Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian is ten years old when he is informed that he is to marry the second son of Sect Leader Lan.
The day is beautiful; the cold of the winter has already begun making way for the comfortable breezes of spring, the ponds around Lotus Pier are filling with new, lively stems that will soon bloom and fill the air with a sweet and fresh odor, and birds are gracing people's ears with joyous melodies. Wei Wuxian sits inside, in front of Uncle Jiang and his severe expression, and the happiness he is trying to convey with his smile upon hearing the news is as unreachable as the weather outside.
Uncle Jiang explains the reasoning of the match, the benefits it would bring for both sects, and Wei Wuxian nods, his smile still plastered on his face, but his throat aches around tears that he is determined to hold back.
The thing is—
Wei Wuxian has only just gotten used to the idea of living in Lotus Pier, of having a place to call 'home', even when his parents aren't by his side anymore. Madam Yu doesn't like him, and she lets her disaffections show very clearly, but Uncle Jiang, and A-Cheng and A-Jie... Wei Wuxian has just started to think of them as family.
And now Uncle Jiang is sending him away, off to a different sect, to spend the rest of his life with a boy he's never met before.
"Lan Wangji is an honorable young man," Uncle Jiang reassures him, as if it makes any of this any easier. The unsaid words of this whole one-sided conversation still ring in Wei Wuxian's ears loud and clear: You have no place here.
*
Later, Wei Wuxian sits on one of the piers, his short legs dangling a few centimeters above the waterline, and a small pile of pebbles gathered by his side. He holds one up and weighs it in his hand before throwing it into the lake, disturbing the peaceful water. He waits until the ripples fade away before throwing another stone, then another.
It's a calming activity Out here, alone, he finally lets the smile drop off his face, and if a few tears find their way to his cheeks, at least there's no one around to see.
The wedding won't happen for at least a few more years, Uncle Jiang had said, because both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji—his betrothed, Wei Wuxian will need to get used to that—are too young. Hearing that, and knowing that he still has time to spend in Yunmeng before being handed over to the Lan Sect, had been a comfort of sorts.
There aren't many comforting things about the whole thing. Wei Wuxian knows close to nothing about the Gusu Lan Sect, had only seen a Lan cultivator once before, when the man got hurt on a night hunt in Yunmeng and was brought to Lotus Pier for treatment. He knows they wear white clothes, and he knows that Gusu is cold. His mother had told him that, on one sunny day, only a couple weeks before she died, when everything was still good.
Wei Wuxian hates white clothes. He'd been told to wear white for two and a half years after being brought to Lotus Pier, to show that he was mourning for his parents, and he doesn't want to wear that color ever again. He also hates the cold, memories of curling around himself in an attempt to keep warm during cold nights on the streets still sending shivers down his spine every now and then.
Trying to fend off cold weather that only exists in his mind, he brings his legs up and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees.
It's how his sister finds him, minutes or hours later, he doesn't know. She sits down next to him and hands him a bowl with peeled lotus seeds. "You missed lunch," Yanli says.
It's only then that he realizes that he is hungry. He stuffs a mouthful of seeds, struggles to chew on them, and hurts his own throat when he swallows more than he should. "Thank you," he remembers to say after he pops a few more seeds into his mouth.
He can feel that she wants to say something, but she remains quiet and waits for him to say the first words.
"They want me to marry this guy from the Lan Sect," he ends up saying, because stating what she definitely already knows is easier than talking about his feelings.
She hums. "I heard."
Silence again. Wei Wuxian has so many thoughts on the matter, and all of them are a mess in his mind, and he can't even begin to express them all.
Eventually, all he says is, "I don't want to be sent away."
Yanli hums again, and nods, and hugs him, and she says, "I don't want that either."
He doesn't know if she means 'I don't want you to be sent away', or 'I don't want to be sent away, either.' Both, probably.
*
Surprisingly, it's Jiang Cheng who comes up with the somewhat good idea of writing to Lan Wangji. "No one said you have to remain strangers until you marry. He might be happy to receive a letter from you."
Wei Wuxian thinks this might be true, so he spends hours composing a letter. The writing process doesn't go very well, insecurities rising inside him regarding almost every sentence. The floor is littered with innumerable papers he had crushed into a ball when he regretted his words after already writing them. He hopes Madam Yu doesn't find out about this incredible waste of paper—she would surely use this as an excuse to make him kneel outside the ancestral hall for a few hours.
The final version of the letter is not very long. Wei Wuxian had done his best to not let his trepidation and frustration show in his words, instead opting for what he hopes is a cheerful tone. Surely, the first impression he wants to leave on his betrothed is not that he has no interest in this arrangement. Instead of a list of his worries, Wei Wuxian presents himself and writes a sentence or two about his hobbies. After countless hesitations, he adds that he looks forward to meeting Lan Wangji, because that seems to be something appropriate to say to his future husband.
For a while, he stares at the finished letter with his messy, childish handwriting, and considers asking his sister to copy it for him with her neat calligraphy, but decides that it would be too embarrassing to let her read his—most certainly—foolish attempt at adulting. With a sigh, he rolls the paper and seals the edge with wax.
He sends the letter the next day, and almost immediately after the messenger leaves, he starts waiting for the response letter with bated breath.
A month passes, and Wei Wuxian dismisses the lack of response, thinking that the journey to Gusu and back is long; sometimes Uncle Jiang waits longer than that for correspondence.
When the second month passes without a letter from Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian tells Jiang Cheng, "He's probably thinking about what to say to me. It takes him time, that's all." He tries to believe it himself, the first seeds of doubt sown in his guts.
Another month goes by, and Wei Wuxian finally has to admit that no letter will be coming to him from Lan Wangji.
It brings bitter taste to his mouth and causes a small twitch in his heart, but he doesn't give up. He sits in his room during a hot summer day—evading both the sun and his siblings' worried looks when they think he isn't looking—and writes a second letter.
"Lan-er-gongzi," he writes. "I don't know if you received my first letter, because you didn't write back. I will assume it got lost on the way to you. My name is Wei Ying, courtesy Wuxian..."
Yanli bites her lower lip when he tells her that he'd sent a new letter, but she doesn't tell him that it'd been a bad idea, so he doesn't worry. She does say, "Don't be too disappointed if he doesn't respond again."
He smiles, innocent and naïve. "Of course he'll respond, he must be just as curious as I am!"
He does a good job of holding his own confidence for almost four months, but when a messenger from Gusu comes bearing a letter for Uncle Jiang and nothing for Wei Wuxian, he frowns and feels how it begins to crack. Uncle Jiang had promised him that Lan Wangji is a respectful person. Surely he wouldn't ignore a letter from his intended?
