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Crown Prince Rudolf was lying in his bed, shivering from the shadows of the night. He has chosen not to seek a bedmate for tonight, and was severely regretting it. Despite being a boy no longer, the empty darkness sometimes felt suffocating to him even now.
A rush of cold washed over him, and suddenly he wasn't alone any more. And despite the moonlight glowing dimmer, and the temperature dropping by the second, as if everything that was alive was fleeting from the room, somehow Rudolf found comport in it.
- Der Tod...
There was no answer but a soft chuckle in the corner of the room.
- It really is you! I missed you so, my dear friend, - he was no longer laying still, rather, his entire being rushed to the edge of the bed.
- My, how eager you are, - Tod approached the boy, pulling him into a comforting embrace, - How have you been these couple of years?
- I am... I have been fine. Busy with my studies and training. Lonely... But now that you are here it doesn't matter!
- And how is your esteemed mother?
- She is... still traveling... I wish she would come back home soon...
- But you really do look so much like her, - an appreciative eye smiled at him, - you have her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips... – a pale hand familiarly traced Rudolf's face. This should be plenty for both of us...
Rudolf felt pleased hearing this. He knew from early years that he bore resemblance to his mother. He wasn't nearly as beautiful as she was, of course; the last few years especially sharpened his features in a way that he found to be quite ugly. But the resemblance was still there. Perhaps he was deluding himself in that regard, but the thought was comforting. No matter how far away she was, no matter who tried separating them; he could still feel close to her just by looking into a mirror. Sometimes, as a child, Rudolf would glance at his reflection and imagine how his mother would be there at that moment, how she would play with him and read stories to him. As he reached boyhood, he pretended to hear her voice more often, guiding him, giving him advice on anything and everything at all – from etiquette to the matters of state. And now, he was simply glad to be of use to a person who missed her almost as much as he was.
A silence ensued for a few long moments. It wasn't uncomfortable; but prince still felt a need to break it, voicing a question that he felt gnawing at him.
-Have you finally come for me? – Rudolf asked, biting his lip, almost resenting how hopeful he sounded.
- No. I still have hopes for you here. Besides, I would never be as cruel to you as to deny you the right to see her again. Doesn't mean we can't play for a bit, though.
Tod leaned closer, his lips almost touching the skin. Rudolf felt himself grow weak as the experienced hands did things to him, things that made his limbs grow numb as blood couldn't move properly around his body any more. He knew he will be in agony later - when the circulation would be restored, he would feel thousands needles prickling at his skin, making him cry and scream without abandon. But that would be later, not quite now. And now he felt like he was dying, which never made him feel more alive.
***
His father knew… Rudolf has hit the table with an anger he didn't think possible of himself. The papers that he wrote criticizing the government have been connected to him. And his father… no, the Emperor – prince mentally spat out that word – would not forgive him for this display of insubordination. That fool. Did he not see that the country was headed toward ruin? Did he not realize that his policies would tear the world into two, leading to nothing but anguish and despair? The countrymen grew restless – they wanted to have control over their own lives instead of the crown directing their every move. They wanted security in knowing they would have enough means to sustain their family instead of paying taxes with everything they had. If something is not done soon… There is not going to be the empire any more, and Hapsburg dynasty is going to disappear as if it never existed.
It could have been worse, he mused. At least his compatriots are safely hidden so far. Whatever repercussions the Emperor would take, they would be primarily against Rudolf himself, and it is doubtful they would be too severe. He was the only son, after all.
He wanted his mother to come home soon. It was years since he has last seen her, to the point that it was unbearable to go another day without her presence. He tried to forget himself in the arms of different women, but it wasn't enough – all they could provide was quick release, they couldn't make everything better with just a single word, a single touch, and a single smile. When Elisabeth would come back home, he knew that all his problems would be easily solved by just one wise remark. Just like always. Even now, surely, she understood him in a way no one else did. After all, he was so much like her… He threw a quick glance to a mirror, finally feeling the worries of the day leave him.
***
He was in his study when he heard it. His mother, Elisabeth, was finally coming home. She would be in the palace in the matter of hours. The message left him giddy, to the point if the messenger had a presence of mind to ask for anything in the world, surely he would have given it to him without a second thought.
She had indeed arrived soon. She greeted him and smiled at him, and exchanged pleasantries with his father and his sisters. And although he wished that she would hug him very very dearly, like she did when he was younger that could wait till later. He longed to talk with her in private so much… But, he could wait for it to happen just a bit longer. After all, he has already waited for so long…
Surely, one doesn't deserve to feel this happy as he was in anticipation of that moment.
When the time finally came to bid everyone good night, prince could hardly contain himself. He thought that his heartbeat was so loud, feeling as if everyone in the entire empire were able to hear it…
He gently knocked on the door of Elisabeth chambers, aching to talk with her. One of her ladies-in-waiting has opened the door and deeply curtsied as soon as she realized who it was. Rudolf paid her little mind, his eyes seeking out his mother's figure.
- Rudolf? What are you doing here?
- I came to tell you how happy I am to see you back home in good spirits, Mother.
- Is that all? You have already said it when you greeted me earlier. As have I said that I am glad to see you and your father again.
Prince willed himself not to rush to her side and beg for her motherly embrace. Doing so would be counterproductive to the purpose of this visit, as tempting as it was.
- I've also came to ask you to talk to Father. This has tormented me for months now, and, surely, you could see it too. Father doesn't listen to the will of the people, and they are growing restless. It is only a matter of time before they start taking to arms. Please, you must…
- Rudolf, - his passionate speech was sternly interrupted, - I “must” nothing. This country and its people are not my responsibility; they are your father's. I will not intervene in his dealings. Whatever you want from him, do not involve me in your plans.
His knees felt weak. He could barely process the words. The eyes spoke louder than the words. Never before he has seen such lack of warmth and care in her features, never before did her presence seemed so distant to him.
Licking suddenly dry lips and willing himself to breathe, though his throat seemed to constrict, he finally found himself able to speak again:
- Mother… are you… do you… Do you still care about me?
For a second, with her face relaxed into a semblance of a smile, he felt silly for asking that question. Of course she did, and now she would chide him for such undeserved mistrust. He was no longer a child, so it was to be expected that he needs to take greater actions for his beliefs on his own. But, or course she would support him with her words and her smile. Of course she…
- Good night, Rudolf.
Elisabeth turned around to leave to her bedroom, leaving her son standing frozen.
He felt cold inside. He didn't know what to do – the entire world seemed to crumble around him. Everything he knew seemed to become false in the matter of seconds – with just one word… He promptly went to his room and threw himself onto his bed, feeling no more energy left within him. He didn't even notice the change of temperature in the room; he didn't notice a shadow looming over him – so focused was he on the feeling of emptiness inside him.
- Hello, child, - a voice whispered.
Startled, Rudolf turned around. He didn't want to see anyone right now, and any company, even this – especially this, was highly unwelcome.
- Der Tod… Have you finally come for me? – his voice was dry and emotionless.
- I wonder….
- I have no desire for your games! If you came just to torment me, then leave.
- Is that what you really want?
Suddenly, empty eyes were too close to his own. They were cold – too cold, much like a mirror. Looking into them it felt like he saw everything that will and that was.
He finally understood one thing. They were nothing alike.