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Chishiya shrugged Kuina off with more force than necessary. She stumbled back as if she’d been slapped, as if she wasn’t far stronger than Chishiya, frowning as she looked him over.
He knew he was a sight for sore eyes, covered in blood and grime.
“None of it is mine,” he lied easily before pausing, the throb in his cheek pounding with every breath he took. His lips were cracked and he was pretty sure his ribs were bruised. “Most of it,” he corrected, and pointedly ignored the pity in her eyes.
Even knowing who he was, she was capable of pity for him. He didn’t know how to feel about that.
Kuina reached for him again and he quickly averted her touch instinctively. When he lifted his head, she was staring at him with wide eyes, hand hovering awkwardly in the air. She opened her mouth and he braced for what she was going to say, something he didn’t want to hear, surely, but then he heard the distant shout of the others.
Her mouth snapped shut as they both turned; his knee ached at the movement and he cursed his own body for betraying him.
Arisu appeared first, which was ironic given Usagi was undeniably faster. He looked like he’d been running for a while, hair tousled and cheeks pink from the wind. Usagi looked better as she approached, mouth twisted in something like a frown.
She still didn’t like him, even after spending a couple weeks together, but she held enough room in her body for resentment and empathy.
Chishiya smiled and stretched out his arms. “I won.”
Unfortunately, but predictably, none of them laughed.
“We should get back,” Usagi began, always reasonable. She eyed Chishiya like he was a beaten dog, ready to strike at any moment. It was both flattering and unnecessary. For once he had little fight left in him.
Kuina reached for him again and he took a swift step back. “I think I’ll wash off first and join you all later,” he announced. Kuina blinked, eyes growing wide as she bit down on her faux-cigarette.
“Well, I’ll stay with you,” she said, tilting her head back, chin up, a challenge in her eyes. Chishiya wasn’t scared of her, even if he should’ve been.
He sighed, turning away from them all. The sun was still in the sky but only barely. He wondered if the water would be cold. “No need for that,” he replied without looking. He knew Kuina would normally fight it, her stubbornness had been one of the things he had liked about her, but it was oddly silent. He peeked curiously.
She watched him with a small frown, eyes soft and understanding. He itched for the numbness he had felt during the game.
“Only if you think you’ll be okay on your own,” she said finally, and Chishiya licked his lips; they were grossly dry, tasting of blood. The longer he stood here, the longer he would need to spend in the water to feel clean again.
He nodded, a quick jerk of his head. “Go. I’ll be there soon.”
Usagi and Arisu had both been pleasantly silent during the exchange, which was better than the alternative. Chishiya couldn’t stand pity. Kuina was a special case in that regard; he didn’t like when she looked at him with pity but he could stand it. Knew she was painfully genuine, even to the undeserving.
Chishiya watched as Kuina turned away and started off in the direction of where they’d set up camp a couple days ago. Usagi had been adamant about sleeping outside of the city and that had been the first time Chishiya realized she wasn’t just physically capable but smart too. There were endless hotels in the city but there were just as many dangerous people.
Usagi stared at him for a moment before turning and following, doing a little jog to catch up. Once she was close enough, she said something, too far for Chishiya to hear. Kuina glanced at her with a small smile. Kuina and Usagi had grown closer over the weeks, which was surprising but expected; when was the last time Kuina had had another woman to talk to?
With a sigh, he looked away from them. Arisu was still there, the only one left. He wasn’t looking at him but staring at his feet, shoulders hunched. He looked like he was seconds from asking a question but then suddenly he looked up and just nodded once before dashing off to join the others.
Well enough.
Chishiya ran his fingers through his hair, mouth twisting with disgust when his fingers caught in knotted lumps.
The water was glistening brightly when he walked to the edge. Every inch of him was aching with every step. He had won. Survived. No point in moping about the consequences. Slowly he started to strip out of his clothes, wincing when his shirt pulled too tightly against his ribs.