For the third time, Wei Wuxian sits to his writing table and stares at an empty piece of paper, thinking of the best way to convert the things he wants to say to Lan Wangji into actual words.
"I know it was my idea," Jiang Cheng begins to say when he enters the room and figures out what's going on. "But maybe you should just... give up?" He sounds unsure, like he knows that's not something Wei Wuxian is likely to do.
Wei Wuxian has considered giving up. Neither he nor Lan Wangji had a say in this arrangement, so maintaining a good relationship between them can't be called 'necessary'. There wasn't any relationship to begin with, they have never even met. However, as much as Wei Wuxian doesn't want this marriage, he is determined to at least try and make the best out of it. The silence from Lan Wangji in response to his two letters has only fueled this determination.
"Just one more letter," he tells Jiang Cheng. "If he doesn't answer, I'll stop." He doesn't know if it's a promise to his brother or an attempt to convince himself.
By then, the days are getting cooler and shorter. Soon it will be winter, and Lan Wangji wouldn't be able to write back even if he wanted to, because the snow will block the roads up north, and even the best cultivators wouldn't risk mounting their swords in the possible case of sudden snow storms.
"I look forward to hearing from you," Wei Wuxian adds to the end of his letter, hoping that maybe the words will be incentive enough for Lan Wangji to write back.
When the messenger leaves, it rains in Yunmeng. Wei Wuxian thinks about Gusu, where winter comes earlier than here, and doesn't really expect a reply this time around, at least not in the foreseeable future.
*
Winter once again makes way for spring. Wei Wuxian is now eleven years old, and he is swiftly becoming the best disciple in Yunmeng Jiang. His gentle, wavering golden core finally stabilizes, and he finds himself surpassing even disciples years older than him. One afternoon, after Wei Wuxian finishes his sword training for the day and considers jumping into the still-freezing lake to cool off his sweat (and risking getting ill), Uncle Jiang assembles the disciples and drops the announcement that Wei Wuxian is to be the head disciple of the sect.
For the briefest of moments, pride washes all over Wei Wuxian's body, more refreshing than any dip in the lake could be.
Then, he hears Madam Yu's snort from her place beside her husband before she turns to leave. He looks at Jiang Cheng, standing by his side, and he smiles and congratulates him, but Wei Wuxian can see the envy in his eyes. From somewhere behind him, he hears someone whispering, "He is just the son of a servant, though," and someone else shushing the speaker. After that, nothing is left of his initial feeling of pride.
With not even Yanli around to feel truly happy for him, having left three days prior to visit the Meishan Yu clan, a sudden feeling of loneliness overtakes him. He hasn't thought about Lan Wangji for a while, now, but the urge to write to him again arises inside him. His betrothed won't respond to him, anyway, but he will also have no reason to feel anything negative towards Wei Wuxian. It's kind of what Wei Wuxian needs, right now. An imagined acceptance is better than no acceptance at all.
The letter, after Wei Wuxian finishes writing it, remains untouched in his room for days before he finally rolls the paper, seals it with wax, and sends it to Gusu. He doesn't expect a reply, and he doesn't receive one. By then, he is only very slightly disappointed.
*
As the years go by, the thought of Lan Wangji as his future husband settles comfortably in the back of Wei Wuxian's mind. He doesn't forget it, even when he practices his flirting skills with girls in Yunmeng, and he reassures Jiang Cheng that this is only a game and he has no intention to follow up on his flirting when he voices his concerns.
Letters addressed to Lan Wangji keep getting sent from Lotus Pier twice or thrice a year, and Wei Wuxian has long since stopped feeling disappointed at the absence of responses. He is not even sure if Lan Wangji bothers reading his letters, anymore. Maybe he had already figured that Wei Wuxian's got nothing important to say. His letters are mostly a way to share his random thoughts about random things and occurrences. He doesn't write them in a single day. Instead, the paper is held open in his room for months, and he adds lines to it as days go by.
"Lotus seeds are ripe, finally! We spent hours today in the lakes to collect them. Madam Yu said we should dedicate more time for training and studying, but I think it was a great physical training."
"My shijie is finally back home. I missed her. Her cooking is so great. Lan Wangji, do you like lotus and pork ribs soup? Hers is the best, you should definitely try some."
"I was forced to kneel on front of the ancestral hall for hours today, just because I was late for training. I can't feel my legs. I hope Gusu Lan is easier on punishments than Madam Yu is."
"Lan Wangji, what do you look like? I already told you how I look, but I don't know anything about you."
"Uncle Jiang will take Jiang Cheng and me to the next cultivation conference in the Unclean Realm. He says that we are finally old enough to get into sect politics! To be honest, I think it will be boring, but Jiang Cheng is really excited. Lan Wangji, will you be there, too? I would love to meet you."
"Lan Wangji, you weren't in Qinghe, but I met your brother! He is pretty, are you as pretty as him?"
Then, when Wei Wuxian is fifteen, Jiang Cheng and he, along with other disciples their age, are invited to study a year with the Gusu Lan Sect. The same evening the invitation arrives, Wei Wuxian sits on his bed and stares at the most recent, still unfinished letter to Lan Wangji. He never sends it, but when the Yunmeng Jiang delegation leaves Lotus Pier, it is tucked safely at the bottom of his qiankun pouch.
*
Wei Wuxian's arrival to Gusu goes horribly wrong. On the way there, he keeps imagining his first meeting with Lan Wangji. He is still not feeling over the moon with the whole arrangement, but he doesn't resent the idea as much as he did when he was ten. Despite Lan Wangji's silence over the years, Wei Wuxian has started thinking of him as a distant friend somewhere along the road.
Lan Wangji is not Wei Wuxian's friend, as it turns out. Even worse—he is an asshole who looks and acts as if he has a stick up his ass. Wei Wuxian curses his name all the way back to Caiyi Town to retrieve Yunmeng Jiang's invitations, and curses even worse all the way back up the mountain.
Lan Wangji is also ridiculously pretty. He is prettier than his brother, whom Wei Wuxian had met a couple times before, and it's just really unfair that Wei Wuxian has to be torn between admiring his looks and getting increasingly frustrated.
Apparently, he had managed to break three rules of the Gusu Lan Sect upon his arrival. Also apparently, his betrothed is a stickler for rules.
He accidentally wakes Jiang Cheng up when he finally walks into their shared room. After throwing his pillow at Wei Wuxian and calling him some harsh names, he asks, "Are you okay?"
Wei Wuxian sighs and changes into his sleeping robes wordlessly. Jiang Cheng falls back to sleep easily enough, not really waiting for an answer. As he is lying in his bed, Wei Wuxian thinks, 'I don't know.'
