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Touya looked at himself in the mirror, hands tracing over the fresh burn scars on his cheeks. It hurt. Everything hurt. It always did. He sighed turning his face to get a closer look. The majority of his body was covered in bandages at this point, but he was used to it. He was used to the terrible stinging sensation in his bones every time he used his quirk. He was used to the scars that went deep into his muscles. As messed up as it sounded, he barely felt the pain anymore.
What he hadn't quite gotten used to was the roots of his hair being white. He couldn't remember when exactly that had started, but his hair was turning white. Fuyumi said it was probably due to stress and physical exertion. Touya could only think about how he'd look more like his mother if his hair turned completely white. He didn't know what to think of that.
His mother was a difficult topic among all of her children. Even more so than their father. All of them, or well, most of them at least, felt nothing but pure hatred for that man. Their mother however was a victim in the situation, just as much as they were. She'd been terribly hurt by Endeavor and it caused her to harm her own children.
Touya ran a hair through his hair. At least he'd look less like his father. That didn't stop him from wanting to change everything though. He didn't wanna look like this anymore. Everything reminded him of his family. Especially his eyes. They were bright blue, just like his father's eyes. He hated everything about them.
With a sigh, the boy finished washing his face and left the bathroom. The house was quiet and for the most part felt abandoned. He'd never quite understood why they had such a big mansion for only five people. His mother had left a while ago and he hadn't heard anything from her ever since. He highly doubted he'd ever see her again.
Fuyumi and Natsuo weren't home for as long as possible, both of them enjoying the freedom they possessed. They were allowed to go to school and have friends like normal kids would.
Touya really wished that he'd been born quirkless like Fuyumi or even with a weak ice quirk like Natsuo. He'd prefer the neglect over Endeavor's training every day of the week.
A loud scream echoed of the empty walls and Touya winced at the shrill noise. That's right, he was more like Fuyumi and Natsuo nowadays. Ever since Shoto's quirk had developed, the perfect split, the perfect kid, he'd been tossed aside. He still was locked up, not allowed to go anywhere without permission. He hated it.
Another scream of pain could be heard a few doors down and Touya walked closer, peaking into the room. Shoto was hunched over on the floor. His eye was still bandaged up from what their mother had done to him a few weeks ago. The young boy was crying, bright red bruises covering his exposed arms and ankles. Endeavor loomed over him.
Touya felt a twinge of pity for his brother. He was barely five years old for God's sake. No one should treat a child like that. But then, to be fair, he'd also only been four when his own 'training' had started. He couldn't help the surge of hatred and anger he felt as he quickly walked away from the training room, quirk starting to flicker up in his palm. He gritted his teeth and tried ignoring the pain.
It wasn't any fair. Neither of them should be treated this way. And to imagine that after all these years. Those 11 years of literal torture, having his body ripped apart by his own quirk and his own goddamn father, only to be thrown aside when some better kid was created, none of that was fair. Life wasn't fair.
His fists clenched in anger as he continued walking through the empty house. He didn't even notice the blood dripping down his wrists and fingers from where his skin had burned and his fingernails had dug into his palms. It was only another small sting to the collection of pain.
Once again he cursed his father. He'd only ever wanted to be normal. He wanted nothing more than a normal, average life, but he couldn't even have that.
_____
He was so tired. Beyond tired. Exhausted. He had no words for what he felt aside from tired and empty. It was like he was feeling nothing and everything at the same time. It was just too much to handle.
It had been days since Touya really left his bed. He was high out of his mind on pain medication and cigarettes. His father had stopped caring about what he did anyways and Fuyumi was pitying him enough to not say anything about it.
She sent him those pitying looks whenever she brought him food. He couldn't stand it and he couldn't help snapping at her every once in a while for it. That made him feel even worse, but he never apologized or thanked her for the things she did to help him.
It didn't matter, he kept telling himself. It didn't matter what she or anyone else thought. He just wanted to wreck his lungs as much as possible, hoping that it would kill him faster.
All Touya did was stay in bed, feeling miserable and wallowing in self hatred. Despite the huge amounts of pain medication, he felt incredibly weak and sick. His body was covered in little burns all over, not from training, he hadn't trained in months, but from chosing to use his quirk. He liked the pain. The clean lines healing up on his wrists were also proof of that.