He shuddered when he put his foot in the water. Even with the sun still in the sky, warm on the back of his neck, the water was as cold as ice.
Chishiya cupped some of the water in his hands and splashed his face. The cut in his lip stung sharply.
“Don’t do it,” he said quietly as he wiped at his face, scrubbing away the blood and grime. The more his eyes watered, the harder he scrubbed because he wouldn’t. He had survived here so far without a single tear shed and he would end it the same way.
Chishiya must’ve been really distracted because he didn’t hear any approaching footsteps. “Hey.” He jumped, water splashing, and spun around. Arisu blinked owlishly, as if he was just as surprised as him. Chishiya sucked in a deep breath.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
Arisu looked thoughtful for a moment, tilting his head back and forth. “I thought I could use a wash too.”
It was an obvious lie—he looked perfectly fine, hair soft and curling around his jaw, skin bright and spotless. His hair had grown since Chishiya had first met him. Unlike Chishiya, he didn’t bother to keep his hair trimmed to any certain length.
“You’re checking up on me,” he replied.
Arisu grinned a bit sheepishly. “Am I that obvious?” he asked. Chishiya just raised both eyebrows. He wondered idly if Kuina had asked him to do it, but he didn’t ask. The silence between them began to stretch, undisturbed, until finally Arisu moved, hands dropping to the hem of his shirt. Chishiya silently watched, knowing he should say something.
Tell him to go away.
To stop sticking his nose in his business.
To stop being so kind because kindness was death in any world.
Instead he only watched on as Arisu pulled his shirt off and then reached for his pants. Chishiya boldly kept his eyes on him, daring him to say something or even leave, but Arisu was unaffected. Once he was as naked as him, he took his first step in the water and yelped.
“Fucking—” he cursed, looking up, and Chishiya suppressed a grin. “Could’ve warned a guy,” he grumbled.
Thankfully a wrong turn had his side screaming in pain and the urge to grin was wiped gone. Chishiya tried not to be too obvious about it, biting down on the inside of his cheek, but it was apparently too late. Arisu stepped toward him, ducking his head. His hand hovered awkwardly in the air, as Kuina’s had.
“Are you—?”
Chishiya’s head snapped in his direction. “If you ask if I’m okay, I’ll drown you.”
It was an empty threat and they both knew it. Arisu just gave a small smile. “Right.”
Chishiya turned away from him and took a deep breath. His hair was still unwashed and at this point he wasn’t sure if he could wash it. His throat felt tight, closing in with each breath.
“Will you drown me if I offer my help?”
Chishiya nearly laughed, turning around. Arisu had moved closer to him without making a sound, somehow. Now he was so close the sun reflected off the darkness of his eyes, endless pools of black. He tilted his chin up.
Arisu stared down at him. Not for the first time Chishiya hated being shorter than him. He had never minded before, being shorter than others, but with Arisu there was something different about it. There were a lot of things about Arisu that were different.
“Why are you here?” he asked again.
He expected a confirmation of what he already thought he knew—that Kuina had sent him. Instead Arisu smiled, looking a little embarrassed. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Chishiya snorted, unable to stop it. He looked off to the side with pursed lips. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know,” he replied, and Chishiya side-eyed him. “I wanted to.”
He wanted to tell him off for being an idiot, for caring too deeply, but truthfully he was just too tired. What mattered was that Arisu was here, smiling at him with soft eyes. He could at least selfishly take advantage of it.
“Okay,” he said suddenly, and Arisu looked confused as Chishiya started to turn away from him.
“Oh,” he heard from behind him, quiet and low. “Okay.”
It was a little unsettling, actually, having his back to a person in this world. He was stiff until he felt the first brush of Arisu’s fingers in his hair and suddenly all the tension melted out of him at once, not just from today but from weeks of fighting for survival. He hoped Arisu didn’t notice; if he did, he smartly didn’t tease him about it.
He barely even realized Arisu had finished with his hair until he circled him and crouched down. Chishiya blinked, frowning.
