Work Text:
~
We been livin' so frustrating
Always in each other's faces
Didn’t wanna feel so hopeless
So I went and bought a dozen roses
I was gonna take you out for the weekend
~
“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Oh, I’d just like to purchase some flowers for my girlfriend. What kind would you suggest?” I asked.
“Well, what’s her favorite color?” The person at the counter asked. “ I think that would be a good place to start.”
“She loves pink.” I volunteered.
“What about some Azaleas? If you follow me over here, I could show you some!”
“Ok, that would be great!” I said eagerly before turning to follow them.
Currently, I’m at a flower shop buying flowers for my girlfriend Mina. We haven’t been getting along so well lately, but I really think that a weekend getaway could fix things. Once I finish up at the flower shop, I’m going to go get her a red velvet cake (Which is her favorite!) from the bakery, and then I’m going to finalize our reservations at a hotel in the city. I also booked us dinner reservations at a restaurant nearby. It’s going to be a perfect night, and we’ll have all the time in the world to just enjoy each other's company. I’m sure that it will fix things.
If it doesn’t, I'll just try something else.
One would argue that when you’re so young and you’ve been together for so long without getting married, it’s only a matter of time before you get tired of each other. But I would like to think I’m a persistent guy. I’m Eijirou Kirishima for god's sake! If there’s something I want, I'll work as hard as I can until it’s within reach. Mina and I are fine. I love her, and she loves me. We just need a little change of pace is all.
~
But last night I caught you sleeping with my best friend
Went cold and the moment I walked in
I fucking lost it, yeah
Blurry eyes, outta my mind
No I know I didn't think twice
But he lied, on my side
Made me blow, I apologize
It's my bad, it's my bad
Never thought I'd see him in your bed
It's my bad, it's my bad
Only meant to kill him in my head
~
By the time I had everything ready, it was about 7 o'clock. I had told Mina that I would be working late at the police department so when I came home, I could surprise her. I grabbed the flowers and cake and got out of the car. The sun was starting to set, making the sky into a beautiful watercolor painting of the colors red, orange, yellow, and a bit of blue. This was the start of the best night of my life.
As soon as I walked in the door, I heard moaning. “ Weird.” I thought to myself, but I suppose it made sense if Mina didn’t think I was going to be home. I briefly contemplated waiting for her to finish, but then I remembered that our dinner reservation was in 2 hours and we were already cutting it a little too close, especially with how long Mina takes to get ready. So I decided to interrupt her and make it up to her later.
I was completely unprepared for what I saw.
Katsuki, my best friend, was having sex with my girlfriend.
Everything goes black.
When I regain my senses, the only sound I hear is the sound of Mina screaming bloody murder and my ears ringing. I slowly open my eyes.
Once again, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
Katsuki’s dead body crumpled up against Mina’s shoulder. I must have missed her by an inch.
It was only then that I realized what I had done. In my rage I must have blacked out and killed Katsuki. I blinked a few times, trying to get my senses back. I eventually realized that my gun was in my hand, and it was empty. Normally as soon as I get in the door I put my gun away, but in my excitement I had forgotten. I’m not really a huge gun fan in the first place, but it’s part of the job of a police officer.
As a police officer, I’ve seen a lot of dead bodies, but I’ve never seen one that I’m more sure is dead. There are 6 bullet holes. 1 in his arm, 2 in his head, 1 in his chest, and 2 in his abdominal region. Even if he isn’t dead now, there’s no way in hell he’s surviving that. But I’m sure he’s dead. His once fiery eyes are wide with fear but vacant. His pale skin is starting to turn a greyish color. His ash-blonde hair is damp with blood.
Blood. Oh god, there’s so much blood. Blood on the floor, blood on the bed, blood on Mina, and blood on me. Blood that came from Katsuki, who no longer needs it. And it’s all my fault.
Somehow, I’m gonna have to live with that.
~
Threw him in the trunk of the foreign
Had to make him disappear by the morning
Why did have to be this way
It could have been avoided
And now we're digging his grave
~
“ EIJI-BABE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!” Mina cries out. I’m still trying to process the situation, so the best answer that I can come up with is “ I’m not sure. I just- It was like I blacked out.”
“ WELL WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?” She says, sobbing hysterically. “ I’m not really sure about that either. And stop crying, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been sleeping with my best friend.” I spat out. “ You’re acting like you didn’t just kill him.” She says, surprisingly calm as she wipes her tears. Was all of that just an act?
