair, sounds of laughter emerging. Supporting himself with his arms around his waist, Jude's legs support himself while getting up.
What? He thinks. How could his legs possibly support him, especially by themselves? He can't help but let out a confused mumble. He reaches his arms forward to touch his legs when he sees his arms are naked. His eyes dart back and forth, hands tracing around the once scared skin. His skin is clean. Like it has never been pained.
"Is this a dream?" He mutters. None of it makes sense; his legs, his arms, the blinding lights.
The laughter and faint sound of people speaking get clearer. Jude looks up to come face to face with him. Willem must've looked at the same time he did. Willem's eyes are glossy, his mouth slightly open. Next to him, he assumes, is Hemming. Hemming's smile is just how Willem had described it, the warmth of a thousand suns. Hemming isn't smiling at Willem; he's smiling at Jude. His eyes are calm and have a happy tint in them.
Willem gets up from his chair, nearly tripping on his own feet as he runs towards Jude. The clouds almost splash out as a reaction to Willem's movement. His arms moving so fast they look like a flash. All of him looks like a flash. His face, however, stays almost the same. His mouth is no longer slightly open, it's a toothy grin spread across his face like a map.
Jude got lost in Willem's face that he didn't even notice the familiar arms being wrapped around him. He feels Willem's smile at the crook of his neck, whispering things he'll never know.
He becomes still against his hold, his mind still concerned about why he's in this place, when Willem whispers, "You're not supposed to be here already."
Willem, Hemming, his legs, his arms, the clouds, the blinding light, the laughter. Jude wasn't alive anymore. He got his wish, and he sobbed at it. Willem held him tighter.
"Sh, it's ok Judy." He sobbed more at this. He's wished for this his whole life, and when Willem died, he'd dream of it. Taking sleeping pills to dream of Willem, convincing himself Willem was still alive, wrapping his clothes around him in hopes to feel the feeling he was feeling now. Everything that has ever happened to him, all the nightmares, the cutting, the abuse, all of it, felt worth it. At this moment, he was, for the first time in his life, safe. No one could hurt him. It was over. Willem was here and that's all that mattered.
"I'm sorry," the words spill out. "Don't be." Willem still had a death grip on him, as if at any moment he would disappear and never return. The tightness of his grip occupies his mind so he doesn't hear Willem's sobs until he speaks. "I'm sorry I left you." Willem chokes.
He brings his arms up to his neck and strokes his hair. "It's alright." How could it not be? Here was Willem. Just like he promised, and I'll never let you go.
He still smells like he always did. Oh, how he longed for the scent. Jude shoved his nose in Willem's neck and inhaled. He inhaled all of the joyfulness, the safety, the love. Everything.
"I need to show you something."
"What?" Willem asked, still holding his grip.
Jude pushed away from him to show his arms. Willem's face showed waves of years of sorrow washing away. The slight tension his right eyebrow had for as long as they knew each other washed away with it.
He grabbed Jude's arms and began running his hand up and down.
"Can you believe it?" Jude smiled.
"I just-Jude," Willem put his arms back to his sides and cupped his face. "I love you."
Suddenly, Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall combined all of their most beautiful features. Spring's lavender flowers and the squeak of birds chipping; Summer's warm grass and the laughter of children playing in gardens; Winter's icy air and Christmas music; Fall's honey leaves and misty fog. He felt them all at once, Willem noticed.
"I'd kill to capture your happiness and bottle it up and spread it along valleys, rivers, mountains, forest, and everywhere I could, but seeing it on your face after so long is like all of that and the weight of the ocean as well. I hope it never leaves."
It never did.