*
Grandmaster Lan begins the first lecture by reading out loud every single rule of the Gusu Lan Sect. It would make sense—Uncle Jiang would probably do the same if a similar occurrence were to take place in Lotus Pier—except there are over three thousand rules, and it takes hours to go through them all.
Wei Wuxian spends the better part of the lecture examining Lan Wangji. It begins with stolen sidelong glances, but when it becomes clear that the list of rules will go on for a while, he abandons all pretense of listening, and instead turns his head completely to stare at his betrothed.
He had hurried to take the seat right next to Lan Wangji before the lecture started, which now provides him a lovely view of his profile. Unfortunately, Lan Wangji is still as pretty as he looked under the pale moonlight.
("Aren't you supposed to be happy that your future husband is handsome?" Jiang Cheng would ask later, spitting the word 'handsome' like the mere use of it is poisonous.
"Sure," Wei Wuxian would say, "but it makes it really hard to resent him for being such a prick."
Jiang Cheng would slap Wei Wuxian's head and call him idiot, but wouldn't argue.)
The only indication Wei Wuxian gets of Lan Wangji being aware of his inappropriate staring is a quick side-eye glare and a tiny twitch in his lips.
Despite the lecture having started immediately after breakfast, by the time Grandmaster Lan finally finishes reciting the rules, it's already time for lunch. Lan Wangji stands up, as elegant as it gets, and Wei Wuxians scurries to follow him out of the room.
"Lan-er-gongzi," he says. "I am sorry about last night. I did not mean to break your sect's rules."
He gets no reply.
"I've been looking forward to meeting you!" Wei Wuxian continues, because lack of response had never stopped him from talking before. "Uncle Jiang brought me along for all cultivation conferences in the past few years, but you were never there."
Still no reply.
"I met your brother, though. Has he ever mentioned me?"
This time, Lan Wangji grants him a brief look, which Wei Wuxian doesn't know if he should interpret as a yes or a no. Sadly, they reach the dining hall just then, and Jiang Cheng—who has apparently followed right behind them—forcefully tugs him towards the area designated to the Yunmeng Jiang disciples.
"Please try to at least pretend you have some manners," he hisses at Wei Wuxian, even though Wei Wuxian really can't see what in his words lacked propriety.
"What did I do?"
Jiang Cheng grants him a disbelieving look, before sighing and saying, "Try being less... you."
Trying not to show his hurt at the words, Wei Wuxian murmurs, "Yeah, whatever", and takes a seat.
The food is disgustingly bland, which only dampens his mood. In the not-so-far future, he will marry into this sect. So far, both the husband and the food seem to be a disappointment.
*
Wei Wuxian tries. He can't help slumping a little during lectures, but he keeps quiet and does his best to listen, even to the dullest, most tiresome ones. He can't stop his own gag reflex whenever he eats the Lan herbal soup, but he forces himself to not say anything impolite, and in general attempts to keep his mouth shut during meals in order to be respectful of the sect rules. He sometimes forgets that he is not supposed to run, or laugh too loud, but normally he catches himself and reminds himself to follow the rules.
The first two weeks are boring, and when he gets back to his room at night he feels like he might crawl out of his skin if this tedious routine keeps going, but he tries. He tries, because even if Lan Wangji hasn't said a single word to him since that first day and is apparently the most lifeless person Wei Wuxian has ever had the pleasure to meet, he is still Wei Wuxian's betrothed.
And Wei Wuxian is nothing if not determined to at least have a hope for a nice future.
Only it's getting harder and harder to keep on trying, and at the end of every day he feels a tad bit more frustrated. It's like there's a pit in his stomach—one that had opened when he was ten and informed of his betrothal; that he managed to slowly cover as the years went by—and every day of monotonous lectures and silent meals and forced restraint digs that pit a bit deeper.
With how much he is trying, Wei Wuxian thinks that it is highly unfair that Lan Qiren chooses him to target with unexpected questions. There are at least seven other students who are not listening. Nie Huaisang can barely even keep his eyes open.
Still, Lan Qiren chooses Wei Wuxian, like he is a personal target. The thought makes Wei Wuxian feel some satisfaction with the way Lan Qiren looks slightly less calm the more correct answers Wei Wuxian gives.
Then all his answers are dismissed as nothing to be proud of, as if Wei Wuxian hadn't spent the past few years working hard to improve his skills and his knowledge; as if everyone else in the room could answer everything, despite there being at least ten disciples looking like they had no clue what the answers were.
If Wei Wuxian is being completely honest, he is not trying to think of a fourth way to deal with a resentful spirit as much as he is trying to stop a snarky remark that makes its way to his lips.
He is seriously trying his best to be good, so it couldn't be more disheartening when he comes up with a perfectly good theory about controlling resentful energy, and Lan Qiren shuts him down as if he'd committed a crime.
"I am sorry," he still says to Lan Wangji later, in the library pavilion. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful to your uncle."
Lan Wangji glances his way, seems to be considering his words, but then he looks back down to the book he is copying without saying anything in return.
For a couple minutes, Wei Wuxian keeps his eyes fixed on his betrothed, in the hope that Lan Wangji will feel his gaze and change his mind about saying something, but when nothing happens he sighs and turns to copy his own lines.
He only makes it a few pages in, but he can at least honestly admit to trying. When it gets impossibly boring, he turns to look at Lan Wangji again. "Did you receive my letters?" he asks when the silence becomes too heavy for him, and immediately wants to take it back because he doesn't know if he even wants to hear the answer. Despite that, when Lan Wangji doesn't respond, he adds, "I sent a few of them over the years. I was hoping to get to know you."
This grants him another brief glance and a quiet, "Mn."
Wei Wuxian doesn't know whether it's an acknowledgment of his letters or not, but he counts the sound as a tiny win. Then he is overwhelmed by the thought that if this is how his life is going to look like once he marries this man, then maybe he should fake his own death and run away before it's too late.
With that depressing idea taking over his mind, he silently returns to copying his lines.
*
Unfortunately, getting too distracted to complete his punishment has consequences, and Wei Wuxian is doomed for another day in the library with Lan Wangji. And then another week, because the Lan Sect has a ridiculous amount of rules, and he needs to copy all of them three times.
On the bright side—he finally gets Lan Wangji to talk to him, even if it's only one word at a time. Even if those words are always along the lines of 'shameless' and 'ridiculous'.
One day, towards the end of the week, he and Lan Wangji have what could be described as their first conversation since that first night ('conversation' is a big word for the brief exchange, but Wei Wuxian's standards have gone so low since he'd arrived at the Cloud Recesses).
For once, Wei Wuxian's attention is on the paper in front of him and not on his betrothed, so he is startled when Lan Wangji's voice comes from above his head. "What are you doing?"
