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TRIGGER WARNINGS FROM HERE UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE! I WILL ANNOUNCE THEM IN CHAPTERS BUT IF I DON’T REMEMBER TO ANNOUNCE THEM PLEASE COMMENT SO I CAN EDIT IT ASAP!!!
Mentioned in this chapter: refusing to eat! Refusing to get out of bed! Self-hating thoughts.
AN: I’m tired of staring at this document and trying to see if I’ve missed anything. If I have missed a TW, lemme know... I can’t look at this anymore
Sterling jumped, looking around, she frowned. She knew where she was. Her head was hurting, a lot. She closed her eyes briefly and saw Blair staring at her as she reopened them.
”Hey,” Blair said softly, a soft sad smile on her face, tears on her cheeks. “There's my sister.”
”Not your sister, ” a voice said.
Sterling’s stomach dropped as she turned her head from where it was cradled in Blair’s lap.
”Dana?”
”Sterling, you okay? You're like... Very pale, ” Blair said, cupping Sterling’s cheek.
”We were just at home, drinking hot chocolate, talking to April. About me, remember?” Sterling asked, eyebrows creasing in confusion.
”Uh, Sterl? You’ve just been kidnapped… And then you fainted when we found out that… We’re not…”
”We are, ” Sterling said confidently, pushing herself to sit up. ”We always will be. We’re sisters. Nothing will change that, Blair.”
”Yeah?” Blair asked with tears in her eyes.
”Of course. You and me, always. Remember?” Sterling held a pinky out towards Blair.
Blair, with a watery laugh, hooked her pinky around Sterling’s.
”Hey, uh… Love this moment, but, the cops will be here any moment. You need to get out of here, ” Bowser said, snapping Sterling back into the moment.
”Right… Mum, ” Sterling looked to Debbie, completely ignoring Dana. ”Can I please go back to the lock-in… Please? I know I don't have a phone but-”
”I’ll come too?” Blair offered. There was no way that Blair was going to leave Sterling alone for a while.
”Really?”
Blair nodded.
The girls looked to Debbie and Anderson.
”Please?” They both asked, their eyes softening.
”Sure, if you both seriously want to go,” Debbie said nodding.
”Are you joking? I’m never letting Sterling out of my sight again.” Blair scoffed.
”Alright girls, in the car. Thank you, Bowser, ” Anderson said, shaking Bowser’s hand as Sterling, Blair and Debbie got into the car.
”𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑢𝑟𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝐴𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑢𝑚 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑎𝑑,” Sterling said once she’d gained Blair’s attention, thankful that just because they found out they weren't twins didn't mean their connection was severed.
Blair nodded. ”𝐴𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑙.” She opened her arms, letting Sterling know she was there for her.
Sterling slid closer and leaned against Blair as Anderson started driving back down the highway towards their school.
On the way to the school, Debbie had called Ellen, letting them know they were on their way to drop Blair off and Sterling as she’d forgotten something at home and needed to pick it up.
The teacher had said she’d wait by the door to let them in and by the time they’d gotten there after ducking home quickly to pick some things up for Blair, as Sterling had left almost everything of hers there earlier on, most of the scavenger hunt was finished.
Sterling grabbed her items and dragged them to a different room, away from everyone. Blair followed, dropping her stuff down.
”Hey, Sterl!” Luke called from one end of the hallway. ”I thought you were leaving.”
”I…”
”She came with our mum to come get me, Luke.” Blair informed him when he jogged over to them.
”Cool, wanna hang out tomorrow, Sterling?” He asked, smiling nervously as he reached to hold her hand.
”Look, Luke… I made a mistake,” Sterling said, not looking up to meet his eyes as she tucked her hands behind her back. ”I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm sorry. I thought that maybe I could force myself to feel something again, but I was wrong.”
”Oh, okay,” he said, his voice soft. She still didn't look up. She knew the face of absolute wounded puppy he’d be trying to pull.
