Archive of Our Own

i need you more than i should ever say. 

They thought that they had done it. They thought that because they had aced their history report, Ted wouldn’t be sent to Alaska, but apparently it wasn’t enough because afterwards Captain Logan had pulled him aside and said that it didn’t change anything. Bill remembers watching his face fall from that excited grin to the most devastated expression he’s ever seen.

He helps Ted pack his bags before they go back to his house. Captain Logan is going to pick Ted up in the morning to take him to the airport and then he’ll be gone. At least he let him spend his last night in San Dimas at Bill’s, though Bill thinks that’s more to get him out of the house sooner than any real compassion. Maybe Bill’s too critical of him but he thinks he should be given his track record.

They try to do things they normally do – listen to music, play their guitars and whatever else they can think of. In the end, everything falls flat and they just end up laying side-by-side on Bill’s bed with the TV playing in the background.

Bill knows they should be doing something. Something more than just quietly laying beside each other but everything pales in comparison to the looming threat of Ted’s departure. So Bill’s just going to try to savour the moment, staring up at his popcorn ceiling, the light from the television beginning to wash the room in colour as the sun sets and they don’t bother to turn on the lights, the sounds of MTV washing over them and the warmth of Ted right beside him.

He hates this, hates the tension in the air, the dread, the most heinous feeling resting like a pile of stones in his gut and the prickling behind his eyes that comes and goes. But at the same time, he never wants this to end. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to Ted ever .

Bill wishes he could hold Ted’s hand. Usually, he would, but something about the moment doesn’t feel right, so he folds his hands together over his stomach and watches the room darken.

"I wish we could leave." Ted's voice comes out as a whisper some time later, Bill doubts he would have heard him if they hadn’t been so close.

He turns on his side to face him and, at the movement, Ted does as well. They stare at each other, both frightened and devastated and Bill wishes he could reach out and hold his best friend – move the hair out of his face to get a proper look at him, cup his jaw in his hands, wrap his arms around him, hold onto the fabric of his jacket to make him stay, anything .

But he doesn't move. He doesn't know if he can, fear and worry constructing his lungs and his muscles and making him shake ever so slightly.

"Yeah, dude," he says, voice just as quiet. "Me too."

Ted grabs his hand, wrapping it in both of his and holding tight. He doesn't look at Bill, just down at his hand in his as he repeats, "I wish we could just leave."

Bill nods. His eyes burn.

If only they could leave. He has a driver's license, but no car and no money for a bus, so they would be left with hitchhiking or running on foot. He'd do either, gladly, if he thought they could outrun everyone that way, but he doesn't. He knows he could never outrun a car because he once tied a skateboard to the back of his dad's and had been terrified by the speed before he'd tumbled off and broke both his arms. He knows Ted couldn't either because he'd tried chasing the car that had sent Bill to summer camp when they were thirteen and had only lasted about a minute.

If only they could take a car–

"Dude," he says and Ted looks back up to his face, "we could take Missy's car."

Ted looks most dubious at this idea. "Can we?"

Bill sits up, pulling him up with him. "Yeah! I have my license and I know where Missy keeps her keys. I'll just leave her a note apologizing and we can totally go."

Ted frowns, not because he doesn't like the idea, but because he's thinking about it.

"I don't know, Bill..." he pulls his legs up to his chest. "I wish we could but what about my dad? He would most definitely be able to find us."

"Not if we go somewhere they'll never think we'd go to," he insists. "We could find some small place on the east coast to stay until we're in the clear."

"And we could totally work on the band!" Ted adds, excited now. "We just have to get out of California before my dad's supposed to pick me up."

Bill checks the alarm clock on his bedside table. It’s a little after midnight. "We've got like six hours. We could totally do that."

Ted’s doing that excited grin of his. “We could! We most definitely could!”

“Ted, my most esteemed colleague, can you pack a bag for me while I go get Missy’s keys and get our guitars into the car.”

“Absolutely, Bill, my most excellent friend!”

They leap off the bed, hands coming apart as Ted goes for Bill’s closet and Bill goes for his door. He has complete confidence that Ted will pack exactly what he wants and needs and, when he sneaks out of his room as quietly as he can, he can’t help smiling. They’re going to be free and together and safe .

He finds the keys in the glass bowl on the kitchen counter. As quietly as he can, he slides the car key off the chain, wincing each time the metal clatters together or hits the bowl.

Then, he writes out a note to Missy on one of the notepads his dad keeps in the living room. He leaves it out on the kitchen counter, knowing that his dad won’t look there, which is good because as much as Bill’s dad doesn’t like Captain Logan, he’s pretty sure he’d still call him to let him know their sons ran away with a stolen car.

It’s a pretty short letter that just reads;

Missy Mom, sorry we took your car, we’ll bring it back when we can. Don’t tell Dad or Captain Logan that we left.