What Wei Wuxian is supposed to be doing is copying the Lan rules. What he is actually doing is writing to his sister. He looks up, sees Lan Wangji looking down at his paper, and hurries to cover his long rant about his frustration with said man. He hopes that his messy handwriting and being on the wrong side of the table mean that Lan Wangji couldn't read his words.
"I was writing to my shijie."
Wei Wuxian's brightest smile is not enough to not get scolded. "You should be following through on your punishment. This is not the time for personal activities."
Wei Wuxian knows that by dragging his punishment longer, he is also keeping Lan Wangji restricted to the library, watching him. Honestly, he even feels somewhat bad about it. But he still thinks that his punishment was not even fair, and he is increasingly frustrated with the way Lan Wangji is constantly ignoring him, so he buries those feelings down. He misses Jiang Yanli, and he spends his days either in lectures or in the library, so when he finally gets time to write to her, it's already dark and his eyes are hurting from the hours spent inside the library.
He opens his mouth to say all this to Lan Wangji, but the latter beats him to it. "It's time for dinner." He turns around and leaves without waiting for Wei Wuxian to collect his things and follow him.
*
As time goes by, it becomes easier for Wei Wuxian to separate the person he had always imagined Lan Wangji to be and the person Lan Wangji really is. Still, his heart continues to twitch every time he is being ignored by his betrothed.
Wei Wuxian keeps getting himself punished. He maintains that Lan Qiren is specifically targeting him, but that doesn't change the fact that during the next three months, he spends more time in the library than he spends in his own room in the dormitories.
The days are growing shorter and shorter as summer fades away and winter approaches, and his frustration at the way things are steadily grows.
"Maybe I should stop trying," he tells Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang one evening, sprawled on his bed with his head hanging from the side of it, so he can see their faces.
Nie Huaisang—who gives the impression of being an idiot, while truly being a devious little shit—had somehow managed to sneak some jars or Emperor's Smile into the Cloud Recesses (Wei Wuxian had asked how he did it, having failed to do so himself a couple times already, but Nie Huaisang refuses to reveal his secrets). Wei Wuxian's face had lit up when he saw the alcohol, and it didn't take long for the three of them to drink all of it.
He feels a buzz under his skin, his head lighter than it'd been since getting here and having his hopes for his future crushed. It's why he allows his mouth to run freer than he had around Jiang Cheng for a while. "I mean, obviously Lan Wangji hates me, and it's not going to change," he continues.
"I don't know, Wei-xiong," Nie Huaisang says, twirling an empty jar around his index finger. "Maybe you are trying the wrong way, that's all."
This is far more interesting than Jiang Cheng's cry of "Don't you dare risking our relationship with the Lans!" so Wei Wuxian waves his hand dismissively at his brother and turns his attention to his friend.
"What do you mean?"
"You've been trying to follow the rules, right?"
Wei Wuxian ignores Jiang Cheng's snort and nods. It's a bit difficult from his position, but he makes it work. "Continue."
"Well, maybe you should draw his attention before trying to impress him. Get him riled up so he notices you."
Jiang Cheng snorts again. "This is the worst idea I have ever heard. Wei Wuxian, Grandmaster Lan already dislikes you, please don't give him any reason to turn this into flat-out hate."
But Jiang Cheng doesn't have a better idea to suggest, so Wei Wuxian decides to give it a try.
*
Some god must be making fun of him and enjoying it, because Wei Wuxian manages to score himself another punishment the following day. Heavenly interference is the only possible option, because Wei Wuxian had been sitting straight, silent, and more attentive to Lan Qiren than he'd ever been before. For a change, the subject of the lecture—the theory behind practicing inedia, which they are to start practicing in two weeks—is actually interesting.
So there is absolutely no reason for Lan Qiren to target him, again. There's a Jin disciple literally drooling in his sleep in the second row!
Wei Wuxian turns his head to look at Jiang Cheng, trying to silently convey to him, 'See?' as he stands up to attempt to counter Lan Qiren's questions with appropriate answers.
Surprisingly, Lan Qiren cannot seem to find any fault with his answers, and allows him to sit back with a grumpy expression.
Wei Wuxian is already celebrating his unexpected success in his heart, when he ungracefully loses his balance while sitting and hits his hip on the corner of the table. The involuntary string of curse-words which leaves his mouth grants him a mocking look from Jiang Cheng, a quiet "Shameless" from Lan Wangji, and another punishment from Lan Qiren.
Wei Wuxian's eyes are filled with tears from the sudden pain, but he can still see Nie Huaisang's excited expression. He mouths something silently. Maybe, 'Your chance!'
Wei Wuxian sighs internally, and prepares himself for a few more days of line-copying.
Still, since Wei Wuxian is already sentenced for more time in the library with his apathetic betrothed (Lan Wangji had been the one to oversee all of Wei Wuxian's punishments so far; Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to make of this, because obviously Lan Wangji can't oversee the punishments of all the other disciples, so why is he assigned to Wei Wuxian?), he can't see why he shouldn't try Nie Huaisang's method. With that in mind, when he takes his now-familiar seat in the library that afternoon, he only keeps a pretense of copying his lines for about five minutes before he puts down his brush and turns his attention to Lan Wangji.
"Lan-er-gongzi," he says.
As expected, he gets ignored.
"Aren't you tired of watching over me? I'm sure that you have better things to do."
More silence follows.
"Say, why don't you settle an argument I've been having with my brother? I think that your uncle hates me specifically, for reasons which haven't been disclosed to me, and that's why he keeps finding reasons to punish me."
He waits for some sign that Lan Wangji is listening to him, but gets none. He has nothing better to do, so he keeps speaking anyway. "Jiang Cheng disagrees. He thinks I am always acting inappropriately."
This grants him a reaction, at least, even if Lan Wangji's eyes don't stray from his own document. "He is right."
"I wasn't acting inappropriately today!" Wei Wuxian exclaims. "I was on my best behavior, and I happened to hit my hip. It was very painful, let me tell you that. I am sure you'd curse as well."
When a minute passes by without any reaction from his betrothed, Wei Wuxian gathers that they are back to the familiar grounds of ignoring him. Now, however, he at least knows that Lan Wangji hears what Wei Wuxian says. Weak attempts at justifying himself won't get him anywhere, so he changes the topic. Slightly. "Did you volunteer to supervise all my punishments?" he asks, honestly curious. "Nie Huaisang says that nobody supervises his punishments."
The way Lan Wangji's movement falters—only a second before he continues writing as usual—and the tips of his ears color a faint shade of pink is unmissable, and it makes Wei Wuxian's heart beat just a bit faster. He hides his own reaction behind his genuine delight. "Am I the only one being supervised? Are you even required to supervise, or did you volunteer?"