”Why don't you go hang with April? Isn't that who you're sleeping beside anyway?”
”Well, yeah, I-”
”Well, yeah, nothing,” Blair snapped, frowning. ”Go!” Pointing away from them, watching as he all but ran to get away.
”You kissed him?” Blair asked in a growled whisper, pulling Sterling back into the room they were going to sleep in.
” I didn't mean to, April just broke up with me and I thought if I tried to start something with him, it would make her jealous. Also... he wanted to ask her out.”
”Wait… She… Oh, I'm going to punch her.”
”No, Blair, please don’t. She’s not worth it.”
”Not worth it? For hurting my sister? Anyone who hurts you deserves to get punched.”
”Blair, please, can we just… Sit? And talk?”
”Okay, ” Blair said, heaving out a sigh as she sat down.
Sterling sat on her sleeping bag and crossed her legs, leaning against the wall. ”when I passed out, I had a weird… I guess you could say it was a dream. It felt like weeks had gone by. You were kind of dating someone new.” Sterling didn’t want to say who incase Blair reacted differently to who it was now than she did in the ‘dream.’ “I was actually in a relationship with A-” Sterling stopped talking at the sound of people running by the room looking for more clues. ”She was practically living with us, we were both out to our parents and hers didn't take it as well. Her dad didn't at least, her mother was super nice. Her father called her grandmother from prison- oh my God, he’s out, by the way, home… That’s why she ended things tonight.”
”Woah, okay. This is a lot to take in… So then what?”
”Apparently I had an addiction to painkillers at one stage, ” Sterling said with a dry laugh. It wasn't a laughing matter, she hated drugs.
“What? You? Yeah right. Like that'll ever happen!”
“I know right? Crazy.”
The girls spent the rest of the night talking- well, Sterling talked. She talked about everything that happened in her ‘dream’.
“Oh,” Sterling whisper-yelled. “You were in a book club!”
Blair didn’t say anything, and Sterling almost took her silence for the fact that her sister had fallen asleep due to the late hour, but as the sun started to seep through the windows, Sterling saw a blank look on her sisters face.
“Oh god, you’re in a book club? Is it with April’s mother?”
“She’s actually pretty cool,” Blair said softly, shrugging as she yawned.
Sterling laughed, a genuine laugh, not a mocking one, and it made Blair start to laugh too.
“People are trying to sleep. Will you two be qui- I thought you left.”
Both girls looked at the door quickly at the sound of a voice and Blair was up quicker than Sterling could blink.
“You don’t get to tell her what to do, especially tonight,” Blair said, her voice low and dangerous, sending a chill down Sterling’s and April’s spines.
Sterling looked away from April and Blair, swallowing the tears that had started to form at the sight of the shorter teen.
Memories of her in the dream flooded her system and Sterling hiccups a sob before she pulled her knees to her chest and before Blair could move, she was being pushed aside by April- who was stronger than Blair thought.
“Are you okay?”
Sterling laughed bitterly, shaking her head as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
“Am I okay? Y-You practically dumped me, I got kidnapped, passed out after finding out my sister is actually my cousin and somehow dreamt that you and I were together for two weeks… am I okay? No… I’d rather be in the reality where I was apparently addicted to painkillers because it was hurting a whole lot less than seeing you right now.”
“Sterling,” Blair said, coming over to her sister. “Please don’t even joke about that.”
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry, Blair.”
“Kidnapped?” April asked, processing what Sterling had told her. “You were kidnapped?”
“April, you need to go. You’re only upsetting her more. You’ve caused enough pain to last a lifetime, stay out of our way or I’ll make your life hell,” Blair said, holding Sterling close as she knelt beside her sister.
April stood and backed away slowly, swallowing the pain that had lodged itself in her throat. It was her fault that Sterling had been kidnapped. If she had just saved her a spot, Sterling wouldn’t have left and she wouldn’t have been kidnapped.
That’s what April believed. That’s what was going through her mind. That it was all her fault.