He considers adding something along the lines of ‘ I’ll miss you ’ or ‘You’ve been a most excellent mom ,’ but doesn’t have the time to make a decision on the matter as he hears the sound of the stairs creek. He doesn’t think it’s been long enough for Ted to have packed yet, so he turns off the lamp and crouches down in the corner of the kitchen, hiding in a dark spot that he hopes will conceal him in case it isn’t his friend.

“Bill?”

The voice is a whisper, but it’s quite clearly Missy’s. Bill freezes and pushes himself further into the corner, hoping that she doesn’t come over here.

“Ted?”

Bill can hear her walking closer and does his best to hold his breath and quiet his heartbeat because it’s thundering in his chest and she most certainly can hear it. He closes his eyes and waits.

“Bill.”

He cracks an eye open to see Missy standing in front of him, arms crossed, dressed in a tank top and sweatpants and looking concerned. He sighs and she crouches down in front of him.

“Bill,” she repeats, “what are you doing down here?”

“I, uh – getting snacks, you know, for me and Ted.” He knows it’s a bad excuse. If it had been for snacks he wouldn’t have hidden and would have about twenty different bags of chips in his arms.

She gives a look that quite clearly communicates that she knows he’s lying and wants to know the truth. Bill glances over to where he knows the note is, but quickly corrects his gaze so he’s looking at the floor instead.

Missy gets to her feet and then Bill, slowly, does the same, wrapping his arms tightly around himself as he watches her walk over to where the note is and grab it.

It feels like an instant and an eternity before she turns back to him and says, “You’re leaving?”

“We have to,” he says.

She looks down at the note in her hand, then the key in his, then back up at him and at the note again. She nods. “Well, you’re not gonna get very far without any money for food and gas.”

“Oh.” Bill’s chest clenches and he can’t breathe. “I guess – you’re right.” He feels tears welling in his eyes. They wouldn’t even have managed to get away even if Missy hadn’t found him, would they? They would run out of gas and be found on the side of some highway. 

He looks down at the floor, he feels the key digging into his ribs and he hates the way his breathing has turned shaky and shallow. He squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable scolding. Missy has always been nice and understanding, but he’s pretty sure trying to steal her car to run away crosses a line or two.

“I think...” Missy says slowly. “I think I have some money around here.”

Bill’s eyes fly open, staring at her in surprise. “You do?”

She nods. “You keep getting ready, I’ll just grab a few things.”

He can’t believe this. Missy is helping them? He thought she’d be cool enough to keep it a secret, but he hadn’t thought she would help . 

Bill shakes himself and thanks her before going to move the guitars to her car. Ted comes outside with their bags and dumps them into the backseat. As usual, the top is rolled down, but the doors are locked so it’s a little awkward because Bill forgets the keys sitting in his pocket until Ted’s jumped into the passenger seat.

When Bill doesn’t take the driver's seat, Ted asks, “Are you getting in, dude?” He sounds painfully on edge, looks it too – literally sitting on the edge of the seat, his legs bouncing and his voice strained.

“In a minute,” Bill tells him. “We’ve gotta wait for Missy.”

Ted frowns and tilts his head a little to the side. “Why? Wait, she knows that we’re taking her car?” He bites at his bottom lip and tenses up considerably.

“Yeah, but she was cool with it. She’s getting us mon...ey.” Oh shit, that could have been a lie, couldn’t it? But Missy wouldn’t do that. He thinks. But who would just let two teenagers steal their car to run away and give them money to help? “ Heinous . Most bogus. Shit, I’m sorry, Ted.”

He runs to the other side of the car and unlocks the door as quickly as he can. If Missy was lying, they should get out of there. They could worry about money later and – but if Missy was lying she would be waking up Dad and if Dad found out he would call Captain Logan and they’d most certainly be found in a matter of minutes.

He pauses.

“If Missy was lying we totally can’t do this.”

“...Yeah,” Ted says. 

When Bill looks over at him, he feels a wave of crushing despair unlike anything he’s felt before. They had been so so close, but now they’re totally doomed because Missy was definitely lying and has definitely woken up his dad who has definitely called Captain Logan.

He leans over and grabs Ted’s shaking hands.

“Dude,” he says in a low, shaky voice, “Ted, I’m so sorry.”

Ted leans towards him, squeezing his hands back. “It’s not your fault, Bill.” His nails, blunt and jagged from years of picking at them, dig into Bill’s skin, but he doesn’t mind. He’ll take whatever he can get before Ted is sent away. “I’ll definitely write. And it’s not like it’s for–” his voice cracks, “forever, right? I’ll be back.”