The pink turns a shade darker.
"You did! Lan-er-gongzi, do you like my company that much?"
It is said as a joke. Wei Wuxian is not blind to the fact that his betrothed doesn't like him at all. So it comes as a surprise when Lan Wangji deigns this with a reaction, finally raising his eyes to meet Wei Wuxian's gaze. Wei Wuxian can't read his face.
Then Lan Wangji returns his attention to the book he is copying, without a word.
Lying in bed that night, dangling on the line between wakefulness and sleep, Wei Wuxian reenacts the moment in his mind. For some reason, he thinks he'd hit something, there.
*
"Lan-er-gongzi."
Silence.
"Are you going to ignore me for the rest of our lives? Or are you going to talk to me once we get married? Because I have to tell you, if this will continue when we are married, I might die of frustration, and you'll be a very young widower."
More silence.
"I've been thinking, since we are going to get married, I shouldn't have to call you Lan-er-gongzi. It's so formal. Not a way to address your husband."
If the weather was warmer, Wei Wuxian would be able to hear cicadas chirping outside with how heavy the silence is.
"You don't have that issue, I suppose. You never address me anyway." He taps a finger on his chin. "How about I call you 'Wangji'? Since 'Lan Wangji' would also be weird when we get married."
Lan Wangji keeps to his silence, so Wei Wuxian takes it as a hint that he can keep to his his rambling.
"Or how about I use your birth name? We'll be sharing a bed, surely we should be addressing each other as intimately as that. How does A-Zhan sound?" He doesn't expect any reaction, so he lights up with glee when his betrothed ears once again turn pink. "It sounds a bit weird, isn't it? A-Zhan," he tries it again on his lips, deciding it sounds like he is talking to a sibling rather than a lover.
"Lan Zhan," he says, testing out loud another option.
Said man's eyes snap over to meet Wei Wuxian's own. His lips are slightly parted.
Wei Wuxian smiles, and it's more soft and gentle than delightful. "Lan Zhan," he says again. He likes the feeling of it in his mouth. "Yes, I think that's how I'll call you."
Lan Zhan lowers his eyes and goes back to work.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says again. "You can call me Wei Ying."
*
The shameful act—yes, Wei Wuxian knows it's shameful, but it also feels nice—of calling his intended by his birth name does not gain him chattier conversations with Lan Zhan, who seems to be as impassive as always on the following day.
Having once again ditched any façade of even trying to follow through his punishment, he pulls out a blank paper and starts drawing. It's not until the shape of a face forms on the paper that he realizes that he's been absentmindedly drawing Lan Zhan.
Since he had already started, he decides to make a nice drawing out of it.
The result is not the best work he's ever produced, but it's definitely decent. Whoever looks at it will at least be able to recognize Lan Zhan. Wei Wuxian holds the paper up and compares his drawing to Lan Zhan, sitting next to another table across the floor. He thinks the figure in his drawing wears a softer expression than the model, but he still nods in approval.
"Lan Zhan," he says, getting up and making his way over. "Here, for you." He lays the paper on top of the book Lan Zhan is copying, so he has no other choice but to look.
Lan Zhan puts down his brush and picks up the drawing. For a few long moments, he says nothing. Then, "You should finish your punishment."
He doesn't say thank you or grant Wei Wuxian a look, but his tone is not as harsh as it usually is. Wei Wuxian counts it as a success.
With this small victory in his possession, he returns to what has become his usual place and pulls out another paper, to copy his lines.
*
"Lan Zhan, I have another gift for you," Wei Wuxian says as he enters the library, his hands behind his back. After the drawing incident, he'd had the idea to acquire Lan Zhan's attention through random gifts.
Lan Zhan doesn't answer, but Wei Wuxian doesn't wait for it. He makes a beeline towards Lan Zhan, takes his hands from behind his back, and drops two rabbits right onto Lan Zhan's papers. Wei Wuxian had found them in the back mountains during the rare hour that he had had for himself between the last lecture and coming to the library. The rabbits were truly adorable, and their white coat of fur made him think of the Lan robes. The decision to catch them had been taken before he really thought about it.
He is not a master at reading Lan Zhan's expressions, but if he has to guess, he'd say Lan Zhan seems torn between looking at the rabbits with a certain fondness and the need to scold Wei Wuxian.
"You are late," he says, after a short, stunned silence. His eyes are locked on the rabbits, currently staining his papers with ink that had been yet to dry before the creatures were dropped on his table.
Wei Wuxian drops to the floor and starts petting the two little snowballs. "Am I really late if I was catching a gift for my intended?"
Lan Zhan's eyes do not leave the table. "Yes." Then, after a short pause, "Pets are not allowed in the– "
"Clouds Recesses," Wei Wuxian interrupts him. "Yes, I know, I've become very familiar with your rules lately, as you might know. But these are not pets, of course," he calls gleefully. "They are dinner."
That finally draws Lan Zhan's eyes away from the rabbits, and Wei Wuxian cracks up at the way his eyes widen a bit. In the Lan Zhan Expression Book, that must be 'horrified'. "No," he says.
Wei Wuxian was joking about eating the rabbits, but now he can't help pushing further. "You don't like rabbit meat? I guess I'll have to give them to someone else, then."
"Who?" Lan Zhan looks like he can't stop the questions from being voiced.
Wei Wuxian shrugs. "Someone who can cook them, obviously."
He reaches his hands to grab the little creatures, but Lan Zhan catches his arms to stop him. "Don't."
Wei Wuxian stares at hin, suddenly lost for words. It's the first time Lan Zhan touches him, and it's only his forearms, where the sleeves had risen, but Lan Zhan's hands are warm and coarse after years of yielding a sword, and they feel nice.
Lan Zhan must be realizing the contact at about the same time, because he stares back. Then he pulls back as if he got burned. "Leave them," he says, ignoring the awkward moment.
Pulling his hands back and propping his head on one of them, Wei Wuxian asks, "Do you like them?"
Lan Zhan doesn't answer, but later, when Wei Wuxian retreats to his own table to start on his punishment, he allows them to snuggle together in his lap.
There's a warm feeling in Wei Wuxian's heart which he doesn't recognize, but he doesn't dwell on it.
*
On the evening of Wei Wuxian's sixteenth birthday, Nie Huaisang declares, "I have a gift for you," and waves a book in front of Wei Wuxian's eyes. "I found it in one of the stores in town a few days ago."
From where he is lazing on his bed, Wei Wuxian raises his eyebrows. "A book."
"A spring book," Nie Huaisang says, successfully catching both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's attention.
"That is inappropriate on so many levels," Jiang Cheng says.