Some of them were infected and smelled gross, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The more pain, the better. It was the only thing that felt even remotely real to him. He kept tracing his fingers over the scars, adding more and more everytime he couldn't handle his thoughts anymore.
He just wanted everyone to leave. He wanted the entire world to disappear and just leave him alone. Life isn't fair his brain kept repeating over and over again.
God, why did he have to be alive? Touya let out a groan as he slowly sat up, entire body creaking in the progress. His father had demanded that he'd come downstairs tonight. Something about an important dinner with fellow colleagues.
Touya ran a hand through his hair, regretting everything, before he got up and walked to the bathroom. It took all his energy to get showered, brush his teeth and dress his wounds. He didn't care if he looked presentable. All he cared about was not getting beaten up by his dad and being back in his bed as soon as possible.
The living room was filled with people Touya didn't know. He tried his best to smile and make small talk. He couldn't believe that anyone bought the act of a happy family. Not with the way he and Shoto looked.
He collapsed back into his bed a few hours later, body shaking like a leaf as he ran a high fever. He'd thrown up his entire dinner already and for the first time he thought his body was actually going to kill him.
_____
Touya still wasn't allowed to leave the house. He was 16 now. It's been over a year since he's last had a training session with his father, the man's whole attention being on Shoto. Touya couldn't help the resentment that started to grow within him.
He was the only child that was trapped in the hellhole they all called home. It made no sense. He didn't know why Endeavor thought it was to dangerous to let him run around freely. What was the worst he could do? Kill someone?
Touya couldn't help but resent Fuyumi and Natsuo after a while. Their lives were so normal. Both of them went to school like normal teens and they had friends. Touya didn't even know anyone his age, much less had a friend. It wasn't fair.
Fuyumi started bringing over girls after school. They were obnoxious and loud, watching stupid chick flicks in the living room and talking about boys. Touya wanted to join, but he was never invited. He wanted to talk about boys too, but no one ever asked him about stuff like that. But then again, he didn't know a lot about boys. Or girls. People in general.
He started watching the girls from time to time, imagining being apart of a friend group like that. Fuyumi quickly told him to stop, calling him a creep and accusing him of being a pervert. The words should've hurt him, but he couldn't help but laugh and how little she knew about him.
One day, Touya had enough of it. He felt like he was losing his sanity with every passing day he spent in that house. His hair had gone completely white, his skin was thick with scars and every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn't help but notice how his eyes looked so dull and lifeless.
It was nearly 2 am when he snuck out through the window, earning himself a handful of painful bruises in the process. It was the first time in years he'd been outside and the first time he'd ever been outside alone.
Their house was a long walk from the city, but Touya had stolen some spare change he'd found scattered across the house. He used to go into the city with his nanny when he was very young and he eventually found the bus station they used.
He couldn't stop staring at all the lights of the city as they passed by. Once he was off the bus, his senses were assaulted by things he'd never experienced before. He startled at a new feeling, smell, noise, sight at every step. He couldn't help the crazed grin that spread over his face as he browsed the few shops that were still open.
People stared at him whispered about him, the boy who was littered in burns and looked like he was about to fall over dead. He didn't care about any of that though as the urge arose to destroy something.
Touya stole a bible, one of those big, old ones his father kept locked up in his office. How the shopkeeper didn't notice him leave with it was a mystery. He took the heavy book and left the city lights behind him. Halfway back to his house, he found a little forest and decided this was the perfect place.
There was a small clearing, which campers had left littered with garbage. Touya put the bible down in the middle of it, he activated his quirk on his index finger and lit the corner of the holy book on fire.
It was a mesmerizing sight, watching the paper slowing fade into nothing but smoke and ash. Touya sank to his knees and watched it, eyes wide as tears started falling down.
A laugh ripped itself from his throat and once it started, he couldn't stop. He was laughing hysterically between sobs as he watched a book burn. It was crazy, but he'd never felt so alive. He'd never felt as much joy as he did the moment he watched that bible burn.
He felt strong and he could feel heat built up in his gut that had absolutely nothing to do with the general heat of his quirk. He wondered how much more pleasure he'd feel if he burned down a church or his house or maybe-
"I will burn alive", he whispered, looking up at the night sky, expression crazed as tears continued falling. "I'm gonna burn alive!"
Never in his life had he felt more alive and at the same time so close to death. He wanted to die.