“ This is no time to be playing the blame game. We need to figure out what the next step is.” I said, trying and failing to stay calm. I was shaking uncontrollably. I was running on pure adrenaline. “ Mina, go take a quick shower while I cancel the reservations. If we’re gonna pull this off you can’t be covered in blood.”
“ Reservations?” She asked, confused.
“ Yes, reservations. I had a special night planned for the both of us, but look what that turned into.” I said, glaring at her.
“ Yes, I know, I betrayed you. Be mad at me all you want. But you’re acting like I was the only guilty party.” Mina says, gesturing towards Katsuki’s dead body.
I looked at the body once again. It was almost like I had suddenly realized the magnitude of what I had just done, and I struggled to stay upright as the urge to fall to the floor and sob ran through me. I had to keep it together. I wanted to turn myself in, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t afford to go to jail. As a police officer, that would almost certainly guarantee me a painful death. Besides, I couldn’t bear to see the look on my moms' faces as I’m given my sentence. It would break all of our hearts.
I stood up a little straighter as I made my decision. I wasn’t going to get caught. I would figure out a way to atone for my actions and deal with the Mina situation later. Right now, my priority is to get away with murder.
Or would it be voluntary manslaughter?
I suppose it doesn’t matter right now.
I called the hotel and restaurant to cancel the reservations, and once Mina got out of the shower I told her to erase all evidence that Katsuki was ever here. Get him dressed and gather up everything that he touched for a prolonged period of time, including the sheets and the mattress. As I was instructing Mina, I realized that I had seen Katsuki’s car parked across the street, but hadn’t given it a second thought as I was so excited for the night to come. To erase all evidence that he was here, we would have to get rid of his car.
Once I finished telling Mina what to do, I got into the shower and let the water wash away all of my feelings. I could grieve once we were in the clear. I tried to make quick work of washing away all of the blood and made a mental note to get rid of Mina and I’s bloodsoaked washcloths and towels as well.
I quickly got dressed and checked on Mina’s progress. She was rapidly cleaning the doorknobs and the counters, trying to get rid of the evidence. She had put the sheets and mattress in a pile by the door. I added Mina and I’s washcloths and towels to the pile, and then told her that if she was about done, we had to go. She said she was ready, and that she had left the body in the bedroom. I solemnly went to go retrieve it.
I couldn’t bear to look at him as I propped the body up and tried to make it look like he was leaning on my shoulder. Mina had gotten him dressed and cleaned off all of the blood, but he still was unmistakably dead. I grabbed Katsuki’s keys and opened the door. I quickly asked for Mina to leave her phone so that we couldn’t be traced before heading to Katsuki’s car. I couldn’t take a single step without remembering that his body was propped up on my shoulder. I suppressed a shiver as I put the body on top of the mattress in the car as if I was trying to make sure he was comfortable.
I went back inside and got the rest of the evidence that we needed to get rid of. I also reloaded my gun and brought gasoline, a lighter, and two shovels. Once we were ready, Mina and I got in Katsuki’s car and took off.
~
If I'm going down baby, so are you
You’ll pay for your sins, and you’ll pay mine too
That's the least you could do
~
The ride was silent and awkward, which was to be expected. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get far away from our house.
“So um...Are you gonna ask how long we had been sleeping together?” Mina asks, turning to look at me. I avoid her eyes and keep my attention on the road. Even if I wasn’t driving, I can’t bear to look her in the eye right now.
“I wasn’t planning on it, but I have a feeling that even if I say no you’re going to tell me anyway.”
“No, if you really don’t want to hear about it I won’t tell you Eiji-babe.”
“Don’t call me that right now. This is serious Mina.” I said, sighing. If it wasn’t for Mina’s infidelity we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I thought back to what she had said earlier. “‘You’re acting like you didn’t just kill him.’ She says, surprisingly calm as she wipes her tears. Was all of that just an act?”
I hate to admit it, but she’s right. We’re all equally at fault here. Mina cheated, Katsuki betrayed me, and I killed him in a fit of rage. I guess it just hurts to think that both my girlfriend and my best friend betrayed me like this. I thought Mina was something special. I thought that Katsuki was my best friend who would stick with me through thick and thin. Guess not. But suddenly, curiosity fills me. I need to know one thing. So I know who is fully to blame.
“Who initiated it?” I ask. Somehow, the thought of Katsuki initiating it is more bearable. I guess because it makes my actions more justifiable. Maybe he manipulated Mina into sleeping with him, and she never wanted to in the first place because she’s a loyal girlfriend who loves me very much.
