Chapter Text
Scott calls Tessa early in the morning to check up on her and the kids.
“You’re home tonight?” She asks.
“Home tonight.” He confirms.
“Good.” She says, and he raises his brow.
“Oh yeah?” He asks, a sly smile on his face. “You miss me?”
“I could use um… some help relaxing.” She says softly.
Scott feels the telltale prickle of heat in his lower belly. “You should’ve told me sooner.” He says.
She scoffs, “Not sure how you’d be much help a thousand miles away.” She says.
“I’d fly home to fuck you.” He says blatantly and Tessa giggles much to his delight.
“Oh would you?” She asks. “Somehow I don’t think your athletes would be very happy with you.”
“They’ve seen you, they’d understand.” He shoots back.
“Very smooth this morning, aren’t we?” Tessa says, amused, a girlish smile on her face.
“Nah.” Scott says. “I just call it like I see it. But seriously, call me. I’ll talk you through it like we used to do, eh?” He’s grinning through his teeth at the prospect of phone sex. It’s something they haven’t done in a while.
“Is that daddy?!” Scott suddenly hears in the background. It’s their youngest - Noah. “I wanna say hi!” He exclaims, and Scott can hear Tessa’s sharp inhale and the phone rustling and he knows Noah climbed up into her lap, which under normal circumstances would be fine, but the boys tend to be a bit rough and Tessa had pulled a muscle in her back breaking up a fight between their oldest, Connor and their middle child, Peter, just last week. She’s been a bit tender since.
“Hey buddy.” Scott says, and hears Noah breathing heavily. He imagines he’d just been running around. He’s quite a little ball of energy. He reminds Scott of himself as a kid, and feels badly that Tessa’s dealing with that on her own.
“Hi, daddy!” Noah says in that way that melts his heart. “I made mud castles in the yard this morning!”
He hears Tessa sigh and can imagine what she went through to get him cleaned up. He smiles to himself at the thought of her covered in mud, trying to wrestle Noah into the bath.
“Oh, boy. That sounds fun.” Scott says. “I wish I could’ve helped.”
“You can when you come home!” Noah says enthusiastically.
It kind of hurts Scott to hear. He feels like they have to say things like that too often.
“Sure thing, pal.” He says.
“Mumma found a worm in the mud.” He says.
And Scott raises his brow, wishing he were there to see that. Tessa, digging around in the mud?
He hopes more than anything that she’s taking things as easy as she can on her back.
“Hey remember what we said about mummy?”
“Yeah.” Noah says. He pulls himself up onto his knees and turns himself so he’s kneeling on Tessa’s thighs and pats her on the chest. “Gentle with mummy. I am. Right, mumma?” He looks up at her with his big brown eyes and Tessa can’t resist giving him a squeeze. “My gentle little hurricane.” Tessa says fondly.
And Scott smiles softly. He knows it’s the best they can hope for.
“Can I say hi?” It’s Peter’s now.
“Hi dad.” He says in that levelheaded voice he has. He’s only six but seems so much older than that… most times. Truthfully, he and Tessa have been concerned about his behaviour for a little while now as he tends to get extremely upset when any part of his day doesn’t go according to plan, and not only that but there’s a million little quirks about him that seem to be becoming more prevalent issues lately. Tessa worries herself sick over it but Scott tries his best to reel her in. It’s probably just a phase.
“Hey, Petey.” He says. “I miss you.”
“You’re coming home tonight, right?”
“That’s right.” He says. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Will you read my Wally the Whale book with me?” He asks.
Scott laughs. “Sure, you got it, kiddo.”
“Cool.” He says, rotely, like he’s reciting a line. He copies Connor, their oldest’s slang much of the time.
“Cool.” Scott says back, chuckling.
“Mum! We have to go!” Scott hears Connor yelling.
“Be right down, Conn!” Tessa shouts back.
“We’re going to be late.” Peter says into the phone.
“Alright, hey, Pete,” Scott says. “Put mum back on, ok?”
“Honey, let me say bye to daddy.” He hears Tessa say to Peter, but it’s too late as he’s already hung up the phone.
Scott takes a deep breath, wincing at how quiet it is all of a sudden. He misses the chaos of home. He shuts off his phone and then hit the lock button so he can look at the picture of Tess and the kids he has as his Lock Screen. “Bye, babe.” He says to the smiling Tessa on his screen. He pokes her nose and then he feels pathetic. He opens up his phone and texts her just because he wants her to know:
I love you.