Sterling didn’t go to school for the rest of the week after that, Blair stayed home with her, and their parents didn’t fight them on Sterling’s want to stay home. They didn’t fight them on Blair staying with her. Blair was moodier than usual, Sterling was quieter than usual, Debbie and Anderson were more concerned than usual.
Sterling barely touched her food when it came time to eat, she mostly pushed it around her plate.
It had been a week exactly when Debbie had had enough of the difference in the households mood. “Do you two have any questions?” She asked.
“I do,” Sterling said. “How did you get me?”
“Well, we were home what-” Debbie looked at Anderson. “Two days?” He nodded. “I’d just put Blair down for a nap when Dana knocked on the door, your father had gone to the store to get some groceries… Dana said she’d had you, handed me your birth certificate with our names on it. She’d lied and said she was me. She handed you to me and left.”
“And what, she suddenly wanted me back?” Sterling asked, frowning.
“I don’t think so, I think she was using you as leverage to get more money.”
“Oh.”
Blair let out a noise of disgust and stood, taking her plate with her, scraping the last few bites into Chloe’s bowl before stacking her plate with the dirty dishes.
“Let me know when I need to do the dishes, I need to check my emails to see if I have homework.”
Sterling watched her sister leave and her heart sank.
She thought about how different of a situation the other her would be in right now if she hadn't fainted … if the other her was the real her- but without the painkiller addiction. She did not like that.
She frowned, sitting up straighter.
“Was Dana a drug addict?”
Debbie choked on a sip of her drink.
“Wh-What makes you ask that, dear?”
“Was she?” Sterling pressed.
“She was addicted to painkillers, and had a nasty smoking habit.”
Sterling nodded.
“I’m not hungry, may I be excused please?”
“Of course, dear. Think about school, it’s important, okay?”
“Yes ma’am,” Sterling said with a nod, taking her plate to the kitchen. She stopped by Chloe’s dish, emptying her food onto it before rinsing her plate so it wouldn’t be a bitch to clean for Blair and set it under Blair’s.
Slowly making her way upstairs, Sterling stopped by her desk, grabbing her laptop before taking it to her bed, her charger thankfully reaching all the way to the pillows.
She opened up a search bar and frowned as she searched her brain for things that were said in her dream.
She looked up as she sensed someone at her doorway and gave a small smile. “Hey.”
“What’re you doing?” Blair asked, slowly moving into the room.
“Thinking- what’s that music app you were talking about at one stage?”
“Pandora? YouTube? Soundcloud?”
Sterling shook her head at all of the answers.
“Spotify?”
“Oh! That’s it,” Sterling typed into the search bar.
“Here, you can join my account,” Blair said as she pulled her phone out, sending a link through to Sterling’s emails.
“Open your emails and click the link.”
“Okay?” Doing as told, Sterling loaded up her emails and her eyes widened at the multiple unread emails from school, April, even one from Garrett who’d helped them in Nandina.
“What’s that?” Blair asked, pointing to the one from Garrett.
Shrugging, Sterling clicked on it and waited for it to load. “Information on Dana, he apparently did some more searching after we got off the phone - Nothing came up on mum cause it was all Dana. She burnt the clinic.”
“Wow, evil.”
“Yeah, crazy.” Sterling typed a quick reply to him, thanking him for his help, letting him know Dana was now in jail.
She scrolled back to the top of her emails and clicked on the one Blair just sent her, ignoring every other email.
She wanted to know what April had said, but not with Blair there. Not with her ready to groan and grumble.
Clicking the link, Sterling set up an account via all the prompts the link sent her through and sighed with relief as the account was finally set up.
“Why didn’t you use your name?” Blair asked, noticing Sterling only used the name ‘Wesley’.
Sterling shrugged. “I don’t want people to see my music taste, it’s not as good as yours.”
“Aw, you do listen to me, Sterls,” Blair said, smiling happily.
“Blair,” Debbie called up the stairs. “Dishes please.”