_____
Touya was 17 now and little had changed. The years seemed to have passed in the blink of an eye. He barely remembered anything, everything was a blur of pain and medication. He still remembered the days his siblings were born and the day their mother was taken away, but everything after that was hazy. He blamed it on the drugs.
One thing he clearly remembered though, was the pain and emptiness. Those feelings still dominated most of his days. One thing however topped all of it. An urge, the one he had since the day he'd burned that bible, never left him. That strong urge to kill himself.
Yes, indeed, little had changed.
The news still praised Endeavor, talking about how he would overtake All Might one day, about how strong he was. They also reported about the family, showing the few family pictures they had.
It was all lies. Those smiles were only put on for the camera and disappeared as soon as it was gone again. Touya still remembered picture days vividly. They'd been torture.
How the public couldn't see behind all those lies was a wonder to him. They'd all been abused so badly by someone the country considered a hero and all of them had scars to show for it, but somehow the public was clueless.
Touya, of course, the most obvious one with nearly his entire body covered in burn scars. Not only those external scars, but also the one burried deep inside of him. The hatred and resentment he felt. If the public knew that Endeavor's eldest son went out every night to set shit on fire and that he got off on it, they'd surely start questioning some things.
Shoto was probably just as messed up as he was. He'd been through the same type of relentless training that pushed his body beyond it's breaking point. He had enough scars to show for it and the boy was so extremely quiet. Touya hated everything about him.
Their mother probably was off worse than all of them. She didn't have much say in her marriage to Endeavor and it was obvious the man didn't truly love her. He used her for his own personal gain, not caring that Rei was left behind with her mind in pieces. She'd broken from all the pressure.
Fuyumi and Natsuo were different than the rest. They didn't have any physical scars to show cast their stories, but they'd been hurt just as much. Touya could see the same kind of hatred he felt reflect in Natsuo's eyes and Fuyumi looked so frightened and fragile. He pitied them most of the time.
Touya passed the living room while Fuyumi was watching the news. Their family picture was showcased once again. Touya didn't try to contain his anger as he grabbed the nearest vase and threw it at the TV, consequences be damned.
Fuyumi yelled, flinching at the noise and holding up her hands like she was being attacked. Touya only laughed hysterically as the TV shattered into pieces.
His punishment for that was being locked into a dark closet for two days with no food or water. Once he was freed from there, he could barely walk, shaking like a leaf. He felt so incredibly weak.
Really, how did the public not see any of this? Were all of them really that stupid and blinded by a flashy quirk?
_____
He couldn't do it anymore. Burning trash in the middle of the woods wasn't enough anymore. He couldn't keep doing this. He needed more, needed to feel something, anything.
It was an early friday morning when it happened. Fuyumi and Natsuo were out of the house at school. None of their workers had arrived yet, the only people in the house were Touya, Shoto and their father.
Touya grabbed a canister filled with gasoline that he'd stolen a few weeks ago. He walked through the empty hallways of their mansion, whistling a tune as he spread the gasoline over the floors and walls. Eventually he reached the training room.
It smelled of sweat, vomit and burned flesh. It made Touya sick to the stomach, but he couldn't help the grin that grew on his face. He emptied the canister and sat down in the middle of the floor.
And he waited. Waited for the telltale footsteps of his father, coming to train in the room before patrol, like he did every morning. Touya couldn't tell how much time passed as he just sat there, until eventually the door to the room opened.
Endeavor stood in the doorframe, looking around the room, before his eyes landed on his son. His eyes widened as the smell of gasoline filled his nose. "What did you do-"
"I'm gonna see you in hell, old man!", Touya yelled, flames of his quirk roaring to life. The room was on fire in less than a second. The flames quickly spread throughout the entire house.
Everything was burning. All Touya could feel was pain as he burned alive and he couldn't stop a scream leaving his mouth. He was gonna take his father out, no matter the cost.
Tears fell from his eyes as he pushed his quirk to it's limited, vision going blurry, before he passed out, flames still burning as his body hit the floor.
_____
Touya's eyes darted open and he inhaled sharply, ribs hurting. Pain spread through his entire body and he leaned over the side of the bed as he started dry heaving.
"My, my, quite the state you're in", a voice said from the foot of his bed. Touya swirled around, ignoring the pain as he turned to look at a man, dressed in a ratty suit and wearing a self sure smirk. There was an unlit cigarette between his lips and something about him just looked... evil.