Tessa texts back a minute later: ♥️
He knows she loves him and even more, he knows she’s busy but he wishes she’d type out the words. He really feels like he needs to hear them today.
He sighs and gets up, resolving to call her back later. He gets ready for the competition, which should be rather easy. His athletes are more than ready. He’s proud of them and proud of the work they put in. He loves coaching but he wishes it didn’t take him away from home so often.
It used to be easy - Tessa would normally be here with him. She coached as well, but when she got pregnant with Noah she had a really hard time between morning sickness and being exhausted all the time, and then eventually being ordered on bed rest, which had been a nightmare. Anyway, it all got to be too much and Scott had just taken over. It was only supposed to be for the time being but things just kind of snowballed and the boys needed her home, so home is where she stayed. She’d do anything for the boys and Scott loves her so much for that, but sometimes he feels guilty for the sacrifices she’s made when he still gets to coach. She’d always been the more ambitious one. Maybe he should be the one home now instead.
Not to mention all the trouble recently with Peter. Well, it’s not so much a recent thing as an ongoing thing, but it seems to be getting worse lately.
He truthfully has no idea what’s going on with his son, and of course Tessa knows this so she all but ignores any of Scott’s attempts at comforting her.
Peter has always been a tough kid - he’d cried for ages as a baby, driven he, Tessa, and even Connor up a wall with his wailing. It had probably hit Tessa the hardest. He remembers her sobbing, feeling like such a failure that she didn’t know how to help him. It had completely shattered Scott to see her that way.
Then, as he got older, Peter would complain about strange things - he had to have all the tags on his clothes completely removed or they irritated him to the point where he’d just rip them off in public. He couldn’t stand texture of certain foods - he was so averse, in fact, that he’d thrown up on several occasions where he was made to eat something he didn’t like. He didn’t like to play with other kids, either, not even his own brothers, really. He had a hard time socialising, had a hard time relating to others. Tessa works her hardest on this, always explains why she’s feeling a certain way or spells out people’s behaviours to him to help him better understand.
Scott’s not always as patient, and Tessa sometimes gets angry with him when he’s short with Peter about certain things. She definitely has a special bond with him and Scott’s glad for it, but he does wish he were there to help her more often, and he wishes he had the patience that she does.
It’s hard to read Peter’s emotions most of the time, but there are two things that he makes blindingly obvious - he loves any and everything about the ocean, especially whales, and he absolutely adores his mother. He finds tremendous comfort in her and her ability to help him navigate the world in a way that he seems to better understand.
Tessa’s been pressuring Scott about taking Peter to a developmental psychologist to see if there’s anything more they should be doing to help him, but Scott’s averse to the idea. He thinks things are fine as they are. He doesn’t see Peter struggling per se - he’s so smart and so very happy much of the time. The only real issue is his tantruming and possibly his socialisation, both of which Scott thinks are likely just a phase.
When he gets home that night, exhausted from a long plane ride and the excitement of his athletes winning the competition, all he wants is to hug his kids and kiss his wife, but as soon as he opens the front door he can tell the mood is off.
Tessa’s leaned over the kitchen island with her head in her hands, looking completely exasperated, the boys nowhere to be seen.
“Hey.” He says, dropping his bag in the hall and walking toward her as she lifts her head from her hands and offers him a smile. He can tell she’s been crying.
He opens his arms for her and she steps into his embrace, hugging him back weakly.
“Come here, I missed you.” He says, taking her face in his hands and pressing kisses to her cheeks and lips. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asks.
She blushes like she hadn’t meant for it to be obvious that there was something wrong.
She sighs and shakes her head. “Peter hit one of his classmates today.” She says. “Conner lied about finishing his homework and Noah broke the lamp in the living room.”
Scott huffs a laugh and Tessa looks up at him, bristling. “It’s not funny.” She says, sharply, obviously hurt.
“No, I’m sorry, I just… I mean they’re just little boys, that’s what boys do.”
Tessa stares at him like she’s trying her best not to snap. “That’s not acceptable behaviour.” She says, her voice breaking. “Violence and lying and explicitly disobeying us when we’ve told them not to play hockey in the house… And how dare you write it off like it’s nothing when you aren’t the one who has to deal with teachers calling you in or sweeping up glass shards or teaching them why these things are wrong.”
Scott drops his hands from her waist and steps back nodding. “Yeah.” He says. “No, you’re right. If I were here-“
“But you’re not here.” She says. “I’m here.”