But he shouldn’t be leaving at all. Bill should be able to do something and Ted shouldn’t have to go to some horrible military school far away with no one he knows. And who even knows if letters can even go from San Dimas to Alaska. He’ll be stranded and so will Bill because Ted is the only person who’s ever really understood him or listened to him. Missy’s the only person who comes close, but she’s not Ted. She’s nothing like Ted.

“Ted, I–”

The front door opens and Bill can’t help pulling Ted closer to him.

Missy dashes for the car, now wearing jeans to replace the sweatpants, and drops a tote bag and a plastic one in the back next to Bill and Ted’s stuff.

Confused and cautiously delighted, Bill lets go of Ted.

“Get in the back, Bill,” she says. “You have my keys, right?”

“...Yeah.”

Ted seems as conflicted about this as Bill is. “Are you... coming with us, Miss Preston?”

Missy shoos Bill into the back seat and takes up the drivers. “Well yeah, I’m not just gonna let you two drive around alone, am I? What kind of mom would do that?”

“Okay?” Ted looks back at Bill and whispers, “Dude, you don’t think this is a trap, do you?”

Bill shrugs. “I don’t know, dude. I don’t... think so?” He hadn’t thought she was lying at first before too, but this seems like a most irrational thing to do if she was trying to get them caught. Honestly , he doubts she would ever want them to get in trouble. He could see her telling his dad, but not her intentionally going out of her way to get them caught on the road or anything.

Missy turns to look at them. “I promise you, this isn’t a trap. What your dad did is really shitty and I won’t stand by it, alright?”

The car turns on and starts backing out of the driveway, much faster than they’re supposed to.

“So where are we going?”

“I think Bill said something about the east coast?” Ted says. He still seems wary, but is warming up to Missy being there and helping them.

Bill supposes he is, too, but he’s too worn out to really think about it. It’s late, he technically hasn’t slept since before Rufus came around with the phone booth and he’s had a very long, exhausting day. He wants to go to sleep, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to until they’re out of California, or at least away from San Dimas.

The further they get from his house, the more Bill lets himself relax – leaning back into the seat and feeling the cool early-June night air. Missy turns on the radio and lets Ted fiddle with it until he finds something suitable, but other than that, it’s quiet.

They’ve been on the interstate for hours by the time the sun starts rising. The top has been rolled up to keep out the wind. They aren’t quite out of California yet, but they’re close enough that Bill doesn’t feel particularly worried about the fact that Captain Logan is going to be dropping by the Preston house soon, thinking Ted will be there and Bill’s dad definitely hasn’t noticed anything wrong yet.

Bill had remembered the note he’d written for Missy a few hours back and asked her about it, but she assured him that she’d brought it with her and even put one out in the bedroom telling his dad that she’s gone out for groceries.

Ted yawns in the front seat and turns around to give Bill a dopey smile.

“Dude, move those bags aside,” he says, gesturing to the pile beside him.

Bill nods and clears the middle seat.

“Careful,” Missy says as Ted unbuckles and clambers into the backseat. It’s an awkward move, considering the fact that Ted’s very lanky and the car’s backseat isn’t exactly big, but he settles in beside Bill, still smiling.

He buckles the seatbelt and nudges Bill with his shoulder. “Thanks, dude.”

Bill smiles back. “Of course.”

“Seriously, Bill, you didn’t have to do this. This is... better than anything I ever imagined would happen after my dad told me that I’d–”

“I couldn’t just do nothing, dude. That’d be most heinous of me.”

“Yeah but, this is... huge . You could have like, just made me a killer going away song or something.”

“Ted, my most wonderful, excellent friend, this is the only thing I could possibly do,” Bill tells him, feeling like he’s not quite getting the meaning he wants across in those words. He wants Ted to know that he’ll always be there for him to help him or protect him or whatever he needs. That he’ll always do whatever he can for him, even if it’s something like stealing Missy’s car or even dying. He would most definitely die for Ted. 

But he can’t say this. He doesn’t know how to, especially not when Missy can totally hear him.

Ted seems to understand, though, because his smile widens and he leans into him. He rests his head on Bill’s and Bill rests his head on Ted’s shoulder. They’re pressed close by the pile of bags and it should be uncomfortable because he’s getting hotter and hotter as the sun rises, but instead of adding to that heat, Bill just feels completely and utterly at home.

“We’re leaving California, boys!” Missy says over the music.

They both perk up to watch the green NOW LEAVING CALIFORNIA sign fly past, shortly replaced with blue ARIZONA: THE GRAND CANYON STATE WELCOMES YOU sign.

Honestly, Bill’s kind of surprised that the grand canyon’s in Arizona, he’d thought it was in Nevada or Wyoming or something, but just as he’s about to comment on it he’s suddenly overtaken with a wave of exhaustion and yawns instead.

He leans his head back on Ted’s shoulder and, as his eyes close, he feels Ted’s head resting against his.