"Who the hell are you?", the teen gritted out, throat feeling like he'd swallowed sand paper. He looked around and realized he was in what appeared to a hospital room. "Why am I alive?"
The man laughed and came over to the side of the bed. He grabbed Touya's face roughly and forced him to hold eye contact. "I am Giran and I'm here to offer a proposition you can't refuse", the man, Giran, said, looking at his face. "You were such pretty little thing, Todoroki. It's sad that your face was ruined by all those scars."
Touya tried to dislodge the hand on his face, but it was no use, the man was a lot stronger than him. "I'll ask again, why am I alive? I should've burned in that house along with my father."
Giran let out a 'tsk', grin growing wider. "It was actually him who saved you. Very heroic if you ask me", he started. "I know you wanted to die in that fire, but you didn't. However, I can propose something even better. I will help you fake your death so that you never have to return to that place."
A breath got stuck in Touya's throat and his eyes widened. There was no way anyone could do something like that. His expression quickly hardened. "That doesn't sound cheap. What do you want in return?", he asked.
Giran finally let go of his face, crossing his arms over his chest. "I want you."
_____
Touya wasn't quite sure why he'd agreed to the deal. Maybe it was the better of the two evils. He couldn't remember. The next thing he remembered clearly was that he was in the backroom of some shady doctor, having skin ripped off his body and having grafts stabled in their place. It was unimaginably painful. How he got out of the hospital? That he couldn't remember.
It took him a few weeks to recover. The doctor told him he wouldn't have anymore issues with his quirk, but he knew that wasn't true. The scars ran deeper than his skin. The doctor also told him that his tear ducts had burned, so he wouldn't be able to cry anymore and that due to the skin grafts, his movements were going to be more limited. Touya didn't mind.
There wasn't much he could do while he was recovering. Giran had taken him to some building that was functioning as his home for the time. He stayed in bed most of the time, smoking and watching TV to pass time.
The news reported about his death. Unfortunately, both his father and his youngest brother had survived. They never went into details about what happened though, calling the whole situation a "tragic quirk accident". Pathetic.
Touya didn't know what to think of Giran. The man had done a pretty good job and faking his death, but there was a price to pay. He wasn't quite sure what Giran had meant when he said 'I want you', but his gut told him it wasn't anything good.
Not that it mattered really. He owed that man his life, so he wouldn't complain, no matter what. So far Giran had done everything he could, bringing him food, helping him dye his hair and letting him rest as much as possible. He didn't seem like a bad man.
"So, are you gonna pick a new name?", Giran asked one evening as he brought some food. He sat next to the bed and they ate together.
Touya hummed, closing his eyes. "I guess Todoroki Touya really died in that fire, huh?", he said, grin stretching over his lips. "In that case, call me Dabi."
Giran laughed. "Suits you", he said.
The grin on Dabi's face grew wider. "I gotta admit, for a dead man, I feel very much alive."
_____
A few weeks later Dabi found himself in Giran's office, finally recovered enough to move around again. The man sat at his desk once he arrived.
"Ah, Dabi", the man said with a smile as he patted his leg. "Come here, boy. I wanna talk about the price for all of this."
Dabi walked over and slid into the man's lap with ease. He could feel the skin grafts on his thighs stretch as he got comfortable. "What exactly do you want from me?", he asked, batting his eyes in a mock display of innocence as a grin stretched over his lips.
Giran put a cigarette between the young man's lips and lit it. "You know exactly what I want", he said while running his hands over Dabi's thighs and rubbing rough finger pads over the exposed skin, where his skinny jeans hung low on his hips.
Dabi only hummed and closed his eyes. He took a drag from the cigarette, surprising himself with okay he was with the situation. When had he reached the point of being okay with selling his own body? How much further would he be willing to go?
There was no turning back after this point. Dabi took another drag from the cigarette, before exhaling onto Giran's face. He wrapped his arms around the man's strong neck and pulled him in for a sloppy kiss.
Giran hummed against his lips, pulling him closer and eagerly pressing their bodies together. Dabi broke from the kiss with a moan. He kept making noises that spured the older man on even further, not being able to tell how much of that was real and how much was an act.
It was sloppy and Dabi couldn't help but think about how he was going to lose his virginity to a man he barely knew, in a shitty office where multiple people were probably listening in on them. How charming. Not that he minded much, dick already hard from the friction.