“I’m not sure. It was kind of sudden. You were on a trip to visit your parents, and I was lonely and in the mood. Then we started talking about you and I told him how lonely I was and then… It just kind of happened. I’m sorry.” She said, tears starting to pool in her eyes.
“But are you really sorry?” I asked. I took my eyes off of the road to finally look at Mina. She was a mess. Her Pink curls were flat, and her eyes were teary. She hadn’t even had time to put on her colored contact lenses, she was wearing her glasses instead. It was then I realized that while Mina had fucked up, she was still just as shaken up and heartbroken as I was. Katsuki and her seemed to be a lot closer than I thought they were, but even I knew they were friends. And at least I don’t remember shooting him. She saw it all unfold first hand. Some of Katsuki’s brains were splattered on her along with his blood.
Mina reached up to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her pink sweater, and I turned my eyes back onto the road. She took a moment to compose herself before responding, “I regret what happened tonight, but I don’t regret the time I spent with Katsuki. He may have been an asshole most of the time, but he really knew how to lay a pipe.” She said, giggling a little. She turned to me. “And I also regret the way I hurt you. I’m sorry for cheating on you Eijirou, I love you. I really do. It’s just, Katsuki gave me something a little- um- more per se. I don’t think I should really go into details, since that is neither here nor there, but my time with you was really different from my time with him. Katsuki and I were as close to platonic as could be given the circumstances. Do you understand?”
I took my eyes off of the road to look at Mina once again. Now I knew with certainty she hadn’t been faking her tears earlier. She was just trying to keep herself together for me.
“I understand.” I said.
“I’m sorry for what happened tonight. I really am.”
“I’m not going to say it’s ok Mina because it’s not. Nothing will ever be ok ever again. But it’s not just your fault. It’s Katsuki’s fault as well, he was a consenting adult. But mostly, it’s my bad. Sorry about that. I’ll be sure to take care of this mess for you, ok? So don’t worry. Why don’t you rest up for the rest of the ride?” I said, taking on a leadership role and masking my grief once again. “ You can grieve once this is all taken care of.” I tried to remind myself.
Mina sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. But that wasn’t the end of it.
“I know how you felt about him.” She said with a subtle smile on her face.
I immediately tore my eyes from the road and turned to look at Mina.
“Don’t look at me like that.” she said. “On this one night where you were working the night shift, I invited Katsuki over. After we did our usual thing, he was feeling a bit tired, so we decided to have a drink and talk for a bit. It felt like it had been a while since we had a genuine conversation, so that was nice. I wouldn’t say either of us was drunk but he was definitely tipsy enough to where he decided to wait a little while before driving home. So we were reflecting on memories of when we all met in college, and then he just blurts out ‘ Shitty hair and I fucked once.’”
All I could do was turn my eyes back to the road as Mina continued her story.
“So, of course, I’m like ‘Wait what?’ I mean, it’s not like I couldn’t see you guys together, it’s just that I know you aren’t the type of guy to have casual sex with your best friend. But I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so I waited for Katsuki to elaborate but he didn’t. He just said ‘Yeah. I got into some crazy shit in college.’ and we went back to reflecting on old memories. But the more I think about how you guys interacted back then, I know there was something there, at least on your side.” She said, and then turned to me.
“ It was 5 years ago Mina,” I say, refusing to look at her. “ I love you, and only you. The past is in the past.”
Mina looked at me and smiled.
“Eiji-babe, never in the time that we’ve been dating have I ever thought that you didn’t love me. That’s what I like about you, even though you annoy me a lot of the time. Whenever I think about breaking up with you, I remember how much you love me and that convinces me to stay. I’m not saying that you still have feelings. I’m just acknowledging that you had them. Which comes into play with what happened tonight.” Mina said. “When I asked you what you had done, you said that you didn’t really know, it was almost like you had blacked out. So just to be clear, you don’t remember what happened after you walked in on me and Katsuki up until I screamed, right?”
“ Yes.” I answered. “ But it’s not like I passed out or anything, I just had a mini rage blackout. I couldn't have missed much.”
“ A lot of things can happen in the span of a few seconds.” Mina said. “ Let me help you fill in the blanks.”
But before she could say anything else, I stopped the car in the middle of the woods.
“ I think this is good.” I said, stepping out of the car.