“Coming,” Blair called out, kissing the side of Sterling’s head. “Why don’t you make some playlists and when we get the rest of the money from helping catch Dana, we’ll get you a new phone so you can have good music on it.”
“Yeah, sure. Weird that Bowser still hasn’t been paid yet,” Sterling said with a frown.
“It is a big one, must be taking time to process.”
On Monday morning, Sterling woke at ten, stretching with a sigh before glancing over at her clock. She had no energy to do anything she reached for the phone that Blair had gone out and gotten for her the day before as the money from Bowser had finally come in.
She frowned when she saw a message from Blair on her screen from seven in the morning.
“ Is it still morning for you? Eh, whatever… morning, sis! I went back to school today. I actually missed it, weird right? I’ll miss you a lot. See you this afternoon, message me if you want me to bring home anything for you, I might even run by and see Bowser. Love you. Made mum and dad promise not to bother you at all. Take your time feeling ready to do whatever you want. ”
Sterling rolled back over, unplugging her phone.
She logged into her Spotify and loaded up the playlist she’d made the night before, plugging her headphones in as she pressed play, closing her eyes once more.
Sterling woke again to the feeling of something on top of her and she opened her eyes slowly, groaning when she couldn’t move. “Blair.”
“What?”
“Can’t move,” Sterling said, trying to shift out from under her sisters tight embrace.
“Oh, sorry… mum said you never came out of your room today,” Blair said as she moved off of Sterling. “You okay?”
“I’m just tired, can I go back to sleep please?”
“Sure, I put your phone on charge, it was on two percent when I came in earlier.”
“Thanks,” Sterling said as she tilted her head to look up at her alarm clock. It was just after five in the afternoon. She didn’t mean to sleep all day, she just couldn’t manage to keep her eyes open.
“You want me to bring you something to eat?”
“No, I just want to sleep,” Sterling said as she rolled away from her sister and pulled the blankets up over her head.
“Sterl,” Blair murmured, sounding broken.
“Blair, please… just let me sleep… I just… I just want to sleep,” Sterling said, her voice tired, emotionally and physically drained.
“April hasn’t been seen since the lock-in.”
“She’s probably with her family,” Sterling said, shrugging, forcing herself to not thing of the shorter teen. She’d tried so hard not to think of April. It had worked until now.
“Not even Hannah or Ezekiel has heard from her. She hasn’t even been on the schools forums to collect or hand in homework.”
“Okay, cool. Neither have I, what’s your point, Blair?”
“I think somethings wrong, Sterling. I think I fucked up by yelling at her at the lock-in.”
“Well, I’m sure she’ll sort it out. She’s a big girl. You’ve never cared before, why start now?”
“Because I can see that you love her, Sterling. More than you loved Luke.”
“Blair,” Sterling said with a sigh, her voice groggy. “Please, let me sleep.”
“Fine, but I’m coming back to force you to eat and drink something at dinner time.”
“Just leave me alone, please? I’m fine. I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”
Blair stood, sighing. “Okay, I’m sorry. I love you, Sterl.”
“Love you too,” Sterling said softly.
Before leaving, Blair leaned down, pressing a kiss to the lump of blankets where Sterling’s head was.
At the sound of the door clicking shut, Sterling pulled her head out from underneath the blankets and reached into her bedside drawer. She blindly felt around before grabbing out her Bluetooth headphones and connected them to her phone after a little stuffing around. Once connected, she stuck them on her head and put the playlist back on, closing her eyes again.
Ever since waking up at the trailer park with her head on Blair’s lap, Sterling hadn’t been able to dream of the other reality, memories or moments and it had been driving her insane.
She missed it.
She missed being close with April.
She missed being beside her at night, and in the morning, and always being on a call with her.
It physically hurt Sterling’s heart whenever she woke and she was stuck in this reality without April. Without her happiness.
She felt her tears start to fall again and pulled the blankets back over her head, sniffling as she cried herself to sleep once more.