Giran fumbled with his pants until he slipped the skinny jeans down the young man's thighs. Dabi lifted himself up to help, before settling on the man's lap again.
"You're gonna make me feel really good, aren't you?", he asked, pressing his hand against the other man's bulge.
"Of course I am going to make you feel good, kid", Giran laughed, pulling off Dabi's shirt and roaming hands over his naked body. "I'm gonna make you feel better than anyone had ever before until you're gonna be begging for more. And once we're done, I think I'm gonna put some piercings right here."
Dabi moaned and arched his back as the man leaned down to suck at his nipple. He unbuckled Giran's pants and let out a chocked sound as his dick sprung free.
Giran didn't even stop to ask if he was a virgin, or really any questions. He quickly prepped Dabi, while the man was panting against his chest. He already was a complete mess, nerves feeling like they were burning.
"Look at how pretty you are", Giran whispered against the shell of his ear, wiggling the three fingers he had inside of him. "Your body is so willing. Look at how much of a slut you are."
"Yes, yes, daddy. I'm just a little slut. All for you", Dabi moaned, thrusting back onto the fingers as he started kissing the man's neck.
Giran removed his fingers, but before Dabi could mourn their loss, the tip of his dick pushed against his entrance.
Dabi moaned loudly, before taking a drag from the still lit cigarette he was holding. He let Giran grab his hips and roughly fuck into him, using him how he pleased. If Dabi could still cry, he was sure he would be crying with both pain and pleasure.
_____
Once they were done, Giran carried him back to his room. Dabi was thankful, his legs shaking so badly that he didn't think he'd be able to walk in that moment. The man carefully put him down on the bed and kissed his brow.
"Next week, you're gonna start working at my brothel", Giran whispered, not a request but a statement. "It'll be good for you to get outside a bit and get used to our people. They'll like your pretty, little body a lot."
Dabi only let out a hum, eyes falling shut. It was okay, he didn't mind, he told himself despite the shame making his body burn.
_____
How much time had passed? Dabi couldn't remember. Nowadays, he couldn't remember much. He couldn't even tell how many men and women came to fuck him and use him in a day.
Dabi layed sprawled out on one of the old, dirty beds Giran had in his brothel. His body was tingling pleasantly as he came down from his high.
When had he started taking so many drugs? He also couldn't remember that.
The man that had just fucked him was already buckling up his pants and leaving, not even checking to make sure if he was okay.
Dabi slowly sat up and rolled his head until his neck cracked. He still remembered when getting off to a burning pile of trash was the worst thing he did. How innocent it looked when he thought back to the first time he'd burned something.
Hadn't he felt so incredibly alive back then? Now all he felt was that emptiness. The same one that had been chasing him ever since he was a kid.
What he'd do to go back to being 17 again, despite all the things his father had put him through. How old was he already? 19? Maybe 20? He really couldn't remember anything.
The door to the room creaked open as a new customer stepped inside. Dabi painted a smile onto his face, but it had never been so fake before.
_____
After a few more years he eventually left the brothel for good. He couldn't tell wether or not that worsened his situation. He was homeless most of the time, breaking into abandoned warehouses if it got too cold at night.
He couldn't even remember the last time he'd been sober. It must've been years. How his body was still going was a mystery to him.
Every once in the while, when things got really bad, he'd spend the night at Giran's place. Usually when his skin grafts started coming off or if he'd been so high out of his mind that he'd puked his guts out.
Giran didn't care a lot about him, encouraging him to take even more drugs and drink. Most of the time that was just a way to get in the younger man's pants without any issues. Dabi didn't care enough to stop him.
Dabi couldn't stop the laughs that bubbled out of him an random times. He really didn't think he'd ever miss the crying, but he'd been mistaken. He really wished he could still cry.
He was sprawled out on Giran's bed and stared up at the ceiling while smoking a cigarette. He lifted his hand and watched the blood slowly roll down his wrist. He couldn't remember where the wound came from.
"You look sick", Giran said as soon as he entered the room. "When was the last time you've eaten something?"
Dabi only let out a groan. "A few days ago, though I probably puked it all up again. I can't really eat anymore without throwing up", he said, watching as his hand started shaking. He was nothing more than skin and bones.
Giran crawled on top of him, pinning his skinny wrists down, removing the cigarette from his lips and leaning in for a quick kiss. "There are some people I'd like you to meet. They call themselves league of villains and they're looking for recruits to take down the heros."