~
Out in a rush
The sun's coming up
We've gotta say our last goodbyes
Farewell my friend, we'll see you again
Somewhere inside the afterlife
Save all your tears, it's so insincere
But you still deserve to know the truth
You should be grateful
So call up your angel
Because I was aiming for you
~
Once Mina and I got out of the car, we went into the trunk to retrieve the body as well as all the materials that we would need to bury Katsuki and destroy the evidence that links us to his murder.
I opened the trunk and was shocked to see Katsuki’s face staring up at me. His wide red eyes look so fearful. His hair is bloody and flat. His mouth is open as if he were surprised. I suppose he must have been. He couldn’t have possibly seen this coming. I shook my head back and forth to clear the thoughts of guilt that clouded my mind and got the body out of the trunk. Mina grabbed the shovels, and once I carefully set the body down on the ground we started to dig.
For some reason, Mina wanted to continue the conversation from the car.
“Ok, the last thing you remember is walking into our bedroom and seeing Katsuki and me.” Mina stated.
“Yes, but I don’t see why we have to keep talking about this.” I replied.
“Ok, so after that, I said that it wasn’t what it looked like, and Katsuki said that it was exactly what it looked like and if you wanted to join in for old times sake, you could. You had just been standing there in shock, but then you yelled for him to shut up, and the next thing I knew you had your gun in your hands, and you were pointing it at me.”
“ WHAT?!” I exclaimed, throwing down my shovel.
“Yes, it was pointing at me. Katsuki yelled for you to put it down, but you shot it anyway. I closed my eyes as you fired shot after shot, and the next thing I knew I felt a heavy weight on my shoulder. You know what happens after that.” Mina said, picking up my shovel to give it back to me. She briefly made eye contact with me before focusing her attention back on digging.
“ You have to be mistaken. Even in my rage, I would never try to kill you.” I said, having gone back to digging. Although I was focused on other things, my voice rang with passion.
“Eijirou, you’re a psycho when you get too angry.” Mina told me. “ You’ve always been that way, ever since college. It’s one of the downsides of you being so persistent. You’ll do whatever it takes to get what you want. Besides, did you ever think you would kill your best friend?”
“No, I didn’t.” I replied with a sigh. I guess that Mina is right. But still. Why? Why did it have to be this way? This whole thing could have been avoided, but now we’re digging Katsuki’s grave.
I started to put my back into it, digging faster. I shoved the lump in my throat back down and reminded myself that I could grieve once this whole thing was over. Right now, my priority is saving Mina and figuring out a way to atone for my actions. I dug faster and faster until I assumed we were at 6 feet.
“I think that this is good.” I said, turning to Mina. She was moving her hair out of her face and panting. She was never very good at hard work.
Assuming that Mina needed a minute to collect herself, I went to go get the body. The sun was starting to come up, and if I had to guess it was about 4 in the morning. We needed to hurry.
I picked up Katsuki and looked at him one last time. He looked nothing like himself, and the part of me that wasn’t heartbroken and filled with guilt screamed for me to put him down, that touching his dead body was weird and gross. No, not him, it. This body is nothing more than an empty husk of what Katsuki used to be. The real Katsuki is gone. This is what’s left of him. He’ll never be able to curse at his friends anymore, to save people from fires and be the hero that he’s always wanted to be, to smile at me and call me Shitty hair. His life has been unfairly ripped from him, and it’s all my fault.
I killed Katsuki.
I’m not exactly sure how I could possibly live with that. But I have to. I’m Eijirou Kirishima for god's sake! I’m persistent. If I want something, I work as hard as possible until that goal is within reach. And right now, the goal is to get away with murder. So I can live and be happy with Mina.
Right?
It suddenly dawns on me that not once tonight have I known what I want. Not since I was buying Mina the flowers, dead set on saving our relationship. I have been making decisions without thinking of the consequences. Like killing Katsuki, but for some reason trying to kill Mina? Which is equally as bad?? Or burying my best friend, when I should be at the police station confessing for my crimes. Confessing to the very officers that I work with. Or having this strange sense of self-preservation, when I’m not quite sure that I deserve to live.
I’m only certain of one thing: That I want Mina to survive. I want her to be happy. I want her to live so she can continue to pursue her dream of making it big as a professional makeup artist. I want her to live to style her hair another day. To live to eat red velvet cake again. To LIVE.
But I’m not so sure that I deserve to be there with her. I need to atone for my actions.