“T.” Scott says, painfully. “I would be here if I could.”
She runs a hand through her hair with an exasperated sigh. “I know.” She says, nodding but fixing her eyes on the ground. “I know that, I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Scott sighs, not really sure what to do next. “So the boys are…”
“Up in their rooms.” Tessa informs him. “In time out. For ten more minutes.”
“Okay.” He says. “Hey, um… tomorrow do you think you’d want to come to the rink for a while?” He thinks maybe it would be good for her to start coming back once in a while - if she wants to. And the athletes would certainly benefit from it.
She looks up at him and winces. “I made Peter an appointment for tomorrow.” She says. “With a child psychologist.”
Scott drops his shoulders. “Tess, I told you, it’s just a phase-“
“It’s not a phase Scott, he’s been like this his whole life.”
“Like what?” He asks, raising his voice slightly as he finds himself feeling defensive, as if he needs to defend Peter from Tessa, the woman who loves him more than anything in the whole world.
“Scott, I don’t want to get into an argument. It’s not going to hurt him to go.”
“You don’t know that!” He says. “And why didn’t you involve me in the conversation? I’m just as invested as you, you know.”
“Of course I know that.” She says through her teeth. “That’s why I don’t understand your hesitancy.”
“There’s nothing wrong!” He says, louder than he intends to and he sees her step back.
“Well if there’s not then we’ll have good news tomorrow.” She says.
“When were you even going to tell me about this?” He asks, irritated. “How long ago did you make the appointment?”
“I really don’t think that’s important.” She says.
“No, it is.” He shoots back. “It is because they’re our kids, Tess, and if I don’t want him going I think that should be taken just as seriously as the fact that you do!”
“I take your concerns very seriously.” Tessa says, “But I take the health of our son more seriously and I don’t see the big deal about taking him. I’m concerned, Scott and I think he’s exhibiting some-“
“You think, what?” He interrupts more aggressively than he’d meant to. “You think because you took a few psychology courses back when we were basically teenagers that you can diagnose him with something?”
“Excuse me? She says, her eyes widening, and he can’t believe he’d spoken to her that way. He’s not sure what’s come over him.
“I’m sorry.” He says quickly.
“No, I’m sorry.” Tessa says. “I’m sorry that we can’t have a conversation about our son without getting into an argument and I’m sorry that you’re so worried that there might be something going on that you’d prefer to just sweep it under the rug rather than helping him.”
“I’d do anything to help him.” Scott argues, feeling himself get hot. “I just-“ He waves his arms. “I wanted to come back to my family because I missed them. I didn’t have a fight in mind.”
“Well then I’m sorry I haven’t kept things as perfectly as you might have liked while you were away.” She says sarcastically and he scoffs. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh no?” She asks. “What did you mean, then?”
“I feel like I can’t even talk to you.” He says, shaking his head.
“Scott I’m trying!” She shouts, clearly at the end of her rope. “You just -“
“I know, I make things hard.” He says. “Here, let me simplify.” He plucks his keys off the island and heads for the door.
“Where are you going?” He asks.
“Just getting out of your hair for a while longer. Maybe you can make some more appointments while I’m gone.” He says harshly and slams the door behind him.
“Scott?” Tessa’s voice is sleepy and Scott feels badly now that he’s woken her. Not only that but he’s not in the mood for more fighting. He feels completely gutted as he always does when he and Tessa fight, but it rarely gets to the point it got today. Scott knows he’s wrong - there really is no good argument for not taking Peter to a specialist, he just feels that taking him to someone is admitting that there’s something wrong with Peter, and that’s just not true. He probably should have just said it that way to Tessa. He’s sure she would have understood that, but he’d been so heated in the moment that they’d just screamed at each other. Things were hard. It was hard to see Peter upset all the time, frustrated that he can’t communicate the way he wants, or when schedules change or when things push the limits of his flexibility. It’s hard to watch Tessa cry herself to sleep at night worrying over him, hard to see Connor and Noah missing their parent’s attention when Peter has an episode, hard to handle going out in public when something goes awry, hard be away when he knows all this is happening. He supposes Peter is struggling. But he's still so young, Scott still holds onto hope that he’ll grow out of it all one day… but Tessa’s right. It doesn’t hurt to bring him to see someone. Scott understands that now.