"Like that Stain dude?", Dabi asked with a raised eyebrow. He rarely liked villains, but the hero killer had a good idea.
Giran hummed and lied down on the bed next to him. "Their leader is a bit particular, but I think you'd fit right in. They're a crazy bunch", he explained.
Dabi snorted a laugh. "Alright, I'll meet with them."
_____
Giran hadn't been exaggerating. The league were a bunch of nutjobs, all the people who'd been let down by society in one place. He quickly took a special liking to Magne, connecting with her most.
The woman smiled at him the second she layed eyes on him. "Oh, I can tell were gonna get along great", she announced, clapping her hands together as she walked over to talk to them.
Maybe it was just something about having another queer person to connect to that drew them closer. Toga also joined their little group regularly, but she was still a kid, so they left her out of a lot more adult conversations.
"Why did you join the league?", Magne asked him a few weeks after they met. "Did it have anything to do with you being gay?"
Dabi snorted and shook his head. "To be honest with you, I've never really struggled with homophobia. Probably since I worked in a place that specifically catered to gays. I didn't even know that there was anything weird about being gay until I was an adult", he admitted.
"I'm here, because I want my father to pay for what he did to me."
Big Sis hummed and leaned against his side. "Well if that's your goal, I'll help you", she said with a smile.
If only he'd known at the time that she wouldn't make it that far, he would've told her more about himself and asked to learn more about her.
_____
For the first time in years, Dabi felt like he belonged. He knew he was beyond repair and that his sanity was lost forever, but for the first time people understood. They were just as messed up as him.
For once, he was glad his life hadn't been normal.
_____
"I want to join the League of villains", Hawks said, standing his ground as he faced the villain.
Dabi only raised an eyebrow at him as he listened to what the hero had to say. Every single thing that left his mouth was one lie after the other. For some reason, Dabi felt compelled to play along.
"Alright, little hero. You wanna join?", the man asked, stepping closer and peering down at the smaller man. "You do everything I tell you to do. I tell you to jump? You ask how high. I tell you to stop breathing? You ask for how long. I tell you to get to your knees? You start begging. Got it?"
Hawks swallowed, but nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'll do whatever you want", he said, trying to hide just how nervous he was.
Dabi grinned at how naive the hero was. "Wait for my call, birdy", he said, before promptly walking away.
_____
Dabi sat down on the bed of the motel room he had rented for the night. It was shabby and there was an unexplainable stain on one of the walls. The sheets smelled like an ash tray. A grin spread over his face. It was perfect.
He lit a cigarette and waited till the door to the room pushed open. Hawks stepped into the room, hood drawn up and wings basically bare to hide his identity. The hero grimaced as he pulled his hand away from the sticky doorknob.
"Gross", he mumbled, wiping his hands on his pants. His eyes fell onto Dabi and he immediately straightened up, shutting the door behind him. "Why are we in a shitty motel, burnt beef jerky?"
Dabi laughed as he motioned for him to come over. "Burnt beef jerky? That's a new one", he teased, grabbing ahold of Hawks' hips once the man was close enough. "Why do you think I ordered you here?"
The hero swallowed heavily and looked down at him. It was obvious enough that he understood what was going to happen. "Do you really want this?", he asked softly, reaching down and brushing a hand over the older man's cheek bone.
Dabi leaned into the touch and nodded, small smile on his face. He found Hawks attractive enough and he knew that due to the Hero Commission, the hero was in no position to deny him anything in fear of ruining the progress he made. Or at least, the progress he thought he made.
Dabi didn't believe a word that left the man's mouth from the very beginning. "All you do with that pretty mouth is lie. There are so many better uses for it", the black haired said, grabbing the hero's face and pulling him closer, running a rough thumb over his bottom lip.
A breath got stuck in Hawks throat, eyes widening. "What are you talking about?", he asked. "I've never lied to you. I would never-"
"Don't even try", Dani growled, forcefully pushing Hawks down to sit on his lap. "I know you're not actually interested in joining the league. You're just another one of those little hero lap dogs that I hate so much. I only kept you around because you were fun to mess with."
His grip on Hawks' waist tightened, nearly bruising as the other hand moved down to his throat, only resting there but an obvious threat none the less.