Suddenly, all of my willpower and adrenaline pours out from me and I struggle to stand upright. I’m still holding Katsuki’s body, so I quickly place a ghost of a kiss onto its forehead. An apology. An admission of feelings that I never properly admitted to myself, let alone got to say. A promise to avenge his death and atone for my actions. A thank you for treating Mina so well all this time, at least from what she told me. A display of sadness at his betrayal. I put all of my emotions that I feel for Katsuki into that ghost of a forehead kiss, and while Mina is still trying to catch her breath, I throw the body into the hole we dug. Hard.
“Goodbye Katsuki,” I whisper before telling Mina that when she’s caught her breath, she can start putting dirt back into the hole.
We make quick work of it. We have to. The sun is almost up, and we still have to blow up Katsuki’s car. Then Mina and I have to say goodbye, at least for now.
Once we finish putting dirt in the hole, I take out my gun and the gasoline. I start dousing the car and everything inside with gasoline. Once that’s done, Mina grabs the lighter and throws it into the car, and then we run far enough so that we won't get hurt but close enough so that we can still see everything unfold.
The car bursts into flames. In a way, it’s kind of beautiful. It erupts into different shades of red, yellow, and orange. A bit of blue as well. I think back to the sunset that I saw before I went into the house and my life changed forever. It had the same colors to it as well. I’ve come full circle.
Perhaps this is a sign.
And then suddenly the car explodes, and my world turns into a cacophony. I cover Mina’s ears and shield her from the heat as I watch the flames eat away at Katsuki’s car. And then it dawns on me. We drove the car here. So how are we going to get back home?
Maybe I never intended to go home in the first place. Maybe I have known what I want since I killed Katsuki, and I just didn’t realize that I had been thoughtfully making my decisions.
I tighten my grip on my gun as the flames start to die down a little. It will take a while for the flames to fully extinguish. More time than we have.
I remove my hand from Mina’s head and spin her around to look at me. She appears to have aged 10 years in 10 hours. For the first time, I realize that Mina is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions and take care of herself. There is no doubt in my mind that she’ll be fine, even if she has to carry the burden of being the cause of a murder. She is, in her own words, A “ Boss Bitch”.
She takes my hand.
“Eiji-babe, how are we gonna get home? We just blew up Katsuki’s car, and that’s how we got here.” She asks.
“You walk.” I respond. “ And if that doesn’t work, I’m sure that you can figure it out. You can fend for yourself.”
“Wait… Are you leaving me or something? Where are you going?” Mina questions, tightening her grip on my hand. I in turn tighten my grip on my gun. This is the only way. The only way to avenge Katsuki’s death. The only way to atone for my actions.
By committing suicide.
In that moment, Mina realises.
“EIJI-BABE, NO! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!” She cries out, falling to the ground and sobbing. “ I’M SO SORRY, PLEASE DON’T! I LOVE YOU, PLEASE! PLEASE!”
“I have to. This is the only way to atone for my actions.”
“ PLEASE EIJIROU, THIS ISN’T THE TIME TO BE STUBBORN! PUT THE GUN DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LET’S FIGURE THIS OUT!” Mina sobs.
“I can’t come with you, Mina. I don’t deserve to live. I killed Katsuki. Besides, if I die, this makes it look like a murder-suicide, which decreases the chances of them linking you to the crime.” I say, and bring the gun to my head.
“EIJIRO NO!” She screams, leaping to her feet.
“Mina, go. This is my bad, so I'll take care of it. You shouldn’t have to see this. I love you, goodbye.” I say, giving her a minute to leave.
Suddenly, she stops sobbing.
“You’ve always been so persistent Eiji-babe. Maybe that’s why I love you. I guess I can’t talk you out of it, huh?” She says, tears still rolling down her face despite her not sobbing.
“ No, you can’t. I’m Eijirou Kirishima for god’s sake! If I want something, I’ll work as hard as possible until the goal is within reach. Even if that goal is killing myself.” I say with a sad smile. “ I love you Mina Ashido. Now go.”
Mina grabs my hand one last time and squeezes it. “Goodbye Eijirou Kirishima. I love you too.” She says, before running away as fast as she can and crying loudly.
I look at her one last time before firing my gun.
It hurts like a bitch. I guess I didn’t die immediately. Oh well. I will soon. I can feel the life leaking out of my body. Soon I will be nothing but an empty shell, just like Katsuki’s body.
It gets harder to put together thoughts inside of my head. I guess this is the end?
I look at the bright sunrise before closing my eyes. I’m fine with that being the last thing I see.
I never thought it would end like this.
I had so many d r e
a m s
What?
What’s h a p p