“Yeah, it’s me.” Scott says softly in the darkness. Ten minutes ago he’d come home from the bar he’d ended up at. He’s not proud of the way he stormed out on his wife, leaving her with three kids to take care of on her own for even longer, and he’s even less proud of the way he’d spoken to her. She hadn’t deserved any of that.
He’d had a miserable time at the bar. He saw guys there who were likely there every single night, and Scott realised quickly how much he’d rather be home with his family.
By the time he got back, the kids were in bed, as was Tessa. Scott had considered sleeping on the sofa, but he didn’t want to be one of those couples. He didn’t want to leave issues unresolved. And at the end of the day he wants to hold his wife while he falls asleep. Especially if she’s upset. Especially if he’s the reason she’s upset.
Tessa doesn’t respond to him, but he makes his way over to her anyway. She’s stubborn and he’s learned that he can’t hold that against her. If she’s going to be stubborn then he’s actively not going to be.
He kneels down at the side of the bed and can see her face is streaked with tears.
“Hey, T.” He says quietly, lowering his lips to her cheek. “Please don't cry. I’m sorry.”
Tessa sniffles and Scott runs an hand down her back. She’s warm under the blankets.
“I’m sorry I left and I'm sorry for the way I acted.”
“Didn’t think you were coming back.” Tessa says softly, wiping at her cheek. It’s the truth. He’d been so upset she was sure he would spend the night at his brother’s.
“‘Course I came back.” Scott says, his expression darkening at the thought that she thought he might not have.
He presses his forehead to hers and strokes her hair. “I never want to leave you.” He whispers to her. “Any of you. No matter how tough it gets. I’m sorry about walking out. That wasn’t fair to you. None of this is fair to you.”
Tessa’s lip quivers. “I’m just so scared.” She squeaks, her voice breaking as new tears flow from her eyes. “I just… I just really need you right now, ok? I just need you to be on my side.”
Scott squeezes his eyes shut tightly. He can feel his own tears threatening to fall. “I’m always on your side, Tess.” He says, stroking her cheek. “I’m right here.”
She closes her eyes and wraps an arm around his neck, her hand knotting in her hair.
“I know.” Scott says, fighting the lump in his throat. “Shh. I know. I’m right here, ok? I’m right here with you.”
He feels something scratchy on his neck and realises it’s a bandage on Tessa’s wrist. He takes her arm in his hand and pulls back slightly to get a better look.
“It’s nothing.” She says softly. “I just have to trim his nails tomorrow.”
Scott can imagine what happened. In fact, he’s sure he knows exactly what happened. He was supposed to read Petey a story before bedtime as he’d told him he would over the phone that morning, and since he wasn’t there, he knows Petey thew a fit and scratched his mum. Probably got her pretty good judging from the size of the bandage. She got him to bed somehow, though, because she’s Tess and she can do anything and Scott feels horrible.
“Come here.” Scott says. “Come here. Right now.”
He pushes himself up and squeezes himself into the space between Tessa and the edge of the mattress, quickly taking her in his arms and letting her press her face into the crook of his neck while he holds her wrist and presses a kiss to the bandage.
“I’m sorry.” He says quietly. And then again, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Tess. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. There was no excuse for that… I’m just… I’m worried sick too, and I don’t know what to do. I just thought maybe if we tried really hard we could fix it… I just…” He pulls her tighter. “I just wanted to make everything ok but… I know I can’t.” He sighs, defeated, shaking his head. “You were right to make the appointment.”
Tessa takes a long, shaking breath. “I’m sorry too.”
“No.” Scott says quietly, his lips against her forehead. “You were right. You are right. I’m with you. I’m on your side.” He never wants her to feel like he’s not and he can’t let their son go around hurting people, especially women, especially his mother. “We’re going to that appointment.” He says.
Tessa nods and sniffles.
They’re silent for a minute before Tessa asks, “What if something’s wrong?”
Scott shakes his head. “He’s Peter. No matter what happens, he’s Peter. He’s perfect.”
Tessa exhales deeply and nods.
And, as if on cue, Peter pushes open the door and pads inside, his little feet soft on the hardwood floor.
Scott looks up but doesn’t let go of Tessa, who’s still pressed tightly to his chest, facing away from the door so she can’t see him.
“Daddy?” Peter asks, rubbing his eyes, clearly having just woken up.
“Hi, buddy.” Scott says, and Tessa cranes her neck to see him.
“You weren’t here to read to me.” Peter says, and it shatters Scott’s heart. “You said you would read to me.”