“What?”
Arisu tilted his head, eyes narrowing a little as he reached up. Chishiya prepared for the worst - wasn’t that all this world had to offer? - but Arisu firstly just brushed a few wet strands out of his face, painfully gentle, before he cupped his jaw in an equally as gentle grip. “Your lip is busted,” he said with a frown of his own. “Pretty bad.”
Chishiya ignored the too-fast thump of his heart, willed it to stop. “It’ll heal,” he said with a shrug. Arisu hummed thoughtfully. He didn’t let go of his jaw, and Chishiya should’ve known. He had always been so good at predicting the action of others. It was possibly the only reason he had survived this long.
He never would’ve predicted that Arisu would gently drag his thumb over his bottom lip, eyes glued to his mouth.
For the first time in his life Chishiya had no words. He could only watch as Arisu seemed to struggle with something, a choice, his eyes flashing through a dozen different emotions before settling on one Chishiya knew too well. He had seen it in Niragi’s eyes every night and day, but rarely did he have a willing partner. Arousal.
Chishiya had made a vow not to get involved with others, not in any real way. Use them and dispose of them. In all of that, he had never thought much about this. About what he would do if the situation arose, a chance to let off some steam - at least, that was probably what was going through Arisu’s mind.
Surely that was all it would ever be. He had Usagi, whether he knew it or not, the lovesick fools.
“Do it,” he said, a spoken challenge. Arisu didn’t even look up before he ducked closer; it was painful, the way he kissed him so gently, like he was glass, a delicate thing he was afraid to break. Chishiya’s chest roared with something, an emotion he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before, as he reached up and cupped his face in both hands, kissing him harder.
A surprised gasp from Arisu just had him pressing closer, licking into his mouth. If he kissed him hard enough, he hoped the ache in his chest would subside. The cut on his lip burned with the pressure. He kind of liked it.
Just as he dipped a hand below the water, Arisu pulled back with wide eyes. Chishiya nearly laughed at how he had the nerve to look so surprised when he had started this.
“What?” Chishiya asked, licking his lips, eyes flickering down. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
He supposed there was no harm in some pleasure, so long as he remembered that was all he could have. But instead of Arisu reacting how he expected, he surprised him again; with a frown, his hand slipped and fell from his cheek.
“I didn’t—” he began, and then stopped, looking off to the side, lips pressed together tightly.
Chishiya watched him closely. Before he could say anything, Arisu stood up and let out a laugh. It was painfully forced and humorless. Chishiya stood with him, struggling to find the right words. Arisu looked disappointed.
And that just didn’t make any sense. He had offered what he wanted.
“I should head back,” he said, still not looking at him. Chishiya felt like he’d be willing to do just about anything to have those eyes back on him. It was a scary feeling that he didn’t fully understand. Arisu ran his fingers through his hair. “Will you be okay on your own?”
Now it was his turn to laugh—or, well, he nearly did before he stopped himself, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough he tasted blood. As if he hadn’t been on his own for most of his life. “Of course,” he replied easily.
Arisu spared him a glance as he trudged out of the water and Chishiya resisted the urge to call out to him as he quickly dressed.
Probably for the better, he supposed. Chishiya wasn’t very close with Usagi and she seemed to dislike him quite a bit, but he also didn’t want to hurt her unnecessarily. Once Arisu was dressed, shirt clinging to his wet skin, he turned toward the water and Chishiya peered up at him, waiting. He knew that look on Arisu’s face, pursed lips and eyebrows drawn together—he was obviously thinking, and his thoughts always led to words because unlike Chishiya he wore his heart on his sleeve, for better or worse.
“I hope you realize you can have it someday,” he said finally. “If you want it."
Chishiya tilted his head. “Hm?”
But he didn’t receive an answer, just a soft laugh. Without a word, Arisu turned and began to walk off. Chishiya stared as he went, eyes narrowed. What the fuck did that mean?