Nie Huaisang ignores him. "Show this to Lan Wangji."
"That is a terrible idea," Jiang Cheng declares.
Wei Wuxian is at least in the same book with him, if not on the same page. "That seems to be taking it a bit too far," he says. "I want his attention, not his sword."
Nie Huaisang waves the spring book in front of them. "It's art. Lans appreciate it."
"Shameless, is what it is," Jiang Cheng hisses. To Wei Wuxian, who snatches the book and starts flipping the pages curiously, he says, "You cannot show this to Lan Wangji. You'll end up ruining your betrothal."
Wei Wuxian is more interested in the pictures. "These are all men!" he says, raising his eyes to look at Nie Huaisang.
His friend narrows his eyes at him. "You are marrying a man; obviously you guys should look at homosexual drawings."
"That's not my point," Wei Wuxian says, ignoring Jiang Cheng's 'they shouldn't be looking at any drawings at all!' "How are they– I mean, I didn't know–" He sends a pleading look to Nie Huaisang and considers whether he should continue this sentence, and then decides that the guy waving a book of erotica in front of his friends has no rights thinking him shameless, and says, "Two guys can do that? Together?"
Next to him, Jiang Cheng's face turns redder than ever before, but for a change, he doesn't say anything about his brother being a horrible person, instead turning to look at Nie Huaisang as well. Nie Huaisang, who looks almost amused.
"You didn't know? What did you think you and Lan Wangji were going to do on your wedding night?"
Wei Wuxian had been too young to think about intimate relationships when he was informed of his betrothal, and even as he grew up and started hearing whispers about sexual relations, he'd never really connected the dots in his mind. In the stories the older disciples and cultivators of Yunmeng Jiang are telling, there are always women. It had never occurred to him that he'd be doing anything with Lan Zhan.
Nie Huaisang must see something in his face, because suddenly he looks extremely horrified. "Tell me that you know what is expected of you on your wedding night."
Wei Wuxian shrugs. "I always assumed– two men can't have children, so why would we need to do anything?"
"Well, for one, there's dual cultivation."
At that, Wei Wuxian perks up. "In Yunmeng they only start teaching us about dual cultivation at seventeen, but I heard some older disciples talking about it. What does this have to do with... that?"
The more he speaks, the harder Nie Huaisang grimaces. "Dual cultivation is performed through the act of love," he says, and then shakes his head. "That sounds horribly educational. But it's also true. And also!" he calls when Wei Wuxian opens his mouth to speak, "Also, having sex feels really good. Like, extremely good. The kind of good that makes you forget your own name for a while."
Wei Wuxian thinks about Lan Zhan. Strict, uptight, ever-displeasured Lan Zhan. He tries to imagine him in one of the situations and positions that are shown in the book that's still in his hands, and he can't see it in his mind.
He looks at Jiang Cheng.
Jiang Cheng warns, "Don't."
Wei Wuxian looks back at Nie Huaisang. "Nie-xiong, I really need you to explain to me how the whole process works."
*
Wei Wuxian takes the spring book. Jiang Cheng opposes, objects loudly and vehemently, but Wei Wuxian ignores him like he always does and takes the book. He has it open in front of him while he is supposed to be copying his lines on the following day, and he alternates between looking at the pictures and looking at Lan Zhan, trying to imagine the two of them in those positions.
It gets him more concerned than aroused.
Nie Huaisang had done his best to explain the mechanics to him, but despite his constant reassurance that it felt great, Wei Wuxian can't imagine it.
Does Lan Zhan know what they will be doing on their wedding night? Does he know how? He doesn't really have friends, that much is clear; was there anyone who had talked to him about this?
"Copy your lines," Lan Zhan says from where he sits, and as far as Wei Wuxian can remember, this is the first time Lan Zhan is the first to talk.
Maybe that's why he does what he does. Or maybe he would have done it anyway. "Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says, getting up and picking up the spring book. "I am going to show you something, okay?"
Lan Zhan's face is as passive as ever as Wei Wuxian walks over, but Wei Wuxian thinks that he has learned to read him in the past few months, just a little, and he wonders if the look in his betrothed's eyes is as curious as he thinks.
The cover of the book is blank, so Lan Zhan probably doesn't suspect anything when he opens it. Definitely hadn't been suspecting anything, if his face once he sees the picture is an indication. Considering that this is the first time Wei Wuxian sees Lan Zhan's face wearing any expression openly, he guesses it is an indication.
"Wei Ying!"
Lan Zhan's voice is loud and shocked and upset, but it's also the first time he calls Wei Wuxian by his birth name—any name, really—and it kind of knocks the breath out of him for a moment. This is shaping to be a day of many firsts.
"What kind of prank is this?" Lan Zhan asks as he jumps to his feet, his tone more expressive than ever before, filled with rage and embarrassment simultaneously.
Wei Wuxian raises his hands as if reassuring Lan Zhan that he'd meant no harm, but before he has time to talk—adding to the list of firsts that gets longer and longer by the second—Lan Zhan continues, "Have you no shame?"
"I just want to talk!" Wei Wuxian calls, feeling defensive. "Nie Huaisang said– "
"You've gone too far!" Lan Zhan practically yells. "Get out of here."
"Will you just listen to me for once? You've been ignoring me ever since I got here—won't you at least try to hear me out?"
"I haven't seen you trying to be respectful of me and my sect; why should I try to listen to you?"
"I've been doing nothing but trying from the first day!" Wei Wuxian yells back, clenching his fists so hard that his nails might break the skin as he tries to not flail his hands around. "Do you think your sect is so easy to get used to, with all these ridiculous rules and your uncle following every movement I make to find reasons to punish me?"
"Uncle punishes you because you break the rules." Seeming like he'd gained back at least a semblance of self-control, Lan Zhan lowers his voice again.
"Really?" Wei Wuxian asks. "Because we've been spending the last few days here over a few words I said out of pain. And before that we were here because I apparently 'daydreamed' in class, but when other disciples literally sleep during his lectures, they only get a frown. Do you know why Grandmaster Lan is so eager to punish me? Because I don't, and let me tell you, it's getting ridiculous."
"He is giving you more attention because you are to join this sect. You need to learn how to live here."
"You call that 'living'?" Wei Wuxian can't help the way his eyes water, and he hates it. "What do you even do, other than study and follow thousands of rules? You don't drink, you don't run, you don't sing—you barely even talk! You're not even allowed to laugh too loud. What kind of life is that?"
What kind of life is it going to be for him?
"I didn't bring this book to make fun of you," he gestures to the spring book, still open on the table between them. "I brought it because yesterday I learned that you and I will be expected to– to do– that, when we get married, and I thought we could talk about it. Because we are getting married, and I thought if I needed to ask someone about it, my future husband should probably be that someone."