“I know, kiddo. I’m so sorry. I was… late. I’m here now, okay? I’m back.”
“I did a bad thing.” Peter says in a small voice. “I made mumma cry.”
“Yeah.” Scott sighs. “Me too. That’s why I’m giving her big hugs and kisses to say I’m sorry.”
Peter watches his parents for a moment.
“Mumma?” He says after a moment.
Tessa pushes herself up and turns to him. “What is it, baby?” Tessa asks, all the sweetness and adoration in the world in her voice. “Did you have a nightmare?”
Peter shakes his head and pads over to the bed until he’s right beside it, face to face with Tessa.
He leans forward and kisses Tessa gently on the nose. “I’m sorry, mumma.” He says. “Mumma, I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Tessa’s voice breaks, right along with her heart for what feels like the hundredth time that day. She’d never imagined being a mother would give her a jigsaw puzzle heart - broken apart all the time only to be put back together by the very people who destroyed it.
She wraps her arms around Peter and hugs him tightly, stroking his soft hair. “I love you so much, Peter.” She says softly.
Scott clears his throat. “But what have we said about hurting people? You know that’s very, very wrong, Pete.”
Peter hangs his head. “I know.” He says, his voice breaking just like his mother’s had.
“It’s not the same as using your words. You know that, right?” Scott says.
Peter nods and then reaches for Tessa’s wrist. “Kiss?” He asks, cocking his head.
Tessa’s lip quivers as she holds back more tears and just nods.
Peter kisses the bandage gently and Tessa folds him into her arms, lifting him up onto the bed.
“Thank you, baby.” She whispers to him as she rocks him. This is part of what makes everything going on with him so hard. It’s like when he’s upset he’s not himself. It’s someone else, and when they have their little Peter back he’s the sweetest little thing anyone could imagine.
“Are you mad?” Peter asks Tessa quietly and Tessa shakes her head. “I’m not mad.” She tells him.
Scott lets her hold him for a while longer before offering to read him a story. “I’m sorry I forgot, bud.” He says. “I never want to do that again.”
Peter nods and takes his father’s hand to lead him back to his room for a story. Scott turns to Tessa and gives her a small smile as he leaves the room. She offers one back.
He reads Peter his favourite Wally the Whale book and gets him snuggled up in bed. “I love you, buddy.” He tells his son.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah?” Scott replies.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her.” He says quietly, still ruminating on it.
Scott tightens his lips and strokes his son’s hair. “I know.” He tells him. “And she knows that, too. We just need to think about how we’re expressing ourselves.” He sighs and thinks that’s probably too complicated a concept for his young son. “I mean… when we get angry, we need to tell people with our words, okay? That way mummy and I or your teacher, or anyone, can know what’s wrong and help you find ways to make it better. If you told mummy why you were mad, do you know what she would have done?”
“Read to me.” Peter answers.
Scott smiles and nods.
“But you were supposed to read to me.” He says.
Scott winces. “Yeah, I know. But sometimes plans change and we have to be flexible. Mummy would have read you the same book, and she does Wally’s voice better than I do.”
Peter nods. “That’s because women have higher frequency voices than men do. Closer to whale frequency.” He says, and Scott raises his eyebrows. Perhaps self expression isn’t too complicated a concept. Sometimes he forgets just how smart Peter is.
“So there will be times when plans change, but we can always work out a way to make that positive.” Scott tells him.
Peter nods slightly, and Scott decides to leave it at that tonight. He kisses Peter on the forehead and tells him he loves him, slipping from the room after flicking on his whale night light.
He thinks Tessa is asleep when he gets back to his room, so he climbs carefully into bed and presses up against her back as close as he can manage without stirring her. He just wants to feel her warmth.
“Is he ok?” She asks, and her voice takes him by surprise, but he smiles because of course she stayed up, concerned about Peter.
Scott rests a hand on her hip, rubbing it in circles. “He’s good, babe.” He kisses her shoulder. “Are you?”
“I’m ok.” She says quietly, her hand finding his on her hip and pulling it up to her chest so she can hold it, pressing him even closer to her.
“I missed you.” He whispers in her ear, nuzzling the soft spot just behind it with his nose. “I missed you so much, Tess.”
“Me too. I’m so glad you’re back.” She hugs his arm close to her.
“I’m here.” He tells her. “We’re going to get through this, T. Together, right?”
“Together.” She repeats, nodding and looking back at him so that she can press her lips to his.