Hawks' mouth fell open slightly and he looked down, looking like he was on the verge of tears. "What are you going to do to me?", he whispered, body starting to shake. Despite all his training, he couldn't help but feel completely unprepared. He fell right into Dabi's trap. "Are you going to kill me?"
"No", Dabi replied, loosening his grip. "I'm not going to hurt you. You can get up right now and leave, but you'll never see me again if you do that. You could also try to kill me, but you know how that'll end for you."
Hawks swallowed and looked up again. "Let me guess. You want to have sex with me in exchange for our continued work and my life?", he asked, expression hardening.
The grin on Dabi's face grew wider. "You're not that stupid for a bird", he teased, maniacal glint in his eyes. "Don't feel pressured into anything though."
The hero got up from his lap, before lying down next to him on the bed, eyes closed. A silence hung between them for a few seconds, before Hawks sighed. "Fine. Whatever", he whispered. "Do whatever you want with me, villain. I don't care."
Dabi crawled on top of him. "Look at me", he growled. Once Hawks opened his eyes again, Dabi felt his stomach drop. The hero had the same broken look in his eyes that he so clearly remembered from his days at the brothel. This wasn't the first time something like this happened.
"We're not that different", he said, stroking a hand over the other man's cheek. He pulled away, disgust on his face.
Dabi let out a 'tsk'. "Fine, be like that then", he hissed, any kind of sympathy or pity leaving his body. "You'll only make this harder for yourself."
He leaned down and crashed their lips together. Hawks was a bit hesitant, but eventually started kissing back. Despite his harsh words, it was obvious enough that he wanted this just as much as Dabi did.
_____
"Want one?", Dabi asked, while putting a cigarette between his lips. He offered the pack to Hawks, who only let out a low groan before taking one.
Dabi turned his head and looked over at the blonde. For the first time he noticed how deep his eyebags were and that he somehow seemed older than his age. He looked tired. "Are you gay?", Dabi asked before he could stop himself.
Hawks turned to look back at him and raised a questioning eyebrow. "You had sex with me without knowing wether or not I'm gay?", he asked, joking tone to his voice, though there was no trace of humour on his face.
The two men looked at each other for a few seconds, before Hawks sighed and took a drag from his cigarette. "Does it even matter?"
"No", Dabi replied, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't care, but I know from personal experience what it was like when I was forced to sleep with women due to work and it sucks. Just wanted to make sure you're okay."
"What kinda fucked up job did you have?", Hawks asked, completely having discarded whatever persona he put on before. "And since when do you give a damn about wether or not I'm okay?"
Dabi snorted. "I may be a villain, but not completely heartless, ya know? I was a prostitute for a good couple of years. Uh... Probably 6 years or something like that", he said, scratching his chin. "I can't remember how old I am. How old are you again?"
"23."
"Ah, right, then I should be... uh... 26? I think."
Hawks' shoulders shook with laughter. "You're a proper mess, Dabi. I don't get how anyone can stand you."
The villain gave him a light shove, all the threats from just half an hour ago completely forgotten. It was like two old friends had reconciled. "In my defense, I haven't really been sober enough to remember anything since I was 17."
The blonde didn't reply to that and got up from the bed. "I shouldn't stay away for too long or people will get suspicious", he said, pulling on his pants.
If asked later on, Dabi would deny the twinge of heart ache he felt in his chest. "Alright. I'll see you soon?", he asked, trying to make it sound like a statement rather than a question.
Hawks halted in his movements and turned to look at him. "Dabi", he said, frown settling on his face. "I know that part of this... deal, excuse, however you may call it, was that we could continue working together, but we both know that's not gonna work out. You're not about to give me any real information to endanger your people and I won't endanger mine. So I don't really see the point of us pretending to like each other for much longer."
This time, Dabi couldn't deny the pang in his chest. Quickly he schooled his face into his usual grin. "You're right of course, birdy. I'm sure we'll see each other again eventually~", he teased, plopping back down onto the bed.
Just before Hawks reached the door, he stopped and turned to look at the villain once again. "And to answer your question, I'm bisexual", he said before promptly leaving.
Dabi didn't move for a few seconds, staring up at the ceiling before he suddenly felt his stomach flip. He quickly rushed to the bathroom and threw up. "Fuck", he groaned, leaning against the toilet, not caring how unsanitary it was.
His whole body was shaking as he got up and wobbled over to the sink. He washed his mouth out and splashed cold water onto his face.