"I didn't ask for this marriage!" Lan Zhan calls, his voice rising again.
"And I did?" Wei Wuxian cries out, his tears finally leaving his eyes.
For a while, none of them says anything. The sound of the rain outside makes it to Wei Wuxian's ears, and he allows himself to feel relief that at least probably no one had heard their fight.
"Forget it," he says eventually. He turns around, grabs his sword from where he'd left it next to his own table, and leaves the library.
He hopes the rain hides his tears.
*
He wakes up to a white world. Snow had come late this year, but it had finally come, and outside the disciples' dormitories, everything is covered in a thick layer of white.
Wei Wuxian, who has never seen so much snow in his life, takes a moment to stare at the beauty of the sight. Then, when it's time to go to breakfast, the awe is replaced with annoyance as he realizes that walking through knee-deep snow is tough, and leaves him cold and wet when he finally makes it into the dining pavilion.
At the entrance, his eyes automatically search Lan Zhan, but as soon as he catches sight of him he looks away and follows Jiang Cheng to Yunmeng Jiang's tables.
He keeps his eyes on his food, and he doesn't notice Lan Zhan's eyes following his every movement, and he doesn't notice it when Lan Zhan uncharacteristically gets up and leaves the pavilion without finishing his food.
*
With winter snows finally hitting the Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian's days become even more lethargic than they were. Physical training is canceled until further notice, and the disciples spend the entire day in lectures. The winter robes that the Lan sect provides for them are not really enough to block away the bone-numbing cold.
Wei Wuxian ditches his latest punishment, not wanting to be left alone with Lan Zhan again. Lan Qiren doesn't hunt him down, so either he'd stopped caring, or Lan Zhan hadn't told him. Wei Wuxian's hunch is on the latter.
Instead of spending his free time copying lines—or finding reasons to not copy lines—in the library pavilion, Wei Wuxian spends it with Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang in the dormitories, the three of them huddled under their thick blankets. It's still being locked inside, but at least here he can talk and laugh.
By the time a month of this too slow routine passes, Wei Wuxian is feeling like he is climbing the walls.
"Where are you going?" Jiang Cheng asks when Wei Wuxian jumps to his feet and heads towards the door. Wei Wuxian can't blame the suspicious look on his face.
"To take a walk."
"It's almost curfew. You've managed to stay away from punishments for a month, don't ruin that now."
"I won't be long," Wei Wuxian promises—actually means it, even—and exits.
The Lans have been working hard to clear the snow off the roads, so wandering around isn't as troublesome as it'd been during the first few days. It's still way too cold for normal human beings, especially at night, and Wei Wuxian begins to regret leaving his room five minutes into his walk.
He is too proud to return so soon, however, so he lets his legs carry him through the dark paths. He walks fast, maybe too fast for the Cloud Recesses, but it keeps him a bit warmer than a slow stroll would. He doesn't really think about where he is going, having no particular destination in mind. His goal had really been simply to walk around a bit.
The mountain falls quieter and quieter around him, and he assumes it's because people are settling into their residences for the night. With both the darkness and his wandering thoughts, it takes him a while to realize that it's quieter because there are no buildings around him.
He considers turning back, thinking he is cutting it a bit too close to curfew, but his legs keep carrying him forward, and by the time he makes up his mind, he finds himself in front of a house.
In the faint moonlight, he can see a person kneeling in the snow in front of the door.
"Lan Zhan?" he asks, unable to stop himself.
Lan Zhan turns his head, but doesn't get up from the snow.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says again, a bit more urgently. He rushes forward and tries pulling the man onto his feet. "What are you doing, out here in the snow? You'll get sick."
Lan Zhan refuses to move, so Wei Wuxian falls to his knees next to him, instead. From this close, he can see the redness in Lan Zhan's eyes; the dried tears on his cheek. He wants to ask what happened, but he doesn't find his voice.
He looks at the house, instead. No light comes from inside, and there are enough signs of decay to hint that no one has been living there for a long while.
"It was my mother's house," Lan Zhan's voice breaks the silence. Wei Wuxian had never heard it so raw. "She died nine years ago today."
"Oh." Wei Wuxian doesn't really know what to say. That he is sorry? That never sounded sincere when people told it to him when his parents died. Instead of saying anything, he lets another silence fall upon them.
Eventually, it's Lan Zhan who speaks. "I am sorry."
Wei Wuxian's eyes, fixed on the snow up until that moment, snap to Lan Zhan's face. He doesn't think he manages to hide his surprise, but Lan Zhan is still looking at the house anyway.
Just then, Lan Zhan turns to look at him. "I am sorry for not realizing that you were having a hard time here," he says. "For only noticing myself."
"I'm sorry for making you think that I didn't care for you and your sect." Wei Wuxian is mature enough to admit that both of them made mistakes regarding each other.
Lan Zhan stands, and Wei Wuxian hurries to follow, but steps back when Lan Zhan raises his hands and lowers his head in a perfect bow. "I haven't officially welcomed you since you arrived. Please forgive me."
"Come on, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says, reaching out to bring his betrothed out of his bow. "There's no reason to be so formal, when it's just us, right? You even called me by my birth name."
Lan Zhan doesn't seem to have a good answer to that. He looks at Wei Wuxian like he is considering something, so Wei Wuxian doesn't do anything to dissolve the silence.
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says, eventually.
(It sounds nice, when he says it without the anger and the shock with which he'd said Wei Wuxian's name before.)
Lan Zhan continues, "If you'd agree, I would like us to start over."
Wei Wuxian smiles.
*
They don't become best friends all of a sudden, but things do change a bit, after that.
One morning that same week, Lan Xichen—who hadn't approached Wei Wuxian since his arrival—invites Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng over for afternoon tea. When they reach his pavilion, Lan Wangji is also there, and, surprisingly, so is Lan Qiren. They exchange polite, if somewhat uncomfortable, greetings, and Wei Wuxian takes it as a form of official welcome which he probably should have received before.
Lan Zhan still doesn't say much, but he starts acknowledging Wei Wuxian when he speaks to him, granting him wordless hums or short, precise sentences as answers. In return, Wei Wuxian halts his attention-seeking plan, and even takes a few steps back, allowing Lan Zhan some space. He is pleasantly surprised to find out that, once he does that, Lan Zhan sometimes seeks him out on his own.
Wei Wuxian still struggles under the sheer amount of the Lan Sect rules, but Lan Qiren doesn't punish him for every tiny slip. For his own part, Lan Zhan keeps scolding him for breaking the rules, but he does it in a gentler way that doesn't make Wei Wuxian want to punch someone.
The snow starts melting some two months later, and the disciples are finally to start the practical half of their studies. By then, Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian are on good enough terms for Lan Zhan to approach him and offer to practice their sword fighting together. "We fought once. You are good. It would be good training," Lan Zhan says to convince him, even though Wei Wuxian doesn't need conviction.
Their first training session draws a small crowd of their fellow disciples and some older Lan cultivators who'd been passing by. By the end of it, Wei Wuxian is sweaty and breathless, but he is smiling.
Lan Zhan looks as composed as ever, even if his breaths are somewhat heavy.
*
With the road down the mountain finally clear of snow and Wei Wuxian not being forced to spend all his free time following through on one punishment or another, it doesn't take him long to ask Lan Zhan to come to hang out in town with him.
Lan Xichen happens to be present when Wei Wuxian issues the invitation. With a smile that is definitely too big for a Lan and ears slightly colored in pink, he coughs and suggests that someone should go with them to chaperone. "It's the usual procedure," he says in defense when two pairs of eyes eye him with bewilderment. "We would have enforced it earlier, but, to be honest, I didn't think it was needed."
Apparently, the two of them have made enough progress to require chaperoning.
So Wei Wuxian drags Jiang Cheng with them, and, because he complains about being a third wheel, Nie Huaisang tags along as well.
Lan Zhan is not as eager to spend his money as Wei Wuxian is, but he leads Wei Wuxian to the best food stalls when he complains that he is hungry, and helps him choose his own purchases. He buys a pretty comb to take back home to his sister, and right before paying, he chooses an intricate silver hair pin as well.
Then he turns around and sticks the pin into Lan Zhan's hair. "It's pretty," he tells his flustered betrothed.
Lan Zhan doesn't take it out.
They end up eating in one of the inns instead of going back for dinner, simply because Wei Wuxian declares that he might die if he doesn't get some good food today. Lan Zhan takes the indirect insult to his sect's cooking with the dignity of a well-raised man, and says nothing.
The food is delicious, and Wei Wuxian releases some extremely inappropriate moans while eating. Jiang Cheng probably would have scolded him if he weren't struggling to not moan in delight, himself. Wei Wuxian swears that he only succeeds looking somewhat normal because he and Nie Huaisang would sometimes go to town when Wei Wuxian was locked in the library with Lan Zhan.
Then he looks at Lan Zhan, chokes a bit, and says, "Ah, I'm sorry, Lan Zhan, we've been talking through the meal this whole time."
Lan Zhan silently chews on the food that's already in his mouth, swallows, and then speaks. "Talking during meals is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses. We are in Caiyi."
All three others gawk at him. "So, is it also okay to drink alcohol?" Wei Wuxian asks.
Lan Zhan doesn't say anything, returning to his silent eating routine, but that's not a negative answer, so they hurry to order a few jars of Emperor's Smile.
As he chugs this fine drink and gobbles this great food, he thinks that maybe living here wouldn't have to be all that bad. The food can be taken care of, and the husband is proving to not be so bad, too.
*
On the days preceding the Lantern Festival, the Cloud Recesses is as festive as it gets. There are less lectures and training sessions, the cooks prepare special dishes ("What good does that make when they are still as bland as water?" Wei Wuxian complains), and new faces flood the sect—mostly cultivators who had been traveling and returned for the New Year's celebrations. It seems like the uptight Lans allow themselves a few days of relaxation. Even Lan Qiren walks the paths of the Cloud Recesses wearing what could be described as a (somewhat) pleasant smile. When Wei Wuxian runs past him, he calls, "No running is the Clouds Recesses!" but doesn't punish him.
The day of the festival, after-lunch lessons are canceled, and the disciples are given free time to visit Caiyi Town—its streets filled with traveling merchants, bards, and acting troupes who's come for the New Year's celebrations—and get ready for the evening. Wei Wuxian doesn't manage to drag Lan Zhan along, this time, but he does spend a nice afternoon in town with Jiang Cheng and some other disciples from their sect.
He buys a beautiful silver head piece that costs him more than he can afford, having to borrow money from Jiang Cheng, and he has it laid in a fancy wooden box as a gift to Lan Zhan.
("You do realize you won't be able to buy anything for the rest of our stay here, right?" Jiang Cheng asks.
Wei Wuxian does, but Lan Zhan's birthday was a few weeks earlier and Wei Wuxian had only found out a few days ago, and he'd been wanting to buy him something since then. He thinks it's worth it.)
They make their way back up the mountain when the sun begins to set, and a few hours later they join the rest of the disciples in the back mountains.
When everyone goes to take blank lanterns, Wei Wuxian hurries to find Lan Zhan. "Release one with me?"
Lan Zhan's ears turn pink, but he nods and gently puts down the materials he had taken himself.
They find an empty patch of grass and kneel side by side, almost close enough to touch shoulders. "What do you want to draw?" Wei Wuxian asks, and Lan Zhan hums an inconclusive sound, so Wei Wuxian takes it upon himself to decide. He dips his brush in ink and holds his sleeve back, and slowly starts drawing.
Slowly, two rabbits are formed on the paper, touching noses. A random thought crawls into Wei Wuxian's mind, that back in the old days people released lanterns together hoping to find love. He turns his head to ask Lan Zhan if he knew that, and sees the tiniest smile on his face as he looks at the drawing. It's the first time he sees Lan Zhan smiling, and it's beautiful.
Wei Wuxian doesn't really understand his feelings at the moment.
He allows himself a moment to stare, then he teases Lan Zhan, because that's familiar territory. Lan Zhan drops the smile as soon as Wei Wuxian points it out, but he stays close.
Wei Wuxian adds final details to the drawing, and then they get up and assemble the lantern. They remain quiet as they wait for the other disciples to finish their own lanterns, and then Wei Wuxian uses a talisman to light a fire, and the lantern is ready to be released.
They look at each other before raising their hands together, and then their eyes follow the lantern as it rises into the sky. We Wuxian keeps looking until the lanterns look like stars in the sky, and he doesn't notice Lan Zhan turning his eyes to look at him. He wouldn't mind, if he did.
It would have been the perfect night, if not for Jin Zixuan insulting Jiang Yanli. Wei Wuxian punches him, the need to protect his sister's honor stronger than his self control. Uncle Jiang and Sect Leader Jin arrive the following day on their swords.
Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan are both kneeling in punishment as their sect leaders meet with Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen. At some point, Lan Zhan passes by, and stops to look. Wei Wuxian meets his eyes wordlessly.
The next day, he is on his way back to Lotus Pier.
("If I write to you," he starts when saying goodbye to Lan Zhan, "will you respond?"
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says, and Wei Wuxian knows that it means 'yes'.)