As he looked into the mirror, he nearly startled at the person staring back at him. His cheek bones were sunken in and even though he didn't have any eyebags anymore, he looked utterly exhausted. He looked spent.
Years ago, he had looked into the mirror and hated what he saw and now he would do anything to look like that again. To look... alive and healthy. To look human.
Even the eyes he hated so much now looked lifeless and empty, their color dull and muddy.
Before he knew what was happening, tears of blood started leaking from his skin grafts and he sank to the floor while laughs bubbled from his mouth. "I'm gonna die alone", he whispered, grin on his face as the blood kept flowing. "I'm gonna die and no one will care. I've got no one."
_____
How exactly had things turned out this way? That was a thought Dabi had often had in the past and he still thought about it even now. Little of the things that had happened to him seemed to make sense and none of them were fair.
The things his father did, everything that happened with Giran and everything that happened after, all of it was hazy but he clearly remembered one thing. Life was cruel.
Nowadays things were better. As long as he was high enough, he could tolerate his life. The league was nice for a bunch of crazy people. He even started considering some of them his friends, even though he still missed Magne a lot.
There was a lot he regretted. Not being able to protect her was one of those things. Not being able to kill his father and making that deal with Giran were also high up on that list. And though he didn't want to admit it, messing up whatever he had with Hawks was in the top ten as well. Dabi stared up at the ceiling of the bar the league occupanted while thinking about it.
"I'm such a fool", he mumbled to himself, lighting another cigarette. His eyes wandered through the room and eventually landed on Toga.
The girl was spinning around the room, dancing with Compress to whatever music was playing. Despite everything that had happened to her and despite the fact that she wasn't quite sane, she was still so full of life and happiness.
The girl looked over at him and grinned. "What'cha looking at, Dabi?", she asked, drawing his name out as she and Compress danced closer towards the sofa he was on.
"Nothing", he replied, matching grin on his face. "Just thought about how shitty life has been so far. Ain't youth supposed to be beautiful or something like that?"
Toga grabbed his legs and lifted them so she could sit down. Once seated, she put the man's legs on her lap. "Come on, how bad could it be?", she asked. "What did you do when you were my age?"
"Your age, huh?", The man parroted, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "Ah, yes, I remember. I became an arsonist and burned down my house in an attempt to kill myself and my father. Hmm, oh, yeah and then Giran helped me fake my death and I worked in his brothel... Though I think I might've already been 18 at the time."
"Giran owns a brothel?", Shigaraki asked from the bar counter, sounding surprised. "I thought he did money laundering through his job as a broker."
Dabi shrugged. "He's done a lot of things over the years. When I met him he owned a few brothels and sold drugs. Who knows what he does nowadays."
Toga hummed, before getting up again. "Yeah, you're right, your life sounds pretty messed up", she said with a smile, before walking off to dance, alone this time.
The other villain was left behind, not being able to do anything other than agree in his head.
_____
The air around him was cold, cooling down his always overheated skin. Dabi looked down the edge of the building he was on, cars seeming like little specks on a canvas.
A grin spread over his face as he spread his arms wide. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, waiting for gravity to do the work for him.
Suddenly someone grabbed the back of his shirt, yanking him back onto the roof with more force than necessary. "What the hell are you doing?", a familiar voice yelled.
Dabi whirled around and was faced with Hawks, looking at him in absolute bewilderment. "Why the fuck are you here?", Dabi snarled, adrenaline pumping through his veins and fueling his anger. "What the fuck did you just do?!"
"I saved your goddamn life, because I'm a hero, you suicidal maniac", Hawks countered, looking just as furious.
Dabi stepped forward and grabbed his collar. He could feel the blood seeping from his eyes. "I'm a villain, chicken little! Don't fucking go and save someone who is beyond redemption! Just let me kill myself in peace!", he yelled.
Hawks shrunk back a bit at the harsh words and looked away. "I just... I want to help you, Dabi."
A laugh ripped itself from Dabi's throat and he quickly pushed the hero away. "There is no saving me. Get that into your little pea brain and get over your fucking hero complex. I don't need you", he growled.
Before Hawks could reply anything, Dabi stormed off towards the stairs.
_____
"Don't you understand?!", Dabi yelled, water dripping down his face as he stared down his father. "The past never dies!"
"So why don't you come and dance in hell with your son! Just like I promised you all those years ago!"